Super Friendly Social and Love Advice v8 - Stop spamming her with texts. - General

[QUOTE=OzzyCockroach;51590323]is this a long-distance type thing? why not just ask if she wants to hang out or just be upfront and say a date.[/QUOTE] not a long distance thing. The thing is she kinda hinted she wants serious relationship so I kinda played in her hands (even though I am not really looking into anything too serious). Then she said she doesn't want any relationship because of the school and other reasons. Basically the more I think about it, the less sense it makes into me even thinking I could make it into something with her. Bizzare. I basically have to find other things to do and take my mind completely away from her, it worked out great for a while until she started to write me in the middle of a night >.>. I guess I can give it another try. EDIT: But ye I tried asking her out before she told me "just friends" and even after, you know, I still kinda wanted to hang out with her, even as just friends lol because I was bored as fuck but she wrote me this text tthat she things I am still trying to get her on a date or whatever.

Heyo, weird question: can ya'll recommend any good books for improving my social skills? I'm not looking to pick up chicks; I just want to better understand how to properly establish trust and influence, and how to make the best possible first impression, so that I can better succeed at establishing myself as a trusted professional. I reckon that charisma is just like any other skillset: study and practice helps it grow. I'm not anti-social, I'm just a bit socially clumsy.

you know what sucks. When you lie to your friend on something completely insignificant in elementary during third grade. Followed by that "Friend" telling everyone you can never keep a secret. So pretty much everyone around here has the false impression that i can't keep a lie or secret.

[QUOTE=Big Dumb American;51591477]Heyo, weird question: can ya'll recommend any good books for improving my social skills? I'm not looking to pick up chicks; I just want to better understand how to properly establish trust and influence, and how to make the best possible first impression, so that I can better succeed at establishing myself as a trusted professional. I reckon that charisma is just like any other skillset: study and practice helps it grow. I'm not anti-social, I'm just a bit socially clumsy.[/QUOTE] The Definitive Book of Body Language springs to mind, it basically helps you understand that your body language can have a significant impact on social and professional situations without you even realising it. For example, I used to cross my arms a lot which is apparently a big no no, because it makes you appear less friendly and approachable, so now I never do it. I'd take the book with a grain of salt though. And it will make you a bit more self-conscious of your body language after reading it, but ultimately I'd suggest its worth reading. [URL="http://www.yashada.org/yashttt/static_pgs/Allan_and_Barbara_Pease_-_Body_Language_The_Definitive_Book.pdf"]PDF Link[/URL]

[Cross post from the confession thread, I thought it would also be relevant in here too] I am in a tough situation. I think I have a toxic friendship. Or another way to put it is I know I have a toxic friendship and I'm just trying to grasp straws and make myself believe that everything is alright. This is my best friend. Let me paint a vivid picture of one person, I am ordering this whole thing by what I am thinking so if there is no structure I am sorry, these are just my thoughts as I think them. One moment it is completely happy and I'm having fun and then the next moment it switches. When they are angry they take out their anger on me by treating me like crap for no reason. It is not teasing if your jokes literally sound like insults. They arent funny at all. It's all about their hobbies and when I bring up mine it's either responded with unattentiveness, or they don't give a shit or don't care. If I dont wanna hang with them, then I am either lazy or a bad friend or boring and then get guilt tripped. No respect for what I wanna do by myself I am just lazy no argument. I must drop everything to hang out with them or I am all the insults above. I usually don't give in to the guilt tripping. There's no respect for my decisions. They think they know what is best for me and refuse to let me go and operate at my own speed claiming that I am in the wrong and they are always right despite even considering my viewpoint. When I stop trying I am a shitty person and when I try a lot it is never enough. When I point out clear hypocrisy and flaws in their argument, instant subject change, and they are stubborn and never want to bring up the hypocrisy. They are never generous and always want their way. When there are plans to chill with other friends it must be immediately stopped and delayed or some other thing to suite their time only. They are a control freak and I usually don't get a say in the situation, and as a result I never pipe up and say something. It always must be their way or nothing else. Almost positive they're insecure by the constant validation seeking behavior such as feening for likes on Facebook or compliments from others and obsession with wanting to get expensive top shelf name brand clothes. Isn't 12 pairs of shoes enough? Constantly looking in the mirror as well too. Mean to younger siblings often and doesn't know how to treat pets right, the two cats they pick up like rag dolls and hold with out any consideration to how they might be feeling. It is their needs desires and tasks that must be fulfilled and accomplished no matter the concern of me or others. They are often impolite when they take their anger out on me. Talks and flirts with so many girls and fucks with their emotions almost on the regular. Same to me as well sometimes. Talks so much shit to people behind their backs I am paranoid I am also getting shittalked. Always changes plans constantly and can never come to a decision. Everything must be halted before they can make their decision. I dread seeing them and leave emotionally drained. I have more fun hanging out with less close friends. wow After I typed this and read it all out, I realized how fucking emotionally tough I have been through this bullshit. I have no anxiety or depression for what ive noticed and i dont feel a heightening in the negative feelings we all usually experience every now or then. I usually get over it the next day and the cycle repeats. I started seeing all of this shit a year and a half ago. I always wonder how one person can change so much. Worst part is almost no one can see through their fakeness but me due to the duration of this friendship. I'm going to try to slog through this bullshit for 3 or 6 more months so when I graduate, I can cut all contact and copy paste this shit on a word document or something and make them read it all out.

