Super Friendly Social and Love Advice v8 - Stop spamming her with texts. - General

I matched with my ex, yeeeeeee (Fuck)

So I want to improve myself socially, however I cannot seem to fit in with any sort of circle of people. To be precise, I don't want to fit in with any sort of circle, I do think there's a specific term that's somewhat close to "independent". I hate the idea of having to compromise my personal beliefs just so I can be friends with people. A girl I used to hang out with legitimately took issue with the fact that I don't drink alcohol and don't hang out with my coworkers because they do. Given I'm underaged, but even then she was shocked that I wouldn't even think of taking up drinking when I turn 21. She even told me that soldiers who don't drink have mental issues since it's a social norm in the military. (We're both in the Army and she's a medic) Next day, she told me to not talk to her again and told me how she tried to get me "out of that shell" that I apparently had. Thinking back on that, I don't think she understood my situation. But then again, my not wanting to fit in with people is hindering my ability to be sociable. However, I just don't want to change the way that I act and think just so I can appeal to others since I'm what most people would consider to be a "good" person outside of the internet. As a result, I know only 1 person who I consider to be an actual friend since he's the only person I can truly be myself around, despite him having beliefs that contradict mine.

You don't need to start drinking to find a nice niche of people to fit in with. People who pressure you to do so or value you less because you don't are not people you want to fit in with. You can totally still hang out with people who DO drink though! [I]Most[/I] people are pretty cool with the one or two people who aren't too interested. Good people don't fuss about that sort of thing because it's so trivial and silly, imo. I didn't drink for a long time but I still found people to hang around with even if they were gonna go out to drink. I've been out with them once or twice before I did eventually find a drink or two that I enjoyed. Even then, in the last 4 years I've been legal, I've only ever done a half a shot. Try to see what connects you to other people and build off of that. Movies or good food or coffee. Just something you can kind of use as a jumping off point. You're honestly better off without that girl. She seems self-centered and childish.

[QUOTE=Glitchman;51529724]I matched with my ex, yeeeeeee (Fuck)[/QUOTE] I matched with my ex best friend. She hasn't replied.

[QUOTE=Pascall;51531579]You don't need to start drinking to find a nice niche of people to fit in with. People who pressure you to do so or value you less because you don't are not people you want to fit in with. You can totally still hang out with people who DO drink though! [I]Most[/I] people are pretty cool with the one or two people who aren't too interested. Good people don't fuss about that sort of thing because it's so trivial and silly, imo. I didn't drink for a long time but I still found people to hang around with even if they were gonna go out to drink. I've been out with them once or twice before I did eventually find a drink or two that I enjoyed. Even then, in the last 4 years I've been legal, I've only ever done a half a shot. Try to see what connects you to other people and build off of that. Movies or good food or coffee. Just something you can kind of use as a jumping off point. You're honestly better off without that girl. She seems self-centered and childish.[/QUOTE] Friends that don't drink make good DD's, and are thus a valuable asset to any drinking group.

I met my girlfriend of 5 years on habbo hotel Tinder is useless guys, go play habbo 👍 [editline]16th December 2016[/editline] [QUOTE=Psycho9182;51520630]This girl I've been dating told me she's been confused what her sexual orientation is, I want to support her but I'm hurt. [editline]12th December 2016[/editline] She tells me she really likes me, but doesn't understand what she's feeling.[/QUOTE] Sounds like a lame excuse in order to dump you, attempting to do it without hurting your feelings. Or maybe she's doing it for her so she doesn't come across like an asshole

[QUOTE=Tasm;51535158]I met my girlfriend of 5 years on habbo hotel [editline]16th December 2016[/editline] Sounds like a lame excuse in order to dump you, attempting to do it without hurting your feelings. Or maybe she's doing it for her so she doesn't come across like an asshole[/QUOTE] She's still asking to hang out, we're just not treating them like dates anymore. We've been talking about it for the week, saying she still wants to spend time with me, just doesn't know where she is feeling at the moment

I put a photo of my face up on tinder which represented some anxiety for me, not gonna lie Haven't gotten a match yet :( I've had quite a few relationships in the past but generally by sticking in my comfort zone with people. My girlfriends have often had a lot of problems - just like me. Now I'm trying to move beyond that and get out of my shell and talk to strangers and stuff and god its hard. I sort of just feel crap about myself a lot now

