Super Friendly Social and Love Advice v8 - Stop spamming her with texts. - General

[QUOTE=_Maverick_;52834122]Suggestions for things to do for a date We only met one but she wants to meet again but I don't know what to suggest we do. I'm suggesting cinema which I think is fine(?) We are not the "Go out get hammered in a nightclub" type.[/QUOTE] I think the cinema is fine if you have already met once before. Otherwise you could invite her over and cook dinner together? Then you can just transition into watching a movie.

[QUOTE=maeZtro;52834216]I think the cinema is fine if you have already met once before. Otherwise you could invite her over and cook dinner together? Then you can just transition into watching a movie.[/QUOTE] She lives with parents, and I live with(and look after) my grandparents which makes your (good) suggestion a bit difficult.

maybe i'm a bit of a prude, or maybe it's just me, but inviting a girl back to your place after meeting her once seems a tad forward. especially since this is a dating scenario and not one night stand territory. i'd just feel weird planning a date round my place so soon after meeting a person.

I'm not a fan of going to the movies on dates unless you already really know a person. Movies don't really let you talk to each other. I like going bowling, personally. It's fun.

[QUOTE=Pascall;52834270]I'm not a fan of going to the movies on dates unless you already really know a person. Movies don't really let you talk to each other. I like going bowling, personally. It's fun.[/QUOTE] i think the idea is that if you go see a movie, you have a shared experience and something to talk about after, in addition to it being a fun activity

[QUOTE=Bathtub;52834767]i think the idea is that if you go see a movie, you have a shared experience and something to talk about after, in addition to it being a fun activity[/QUOTE] Doesn't really work that way a lot of the time though - you can't talk for two hours about a two hour movie, so it's really just wasting way too much time just to ask the question "so what kind of movies do you like?". Not like it's gonna ruin your chances, though, just not really ideal.

How do you guys get around the friends cooking like shit but you are nice so you passively agressive compliment them Its even worse because you eat their dish once and then eat other dishes It makes me feel worse than hitler

[QUOTE=Ignhelper;52835092]How do you guys get around the friends cooking like shit but you are nice so you passively agressive compliment them Its even worse because you eat their dish once and then eat other dishes It makes me feel worse than hitler[/QUOTE] You feel so bad about their cooking, you would lie to them? I think it's more than a white lie to be honest, because if you want your friends to improve you would tell them it doesn't taste good. Unless you're covering for something else. Check all your bases, you might find something about why you would do something like this. For example, you are afraid to hurt/be hurt, or they are prideful and/or passionate of their cooking you wouldn't dare insult them (which is not insulting them if you are just saying how you feel). Or just follow the Golden Rule. EDIT: I feel weird giving advice when I haven't even said hello in this thread and that I lack high post count.

So I asked a girl if she wanted to go get coffee some time. She said that she's busy this week but we can try to find a time. But I just can't help but feel like she's just letting me down easy and if she is I would rather she just says no and be done with it. Like, that's only happened to me once where I asked a girl to do something with me and she said yes but never showed up. Like I don't really have a reason to believe she's letting me down easy, it's just a thought that's always in the back of my mind when I do something like this and I wish I could stop thinking it. And of course, stupid me didn't ask for her phone number so we could talk about it in the four days between seeing each other in person because I hate texting. So I don't even know if I should ask her about coffee again next time I see her in person. Because chances are she forgot I even asked anyway.

[QUOTE=Taepodong-2;52835921]So I asked a girl if she wanted to go get coffee some time. She said that she's busy this week but we can try to find a time. But I just can't help but feel like she's just letting me down easy and if she is I would rather she just says no and be done with it. Like, that's only happened to me once where I asked a girl to do something with me and she said yes but never showed up. Like I don't really have a reason to believe she's letting me down easy, it's just a thought that's always in the back of my mind when I do something like this and I wish I could stop thinking it. And of course, stupid me didn't ask for her phone number so we could talk about it in the four days between seeing each other in person because I hate texting. So I don't even know if I should ask her about coffee again next time I see her in person. Because chances are she forgot I even asked anyway.[/QUOTE] Is this the same person you asked out, and they didn't show up, but also had absolutely no way of contacting you? You really need to make an effort before going on a date to obtain SOME form of 21st-century communication with the person. Maybe even a 20th-century form of communication, like a telephone number.

with how badly he handled the first time, hell, i'd settle for him using smoke signals or carrier pigeon. give the poor girl some way of contacting you.

