Super Friendly Social and Love Advice v8 - Stop spamming her with texts. - General

So I've been in a relationship with a lady friend for a bit over 3 years now. We've been living together for almost 2. Our lease is coming to an end soon, and I'm not sure if I want to live with her for another year.... I've become used to living and being with someone all the time, but there are some things I feel like I'm missing out on. I'd like to do some travelling and go back to school for a while. I went into this relationship a bit too seriously and was too young (22). I'm looking back on it now and there are some aspects of the single life I'd like back.

[QUOTE=The golden;52779696]Yuppers! Pretty much. An ace girl I know actually let her past partners go find other partners just for sexual satisfaction because she wanted to make sure her partners were satisfied - which I think is very thoughtful of her. They still cheated on her. Dumped her once the sex started getting good, I guess. Happened to her 3 times in a row until she just swore off relationships completely. It's unfortunately a part of the ace life... It sucks too because I think non-sexual relationships are awesome because they allow you to focus more energy into other things to make your partner(s) happy.[/QUOTE] I love sex but I already have been in a lasting non sexual relationship with someone and it was absolutely awesome. We broke in good terms after a while, and it had nothing to do with sexual frustrations. In a way removing sex from the equation prevents lot of pressure and tensions sex can create in your couple, and it created a mood of confidence. + she liked hugs a lot and than was really enough for me. Id say that while she had 0 interest in sex, we were both pretty "tactile", liked massages, hugs etc, and that worked out great. In the end I have my taste but i'm adaptable when i'm with someone I truely care about. She was someone important to me, and id never had wanted to waste that relationship. Ive been with people who love sex, and people who are iffy about it/asexual, and while you have to face that the relationship is different when there's no sex, it's not smt that will always negatively impact your couple every time, the opposite might be true.

[QUOTE=gtanoofa;52779930]Irrelevant question. Can you be romantically attached to people? I know asexuals can't be sexually attracted to either sexes, but afaik they can be romantically attracted to one or both sexes unless they're aromantic too :P[/QUOTE] I'm kinda struggling with it myself tbh. I haven't really been in a relationship where I actively wanted to be around the person all the time like couples seem to want to do. So I'm honestly not sure if I'm capable of romantic attachment or not at this point lmao. Either that or I just haven't found the right person but relationships just seem to be a lot of work for me right now. So whoooo knows. Most aces I know are totally into romantic stuff tho. I think I'm just a weird anomaly in my friend group. Not that I'd have a problem with being aromatic but like. That'd kinda suck if I could never get married because being married sounds cool. Life is hard man.

[QUOTE=Pascall;52779942]I'm kinda struggling with it myself tbh. I haven't really been in a relationship where I actively wanted to be around the person all the time like couples seem to want to do. So I'm honestly not sure if I'm capable of romantic attachment or not at this point lmao. Either that or I just haven't found the right person but relationships just seem to be a lot of work for me right now. So whoooo knows. Most aces I know are totally into romantic stuff tho. I think I'm just a weird anomaly in my friend group. Not that I'd have a problem with being aromatic but like. That'd kinda suck if I could never get married because being married sounds cool. Life is hard man.[/QUOTE] I can definitely relate to the "want to be around your partner all the time"-thing, because I really don't. And I'm very much not asexual, so I don't think that's really necessarily related at all.

Pretty sure most people sometimes want to be by themselves, if anything those who want to be with their partner 100% of the time are the exception rather than the rule.

Been dating a woman for about a month now, and things between me and her have been going great. However, she still lives with her parents (She's 20) because she lives right next to the college she's attending and it saves a lot of money. She still has a curfew though? I took her out last night and was fucking 15 minutes late (to 10:30, what the fuck, that isn't even late) and we both got chewed out by her father. What the fuck do I even do? This is probably one of the best women I've ever been with, so I wouldn't want to give up so easily, but shit like this from her parents is fucking constant. I've never understood why someone would want to break up because of their family, but now I fucking get it.

