Super Friendly Social and Love Advice v8 - Stop spamming her with texts. - General

there is no worse feeling than having a conversation with someone and watching it slowly degress into one word replies

A girl who might actually be interested in me in class, tries to talk to me. Only for me to barely talk and have only one word replies while trying to have a conversation. Then an hour of thinking of being a fucking idiot for doing that, immediately dived into feeling depressed. Thanks social anxiety...

[QUOTE=Bathtub;51388592]there is no worse feeling than having a conversation with someone and watching it slowly degress into one word replies[/QUOTE] Same

Ugh why do I have such a hard time just sitting next to people? I know this one girl in two of my classes, and, although we talk, I can't bring myself to just sit next to her, because I know she usually sits with two other friends. It makes me think she doesn't want me to sit next to her, and then I end up sitting far away cursing myself and assuming she just fucking hates me. What the fuck is wrong with you, brain!? Then I just convert the sadness into anger, cause it hurts less, and spend my bus ride home wanting to rip out somebodies fucking larynx.

if people are giving you one word replies they dont want to talk to you

[QUOTE=cricket50;51389024]if people are giving you one word replies they dont want to talk to you[/QUOTE] my personal rule is more than a single one word reply in a row and i just stop talking to them like im not gonna waste my time talking to someone who isnt gonna put in the effort

[QUOTE=SebiWarrior;51386011]I can't for the life of me engage people I'd like to bond with in a conversation They'll either be dismissive or outright not reply (on FB) I'm not that bad of a person anymore, at least be polite and reply you're busy gosh darn it[/QUOTE] Kinda had a similar thing go on (though not as chronic as you seem to be having), was getting on really well with a girl in my classes, lots of laughs and a bit of teasing as well, thought I was in like sin when I managed to get her on Snapchat. Said hey, was gonna ask her to a show but she never replied :(. Can't tell if the dude that occasionally shows up in her snap story is a brother or boyfriend and I'm basically just sitting around trying to figure out what to do next lol. I broke my fucking ankle which means going out is a chore, but even if I wasn't gimped I'd have no real clue how to set something up outside of class. I feel like I do well with people when they're sat right in front of me, but I'm total shit at asking someone out once I have a rapport going.

[QUOTE=SebiWarrior;51388501]I dont want to don giovanni my way into her pants - I am (finally) past the stage where I tried to do that with all girls - just get to know each other better[/QUOTE] Honestly, I would not want to try to get to know someone over FB. People messaging me on FB is hard enough to keep up with as is on top of texting, Snapchat, Instagram, Twitter, etc., etc. What you want to do sounds like more of something that should be done in person than anything else. At least that's my opinion.

[QUOTE=WitheredGryphon;51389749]Honestly, I would not want to try to get to know someone over FB. People messaging me on FB is hard enough to keep up with as is on top of texting, Snapchat, Instagram, Twitter, etc., etc. What you want to do sounds like more of something that should be done in person than anything else. At least that's my opinion.[/QUOTE] I know, but we dont catch each other too often in person, and when we do its mostly because we're going about our way with buddies the right idea is to plan something out on fb and then meet, but you have to have a reply

[QUOTE=Blueridge;51383533]I'm studying abroad in Japan right now and am having a hard time not panicking because this is the first time where I'm interested in someone and they have shown interest in me - I think All my friends say that she probably likes me based off what has happened, like her inviting me to an all weekend field trip, expressing interest to join me and my friends for karaoke and asking me if she was cute(this was the first time we met, she said it in japanese using a dialect word she and some other girls were trying to explain to me and some friends) At the same time my head is doubting it even though all these things have happened. Yesterday I asked her "do you want to go to the mall, just you and me" with a subtle implication of a date and she said yes and I'm still doubting it Her English is very good - we can hold conversations about anything I can think of - but she can't follow slang or common phrases that aren't completely grammatically correct; she told me it took her years to figure out what "that sucks" meant in the context of an event going bad. My Japanese is nowhere near as good so when those situations arise we're both at a standstill but I've been able to avoid that from happening so far. So I'm not sure if my implication got through or not and I'm scared to ask if she thinks its a date or anything like that Also there's 5 weeks left before I leave and she has an extremely busy class schedule and is working a part time job on top of it so I'm also concerned about time[/QUOTE] uh its a good thing that i was doubting it because i got a message back after inviting her for our thanksgiving party that made everything get real awkward real fast. she said shed have to see if her boyfriend would be okay with it and now im panicking even more than before because if she remembers were still going to the mall together alone sometime this week thank god my head wasnt following anything good my friends were saying otherwise id be sulking in pain right about now im gonna try to not feel like shit while simultaneously try to keep a friendship going

