Super Friendly Social and Love Advice v8 - Stop spamming her with texts.

[maeZtro]

[QUOTE=J Paul;52902656]Well I mean I can sprint for a mile straight, usually more. I'm super skinny, I'm not overweight. I can do pullups all day and I can run until long after everyone else is tired. But it's probably just because I have no mass to move so it's not really any work.

I'm awful at expressing myself in text but hey I appreciate that you think I'm good at it, that's very nice. I'll never be properly educated because while I might put a bit of effort into a pity party like this, I'll never actually put any hard work and effort into something worthwhile that'll teach me a valid skill. That's just not like me. I've never been able to do that. I'm a high school dropout and my GPA when I exited was like 0.2 so yeah I'm never going to do anything with all this typing. It's as worthless as I am.

And I wish my family wouldn't have existed. If my grandparents could have gotten an abortion or adopted out, I'm sure things would be better without us.

I don't know how to be more positive. My entire day is filled with thoughts, and actual spoken utterances of things like "there's no reason for me to be alive", "I hate being alive", "I hate everything", "I hate being me", etc.

And life is not that bad at all. I'm incredibly comfortable and live in a first world country where I can be this level of disaster and I still get to be warm and fed every night. If there were justice in the world, some hard working immigrants would be living here instead of me, they deserve it. My life is fucking amazing compared to a vast majority of human existence. Most people who have existed have had it much worse than me. Yet I really wish I had just been aborted.[/QUOTE]

Then you have the perfect starting point. Also you can be proud of your ability to run. If you don't like the gym that much I suggest doing this:

Add 3X8 pull ups + 3X10 pushups before each work out and you will build foundational strength and grow to a point. Don't work out more than 3 days a week.

Mon: Treadmill. walk 2:30 run 0:30. repeat until you hit 30 min.
Wed: Rowing machine. Row 30 min on a pretty easy level.
Fri: Same as Monday.

This will make you stronger and more aesthetic but the focus will be on cardio. When you have done it for about 4 months you will have plateaued and can either just keep doing it to stay at the same level or start doing lifting.

Don't compare yourself to other people and whenever you think those things try to think of something else or compliment yourself. You can actually train yourself to become happier and less affected by negativity. I don't know what else to tell you but I really think you should try to find a good therapist.

[ni🅱️🅱️a]

[QUOTE=Loofiloo;52902504]I feel like I've gotten into this weird rut with a friend and I don't know what to do.

She and I have been best friends for about 2-3 years now basically. We're really close, in fact I'm not sure I've ever been as close to anybody as I've been to her. It was a sexual relationship at one point too, which probably counts for something, but now she has a boyfriend (going on 1 year) and she and I are still friends.

We don't see each other a lot, (around once a month these days) but we always hit one kind of emotional extreme or another every time we meet up. Like we will have the time of our lives doing pretty much anything, we make lots of jokes and she has told me I'm the only person who's ever been able to make her laugh so much that she literally pees herself a little.

So, when we have a good day, we have a great day. But when we have a bad day, we have a miserable day. For a long time we've been comfortable enough to talk to each other about any kind of trouble we've gone through, or any heavy emotions we've felt, but I almost feel like we SHOULDN'T be that comfortable. Like being totally emotionally uninhibited with each other, in some weird way, just makes it harder on each other.

I don't want to go into all the details just because this is already turning into a long-ass post, but she and I hung out tonight, and it turned into one of those heavy emotional days at the end, and when I got home she had texted me that she feels like she always ends up hurting me when we spend time together anymore, and she needs space and we should take a break, and really... I don't disagree. The same thoughts were going through my head on my own drive home.

So I'm not sure what I need to ask here. Do you think it's possible to be TOO close to a friend? Is there anything we could be doing differently? Is this some NGE "hedgehog's dilemma" bullshit? Am I goddamn Shinji?[/QUOTE]

Is this the same chick with a boyfriend you've been taking about for the last few months who you still have romantic feelings for, the wanting to have her move in anyways, and worrying about breaking up their relationship one? If so you should have been out of there a long time ago man, you guys clearly are not looking at this friendship the same way.

[Bathtub]

found out that that group of friends ive talked about here before all hung out at my ex girlfriends house last night and didnt invite me

they said they did it because they knew id say no and wanted to protect my feelings but im still incredibly hurt

[G-Man]

[QUOTE=Bathtub;52903090]found out that that group of friends ive talked about here before all hung out at my ex girlfriends house last night and didnt invite me

they said they did it because they knew id say no and wanted to protect my feelings but im still incredibly hurt[/QUOTE]

I've never understood the argument. "We knew you'd say no so we didn't invite you." I mean, so fucking what? Show a bit of courtesy and ask anyway. If I wanna hang out with my friends and I know one of them will say no, I'll still invite him regardless, to show him I haven't forgotten about him and that the door is open to him.