Honestly feel a bit like shit. Right now I’m in a semester long program with 17 students (including myself). I get along fine with everyone, and some of my classmates/friends have told me my positivity in the face of some awful and difficult stuff (like being seasick 4 times on a whale watch, I guess I was still similing even when throwing up) has made them feel more positive too. Which is really awesome and makes me feel really good. Except for this one girl who just seems to really dislike me for no reason, I haven’t interacted with her too much but everytime we do she’s like insanely aggressive and mean towards me. Yet with literally everyone else I’ve noticed she’s really happy and friendly. In any other case I’d just cut all contact - but that’s not really possible in this program. It just makes me feel like shit :/

[QUOTE=bdd458;52780040]Honestly feel a bit like shit. Right now I’m in a semester long program with 17 students (including myself). I get along fine with everyone, and some of my classmates/friends have told me my positivity in the face of some awful and difficult stuff (like being seasick 4 times on a whale watch, I guess I was still similing even when throwing up) has made them feel more positive too. Which is really awesome and makes me feel really good. Except for this one girl who just seems to really dislike me for no reason, I haven’t interacted with her too much but everytime we do she’s like insanely aggressive and mean towards me. Yet with literally everyone else I’ve noticed she’s really happy and friendly. In any other case I’d just cut all contact - but that’s not really possible in this program. It just makes me feel like shit :/[/QUOTE] I get ya. Some people are just like that. Had a girl at uni who was similar. She was never mean directly to me, but she refused to talk to me and whenever I said something and she heard it, she would look at me with utter disgust, regardless of what I said. Just ignore her, it's not worth your time or welfare to care about her.

Yeah, it just sucks because its such a small program (not to mention she’s good friends with my crush). But, in the end I still have to look out for her (and everyone else), since the program has a saying “Ship, Shipmate, Self”. Meaning that you look out for your vessel first, then those around you, and then yourself. Our class sailed on a tall square rigged ship for about a week last month, and if any of us hadn’t followed that creed there were certainly moments where our voyage could have ended in disaster. It’s honestly a good mantra for life. But yeah, you’re right. I just have to try to avoid her as much as I can.

[QUOTE=bdd458;52780040]Honestly feel a bit like shit. Right now I’m in a semester long program with 17 students (including myself). I get along fine with everyone, and some of my classmates/friends have told me my positivity in the face of some awful and difficult stuff (like being seasick 4 times on a whale watch, I guess I was still similing even when throwing up) has made them feel more positive too. Which is really awesome and makes me feel really good. Except for this one girl who just seems to really dislike me for no reason, I haven’t interacted with her too much but everytime we do she’s like insanely aggressive and mean towards me. Yet with literally everyone else I’ve noticed she’s really happy and friendly. In any other case I’d just cut all contact - but that’s not really possible in this program. It just makes me feel like shit :/[/QUOTE] The phrase "You could be the nicest, juiciest apple, but there's still going to be someone out there that doesn't like apples." comes to mind. The decision on how to handle this is up to you - on the one hand, as Spetznaz pointed out, you could just ignore her and let that be that. Otherwise, the next time she is being a raging meanie at you, you could straight up ask her why she's being that way. Not saying it has to work in your case, but it could be a learning experience for you that maybe something you did unknowingly rubbed her the wrong way. Or maybe it could be someone entire irrational - I had a similar episode with a woman once where it turned out that I bore an uncanny resemblance to an ex she was still mad at because he cheated on her, so she wrongfully used to take it out on me. So yeah - your choice. I don't expect everyone to be happy with me or be my friend, but if the opportunity presents itself, it's useful to know exactly what sets them off because it's possible that there might just be something there in your personality that needs some fixin'. Nothing wrong with feedback for some self-improvement.

I don’t think it’s worth it trying to poke the bee’s nest so to speak tbh. Like I said, small group and I just want to avoid drama since everyone is passionate and wants to be a part of this program and I wouldn’t want to be the one to start trouble and create rifts.

[QUOTE=GoDong-DK;52779974]I can definitely relate to the "want to be around your partner all the time"-thing, because I really don't. And I'm very much not asexual, so I don't think that's really necessarily related at all.[/QUOTE] Oh yeah it's not related to asexuality. Moreso aromanticism for me. But it's a consistent issue I've had with past SO's where they'll feel neglected because I'm not very tactile or cuddly or clingy. I'm very aloof and it's difficult to get me to do things I guess. It might also be because I'm so stressed right now that I just don't have the energy to spare but I dunno. [editline]14th October 2017[/editline] [QUOTE=gtanoofa;52779953]Sounds really confusing and mind boggling. I guess i'm glad i know where my sexuality and romantic attraction lies to which makes things easier. Hope you manage to figure yourself out one day.[/QUOTE] Yeah shit's wack. But I'm not too worried about it just yet. Don't even get me started on my issues with gender identity lmao. It's all stuff that I assume I'll be able to figure out somewhere along the line. For now I'm just gonna enjoy the very few people I DO like spending a lot of time with.

