Super Friendly Social and Love Advice v8 - Stop spamming her with texts. - General

sounds like a someone trying to get a citizenship through marriage, they pull that shit over here (and probably all over the world). seeing old dudes married to young south-east asian women. i would be highly suspicious of it myself, you said yourself the benefits of marrying a soldier and this is someone on the other side of the planet who has never met you and barely speaks english. on the other hand a desperate person falls for someone very easily and her feelings, if we say that she does really, really like you, are just from the attention you've given her. it's very easy for someone in that situation to create this perfect future in their head involving you. either way, you aren't interested and if i was in your situation i would explain to her that it isn't going to work out as best as you can. the distance is too much, the time schedules are too different and the language barrier is real.

You said yourself that you've been talking for less than a month. Now's a good time to de-escalate your relationship with her before she gets too attached. You aren't obligated to sugarcoat it or try and flatter someone who you're rejecting. Don't make excuses for it. Agreeing to a relationship is not the default setting here... Rejection is your default and you don't need to treat it otherwise. Say it with me: "I'm sorry, but I only see you as a friend." It does not need to be any more complicated than that, and if you make it more complicated it's only going to send the message to her that rejecting her was a bigger deal than it needs to be.

Your supervisor is right soldier-man. A lot of siamese lady were marrying local old guys just to get citizenship to set up restaurant in malaysia. Once the poor guys got old and sickly, those women just ditched them like its nobody business. Just go and get a good old fashioned american girl already.

how do i tell my computer i am in love with him

Never thought I'd find myself posting in here but guess it's time.. So I've been seeing this girl for a while now (Since beginning of September). We've been on loads of dates together, day-trips and stuff. We get along really well and we've kissed multiple times now that I've started losing count. I really like her and I've told her this and she responded positively. A few nights ago I asked her if we're official since it begun feeling that way to me and she told me she didn't know. I also asked her if we have something between each-other and she said yes. This left me quite confused. Yesterday though we were out and her gay-ish male best friend came along (I didn't know about this at first) and they get along really well. He's clearly deep in the friendzone though (they constantly say they love eachother without any physical contact other than hugs) and they're basically brother-sister so this is really a moot point. I didn't know he was coming but she just asked him to come out when she spotted him. She was sat on the other-side of the table in the pub with him. I started getting a bit jealous but tried to keep my cool as much as possible. She noticed something was up though. She started asking me if something was up and eventually I just said 'OK' and asked her where I stand in this relationship. She told me that she's recently come out of a relationship and doesn't know really. She told me that some ex thought she was cheating with me even though at the time we were just friends hanging out for the first time. We ended up kissing a few times that night (one kiss lasted for what seemed like a minute) even in front of her friend. Her friend queried whether we're in a relationship and she said jokingly that we're 'friends with benefits' at the moment. To me it just seems like damage control as she heals from the past relationship and I feel more clear to where I stand - but I don't know if this is worth sticking with hoping that it's a relationship. I'm quite close with my parents and talk over the phone often and they seem to think I'm just a doormat for her. I really want to see this through though as this is the first time I've ever gotten this close into a relationship and I really like this girl. Any advice FP?