[QUOTE=Loofiloo;52835995]Is this the same person you asked out, and they didn't show up, but also had absolutely no way of contacting you? You really need to make an effort before going on a date to obtain SOME form of 21st-century communication with the person. Maybe even a 20th-century form of communication, like a telephone number.[/QUOTE] No, this is a different person. The one who didn't show up when I asked her out I haven't talked to her in a few weeks. This is a girl from one of my classes who started talking to me a couple weeks ago and I just so happened to have had a bit of a crush on her for a couple months. I guess I'll have to ask her about it next time I see her and get a phone number then. It can't hurt I guess. I just hate texting so fucking much which is why it didn't cross my mind at the time.

[QUOTE=Taepodong-2;52836121]No, this is a different person. The one who didn't show up when I asked her out I haven't talked to her in a few weeks. This is a girl from one of my classes who started talking to me a couple weeks ago and I just so happened to have had a bit of a crush on her for a couple months. I guess I'll have to ask her about it next time I see her and get a phone number then. It can't hurt I guess. I just hate texting so fucking much which is why it didn't cross my mind at the time.[/QUOTE] You are going to have a hard time dating if you don't text my dude. Why do you hate it?

[QUOTE=killerteacup;52836344]You are going to have a hard time dating if you don't text my dude. Why do you hate it?[/QUOTE] I find keeping up a text based conversation to be super exhausting. Like you have to put in way more effort than just talking to them in person. I also tend to respond to texts relatively quickly but it feels like it takes other people an eternity to reply to me. Times I've texted girls in the past I've always just been waiting for a response and if it took more than 5 minutes I always started to worry she doesn't like me and isn't going to respond. And finally there's the bullshit where you can't text back too quickly or you'll come across as desperate or some shit. And of course I just hate typing on a touch screen as well. All of these same reasons are also why I don't use Tinder and dating sites as well.

[QUOTE=Kabstrac;52836945]Idk I've always just texted back as soon as I had an opportunity. Be it one minute after receiving or 4 hours. Girls actually appreciated my quick responses[/QUOTE] for me, they say it's a bit ridiculous and sad, like I have no life outside of waiting for their reply meanwhile I honestly do care about the conversation and try not to interrupt it

[QUOTE=Pascall;52834270]I'm not a fan of going to the movies on dates unless you already really know a person. Movies don't really let you talk to each other. I like going bowling, personally. It's fun.[/QUOTE] What if you go bowling and she is really competitive, you drop her off and she whips out her own bowling shoes and ball, next thing you know she's getting turkeys and not the good kind and you're sat that asking to be spared but she strikes again then all night afterwards she is calling you Gutterball Garry. I'd rather see a movie.

[QUOTE=Kabstrac;52837443]Must be different cultures, cause every girl I've dated has wanted texts returned ASAP from the get go[/QUOTE] Yeah that's how it seemed to me. I mean, for years, even before texting, I used to hear people give the advice "Don't call her back right away, you don't want to look desperate" and now it's the same thing with texting people back. I still kinda think that rule's bullshit, because if someone wants to talk to you, they'll want to talk to you right away. If I had a friend, let alone somebody I want to date, and they take hours or days to text me back [i]every time[/i], I'm going to talk to that person less because I'm going to assume they either lack the time or interest to get back to me, so I shouldn't invest my own time in them. I don't think I could enter into a relationship with someone if they constantly forget to text back, and don't address it as a problem.

Attraction, bonding and love are very interesting and its crazy how by influence of a select few chemicals in your brain, they can completely change the way you think and feel, not only in general, but around that person. It beats any sort of drug imo, and ive done many. The attraction i have for this person is turning into something much more and its got my mind going on overdrive with so many thoughts, and i know that they are interested in me too. Ive just never met a person who cares so much and it feels good anyway, sorry for being corny :v:

[QUOTE=sourcegamer101;52839109]Attraction, bonding and love are very interesting and its crazy how by influence of a select few chemicals in your brain, they can completely change the way you think and feel, not only in general, but around that person. It beats any sort of drug imo, and ive done many. The attraction i have for this person is turning into something much more and its got my mind going on overdrive with so many thoughts, and i know that they are interested in me too. Ive just never met a person who cares so much and it feels good anyway, sorry for being corny :v:[/QUOTE] Enjoy the high while it lasts. The withdrawal is something fierce.

