Super Friendly Social and Love Advice v8 - Stop spamming her with texts. - General

What's the best way to get over an ex? Like damn, it's 14 weeks now. I can't get over the rage and the hate. We were together for 3 years, lived together for 1. I left my friends and family behind to move in with him 3 hours away. He dumped me because he says I didn't support him enough. When we lived together, I cooked, cleaned and I was basically his mother. He did the 'let's be friends' thing. We had to remain co-habiting for the last 3 weeks in July due to our contract where it was bittersweet. When we moved apart, it was almost radio silence. He would only talk if I messaged him first. I can't get over feeling so angry. He never cheated, nor did he hurt me physically. A lot of our mutual friends were shocked that he dumped me because he was a moody bitch and a lot of em assumed I had dumped him because I had enough. I've never hated anyone with so much passion as I hate him now but we generally had a good relationship. what i do.

[QUOTE=Echofish;52798232]What's the best way to get over an ex? Like damn, it's 14 weeks now. I can't get over the rage and the hate. We were together for 3 years, lived together for 1. I left my friends and family behind to move in with him 3 hours away. He dumped me because he says I didn't support him enough. When we lived together, I cooked, cleaned and I was basically his mother. He did the 'let's be friends' thing. We had to remain co-habiting for the last 3 weeks in July due to our contract where it was bittersweet. When we moved apart, it was almost radio silence. He would only talk if I messaged him first. I can't get over feeling so angry. He never cheated, nor did he hurt me physically. A lot of our mutual friends were shocked that he dumped me because he was a moody bitch and a lot of em assumed I had dumped him because I had enough. I've never hated anyone with so much passion as I hate him now but we generally had a good relationship. what i do.[/QUOTE] Takes time, just go focus on yourself and be selfish. Looks like you could do with some you time anyway after acting as mother bear for the past year. Go get some carefree dick.

[QUOTE=Boss;52798250]Takes time, just go focus on yourself and be selfish. Looks like you could do with some you time anyway after acting as mother bear for the past year. Go get some carefree dick.[/QUOTE] I’m curious yet terrified about hookup culture. One of the things I miss the most about relationships is the intimacy. My ex used to withold sex from me and made me very guilty for wanting it. Did the whole “is sex all you think about” tactic when we were just getting it on once a week. I need to go get me some carefree dick.

[QUOTE=Echofish;52798364]I’m curious yet terrified about hookup culture. One of the things I miss the most about relationships is the intimacy. My ex used to withold sex from me and made me very guilty for wanting it. Did the whole “is sex all you think about” tactic when we were just getting it on once a week. I need to go get me some carefree dick.[/QUOTE] I was just on the wind up but there's no harm at all being selfish. In all honesty if a relationship is no longer beneficial to you, you need to re evaluate it. If you want to improve / fix it, set a time limit and go for it. There are enough problems in life as it is never mind carrying a piece of deadwood around with you as well!

[QUOTE=Echofish;52798364]I’m curious yet terrified about hookup culture. One of the things I miss the most about relationships is the intimacy. My ex used to withold sex from me and made me very guilty for wanting it. Did the whole “is sex all you think about” tactic when we were just getting it on once a week. I need to go get me some carefree dick.[/QUOTE] Sounds like he wasn't attracted to you, but that's his problem for getting into a relationship with you. As far as you're concerned he can get fucked, get out there and slayyyyy yasssss queeeeen :hammered:

[QUOTE=Lebofly;52799454]Sounds like he wasn't attracted to you, but that's his problem for getting into a relationship with you. As far as you're concerned he can get fucked, get out there and slayyyyy yasssss queeeeen :hammered:[/QUOTE] I accidentally rated you box coz I’m on mobile and I’m sorry D: I’ve realised that he just wasn’t into me and basically striving me along thankfully sorta at the start. It honestly made my self-esteem just tank. I stayed with him when he ballooned up to obese levels in weight. When he just drops me like that it hurts man. What did I even do. Oh well.

[QUOTE=Echofish;52800280]I accidentally rated you box coz I’m on mobile and I’m sorry D: I’ve realised that he just wasn’t into me and basically striving me along thankfully sorta at the start. It honestly made my self-esteem just tank. I stayed with him when he ballooned up to obese levels in weight. When he just drops me like that it hurts man. What did I even do. Oh well.[/QUOTE] Obviously you're better off then, just chuck yourself out there and build yourself up. Everyone has the confidence in them

I thought using tinder would make me (not a go-getter) feel weird but curiosity got the better of me and I made an account a couple days ago. Sure enough, it does make me feel weird—I got several matches/messages but haven't messaged anyone. I just have a hard time picturing myself actually meeting up with anyone this way—under this context of proactivity, seeking, and so forth—but would have no problem doing so if I met them 'naturally' i.e. in a class, etc. Does anyone else feel this way.