[QUOTE=Psycho9182;51535774]She's still asking to hang out, we're just not treating them like dates anymore. We've been talking about it for the week, saying she still wants to spend time with me, just doesn't know where she is feeling at the moment[/QUOTE] My point still stands, looks like she's trying to let you down softly but is inadvertently stringing you along. If she specifically stopped calling them dates and doesn't want go be intimate then it's a clear indication she's not interested. It's pretty surprising how many girls use the confused card, and just "don't know" instead of being blunt and admitting it. My $0.02. (sorry :\)

[QUOTE=killerteacup;51535923]I put a photo of my face up on tinder which represented some anxiety for me, not gonna lie Haven't gotten a match yet :( I've had quite a few relationships in the past but generally by sticking in my comfort zone with people. My girlfriends have often had a lot of problems - just like me. Now I'm trying to move beyond that and get out of my shell and talk to strangers and stuff and god its hard. I sort of just feel crap about myself a lot now[/QUOTE] I feel like I post about this a lot but I would say that like, AT LEAST 75% of days when I sit down and use up a full day's worth of likes, I get zero matches out of the batch. Then like 75% of those matches do not respond after I send them a message. And 100% of those who have responded have eventually ghosted, whether it's after a handful of messages exchanged, or right after the point of asking them out. Sometimes it seems futile after like 10 months of on-and-off use, but I figure if I meet one amazing person through this, it doesn't matter how many bad ones I have to wade through.

[QUOTE=Kabstrac;51537301]It's all about quality of pictures guys, I mean I don't know what your pics are like, but try and get a friend to take some good photos and I feel you will get more likes. Also try out Bumble and Badoo and OkCupid for sure. I've got a date coming up from Bumble that looks promising, and OkCupid has gotten me several dates as well despite lower username amount versus Tinder. Some people are turned off of Tinder's hookup reputation and try it those other apps, so if you're into more than wham-bam-thankyouma'am, might be worth checking those out.[/QUOTE] Yeah I have very few photos available for use so my tinder is a bit cobbled together. I seem to have gotten more matches when my tinder was just two photos of me holding cats. Now it's those two photos, one selfie and one of me and a friend being fun. That said I don't spam swipe rights so maybe that's a problem too

Had a tinder date last night that went really well, and she wants to hang out again. However, the thrill of the hunt is over so it can only go downhill from here into anxiety and self loathing. (Half joking)

guys I feel like im being pushed into being a nice guy like usually the nice guy thing is to be overly nice and caring 24/7 in the hopes of getting sex and whatever. but like, the way I was brought up is to just be nice and respectful to people overall. and me being kinda traditional with girls I like, that means treating them with respect I dont know if people just misunderstand me or genuinely take me for a nice guy. theres a girl at the moment but that kinda got screwed up considering she's the one asking me for help with stuff every day, and me being me is always there but at the same time people keep saying stop being a nice guy. WHAT DOES IT ALL MEAN. [sp]I haven't been in a relationship in two years I think I have lost touch :v:[/sp]

[QUOTE=RenegadeCop;51549000]When you spend time with someone, you grow to like them more. Whether that's being someone's help or whatever, your relationship grows after every interaction.[/QUOTE] thats what this girl kinda hinted at when we both said we liked eachother, she mentioned how since we spend so much time together I just started to grow on her. theres a shit ton more problems with that but I dont really want to mention them, but its just overall how I come across to people, mainly girls because I feel like I have lost touch

I hate being a nice guy, and I hate knowing I'm one

Does anyone date someone here who takes some sort of SSRI's? It's been about two-three months of dating between this girl and I, and it seems everything has been going fine. Recently she got approved for special needs funding along with being able to be put back on a medication she used to take. It's been a week now on the meds and she's been... distant. I have a feeling it is due to the SSRI meds she is taking, but I've been worried about her as she was [I]very[/I] communicative previously. I've been feeling empty when I don't get to spend time with her or get a good conversation and it sucks. Will it continue to be this way? I really like her and I want to support her as much as I can. I just don't want to be a pest by messaging/texting her making sure she is okay.