You don't have to endure this kind of crap.

[QUOTE=mogofevilis;51592549]You don't have to endure this kind of crap.[/QUOTE] Ya, that did cross my mind at one point usually the weed helps numb all of the pain

bro why are you still bothering with someone shit like that you deserve better friendships and you should go out and seek them

I'd like some advice I met this girl about a month ago (I'm not in love with her, nor trying to score that puss or anything) We became good friends to the point of her trusting me with some secret stuff like who she loves and shit (she isn't the smartest or most mature, she is 16) then two days ago we were supposed to meet with a friend of ours but he couldn't come. she decided to cancel the whole thing, and when confronted about that she replied "because you like me and I'm uncomfortable". I don't think you can be friends with someone who makes you uncomfortable, dont you? and after I made my intentions clear she still wouldn't budge, I asked if I could know why and if I could help, but she told me it wasn't my business So, my idea was to cut her from my life, but unless you guys have a better idea

Said it yourself. She isn't the most mature, and you have expressed zero interest in her, which, if I've understood this correctly, she's made up in her mind you do. Nothing lost, mate.

[QUOTE=SebiWarrior;51592662]I'd like some advice I met this girl about a month ago (I'm not in love with her, nor trying to score that puss or anything) We became good friends to the point of her trusting me with some secret stuff like who she loves and shit (she isn't the smartest or most mature, she is 16) then two days ago we were supposed to meet with a friend of ours but he couldn't come. she decided to cancel the whole thing, and when confronted about that she replied "because you like me and I'm uncomfortable". I don't think you can be friends with someone who makes you uncomfortable, dont you? and after I made my intentions clear she still wouldn't budge, I asked if I could know why and if I could help, but she told me it wasn't my business So, my idea was to cut her from my life, but unless you guys have a better idea[/QUOTE] If I'd tell someone I'm not interested in them and they can't deal with that, then It'd make me feel like they can't respect my decisions. And I don't want to be friends, or hell, even be in a relationship with a person like that.

[QUOTE=Darth Ninja;51591930]The Definitive Book of Body Language springs to mind, it basically helps you understand that your body language can have a significant impact on social and professional situations without you even realising it. For example, I used to cross my arms a lot which is apparently a big no no, because it makes you appear less friendly and approachable, so now I never do it. I'd take the book with a grain of salt though. And it will make you a bit more self-conscious of your body language after reading it, but ultimately I'd suggest its worth reading. [URL="http://www.yashada.org/yashttt/static_pgs/Allan_and_Barbara_Pease_-_Body_Language_The_Definitive_Book.pdf"]PDF Link[/URL][/QUOTE] Good to keep in mind that certain gestures have different meanings in other context. For example, crossing your arms can also mean that you're devoting your full attention to the person talking to you, as you're keeping your hands from fiddling around. These kinds of books are a good read, but as you said, better take the advice they give with a grain of salt, lest you want to put too much attention to the slightest gesture others are making and focusing too much on your own, in turn making your gestures feel artificial and awkward. And that's worse than not "fully understanding" body language of others. You learn as you go and not everyone is gonna like you nor trust you regardless of how good of a first impression you make.

