Super Friendly Social and Love Advice v8 - Stop spamming her with texts. - General

If it doesn't feel comfortable, why do it? Better you go off with some resentment than having a terrible time with friends and on your birthday.

I'm convinced there is some super secret meaning behind the amount of "X"s a text contains. When we first met there where no Xs, we started talking daily then she started putting one X. Now after telling her she's pretty and showing her I'm interested she has started giving sending two Xs What could this mean...

It's a variable

You need to be careful, as some people who practice dark rituals by moonlight will attempt to entrap their victims' souls for use in necromancy by marking them with X-shaped sigils and sacrificing them. Use of modern techno-rites shows that the shadow gods don't actually mind how the sigils are applied--they can even just be seen by the victim, after which they become marked onto the brain. If she manages to build up enough sigils in you to overpower your natural light force (the strength of which depends on your understanding of divinations and how frequently you eat food grown under full sunlight), you may find yourself vulnerable to being soul-cast into a deep-earth crystal. If i were you, i'd start eating a lot more cucumbers, nightshades, bananas, legumes, corn, etc., and/or start looking for some ancient druidic tomes. It's also possible she's one of us typical folk blessed under the glow of the gods of sun and star, and just enjoys talking to you. Make of that what you will, though you might still want to consider googling the closest antique bookstores.

Devil magic seems more likely tbh

[QUOTE=The golden;52805202]Depending on context: Yes. Relationships require a lot of work to function properly and some people might not be ok with some of the things they'd have to do in order to make one work. A person might also be afraid of love if previous romances lead to abuse or other negative experiences. Aromantic people especially are adverse to love and may get extremely uncomfortable if someone approaches them with romance.[/QUOTE] im fine with committing and putting in work, its just past shit for me. i have a hard time trusting people, so if i actually like you, respect you as a person, and actually want to chill with you, then that's a very good thing. its a struggle to open up and be real to a new person when youre dragging around past emotional baggage, and i always think "what if i care about them more than they do me?" which turned out to be the true almost all the time.

[QUOTE=_Maverick_;52806104]I'm convinced there is some super secret meaning behind the amount of "X"s a text contains. When we first met there where no Xs, we started talking daily then she started putting one X. Now after telling her she's pretty and showing her I'm interested she has started giving sending two Xs What could this mean...[/QUOTE] A handy guide for y's, but just as applicable to x's, too! :eng101: [IMG]https://singlegirlsurvival.files.wordpress.com/2012/08/72b22_funny-texting-hey-word.jpeg?w=557[/IMG]

[QUOTE=Loofiloo;52805660]Oh god. I just got hit with a totally loaded question. I have a friend that I used to hook up with fairly regularly. We're basically exes in everything but name, still on pretty good terms, but she's a lot more "over it" than I am, and honestly I think she's not very understanding/tolerant of that. Hopefully she's just oblivious. Today's my birthday, and we're texting back and forth, she's wishing me a happy birthday, and we're starting to make plans to celebrate... and she asks me if she and her new boyfriend can come over to my place. Just the three of us. I'm totally not ready for that, but I genuinely think she'll resent me if I say so. This question feels like a trap and this is totally not the day I should have to be dealing with it.[/QUOTE] Just say no

[QUOTE=Archimedes;52782979]Realized a earlier this month that I've become very fond of a very close friend of mine but I feel like she might not have the same feelings. I wanted to hold off and maybe process more but I don't feel it's healthy to sit on this for too long. Gonna talk to her this week when our schedules align and figure our where to go from there. Wish me luck.[/QUOTE] We talked. Still friends which is best. I wish she had told me that she was 100% not interested to remove any lingering doubt but the conversation was therapeutic for both of us. It's funny though, because another friend doodled a little black heart onto my wrist without knowing I'd be talking to her today. Fitting I guess. It might not show in text but I feel happy and relieved.

How much weight do you guys put on texts? I've seen this girl twice now and both times have been stellar, and our texting started off great and fun and weird, but is quite a bit more vanilla now, although we text like every day - just workday conversation though. I'm seeing her for lunch on Tuesday, and we planned to hang on Saturday which she brought up yesterday, so I assume its still going ahead. Is this something you guys would be worried about in my position?

Not all of your texts are going to be sexy and wild. You're probably reading into it too much, especially since she's still actively pursuing dates with you. Just go have your dates and enjoy, bub.

[QUOTE=killerteacup;52807549]How much weight do you guys put on texts? I've seen this girl twice now and both times have been stellar, and our texting started off great and fun and weird, but is quite a bit more vanilla now, although we text like every day - just workday conversation though. I'm seeing her for lunch on Tuesday, and we planned to hang on Saturday which she brought up yesterday, so I assume its still going ahead. Is this something you guys would be worried about in my position?[/QUOTE] You can't expect people to always have high energy in texting, even amongst friends, it quickly wears down. Also, constant texting can be exhausting, even people in relationships have quiet or low periods.

feeling like all my friends are going to abandon me and i dont know what to do other than therapy im miserable and i hate that im affecting other people

[QUOTE=Bathtub;52808697]feeling like all my friends are going to abandon me and i dont know what to do other than therapy im miserable and i hate that im affecting other people[/QUOTE] Find something to occupy your time, hobby, volunteering, sports or work.

