Super Friendly Social and Love Advice v8 - Stop spamming her with texts. - General

If the new girl turns out to be awful and you sent the other away, you're going to hate yourself.

Socializing at 19 is awkward for everyone right, cause it feels like I'm skating off of previous friendships while its difficult to build any new ones as most social events near me are booze related.

I have phone interview with facebook today and I know I will fuck it up (their expectations are high while I am okay with practical side I have barely any clue on theoretical side). Biggest fear: They will ask me to solve problem using some solution I am not familiar with, heck - I don't even know how to say "ehh, I cant". It's at 4 PM and I think I will be stressed all day at work up until that point, today is not looking like a good day. :v:

[QUOTE=arleitiss;51373708]I have phone interview with facebook today and I know I will fuck it up (their expectations are high while I am okay with practical side I have barely any clue on theoretical side). Biggest fear: They will ask me to solve problem using some solution I am not familiar with, heck - I don't even know how to say "ehh, I cant". It's at 4 PM and I think I will be stressed all day at work up until that point, today is not looking like a good day. :v:[/QUOTE] welp. Somehow managed to ace it.

[QUOTE=NixNax123;51371849]Does anyone have advice on deciding between two women. I'm torn and I don't want to be a cheating asshole so I have to make a choice. One of them I met on Tinder and we hit it off awesomely, we are planning to go on more dates and she seems to really like me. She also lives fairly close to me which is great. We talk pretty much daily and we have a ton in common. The other girl is one I've known (and have a history with) (it's the girl I tried to kiss) (we actually made out a few weeks ago and probably again tonight) and we connect personally really deeply on a ton of things. We have the same taste in a lot of stuff and share very similar views on life in general. I think they're both really cute. However, she lives 3 hours away from my place at Uni, but in my hometown (where I go for breaks including summer). She's off to college in Florida next head too. My heart says this girl but I feel like the pragmatic choice is the other girl. Anyone have any tips on deciding? [editline]14th November 2016[/editline] Sorry about any grammar issues, on my phone atm[/QUOTE] But like same. So it's been awhile since I posted here. Multiple years. So, I've had a girlfriend for the past year and 5 months. It took us 6 months but on that anniversary we told each other we love each other. We would both go to the end of the world back for each other. We really do deeply care for each other. Going to college didn't give me any concerns since I knew we would be okay, since we cared so strongly for each other. Then I met someone here. It started as just a friendship, but me and this new girl got very close. We were the only people we could trust to actually discuss the things that were othering us. At the same time, things with my girlfriend back at home were getting strained. The communication and connection was fading, but we knew we would push through it no matter what. So whenever things got tough, me and this new girl would talk about it and it was a good support system to vent to and shit. Then I started getting feelings for her. She's the only person other than my girlfriend who has gone out of their way for me, and has done so much for me. She's always there and so goddamn helpful, I couldn't help but get feelings. I pushed these under the rug though, since I knew I love my girlfriend and would never leave her. Eventually the feelings got so strong, and me and this girl were so close, that I felt comfortable telling her. I told her I had feelings, and it was making me struggle because I really enjoyed her but needed to make time for my girlfriend, which was diminishing. That's when she told me she had feelings for me too. So my world flipped upside down. No one ever really likes me... it's an insecurity I've had for a long time but there's some truth to it. Regardless, that's a discussion for another time, just know: no one's ever liked me except my girlfriend and this girl. That's something that's immediately incredible to me. I've known this girl for 1 month. Not only do we trust each other to share some deep deep and scary shit about ourselves, but now she likes me too. There's a connection there. There's a really strong connection there. This connection grew years faster than me and my current girlfriend's did. So I started thinking... and that's what dammed me. I started thinking if I should do it, leave my girlfriend who I do truly love and be with this new girl who I can't predict the future with, but I have an amazing connection with. Well as this was all going on communication between me and my girlfriend reached an all