Super Friendly Social and Love Advice v8 - Stop spamming her with texts. - General

What do you do when you want to experience love so immensely much... but you know finding love really isn't really a possibility? I've always been cycling that thought through my mind, usually ending with some unwanted depressing feelings right afterwards. It just ends up feeling a bit impossible. Not entirely, but just enough where it hurts. What did you guys do to counter this? Just tired of having an extreme amount of more time put into video games than actual human relationships. It really is a sad thing.

[QUOTE=Live2becool;52846843]What do you do when you want to experience love so immensely much... but you know finding love really isn't really a possibility? I've always been cycling that thought through my mind, usually ending with some unwanted depressing feelings right afterwards. It just ends up feeling a bit impossible. Not entirely, but just enough where it hurts. What did you guys do to counter this? Just tired of having an extreme amount of more time put into video games than actual human relationships. It really is a sad thing.[/QUOTE] Why would it be impossible? You'd be surprised how much control you have over your life. You just have to try and persevere.

[QUOTE=Wealth + Taste;52846846]Why would it be impossible? You'd be surprised how much control you have over your life. You just have to try and persevere.[/QUOTE] I just never know if I could truly love the person I'm considering asking out. The ones I did truly know I would love (Attracted not only sexually, but to their personality.) have been in their own relationships so far, so I always just drop the thought altogether. I guess, I just never give anyone a real chance because I fear I won't love them, and will hurt them because of it. it's very rare when I don't feel that way. I'm not sure if it's anxiety or depression getting in the way. It's all really silly.

How would you guys go about flirting with/asking a girl out if she's way out of your league? Usually I ended up dating girls who were in a mutual friend group, so we had mutual friends we'd hang around with and ended up liking each other that way, but this girl I'm interested in is not in any of my friend groups, and she's really damn attractive. I don't consider myself ugly, but she's way above me in terms of looks. We also don't have that much in common except we like drinking, but I'd rather not have that be how we end up hanging out all the time.

League shmeague, ask her out anyway. Don't let it intimidate you.

[QUOTE=huntingrifle;52847161]How would you guys go about flirting with/asking a girl out if she's way out of your league? Usually I ended up dating girls who were in a mutual friend group, so we had mutual friends we'd hang around with and ended up liking each other that way, but this girl I'm interested in is not in any of my friend groups, and she's really damn attractive. I don't consider myself ugly, but she's way above me in terms of looks. We also don't have that much in common except we like drinking, but I'd rather not have that be how we end up hanging out all the time.[/QUOTE] I mean, the worst case scenario here is that she says, "no thanks." Don't worry about "league." If you're attracted to her, just ask her out. She may feel the same way. If she doesn't, then at least you'll definitively know and be able to move on to other possibilities. Also, not having all the same interests/hobbies doesn't necessarily mean you won't be socially compatible. There may be some common ground and shared passions that you haven't discovered yet. For the passions that you don't share, some diversification of interests is healthy. You don't want to abandon your individuality in a relationship. My wife still has things that she loves that her all her own, and vice versa.

Well that girl I asked for her number on tuesday didn't text me back. Hopefully she's not ignoring me on purpose because if she is it's going to be awkward as fuck when we have class together later today. [editline]2nd November 2017[/editline] Actually how should I deal with this in general? Just talk to her as I normally would and not bring it up unless she does?

[QUOTE=Taepodong-2;52847547]Well that girl I asked for her number on tuesday didn't text me back. Hopefully she's not ignoring me on purpose because if she is it's going to be awkward as fuck when we have class together later today. [editline]2nd November 2017[/editline] Actually how should I deal with this in general? Just talk to her as I normally would and not bring it up unless she does?[/QUOTE] yeap if you ignore her its even gonna be more awkward until you have to talk to her for project work or some shit

I feel conflicted about my crush. She’s super cute and smart with a dash of nerdiness and we’re friends. However, im pretty sure a mutual friend of ours (who is my lab partner) is also into her, and sometimes i feel like she may kinda be into him, but another part of me just says thats my own feelings talking. I’m not really sure what to do to be honest.

One of my best friends (girl) just texted me saying that her boyfriend of three years (also a friend of mine) just told her he wasn't sure if he was in love with her anymore. She's freaking out and inconsolable, as soon as she told me I told her to come see me so I could try to help but she's left town and is driving to the nearest city and I have no idea what to do. I'm scared she's gonna try to do something rash. How can I help her?

[QUOTE=Wealth + Taste;52847834]One of my best friends (girl) just texted me saying that her boyfriend of three years (also a friend of mine) just told her he wasn't sure if he was in love with her anymore. She's freaking out and inconsolable, as soon as she told me I told her to come see me so I could try to help but she's left town and is driving to the nearest city and I have no idea what to do. I'm scared she's gonna try to do something rash. How can I help her?[/QUOTE] Unfortunately if people don't want to be found, they can make it pretty fucking hard to track down. All you can do is get in touch with her and tell her that you want to know where she is and go, that way you can keep her safe. If she doesn't want to talk to people though, she simply won't. Do you think she is capable of doing something out of anger?

help, I am infatuated with the prettiest girl I've ever met (we only share one university course in common though) and she has a boyfriend (ugly one at that) can't go for other fish in the sea: the 4 girls in my faculty I'm not attracted to, but neither am I attracted to the other ones in her faculty. and I do not know any girls outside, apart from my ex and my best friend, which arent options

She has a boyfriend, you just have to try to distance yourself from her, you can't try to steal her that will only push her away. It's a shit situation but it happens to everyone.