[QUOTE=Ignhelper;52808711]Find something to occupy your time, hobby, volunteering, sports or work.[/QUOTE] i really am trying but its like i don't enjoy anythhing i used to enjoy its like a self fulfilling prophecy, im distancing myself from my friends so i dont get hurt but then im just screwing myself because everyone feels so far away

Hell's yes, I managed to set up a loose date with this nice afghan girl. Just called her real quick and asked her about some shit, leading to me asking her for a coffee, and she suggested next weekend. Kinda pretty stoked myself, although I think the phone call ended weird. I used a wrong word for a "bye" plus I redundantly said "thanks" at some point, but whatever. We'll see how it goes.

Last week a girl in one of my classes who I've had a bit of a crush on since the beginning of the semester started talking to me. As in, she was the one who initiated conversation with me first. I've been doing a good job not being a sperg when I'm talking to her but I don't know if she could tell I've been crushing on her or if she's just being friendly.

[QUOTE=Taepodong-2;52809233]Last week a girl in one of my classes who I've had a bit of a crush on since the beginning of the semester started talking to me. As in, she was the one who initiated conversation with me first. I've been doing a good job not being a sperg when I'm talking to her but [B]I don't know if she could tell I've been crushing on her or if she's just being friendly.[/B][/QUOTE] Maybe she has noticed that, and now she's (or has been) crushing on you too. But you can't really know before you ask her out. Explore that pussy but take it easy, she sounds friendly indeed. Maybe talk to her more, become more friendly with her, and see if at some point it feels like a good idea to ask her out, or for her number.

[QUOTE=Bathtub;52808717]i really am trying but its like i don't enjoy anythhing i used to enjoy its like a self fulfilling prophecy, im distancing myself from my friends so i dont get hurt but then im just screwing myself because everyone feels so far away[/QUOTE] That's depression. Remember, this isn't a character issue. It is just your brain not properly handling the reward chemical. You are not alone, and your friends still care for you.

[QUOTE=Eriorguez;52809429]That's depression. Remember, this isn't a character issue. It is just your brain not properly handling the reward chemical. You are not alone, and your friends still care for you.[/QUOTE] thanks for the response. im gonna talk to my therapist about the potential of depression because i definitely seem to check all the boxes

Related question: Does anybody have any experience or advice for beating depression? Been depressed for my whole adult life and I've recently started to become aware of how much it's ruined for me and how it alienates me from people. Been seeing a therapist recently and I feel like I'm making progress but it's hard, slow going and it regresses very quickly. I was curious if anybody has any specific advice.

[QUOTE=Strike 86;52810930]Related question: Does anybody have any experience or advice for beating depression? Been depressed for my whole adult life and I've recently started to become aware of how much it's ruined for me and how it alienates me from people. Been seeing a therapist recently and I feel like I'm making progress but it's hard, slow going and it regresses very quickly. I was curious if anybody has any specific advice.[/QUOTE] Everybody is different, advice for one person may be helpful for one, and unhelpful for another. With that in mind what helped me a great deal was going to my local nerd hangout (where they usually sell warhammer, yu-gi-ho cards, Pokemon cards one of those shops) and getting involved there. My one had a all night board game social event and going there helped me to make new friends and meet new people Most of the friends I made there where suffering with depression and anxiety too. Maybe you could look into social gaming events too

[QUOTE=Strike 86;52810930]Related question: Does anybody have any experience or advice for beating depression? Been depressed for my whole adult life and I've recently started to become aware of how much it's ruined for me and how it alienates me from people. Been seeing a therapist recently and I feel like I'm making progress but it's hard, slow going and it regresses very quickly. I was curious if anybody has any specific advice.[/QUOTE] try the meetup app Or use couchsurfing like me

i brought a girl to my place to cook, and we went up to the roof to chill and talk while we were waiting for the rice. i think god must've been watching out for me or something because fireworks started going off, and we talked about it being a cool place to view fireworks just a few minutes before. i didn't do much to seize the moment, i just started shouting 'WHAT THE FUCK LOL' and we talked a bit more and enjoyed a nice meal once we stepped down. i think that's one of those crazy moments neckbeards fantasize about and i lived it. anyways how do i go forward??? i have a couple of mutual friends telling me i should try to hang out w/ her more but i start to seize up and back out every time stuff like this happens.

