Super Friendly Social and Love Advice v8 - Stop spamming her with texts. - General

I know this might sound a little aggressive here, but jeez, a number of you over analyze on women, just because they are your crush and they said hi back to you doesn't mean they be falling for you The last thing you could do is freak out

[QUOTE=Ignhelper;52852178]I know this might sound a little aggressive here, but jeez, a number of you over analyze on women, just because they are your crush and they said hi back to you doesn't mean they be falling for you The last thing you could do is freak out[/QUOTE] This is true. I used to be quite bad 10 years ago but it does seem to be that as we get older, it is much easier to just approach things realistically, and without some preconceived notion of relationships being 100% perfect all the time, when that is very far from the truth. So yeah, I think it is probably just that a lot of the people here are young and/or socially awkward, but if you are one of those people, you will likely grow out of it soon enough. I am far from good at relationships but my level of caring is much healthier than it used to be. I used to fret about small details like some posts here do, although even I was never as clingy as some people... Christ.

[QUOTE=Dan The Man;52852330]This is true. I used to be quite bad 10 years ago but it does seem to be that as we get older, it is much easier to just approach things realistically, and without some preconceived notion of relationships being 100% perfect all the time, when that is very far from the truth. So yeah, I think it is probably just that a lot of the people here are young and/or socially awkward, but if you are one of those people, you will likely grow out of it soon enough. I am far from good at relationships but my level of caring is much healthier than it used to be. I used to fret about small details like some posts here do, although even I was never as clingy as some people... Christ.[/QUOTE] Of course, with time and experience it gets better, but it doesn't help to have this unhealthy/unrealistic percecption of getting into a relationship. And on that note, its tough but before you can go for a person that's a 10, make sure you are at least close, I know we easily get trapped into a unrealistic idea of love thanks to tv and movies, but if you aren't even close don't think about trying that person that's a 10, improve yourself first before diving straight in.

Whats the best course of action if i start noticing the small red flags in someone? Im questioning if i can truly trust my feelings in their hands and if theyre communicating theirs to me, let alone trust my own intuition. Ahhh the old gut feeling. The last time i let my guard down i had to end a friendship cause of the complete emotional manipulation, and i just cant stop worrying if it will happen again. Im not fucking stupid either, Im very good at reading people and can pick up on subtle shit

IT'S FINALLY OVER After a year of torment and failed exams I got my effin' license!!

[QUOTE=sourcegamer101;52854531]Whats the best course of action if i start noticing the small red flags in someone? Im questioning if i can truly trust my feelings in their hands and if theyre communicating theirs to me, let alone trust my own intuition. Ahhh the old gut feeling. The last time i let my guard down i had to end a friendship cause of the complete emotional manipulation, and i just cant stop worrying if it will happen again. Im not fucking stupid either, Im very good at reading people and can pick up on subtle shit[/QUOTE] Could you be more specific about the red flags? It is difficult to advise without knowing a little bit more

[QUOTE=sourcegamer101;52854531]Whats the best course of action if i start noticing the small red flags in someone? Im questioning if i can truly trust my feelings in their hands and if theyre communicating theirs to me, let alone trust my own intuition. Ahhh the old gut feeling. The last time i let my guard down i had to end a friendship cause of the complete emotional manipulation, and i just cant stop worrying if it will happen again. Im not fucking stupid either, Im very good at reading people and can pick up on subtle shit[/QUOTE] Communicate that concern. It's a waste of time to be passive about it, ya know? I would acknowledge the gut feeling but don't fall completely into it because it could just be nerves. But yeah, what exactly are the red flags?

yo so i did something really out of character for me and actually talked to a girl I've had my eye on for a while. never done anything like that in my life so it felt pretty awesome after it went so well. didn't get any digits though. I think that's the next step. was wondering though if instead of asking for hers I should ask if she wants mine? I think that would be less threatening because then she doesn't have to decide if she wants to have her number in some random dudes phone on the spot I guess. then she can think over if she wants to text or whatever. I have almost no experience with this stuff though so was wondering if anyone has any suggestions. Also this is on a bus, if knowing the setting helps.

