Super Friendly Social and Love Advice v8 - Stop spamming her with texts. - General

[QUOTE=SebiWarrior;51661600]I'm not in uni yet, that's worries me because if I can't keep up with the school rhythm I won't make it Truth is I don't focus enough on what happens and instead gauge the generics: I could tell you all about the fascist-nazist economical strategy I studied yesterday, but I can't tell you what institutions they created in order to fulfill that plan I used to write things down but after noticing that it barely made a difference I stopped, now I'm not so sure anymore [editline]13th January 2017[/editline] I also feel like I should add something I'm ashamed of: I always have the entire afternoon free, but I always waste 2-3 hours away doing literally nothing instead of studying I just can't find the motivation to care about my future, it's like I don't care if I make it through anything in life[/QUOTE] Low ability to focus and apathy, plus fatalist views... Mmm, check yourself up, that is common in depression. And if that is the case, the problem is not yourself, the problem is being short on a certain molecule: You don't have low potential and with your world falling apart around you, you are just not acting at your full potential and you are seeing things worse than they seem because the reward system of your brain needs a resupply. (Well, that's my coping mechanism, and between that and unwinding with friends and family from time to time, it has worked when needed; my personal experience) For studying, well, if you are depressed it is very hard due to how hard it is to focus or to motivate yourself, but, in any case, I am a teacher or at least try to be one, so I can try to give you a hand: -From an strategical viewpoint, you need to be aware of what is your exam going to be evaluated for. You need to know what are you to be expected to put in the paper, but, you shouldn't go and memorize contents just to vomit them in the exam. Study at your own pace, get the contents in your mind, and then figure out a way to place them in the exam so it satisfies your evaluator. That way, you don't have to relearn stuff every time you change teachers, you have a base to build upon, and to base your answers on. Know stuff, don't memorize stuff. -For sciences, play around with things. Be curious and try to understand stuff from other angles, as they tend to end up as logical, as "clicking together" (however, there is this tendency to not give pieces of the puzzle, and just expect students to memorize stuff as dogma, without bothering to explain why's.) Science is a matter of finding out answers, so, try to be curious. If something strikes you as useless, try to find out their applications. -For history and the like, they are usually based, again, on fucking memorization, of people and dates Ad Nauseum. If having trouble, try to reverse the usual procedure: Focus on the deeds of a person, or the events that happened in a year, and then give them a name. That way, you get plenty of content to spice up with names and dates, rather than just names and dates that end up ringing hollow.

[QUOTE=OzzyCockroach;51661829]Guys, a friend of mine is in a relationship and she feels stuck, she doesn't like him anymore and she's not happy, at the same time she's worried about breaking up with this person because of his insecurities and depression, as well as recently there being drama with friends, who now all hate him apparently. He wont be completely alone but she's probably the bridge between him and a few friends right now. I don't think it's right for her to stay in that relationship, even if her heart is in the right place about not wanting to hurt him. What kind of advice can I give her? Honestly as much as I'd love to tell her "just get it over with and move on", she's not going to listen[/QUOTE] i trust you know not to give unsolicited advice unless you're close or this comes up casually a lot, so that's all i'll say on that front what i know she shouldn't do is let the relationship deteriorate to let him down slowly, instead of being honest and upfront about it. that's always a mess, and i think this is bound to happen naturally if she's dating him out of pity. staying in a relationship like this, i feel, isn't healthy for either of them. [editline]13th January 2017[/editline] even in the extremely unlikely scenario where he uses her as a crutch, learns to deal with his problems and comes out of it a better person, that's still a shitty few months she's putting herself through, out of a false ([I]in my opinion[/I], with the limited amount of info i have) sense of responsibility the more realistic possibility here is that, if he does rely on her for any extended period of time, he'll be even less prepared to overcome his personal issues once the relationship is over

[QUOTE=OzzyCockroach;51661829]Guys, a friend of mine is in a relationship and she feels stuck, she doesn't like him anymore and she's not happy, at the same time she's worried about breaking up with this person because of his insecurities and depression, as well as recently there being drama with friends, who now all hate him apparently. He wont be completely alone but she's probably the bridge between him and a few friends right now. I don't think it's right for her to stay in that relationship, even if her heart is in the right place about not wanting to hurt him. What kind of advice can I give her? Honestly as much as I'd love to tell her "just get it over with and move on", she's not going to listen[/QUOTE] Are you trying to get with her?