All this talk of a relationship with no sex, I don't think I could deal with being in a romantic relationship where I knew that we would never have sex with each other. Despite me trying to fight it my whole life, my sexuality is in my nature, it's a very big part of who I am. Maybe I'm just immature.

It's not immature. Lots of people need sex in a romantic relationship and there's nothing wrong with that.

[QUOTE=Ardosos;52780395]All this talk of a relationship with no sex, I don't think I could deal with being in a romantic relationship where I knew that we would never have sex with each other. Despite me trying to fight it my whole life, my sexuality is in my nature, it's a very big part of who I am. Maybe I'm just immature.[/QUOTE] There's nothing wrong with that, and I think most people are like that.

[QUOTE=Ardosos;52780395]All this talk of a relationship with no sex, I don't think I could deal with being in a romantic relationship where I knew that we would never have sex with each other. Despite me trying to fight it my whole life, my sexuality is in my nature, it's a very big part of who I am. Maybe I'm just immature.[/QUOTE] nah don't worry about it sex is separate from maturity, hell senior citizens in their homes have orgy's apparently sex is healthy you know what sucks tho being an introvert but also being lonely and still wanting human interaction even though your first instinct when people ask you to hang out is "sorry not today." despite later on feeling like wanting to go hang out but everyone is done hanging out now because it's literally the night time arggghhhhhhhh

[QUOTE=Fire Kracker;52780549]nah don't worry about it sex is separate from maturity, hell senior citizens in their homes have orgy's apparently sex is healthy you know what sucks tho being an introvert but also being lonely and still wanting human interaction even though your first instinct when people ask you to hang out is "sorry not today." despite later on feeling like wanting to go hang out but everyone is done hanging out now because it's literally the night time arggghhhhhhhh[/QUOTE] Are you me?

Hey, at least you don't hate yourself.

[Sorry if it's a bit long, I'm a sucker for beating 'round the bush] Lads, it has been a bit of time (3 weeks) since me and my SO broke up, however I'm still somewhat conflicted not over the feelings that I once held (I've laid those down to rest in a healthy manner I assure you), but rather the her reasoning. Mind you, I was not the one who wanted to break up, it was her, and was, really a complete and utter blindside for me. To boil down the long lunch where it happened, and I quote; “It's not that you aren't my cup of tea, but to continue the analogy, the cup of tea has cooled”. While I understand that we all have feelings that we cannot place or pin a reason to, and we must simply accept these feelings for what they are, being on the receiving end I cannot mentally front the justification for this. That however is not the only thing that has bothering me currently. It's rather, she, despite stating that we should remain friends and quote “Be mature about this” has completely and utterly ghosted me everywhere, explicitly going out of her way to avoid me on campus, change routes between classes, request seating changes, etc... When my group of friends and hers interact (A few of my lads are romantically tangled with a few of her lass's) she acts as if I literally do not exist, even if directly referred to in conversation. While I understand space is important, and one must spend time apart to relearn the part of being a 'me' and not 'we' I am becoming increasingly annoyed by her actions, even though she said (in our break up conversation) I had done nothing wrong as a boyfriend. What justifies her actions? I'd just like a reason to pin this annoyance to so I can deal with it and not explode like a total cunt. It feels like dealing with a passive aggressive co-worker.

Nearly four years on, and I've finally made Tiny Girlfriend my Tiny Wife. She was so beautiful today. I struggled not to cry, and failed several times. I've never been happier. [t]https://i.imgur.com/qtn29eM.jpg[/t]

I'm 6'6", she's 4'9". Very few of the pictures we got today caught us both in frame lol. Hoping the photographer got some good shots for us. Should get them in a couple weeks. [t]https://i.imgur.com/tfxHmIh.jpg[/t] I can't get over how beautiful she looked. I keep tearing up. Such an amazing day.

Dont know why I harbor so much anger. [editline]15th October 2017[/editline] [QUOTE=Big Dumb American;52781130]I'm 6'6", she's 4'9". Very few of the pictures we got today caught us both in frame lol. Hoping the photographer got some good shots for us. Should get them in a couple weeks. [t]https://i.imgur.com/tfxHmIh.jpg[/t] I can't get over how beautiful she looked. I keep tearing up. Such an amazing day.[/QUOTE] Tall ass mofo. Good for you man.