[QUOTE=hakimhakim;51586954]In my book, if they're not married/engaged, then they're not taken[/QUOTE] honestly this is wickedplayer levels of stupidity

[QUOTE=Fancy Godgineer;51593132]Good to keep in mind that certain gestures have different meanings in other context. For example, crossing your arms can also mean that you're devoting your full attention to the person talking to you, as you're keeping your hands from fiddling around. These kinds of books are a good read, but as you said, better take the advice they give with a grain of salt, lest you want to put too much attention to the slightest gesture others are making and focusing too much on your own, in turn making your gestures feel artificial and awkward. And that's worse than not "fully understanding" body language of others. You learn as you go and not everyone is gonna like you nor trust you regardless of how good of a first impression you make.[/QUOTE] I started reading a book called The Charisma Myth (as in the myth that charisma is a natural trait rather than a learned skill) shortly after posting that last night, and it touched on what you're saying here. So much of your body language is automatic and subconscious that it's effectively impossible to consciously present all the right signals at all the right times. A brief, subconscious twitch of the muscles around your eyes or your mouth, for example, can betray how you're actually feeling if you're not comfortable in a conversation. Such mivroexpressions can be detected in by somebody you're speaking to in as short as 17ms. The book argues that, while learning and practicing some obvious forms of positive body language is definitely a worthwhile endeavor, the bigger impact on nonverbal communication will come in learning how to recognize and manage your emotional reactions first. Head it off at the source, basically. It's an interesting read, at least! I learned a neat quote from Lao Tzu, too: "To know others is intelligence; To know the self is wisdom. To control others is strength; To control the self is power."

[QUOTE=SebiWarrior;51592662]I'd like some advice I met this girl about a month ago (I'm not in love with her, nor trying to score that puss or anything) We became good friends to the point of her trusting me with some secret stuff like who she loves and shit (she isn't the smartest or most mature, she is 16) then two days ago we were supposed to meet with a friend of ours but he couldn't come. she decided to cancel the whole thing, and when confronted about that she replied "because you like me and I'm uncomfortable". I don't think you can be friends with someone who makes you uncomfortable, dont you? and after I made my intentions clear she still wouldn't budge, I asked if I could know why and if I could help, but she told me it wasn't my business So, my idea was to cut her from my life, but unless you guys have a better idea[/QUOTE] Doesn't seem like someone that really appreciates you so it might be for the best to cut it out; unless you think/feel otherwise

[QUOTE=Big Dumb American;51593902]I started reading a book called The Charisma Myth (as in the myth that charisma is a natural trait rather than a learned skill) shortly after posting that last night, and it touched on what you're saying here. So much of your body language is automatic and subconscious that it's effectively impossible to consciously present all the right signals at all the right times. A brief, subconscious twitch of the muscles around your eyes or your mouth, for example, can betray how you're actually feeling if you're not comfortable in a conversation. Such mivroexpressions can be detected in by somebody you're speaking to in as short as 17ms. The book argues that, while learning and practicing some obvious forms of positive body language is definitely a worthwhile endeavor, the bigger impact on nonverbal communication will come in learning how to recognize and manage your emotional reactions first. Head it off at the source, basically. It's an interesting read, at least! I learned a neat quote from Lao Tzu, too: "To know others is intelligence; To know the self is wisdom. To control others is strength; To control the self is power."[/QUOTE] Wouldn't the ability to control others be power, and the ability to control yourself strength? That's how it seems to me.

Ask Lao Tzu, not me! [editline]28th December 2016[/editline] Although I think he means it in the sense that controlling others through brute force requires only brute strength, whereas fully understanding yourself gives you the power to accomplish more? [editline]28th December 2016[/editline] “Knowing others is intelligence; knowing yourself is true wisdom. Mastering others is strength; mastering yourself is true power.” Found this slightly differently worded version and it makes more sense. Thanks, Lao Tzu! [editline]28th December 2016[/editline] I had a hamster named Lao Tzu.