[QUOTE=Kabstrac;52837528]Yeah, I feel like those "rules" are just one of those fabricated things in dating culture. If two people dig each other, they will want to talk. I think it kind of stems from the old idea of having to swoon the other person, rather than just two people having a natural attraction. I mean yeah, if you respond within seconds of receiving a text every time, all the time, that might be a bit excessive especially during working/school hours. But if you are texting and not doing much, nothing is wrong with a quick response.[/QUOTE] The second I stopped giving a shit about "dating rules" is the second I started getting success. Just be you, but still uh, don't be like those text-spamming "Wanna be my girlfriiiiiend?" -guys. :v:

My house mate has his kids and wife/gf over and 4 of them went out to streets for candy for haloween, and now they are all sitting down stairs in living room answering door to trick or treaters.. I honestly dont think I've ever felt so depressed/sad, it's so great having kids and wife/gf to celebrate events together, if I feel so sad on haloween - I can't imagine what will happen on christmas. I feel like booking ticket some random fucking direction and just going away for few days on christmas, I don't want to stay home and hang around fridge while house mate celebrates with his family, it just feels weird so I might get out somewhere or go to bar in worst case. Last christmas - I was on a date, the christmas before that - I was snowboarding in french Alps, perhaps it's time to go back?

Alright, got her phone number today. Is there a certain amount of time you're supposed to wait before texting them or is there no hard and fast rule as long as you don't text them immediately? A girl I was friends with a couple years back told me that you should try to text them within 24 hours of getting their number, is that usually a good rule to follow? She has my number as well so she could very well text me first at some point, but she's probably expecting me to text first because it's usually the guy's role to do that. In general though I'm going to try not to give a shit about the texting "rules" with this girl beyond not spamming her. I feel like trying to follow the "rules" in the past made me appear not confident and almost scared to respond to them.

text her a few hours later, like you have some stuff to do and then texted her once you were free IMO

MAN i had a royal fuck up last night, pretty sure i just messed up a really good friendship. Have a friend who me and her were binge watching stranger things together and handing out candy at her house last night, she has a boyfriend but we're still close friends so we were cuddled up and long story short we hooked up. Shes only been seeing this guy for a month but she really likes him so we both feel kinda guilty and shes going to tell him today and pretty sure it fucked our friendship up even though we have slept together before. Simply because now she has a boyfriend and we both weren't single this time.

[QUOTE=piggycan99;52845207]MAN i had a royal fuck up last night, pretty sure i just messed up a really good friendship. Have a friend who me and her were binge watching stranger things together and handing out candy at her house last night, she has a boyfriend but we're still close friends so we were cuddled up and long story short we hooked up. Shes only been seeing this guy for a month but she really likes him so we both feel kinda guilty and shes going to tell him today and pretty sure it fucked our friendship up even though we have slept together before. Simply because now she has a boyfriend and we both weren't single this time.[/QUOTE] wait so you're not single either? So are you going to tell your girlfriend?

[QUOTE=killerteacup;52845645]wait so you're not single either? So are you going to tell your girlfriend?[/QUOTE] Sorry i worded that horribly, i am single she is not.

[QUOTE=piggycan99;52845207]MAN i had a royal fuck up last night, pretty sure i just messed up a really good friendship. Have a friend who me and her were binge watching stranger things together and handing out candy at her house last night, she has a boyfriend but we're still close friends so we were cuddled up and long story short we hooked up. Shes only been seeing this guy for a month but she really likes him so we both feel kinda guilty and shes going to tell him today and pretty sure it fucked our friendship up even though we have slept together before. Simply because now she has a boyfriend and we both weren't single this time.[/QUOTE] i mean yeah you fucked up the friendship but you and her also fucked up a relationship. you did a shitty thing for a whole bunch of reasons, i hope you realize this. good relationships dont start with one participant cheating on their SO with the other.

[QUOTE=piggycan99;52845207]MAN i had a royal fuck up last night, pretty sure i just messed up a really good friendship. Have a friend who me and her were binge watching stranger things together and handing out candy at her house last night, she has a boyfriend but we're still close friends so we were cuddled up and long story short we hooked up. Shes only been seeing this guy for a month but she really likes him so we both feel kinda guilty and shes going to tell him today and pretty sure it fucked our friendship up even though we have slept together before. Simply because now she has a boyfriend and we both weren't single this time.[/QUOTE] Hope you learn from this dear.

if you can't hang out one on one with a person without fucking them then you probably shouldn't hang out with them

[QUOTE=Taepodong-2;52841399]Alright, got her phone number today. Is there a certain amount of time you're supposed to wait before texting them or is there no hard and fast rule as long as you don't text them immediately? A girl I was friends with a couple years back told me that you should try to text them within 24 hours of getting their number, is that usually a good rule to follow? She has my number as well so she could very well text me first at some point, but she's probably expecting me to text first because it's usually the guy's role to do that. In general though I'm going to try not to give a shit about the texting "rules" with this girl beyond not spamming her. I feel like trying to follow the "rules" in the past made me appear not confident and almost scared to respond to them.[/QUOTE] The only rule is to not be creepy, text when you feel like it.