Super Friendly Social and Love Advice v8 - Stop spamming her with texts. - General

I wanna vouch for DBT, it's been 80% instrumental in the way i've turned my life round since two years ago. I had been in "traditional" "talk" therapy for about 7 years and i've made more progress in bettering myself and my life in the last 18 months with DBT than in all of those 7 years. I would also say, if you are going to do it, make sure you find someone who is specifically a CBT/DBT specialist or who works in a firm for CBT/DBT counseling professionals. If you have someone who tells you they do client-based therapy or talk therapy and they 'include some CBT ideas,' don't bother. Between seeing an LCSW (licensed clinical social worker) for an hour to just talk about my life and do some vague non-committal dream-analysis, and meeting with a DBT counselor for 45 minutes to set goals, track behaviors, practice mindfulness, and regulate emotions, the difference has been night and day. Often i would feel guilty or blame myself for sessions of talk therapy that felt ineffective, which was more often than seemed appropriate, and i would question my relationship with my counselor, unsure of how much i trusted them with details of my life, because there was an unclarified grey area about how much they needed to know to help me. My DBT counselor has very clear intentions and because of the way we discuss issues and problem-solve, i feel comfortable about our relationship. I'm probably still a bit bitter about those years i spent in talk therapy, so take my criticisms with salt--i don't want to make anybody feel bad for having success with it, and if it works for you, then it works for you! In my experience, DBT has been just way more effective.

[QUOTE=Ager O'Eggers;52816380]Thanks for the post. I've been thinking about it throughout the day, and I think you've pinpointed a problem of mine: I don't ask people about themselves.<br> If someone asks me something about myself, I'll gladly reply and talk, but I'm such an idiot that I never stop and think about doing the same.[/QUOTE] at least this isn't as bad as: New friend: "Hi, I'm<insert name>, nice to meet you" handshake Me: "Hi, <name goes here>, nice to meet you too!" New Friend: just stares at me expectantly Me: "Oh, my name's <my name here>" I do this so often it's become embarrassing. I forget to introduce myself after they've introduced themselves, and there's like a 15 second expectant pause where we're just making solid eye contact, mid handshake, and my brain is wracking itself thinking "shit, there's something socially required of me but I don't know what it is" and then the "oh shit ye my name oops"

[QUOTE=Spetsnaz95;52816353]Grandma being top-tier wingman.[/QUOTE] they're good genes brent

[QUOTE=LordCrypto;52814020]i don't normally say seek help but please seek help your post reeks of legitimate sociopathic tendencies[/QUOTE] I found him quite narcissist, in the way that he saw all those friends and the girl not as single individual people, but as extensions of himself.

[QUOTE=Techno Grub;52816960]I found him quite narcissist, in the way that he saw all those friends and the girl not as single individual people, but as extensions of himself.[/QUOTE] he digressed all up in that post. so many digresses, i didn't know where the digressing stopped and the main topic started. [editline]24th October 2017[/editline] but i digress ultimately, i don't think he's sociopathic or whatever. he's just a young kid who hasn't found himself yet and is a bit awkward with his emotions in the sense they come on very hard and fast and he hasn't learned the life skills to deal with them and smooth out the rough edges.

I think he got over attached and over analyzed things, or he's simply like that as a person, so he should indeed just chill out, and change his demeanor if that's not too much to ask. The gesture of giving a letter wasn't the problem to me, but the contents were. I can only imagine the guilt tripping. [editline]24th October 2017[/editline] Oh and you're right, he's probably in his late teens but who knows. And you broke my automerge.

[QUOTE=_Maverick_;52815662]So I just had some coffee with a really nice girl at a little café We had a good talk, we laughed it was nice And she was telling [I]me[/I] about how her mother was asking [I]her[/I] when she was going to have kids etc Would that raise any red flags with you?[/QUOTE] She could A) Be interested in knowing if you want to have kids some day (Potential partner or not) or B) Just making conversation I honestly don't see how in anyway it would be a red flag unless talking about marriage or children scares you in general

[QUOTE=_Maverick_;52815662]So I just had some coffee with a really nice girl at a little café We had a good talk, we laughed it was nice And she was telling [I]me[/I] about how her mother was asking [I]her[/I] when she was going to have kids etc Would that raise any red flags with you?[/QUOTE] How the fuck did you jump to such an assumption so quickly? I asked people I meet about whether or not they wanna have kids, it seems like a casual topic especially given people in their 20s?