So for the first time since I started work pretty much exactly 7 years ago, I'm going to be unemployed. I've been through a few jobs in those 7 years, but I've never been unemployed, going from one job straight to the next. I've been applying for stuff but I've either not heard back or not gotten the job. I've never been made redundant before, it's a bit shitty. Best part is since I was in the business less than 2 years I'm entitled to nothing by law, and that's exactly what I've gotten. Luckily I have some savings to get me by, hopefully I can at least get something to tide me over til the new year. Plus point is I'm away in Glasgow next week seeing old friends and one of my favourite bands. After that, unemployment. Swings and roundabouts.

so met someone nice at a friends party on friday, had a nice conversation with them, added them yesterday they accepted, im tempted to message them but idk to me that just seems a bit weird? the chances are I'll never see them again if I don't so not much to lose but I just think its a bit weird, idk what anyone else thinks. if it isn't obvious i've never done this sort of thing before

[QUOTE=Marzipas;51400280]so met someone nice at a friends party on friday, had a nice conversation with them, added them yesterday they accepted, im tempted to message them but idk to me that just seems a bit weird? the chances are I'll never see them again if I don't so not much to lose but I just think its a bit weird, idk what anyone else thinks. if it isn't obvious i've never done this sort of thing before[/QUOTE] If you want to, do it sooner rather than later

[QUOTE=Marzipas;51400280]so met someone nice at a friends party on friday, had a nice conversation with them, added them yesterday they accepted, im tempted to message them but idk to me that just seems a bit weird? the chances are I'll never see them again if I don't so not much to lose but I just think its a bit weird, idk what anyone else thinks. if it isn't obvious i've never done this sort of thing before[/QUOTE] just go for it man. I messaged a friend that I hadn't spoken to in at least a couple of years because she's in the city I'm visiting next week, and we're meeting up for dinner when I'm there. better to shoot and miss, and gain some experience than overthink it all and do nothing.

Went on a couple dates with a girl and everything was going well. We were sposed to go to the movies today but it turns out she just doesn't like me at all. Bummer dude, bummer. [editline]21st November 2016[/editline] On the bright side I hadn't bought any tickets yet!

So a girl on okcupid messaged me a week or two ago and we finally met and had a date last night... She was totally different from what I was expecting. It was weird, after having talked to her over text. Over text I thought I'd be into it but now I don't feel like I really want anything to do with her. So now what? Do I try and go on another date or two and see if that changes? Do I tell her I'm not interested? I don't want to waste either of our time. In so insanely confused. Like, she's into the same stuff as me, our conversations flowed pretty well, everything was fine but for some reason I found myself wanting to end the date prematurely. Maybe it was her physical appearance? But I'd like to think that isn't so important to me. I mean I believe it's a little important but not an all out deal breaker. But here I am, she's pretty cool but I don't want any part of it. So what DO I want? I seriously just can't figure that out. I want to be with somebody but I don't know what kind of person im even looking for. I'm so sick of being alone and feeling like I'm going to be alone forever. It seems like I could never possibly find someone who's a good match for me. Especially since online dating is basically my only option. And online dating so far has mostly just made me feel worse. Ugh.

[QUOTE=riku2211;51404767]So a girl on okcupid messaged me a week or two ago and we finally met and had a date last night... She was totally different from what I was expecting. It was weird, after having talked to her over text. Over text I thought I'd be into it but now I don't feel like I really want anything to do with her. So now what? Do I try and go on another date or two and see if that changes? Do I tell her I'm not interested? I don't want to waste either of our time. In so insanely confused. Like, she's into the same stuff as me, our conversations flowed pretty well, everything was fine but for some reason I found myself wanting to end the date prematurely. Maybe it was her physical appearance? But I'd like to think that isn't so important to me. I mean I believe it's a little important but not an all out deal breaker. But here I am, she's pretty cool but I don't want any part of it. So what DO I want? I seriously just can't figure that out. I want to be with somebody but I don't know what kind of person im even looking for. I'm so sick of being alone and feeling like I'm going to be alone forever. It seems like I could never possibly find someone who's a good match for me. Especially since online dating is basically my only option. And online dating so far has mostly just made me feel worse. Ugh.[/QUOTE] You said it yourself. You wanted the date to end prematurely, and at that point, the reason is kinda irrelevant. That said, there's nothing wrong with not being into someone because of their appearance. Everyone has physical tastes, and no one is attracted to everything. Don't date someone that you're not attracted to because you fear loneliness. For one, you're just digging yourself into a hole that gets increasingly difficult to climb out of. Two, it's a dick move to do to someone. Go on another date and see how you feel then. If it's the same feeling again, stop pursuing her. It's better that way for the both of you.