[QUOTE=Echofish;52800280]I accidentally rated you box coz I’m on mobile and I’m sorry D:[/QUOTE] You can re-rate after refreshing the page :eng101: [QUOTE=danjee;52800581]I thought using tinder would make me (not a go-getter) feel weird but curiosity got the better of me and I made an account a couple days ago. Sure enough, it does make me feel weird—I got several matches/messages but haven't messaged anyone. I just have a hard time picturing myself actually meeting up with anyone this way—under this context of proactivity, seeking, and so forth—but would have no problem doing so if I met them 'naturally' i.e. in a class, etc. Does anyone else feel this way.[/QUOTE] It's the opposite for me, I have a hard time moving forward to romance with an acquaintance unless I'm [I]really[/I] sure they think of me the same way. Dating sites and apps get that out of the way since those I match with are most likely interested, also nothing's lost if it goes nowhere, whereas having classes with someone you have some bad history with is probably not the best feeling.

Tinder absolutely makes me cringe cause I last used it 3 or 4 years ago, and I put the most atrocious photos of me up when I was drunk. I removed the account after a day when I realised how terrible I looked in the pics, but it's a thought that keeps me awake at night when I wonder if any of the girls in my course came across my profile. [editline]20th October 2017[/editline] I am not a photogenic man.

if you and a partner break up on good terms with the plans of hopefully being friends again sometime in the future, would you be mad at them if they hooked up with people shortly following your breakup? of course, they're allowed to do whatever they want, but would you want to be friends with that person if they did?

[QUOTE=Bathtub;52801079]if you and a partner break up on good terms with the plans of hopefully being friends again sometime in the future, would you be mad at them if they hooked up with people shortly following your breakup? of course, they're allowed to do whatever they want, but would you want to be friends with that person if they did?[/QUOTE] Its probably that you might still be attached even after a 'good' breakup, give it some time and eventually you would settle for it. Perhaps your partner was just looking for something new straight away? If that's so then it probably won't last long.

[QUOTE=Bathtub;52801079]if you and a partner break up on good terms with the plans of hopefully being friends again sometime in the future, would you be mad at them if they hooked up with people shortly following your breakup? of course, they're allowed to do whatever they want, but would you want to be friends with that person if they did?[/QUOTE] Depends on the circumstance? One of my ex's I am on good terms with now and as I remember she did do this. I was a bit gutted at the time, but whatever you know? Started talking again a couple of years down the line (ok maybe like 6, but I think we became friends again after 2 or 3 years) and now we're friends. She's married and has two children, I'm single and happy not to have settled down yet. Life takes you different places you know?

thanks yall. as far as I know it hasnt happened yet with my ex but i was talking about it with a friend and he said i was being unfair. i just really want her back in my life, she was my best friend before we started dating and so its like i lost the two most important people in my life, even tho it was for the best

[QUOTE=Bathtub;52801388]thanks yall. as far as I know it hasnt happened yet with my ex but i was talking about it with a friend and he said i was being unfair. i just really want her back in my life, she was my best friend before we started dating and so its like i lost the two most important people in my life, even tho it was for the best[/QUOTE] Honestly, dont try to be friends with her while you feel like this - its not fair on either of you.

[QUOTE=metallics;52801450]Honestly, dont try to be friends with her while you feel like this - its not fair on either of you.[/QUOTE] don't worry, i'm not. she told my friend she's 100% ready to be friends with me again (after 2 weeks) and that honestly worries me. for the sake of our mutual friend group i'm gonna be cordial with her but i'm not gonna attempt to be friends for a long time

How often do you guys think about suicide? I wouldn't consider myself depressed as such, but fairly frequently I'll have thoughts of suicide - nothing I think I'd ever go through with, but I guess I'm asking to what degree you guys do that, too; because I mean, seems kinda weird.

[QUOTE=GoDong-DK;52802542]How often do you guys think about suicide? I wouldn't consider myself depressed as such, but fairly frequently I'll have thoughts of suicide - nothing I think I'd ever go through with, but I guess I'm asking to what degree you guys do that, too; because I mean, seems kinda weird.[/QUOTE] As someone who almost went through with it, 'bout twice a month now but since my life is going through a net positive moment right now, those moments consist of "oh man if I'd killed myself I'd have lost some good shit, man what a fool"

[QUOTE=GoDong-DK;52802542]How often do you guys think about suicide? I wouldn't consider myself depressed as such, but fairly frequently I'll have thoughts of suicide - nothing I think I'd ever go through with, but I guess I'm asking to what degree you guys do that, too; because I mean, seems kinda weird.[/QUOTE] I get like abstract suicidal thoughts multiple times a day. I don't really picture myself doing it, or even how I would do it, and I've never felt an actual urge to do it, but im going to therapy for it anyways

About 2-3 times a week.