[AxeI]

I've had a new girlfriend for one month now but I still sometimes feel shaken about my previous breakup from 3 months ago. Sometimes good memories from my previous relationship make their way to my brain while I'm with my GF and it just keeps me from really living my current one. This afternoon it was just too much and I broke in tears in front of her, she hugged me and asked me what it was about but I didn't feel like telling her.
I don't know if I'm in love with her, I just feel comfortable with her, I love the hugs and the cuddling. But most of the time I can't help but feel it's missing something, like she has qualities my ex doesn't, but my mind just focuses on what she doesn't have that my ex does. I thought I was ready for a new relationship, that I wouldn't move on by dwelling on things. Have I made a mistake?

[Lebofly]

[QUOTE=_Axel;52903993]I've had a new girlfriend for one month now but I still sometimes feel shaken about my previous breakup from 3 months ago. Sometimes good memories from my previous relationship make their way to my brain while I'm with my GF and it just keeps me from really living my current one. This afternoon it was just too much and I broke in tears in front of her, she hugged me and asked me what it was about but I didn't feel like telling her.
I don't know if I'm in love with her, I just feel comfortable with her, I love the hugs and the cuddling. But most of the time I can't help but feel it's missing something, like she has qualities my ex doesn't, but my mind just focuses on what she doesn't have that my ex does. I thought I was ready for a new relationship, that I wouldn't move on by dwelling on things. Have I made a mistake?[/QUOTE]

How long was your last relationship?

[AxeI]

[QUOTE=Lebofly;52904358]How long was your last relationship?[/QUOTE]
A year and a half.

[editline]19th November 2017[/editline]

[QUOTE=Kabstrac;52904385]The only mistake you're making is dwelling on your ex bud. The bad will always out weigh the good. Never forget why you broke up in the first place.[/QUOTE]
Going back in is not an option. What I'm concerned about is whether it was too early to get in a new relationship without it being a rebound, which isn't a very nice thing to do to someone.

[Lebofly]

[QUOTE=_Axel;52904443]A year and a half.

[editline]19th November 2017[/editline]

Going back in is not an option. What I'm concerned about is whether it was too early to get in a new relationship without it being a rebound, which isn't a very nice thing to do to someone.[/QUOTE]

Rebounds sometimes work though, just try to work past your issues with her and if it works out then good for you. Otherwise you'll know you weren't ready, my ex of 3 years started dating like 2 months after we broke up and she's still with the dude a year later

[AxeI]

Yeah, maybe it'll work, but what if I end up finding out I don't actually love her? Sometimes right after sex I just feel weird, like I'm not sure if it's someone I want to be with. I still really like the cuddles and hugging but I also feel that there's more than that in a relationship, right?

[G-Man]

[QUOTE=_Axel;52905608]Yeah, maybe it'll work, but what if I end up finding out I don't actually love her? Sometimes right after sex I just feel weird, like I'm not sure if it's someone I want to be with. I still really like the cuddles and hugging but I also feel that there's more than that in a relationship, right?[/QUOTE]

I'd give it some time. It's not that long ago you broke up with your ex, and it's normal to reminisce about the past. From what I can gather, you really like this girl, so I think if you just keep working with her and be open about your feelings, then it might just work out.

[Mister Sandman]

Alright, this is going to be a long one, but here it goes.

I was in a long distance relationship for 5 years. It was predictably really hard but it was never one I wanted to give up on. In fact, since I lived in a shithole with no real life friends and a family that was abusive to me, it was the only thing that kept me going. I'm pretty confident that if our relationship hadn't happened either one of us would have ended up dead, but we pulled each other through all that.

Of course, it wasn't without difficulty. Especially around year 4 or 5 things started to get really hard to keep going. So, we made a trip happen. I flew up to her state and we spent a week together having a blast and doing all kinds of fun shit. A lot of people say people are different offline than online, but that wasn't true in our case. Immediately we hit it off and interacted exactly how we did online and things went great. It was one of the best weeks I had ever had.

Soon after I got back home, she went to go hang out with some trans people she met online for a birthday. She had never had much friends so I totally was like yeah, go for it. She went, and, well, she cheated on me with one of them. After that she started wanting to break up, claiming she needed in person intimacy and that things had gotten just awkward between us for some reason and it wouldn't go away. I didn't react well, to put it lightly. One trip to a mental hospital and a week straight of thinking and nothing else, I came back and we talked about the changes that needed to happen to get rid of the awkwardness. We made them, and also, decided to move me up there. For good.

I moved in with her and her family, and it was fantastic. Not just because I was finally living in a good, normal house, but because we got to be together and do shit together in real life for once. And things went pretty great for a month, with some minor difficulties getting a job and shit going. It was great for a solid month.
Then it went bad. One morning she told me she was going to go hang out with work friends. I asked to tag along and she said she kinda wanted a day to herself. I sort of reluctantly was like ok, and then eventually she broke down crying and told me she planned on cheating on me with a girl she met on tinder. I tried to make things better, and that night she told me she was going to go over to a co-workers place and talk about our relationship. I wasn't born yesterday, so I was extremely skeptical, and I wanted to look on her phone to make sure she wasn't going off to meet that girl. She was uncomfortable with that, and so was I. I never wanted to have the kind of relationship where one person looks through the other's shit out of paranoia.