[QUOTE=OzzyCockroach;51661829]Guys, a friend of mine is in a relationship and she feels stuck, she doesn't like him anymore and she's not happy, at the same time she's worried about breaking up with this person because of his insecurities and depression, as well as recently there being drama with friends, who now all hate him apparently. He wont be completely alone but she's probably the bridge between him and a few friends right now. I don't think it's right for her to stay in that relationship, even if her heart is in the right place about not wanting to hurt him. What kind of advice can I give her? Honestly as much as I'd love to tell her "just get it over with and move on", she's not going to listen[/QUOTE] Although it looks bad to leave someone in a time of crisis, the time they become a drag on yourself to the point where you are unhappy and feeling trapped by them is the time to leave. If she does not like him in any capacity at all anymore, lying to him can only hurt him more. Don't sacrifice your quality of life for someone you don't care about whose issues you have no hope of influencing positively.

[QUOTE=OzzyCockroach;51661829]Guys, a friend of mine is in a relationship and she feels stuck, she doesn't like him anymore and she's not happy, at the same time she's worried about breaking up with this person because of his insecurities and depression, as well as recently there being drama with friends, who now all hate him apparently. He wont be completely alone but she's probably the bridge between him and a few friends right now. I don't think it's right for her to stay in that relationship, even if her heart is in the right place about not wanting to hurt him. What kind of advice can I give her? Honestly as much as I'd love to tell her "just get it over with and move on", she's not going to listen[/QUOTE] Fuck, that's dead on what I'm going through with this girl I know at work, but [QUOTE=cis.joshb;51663354]Are you trying to get with her?[/QUOTE] My answer to that is Yes, in my case; I'm attracted to her and I feel a lot of affection for her, even though I try to be a good person and not interfere with the relationship, and that's a really complicated and weird feeling to process. Not sure how you feel about the girl in question but that seems relevant to the situation. But yeah I too would like some insight on this. :mystery:

So I got tinder about a week ago and so far I've had 4 matches. It feels strange trying to have deep conversations with people you have never met before over text. Once I've gotten to know someone a little bit I want to meet them in person so I ask them out for coffee but they seem to think that it's a code word for sex or something because they immediately stop writing. Another thing I have a problem with is how often I should write with my matches. I personally don't like to text a lot so I write maybe once every other day or so and when I feel like I'm the only one that's leading the conversation I stop writing to let them take some charge, which only one person has done so far. Am I writing to little and should I lead the conversation 100%? what do you guys think?

[QUOTE=Qwerty Bastard;51664343]My answer to that is Yes, in my case; I'm attracted to her and I feel a lot of affection for her, even though I try to be a good person and not interfere with the relationship, and that's a really complicated and weird feeling to process. Not sure how you feel about the girl in question but that seems relevant to the situation. But yeah I too would like some insight on this. :mystery:[/QUOTE] If you want to get with her you need to step back and stop being her shoulder to cry on. That's a one way ticket to the friendzone mate. [editline]13th January 2017[/editline] [QUOTE=maeZtro;51664527]So I got tinder about a week ago and so far I've had 4 matches. It feels strange trying to have deep conversations with people you have never met before over text. Once I've gotten to know someone a little bit I want to meet them in person so I ask them out for coffee but they seem to think that it's a code word for sex or something because they immediately stop writing. Another thing I have a problem with is how often I should write with my matches. I personally don't like to text a lot so I write maybe once every other day or so and when I feel like I'm the only one that's leading the conversation I stop writing to let them take some charge, which only one person has done so far. Am I writing to little and should I lead the conversation 100%? what do you guys think?[/QUOTE] Tinder is basically a game of numbers. They don't want to meet up with you and probably just like having someone give them attention. Who doesn't? We're all human. In the last three years I've matched with 1200 girls on Tinder, probably hooked up with about ten. It is literally a question of matching with enough girls and talking to all of them and eventually there will be some who want to meet up with you. I might get a lot of shit for this but if you're serious about using Tinder to meet girls then get Tinder Pro.