[QUOTE=SickBow;52857008]yo so i did something really out of character for me and actually talked to a girl I've had my eye on for a while. never done anything like that in my life so it felt pretty awesome after it went so well. didn't get any digits though. I think that's the next step. was wondering though if instead of asking for hers I should ask if she wants mine? I think that would be less threatening because then she doesn't have to decide if she wants to have her number in some random dudes phone on the spot I guess. then she can think over if she wants to text or whatever. I have almost no experience with this stuff though so was wondering if anyone has any suggestions. Also this is on a bus, if knowing the setting helps.[/QUOTE] Didn't get any digits? You didn't ask her for a finger up your arse, did you? Well done, mate. The trick is not to care TOO much when asking a girl out.

[QUOTE=gustavholst;52856293]Communicate that concern. It's a waste of time to be passive about it, ya know? I would acknowledge the gut feeling but don't fall completely into it because it could just be nerves. But yeah, what exactly are the red flags?[/QUOTE] Words not syncing up with actions (sometimes), hectic life, issues with family, very interesting and shady past. Mind you there is a 12 year age gap (me being the younger one) so there is different perspectives and experience as factors. I do plan to communicate with them about it, but these are things that just popped into my mind Or maybe im overthinking like i always do when alone, coupled with past emotional scars and apparant trust issues, driving myself crazy as a result, but idk

[QUOTE=SickBow;52857008]yo so i did something really out of character for me and actually talked to a girl I've had my eye on for a while. never done anything like that in my life so it felt pretty awesome after it went so well. didn't get any digits though. I think that's the next step. was wondering though if instead of asking for hers I should ask if she wants mine? I think that would be less threatening because then she doesn't have to decide if she wants to have her number in some random dudes phone on the spot I guess. then she can think over if she wants to text or whatever. I have almost no experience with this stuff though so was wondering if anyone has any suggestions. Also this is on a bus, if knowing the setting helps.[/QUOTE] I learned a couple things about navigating the waters of starting a social connection that might help keep things smooth and less awkward. One idea is to mention why you want someone's number, to establish what kind of relationship you're looking for. Not a drawn out explanation, just something short you include to clarify, e.g.: "if you wanna text some time," or "so we can hang out," or "in case one of us needs the homework," whichever the situation is. So when you think you like the person, you might say that you'd like to keep talking with them--just something honest and straightforward. That can help prevent the recipient feeling put off because they don't know what you want from them. The other idea is to ask to trade numbers, rather than give theirs or accept yours. That way neither of you holds any more responsibility to connect than the other. And if you both enter your info into the other's phone, you can each control whether you want them to know your full name, and/or how you prefer to be called.

Tinder's been treating me pretty well so far. I met a girl for coffee today and I think we hit it off nicely. I enjoyed the talk and she was even prettier than her pics. We exchanged numbers and parted ways. Like a 99% chance we'll meet again, she's texting me about music and concerts currently. thoughts: is she being a little quick, with the concert talk ? she texts a little more nonchalantly than she talks, she's just a little more reserved IRL than thru text I'd totally like to hang with her again but I also have tinder matches and convos that interest me, what's a tidy way to reconcile these things ? she's 19 I'm 22, I'll be damned if it's not a bummer when people aren't 21 yet

havent really invested myself in any form of relationship for a while, until now. hooked up with a girl at a party. turned into a two time thing this weekend. she's pretty nice. but i don't know where i wanna take it, or what she wants. think she doesn't know either. don't know if i'm just overthinking it, but i don't wanna get hurt or hurt her if it turns out we have different expectations. any advice?

[QUOTE=Zar;52857619] but i don't know where i wanna take it, or what she wants. think she doesn't know either. [/QUOTE] There's a part of your issue. You need to think if you really have a goal with her, if you want to continue or just stick as friends. Its difficult to help you if you don't think about what you want for yourself

[QUOTE=danjee;52857454]Tinder's been treating me pretty well so far. I met a girl for coffee today and I think we hit it off nicely. I enjoyed the talk and she was even prettier than her pics. We exchanged numbers and parted ways. Like a 99% chance we'll meet again, she's texting me about music and concerts currently. thoughts: is she being a little quick, with the concert talk ? she texts a little more nonchalantly than she talks, she's just a little more reserved IRL than thru text I'd totally like to hang with her again but I also have tinder matches and convos that interest me, what's a tidy way to reconcile these things ? she's 19 I'm 22, I'll be damned if it's not a bummer when people aren't 21 yet[/QUOTE] Doesn't seem too early for concert talk at all. The fact you have met up once already and that this is a Tinder match means things tend to happen at a slightly less deliberate pace. The only way to reconcile those things is to see her again and decide at that point whether or not you would at least like to see her again after that, and if so, stop looking for matches and talking to anyone in an explicitly romantic context. Anything else would not be fair on her. Well done, mate. :)