So I acquiesced. I didn't look through her phone, and I told her I trusted her. She kissed me, smiled, told me she loved me and that things would be fine, and she left. You can guess what happened. We broke up the day after. I slept on the couch for a while trying to find a way to move out and still live in that state. We started to make progress, then I receded because I started thinking about all the bad shit she did to me. I didn't talk to her for a few weeks.

I started talking to other people, and found out she didn't have the best reputation. To say the least. A lot of people hated her, some in general, some for what she did to me, some for what she did to them. One girl said my ex was a liar and manipulator that hurt her bad enough that she wanted to cut herself with a box cutter.
I confronted my ex with this all and started talking about how when she stabs people in the back like this and acts like she doesn't have any empathy, she fucks her life up. My ex broke down, and we talked, and seemed to make progress.

Within a couple days, she sealed up, hard. She started treating me like a sociopath, not caring about my emotions at all. One night while I was still there I felt suicidal, had a knife in my hands and everything, and she insulted me, calling me 'like a hurt puppy'. It wasn't long until I got kicked out and moved back to my family.

i sort of reached a point of maximum misery and panic and then just sort of snapped, but in a good way. I realized some things that had been wrong with me for a long time. I wasn't much of an independent person. I haven't really had a job for more than a couple weeks since I left high school 3 years ago, I'm fat, I have lots of ambitions but do nothing to work for them, I'm hardly desirable. She seemed to reaffirm those being big reasons why what happened happened. So, I thought by fixing those things and proving I fixed it, that I could fix things with us. And eventually I came back and proved I'd made a lot of progress. For a while we talked like normal and things seemed to be improving. Then they went bad again. Then my cat died. The day he died I talked with her about taking our lives seriously and planning out the next 5 years. We talked about what makes us a great couple. Like how perfectly we click personality wise. We have similar interests, and while she's shy, I'm very social, which lets me guide us through public situations without her being crippled by social anxiety. This is an abridged version but there is a lot there. We seemed to make progress and it helped me deal with the loss of my cat for a while.

Then things went bad one night, and she receded again. She has a habit of making progress and then completely sealing back up a day or so later and reverting to where she was or being even worse. This time she claimed it was because she just 'knew me too well' and there was too much baggage. Now we're not talking again, partially because I decided not to talk to her believing that time and distance would be the best thing to heal us, and partially because she apparently blocked me not long after.

Everyone tells me to just give up. That I should have hated her guts the moment she cheated on me the first time. That it's not going to work and I should just move on. And I'm trying to, but it's so fucking hard for me to believe any of that. We started dating when we were 15, so in a sense, I partially grew up dating her. It's really fucking hard for me to imagine a world without her. It's not something I'm happy about, but the fact is that she's kind of the only thing that ever actually made me happy. And I really, really want to believe that she's just a garbage person, and that I'll find someone a million times better than her, and that I shouldn't care. But it's so, fucking, hard to believe that and just give up.
This is brief but there's a lot more bad things and good things. Great parts about our relationship, fucked up things she's done to me, so on. But that's the gist of it. I guess I'm posting this partially out of wanting someone to convince me that things will get better and I'll find someone better, partially out of wanting to hear something that could help us that I haven't thought of already. I would really like to hear advice either way.

[DireWolf]

I think you already know this, but the best way to handle her is to resolve yourself to never see her again. She very clearly manipulated you with malicious intent several times. I know you care for her, but it could not be more obvious how little she cares for you, how ever much she may say otherwise. It doesn't matter how good your relationship might have been "outside" of that, it's clear she's very damaging to your self-esteem and wellbeing. She is bad news. Get away and stay away.

Also, I can't stress enough how great it is that you realized you needed to hold yourself to a higher standard and self-improve. I know the feeling of having a lot of ambition and high hopes but lacking the motivation to follow through, or even start. What helped me was making a spreadsheet of my goals each month and marking down when I do them each week, such as going to the gym 4x a week, only eating so much fast food, studying X subject for a certain amount of time per day, et cetera. If there's no tangible (or at least existent) reminder of where you are and where you want to be, it's a lot easier to procrastinate or tell yourself "fuck it, I'll do it later". Not that I don't fuck up now and again, but I am WAY more on track with my life now and I've only been doing it for a month now.

[Mister Sandman]

[QUOTE=Wealth + Taste;52905842]I think you already know this, but the best way to handle her is to resolve yourself to never see her again. She very clearly manipulated you with malicious intent several times. I know you care for her, but it could not be more obvious how little she cares for you, how ever much she may say otherwise. It doesn't matter how good your relationship might have been "outside" of that, it's clear she's very damaging to your self-esteem and wellbeing. She is bad news. Get away and stay away.