You're one sharp looking dude. Mad jealous of your beard / height combo. Congrats on your big day, I'm really happy for you. Best of luck going forward, hope everything keeps on getting better for the two of you. Can't even begin to imagine the high you must be feeling right now!

[QUOTE=Big Dumb American;52781110]Nearly four years on, and I've finally made Tiny Girlfriend my Tiny Wife. She was so beautiful today. I struggled not to cry, and failed several times. I've never been happier. [t]https://i.imgur.com/qtn29eM.jpg[/t][/QUOTE] Is this the same woman as Cute Weeaboo Girl from a few years ago? I haven't been keeping up. Either way, congrats man.

I remember BDA posting a pic of him and his SO a few years back, and I can't tell if I'm just imagining it or what, but I could swear she's lost a lot of weight between then and now.

[QUOTE=Big Dumb American;52781110]Nearly four years on, and I've finally made Tiny Girlfriend my Tiny Wife. She was so beautiful today. I struggled not to cry, and failed several times. I've never been happier. [t]https://i.imgur.com/qtn29eM.jpg[/t][/QUOTE] You guys look amazing, congrats!

[QUOTE=Silentfood;52768189]I just came out of a 2 year relationship last week. First love and we lived under the same roof and expressed good chemistry until the end where I found out she wasn't happy, and had been flirting with other guys online. A day later after I split from her she went to the guys house, and lied about it until I heard word of what she did. She then blocked me on everything when I told her what I knew, so I feel like I got a bit of closure from when she disappeared in the day but I don't understand why she did it. There's still a lot of heat going on in the background too where she's sub-tweeting me and I'm being stupid and responding in the same way -- how can you move on from this? She moved out a day after I found out, and since then it's been super hard living alone. I had a hard time with the initial split, and she wasn't bothered. She moved back home with her parents, and I'm here on my own in the city we moved to. I feel like the contrast is so big to what we had, she moved out and I found out about her secret all under 3 days. It's almost like this is all part of a dream and I'm gonna wake up since it happened so fast. My routine is different too, I can't come home and talk about my day with anyone, it's all grey. I just think about why she did it, and what I'm going to do next. I'm afraid I'm going to struggle adjusting, and also struggle trusting any future partners.[/QUOTE] A follow up to this. Her and her friends started harassing me on Twitter via various alt accounts not long after this post. To the point where they were saying they were sending all our breakup texts to my work. She texted me the same day saying "haha you're getting evicted!" since she's trying to get her name off the flat. I confronted my boss about the possible emails, and he was completely understanding. He invited me to his family home for a meal to chat, and his family we're very supportive and he said he'd been through a similar problem with a past partner. Work even thanked me for notifying them about it in case it came in. After the support by my boss, I'm now on Tinder and I've started working out again and eating healthier. I'm getting quite a few matches on the app, and I've just been casually chatting to people in the area since I don't really know anyone. Someone I'm talking to has been very open about her past, and we've had good talks about life experiences and fitness. I'm playing my guitars more just to keep me busy too. In summary it's becoming a good recovery mechanism just being able to talk to people and knowing that I'm not alone. I'm gaining a nice support network, and putting the past away and locking down my social media has helped too. I can't wait to go into work tomorrow and actually feel confident.

[QUOTE=Big Dumb American;52781130]I'm 6'6", she's 4'9". Very few of the pictures we got today caught us both in frame lol. Hoping the photographer got some good shots for us. Should get them in a couple weeks. [t]https://i.imgur.com/tfxHmIh.jpg[/t] I can't get over how beautiful she looked. I keep tearing up. Such an amazing day.[/QUOTE] D'aww, that's adorable, dude! :cat: I'm six feet myself but I don't think I've ever actually dated shorter than 5'3". You know, you're in a good position to hide all the things you like to eat/her gifts on the high shelf and she'll never know! :v:

[QUOTE=Big Dumb American;52781110]Nearly four years on, and I've finally made Tiny Girlfriend my Tiny Wife. She was so beautiful today. I struggled not to cry, and failed several times. I've never been happier. [t]https://i.imgur.com/qtn29eM.jpg[/t][/QUOTE]Can't say I'm not jealous of your happiness, good on you and congrats.

[QUOTE=Ardosos;52781205]Is this the same woman as Cute Weeaboo Girl from a few years ago? I haven't been keeping up. Either way, congrats man.[/QUOTE] That's her!