[QUOTE=G@merGeek;51664669]If you want to get with her you need to step back and stop being her shoulder to cry on. That's a one way ticket to the friendzone mate. [/QUOTE] Because treating fellow human beings as human beings and not prey items has the risk of ending on friendship, and that is deemed a failure?

[QUOTE=cis.joshb;51663354]Are you trying to get with her?[/QUOTE] No, There are reasons why im not but those are more personal private things i dont want to get into She has issues with relationships, ive told her she should probably stay single for a while and take break, which she agrees with but '[I]if[/I] i break up with him'

[QUOTE=Eriorguez;51664708]Because treating fellow human beings as human beings and not prey items has the risk of ending on friendship, and that is deemed a failure?[/QUOTE] I think he should think about what he values the most, the girl as a friend or someone he wants to have an intimate relationship with? If he's happy to keep her as a friend and can detach himself from the emotions of wanting her and being inevitably upset when she has relationships with other people then be there for her, but I know for me and most other guys it fucking hurts to see a girl that you want to date who you have a platonic relationship with be with other people. I know when I've stuck around in the past I've ended up hurt myself and hurt the girls feelings because a major part of why I was her friend was because I wanted to get with her. I'm not saying the OP is in that exact situation but if it is he needs to step back because its emotionally manipulative behavior and ultimately he will not get what he wants. That is the real predatory behavior the way I see it. If you take time to step away, reconsider your own feelings, she might realise that you're a great catch and if not you can still have the friendship. Does that make sense?

Well, all I can tell you is the story of my ex. I met her and immediately hit it off with her, we talked all night and started facebook messaging every day. Pretty soon I realized she had a boyfriend, though. She was 17 and he was 20, and abusive (thankfully not physically otherwise I would have made sure he went to prison), and she didn't like being with him but was afraid to leave him. I just tried to support her and told her that she didn't deserve what he was doing to her. Eventually she broke up with him and messaged me a lot that day. I took her to a football game that night and started falling in love with her, as she did the same. Started dating her a week later and lost my virginity to her a week after that. She's perfect with me, and we had a great relationship for 10 months. I chose my college to be in the same city as her. Then, a week after she got to college she told me that she had started developing feelings for someone at her school. I told her it was okay and I still loved her and that people can't control what they feel, and she insisted that she still loved me too. But she left anyways, while claiming to still love me the whole time as she fucked this guy, then got extremely hurt when he asked her to be friends with benefits. I slept with her a month or so after this, but the emotional torture of having someone say they love you and give you hope while crushing it over and over again made me tell her that I didn't know if I could be in a relationship again, right away. I sincerely regret that tbh even though I bet a lot of you would have told me never to get back with her after what she did. She then started dating another person while still claiming to love me, and soon after she broke up with him I told her I loved her too and wanted to be with her, but she said she loved me but couldn't. basically, I still love this girl, but if someone is talking about their ex problems with you and ends up getting into a relationship right after, they might be the kind of girl who goes through life constantly finding someone they like better and leaving their old boyfriend.