time low. Eventually, I did it. I told her I couldn't handle the forms of communication we had (texting, calling videochatting... etc). It wasn't a lie. These are all things that make me extremely uncomfortable and unnerved. I dread phone calls, and especially video chats. But that was the only thing me and my girlfriend had, so I had to do/say something. The night ended with us breaking up, and it was the worst pain I've ever felt. I was leaving the girl I spent all my time with. I didn't have friends to talk to or text. I didn't hang out with other people. My entire world, for a year and 4 months, was this girl. When she was gone, I was destroyed. And right by my side the whole time, was the new girl. 24 hours later I was making out with her on her couch. I eventually forced myself to leave, feeling guilty and like a terrible person. She didn't do anything wrong. The entire time she was [I]very[/I] clear about making sure she didn't, or for that matter I didn't do something I would regret. That's something she is very passionate about, not pressuring people and what not. I made the decision to start kissing her, and I felt terrible for it. But then I realized I really do like this girl and she likes me too, and I'm not with my girlfriend anymore, so I guess I'll continue. We hooked up for about a week. Without saying too much about her, she's been struggling a lot. She's gone through some serious shit, and her coping method was always to hook up with random guys. She would tell me about this, we would always talk about it when we talked about our issues and venting. Point being, she was never with someone she actually cared about. Someone she wanted a future with, and someone who cared about her too, until me. So she [I]really[/I] cared about me. Not in the sense that she wanted a hook up, in the sense that she always wants me to be happiest I can be. That week we were both happy. Prior to it, we were both miserable. Then me and my girlfriend started talking again. Every night when I went back to my room I would think about the things I did with the new girl, and despite not technically doing anything wrong, I felt terrible. I hated myself. I still do. I absolutely hated the things I did. But, they also made me the happiest I've been in a while. This was someone I seriously cared about. Even my roommate commented about how I was being awfully happy recently and seemed much more at peace. But the nights tore me apart. I missed my girlfriend. I missed being with her, seeing her smile, talking to her. I missed her so much. I loved being with this new girl, someone who cared about me and I her, but I love my girlfriend. So after the week, we got back together, and I had to stop with the new girl. She was understanding, albeit broken. She still wanted to be my friend, and me hers. We're still the closests people on this campus. We still tell each other everything. I still told her about my issues with my girlfriend, even knowing she liked me. So another week goes by. Things aren't even awkward between me and her. We were still friends who deeply cared for each other's well being no matter what. My girlfriend never knew what happened. Then, my girlfriend leaves me. She says it's because I wasn't communicating as much, and I changed. This time however, I wasn't nearly as crushed as the first. It still hurt so much, I still loved her and didn't want that, but for some reason (maybe because i just ran out of emotion), I felt apathetic. Let's recap before I continue: Girlfriend and I go into college, I meet new girl who I have extremely close connection with, I break up with girlfriend, me and new girl hook up, I get back with girlfriend after a week, after another week, we break up again. Sounds fucked up right? It gets worse. So after we break up this second time (keep in mind a month ago i couldn't even fathom us apart) the new girl is the first to know. She's the first to know anything about me, we really are close and reliable friends, even after hooking up (goes to show how deeply we connected and care). Then, time goes by, and me and her start hooking up again. She's never been in a relationship before, she's terrified of them. She tells me she's willing to try it with me. I say I'm not sure if I'm ready for that yet. I wanted the relationship. i wanted it so bad. But I didn't want to hurt my ex. I couldn't stand to imagine how she would feel to see her ex boyfriend of over a year, who does still love her, with someone else. I wouldn't survive knowing the pain she'd be in. I still loved that woman. The new girl accepts that I dont feel ready, and we continue whatever we were. We were loyal to each other. We spent 24/7 with each other. We always kept each other happy. But it wasn't a relationship. I kinda liked it. I would still feel terrible, still miss my girlfriend, still want to be with her sometimes, but I liked it. Then, I cut my finger tip off. The run to health & wellness. The wait for the ambulance. The ambulance ride and emergency room. The surgery. The discharge. [I]The drive back to my house in Jersey with my parents. The weekend I was home recovering.