Super Friendly Social and Love Advice v8 - Stop spamming her with texts. - General

[QUOTE=Adarrek;51677019]This is probably going to be a long post, not sure where to post this but here i go: Basically i'm 20, kissless handholdless virgin. I've been on one date in my life which ended up being ok but the girl didn't want to meet again (it was somewhat LDR). She also got a boyfriend a couple of weeks later so probably that's why too. We really clicked online, and overall had a great time. It's been almost a year and for a while i was really depressed and cried often but i got over it. In the summer, a new girl arrived at work and i started having a crush on her. She didn't work in the same department as me much. and was usually extremely tired because she was overworking herself. But when we worked together we established a great friendship and i was finally comfortable around her. I tried asking her out on a date twice (under disguise and clever words) but she declined usually due to being tired and our work schedules didn't really allow it. I was a bit confused about her because she was living with this guy who invited her over to this country in the same room, apparently they weren't together as boyfriend/girlfriend but whatever. This came up a few times and she told me she doesn't really feel that way towards any of her friends and that it would be disgusting and weird. That didn't make me give up though, eventually i got her to come with me to the bar for a drink after work but she left kind of quick. Anyway, i thought i was going somewhere but then she suddenly left and went back to her home country to do university. She wanted to stay and do it online but it wasn't possible. I was kind of heartbroken but not as much. I still think about her a lot and recently she appeared in one of my dreams (or at least it was someone who almost looked like her). Anyways a couple of months ago, another new girl arrived and i started having a crush on her too. But it's been a while and i can't seem to get that comfortable around her. She is nice and all but i don't know, i'm nervous around her and most of the time i don't know what to say to her. I try to do some small talk but it always ends in awkward silence. I'm scared of making a move, any sort of move that would mean that i'm interested in her. And here i come to the core problem in my life. I'm ashamed of making a move on anybody, i'm scared and ashamed of showing interest in anybody, i'm scared to express my emotions towards anybody except to my two of my closest childhood friends (they are both guys). I've never complimented a girl before in my life because i'm ashamed of it. I can't flirt due to the same reasons. Whenever i look at her, and she looks at me i can't bear to look into her eyes or even smile at her i just turn away and it's very awkward sometimes. I thought about asking for her facebook but i don't use facebook or any other social media, and it would be weird to ask for something else i think (again she could take it as a sign that i'm interested and i'm ashamed) I'm very hard on myself, i'm really afraid to show anything to other people because it led to nothing but embarrasement before thus i became a very private and introverted person. I have more than $5000 in my bank account but i don't spend any of it because i don't see the point and i deny a lot of things from myself. I don't know what to do, i'm not good looking, i've been told i'm ugly before, most of the girls i talked to online have ghosted on me after i sent them a picture, (one girl said i'm good looking though and complimented my eyes, and another said i have nice eyes as well, i've had that from my friends and co workers too). Also nobody responds on dating sites, so i've resorted to finding someone on fucking /soc/ and reddit out of all places (i did meet that first girl from /soc/) People tell me i need to smile more, i work in a restaurant and even had quests tell me to smile, but it's so hard, i look miserable all the time, i have nothing going on in my life, i have no motivation to do anything but sleep and do nothing in front of my computer. I went to a therapist before but it wasn't what i was expecting, but it was free. Other therapists charge fucking 50 pounds or something per hour. There is no group therapy around here which is what i want really bad. I've been also having bad knee pains and swollen knee for the last few months and i've been denying myself to the doctor because i don't see the point, and lie to people about it. I feel like crying all the time, recently i've had an assignment returned to me because it was bad (i knew it was bad, all my other assignments so far has been great though) and i was literally fighting back tears troughout my talking with the teacher. I'm really a fucking mess and i don't know how long i can take this. Sorry for the long and pointless post.[/QUOTE] Stop worrying about girls, that's not the problem. Your low self esteem is. Start going to the gym, get a new wardrobe, start meeting people and start trying to be happy. It is really that simple.