Also, I can't stress enough how great it is that you realized you needed to hold yourself to a higher standard and self-improve. I know the feeling of having a lot of ambition and high hopes but lacking the motivation to follow through, or even start. What helped me was making a spreadsheet of my goals each month and marking down when I do them each week, such as going to the gym 4x a week, only eating so much fast food, studying X subject for a certain amount of time per day, et cetera. If there's no tangible (or at least existent) reminder of where you are and where you want to be, it's a lot easier to procrastinate or tell yourself "fuck it, I'll do it later". Not that I don't fuck up now and again, but I am WAY more on track with my life now and I've only been doing it for a month now.[/QUOTE]

How do you reckon she manipulated me?
Also it's sort of hard to reconcile the bad parts with the good parts. Because yeah, the way she's treated me has just been purely unacceptable. But at the same time it is so fucking hard to think about the best parts of our relationship and just give up on that.

One problem I have as a person is that I am just so fucking stubborn it's unbelievable. When I really truly want something or care about something it is so hard for me to just give up on it. More than anything I've always wanted our relationship to work and go on for decades and so more than anything it is so damn hard to just give up on it. Sometimes I work myself up in to hating her guts, and I want to tell her to fuck off, and then I go to do that and I just soften and try to make things work again because it's so fucking hard for me to hate her.
One thing that also fucks me up is that she's pretty much getting away scott free with fucking me over and hurting me as much as she has. You'd like to believe in some sense of karma but the truth is that most of our circle doesn't really give a shit that she cheated on me. They feel bad that I feel bad, but they don't hold it against her at all. And I'm just supposed to not talk about it; they intend to oust either one of us that brings up the drama around them. Which she has no problem doing. So it's basically a "shut up or leave" to me.

[billeh!]

[QUOTE=Mister Sandman;52905807]Alright, this is going to be a long one, but here it goes.

I was in a long distance relationship for 5 years. It was predictably really hard but it was never one I wanted to give up on. In fact, since I lived in a shithole with no real life friends and a family that was abusive to me, it was the only thing that kept me going. I'm pretty confident that if our relationship hadn't happened either one of us would have ended up dead, but we pulled each other through all that.

Of course, it wasn't without difficulty. Especially around year 4 or 5 things started to get really hard to keep going. So, we made a trip happen. I flew up to her state and we spent a week together having a blast and doing all kinds of fun shit. A lot of people say people are different offline than online, but that wasn't true in our case. Immediately we hit it off and interacted exactly how we did online and things went great. It was one of the best weeks I had ever had.

Soon after I got back home, she went to go hang out with some trans people she met online for a birthday. She had never had much friends so I totally was like yeah, go for it. She went, and, well, she cheated on me with one of them. After that she started wanting to break up, claiming she needed in person intimacy and that things had gotten just awkward between us for some reason and it wouldn't go away. I didn't react well, to put it lightly. One trip to a mental hospital and a week straight of thinking and nothing else, I came back and we talked about the changes that needed to happen to get rid of the awkwardness. We made them, and also, decided to move me up there. For good.

I moved in with her and her family, and it was fantastic. Not just because I was finally living in a good, normal house, but because we got to be together and do shit together in real life for once. And things went pretty great for a month, with some minor difficulties getting a job and shit going. It was great for a solid month.
Then it went bad. One morning she told me she was going to go hang out with work friends. I asked to tag along and she said she kinda wanted a day to herself. I sort of reluctantly was like ok, and then eventually she broke down crying and told me she planned on cheating on me with a girl she met on tinder. I tried to make things better, and that night she told me she was going to go over to a co-workers place and talk about our relationship. I wasn't born yesterday, so I was extremely skeptical, and I wanted to look on her phone to make sure she wasn't going off to meet that girl...[/QUOTE]

you have a really good heart. Some people operate differently, in which they lack the ability to hold themselves accountable to what they want to be. It's not a blameworthy thing.... more like a total lack of self analysis. An example: I once hung out with a girl who told me she had body image issues. Namely that she could never be skinny enough. But I learned from a friend that she told this to everyone she met. My initial reaction was to say, "oh that's her just being honest and chattin it up about her life," but my friend countered and said she was doing it for attention... And I argued with him for a long time about this. But y'know, he's right. And it hurt for me to acknowledge such a cold thing about a person.

Ya have a good heart! That's good, I think that's strength. You may meet someone someday who will appreciate that. best

Ps I disagree with the other two that say she doesn't care about you. She does! But she doesn't know how to care. Help yourself first.

[source]

im torn between just backing off before i get attached or talking about the status of us and what we even are, but idk honestly, its starting to drive me crazy. I need some help

[PyneApple]

Quick question! I was messaging a girl on Tinder, and we've moved over to texting (I asked if I could give her my number, she seemed to like that I had asked it in that format)

Now we're talking over whatsapp and have been for two days.. how do I maintain interest over text? We're just making small talk at this point

[billeh!]

[QUOTE=SuperLoz;52906037]Quick question! I was messaging a girl on Tinder, and we've moved over to texting (I asked if I could give her my number, she seemed to like that I had asked it in that format)

Now we're talking over whatsapp and have been for two days.. how do I maintain interest over text? We're just making small talk at this point[/QUOTE]

Ask her to hang out my dude

[billeh!]