[/I] She had my hand the whole time. It was after this that I started to move on from my ex. I realized, damn, this girl really does care about me, and even though I may not want to admit it to myself, I really care about her too. When we come back to campus I feel like a new person. I start telling a select few people it's a relationship. I start feeling comfortable being with this new woman. I still missed my ex, I still loved my ex, but I felt new. Then the next weekend comes, I go back home again. This time, by myself. When home me and my ex decide to meet up for lunch, since we still want to be friends. Keep in mind she knows nothing. I didn't say a word during lunch. I sat there, crying in public, filled with dread and regret. Seeing her, I missed her so much. I loved her so much. I couldn't believe I left her. She told me she wanted to get back together, and I told her I needed to think about it. She didn't understand why-- she just saw me in tears about the break up, why wouldn't I want to get back together immediately? Well I really [I]really[/I] cared about the new girl. She obviously didn't know this. So I go back to school, and the first person i talk to, naturally, is the new girl. I tell her how I've been feeling conflicted lately, and unsure, and fucking pissed that i had to make a decision. I know since im glancing over this it seems insignificant, but I almost took my own life so I wouldn't have to make this decision. The new girl kept telling me over and over to pick my ex, she wanted me to be happy and couldnt bring herself to be selfish. So I did. i hated my decision, but either way I'd be sad. So now I'm with my old girlfriend of over a year, again. Me and new girl are just friends, again. We still know we care deeply for each other and want each other to be happy. We still spend all day together and love each other's company. Just, we dont do those other things anymore. My girlfriend acts like a different person. She doesnt care if I take a while to text back, or cant talk sometimes, she just wants to be with me. I'm satisfied with the type of relationship i have with her now, since I have more freedom, but i cant help but remember I still like this other girl. On top of that, I have this massive lie I'm hiding from her. I fucking love her so much I cant even stand to see her in pain. i truly do want a future with her. I want to marry her and have kids with her. But she's also really far away. The new girl is with me everyday, makes me objectively more happy since she's here and not just text on a screen, and to be honest did some very fucking sexy shit in bed. She cares for me like no one other than my girlfriend has. She was with me the entire time I hurt my finger. She was with me when I was crying about a break up, even though she had feelings. She was with me when I got back with my girlfriend, even though she has feelings. She is always, [I]always[/I] there for me. Yesterday was my birthday. The card she gave me had an amazing letter, talking about how our relationship is strange, about how I broke her out of bad habits, how I changed her life. How I stopped her from harming herself. It concluded talking about how she's so happy that no matter what, [I]no matter what[/I], we ca always be friends. I loved it. It made me so happy. She loved it too. So I go back to my room that night, my birthday night, last night, with her (since we're always together). And she says happy bday goodnight blah blah blah and leaves. So my sentimental ass takes her card to read it again. In the envelop. Written upside down. Hidden deep within the crease, are the words: "I'm falling in love with you." This shit fucked me up, man. She's told me, many times, how she treats love [I]very[/I] seriously. She's told me how she's never loved anymore. She's told me how she cringed when her roommates say they love her, since she knows they don't actually, since they just met. I knew all this before she even liked me. To see her say that. [I]Her[/I]. It means something. I hate putting her through this. I hate that I don't know what to do. I hate that I dont feel as comfortable with my girlfriend of 1.5 years as I do with my friend of 2 months. I hate that the one person who actually cares about me, other than my girlfriend, I closed the door on. I hate that I changed this girls life than fucking left her in the dirt. I hate that Im with my girlfriend now. I love that im with my girlfriend now. I hate that I cant be with her. I'm glad I'm with my girlfriend. I wish I never met her. She's the best person I've ever met. [editline]15th November 2016[/editline] jesus christ i'm sorry also, feel free to ask questions. this shit is so complicated i definitely missed something