It sounds like you're in roughly the same boat as me right now. It's [URL="http://www.getesteem.com/lse-symptoms/symptom-details.html"]low self-esteem[/URL], man. Textbook case. Simply grasping that idea is a pretty good leaping off point. See if you can find and talk to a therapist about it some more. I don't know where you are in the UK but in my area there NHS-funded therapy organisations that give at least some basic forms of therapy. I know it probably sounds stupid, but you're not happy, so it's not. This is what they do for a living. Do just a couple of sit-downs with somebody to explain what you've told us - they'll help you find the end of the thread in your mind that you can follow to get out of it. As long as you're intellectually motivated to get over it and you're persistent then you probably can. A lot don't, but then a lot aren't honest with themselves (and others) about their problems. Once you push past low self-esteem you don't need to second-guess your actions all the time. You won't feel embarrassed about doing dumb shit like complimenting girls because it won't feel like a shame-gasm if you get rejected. All obstacles and challenges become much less daunting. Honestly I don't really understand how to get out of it yet, especially since I've been living with it all my life and have no other frame of reference. You have at least had female friends which is more than me. I hesitated for about 15 minutes before I posted this because I'm terrified of being judged by people, even on the fucking internet. But this year I'm going to try some things, start some projects and take a few risks to do some dumb things on my bucket list. I'll update and let you know if they work.

Tonight I think I gave a female friend the false impression that I want to date her. She doesn't want to either, which I guess is a good thing, but this is a little awkward now. We were at a bar with friends the other night and one of the guys had said privately to me "Why don't you ask her out? She clearly has a thing for you." And, repeatedly, we've had friends think that we're dating or that one of us has a crush on the other, so I regularly tell her about these things because I think they're funny. Well tonight I messaged her about this comment on skype and she typed out this looong message along the lines of "I'm sorry man, I know pretty much everyone apparently wants us to date but unfortunately we're gonna have to disappoint them" and all this stuff like she was [i]breaking the news to me[/i], then she almost immediately signed off to go to bed. I didn't think anything of it at the time but now i'm like.... Shit, she probably thought this was my way of gauging interest or subtly asking her out :v:

[QUOTE=Behemoth_PT;51668015]That totally channeled my chakras[/QUOTE] Tbh I had no idea that Zenyatta had a Facepunch account.

Super cute girl i knew way back in middle school as well as high school (c/o 2016) fb messaged me asking to help her with her college essays n shit. I helped her because she was chill, friendly and said she will pay me back. this girl called my friend and asked him for my number to call me, and weird thing is my friend didn't know how she got his number when I asked him. I helped her with her essay and she wants to take me out somewhere to repay me next weekend, but idk if she likes me. im just not gonna assume such and try not to get myself wrapped up in anxiety

Holy fucking crap you guys, I knew something was wrong. Apparently the girl got in a car accident, she sent me a message on facebook recently. Fuck me, I hope she recovers well.

More or less ignoring the girl completely, still lingers in my mind time to time, I guess that too, will pass with more time. Cant remember the last time I thought about a girl this much but oh well, I at least confirmed I have no chances with her anyway.

IDk if anyone has experience with anything like this but I kind of just want to get it off my chest. Last night my girlfriend of two and a years told me that she hasn't been going to school for the last year and a half (since Fall 2015, so 3 semesters total). Over the last year and a half we've been talking about plans for moving in together after we're done/close to finishing our undergrads (according to her non-existent schedule she would have finished just about a year after me). And for the last few months she's been saying to me that she doesn't think I'm in the same place as her when it comes to the relationship - that I'm 'behind' her. There's other details as well but I ended up telling her that I want to break up, and she kept saying that it just doesn't make sense etc. and I should make the decision when I'm not as angry as I was last night and if we could talk about it again in a week. I'm not sure why but I agreed, but I still haven't felt like my mind has changed. Is this situation as mad as I think it is?

how did you not notice that she wasnt going to school lol

[QUOTE=cricket50;51682522]how did you not notice that she wasnt going to school lol[/QUOTE] She's suffered from depression and anxiety in the past, would say that she would stay home rather than commuting, get lecture notes etc. and commute in for midterms/exams. I don't go to school with her and follow my own schedule during the day so it wasn't as though I knew exactly what she was doing during the day. She managed to keep it from her own family, keeping it from a boyfriend that doesn't live with her isn't impossible.