Hey-o guys. I've been around for a while but never gathered enough courage to speak here. I've left my ex 3 months ago when he had a 5 years relationship. While she moved on, still loves me tho, I can't move on. Like, it's easier for girls to find guys than guys to find girls. I've got lucky on Friday night but idk. I'm overthinking. Feeling alone and stuff. What's the best way to be confident and to pick up girls? I'm not shy. I just lack confidence and I feel everything will go to shit asap. Also Idk what to talk about most of the time. Any piece of advice? :s:

[QUOTE=sourcegamer101;52857229]Words not syncing up with actions (sometimes), hectic life, issues with family, very interesting and shady past. Mind you there is a 12 year age gap (me being the younger one) so there is different perspectives and experience as factors. I do plan to communicate with them about it, but these are things that just popped into my mind Or maybe im overthinking like i always do when alone, coupled with past emotional scars and apparant trust issues, driving myself crazy as a result, but idk[/QUOTE] Apart from a shady past, which sounds quite ominous the way you describe it, those are all quite common things in relationships. If a hectic life and family issues are sufficient to put you off, then it probably wasn't going to last that long anyway, but it seems more that you are just concerned that this is a sign that they are emotionally manipulating you. I think the most likely explanation is that you are probably being mildly paranoid (understandably) due to having been hurt before, and that there is nothing serious to be concerned with. Is there any particular examples of what you think may have been emotionally manipulative? It is sometimes helpful for people divorced from a scenario to provide a more objective analysis.

[QUOTE=DChapsfield;52857293]I learned a couple things about navigating the waters of starting a social connection that might help keep things smooth and less awkward. [/QUOTE] sounds like way overthinking what is really quite a straightforward scenario. if you really feel you hit it off don't be afraid to just ask for her number, if she digs you she'll give it to you

going to an event thing tonight with a bunch of people from a uni society. feel a little bit miffed cause a few of us have offered to drive everyone up, and since I'm not super tight with everyone, all the chill people have shotgunned to go in other cars and I know I'm gonna turn up and all the weirdos are gonna be milling about with nowhere to go and I'm gonna have to chauffer them and it's gonna be such a lame drive. and there's this girl and her bf, the girl is really bubbly but talks way too much and basically makes it an utter ballache for me to peel off and chat with other people, and her bf is a little bit of a twat cause he's basically ignored me so many times (which makes it annoying for me to give him a lift). but his gf has helped me out a lot at uni so I felt like I couldn't say no to her asking for a lift. and it's so blegh. i'm almost certain her bf doesn't like me since her and I clicked so well, I'm pretty sure he thinks I have a thing for her or something despite the fact I've only ever been nice to her but not gone out of my way to suck up to her or anything. [editline]5th November 2017[/editline] PS: since i'm on a vent rampage, might as well add that if you're well known and liked in a society, fuck you if you basically turn it cliquey. i was part of a society last year and i was super comfortable in it, so i always went out of my way to get newcomers settled in and acquainted with everyone. but a bunch of societies aren't like that, you'll join and sorta mill about and everyone sort of sticks to their cliques and it's so lame.

Man, not having relationship experience at 23 sucks. It seems like girls can tell and it scares them off because I either come across as creepy or they don't want that pressure of being my first. It's almost like the common paradox of needing experience to get experience when it comes to job hunting.

Might need to be evaluating why you might be coming across as creepy.

I am currently both happy and angry at myself. Ready for storytime? Was at a party last night and starting talking with a girl. Completely out of character for me, I said fuck it and took the lead and we ended up in a bedroom making out. When she brought up coming back to my place though, I clammed up. I don't know why but at the time I was getting a weird feeling and was also probably a little scared and nervous. Additionally my young brother is staying at my place this weekend and I really didn't feel like bringing a girl over with the paper-thin walls at my house. The rest of the night we played some games, made out some more, and it got to the point where she straight up said "I want you to mess with me" :v: But nothing really happened much and I ended up going home a bit later. So now I'm both glad that I didn't do anything and kicking myself for not taking things all the way. I know at some point I'll need to get over that hump (heh) but for some reason a drunk hookup as my first time doesn't seem particularly appealing. Plus as the night went on she was getting more and more intoxicated and I didn't think too highly of the idea of essentially taking advantage of her. Still had fun at the party though. Oh well.