[QUOTE=benbb;51232556]Never thought I'd find myself posting in here but guess it's time.. So I've been seeing this girl for a while now (Since beginning of September). We've been on loads of dates together, day-trips and stuff. We get along really well and we've kissed multiple times now that I've started losing count. I really like her and I've told her this and she responded positively. A few nights ago I asked her if we're official since it begun feeling that way to me and she told me she didn't know. I also asked her if we have something between each-other and she said yes. This left me quite confused. Yesterday though we were out and her gay-ish male best friend came along (I didn't know about this at first) and they get along really well. He's clearly deep in the friendzone though (they constantly say they love eachother without any physical contact other than hugs) and they're basically brother-sister so this is really a moot point. I didn't know he was coming but she just asked him to come out when she spotted him. She was sat on the other-side of the table in the pub with him. I started getting a bit jealous but tried to keep my cool as much as possible. She noticed something was up though. She started asking me if something was up and eventually I just said 'OK' and asked her where I stand in this relationship. She told me that she's recently come out of a relationship and doesn't know really. She told me that some ex thought she was cheating with me even though at the time we were just friends hanging out for the first time. We ended up kissing a few times that night (one kiss lasted for what seemed like a minute) even in front of her friend. Her friend queried whether we're in a relationship and she said jokingly that we're 'friends with benefits' at the moment. To me it just seems like damage control as she heals from the past relationship and I feel more clear to where I stand - but I don't know if this is worth sticking with hoping that it's a relationship. I'm quite close with my parents and talk over the phone often and they seem to think I'm just a doormat for her. I really want to see this through though as this is the first time I've ever gotten this close into a relationship and I really like this girl. Any advice FP?[/QUOTE] Can't give much advice on what to do but definitely don't get jealous. At best you just feel anxious and uncomfy At worst you seem insecure and its off putting (in a relationship being jealous implies lack of trust also - i made this mistake once) Don't let her treat you like a doormat either, have your life and your plans. Being too nice and "being the doormat" comes from insecurity (i speak from experience) you think she's better than you deserve so you're terrified of losing her so you act like a gimp, being [b]too[/b] nice, too helpful, with her too much, too clingy, too jealous. Try to remain the main actor in your own story. I don't know you, but odds are you don't deserve the negative image you've given yourself (perhaps subliminally) you deserve her and shes not interested in you for the doormat shit, thats off putting, shes into you for cool you, the you who is a cool guy, the you she can chat with, the you who will treat her like a fellow human instead of some magical unattainable thing. so what if you don't know where you are? revel in it. Let her chase a lil, if someone says "is that your boyfriend" say "hah she wishes". If you're friends with benefits then enjoy the friendship and the benefits. Enjoying the kissing and the sex if/when you have it, don't NEED it, don't need her validation but enjoy it when its given. Don't try to coerce her with favours and "ill be nice coz then she'll feel like she owes me". Be the cool guy who she wants to kiss anyway, if you're out and she talks to someone else for a while then cool, you talk to other people with you, get to know her friends, at the end of the night she'll probably come over and sit on your knee or kiss you anyway. It'll stop you getting jealous, you'll have and interesting night and she'll know she's onto a winner. Odds are you'll get time alone together at some point anyway You don't even need a full on relationship, enjoy what you've got. Be secure in yourself and don't push things too hard. Remain that cool guy she can have fun with, be the strong, interesting person who she wants to spend time with. [URL="https://mettahu.files.wordpress.com/2013/05/love-is-appreciation.jpg"]this quote sort of applies to relationships/love if you get too controlling and possessive it ceases to be the thing you (both) enjoy[/URL] goodluck

[QUOTE=mdeceiver79;51233428]Can't give much advice on what to do but definitely don't get jealous. At best you just feel anxious and uncomfy At worst you seem insecure and its off putting (in a relationship being jealous implies lack of trust also - i made this mistake once) Don't let her treat you like a doormat either, have your life and your plans. Being too nice and "being the doormat" comes from insecurity (i speak from experience) you think she's better than you deserve so you're terrified of losing her so you act like a gimp, being [B]too[/B] nice, too helpful, with her too much, too clingy, too jealous. Try to remain the main actor in your own story. I don't know you, but odds are you don't deserve the negative image you've given yourself (perhaps subliminally) you deserve her and shes not interested in you for the doormat shit, thats off putting, shes into you for cool you, the you who is a cool guy, the you she can chat with, the you who will treat her like a fellow human instead of some magical unattainable thing. so what if you don't know where you are? revel in it. Let her chase a lil, if someone says "is that your boyfriend" say "hah she wishes". If you're friends with benefits then enjoy the friendship and the benefits. Enjoying the kissing and the sex if/when you have it, don't NEED it, don't need her validation but enjoy it when its given. Don't try to coerce her with favours and "ill be nice coz then she'll feel like she owes me". Be the cool guy who she wants to kiss anyway, if you're out and she talks to someone else for a while then cool, you talk to other people with you, get to know her friends, at the end of the night she'll probably come over and sit on your knee or kiss you anyway. It'll stop you getting jealous, you'll have and interesting night and she'll know she's onto a winner. Odds are you'll get time alone together at some point anyway You don't even need a full on relationship, enjoy what you've got. Be secure in yourself and don't push things too hard. Remain that cool guy she can have fun with, be the strong, interesting person who she wants to spend time with. [URL="https://mettahu.files.wordpress.com/2013/05/love-is-appreciation.jpg"]this quote sort of applies to relationships/love if you get too controlling and possessive it ceases to be the thing you (both) enjoy[/URL] goodluck[/QUOTE] Thanks MD. Seems like really good advice. Yeah I'm just going to keep it chill and keep hanging out with her as per usual. We haven't had sex yet but I think she's somewhat hinting at it at some point. Last night in the pub her and her friend started talking about 'fuck lists' and she was about to write me one. She said she should add herself but that would be awkward. Fuck knows - I wasn't too comfortable with it as I felt it would possibly devalue our relationship but it eventually just turned into a literal game of hangman.