Remember that your actions mean something. If you like another girl enough to get this confused, whatever relationship you had before had problems, or was too hard to maintain. Your story was a bit confusing to me but it seems like you enjoy this new person. Sometimes you also just have to take a break between people and be single. Hopefully I read it right. [editline]15th November 2016[/editline] Anyways, I'm going to be 30 soon. Still single. Live in a small town and know everyone, not really sure what to do.

You need to step back and think things through. On your own. The longer you juggle between those two girls, the far more hurt you will all be in the end

I've been "stepping back" for the past month. I can't figure out what I want to do. I know I want to be with the new girl, but I worry if I'll regret that decision in the future. And I can't stand to say that to my girlfriend. I couldn't see her hurt like that.

[QUOTE=lope;51376499] I couldn't see her hurt like that.[/QUOTE] Sometimes you have to be brave and hurt other for a little because in the long run it will be better for both of you. I have been stuck with someone way longer than I've wanted to simply because I did not want to hurt their feelings. You need to tell her exactly how you feel

So I got my boyfriend a new bass guitar to replace the one he had to pawn off to help take care of his little sister and he was so excited that he bought me a gift in return. [t]https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/191055000615518208/248272401610047488/IMG_3013.JPG[/t] This tiger has the smallest head imaginable and I love him. Gifts don't always have to be super expensive and meaningful I think. I spent quite a bit on his guitar but didn't expect much in return but I love this dumb tiger this is the best thing I've gotten in years.

[QUOTE=Pascall;51377455]So I got my boyfriend a new bass guitar to replace the one he had to pawn off to help take care of his little sister and he was so excited that he bought me a gift in return. [t]https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/191055000615518208/248272401610047488/IMG_3013.JPG[/t] This tiger has the smallest head imaginable and I love him. Gifts don't always have to be super expensive and meaningful I think. I spent quite a bit on his guitar but didn't expect much in return but I love this dumb tiger this is the best thing I've gotten in years.[/QUOTE] y'all sound cute as fuck [editline]15th November 2016[/editline] speaking of gifts, i have an idea for a friend who wants to write movies in the future but is feeling hesitant i want to get her this book on screenwriting called The Anatomy of a Story and then create/print a bookmark for it covered with pixars 22 rules of storytelling is that a thoughtful gift? i dont know how id make the bookmark but i dont even know if its a good idea

I've had several years of rough relationships so this one is like a breath of fresh air honestly. [editline]15th November 2016[/editline] [QUOTE=Bathtub;51377471] speaking of gifts, i have an idea for a friend who wants to write movies in the future but is feeling hesitant i want to get her this book on screenwriting called The Anatomy of a Story and then create/print a bookmark for it covered with pixars 22 rules of storytelling is that a thoughtful gift? i dont know how id make the bookmark but i dont even know if its a good idea[/QUOTE] You can probably make the bookmark at [URL="http://www.vistaprint.com/bookmarks.aspx?GP=11%2f15%2f2016+9%3a38%3a57+PM&GPS=4148246169&GNF=1"]vistaprint![/URL] I think that's a pretty cool gift. Books are always handy, especially if they're on a topic someone's really interested in.

[QUOTE=Pascall;51377485]I've had several years of rough relationships so this one is like a breath of fresh air honestly. [editline]15th November 2016[/editline] You can probably make the bookmark at [URL="http://www.vistaprint.com/bookmarks.aspx?GP=11%2f15%2f2016+9%3a38%3a57+PM&GPS=4148246169&GNF=1"]vistaprint![/URL] I think that's a pretty cool gift. Books are always handy, especially if they're on a topic someone's really interested in.[/QUOTE] Thanks for the template, I gotta do a little designing on my own before I can figure out where to print. And thank you for the feedback too, I think it would be a thoughtful yet cheap gift.

[QUOTE=Glitchman;51376553]Sometimes you have to be brave and hurt other for a little because in the long run it will be better for both of you. I have been stuck with someone way longer than I've wanted to simply because I did not want to hurt their feelings. You need to tell her exactly how you feel[/QUOTE] You're not the only one who has said this.. but I can't physically bring myself to do that to her. I couldn't live with myself. That's how we got back together.