[QUOTE=Strike 86;52810930]Related question: Does anybody have any experience or advice for beating depression? Been depressed for my whole adult life and I've recently started to become aware of how much it's ruined for me and how it alienates me from people. Been seeing a therapist recently and I feel like I'm making progress but it's hard, slow going and it regresses very quickly. I was curious if anybody has any specific advice.[/QUOTE] A lot of the common "cures" people suggest for depression are long term projects that end up being incredibly difficult when you have a motivational disorder, so here's something that you can start with that will take about an hour: Set some goals for different areas of your life - social (friends/family/love life), academic, career, hobbies, physical health, mental health, and any others you can think of. For each of those categories, write some things that you think you're doing well in those areas. Then come up with some things you're unhappy with that you can improve on. Use that second list in each category to come up with some specific goals - try to think of some goals that are specific, concrete, and manageable for you. For instance, I felt I was isolating from my group of friends too often, so I made a goal to spend time with them at least twice a week. Focus on determining what *you* value and working from there.

Ugh. My ex made this long facebook post about how unlike other people she doesn't want a life partner but rather someone "she's very happy with for the moment". She goes on to say that while she tries not do anything stupid and she wants her relationships to last, she doesn't want to feel pressured to make things work. She doesn't expect other people to personally develop into the same direction she does, and by solely relying on other people for your happiness you end up harming yourself. She also says that even though it's a romantic idea "which can work for some people", by binding yourself to one person you give away your independence and "lightness". Yeah, I kinda wish she would have told me that before we got together for 1 1/2 years until she suddenly broke up with me. Honestly though, what is this mindset? I get that her mother's broken marriage probably doesn't help, but her views on relationships just seem ridiculous to me. A real relationship isn't detrimental, it's uplifting. What's even better is that according to her friends she's now with someone else and they don't even know whether it's something serious or not. In the meantime I'm sitting at home, alone, trying to forget her and wanting to have a serious relationship again, but ultimately failing at both. This isn't fair. [QUOTE=LaughingStock;52811218]i brought a girl to my place to cook, and we went up to the roof to chill and talk while we were waiting for the rice. i think god must've been watching out for me or something because fireworks started going off, and we talked about it being a cool place to view fireworks just a few minutes before. i didn't do much to seize the moment, i just started shouting 'WHAT THE FUCK LOL' and we talked a bit more and enjoyed a nice meal once we stepped down. i think that's one of those crazy moments neckbeards fantasize about and i lived it. anyways how do i go forward??? i have a couple of mutual friends telling me i should try to hang out w/ her more but i start to seize up and back out every time stuff like this happens.[/QUOTE] If you like her then there should be no reason for you to do that. Like your friends told you, just spend more time with her and you'll see whether you're into her or not. Don't let a lack of self-confidence ruin this.

Would you think less of someone if they went to trauma counselling rather than deal with it on their own?

Wouldn't that make you think more of that person because they have realized they need help and sought after it? If you have a problem it's far harder to seek help than it is to just sit on it, so in my eye that person is someone who wants to better themselves and that can only be a good thing.

[QUOTE=Strike 86;52810930]Related question: Does anybody have any experience or advice for beating depression? Been depressed for my whole adult life and I've recently started to become aware of how much it's ruined for me and how it alienates me from people. Been seeing a therapist recently and I feel like I'm making progress but it's hard, slow going and it regresses very quickly. I was curious if anybody has any specific advice.[/QUOTE] Well I guess what works for me is, moving away to a new place/job. Also get up in the morning, and sleep at might. Inhale that morning air. Sleep enough. Then the brain will correct itself

[QUOTE=_Maverick_;52811579]Would you think less of someone if they went to trauma counselling rather than deal with it on their own?[/QUOTE] No? Trauma is fucking hard to deal with, of someone recognizes they need help and gets it that is totally not a bad thing, honestly I'm proud of all my friends who get over the stigma of getting mental health help and do it. Anyone who does think less of someone for that is honestly an ass [editline]23rd October 2017[/editline] [QUOTE=Strike 86;52810930]Related question: Does anybody have any experience or advice for beating depression? Been depressed for my whole adult life and I've recently started to become aware of how much it's ruined for me and how it alienates me from people. Been seeing a therapist recently and I feel like I'm making progress but it's hard, slow going and it regresses very quickly. I was curious if anybody has any specific advice.[/QUOTE] Personally, I had to stop looking at it as beating depression to get anywhere with it. At least for me depression is a lifelong thing along with anxiety so it's more of a management deal, and the better you can learn to manage it the more time you can spend not depressed. But if you look at it like you'll do some stuff and be cured, if you've got a regular old brain imabalnce, it leads to dropping good habits and regressing a lot then being upset it's not gone, in my experience. Manly has good advice with the goals stuff, and hopefully your therapist has given some good advice on more immediate management techniques. The best advice a friend ever gave me was to stop being upset that I'm not happy. No one is happy all the time and I would end up making myself more upset because I was upset that I was upset to begin with. Sometimes having a shit day is ok and it doesn't mean that's going to be a trend or that you've really regressed, it was just a bad day.