Super Friendly Social and Love Advice v8 - Stop spamming her with texts. - General

[QUOTE=srobins;51716010]After updating my pics I'm getting a ton of matches but I still find Tinder to be kind of a drag. I don't know if I'm just shit at it but I get really bored trying to talk to people, it just feels super weird.[/QUOTE] I find that there are a lot of boring and/or arrogant people that put 100% of the initiative on you but every once in a while someone fun comes along. The woman I'm gonna meet was very easy to talk to, everything felt natural and time just flew. It does feel weird when you are starting the conversation though. I just try to push through it, sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn't. [editline]24th January 2017[/editline] [QUOTE=dannyketch;51718632]I sent a girl a message in 2015. Is it time I give up on her writing me back? I mean, it says delivered. Maybe she just never read it?[/QUOTE] Unless this is a joke, the fact that you are still thinking about this tells me that you have the wrong mindset. If you send someone a message and she doesn't reply you, just move on. You are a catch and if she's interested in you and worth it she will write back. There are millions of great women out there so just go out and try your luck with someone different.

It was mostly a joke. I had a big crush on her for a long time but after being facebook friends with her awhile, I found out it was probably best she never wrote back.

I hate dating just because of the bullshit ghosting that doesn't make sense. "I really like you! I can't wait to see you again!" "Alright, I'm free Thursday, what about you?" *never responds again*

[QUOTE=Glitchman;51722429]I hate dating just because of the bullshit ghosting that doesn't make sense.[/QUOTE] I hate dating because I always get infatuated with somebody who doesn't love me back.

I dont think love ever occurs in the dating stages tbh youre probably coming on too strong

Honestly I think it's just chemicals in your head that make you really want to be with someone. Caring and maybe even loving someone doesn't happen over a few weeks if you ask me. Just like any relationship, it takes time to develop an emotional bond. Whether that person is a partner, friend, or family.

[QUOTE=Glitchman;51722429]I hate dating just because of the bullshit ghosting that doesn't make sense. "I really like you! I can't wait to see you again!" "Alright, I'm free Thursday, what about you?" *never responds again*[/QUOTE] had that with a friend when I went down to glasgow last year, hadn't seen her in a couple of years so I figured it'd be good to catch up. "hey want to go for a drink whilst I'm down?" "sure that'd be nice!" doesn't turn up, "oh I finished work late!" "that's alright, just let me know once you're finished and I'll let you know where I am" never replies again

i miss my ex girlfriend a lot. it would be nice to talk to her

[QUOTE=Crpto2007;51723583]i miss my ex girlfriend a lot. it would be nice to talk to her[/QUOTE] I tried a few times and it never worked out let old ghosts rest

[QUOTE=ljh;51723489]Honestly I think it's just chemicals in your head that make you really want to be with someone. Caring and maybe even loving someone doesn't happen over a few weeks if you ask me. Just like any relationship, it takes time to develop an emotional bond. Whether that person is a partner, friend, or family.[/QUOTE] If we're talking about hormones/neurotransmitters, it works in the opposite direction. Chemicals like dopamine play a part in initial attraction. People usually get those dopamine rushes from being around their partner for up to the first 3 years of a relationship. After that, it's up to you and your partner to hold things together.

Hmm, that's really interesting. I thought it was along the lines of. You make me feel good, so I want to stick with you. Due to a biological reaction. Cool to learn.

There's a theory in psych called the hedonic treadmill which states that everyone has a state of normalcy that they ultimately return to. If they go through grief/a particularly happy period (like starting a relationship) their overall state will eventually level out. Even if your life circumstances change permanently you will generally return to the same "default" state sooner or later despite the change.

It's been 4 fucking years since the day I cut ties with the first girl I was ever truly in love with because I couldn't endure the pain of her being with someone else. Is pathetic I know. And is even more pathetic that I can't seem to be able to like any other girl after I met her. I know it sounds melodramatic but it's the truth. I even tried to get on with this one other girl from college that seemed to be into me but I don't know. I was never able to find another girl as caring and lovable as her.