[QUOTE=lope;51380114]You're not the only one who has said this.. but I can't physically bring myself to do that to her. I couldn't live with myself. That's how we got back together.[/QUOTE] By doing nothing, you are also hurting them

[QUOTE=VIOLATION_SNG;51263308]do you live on campus? try hanging out in your hall's lounge if there is one. at least for my uni that's where i met a large amount of my really good friends freshman year other than that seriously consider joining some clubs or intramural sports if you're into that. pretty much ever club is completely non-committal in that if you don't want to be in it, you just stop going to meetings. but yeah how are you asking these people and what sort of time frame are you giving them to respond?[/QUOTE] Sorry, completely forgot about this I've been to the lounge a few times, but I rarely see more than a couple of people there if anyone. Usually they're in a group doing their own thing too (like the DnD club that meets there) that I'm not overly interested in, and I try not to bother them. Usually when I ask people to do something, I text them a day or two in advance (say Thurs or Fri if I want to do something Saturday) and leave the question very open ended, instead of asking outright to do something I ask if they're free to do anything at all. Usually I'm given a response that they plan to go to another city for the weekend (there's admittedly not all that much to do here, and we're between 2 larger cities an hour away) or are having friends over from one of those cities. I've also been asking the same 2 people that I consider myself friends with occasionally (say once or twice a month), one I've been able to meet up with more after class lately and I've been trying to ask more to do something specific (like grabbing a coffee), so maybe that's an improvement. Something else I've been thinking about lately though, there's this girl I like that I have for a couple of classes. I'm pretty bad at small talk and approaching people, so I'm trying to figure out how I could just have a short, meaningful conversation with her without making either of us uncomfortable. I remember from a powerpoint in a class a few months ago that she's been a military brat her whole life like I have, and that she's into writing like I am. Additionally, she seems fairly shy like me, I almost never see her outside of class and in class she's always next to one other girl. How do you think I should approach this, would it seem weird in any way bringing up stuff from that powerpoint that was over 4 months ago just now? Edit: I'd also like to be able to talk to her today, I have a class with her that has its final session today and I think it would be easiest to work up a nerve to say something there.

[QUOTE=lope;51380114]You're not the only one who has said this.. but I can't physically bring myself to do that to her. I couldn't live with myself. That's how we got back together.[/QUOTE] You need to admit you're thinking about yourself here not her. You're not protecting her by lying to her about this. Either way you need to make a decision because it's not right to lead them both on until you do.

[QUOTE=plunger435;51380503]You need to admit you're thinking about yourself here not her. You're not protecting her by lying to her about this. Either way you need to make a decision because it's not right to lead them both on until you do.[/QUOTE] I know I need too. It's a lot harder than it seems tojist "make a choice." It's even been making me suicidal recently which i haven't felt in years because i just can't make a decision. i'm really tired of making decisions. I wish it was out of my control or never even happened.

I'm going to break up with a girl. I ended up saying sure to going out with them last week and their fucking crazy. I dunno what to do though and I'm super fucking dead inside right now because I'm really, really bad at actually showing emotions to people.

[QUOTE=windows098;51382041]I'm going to break up with a girl. I ended up saying sure to going out with them last week and their fucking crazy. I dunno what to do though and I'm super fucking dead inside right now because I'm really, really bad at actually showing emotions to people.[/QUOTE] You could be blunt about it and say you aren't fond of the way she's been acting towards you. [sp]Also, this girl is singular. "Them" and "their" are plural. "Their" shows possession, you meant "they're."[/sp]