[QUOTE=Phiron;51681738]IDk if anyone has experience with anything like this but I kind of just want to get it off my chest. Last night my girlfriend of two and a years told me that she hasn't been going to school for the last year and a half (since Fall 2015, so 3 semesters total). Over the last year and a half we've been talking about plans for moving in together after we're done/close to finishing our undergrads (according to her non-existent schedule she would have finished just about a year after me). And for the last few months she's been saying to me that she doesn't think I'm in the same place as her when it comes to the relationship - that I'm 'behind' her. There's other details as well but I ended up telling her that I want to break up, and she kept saying that it just doesn't make sense etc. and I should make the decision when I'm not as angry as I was last night and if we could talk about it again in a week. I'm not sure why but I agreed, but I still haven't felt like my mind has changed. Is this situation as mad as I think it is?[/QUOTE] Tough shit, but unless your feelings change in the next couple of days, you should stick with your decision - if you don't want to be in a relationship, it really helps neither you nor her that you end up breaking up a couple of months later because nothing has really changed.

I feel like im always putting myself up for other people. I'm always the one who says hello first because if I don't talk to anyone, I feel alone and miserable, or unwanted all the time, making me feel insecure about someone talking to me because I don't know if he's just answering to be nice or because is truly interested in spending time talking to me. I always wonder if they are honestly busy on something or they really don't care about responding, or maybe im annoying them. That changed a couple days ago. This sort of mental change got triggered by this girl, who I met at some parties and kinda made out a bit and got to know each other. I was very chill about the whole deal, taking her for granted since she made all the steps to indicate she wanted more, but suddenly, she dropped the “I don't want anything serious and you do” bomb, which I don't believe its true from my part at least, but whatever. That phrase alone made me think she “wasn't a sure thing” and I tried to keep the contact with me being the one who talked first and all that, but I realized its stupid to put much more attention to someone who's not that into you, all that should be natural and comfy. I realized this past year of singleness i have been trying way too hard to keep people around me. So, I dropped my attitude a couple days ago, and completely dropped my excessive Facebook and whatsapp activities. I stopped saying hello, sending links or talking to people I felt I had some sort of good vibes going on but I had big doubts too, and then, I started seeing which people were the ones who would message me without me doing shit. And well, it's a few, but after a few days it really shows who are the ones who want to keep you as a friend (my reeeal great friends don't count since I don't chat with them too much, we meet in person all the time) and that feeling really makes you feel more confident, like a person who is not being taken for granted by anyone. Sure, lots of people do I guess but the ones who matter showed themselves. Sometimes you got to let everything and everyone go, and see who stays for themselves. Keep and eye on those, those are the ones who matter.