I don't have a problem but I just wanted to say that I've been seeing a girl and it's going really well, we've been going on the dumbest and lamest dates ever and we have a great time with them. The other day we went to a coffee shop to figure out what we wanted to do for the day and we just ended up playing chess for like three hours with a set we found under the table and laughing our asses off the entire time and it was dumb and cute as fuck. I hope it becomes a thing, she's super great there isn't really a point to this post sorry

[QUOTE=SebiWarrior;51661600]I'm not in uni yet, that's worries me because if I can't keep up with the school rhythm I won't make it Truth is I don't focus enough on what happens and instead gauge the generics: I could tell you all about the fascist-nazist economical strategy I studied yesterday, but I can't tell you what institutions they created in order to fulfill that plan I used to write things down but after noticing that it barely made a difference I stopped, now I'm not so sure anymore [editline]13th January 2017[/editline] I also feel like I should add something I'm ashamed of: I always have the entire afternoon free, but I always waste 2-3 hours away doing literally nothing instead of studying I just can't find the motivation to care about my future, it's like I don't care if I make it through anything in life[/QUOTE] I'm not you, so I can't really tell what will and what won't work for you, but I think you need to change your thinking to realise that these things aren't challenges you can't overcome - but what I tell myself when I find something a challenge is that many people before me has done the same, so why shouldn't I be able to do the same? If you are actually ashamed of not studying in the afternoon (though I won't judge you, I was very bad at using my spare time to do homework or the like as well), there are really only two solutions - either spend the time or stop being ashamed about it. Being ashamed isn't very useful if it doesn't lead to improvement. If you can't get yourself to study, try using the time for something you can justify (things that make you happy) - seeing your friends or whatever. And have you tried talking to your teacher(s) about it? Maybe they have some tips for where they feel you can improve - and "use" your classmates, if you can; my experience is that people are generally ready to help if it's kept to reasonable degree. I can't really tell you what you're doing wrong, but I think it's important to recognize that these are problems many people experience and most people overcome.

[QUOTE=AtomicSans;51666131]there isn't really a point to this post sorry[/QUOTE] Sometimes, life, cosmos or the universe doesn't have to have a point. It just is.

[QUOTE=RenegadeCop;51667305]Unless the universe is sentient, it never will[/QUOTE] It depends on the established private language within a community. The communication grounds for which make up reality where people are either guided by religion, secular humanitarian movements, philosophical grounds. It all depends on where the language was developed. Meaning is put in semantics not in definition.

am i having a stroke

[QUOTE=Zen'Tao;51667381]It depends on the established private language within a community. The communication grounds for which make up reality where people are either guided by religion, secular humanitarian movements, philosophical grounds. It all depends on where the language was developed. Meaning is put in semantics not in definition.[/QUOTE] Are you actually even saying anything?

[QUOTE=Zen'Tao;51666725]Sometimes, life, cosmos or the universe doesn't have to have a point. It just is.[/QUOTE] [QUOTE=Zen'Tao;51667381]It depends on the established private language within a community. The communication grounds for which make up reality where people are either guided by religion, secular humanitarian movements, philosophical grounds. It all depends on where the language was developed. Meaning is put in semantics not in definition.[/QUOTE] That totally channeled my chakras

[QUOTE=Zen'Tao;51667381]It depends on the established private language within a community. The communication grounds for which make up reality where people are either guided by religion, secular humanitarian movements, philosophical grounds. It all depends on where the language was developed. Meaning is put in semantics not in definition.[/QUOTE] I'm sure you had a point in there somewhere, but it didn't come across very well. At all, in fact. [editline]14th January 2017[/editline] Were you trying to say that the universe doesn't have a point unless you choose for it to have one? For example, for a religious person the point might be love God or go to Heaven.

The research team I'm on is looking for participants and next week I have to go to five different classes, ask the professors before class starts if I can make an announcement in front of their class, and then talk in front of >100 people about our research project to hunt for participants. I'm just reading off a sheet of paper but I'm pretty stressed about the whole thing. My mind always goes blank when I have to speak in front of crowds. Also, it gets worse, because apparently I'll have to start harassing people in the street to try and get participants.