[QUOTE=SebiWarrior;52847953]can't go for other fish in the sea[/QUOTE] What? You can literally always go for other fish in the sea. If you arbitrarily limit your 'options' to just the prettiest girl you know who is already dating someone, you're only set up to cause distress for everyone involved. Don't do that. Acknowledge that she isn't looking for someone and try to talk to other people.

well sure, I'm not going the "soccer has a goalkeeper, doesnt mean you can't score" approach its just that my faculty is made up of 90 people, 4 of which are girls, and they're good fun and nice, but not someone I'd pursue romantically. not that I complain, its just that given that my main group of friends is only males and we tend to stay together (and so does everybody else) you dont really get to talk to other people

Join other activities or sports to expand your social circle?

[QUOTE=Ignhelper;52848041]Join other activities or sports to expand your social circle?[/QUOTE] I don't believe doing something for some other purpose is really productive If I joined a sport I wasn't interested in just to find a girl, I would quit a week later if I had other activities or sports in my life I'd be doing them already, but truth be told, all my activities have either me alone or is mainly a male thing (and in Italy it seems, mainly = only)

If your issue is getting her out of your head, or that you don't know a lot of potential relationship partners, then either can be solved by meeting new people, which is always possible if you have at least some free time in your life. Your language made it seem like you were resigned to try to 'make it work' with what was in front of you. That's what I would strongly object to. "Can't go for other fish in the sea" is a really limiting and possibly harmful mindset to have.

I know I pop here often since I can't put it in words so well but the other day someone put it perfectly. I keep getting uncle-zoned. Im always seen as that odd, quirky guy whos great to be around but that no one ever sees in getting into a relationship. This has been happening for years now, and no matter what I do, I always get shoved into this box.

[QUOTE=GoDong-DK;52834834]Doesn't really work that way a lot of the time though - you can't talk for two hours about a two hour movie, so it's really just wasting way too much time just to ask the question "so what kind of movies do you like?". Not like it's gonna ruin your chances, though, just not really ideal.[/QUOTE] Movies can work really great. I have one really good experience. It was our 2nd date, we got super high by smoking a joint (first joint we ever smoked) and we went to see motherfucking John Wick 2 and she was OK with it because I said I wanna see it. We talked and laughed quite a bit during the movie, we didn't care about the people around us and it was PACKED full, we just had a good time and even I didn't focus on the movie 100% which I wanted to see. Our heads got really close together so that we bumped heads a few times, and I felt her hair many times, it was super nice and probably the 2nd best movie night I've ever had with a girl. And I've only seen 2 movies with 2 different girls. Later on a different occasion when we talked about the movie night, she admitted that she hoped that I kissed her during the movies at one point when our noses almost touched, but I only kissed her [I]after[/I] the movies when I walked her to a station and bid her goodnight. I felt the same way too. It can work out really great if you both are somewhat easy going, and like to talk during movies which, I know, is not really ideal nor polite to other movie goers in the theater, but it's your date so fuck the world around you. We didn't disturb the silence/peace too much anyway, I'm sure we didn't bother anyone.

[QUOTE=da space core;52848072]I know I pop here often since I can't put it in words so well but the other day someone put it perfectly. I keep getting uncle-zoned. Im always seen as that odd, quirky guy whos great to be around but that no one ever sees in getting into a relationship. This has been happening for years now, and no matter what I do, I always get shoved into this box.[/QUOTE] Welcome to my world, where anybody I am [I]truly[/I] friends with (and not just friendly on occasion) seems to truly enjoy my company, yet apparently nobody ever considers me as a romantic interest

Okay, I thought I would post here to talk generally about how I approach things. Who knows? I may be able to get some opinions, dissenting or otherwise, that are helpful. I have never been a socialite and I would actually consider myself pretty introverted. Introversion has always suited me fine, but it does make relationships pretty difficult to find. I suppose one of the problems is that I am neither attractive nor unattractive, neither dumb nor smart and am probably not terribly distinctive in general. I have always been quite good at writing piano music (instrumental or songs) but despite the movie cliches, that doesn't appear to be something I can bank on. I tend to be far too concerned about appearing creepy to even register my feelings for girls, leading to a few missed opportunities that I have kicked myself for later upon discovering from the girl in question that I dun goofed. I am pretty sure that I have mild Asperger's Syndrome and, to be honest, may be a little asexual too (in that I am not massively bothered about sex compared to my peers, although I have done it and enjoyed it on occasion.) My biggest problem is that I find intelligence really, REALLY attractive, but dating sites heavily prioritise more shallow qualities, making it difficult to discern between the amorphous blob of soylent green after a while. As I said, I am not clever myself, but I suppose this is just a personal preference for which I am screwed. I just thought I would post here to see if anybody else with such a narrowing range of criteria has had luck through any method in particular. Thanks in advance, fellow Facepunchians!