[QUOTE=sourcegamer101;52906003]im torn between just backing off before i get attached or talking about the status of us and what we even are, but idk honestly, its starting to drive me crazy. I need some help[/QUOTE]

I've been going through similar emotional stuff... Idk either but go easy on yourself. Do what you want, like moment to moment. Relax

Maybe she feels the same way... how would she know how you feel? You are where you are in life.

Maybe you need a stable relationship and that may or may not appeal to the person you're seeing. By going easy on yourself, realize that you're not in such a bad situation. Either she does or she doesn't want to be in a relationship. And if she doesn't, then all you need to do is be your beautiful self for a couple weeks and then start fishin when it gets easy to talk again. Things come and go.

[PyneApple]

[QUOTE=billeh!;52906048]Ask her to hang out my dude[/QUOTE]

I'm not back in the area until December.. unless I get the train and meet up - may cost me a bit though.

Tomorrow I'll ask if she wants to get a coffee next weekend - rate agree if I should do this?

[Morbo!!!]

[QUOTE=Mister Sandman;52905807]Alright, this is going to be a long one, but here it goes.

I was in a long distance relationship for 5 years. It was predictably really hard but it was never one I wanted to give up on. In fact, since I lived in a shithole with no real life friends and a family that was abusive to me, it was the only thing that kept me going. I'm pretty confident that if our relationship hadn't happened either one of us would have ended up dead, but we pulled each other through all that.

Of course, it wasn't without difficulty. Especially around year 4 or 5 things started to get really hard to keep going. So, we made a trip happen. I flew up to her state and we spent a week together having a blast and doing all kinds of fun shit. A lot of people say people are different offline than online, but that wasn't true in our case. Immediately we hit it off and interacted exactly how we did online and things went great. It was one of the best weeks I had ever had.

Soon after I got back home, she went to go hang out with some trans people she met online for a birthday. She had never had much friends so I totally was like yeah, go for it. She went, and, well, she cheated on me with one of them. After that she started wanting to break up, claiming she needed in person intimacy and that things had gotten just awkward between us for some reason and it wouldn't go away. I didn't react well, to put it lightly. One trip to a mental hospital and a week straight of thinking and nothing else, I came back and we talked about the changes that needed to happen to get rid of the awkwardness. We made them, and also, decided to move me up there. For good.

I moved in with her and her family, and it was fantastic. Not just because I was finally living in a good, normal house, but because we got to be together and do shit together in real life for once. And things went pretty great for a month, with some minor difficulties getting a job and shit going. It was great for a solid month.
Then it went bad. One morning she told me she was going to go hang out with work friends. I asked to tag along and she said she kinda wanted a day to herself. I sort of reluctantly was like ok, and then eventually she broke down crying and told me she planned on cheating on me with a girl she met on tinder. I tried to make things better, and that night she told me she was going to go over to a co-workers place and talk about our relationship. I wasn't born yesterday, so I was extremely skeptical, and I wanted to look on her phone to make sure she wasn't going off to meet that girl. She was uncomfortable with that, and so was I. I never wanted to have the kind of relationship where one person looks through the other's shit out of paranoia.

So I acquiesced. I didn't look through her phone, and I told her I trusted her. She kissed me, smiled, told me she loved me and that things would be fine, and she left. You can guess what happened. We broke up the day after. I slept on the couch for a while trying to find a way to move out and still live in that state. We started to make progress, then I receded because I started thinking about all the bad shit she did to me. I didn't talk to her for a few weeks.

I started talking to other people, and found out she didn't have the best reputation. To say the least. A lot of people hated her, some in general, some for what she did to me, some for what she did to them. One girl said my ex was a liar and manipulator that hurt her bad enough that she wanted to cut herself with a box cutter.
I confronted my ex with this all and started talking about how when she stabs people in the back like this and acts like she doesn't have any empathy, she fucks her life up. My ex broke down, and we talked, and seemed to make progress.

Within a couple days, she sealed up, hard. She started treating me like a sociopath, not caring about my emotions at all. One night while I was still there I felt suicidal, had a knife in my hands and everything, and she insulted me, calling me 'like a hurt puppy'. It wasn't long until I got kicked out and moved back to my family.

i sort of reached a point of maximum misery and panic and then just sort of snapped, but in a good way. I realized some things that had been wrong with me for a long time. I wasn't much of an independent person. I haven't really had a job for more than a couple weeks since I left high school 3 years ago, I'm fat, I have lots of ambitions but do nothing to work for them, I'm hardly desirable. She seemed to reaffirm those being big reasons why what happened happened. So, I thought by fixing those things and proving I fixed it, that I could fix things with us. And eventually I came back and proved I'd made a lot of progress. For a while we talked like normal and things seemed to be improving. Then they went bad again. Then my cat died. The day he died I talked with her about taking our lives seriously and planning out the next 5 years. We talked about what makes us a great couple. Like how perfectly we click personality wise. We have similar interests, and while she's shy, I'm very social, which lets me guide us through public situations without her being crippled by social anxiety. This is an abridged version but there is a lot there. We seemed to make progress and it helped me deal with the loss of my cat for a while.