[QUOTE=Bathtub;52801460]don't worry, i'm not. she told my friend she's 100% ready to be friends with me again (after 2 weeks) and that honestly worries me. for the sake of our mutual friend group i'm gonna be cordial with her but i'm not gonna attempt to be friends for a long time[/QUOTE] You're right dude but it depends on how long you were with her for. I dated a girl for 3 years and like a month or two after it ended she was dating someone else, you can call it a rebound but she's been with him for a year now. Some people just don't care about you as much as you cared about them

[QUOTE=GoDong-DK;52802542]How often do you guys think about suicide? I wouldn't consider myself depressed as such, but fairly frequently I'll have thoughts of suicide - nothing I think I'd ever go through with, but I guess I'm asking to what degree you guys do that, too; because I mean, seems kinda weird.[/QUOTE] Funny thing, I was actually thinking about it right before I got on here. It's usually idle thoughts like "I might kill myself if I reach age 30 and am still single" but I'm pretty sure it's not something I would ever go through with. The one time I thought about it most seriously was in college, and weirdly it was mostly due to a feeling that my life was better than it had ever been, and I felt like it could only go downhill from where I was. Like I wanted to end on a high note. But obviously I didn't, and that line of thinking never even led to an attempt.

Oh yeah speaking of death in general, one random thought that fucks me up sometimes is "what if I (or a person I'm really close to) suddenly died one day? Would I have said/done everything I wanted to say/do?" I try to live in such a way that the answer to that is always "yes" but there are one or two really close friends in my life that make me think "I should really talk about X with that person next time we see each other"

Thanks for the responses guys, I appreciate them. Kinda trying to figure out whether I want to see a psychologist about it - I guess thoughts like that kinda come from a bad place; at the same time it seems to me that it might be something most people walk around with from time to time.

Nothing wrong in thinking about now and then. I mean, it's sort of the adult equivalent of a kid asking "what is death? What happens?" I've never explicitly thought about killing myself, but when my depression was at its highest, there were certainly some nights when I went to bed where I thought to myself "I sure hope I don't wake up tomorrow".

Weird question, but is it okay to be afraid of love? a specific circumstance that i am in brought me to ask this

[QUOTE=GoDong-DK;52804678]Thanks for the responses guys, I appreciate them. Kinda trying to figure out whether I want to see a psychologist about it - I guess thoughts like that kinda come from a bad place; at the same time it seems to me that it might be something most people walk around with from time to time.[/QUOTE] For me, its more odd, instead of thinking of killing myself, its more of a 'worst case scenario' so like I imagine sitting in the bus, the bus skidding and causing mayhem, or some terror incident on the subway, or some car plowing into peds. Its sorta primed me with the news always having these fuck up situations cropping up. [editline]21st October 2017[/editline] Also, do you guys feel depression is just limited to the ones we know? Because just this week, I feel pretty shitty, but its not like its bad, I just am fucking bored, pretty much just cooked and bake all week(and end up having too much food), meeting friends, tried to learn guitar, anything to keep me occupied, but I still feel like nothing, and it makes me somewhat sad. You think its depression?

Probably not depression. Everyone can have days where they feel shite. A depression is if you keep feeling that day every single day for a long period of time, with no end in sight.

[QUOTE=sourcegamer101;52804730]Weird question, but is it okay to be afraid of love? a specific circumstance that i am in brought me to ask this[/QUOTE] It's pretty normal to get anxiety about relationships, finding love, unrequited love, or feeling unable to show love- I'm sure almost everyone has worried about it once in their life. Whether or not it's okay depends on if you're okay with it, or if you want to work on whatever is causing you to be afraid of love. And you can be "okay" while working on improving your situation.

Oh god. I just got hit with a totally loaded question. I have a friend that I used to hook up with fairly regularly. We're basically exes in everything but name, still on pretty good terms, but she's a lot more "over it" than I am, and honestly I think she's not very understanding/tolerant of that. Hopefully she's just oblivious. Today's my birthday, and we're texting back and forth, she's wishing me a happy birthday, and we're starting to make plans to celebrate... and she asks me if she and her new boyfriend can come over to my place. Just the three of us. I'm totally not ready for that, but I genuinely think she'll resent me if I say so. This question feels like a trap and this is totally not the day I should have to be dealing with it.