I guess it makes sense in that context. Not that it matters much either way.

my post towards the end of page 19 will explain it, but i think we are not friends anymore. he was my best friend for 5 years but friendships dont last when all i start to see purely are flaws, bad intentions and such. he said i never try at all because i never call him or want to hangout unless he calls me, but he never thinks that maybe i just dont like him as a person and never thinks of the possibility that it could be his additude and behaviors towards me that make me not want to call. they say losing a long time friend is worse than going through a break up, but i dont feel shit. all i really worry is finding a replacement friend and worrying about my friends who are also friends with him. i came to the conclusion high yesterday that i should just move on with my life and give a shit about myself and better friends who surround me. i know my friend was just an insecure unhappy person on the inside who even though can hide it well, they still project it outwards towards people and make it their goal to make others close to them unhappy. it kills an unhappy person on the inside to see someone who is genuinely happy with their life.

[QUOTE=Darth Ninja;51591930]The Definitive Book of Body Language springs to mind, it basically helps you understand that your body language can have a significant impact on social and professional situations without you even realising it. For example, I used to cross my arms a lot which is apparently a big no no, because it makes you appear less friendly and approachable, so now I never do it. I'd take the book with a grain of salt though. And it will make you a bit more self-conscious of your body language after reading it, but ultimately I'd suggest its worth reading. [URL="http://www.yashada.org/yashttt/static_pgs/Allan_and_Barbara_Pease_-_Body_Language_The_Definitive_Book.pdf"]PDF Link[/URL][/QUOTE] now i know why im weirdly attracted to david bowie even though i think he's kinda weird lookin

So I matched with this girl and right off the bat she said "You know what you live too far away from me anyway..." and unmatched while I was typing. The distance was 12 miles. Also, off-topic, I just noticed I have 2,010 posts and I joined in 2010.

So got myself in a bit of an odd predicament here. There's this girl I want to go out with and normally it'd be just a simple thing to ask her out but the problem lies in that she's one of the managers at my work (not the same department though). I think it's pretty obvious that we're into each-other considering we're flirting on a daily basis and my plan was just to wait it out to let her make the first move. I don't want to create any problems at work understandably so I don't want to misinterpret anything and have my job suffer for it in some way. Basically I'm kinda worried that my waiting strategy might make it seem like I'm not interested, so I wanted to try and hint at it by having us as friends on Facebook or something of that manner. Something not too personal. This seem like an alright approach?

[QUOTE=Destroyox;51605722]So got myself in a bit of an odd predicament here. There's this girl I want to go out with and normally it'd be just a simple thing to ask her out but the problem lies in that she's one of the managers at my work (not the same department though). I think it's pretty obvious that we're into each-other considering we're flirting on a daily basis and my plan was just to wait it out to let her make the first move. I don't want to create any problems at work understandably so I don't want to misinterpret anything and have my job suffer for it in some way. Basically I'm kinda worried that my waiting strategy might make it seem like I'm not interested, so I wanted to try and hint at it by having us as friends on Facebook or something of that manner. Something not too personal. This seem like an alright approach?[/QUOTE] As somebody in same thread (3 editions before) said: Don't shit where you eat. (just no) but if you're 100% absolutely sure shes into you then you should go for it. What makes you think " I think it's pretty obvious that we're into each-other " ??

[QUOTE=Destroyox;51605722]So got myself in a bit of an odd predicament here. There's this girl I want to go out with and normally it'd be just a simple thing to ask her out but the problem lies in that she's one of the managers at my work (not the same department though). I think it's pretty obvious that we're into each-other considering we're flirting on a daily basis and my plan was just to wait it out to let her make the first move. I don't want to create any problems at work understandably so I don't want to misinterpret anything and have my job suffer for it in some way. Basically I'm kinda worried that my waiting strategy might make it seem like I'm not interested, so I wanted to try and hint at it by having us as friends on Facebook or something of that manner. Something not too personal. This seem like an alright approach?[/QUOTE] I think the question you have to honestly answer is could you both continue to work together either if you're misreading it or if further on into the future it ends badly. It'd be a big risk so I'd be very careful.