[QUOTE=Pascall;52858273]Might need to be evaluating why you might be coming across as creepy.[/QUOTE] It's definitely a problem with clingyness and getting attached too quickly. I've never dated anyone so it's too easy for me to act that way. [QUOTE=The golden;52858307]How is your level of confidence? It doesn't matter what experience you have if you give off an atmosphere of confidence, maturity, and respect. That's what a girl is going to look for! No girl is going to want to date a guy who is mopey, sad, or clingy. They see that as a big flashing sign that says "High Maintenance". (Not saying you are these things, but they are examples of things to look out for.)[/QUOTE] My confidence is pretty low to be completely honest. Every girl I'm interested in turns me down so I'm pretty much at that point where I'm about ready to completely give up. In the past month or so I've been rejected 3 times and been ghosted on Tinder so many times I stopped counting.

[QUOTE=papkee;52858283]I am currently both happy and angry at myself. Ready for storytime? Was at a party last night and starting talking with a girl. Completely out of character for me, I said fuck it and took the lead and we ended up in a bedroom making out. When she brought up coming back to my place though, I clammed up. I don't know why but at the time I was getting a weird feeling and was also probably a little scared and nervous. Additionally my young brother is staying at my place this weekend and I really didn't feel like bringing a girl over with the paper-thin walls at my house. The rest of the night we played some games, made out some more, and it got to the point where she straight up said "I want you to mess with me" :v: But nothing really happened much and I ended up going home a bit later. So now I'm both glad that I didn't do anything and kicking myself for not taking things all the way. I know at some point I'll need to get over that hump (heh) but for some reason a drunk hookup as my first time doesn't seem particularly appealing. Plus as the night went on she was getting more and more intoxicated and I didn't think too highly of the idea of essentially taking advantage of her. Still had fun at the party though. Oh well.[/QUOTE] If you didn't feel like doing it and didn't then you did the right thing, you don't have to beat yourself over it. It's not really enjoyable if one party isn't into it. If I were you, though, I wouldn't worry too much about my first time. It's rarely anything special, and I think it's sacralized way too much in our society.

[QUOTE=Taepodong-2;52858253]Man, not having relationship experience at 23 sucks. It seems like girls can tell and it scares them off because I either come across as creepy or they don't want that pressure of being my first. It's almost like the common paradox of needing experience to get experience when it comes to job hunting.[/QUOTE] Confidence is definitely something that girls will pick up on. Any particular reason that you think they find you creepy? I am going to use my Asperger's brain to approach this problem logically and explain to you that guys merely struggle more to find partners due to a massive mismatch in sexually dimorphic reproductive rates. A woman can have roughly 1.2 children in 9 months and a man can practically fertilize a million eggs, so this is the biological reason for men having to try harder to find a mate, and I would not say that it necessarily reflects negatively on you. The way I have explained this might seem stupid, but sometimes finding a purpose for why human behaviour works the way it does helps me overcome social anxiety regarding some seemingly idiosyncratic ritual, or whatever. [editline]5th November 2017[/editline] [QUOTE=papkee;52858283]I am currently both happy and angry at myself. Ready for storytime? Was at a party last night and starting talking with a girl. Completely out of character for me, I said fuck it and took the lead and we ended up in a bedroom making out. When she brought up coming back to my place though, I clammed up. I don't know why but at the time I was getting a weird feeling and was also probably a little scared and nervous. Additionally my young brother is staying at my place this weekend and I really didn't feel like bringing a girl over with the paper-thin walls at my house. The rest of the night we played some games, made out some more, and it got to the point where she straight up said "I want you to mess with me" :v: But nothing really happened much and I ended up going home a bit later. So now I'm both glad that I didn't do anything and kicking myself for not taking things all the way. I know at some point I'll need to get over that hump (heh) but for some reason a drunk hookup as my first time doesn't seem particularly appealing. Plus as the night went on she was getting more and more intoxicated and I didn't think too highly of the idea of essentially taking advantage of her. Still had fun at the party though. Oh well.[/QUOTE] I think you probably handled it fine. If she was into you enough to want to do that, she may even respect you a little more for not diving right in. Still, even if she thinks you're a prude, or whatever, you did good and you had fun - that's all that really matters in my view, along with the obvious prerequisite that nobody was intentionally hurt. [editline]5th November 2017[/editline] [QUOTE=The golden;52858307]How is your level of confidence? It doesn't matter what experience you have if you give off an atmosphere of confidence, maturity, and respect. That's what a girl is going to look for! No girl is going to want to date a guy who is mopey, sad, or clingy. They see that as a big flashing sign that says "High Maintenance". (Not saying you are these things, but they are examples of things to look out for.)[/QUOTE] These are the sorts of posts that are probably far more useful than people realise. Having read some of this thread, this advice has clearly gone unheeded in some cases, so *please* take this in if you are struggling, guys. Sure, confidence is something that develops naturally through mostly environmental factors, but there's plenty that one can do to increase its likelihood. Maturity and respect are attributes I hope everyone has here in large supply, but if not, please work on those first! [editline]5th November 2017[/editline] [QUOTE=Taepodong-2;52858330]It's definitely a problem with clingyness and getting attached too quickly. I've never dated anyone so it's too easy for me to act that way. My confidence is pretty low to be completely honest. Every girl I'm interested in turns me down so I'm pretty much at that point where I'm about ready to completely give up. In the past month or so I've been rejected 3 times and been ghosted on Tinder so many times I stopped counting.[/QUOTE] Sorry to hear that, dude. I didn't have my first serious* relationship until 19 and it was a huge confidence boost, almost overnight. Intelligence is what attracts me to people most, so perhaps I am not a great metric to use, but if a nervous wreck like I was back then found somebody he loved, then there's still plenty of time for you yet! *by first serious relationship, I mean lasting longer than 3 months.