Then things went bad one night, and she receded again. She has a habit of making progress and then completely sealing back up a day or so later and reverting to where she was or being even worse. This time she claimed it was because she just 'knew me too well' and there was too much baggage. Now we're not talking again, partially because I decided not to talk to her believing that time and distance would be the best thing to heal us, and partially because she apparently blocked me not long after.

Everyone tells me to just give up. That I should have hated her guts the moment she cheated on me the first time. That it's not going to work and I should just move on. And I'm trying to, but it's so fucking hard for me to believe any of that. We started dating when we were 15, so in a sense, I partially grew up dating her. It's really fucking hard for me to imagine a world without her. It's not something I'm happy about, but the fact is that she's kind of the only thing that ever actually made me happy. And I really, really want to believe that she's just a garbage person, and that I'll find someone a million times better than her, and that I shouldn't care. But it's so, fucking, hard to believe that and just give up.
This is brief but there's a lot more bad things and good things. Great parts about our relationship, fucked up things she's done to me, so on. But that's the gist of it. I guess I'm posting this partially out of wanting someone to convince me that things will get better and I'll find someone better, partially out of wanting to hear something that could help us that I haven't thought of already. I would really like to hear advice either way.[/QUOTE]

I'm going to add myself to that "everyone". Your biggest mistake imo, was this
[quote]And eventually I came back and proved I'd made a lot of progress.[/quote]
Not that you'd improved yourself - that's something that takes a lot of willpower to commit to and I'm really happy you have - but that in trying to qualify yourself to her, being the sociopathic person she sounds like (even with the benefit of doubt your account entails) it's just another opening for her to use to tear you down. A good, healthy, mutually beneficial relationship doesn't entail "fucked up things" one has done to the other.
And with the fact she's cheated on you (Twice?), what's to stop her doing the same again and throwing away any "progress" you think you might've made? What makes you think she hasn't done so several times beyond what you know about? What's to stop her belittling you the next time you're suicidal to the point of acting on it? Do you think she's happy for you that you're trying to sort yourself out?
Try to imagine for a moment that you hadn't said a word to one another the entire time you've known one another, but your relationship was otherwise the same. Actions speak louder than words, and her actions tell me she either doesn't care about the suffering she's caused you [I]at best[/I], and it's no stretch to say she actively seeks to add to it.

[source]

[QUOTE=billeh!;52906055]I've been going through similar emotional stuff... Idk either but go easy on yourself. Do what you want, like moment to moment. Relax

Maybe she feels the same way... how would she know how you feel? You are where you are in life.

Maybe you need a stable relationship and that may or may not appeal to the person you're seeing. By going easy on yourself, realize that you're not in such a bad situation. Either she does or she doesn't want to be in a relationship. And if she doesn't, then all you need to do is be your beautiful self for a couple weeks and then start fishin when it gets easy to talk again. Things come and go.[/QUOTE]

Thank you. Sometimes for me logic and reality gets thrown out the window and my emotions take over and try to distort everything around me. Its a bad trait to have, and the one i want to work on and get rid off. Its good to be reassured that things arent as bad as they seem

[editline]19th November 2017[/editline]

Also, since ive been with this woman, i decided to be more real with myself and her, just to be a good person. Well, the more i was real with myself, i started to become more mentally aware of my character flaws and insecurities. Not in a bad way, but in more of a sudden logical clarity of whats wrong and how i can fix it

[lordcrypto]

on tinder, if you don't move to a real physical date (or at least schedule one) within 72 hours, you've already lost

women have more choices on tinder than men do by a lot

[Mister Sandman]

[QUOTE=The golden;52905946]She did unfortunately manipulate you. The very first and probably most noteworthy is right there at the beginning where she cheated on you and yet played your heart against you and convinced you to accept her back. I remember you gave more a few more details about it on Steam and yeah... she played you like cards, unfortunately. And of course you also know she fucked me over too as someone who used to be a friend of hers. It's just what she does.

There are two forces at work here: Your brain and your heart. Your brain knows she's a scumbag and knows you should keep your distance but your heart misses the happier times and misses the company she gave you. Your brain is always more logical and intelligent than your heart will ever be (this goes for everyone) and this is one of those times you need to listen to your brain.She's never going to change and so trying to do anything with her is going to result in you getting burned again.

As for karma: I seriously doubt she'll ever have a meaningful relationship in her life. She's a lier, a cheater, a faker, and a con. People like that are constantly looking for happiness that they will never find. It's probably not the karma you're looking for but take comfort in the fact that she'll never have true happiness or fulfillment ever - even if she says she will.[/QUOTE]

I talked to her just a while ago, for maybe the last time. It was under the pretense of her shipping me the things that I had left behind.
I told her that I gave up on us. I told her that she probably had it right on the money when she said it was a 'her' problem the other night. I showed her evidence of people's opinions, not just me telling her them. How I couldn't try to fix her when she wouldn't accept help and would treat me like shit for trying. So on. And her reaction was to just go "So it was the PS3 Cords, aloe vera, and games you wanted shipped?"