[QUOTE=Buck.;51228440]Because I talked to her sister.[/QUOTE] Yeah that's a pretty big red flag. Never go behind your partners back to their family.

ive been at my new job for just under a month now. it still fucking amazes me how some people don't appreciate having a job. every job i've worked at, everyone else comes in, does the bare minimum, leaves as soon as they are able to. like i come into work in the afternoon while 2 people worked in the morning. theres fucking piles of paper work to sort, requests from clients to process, phone calls, emails, etc to get through. and when i'm here working with them i swear they spend their time writing fucking emails. am i the only one who gives a shit? its been real bad today, the boss' father in law passed during the week and another psychologist's uncle is on his death bed and i got to work with both of them today in that cheery atmosphere.

I threw away the only woman I ever loved, the sweetest, most pure-hearted person to walk this earth. I lied to her, I manipulated her, I took advantage of her. I worked so hard to get her, then I just squandered it all away because I'm young and dumb. She loved me in the purest, most honest way, and I treated her like shit. I fucking hate myself.

[QUOTE=Wealth + Taste;51244647]I threw away the only woman I ever loved, the sweetest, most pure-hearted person to walk this earth. I lied to her, I manipulated her, I took advantage of her. I worked so hard to get her, then I just squandered it all away because I'm young and dumb. She loved me in the purest, most honest way, and I treated her like shit. I fucking hate myself.[/QUOTE] I feel the same way about my last relationship, mate. All I can say is learn from your mistakes, one day you'll find something similar.

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[QUOTE=OrkO;51247634]By the way, I'm really not the kind of person to just throw around ultimatums like that. The only reason I did here, which hopefully is understandable, is that I don't want to go through the pain of still having feelings for her and being friends with her, while knowing she is off with some other guy. I just couldn't do that.[/QUOTE] That's perfectly understandable, honestly. One thing's for sure, you don't want to stay friends with her if you two break up so that she can go after another dude. I think you're pretty much right on, that she's trying to get all of the positives with none of the negatives, and theoretically her plan in that scenario is that she would have you to fall back on if things don't work out with the new guy. You shouldn't accept being demoted to the backup plan, she has to either make things work with you or cut off everything entirely. I think it's pretty messed up that she will even tell you she has feelings for another guy and wants to give dating him a shot. And after a confession like that I'd be super uncomfortable with her spending any more alone time with him. It might be worth breaking up with her just so you don't have to face that uncertainty. It sounds like she's already mostly cashed out of the relationship, because other dating prospects are pretty much the last thing you should ever discuss with the person you're currently dating. It's inconsiderate at best and insulting at worst.

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Have you talked to her about what it is she wants from him? I think having a better understanding of what she's getting out of him/wants out of him will help you understand what's missing in your relationship, and maybe working on that will help to reconstruct confidence in your relationship for the both of you. Although, tbh, Id probably just leave her if I were in the same scenario. I think if she's doubting your relationship now, it's only going to be a stronger doubt the next time she feels it.

[QUOTE=OrkO;51247787]I pretty much agree with all of that. The thing that complicates it and [B]really confuses me is that it is obvious that she really cares about me[/B]. Honestly, I have no idea why she even entertained the idea of being with this guy in the first place because of it. I know your thought might be that I'm biased and that in reality she probably doesn't care about me as much as I say, but believe me, she does. I think the idea of a long term commitment scares her the longer it goes on, and that she is always looking for possible ways out, and I think this situation is a manifestation of that. She has expressed worry multiple times to me about being stuck with someone (like me) when there could be someone better out there. I just wish there was some way I could make that anxiety she has go away, so she would be happy with me instead of always thinking "what if?" (like "what if he's not right for me and I'm wasting my time in this relationship and there's someone better out there for me?"). I mean, for sure I agree that there are probably "better" people out there for most people, but if you're happy and satisfied with the person you're already with, then who cares? Why get caught up thinking about what could be, rather than simply enjoying what currently is?[/QUOTE] This certainly does not come across in the way you have talked about her

[QUOTE=OrkO;51247634] Post [/QUOTE] Honestly, if she says in your face she'd like to date this other guy, then to me that shows how much - or rather the lack of - respect she has for you. Sorry to be blunt, but I would personally not find her worth the drama.