I'm studying abroad in Japan right now and am having a hard time not panicking because this is the first time where I'm interested in someone and they have shown interest in me - I think All my friends say that she probably likes me based off what has happened, like her inviting me to an all weekend field trip, expressing interest to join me and my friends for karaoke and asking me if she was cute(this was the first time we met, she said it in japanese using a dialect word she and some other girls were trying to explain to me and some friends) At the same time my head is doubting it even though all these things have happened. Yesterday I asked her "do you want to go to the mall, just you and me" with a subtle implication of a date and she said yes and I'm still doubting it Her English is very good - we can hold conversations about anything I can think of - but she can't follow slang or common phrases that aren't completely grammatically correct; she told me it took her years to figure out what "that sucks" meant in the context of an event going bad. My Japanese is nowhere near as good so when those situations arise we're both at a standstill but I've been able to avoid that from happening so far. So I'm not sure if my implication got through or not and I'm scared to ask if she thinks its a date or anything like that Also there's 5 weeks left before I leave and she has an extremely busy class schedule and is working a part time job on top of it so I'm also concerned about time

it's funny how hearing "I just don't want to hurt you" hurts more than anything else fuck breaking my leg was not even as painful after two years you'd think it'd be easy to give it to me straight do I just care about people too much? is it easy for everyone else to just let go of feelings that easily? am i just too naive that i believe people when they say they love you? every single relationship i've been in, they give me a hazy answer and a week later they're with another guy i feel sick i think i'll just stop investing myself in people, if this is what everyone does, because apparently it's easy for everyone else to just get over it or leave on a whim within days I hate "I love you" what a fucking joke and a lie, i'm so sick of it being used and thrown away, I don't believe anybody who says it anymore fucking hell can't i just get a break "I love you, and that's why I can't tell you, because it will just hurt you and I don't want to do that" go play with your new boyfriend, fuck it i'm just going to go get ripped in the gym or something i need something to take my mind off of it

I can't for the life of me engage people I'd like to bond with in a conversation They'll either be dismissive or outright not reply (on FB) I'm not that bad of a person anymore, at least be polite and reply you're busy gosh darn it

[QUOTE=SebiWarrior;51386011]I can't for the life of me engage people I'd like to bond with in a conversation They'll either be dismissive or outright not reply (on FB) I'm not that bad of a person anymore, at least be polite and reply you're busy gosh darn it[/QUOTE] Thats how I feel with tinder, and whats worse is when you're trying your damndest to start and continue a conversation but they're essentially giving one word replies.

[QUOTE=duckmaster;51387332]Thats how I feel with tinder, and whats worse is when you're trying your damndest to start and continue a conversation but they're essentially giving one word replies.[/QUOTE] well tinder is one thing, people you talk to irl another me and this one person in particular, she's quite shy so I do most of the talking but we chat face to face but anytime I send a message, she sees it and doesnt reply like what the hell

[QUOTE=SebiWarrior;51388461]well tinder is one thing, people you talk to irl another me and this one person in particular, she's quite shy so I do most of the talking but we chat face to face but anytime I send a message, she sees it and doesnt reply like what the hell[/QUOTE] Same thing's happening to me right now. I don't get girls, man.

[QUOTE=austin0331;51388464]Same thing's happening to me right now. I don't get girls, man.[/QUOTE] [I]bro just do it, she prob likes you[/I] ehm no, too easy

[QUOTE=SebiWarrior;51388468][I]bro just do it, she prob likes you[/I] ehm no, too easy[/QUOTE] The past 2 girls I've had a thing with do this. I hate silence, just tell me if things are good or if you're not interested, I hate having to guess. I tend to unwillingly overthink things, and with silence it just drives me crazy.

[QUOTE=SebiWarrior;51388468][I]bro just do it, she prob likes you[/I] ehm no, too easy[/QUOTE] if she's not replying to you on fb then chances are she doesn't like you in that way like it is still sort of easy at the end of the day

[QUOTE=killerteacup;51388480]if she's not replying to you on fb then chances are she doesn't like you in that way like it is still sort of easy at the end of the day[/QUOTE] I dont want to don giovanni my way into her pants - I am (finally) past the stage where I tried to do that with all girls - just get to know each other better