Today i'm gonna tell her how i feel about her, its been way too long and I gotta take it off my chest. Wish me luck bruhs

[QUOTE=RzDat;51669252]Today i'm gonna tell her how i feel about her, its been way too long and I gotta take it off my chest. Wish me luck bruhs[/QUOTE] good decision tbh, if she says no she probably would never have gotten together with you anyway

[QUOTE=Guy Mannly;51669107]The research team I'm on is looking for participants and next week I have to go to five different classes, ask the professors before class starts if I can make an announcement in front of their class, and then talk in front of >100 people about our research project to hunt for participants. I'm just reading off a sheet of paper but I'm pretty stressed about the whole thing. My mind always goes blank when I have to speak in front of crowds. Also, it gets worse, because apparently I'll have to start harassing people in the street to try and get participants.[/QUOTE] Ohhh nooooo you're one of those students. As an engineering student I used to hate having to listen to those and the inevitable emails that went with them "I'm doing a study on the psychological effects of block paving, I need participants and in return I will enter you in to a draw to win a particularly shiny rock"

[QUOTE=metallics;51669466]Ohhh nooooo you're one of those students. As an engineering student I used to hate having to listen to those and the inevitable emails that went with them "I'm doing a study on the psychological effects of block paving, I need participants and in return I will enter you in to a draw to win a particularly shiny rock"[/QUOTE] Yeah, it really sucks, especially having to harass people on the street. I hate people who do that and now I'm the one doing it. It feels like I just got a job as a telemarketer. We're only going to be making announcements in psychology classes, at least. Our school uses this thing called SONA where psychology classes will award extra credit in exchange for SONA credits, which you receive by participating in studies. The question is whether people will actually be willing to show up to a multi-session in-person study when there are always a ton of online surveys they could be doing instead. We don't really have a good plan reward-wise for people who don't need SONA credits, either.

[QUOTE=Milksprain;51669990]At my university students who participate in research are usually rewarded by monetary means: gift cards, coupons or cash, and that seems to be really popular. I imagine it can get expensive very fast if you need a large amount of people. Good luck![/QUOTE] Thanks! And yeah, right now the plan is to do a raffle because the research team leader would have to pay out of pocket for any incentives. Just giving each person $5 would cost him a few hundred because of the sample size needed. I've been trying to think of something even lower budget that would work as an incentive but I'm drawing a blank.

[QUOTE=cis.joshb;51669413]good decision tbh, if she says no she probably would never have gotten together with you anyway[/QUOTE] Its done. And to be honest, i'm super satisfied she knows how i felt all these years. Of course it ended on good terms but now i actually feel free. feels good man, now i can actually focus on things that really matter

[QUOTE=RzDat;51670103]Its done. And to be honest, i'm super satisfied she knows how i felt all these years. Of course it ended on good terms but now i actually feel free. feels good man, now i can actually focus on things that really matter[/QUOTE] you wanna explain what your situation with this girl is?

[QUOTE=Milksprain;51671289]My boyfriend wanted us to get a journal to write down the memories of our third year together and we bought it today. He's adorably devoted and I'm so lucky[/QUOTE] I love this idea. It's great to record your happy memories with each other so when things get tough you have something to remind you of what you value about your relationship.