[QUOTE=_Maverick_;52815662]So I just had some coffee with a really nice girl at a little café We had a good talk, we laughed it was nice And she was telling [I]me[/I] about how her mother was asking [I]her[/I] when she was going to have kids etc Would that raise any red flags with you?[/QUOTE] As nice as she probably is, is she is having kids for the soul purpose of her mother wanting her to have them then something is wrong, I am in no way saying that she is going to have them and is wanting to have them herself but you can't think that she is wanting them just because her mum wants her too.

you guys are all over thinking this, that was just small talk unless she said it with a crazed look in her eye and yelled I WANT YOUR SEED then you're fine, holy shit you guys

my older sis and my mum are always arguing with each other, cause my mum pulls the "when are you gonna settle down and have kids" chat and my sis doesn't wanna hear it. maverick didn't give us a whole lot to work with, but i'm guessing the girl's mum was probably on at her about it, and she was probably exasperated and just sharing it with maverick, like in a venting sort of way. also lol at you asking if this raises red flags, quit being such a baby. if she wants kids and you don't, it's not like you are gonna be forced to be with her. note your differences and move on if it's seriously that big a deal breaker. the fact you think talking about kids in a dating situation is a red flag is pretty bizarre, seeing as the entire purpose of dates is to get to know more about the person you're out with.

decided to do something about feeling distant from my friends and told a couple of my closest ones about me wanting to not be alive one was terrified and didnt know what to do, two were supportive and said that it didn't change how they saw me and they knew im getting help, and one said she understood completely and knew what i was going through. all in all went better than expected

Parents who persist and argue with their children about having/not having children are the worst. You're need to be a grandparent does not outweigh my anxiety about raising a small version of me nor pay for the immense amount of money it costs to raise that mini-me.

Yeah as much as I’d like to adopt a kid eventually, boy the monetary burden almost makes it seem not worth it. Why have a kid or take one on when you’re just gonna stress about money all the time? It’s honestly just not a good time in the world to try to have kids imo. Kudos to the people who manage it without wanting to just give up. I have a hard enough time devoting energy to my niece.

[QUOTE=Psych+;52819968]Parents who persist and argue with their children about having/not having children are the worst. You're need to be a grandparent does not outweigh my anxiety about raising a small version of me nor pay for the immense amount of money it costs to raise that mini-me.[/QUOTE] My parents are starting to get even worse about it now. Just a few days ago ([i]on my birthday[/i]) I was riding in the car with my mom and my brother, and I swear my mom says to me "At this point you should really try to marry a rich girl, otherwise you're probably going to be poor all your life." And they wonder why I never call.

[QUOTE=Loofiloo;52820073]My parents are starting to get even worse about it now. Just a few days ago ([i]on my birthday[/i]) I was riding in the car with my mom and my brother, and I swear my mom says to me "At this point you should really try to marry a rich girl, otherwise you're probably going to be poor all your life." And they wonder why I never call.[/QUOTE] I have lived with disapproving parents my whole life. The ones who'd always extend the goal posts with anything you did. I haven't spoken to my family in 5 years. Happiest I've ever been.

Do you guys have any advice for how to talk to people online? I'm trying to be more social, I tried using meetme.com but I couldn't bring myself to actually chat with anyone. I just can't shake that feeling of intimidation, if they were to ask me "who are you? why are you messaging me?" I wouldn't have an answer. I feel like I need an excuse to talk to people, to justify myself.

Try Omegle! I actually met a dude on there years ago who I keep up to date with.

I dated for the first time back in june, was with the girl for a month before she broke it off amicably enjoyed my time with her but at this point I feel like I don't even know what I like in a girl, personality-wise

Whenever co-workers talk about their wife/gf, I get a little thrown back. It's not that I'm aromantic or asexual as some friends have speculated, because I still have interests in girls still. But I just never really thought about it and would rather focus on my art, studies and well-being instead of chasing after girls on dates. Am I doomed to just live in isolation? The thought doesn't even scare me, I find peace in isolation, but the loneliness gets me depressed enough to get shit faced drunk

Just had a second date with a girl whose first message to me on Tinder was basically propositioning me for sex. She took me back to her place and proceeded to change into short lacy pajamas (which I will be thinking about for the next week and a half) and I still have not even kissed her. Please revoke my advice-giving abilities in this thread and our sister thread

okay but did you two bang

NOPE [editline]26th October 2017[/editline] Kill me and put me out of my self-made misery [editline]26th October 2017[/editline] I don't know why she still keeps me around after listening to me give awkward understated compliments and drunkenly ramble about Star Trek for 10 minutes straight (she even agreed with me about the movies??). Guess I haven't completely fucked up yet