[QUOTE=Taepodong-2;52858253]Man, not having relationship experience at 23 sucks. It seems like girls can tell and it scares them off because I either come across as creepy or they don't want that pressure of being my first. It's almost like the common paradox of needing experience to get experience when it comes to job hunting.[/QUOTE] You don't need experience to get experience. You'll realize, when you're in a relationship, how little of it you need, which is still ironic but not quite the same. You pick up on a lot of stuff even when you're not in one. You probably know more than you think you do, so leave the stuff you think you don't know in the back of your mind, and focus on what you do know. Be conscious of how you engage in conversation, your mannerisms, how open you are to different topics, etc. and try to fine-tune that.

[QUOTE=gtanoofa;52858596]My mom unzipped my hoodie to see what bra i'm wearing to which i responded with slapping her hand away and when my sister and i said "gross" she responded with "You're my child. No biggie" I think my mom doesn't understand how to act around her children and has some real dark thoughts in her head that i wouldn't like to unfold :worried:[/QUOTE] jfc that's a barrier you shouldn't need to establish I hope you can discuss this with her in a civil manner

[QUOTE=gtanoofa;52858656]I'm 24 and my sister is 22. I'm planning to move away in less than a year tho(not due to them being touchy lol) They like hug me, headpat me, kiss my cheeks, rub my belly, grip my shoulders. My dad once tried to tie my sweatpant cords without even asking me and resulted in touching my crotch which made me jump the f up and start get super uncomfortable![/QUOTE] That is extremely inappropriate... I mean... It is fucked up either way, because your request for it to stop is the first and last reason that it should never happen again. It may be that you have to be more forceful next time, even though I am sure it will be uncomfortable for you.

[QUOTE=gtanoofa;52858697]I'm actually from Greece and i'm pretty sure that's not a Greek thing afaik. My dad never understands that he hurts me with his actions and just keeps on being an ass at times along with being touchy while i'm basically shouting at him to stop. My mom is just downright awkward and doesn't know how to act both to her kids and in the outside world. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯[/QUOTE] That actually sounds far more disturbing than I realised initially. This is a really dark question, but do you have any reason to suspect that this is not simply messing around, and may be something more sinister? Whilst that sort of thing is rare, it does happen, and is probably not reported anywhere near as much as it occurs due to the inherent power dynamic in parent-daughter relationships. I'm really sorry if that sounds at all accurate. Either way, I really think it would be a good idea to speak to your mum about it alone, or possibly with your sister there too if you think it will help. It is important that she acts on this, because this is incredibly unacceptable behaviour for [b]parents[/b] to be engaged in.

[QUOTE=Dan The Man;52858687]Perhaps it's just that this is just an American thing, and I don't understand it because [B]Britain outlawed touching in 1768,[/B] but presuming it isn't common over there, that is extremely inappropriate...[/QUOTE] What the fuck, is this a joke?