I'm generally someone who prefers communication first, action second, but her fear of commitment isn't your responsibility, nor should you be forced to listen to her talk about other people in that way and then use her emotion to sway you into staying with her. It sounds like your relationship is based on guilt rather than mutual respect. I can't "believe you" when you say she cares, because it certainly sounds like she only cares about having the best of both worlds. Your expectations for relationships seem so vastly different that it seems like a dead end. She'll be upset but she'll live. I'd end it now. The only place that relationship will go for you is down unless she somehow has an epiphany and decides that she's going to care about more than just herself.

hey how do you approach someone in a party setting with loud music where you cant really talk a lot with everyone dancing. if you are already dancing one on one how do you take the next step. I see a lot of classmates do this with other classmates they never really spoke before

[QUOTE=uitham;51249023]hey how do you approach someone in a party setting with loud music where you cant really talk a lot with everyone dancing. if you are already dancing one on one how do you take the next step. I see a lot of classmates do this with other classmates they never really spoke before[/QUOTE] You show interest and ask them to follow you somewhere where you can talk?

[QUOTE=SebiWarrior;51249078]You show interest and ask them to follow you somewhere where you can talk?[/QUOTE] yeah it seems pretty obvious actually lol im dumb. well should be easy enough with some alcohol involved

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Another girl just decided she was done with me and stopped answering texts after a few weeks of great conversation and dating and such. Back to depression we goooo.

[QUOTE=TheBloodyNine;51249860]Another girl just decided she was done with me and stopped answering texts after a few weeks of great conversation and dating and such. Back to depression we goooo.[/QUOTE] There could be many reasons that she's not answering besides her ghosting you. Don't let it get you down even if she's actually leaving you out to dry, there are always other opportunities to pursue.

[QUOTE=ZombieWaffle;51249919]There could be many reasons that she's not answering besides her ghosting you. Don't let it get you down even if she's actually leaving you out to dry, there are always other opportunities to pursue.[/QUOTE] I ended up texting her a bit ago after a few days of her suddenly ghosting me something like: Me: "Hey" Her: "Hey" Me: "So are we not talking anymore?" 6 hours later Me: "That's a yes then" Days of silence So I'm thinking it's over. Just frustrating. I don't get to meet many people right now which means she was one of the only people I got to actually go out and see. Sick of being alone out here.

[QUOTE=TheBloodyNine;51249967]I ended up texting her a bit ago after a few days of her suddenly ghosting me something like: Me: "Hey" Her: "Hey" Me: "So are we not talking anymore?" 6 hours later Me: "That's a yes then" Days of silence So I'm thinking it's over. Just frustrating. I don't get to meet many people right now which means she was one of the only people I got to actually go out and see. Sick of being alone out here.[/QUOTE] I understand you are frustrated but man you really should have just left it, on the off chance it wasn't her ghosting you, you killed it dead with that exchange.

That was after a few days of silence, which was after a few days of silence punctuated by like, two messages. I don't know, normally I have a sense for when things are over, and it felt pretty over.

[QUOTE=uitham;51249023]hey how do you approach someone in a party setting with loud music where you cant really talk a lot with everyone dancing. if you are already dancing one on one how do you take the next step. I see a lot of classmates do this with other classmates they never really spoke before[/QUOTE] Might get a few disagrees but if they smoke that's always an easy way even if you don't yourself. Just don't make it a habit.

[QUOTE=TheBloodyNine;51250140]That was after a few days of silence, which was after a few days of silence punctuated by like, two messages. I don't know, normally I have a sense for when things are over, and it felt pretty over.[/QUOTE] So... You said "hey", she said "hey", and then you assumed that you were no longer talking because she didn't add anything else. Were your exchanges usually like this? If so, chances are she got tired of you pinning the responsibility of coming up with something to talk about onto her.

[QUOTE=Guy Mannly;51250711]So... You said "hey", she said "hey", and then you assumed that you were no longer talking because she didn't add anything else. Were your exchanges usually like this? If so, chances are she got tired of you pinning the responsibility of coming up with something to talk about onto her.[/QUOTE] I asked that because the past few days she was really dismissive whenever I tried chatting or just ignored me and whatever. I asked that because that that point me trying to strike up conversation was just ignored already. I'd wait a few days and try again since I figured she might have been busy / didn't want to seem clingy or whatever, but nothing. At that point I'd already figured it was over and just wanted to be sure.