So, I need another perspective on a friend problem. This friend, let's call him John for the purpose of this: We've been friends since secondary school, that was 6½ years ago we became inseparable during that time and even as we went on to study at different universities we still kept in touch and talked, played etc with each other everyday and a lot. It's always been me who's taken the initiative to be social but often when I didn't, he did it in his own way. Now in current time, we've had some fights but I always thought we could see past them but apparently not, I know he's dealing with a lot of problems like social anxiety, depression and such and I've had my fair share as well but we comforted each other by playing together and constantly keeping touch. Now, here's the problem. No matter what me, or anyone else says his attitude to everything is "why bother" or "why did you send that?" or different forms of just that. I have a lot of patience and tried my best to be social anyway but I just couldn't keep at it any longer so I took a break and didn't start any conversations at all.. Now it's been almost 6 months since then and he hasn't said one fucking thing, I know his still active and playing WoW etc. To explain more every conversation with him was extremely draining because there was no point of talking about anything since he shot down everything as uninteresting or pointless like the most extreme point of cynicism and apathy. It's like he lost all basic social skills, or refusing to use them. He have had tons of stuff before he wanted to talk about that I think is boring but I talked to him anyway about it, is that not what friends does for each other? John basically shoots down everything that's not inside his small interest bubble no matter what it is and I don't really know what to do. I know he's not feeling well mentally but we live 2 hours apart and I know he's on medication, so I'm not sure what to do, I feel so powerless and its extremely frustrating. I've considered trying to reach out to his parents and ask as a concerned friend how he's doing and what we can do to help him get better. I'm not the only one he's stopped talked to basically everyone in our friend group hasn't heard anything from him in 6 months. Though as said, we still see him online doing stuff. We called each other best friends for a long time but apparently that's not worth that much to him? I'm constantly worried about him, and its exhausting since I can't let it go. I want to reach out to him but I don't know if it will work. At the same time I'm extremely pissed off for the kind of behavior he's had, both immature and just mind-boggling attitudes. I want him the best but this whole thing just makes me angry, sad and exhausted. I came here since I have nowhere else to ask about it. We've all talked about it in our friend group but their advice was to cut the friendship and I'm not sure if I'm able to do that. Sorry for the extremely messy grammar and sentence structure, I tend to lose those things when I write about things that hit me emotionally.

As you said he has a mental illness and that's more than likely driving his behaviour and actions. His medication could be playing a part in it too. I would ask his parents. It sounds very likely he's not himself.

man so nearly bottled it at the last minute but messaged them and been having a great wee chat, cheers for the help guys

Since i barely, if at all message people i knew from my class from highschool. Im afraid if i start messaging them now, they will view it as off putting. Thats what i think what will happen, or they'll just view it as me just being more social. Fucking social anxiety makes you feel like a creepo even if you are just sending a simple "Hi" message.

I don't know if this is the right place to ask: my grandma passed away last night. I found out today, I called my father asking after her and he told me she was put into an induced coma but sadly never came out of it. When my dad told me, it hit me really hard, but I kept myself together. After I hung up, I felt really sad and angry at myself for not making more of an effort to visit her (last time I saw her was in September before I left for uni). This entire day has been a weird mix of feeling down, and then feeling normal. I thought, losing someone as close to me as my grandma, I'd be a wreck. But I haven't cried. Just feel intense sadness at times throughout the day, and then it passes and I'm back to my (almost) regular self. Is this normal? I really loved my grandma and I feel like her passing away should leave me a sobbing, emotional wreck.

right lol never thought i'd be in this position, i've been talking to them a lot and i know that i probably want to meet them in person again, im not going to say anything like that now i mean thats waay to fast for me i think, but i just dont know how im supposed to know when its the right moment i suppose? I can only really message them since we dont live super nearby (although not far by any means, about an hours train away at the most) we're both a bit busy with uni atm so i dont really know how to approach asking to meet at some point? I could put it on the backburner for a few weeks but then maybe end up losing momentum with the conversation, or drop it in early (which i think is the wrong option) and potentially end up having a chat with an awkward silence for a couple of weeks before we meet. what do