I really need to vent and I dont have anybody I can trust to tell this. Not even my best friend since its... so difficult from an outside perspective. I'll start at the top and keep it short. I met this girl on tinder, we really hit it off, easily the best conversations and most I have ever clicked with someone, her head is in the right place and she holds so many relatable views. We plan for a date friday, go on it, goes fantastic, also the best date I'd have ever gone on. I drop her back off at her place and we spoon on the couch for a bit and eventually make out: score! I head home, she texts me later tomorrow saying she wants to hang out but I'm busy so I made it for later so we go and watch a movie at her place. I tell my parents about her, how I'm so thrilled to find someone like her and wouldn't hesitate to have them meet her (I tell her this as well) So we watch out movie happy as can be, it finishes, she steps aside and says she has something to tell me. She's been undergoing hormone replacement since she was 13; she used to be a guy. I honestly had no clue, I've had my fair share of women and she was a girl through and through, the small cold hands, the way she carries herself, her speech, she even looked hot. No doubts in my mind. I dont know what to think, I wasnt actively searching for something like this, shes the first person I've gone out with where I felt genuinely happy and was proud to be with them. I dont know if I can live with the complications, she lived a very private life and very few people know. She plans on getting breast augmentation and sex reassignment surgery so in due time she'll be as close as you can get. And still I'm not too sure what to think. I want to be with her, but I know my heart wont be in it and the constant fear of people finding out and thinking of me differently scares me. I could really use a second opinion, but even typing this out just helps.

[QUOTE=RenegadeCop;51549064]You have to actively be one, it isn't genetic. Self-defeating attitudes don't help, though.[/QUOTE] Not genetic, but I've been brought up in such a way that makes me be one naturally I constantly try and be friendly with people and help them, but then I expect something in return, even if it's a better bond with them, it's reward enough, but there needs to be a reward, and that pisses me off because it means being an asshole

[QUOTE=RenegadeCop;51549106]That doesn't sound very friendly. Have you tried not being friendly?[/QUOTE] If I wanted to end up as a cat-lady man I would :v:

[QUOTE=Valon Kyre;51549085]I really need to vent and I dont have anybody I can trust to tell this. Not even my best friend since its... so difficult from an outside perspective. I'll start at the top and keep it short. I met this girl on tinder, we really hit it off, easily the best conversations and most I have ever clicked with someone, her head is in the right place and she holds so many relatable views. We plan for a date friday, go on it, goes fantastic, also the best date I'd have ever gone on. I drop her back off at her place and we spoon on the couch for a bit and eventually make out: score! I head home, she texts me later tomorrow saying she wants to hang out but I'm busy so I made it for later so we go and watch a movie at her place. I tell my parents about her, how I'm so thrilled to find someone like her and wouldn't hesitate to have them meet her (I tell her this as well) So we watch out movie happy as can be, it finishes, she steps aside and says she has something to tell me. She's been undergoing hormone replacement since she was 13; she used to be a guy. I honestly had no clue, I've had my fair share of women and she was a girl through and through, the small cold hands, the way she carries herself, her speech, she even looked hot. No doubts in my mind. I dont know what to think, I wasnt actively searching for something like this, shes the first person I've gone out with where I felt genuinely happy and was proud to be with them. I dont know if I can live with the complications, she lived a very private life and very few people know. She plans on getting breast augmentation and sex reassignment surgery so in due time she'll be as close as you can get. And still I'm not too sure what to think. I want to be with her, but I know my heart wont be in it and the constant fear of people finding out and thinking of me differently scares me. I could really use a second opinion, but even typing this out just helps.[/QUOTE] Imo get out while you're not fully invested. Save yourself the trouble of the incoming crazy. [editline]19th December 2016[/editline] [QUOTE=RenegadeCop;51549113]If my girlfriend of 6 years told me she used to be a guy, I'd support her 100%. It isn't the body you love, its the mind. The body plays a role in attraction, sure, but you fall in love with the mind.[/QUOTE] Yes but that's after 6 years not just meeting someone.

[QUOTE=Tasm;51549462]Yes but that's after 6 years not just meeting someone.[/QUOTE] I sorta ran into this with the person I am dating. After a month of dating, she came out and said she's been feeling like she is non-binary, a little bit of male and female. Like I fucking care? She is still the same person I met a month ago and there is no enforcement on a pronoun change or a name change or anything. Even if she did want that, I told her I would support her change 100%.