I went jesus fucking christ, and then I went on a big teardown. Unlike the other times, I didn't soften. I mentioned everything fucked up about her, the way she treated me, and the way she is, and how I don't doubt it will repeat over and over because she has shown she will not change. Then she replied "I'll ship the stuff to you soon" and blocked me.
Then she went in the discord we're both in and talked about Silent Hill in the porn chat like nothing had happened. I immediately didn't accept that, wrote up a huge account of what happened, and sent it to everyone we know.

I can't make it so that she faces consequences, those will probably come down the line like you said. But I can make sure that everyone in our circle knows about it, and she'll have to live with people knowing her past sins at the very least.

[danjee]

[QUOTE=LordCrypto;52906190]on tinder, if you don't move to a real physical date (or at least schedule one) within 72 hours, you've already lost

women have more choices on tinder than men do by a lot[/QUOTE]

I just began messaging with a (great) match right before coming home for 10 days for thanksgiving

I sincerely hope I can prove you wrong

[AxeI]

[QUOTE=LordCrypto;52906190]on tinder, if you don't move to a real physical date (or at least schedule one) within 72 hours, you've already lost

women have more choices on tinder than men do by a lot[/QUOTE]
Generally once she has your actual number you're above most of her other matches, you're no longer just another Tinder profile but an actual person in her contact list. Maybe my case is special but every time I got a date it was after 72 hours, though I did get their number before then.

[Lebofly]

[QUOTE=Mister Sandman;52906352]I talked to her just a while ago, for maybe the last time. It was under the pretense of her shipping me the things that I had left behind.
I told her that I gave up on us. I told her that she probably had it right on the money when she said it was a 'her' problem the other night. I showed her evidence of people's opinions, not just me telling her them. How I couldn't try to fix her when she wouldn't accept help and would treat me like shit for trying. So on. And her reaction was to just go "So it was the PS3 Cords, aloe vera, and games you wanted shipped?"

I went jesus fucking christ, and then I went on a big teardown. Unlike the other times, I didn't soften. I mentioned everything fucked up about her, the way she treated me, and the way she is, and how I don't doubt it will repeat over and over because she has shown she will not change. Then she replied "I'll ship the stuff to you soon" and blocked me.
Then she went in the discord we're both in and talked about Silent Hill in the porn chat like nothing had happened. I immediately didn't accept that, wrote up a huge account of what happened, and sent it to everyone we know.

I can't make it so that she faces consequences, those will probably come down the line like you said. But I can make sure that everyone in our circle knows about it, and she'll have to live with people knowing her past sins at the very least.[/QUOTE]

She cheated on you and you still chased her, no offense dude but this is pretty pathetic. Be glad it's over, she can go fuck herself and continue to live in her little bubble.

[lordcrypto]

[QUOTE=Mister Sandman;52906352]I talked to her just a while ago, for maybe the last time. It was under the pretense of her shipping me the things that I had left behind.
I told her that I gave up on us. I told her that she probably had it right on the money when she said it was a 'her' problem the other night. I showed her evidence of people's opinions, not just me telling her them. How I couldn't try to fix her when she wouldn't accept help and would treat me like shit for trying. So on. And her reaction was to just go "So it was the PS3 Cords, aloe vera, and games you wanted shipped?"

I went jesus fucking christ, and then I went on a big teardown. Unlike the other times, I didn't soften. I mentioned everything fucked up about her, the way she treated me, and the way she is, and how I don't doubt it will repeat over and over because she has shown she will not change. Then she replied "I'll ship the stuff to you soon" and blocked me.
Then she went in the discord we're both in and talked about Silent Hill in the porn chat like nothing had happened. I immediately didn't accept that, wrote up a huge account of what happened, and sent it to everyone we know.

I can't make it so that she faces consequences, those will probably come down the line like you said. But I can make sure that everyone in our circle knows about it, and she'll have to live with people knowing her past sins at the very least.[/QUOTE]

she doesn't care what her friends think

you can't win, cut your losses and move on sorry

[dale_uk_scout]

Hey, shit, maybe the answers I've been looking for have always been this close to my heart.

There's this girl 'G', I've known her for a few years now, and had irregular hanging outs and conversations. We always made plans, but sometimes fell through for some reason or another on both of our parts. G once had a boyfriend who was taking advantage of her, and because of how he treated her, and cheated on her, me and a few other guys gave her guidance, to which she eventually followed, thankfully, because he ended up trying to find her address when they broke up, etc - that whole ordeal is over, but I just wanted to set the tone for what we've helped each other with.

I broke up with my girlfriend a few months ago, and I started talking to G again when I got over the break up - i kinda liked her a bit. We decided we'd hang out, we shared a J, got dinner and saw a movie - after which I told her I liked her in a more than friend way, to which she replied that she didn't feel the same way, but was cool to be friends, and between then and this past week, we fell into the routine of irregular chats.