[QUOTE=loopoo;51406585]I don't know if this is the right place to ask: my grandma passed away last night. I found out today, I called my father asking after her and he told me she was put into an induced coma but sadly never came out of it. When my dad told me, it hit me really hard, but I kept myself together. After I hung up, I felt really sad and angry at myself for not making more of an effort to visit her (last time I saw her was in September before I left for uni). This entire day has been a weird mix of feeling down, and then feeling normal. I thought, losing someone as close to me as my grandma, I'd be a wreck. But I haven't cried. Just feel intense sadness at times throughout the day, and then it passes and I'm back to my (almost) regular self. Is this normal? I really loved my grandma and I feel like her passing away should leave me a sobbing, emotional wreck.[/QUOTE] I didn't cry after my grandpa died. Like Renegade said though, It was a long downhill battle with cancer and I was already mentally prepared for it. It was almost a relief, because it meant his pain was over. We were there when he died so that was kind of heavy, and I was busy consoling my little cousins and just never got around to crying. Don't think I have yet, and that was years ago. Came close at the funeral, though. Taps has never been easy. [editline]21st November 2016[/editline] Well, we weren't [I]there[/I] when he died. The Hospital we were at wanted to transfer him to a hospice care place, but it took the ambulance place all day to get around to it, he was barely hanging on by the time they got there to move him, and he passed in the ambulance on the way over. That was the hardest part of it all, really. We had been with him all day, for a few days. Only for him to go in a damn ambulance without anyone there with him. Felt bad for grandma because I imagine she wanted to be there with him when it happened, but was robbed of that. I'll never forget the feeling of walking into the hospice care place and finding out we missed it by minutes. After days of being with him.

Well decided to grow a pair of balls and messaged some people. they replied back nicely, fuck you social awkward thinking.

I've gotten like 5 or 6 girl's numbers the past week. Feels good, one of them is really cool and I definitely want to get to know her better the most.

[QUOTE=bdd458;51407060]I've gotten like 5 or 6 girl's numbers the past week. Feels good, one of them is really cool and I definitely want to get to know her better the most.[/QUOTE] Meanwhile I'll try asking this one girl out. maybe two, gotta work up to it with the other one first I guess probably nothing's gonna happen as it seems only one girl was ever into me :suicide:

[QUOTE=loopoo;51406585]I don't know if this is the right place to ask: my grandma passed away last night. I found out today, I called my father asking after her and he told me she was put into an induced coma but sadly never came out of it. When my dad told me, it hit me really hard, but I kept myself together. After I hung up, I felt really sad and angry at myself for not making more of an effort to visit her (last time I saw her was in September before I left for uni). This entire day has been a weird mix of feeling down, and then feeling normal. I thought, losing someone as close to me as my grandma, I'd be a wreck. But I haven't cried. Just feel intense sadness at times throughout the day, and then it passes and I'm back to my (almost) regular self. Is this normal? I really loved my grandma and I feel like her passing away should leave me a sobbing, emotional wreck.[/QUOTE] My grandma died over a year ago at the young age of 67. My dad came home early from work and told me she was gone, and I went back to my room and cried for a bit. But that was really it. She was suffering (smoking since she was a teen and was constantly in and out of hospital), so when the initial grief passed I was kinda glad that she didn't have to deal with all the problems anymore. My family knew it was coming, it was more of just WHEN it was going to happen. If what you're asking is "Am I a bad person for not being a sobbing mess?", the answer is no. It depends on the situation. If she was suffering constantly like mine, maybe that's why you get those mixed feelings of sadness and normalness. People also just grieve differently. Overwhelming sadness can hit you at any point and maybe it hasn't hit you yet.

I managed beat my anxiety to message my crush and we had a nice chat. Then I messaged her again today, and she just ended up reading my message, going offline and then never replying back. Sort of seemed like she was in a bad mood, though it feels like she isn't really interested in talking with me anyway. I guess it's time to never talk to her ever again. Man I'm so shit at this

[QUOTE=Laserbeams;51407551]I managed beat my anxiety to message my crush and we had a nice chat. Then I messaged her again today, and she just ended up reading my message, going offline and then never replying back. Sort of seemed like she was in a bad mood, though it feels like she isn't really interested in talking with me anyway. I guess it's time to never talk to her ever again. Man I'm so shit at this[/QUOTE] you are not shit at it you messaged her, that's a feat of its own. too bad it was wasted on someone who doesnt care for you, but hey, she lost someone who cared for her, it's her loss