[QUOTE=Valon Kyre;51549085]I really need to vent and I dont have anybody I can trust to tell this. Not even my best friend since its... so difficult from an outside perspective. I'll start at the top and keep it short. I met this girl on tinder, we really hit it off, easily the best conversations and most I have ever clicked with someone, her head is in the right place and she holds so many relatable views. We plan for a date friday, go on it, goes fantastic, also the best date I'd have ever gone on. I drop her back off at her place and we spoon on the couch for a bit and eventually make out: score! I head home, she texts me later tomorrow saying she wants to hang out but I'm busy so I made it for later so we go and watch a movie at her place. I tell my parents about her, how I'm so thrilled to find someone like her and wouldn't hesitate to have them meet her (I tell her this as well) So we watch out movie happy as can be, it finishes, she steps aside and says she has something to tell me. She's been undergoing hormone replacement since she was 13; she used to be a guy. I honestly had no clue, I've had my fair share of women and she was a girl through and through, the small cold hands, the way she carries herself, her speech, she even looked hot. No doubts in my mind. I dont know what to think, I wasnt actively searching for something like this, shes the first person I've gone out with where I felt genuinely happy and was proud to be with them. I dont know if I can live with the complications, she lived a very private life and very few people know. She plans on getting breast augmentation and sex reassignment surgery so in due time she'll be as close as you can get. And still I'm not too sure what to think. I want to be with her, but I know my heart wont be in it and the constant fear of people finding out and thinking of me differently scares me. I could really use a second opinion, but even typing this out just helps.[/QUOTE] People won't give you shit for dating someone transexual or transgendered. They'll give you shit for not owning it. People worth your respect, anyway. I expected everyone to look down on me when I first started opening up about my experiences with a transgendered ex of mine, but no one has judged me for it. Even my father was fine with it, and he's usually a huge bully when it comes to my sexual and romantic ability. Regardless of all of that, are the people who would look down on you for your choice in romantic/sexual partners really the type of people you want to impress?

[QUOTE=BackSapper;51549033]Does anyone date someone here who takes some sort of SSRI's? It's been about two-three months of dating between this girl and I, and it seems everything has been going fine. Recently she got approved for special needs funding along with being able to be put back on a medication she used to take. It's been a week now on the meds and she's been... distant. I have a feeling it is due to the SSRI meds she is taking, but I've been worried about her as she was [I]very[/I] communicative previously. I've been feeling empty when I don't get to spend time with her or get a good conversation and it sucks. Will it continue to be this way? I really like her and I want to support her as much as I can. I just don't want to be a pest by messaging/texting her making sure she is okay.[/QUOTE] I haven't, however there is a sort of breaking in period for SSRIs. Thing is, depending on how long it's been since she's been on them, she might need to have the dose adjusted or switched medication totally. Say she's taken Ciraplex 4 years ago for 8 months, brain chemistry and needs might have changed since then, so she might need to be taken off. I'd watch for now, and bring it up (so she can bring it up to her GP) if it continues (or if you notice other symptoms).

[QUOTE=BackSapper;51549496]I sorta ran into this with the person I am dating. After a month of dating, she came out and said she's been feeling like she is non-binary, a little bit of male and female. Like I fucking care? She is still the same person I met a month ago and there is no enforcement on a pronoun change or a name change or anything. Even if she did want that, I told her I would support her change 100%.[/QUOTE] Still different, I'm not talking pronouns, girl in question still has male genitalia and what not. It's hard if you're a straight dude and you're just not attracted to cocks, and girl you go on a date with tells you she actually has one.

Foreign penises being a turnoff is an acceptable argument.

So, I thought I'd post this story for anyone else who might be going through similar stuff. So I met my bestfriend back in March, and long story short she's the best friend I've ever had. I've never had a friend close as her, let alone that friend being a girl. But, over the past few months I've been struggling with what I thought were feelings for her - and this would always manifest when she would go out on a date with some other guy. And I thought it was because I really like her. After about 6 hours on Blahtherapy talking to one person (we talked the other night for about 2 hours, came to one conclusion that I should tell her how I feel) and actually ended up talking again tonight by pure chance - which let me get a lot more out (we talked for about 4 hours today). And I realized something in all this. I love her. And she loves me. We both know that, we both tell each other that. So it was never about my feelings for her, it was that I was afraid of losing her, of being replaced. After spending a decent amount of time talking about her and my relationship with her that's when I realized that. I have the most fulfilling and amazing friendship on the planet - we both unconditionally trust and love the other - and it that doesn't need to be romantic love. It was my anxiety, and that I was afraid these other guys were going to basically replace me. But I truly realize now that they won't, they can't. I occupy a place for my best friend that no one else can. It wasn't that I love her (I mean I do love her, just not romantically), I was just always afraid of getting tossed to the side, it was anxiety - I would say in part due to my history with being bullied and tossed aside by friends back in middle school. I hope my story helps anyone else going through something similar.