friendship box and relationship box are generally completely different

[QUOTE=LordCrypto;52848319]friendship box and relationship box are generally completely different[/QUOTE] I totally get where you are coming from on this, but the only girl I have ever loved was both my best friend AND partner. I don't really see how I could fall in love with somebody unless both boxes are ticked. :)

[QUOTE=RenegadeCop;52848109]Are you making your intentions clear? Also, didn't mean to rate.[/QUOTE] To be honest, I rather know someone a bit before considering anything romantic, I dont really "fall" for anyone just like that. Of course, the problem with this is that people just then of course assume I want friendship. At this point its clear that I have to be more direct from the get go, but after hanging around my female friends for a while, I also barred witness to the few attempts guys made to hit on them and so forth, and it just looked so degrading and insulting that I never want to look like that either. I suppose I never had a good example of what asking someone out would look like, particularly with strangers. [QUOTE=RenegadeCop;52848182]Remember that friendship doesn't entitle you to a romantic relationship.[/QUOTE] Of course not. I enjoy my friendships for what they are, be they with male or female, because it lets me know some really cool people. its just at this point, I feel stable and capable enough that I yearn some some deeper relationship and connection with others, something I never was able to get

[QUOTE=SebiWarrior;52848052]I don't believe doing something for some other purpose is really productive If I joined a sport I wasn't interested in just to find a girl, I would quit a week later if I had other activities or sports in my life I'd be doing them already, but truth be told, all my activities have either me alone or is mainly a male thing (and in Italy it seems, mainly = only)[/QUOTE] lmao good luck

[QUOTE=SebiWarrior;52848015]well sure, I'm not going the "soccer has a goalkeeper, doesnt mean you can't score" approach its just that my faculty is made up of 90 people, 4 of which are girls, and they're good fun and nice, but not someone I'd pursue romantically. not that I complain, its just that given that my main group of friends is only males and we tend to stay together (and so does everybody else) you dont really get to talk to other people[/QUOTE] then talk to other people who aren't in your department it's pretty simple

[QUOTE=Clive;52847928]Unfortunately if people don't want to be found, they can make it pretty fucking hard to track down. All you can do is get in touch with her and tell her that you want to know where she is and go, that way you can keep her safe. If she doesn't want to talk to people though, she simply won't. Do you think she is capable of doing something out of anger?[/QUOTE] Thankfully she's calmed down a bit and came back to town, I'm gonna try to see her and console her tonight. They're not broken up yet and I haven't talked to the boyfriend yet (we're not on the best terms rn) but to me it seems decently likely. They were a great couple, too. We've been texting and she's saying shit like she's never gonna date again and how shitty she feels, is there anything in specific I can say to her to help? Anyone else who's been In a similar situation, what helped you get through this?

[QUOTE=Wealth + Taste;52848617]Thankfully she's calmed down a bit and came back to town, I'm gonna try to see her and console her tonight. They're not broken up yet and I haven't talked to the boyfriend yet (we're not on the best terms rn) but to me it seems decently likely. They were a great couple, too. We've been texting and she's saying shit like she's never gonna date again and how shitty she feels, is there anything in specific I can say to her to help? Anyone else who's been In a similar situation, what helped you get through this?[/QUOTE] Hear her pov, and try to address her concerns as a friend by advising her. She need to talk with her bf about the issue and not keep mum about it. Commuication seems like the problem in this case, a nice comfy environment can make it easier to talk over. Hang out with her in person maybe over coffee or something chill. [editline]3rd November 2017[/editline] [QUOTE=SebiWarrior;52848052]I don't believe doing something for some other purpose is really productive If I joined a sport I wasn't interested in just to find a girl, I would quit a week later if I had other activities or sports in my life I'd be doing them already, but truth be told, all my activities have either me alone or is mainly a male thing (and in Italy it seems, mainly = only)[/QUOTE] Nobody can help you if you don't help yourself. Alienating yourself from other opportunities isn't going to help, its something you gotta push yourself into if your social circle is too small.

[QUOTE=Wealth + Taste;52848617]Thankfully she's calmed down a bit and came back to town, I'm gonna try to see her and console her tonight. They're not broken up yet and I haven't talked to the boyfriend yet (we're not on the best terms rn) but to me it seems decently likely. They were a great couple, too. We've been texting and she's saying shit like she's never gonna date again and how shitty she feels, is there anything in specific I can say to her to help? Anyone else who's been In a similar situation, what helped you get through this?[/QUOTE] It's a pretty shitty thing to go through for her, but with time and supportive friends like yourself, it should improve fairly quickly.