just bang her this weekend and dont get drunk first

I work nights this weekend. It's tragic

bang her during the day then

i've come to a horrible realisation. most guys have penis envy, right? yea, well i don't (i'm not saying i have a big dick or anything, i'm just saying dick size hasn't ever [I]really[/I] bothered me, but my dick is pretty ok, i'm glad you asked). i get mad beard envy though. like incredibly bad envy. from 15 years old onwards, i sorta fantasized about the day i'd have my very own™ lumberjack beard. then i turned 18, still no beard, but no sweat, i'm a late bloomer or some shit, right? then 20, still no beard, starting to think my testicles are borked, panicking over the thought of me having low test or something, but this train of thought doesn't hold any water cause if jackrabbits could jerk it, i'd be a jackrabbit, and afaik having low test means you have next to no libido. now i'm 25, and the most i can grow is some lame goatee and moustache, and even that isn't thick and voluminous. it's just kinda wiry. and i feel like i went through the 7 stages of grief and have finally accepted the fact i'll never be the type of guy that can grow a thick beard. feels bad, real bad. so now i just rock a buzzed moustache / goatee look, cause i don't wanna pain people by making them put up with my attempts at growing a faux beard that just looks scraggly and awful, but i can't go clean shaven cause this is like my last little fuck you to genetics and my poor attempt at trying to sooth my ego. i can sorta live with that, but damn does the fact still not tear me up. i get about 6 lil whiskeys on each cheek, and the rest is baby ass smooth. doesn't help my ego when my sisters and parents constantly tell me i can grow a beard, but i just don't leave it long enough. finally settled that score by not shaving for a couple months and showing them how awful it looked - it wasn't terrible but it wasn't a good look. doesn't make sense, cause my sack, crack and back are pretty hairy. any other guys here get these dumb thoughts or am i just on a weird caffeine rant right now. i'm posting this here cause i need people to validate me and this is the super friendly thread so, please, brush away at my ego.

She has a normal 9-5 job :( I made a comment about how next time I would come prepared with an overnight bag and she said she'd hold me to that. So maybe next time I won't wuss out

[QUOTE=loopoo;52822369]i've come to a horrible realisation. most guys have penis envy, right? yea, well i don't (i'm not saying i have a big dick or anything, i'm just saying dick size hasn't ever [I]really[/I] bothered me, but my dick is pretty ok, i'm glad you asked). i get mad beard envy though. like incredibly bad envy. from 15 years old onwards, i sorta fantasized about the day i'd have my very own™ lumberjack beard. then i turned 18, still no beard, but no sweat, i'm a late bloomer or some shit, right? then 20, still no beard, starting to think my testicles are borked, panicking over the thought of me having low test or something, but this train of thought doesn't hold any water cause if jackrabbits could jerk it, i'd be a jackrabbit, and afaik having low test means you have next to no libido. now i'm 25, and the most i can grow is some lame goatee and moustache, and even that isn't thick and voluminous. it's just kinda wiry. and i feel like i went through the 7 stages of grief and have finally accepted the fact i'll never be the type of guy that can grow a thick beard. feels bad, real bad. so now i just rock a buzzed moustache / goatee look, cause i don't wanna pain people by making them put up with my attempts at growing a faux beard that just looks scraggly and awful, but i can't go clean shaven cause this is like my last little fuck you to genetics and my poor attempt at trying to sooth my ego. i can sorta live with that, but damn does the fact still not tear me up. i get about 6 lil whiskeys on each cheek, and the rest is baby ass smooth. doesn't help my ego when my sisters and parents constantly tell me i can grow a beard, but i just don't leave it long enough. finally settled that score by not shaving for a couple months and showing them how awful it looked - it wasn't terrible but it wasn't a good look. doesn't make sense, cause my sack, crack and back are pretty hairy. any other guys here get these dumb thoughts or am i just on a weird caffeine rant right now. i'm posting this here cause i need people to validate me and this is the super friendly thread so, please, brush away at my ego.[/QUOTE] Well lad, frankly, getting a beard is partly about genetics. If your papa don't have a beard, and his father didn't either, then there's a good chance you won't either. It's the opposite for me. I could completely shave my beard and it'd be back in about two weeks time.

my father, and his father, and his father's father, they all have generic middle eastern beards. ie, bushy as fuck. has my bloodline been weakened by the interracial marriage between him and my european mum? my mum jokes and says it's not her genetics, cause she can grow a beard, but I need something to pin this on, and she's the easiest target. visiting the middle east is an ordeal, all my extended family tsk and ask why I shave, and I haven't got the guts to tell them I'm an impure infidel that brings dishonor to the family due to the fact I can't grow facial hair.