However, she texted me this week just passed, on Tuesday, and asked when I finished work. I told her the time I finished, and she asked if I wanted to go see a movie with her. At this point, it's worth mentioning I'm broke - which I mention to her, and she says [B]she'd pay for me[/B]. In the cinema, I notice she's kind of leaning my way in her chair, but I don't make a move or anything, because I don't want to be clingy, or bust boundaries, since she already expressed disinterest in a romantic way.

However, after the movie she said she wanted me to go out on Friday night, to which I reminded her I had no money (starting to see a pattern here lmao?) to which she said [B]she'd pay for me[/B].

I met her on Fridat and we just chatted most of the night, did a bit of dancing, but her friend was with her, but she seemed to ignore quite a few people in favour of speaking to me. No moves were made, because again, what if I had gotten the wrong idea?

Thing is, I am confused. She has expressed disinterest in me, but she has paid for my nights out, when we talked she kept eye contact, body language was warm. When we text, unless she is studying, she gets back to me within the same minute. She also asked when my parents are on their holiday (meaning I'll have a free house), I told her this months ago and she remembered it. We have a bit in common, anxiety and mentally.

I am completely lost, I have had 2 serious girlfriends, a few casual encounters, but I am inept socially. Cues are not my thing, I can make people feel awkward and alienate myself, big time, and she's a hard read for me. My friends have all said these are good signs, but I don't know if they're just saying that or not, so I'm looking for an outsider's opinion.

Am I over-complicating things and seeing something that isn't there? Am I misreading good friendship for something more hopeful?

Basically, I'm stuck about telling her too, because if I'm right, and she has started to like me, and I don't tell her I'm up for it, then I've missed my chance to get to know a wonderful person romantically, but if I'm wrong, how clingy will it look if I make [I]another[/I] move in the space of a few months?

(I will be paying her back for those nights out, too. I'm broke but not a freeloader)

[Lebofly]

[QUOTE=dale_uk_scout;52907078]Hey, shit, maybe the answers I've been looking for have always been this close to my heart.

There's this girl 'G', I've known her for a few years now, and had irregular hanging outs and conversations. We always made plans, but sometimes fell through for some reason or another on both of our parts. G once had a boyfriend who was taking advantage of her, and because of how he treated her, and cheated on her, me and a few other guys gave her guidance, to which she eventually followed, thankfully, because he ended up trying to find her address when they broke up, etc - that whole ordeal is over, but I just wanted to set the tone for what we've helped each other with.

I broke up with my girlfriend a few months ago, and I started talking to G again when I got over the break up - i kinda liked her a bit. We decided we'd hang out, we shared a J, got dinner and saw a movie - after which I told her I liked her in a more than friend way, to which she replied that she didn't feel the same way, but was cool to be friends, and between then and this past week, we fell into the routine of irregular chats.

However, she texted me this week just passed, on Tuesday, and asked when I finished work. I told her the time I finished, and she asked if I wanted to go see a movie with her. At this point, it's worth mentioning I'm broke - which I mention to her, and she says [B]she'd pay for me[/B]. In the cinema, I notice she's kind of leaning my way in her chair, but I don't make a move or anything, because I don't want to be clingy, or bust boundaries, since she already expressed disinterest in a romantic way.

However, after the movie she said she wanted me to go out on Friday night, to which I reminded her I had no money (starting to see a pattern here lmao?) to which she said [B]she'd pay for me[/B].

I met her on Fridat and we just chatted most of the night, did a bit of dancing, but her friend was with her, but she seemed to ignore quite a few people in favour of speaking to me. No moves were made, because again, what if I had gotten the wrong idea?

Thing is, I am confused. She has expressed disinterest in me, but she has paid for my nights out, when we talked she kept eye contact, body language was warm. When we text, unless she is studying, she gets back to me within the same minute. She also asked when my parents are on their holiday (meaning I'll have a free house), I told her this months ago. We have a bit in common, anxiety and mentally.

I am completely lost, I have had 2 serious girlfriends, a few casual encounters, but I am inept socially. Cues are not my thing, I can make people feel awkward and alienate myself, big time, and she's a hard read for me. My friends have all said these are good signs, but I don't know if they're just saying that or not, so I'm looking for an outsider's opinion.

Am I over-complicating things and seeing something that isn't there? Am I misreading good friendship for something more hopeful?

Basically, I'm stuck about telling her too, because if I'm right, and she has started to like me, and I don't tell her I'm up for it, then I've missed my chance to get to know a wonderful person, but if I'm wrong, how clingy will it look if I make [I]another[/I] move in the space of a few months?

(I will be paying her back for those nights out, too. I'm broke but not a freeloader)[/QUOTE]

Just ask her out to dinner and see how she reacts, part of me says she's not interested because she flat out said she wasn't but the other part says maybe she's fallen for you (Or just likes your attention??). Girls are difficult like this

[billeh!]

she wants a casual relationship. I.e. She wants to be wanted. But a girl like her won't do you no good.

Nonetheless she may be a sweetheart to you, just don't expect her to change for you. She's sad inside just don't let her damage you

Uh take my advice with a grain of salt... Do what you feel is right because you'll live withthat