[QUOTE=cis.joshb;51671177]you wanna explain what your situation with this girl is?[/QUOTE] I had a crush on this girl for about 3 years and she was a really good friend if mine. The thing is, i knew she had a bf. Usually i just shrugged it off and carried on but i couldn't get her out of my head, and i knew that we wont be seeing each other in a long time (I'm in a combat role in the military and i come back home once or twice a month), So i met up with her and told her how i felt all these years in a friendly way. I didnt want her to react in any way, only wanted her to know about my feelings before i go. It went smoother than i thought tbh, she smiled and said she's glad i told her that. After that we talked for a while before saying goodbye and goodluck in the future. Before you ask, i didnt expect a relationship because it had zero chance of happening plus i wanted to feel free from thinking about her all the time. Now It feels like i made the right choice

This is probably going to be a long post, not sure where to post this but here i go: Basically i'm 20, kissless handholdless virgin. I've been on one date in my life which ended up being ok but the girl didn't want to meet again (it was somewhat LDR). She also got a boyfriend a couple of weeks later so probably that's why too. We really clicked online, and overall had a great time. It's been almost a year and for a while i was really depressed and cried often but i got over it. In the summer, a new girl arrived at work and i started having a crush on her. She didn't work in the same department as me much. and was usually extremely tired because she was overworking herself. But when we worked together we established a great friendship and i was finally comfortable around her. I tried asking her out on a date twice (under disguise and clever words) but she declined usually due to being tired and our work schedules didn't really allow it. I was a bit confused about her because she was living with this guy who invited her over to this country in the same room, apparently they weren't together as boyfriend/girlfriend but whatever. This came up a few times and she told me she doesn't really feel that way towards any of her friends and that it would be disgusting and weird. That didn't make me give up though, eventually i got her to come with me to the bar for a drink after work but she left kind of quick. Anyway, i thought i was going somewhere but then she suddenly left and went back to her home country to do university. She wanted to stay and do it online but it wasn't possible. I was kind of heartbroken but not as much. I still think about her a lot and recently she appeared in one of my dreams (or at least it was someone who almost looked like her). Anyways a couple of months ago, another new girl arrived and i started having a crush on her too. But it's been a while and i can't seem to get that comfortable around her. She is nice and all but i don't know, i'm nervous around her and most of the time i don't know what to say to her. I try to do some small talk but it always ends in awkward silence. I'm scared of making a move, any sort of move that would mean that i'm interested in her. And here i come to the core problem in my life. I'm ashamed of making a move on anybody, i'm scared and ashamed of showing interest in anybody, i'm scared to express my emotions towards anybody except to my two of my closest childhood friends (they are both guys). I've never complimented a girl before in my life because i'm ashamed of it. I can't flirt due to the same reasons. Whenever i look at her, and she looks at me i can't bear to look into her eyes or even smile at her i just turn away and it's very awkward sometimes. I thought about asking for her facebook but i don't use facebook or any other social media, and it would be weird to ask for something else i think (again she could take it as a sign that i'm interested and i'm ashamed) I'm very hard on myself, i'm really afraid to show anything to other people because it led to nothing but embarrasement before thus i became a very private and introverted person. I have more than $5000 in my bank account but i don't spend any of it because i don't see the point and i deny a lot of things from myself. I don't know what to do, i'm not good looking, i've been told i'm ugly before, most of the girls i talked to online have ghosted on me after i sent them a picture, (one girl said i'm good looking though and complimented my eyes, and another said i have nice eyes as well, i've had that from my friends and co workers too). Also nobody responds on dating sites, so i've resorted to finding someone on fucking /soc/ and reddit out of all places (i did meet that first girl from /soc/) People tell me i need to smile more, i work in a restaurant and even had quests tell me to smile, but it's so hard, i look miserable all the time, i have nothing going on in my life, i have no motivation to do anything but sleep and do nothing in front of my computer. I went to a therapist before but it wasn't what i was expecting, but it was free. Other therapists charge fucking 50 pounds or something per hour. There is no group therapy around here which is what i want really bad. I've been also having bad knee pains and swollen knee for the last few months and i've been denying myself to the doctor because i don't see the point, and lie to people about it. I feel like crying all the time, recently i've had an assignment returned to me because it was bad (i knew it was bad, all my other assignments so far has been great though) and i was literally fighting back tears troughout my talking with the teacher. I'm really a fucking mess and i don't know how long i can take this. Sorry for the long and pointless post.