Alright I need a hand guys. So, today was my 21st birthday. Being me I expected to do absolutely nothing but my coworkers took me out and we played pinball and went to Dairy Queen, it was fun. I didn't talk much, but it was fun. But then I did something stupid and asked one of the girls who was closing that night for her number. I don't know why I did that, I mean she was super cute and I'd love to get to know her and everything but just, I guess I wanted to do SOMETHING particularly noteworthy for this day. So she says "Oh, well uhm, I have a boyfriend, but sure", grabs some receipt paper, and jots down a number. She mentioned when we were ordering she'd worked there for 3 years, and the place was across the street from a bar, so I wouldnt be surprised if she was just really good at making up numbers. But then couldn't she have just said "I have a boyfriend" and that'd be it? I feel like the same logic could say she's good at saying "no bye". I don't really understand why she gave me her number, and I don't know what to do with it next. My co-workers were saying I should go for it and she may be interested in me, even though she has a boyfriend, but I can't wrap my head around that - isn't asking out a girl who has a boyfriend, I dunno, not a good thing to do? Like, SHOULD I be asking her to see a movie or something?? Or should I just leave her alone? Im TOTALLY out of comfort zone and I have no idea what to do with this. I could really use some help, I'm stressing a bit :(

Idk I mean. You can just. Talk to her. Just hold onto the number in case you need a shift exchange or something. She probably wasn't too sure what to do in that situation either. If it's not a fake number though it's not like it's a huge deal that you have it. But don't be asking her out if she has a boyfriend. Common sense.

[QUOTE=riku2211;51566389]Alright I need a hand guys. So, today was my 21st birthday. Being me I expected to do absolutely nothing but my coworkers took me out and we played pinball and went to Dairy Queen, it was fun. I didn't talk much, but it was fun. But then I did something stupid and asked one of the girls who was closing that night for her number. I don't know why I did that, I mean she was super cute and I'd love to get to know her and everything but just, I guess I wanted to do SOMETHING particularly noteworthy for this day. So she says "Oh, well uhm, I have a boyfriend, but sure", grabs some receipt paper, and jots down a number. She mentioned when we were ordering she'd worked there for 3 years, and the place was across the street from a bar, so I wouldnt be surprised if she was just really good at making up numbers. But then couldn't she have just said "I have a boyfriend" and that'd be it? I feel like the same logic could say she's good at saying "no bye". I don't really understand why she gave me her number, and I don't know what to do with it next. My co-workers were saying I should go for it and she may be interested in me, even though she has a boyfriend, but I can't wrap my head around that - isn't asking out a girl who has a boyfriend, I dunno, not a good thing to do? Like, SHOULD I be asking her to see a movie or something?? Or should I just leave her alone? Im TOTALLY out of comfort zone and I have no idea what to do with this. I could really use some help, I'm stressing a bit :([/QUOTE] When I don't know how to approach talking to someone I tell myself that I'm probably not going to get anywhere with them and I have fun with messaging them. For me specifically I rant about problems in the nuclear industry or I explain something really technical in detail just to see if they'll listen. Most recent example was me explaining the frequency range of human speech and how you can filter out other noises in audio recordings. If you talk about nothing important or too personal (hows life/so you work at the DQ/ect) then you dont have to worry about intentionally interfering with someones life. If they feel comfortable around you they will share more and it just rolls from there.

[QUOTE=riku2211;51566389]Alright I need a hand guys. So, today was my 21st birthday. Being me I expected to do absolutely nothing but my coworkers took me out and we played pinball and went to Dairy Queen, it was fun. I didn't talk much, but it was fun. But then I did something stupid and asked one of the girls who was closing that night for her number. I don't know why I did that, I mean she was super cute and I'd love to get to know her and everything but just, I guess I wanted to do SOMETHING particularly noteworthy for this day. So she says "Oh, well uhm, I have a boyfriend, but sure", grabs some receipt paper, and jots down a number. She mentioned when we were ordering she'd worked there for 3 years, and the place was across the street from a bar, so I wouldnt be surprised if she was just really good at making up numbers. But then couldn't she have just said "I have a boyfriend" and that'd be it? I feel like the same logic could say she's good at saying "no bye". I don't really understand why she gave me her number, and I don't know what to do with it next. My co-workers were saying I should go for it and she may be interested in me, even though she has a boyfriend, but I can't wrap my head around that - isn't asking out a girl who has a boyfriend, I dunno, not a good thing to do? Like, SHOULD I be asking her to see a movie or something?? Or should I just leave her alone? Im TOTALLY out of comfort zone and I have no idea what to do with this. I could really use some help, I'm stressing a bit :([/QUOTE] Absolutely do not go on what you will think is a date, she will think is a hang out with her. Boyfriend will be pissed. I wouldn't even keep the number, if you text her for a shift change it might get weird.