[QUOTE=Adarrek;51677019]This is probably going to be a long post, not sure where to post this but here i go: [A lot of text] I'm really a fucking mess and i don't know how long i can take this. Sorry for the long and pointless post.[/QUOTE] in response to your first paragraph, based on the info you gave us, it seems that she is not interested. I could be wrong, but anyways, thats not why im here. while you hide yourself due to shame and fear, I hid myself out of anxiety, but 90% because I didnt trust anyone except myself. I told absolutely no one about any romantic feelings I had ever. I told everyone, including myself, that I never had feelings for anyone. I never approached girls at all, and I put zero effort in looks or fitness (ok, to be fair, im just genuinely and inherently bad at sports things. I did so bad in my highschool archery unit, that not only was I banned from doing it ever again, but so was my younger sister, because they thought I had some 'bad sports' gene or something). and it wasnt just romance. secrets and stuff like that were things I kept to myself. By no surprise, lacking trust in others meant I never built close relations with anyone, even my friends. Despite having a knack for humor and wit, every afternoon I went home alone with no plans with anyone. in my entire middle and high school years, I think I can count on my hands how many times I did things with my friends after school. the thing that really got me is whenever I went to the bathroom then wash up, I would always see a frowning face in the mirror. I could never smile properly. building walls around myself for self preservation brought no happiness. fast forward a bit, I go to college, make new friend group, blah blah blah, theres a girl there I start getting feelings for, blah blah blah. now this time I decided to actually do something. but then I realized that this would involve telling at least one person; her. I had no experience in sharing emotions. So I decided to practice. paranoia was still rooted in me, so I decided to tell my friends not in my college first. Friends [A] and [B]. The way I saw it, they knew no one here, there was no way they could leak the secret to anyone here. I still remember it well. I messaged both [A] and [B] in the evening, saying I needed some help with some problems. when I dropped the bomb that I am, in fact, capable of emotion, and I had them for a girl, they were shocked. They thought all this time that I was just a robot. or gay. or both. I asked for advice on what to do, since i was pretty clueless, and they gave me the best of their wishes and support. I didnt get advice though, since I asked the only 2 people on the planet who somehow have less experience with girls than I did. but the point was that I was learning to trust others with my secrets. for advice I actually went through this thread and all its prior versions, and I actually gained quite a bit of insight from it. I would recommend it to others if they feel unsure of what they are doing. my next step (in my mind) was telling my roommate. we were good friends, it would help me build more trust in others, and I would have someone "on the inside" to help me out a bit. it took me 5 whole minutes to explain to him that I had feelings. He, like everyone else, assumed I was emotionless, so it was really quite stunning to him. anyways, with his help, and after a month of me basically stalling, I finally asked her out. it didnt work. I had to explain to her that I was asking her out. im just thankful she understood before I had to explain the "birds and the bees" or something. but yeah, I was rejected. but let me tell you, I never regretted it. a few days after that, when I went to the bathroom and was washing my hands, I looked in the mirror and saw myself smiling for the first time. So why bother typing all this to you? well, partly because I got a new keyboard and im loving this thing, but mostly because you need to know the importance of simply moving forward. If I should be honest, based on what you said, I think you should give up on this whole dating thing for the moment. Looking for a partner while feeling like an emotional wreck is rarely a good thing, and being in a relationship while feeling like an emotional wreck is even worse. as others have suggested, take up some hobby to give yourself some meaning. "looks" really dont matter as much as attitude, unless you are a 2d image on a magazine cover. work on improving yourself first. others here have suggested going to the gym, I cant to do that so im thinking of joining my local volunteer ambulance team here. anything that helps you grow as a person. I edited this post to make it short and too the point, so if you want any more advice, feel free to pm me. except for relationship advice, I still never had one. but dont be so quick to put yourself down and out.

[QUOTE=ZombineTheSplatter;51681075]Holy fucking crap you guys, I knew something was wrong. Apparently the girl got in a car accident, she sent me a message on facebook recently. Fuck me, I hope she recovers well.[/QUOTE] Wow, what are the odds. You were right. Something bad DID actually happen. Damn, hopefully the injuries are nothing too serious.

[QUOTE=SoftHearted;51684392]Wow, what are the odds. You were right. Something bad DID actually happen. Damn, hopefully the injuries are nothing too serious.[/QUOTE] She has a few broken ribs and internal bleeding, but her doctor said she should recover fully. And this shit happened right before her birthday, what a shit show.

have been going out with a girl for the past 2 weeks who obviously likes me but she's very shy. we've just been hanging out, going at cafes, walking her dog and stuff like that. what could we do of more interesting?