[QUOTE=arleitiss;51606790]What makes you think " I think it's pretty obvious that we're into each-other " ??[/QUOTE] We constantly flirt with each-other. Like she called me lover like once or twice and we constantly tease/joke around and laugh at every joke. I mean I've never had someone be so openly flirtatious to me and it all seems like generic normal flirting. [QUOTE=NeonpieDFTBA;51606929]I think the question you have to honestly answer is could you both continue to work together either if you're misreading it or if further on into the future it ends badly. It'd be a big risk so I'd be very careful.[/QUOTE] Yeah I am being very careful. But I used to ask people to be friends on Facebook all the time so I just gotta remember the normal way I phrase it. Trust me I'm not asking her out any time soon. As for us working at the same place whilst dating; I don't think there would be any issues. I've looked through the company policy and there's nothing forbidding it and honestly the only things I know for sure that she does involving my department is taking our sales numbers as well as accepting manager calls sometimes. Combine it with the fact that I don't and will never ask for favors and it should work perfectly fine, we'd barely even see each-other at work.

hey guys happy new year btw I know there's another thread for this but this thread has always felt like its own small community and I genuinely don't know if I'd bother coming on FP if it wasn't for the upstanding regulars in this thread - you guys warm my heart :)

I met this girl I really like about 3 weeks ago and we've been texting each other ever since. I just don't know how to approach her for a date really since I'm awkward with these kinds of things. Thing is she's quite awkward too [but in a cute way for me]. Any advice?

I'm awkward as shit too, but owning it and using it as a source of humour has worked surprisingly well for me. It also loosens me up in otherwise uncomfortable social situations in general. It's kinda like the opposite of a self-fulfilling prophecy; stating "hiya buddy I'm an awkward POS" in genuine jest makes me less awkward with new people.

While I was at uni my parents moved house to somewhere hours away from the town I'd grown up in. When I graduated uni and moved back there I realised that the friends I'd made at uni all lived far away from each other and aside from the odd specific meet up that has taken effort to organise, we won't really see much of each other anymore. I got a job, it's about an hours drive from where I live. I'm the youngest there and because I'm new I don't really feel all that confident anyway, so I'm not really making 'friends', just workmates. I guess I am just really lonely. I don't know anyone who is less than a 2 drive from where I live. How do you meet new people when you don't know anyone? A few of my uni friends have suggested that I try dating apps such as Tinder - partly because they all think it's about time I got myself a girlfriend (I'm 22 and have NEVER really been interested in such things), but also because apparently it's a good way to meet and talk to people. Is there much truth to that? Does anyone have any suggestions on how to make new friends? I've always managed through school or uni, but now that they're all over and done with I just feel really isolated and alone.

[QUOTE=ChaosUnleash;51610117]While I was at uni my parents moved house to somewhere hours away from the town I'd grown up in. When I graduated uni and moved back there I realised that the friends I'd made at uni all lived far away from each other and aside from the odd specific meet up that has taken effort to organise, we won't really see much of each other anymore. I got a job, it's about an hours drive from where I live. I'm the youngest there and because I'm new I don't really feel all that confident anyway, so I'm not really making 'friends', just workmates. I guess I am just really lonely. I don't know anyone who is less than a 2 drive from where I live. How do you meet new people when you don't know anyone? A few of my uni friends have suggested that I try dating apps such as Tinder - partly because they all think it's about time I got myself a girlfriend (I'm 22 and have NEVER really been interested in such things), but also because apparently it's a good way to meet and talk to people. Is there much truth to that? Does anyone have any suggestions on how to make new friends? I've always managed through school or uni, but now that they're all over and done with I just feel really isolated and alone.[/QUOTE] Tinder is good for hookups and sometimes people can meet on there but getting a girlfriend isn't a good long-term solution for social isolation, it just makes it conditional on you still having that girlfriend Do you live in a particularly large area? Meetup.com is a good website that organises local community groups and suchlike. My psych put me into it so that I could put myself out there socially