[QUOTE=Liota;51689784]have been going out with a girl for the past 2 weeks who obviously likes me but she's very shy. we've just been hanging out, going at cafes, walking her dog and stuff like that. what could we do of more interesting?[/QUOTE] A movie date would be a good start. Find a film she wants to see and/or a movie type she finds interesting, then ask her out to see it.

[QUOTE=RzDat;51689988]A movie date would be a good start. Find a film she wants to see and/or a movie type she finds interesting, then ask her out to see it.[/QUOTE] i thought about it, but that's too classic and boring in my opinion. something that could have worked a few years ago but now it's getting stale (at least where i live)

are you officially dating or just hanging out? I'd be sure of that before you try to move up in the relationship Granted you can still do more fun things while not-dating-but-just-hanging-out. Just not romantic things.

Really there's not that much difference between 'date' dates and hanging out. You're both learning about one another and spending time together. The only difference is the connotation under which you organize your time with them.

[QUOTE=thrawn2787;51691450]are you officially dating or just hanging out? I'd be sure of that before you try to move up in the relationship Granted you can still do more fun things while not-dating-but-just-hanging-out. Just not romantic things.[/QUOTE] well, not sure too. we pretty much hang out every now and then, we text eachother friendly and stuff. i am fairly sure she's interested in me, but she's very very shy and probably is scared to tell me or something she once said we have much in commom and it would be cool if we got together but she was saying it in a kind of joking way so i laughed and didnt really take it seriously im a clothes designer and run a luxury clothes shop online and she asked me if i could gift her a hoodie or something once, if things dont go well during this month i guess i'll give her one for valentines together with a rose and propose or something

I hope you don't mean propose as in propose marriage? You don't have to go out somewhere to have a date or to hang out. You could just get her to come over and sit play games. Few weeks ago I had a date, she came over, we sat, talked, drank wine and listened music on TV via youtube, then I offered her to combine games and music and I turned it on (Steam Link + Steam controllers) and we continued listening music but by playing Audiosurf, she really enjoyed it and we had great night.

[QUOTE=arleitiss;51693548]I hope you don't mean propose as in propose marriage? You don't have to go out somewhere to have a date or to hang out. You could just get her to come over and sit play games. Few weeks ago I had a date, she came over, we sat, talked, drank wine and listened music on TV via youtube, then I offered her to combine games and music and I turned it on (Steam Link + Steam controllers) and we continued listening music but by playing Audiosurf, she really enjoyed it and we had great night.[/QUOTE] obviously not marriage, i'm just 18 we did that once, although i'm not really into video games so it wouldn't work out well. i thought of maybe sneaking into an abandoned hotel by the seaside which has an awesome view on the whole city, but i'm really confused because i liked her since a year ago since i first saw her and i'm too scared to fuck up and lose her. she has known me for a long time, been often with me at parties and knows about other girls i've been with and how bad i failed with them

oh shit fp i fucked up BAD, i fucked up and made my gf upset to the point of crying, I tried to apologize but she's ignoring me what do i dooooo fp

I raised my voice at her, which I now know from a mutual friend that she's sensitive to that. I'm just giving her some space rn, and hoping for the best. Conflict seems to be resolved now. thanks anyways fp

What are some major factors that would prevent one from getting in a relationship? I'm starting to take control of my life and I can't help but be afraid that there is some quality I can't change, and I'll have improved my life for nothing.

idk where else to put this, i guess I just need to vent right now I'm afraid my best friend is making a bad relationship choice. i can't force her to do anything, but i feel like her feelings are really clouding her judgement. so some backstory. Over the summer she met this guy, who we'll refer to as John. Now, she and John got on pretty well and my friend ended up really liking him. And then, at least from what I remember, come september he tells her that he doesn't think it's going to work out and he's getting back with his ex. I distinctly remember this happening because I was getting the texts while at work. There's been too many texts for me to reasonably scroll back that far, so I guess at this point I may be misremembering that specific incident since she said it never happened. But I swear that I remember that happening (I also remember because there was like one or two other guys who pulled similar things all within like the same 2 weeks). Even if I am remembering, they didn't really talk between then and December. They start texting a bit (I remember she sent him and one other guy a snapchat pretty impulsively one night, which is why I'm 99% sure I'm not mis-remembering September) again in December and decide to meet up. About a week before he's going to visit her at school, he goes silent. Messages aren't getting delivered, that sort of thing. She hopes for the best, assuming he just doesn't have signal or his phone (he's in the army). Then, about a week after they were supposed to hang out he contacts her. Pulls the "I really like you but I can't do an LDR, I'm getting together with some other girl, you have really nice boobs though" card. Well, guess who texted her again? That's right, him. Supposedly things fell apart with this other girl and now he wants to be with her, and she's already totally and 100% forgiven him. i guess it's just hard to watch a good friend make a choice that you're sure is only going to lead them getting hurt, again. like, don't get me wrong i'm hoping for the best for her with him, but I don't think it's all that good of a choice based upon his previous actions. i can't force her to do anything, and it isn't my choice, it's just frustrating.

[QUOTE=Ardosos;51701311]What are some major factors that would prevent one from getting in a relationship? I'm starting to take control of my life and I can't help but be afraid that there is some quality I can't change,[B] and I'll have improved my life for nothing.[/B][/QUOTE] relationships (healthy ones, at least) form naturally and over time. if there's some quality about you that you don't think you can hold in a relationship what comes to you may be a surprise. if a particular person you're dating doesn't like that quality then they don't really like you as a whole. also i am firmly of the mindset that any life improvement isn't for nothing, you know? [QUOTE=bdd458;51701353]idk where else to put this, i guess I just need to vent right now I'm afraid my best friend is making a bad relationship choice. i can't force her to do anything, but i feel like her feelings are really clouding her judgement. .. .. i guess it's just hard to watch a good friend make a choice that you're sure is only going to lead them getting hurt, again.[/QUOTE] sometimes people need pain in order to genuinely acquire perspective on who and what it is they really want. it may be best to let her run this course herself. even if it hurts, it will be a learning and self-improving experience for her all in all(hopefully). the fact that she forgave him so unconditionally is definitely an issue and is sure to hurt her further in the future if she can't learn how not to forgive true wrongdoings so easily.

[QUOTE=ZombieWaffle;51701368]sometimes people need pain in order to genuinely acquire perspective on who and what it is they really want. it may be best to let her run this course herself. even if it hurts, it will be a learning and self-improving experience for her all in all(hopefully). the fact that she forgave him so unconditionally is definitely an issue and is sure to hurt her further in the future if she can't learn how not to forgive true wrongdoings so easily.[/QUOTE] Yeah, she's studying abroad next week so idk how far its going to go in that time-span. and like, i'm never super blunt with her cuz in the end it is her choice after all, but like that's one of the rare times I've really felt the need to be so straight up with advice. i feel like she made up her mind about him a long time ago, because i remember when he pulled what he did in December she told me that she'd accept him back in a heartbeat, and I was blunt with her then saying that she needs to move on, because he'd only end up doing it again. I remember it really hitting me about how easily she falls for some of these guys back in september when like I said, 2 or 3 of them all said essentially the same thing to her. I didn't tell her that, because a few days after I had that thought she admitted it herself. i think you're right though, it's just got to run its course and hopefully she learns

[QUOTE=ZombieWaffle;51701368]relationships (healthy ones, at least) form naturally and over time. if there's some quality about you that you don't think you can hold in a relationship what comes to you may be a surprise. if a particular person you're dating doesn't like that quality then they don't really like you as a whole. also i am firmly of the mindset that any life improvement isn't for nothing, you know? [/QUOTE] There must be some list of common reasons people get rejected though, surely? I want to know if I'm even eligible, and if not what I can do to fix that.