[QUOTE=Glitchman;51722429]I hate dating just because of the bullshit ghosting that doesn't make sense. "I really like you! I can't wait to see you again!" "Alright, I'm free Thursday, what about you?" *never responds again*[/QUOTE] If it all breaks down to etiquette then it's not worth the date. Personally I like sensible people with feelings and humanity. I think honesty and sincerity are the things that atract me the most in people. I hate it when l'm talking to a date and that someone feels like talking to an extra terrestrial mimiking human behavior. I'm all like "why am l even doing this"

[QUOTE=Guy Mannly;51726248]There's a theory in psych called the hedonic treadmill which states that everyone has a state of normalcy that they ultimately return to. If they go through grief/a particularly happy period (like starting a relationship) their overall state will eventually level out. Even if your life circumstances change permanently you will generally return to the same "default" state sooner or later despite the change.[/QUOTE] Whoa that is awesome. This explains a lot about my own behaviour. I can get emotional like anyone, but usually I get to my relaxed easy going mode once the hardships are over. I used to think it was pretty odd how I am able to move on from negative experiences relatively easily. I was just thinking it could be a survival mechanism, but that doesn't make much sense to me either. I'd say this default state is your general emotional baseline and the position of this line varies per person.

[QUOTE=ljh;51728587]Whoa that is awesome. This explains a lot about my own behaviour. I can get emotional like anyone, but usually I get to my relaxed easy going mode once the hardships are over.[/QUOTE] I would say the fact that stressful lifestyles have different effects on a person's long-term mental and physical wellbeing kind of disproves the theory, but with less extreme cases or short-term occurrences (like dealing with a single traumatic event) it makes more sense.

Id talk more but I need to get my final assessment, which funnily enough I am very slightly stressed for.

Last night a guy I often have dinner with casually dropped the fact that he knew certain things about me, something that only my roommate and another person he hardly knows are aware of. I asked him how he knew these things and he said he "didn't remember" and then that I told him. I most certainly did not. Another friend I was eating with did not seem surprised. My roommate said it wasn't him when he sat down. I don't know what to think anymore and I'm really pissed off. What I think happened is this: They've all got this little Facebook group that nobody lets me in and I've always wondered why/felt left out, but now I'm assuming it's because they don't want me to see that they occasionally have discussed my private shit. I know it's pure conjecture but if it's true I'll feel absolutely betrayed. These guys are honestly the best friends I've ever had. any tips as to how I can go about not fucking my friendships up would be appreciated. :(

Uhhh, yeah I'd definitely confront them about it and hold my ground. But I can be sorta abrasive / intolerant when people pull things off like that. In addition, my assessor decided to fail me without any argumentation and was not able to back himself up. He wasn't even able to formulate any points besides my lack of language skills. Because fuck me right?

[QUOTE=Guy Mannly;51726248]There's a theory in psych called the hedonic treadmill which states that everyone has a state of normalcy that they ultimately return to. If they go through grief/a particularly happy period (like starting a relationship) their overall state will eventually level out. Even if your life circumstances change permanently you will generally return to the same "default" state sooner or later despite the change.[/QUOTE] Somehow, I feel like my default state is just melancholy. Sometimes when I'm around friends or not worrying about college, life, or love, I'm less negative. [editline]26th January 2017[/editline] [QUOTE=SoftHearted;51727349]It's been 4 fucking years since the day I cut ties with the first girl I was ever truly in love with because I couldn't endure the pain of her being with someone else. Is pathetic I know. And is even more pathetic that I can't seem to be able to like any other girl after I met her. I know it sounds melodramatic but it's the truth. I even tried to get on with this one other girl from college that seemed to be into me but I don't know. I was never able to find another girl as caring and lovable as her.[/QUOTE] I'm in the same situation right now with a friend. She doesn't know I fell for her, and it pains me not to be able to talk with her about it, but she's in a relationship with a decent guy and I want her to be happy. So I'll probably be nursing this heartache for a while until I only see her as a friend. I wouldn't wish this pain on my worst enemy.

[QUOTE=sourcegamer101;51717552]text[/QUOTE] I've come to understand all of this while the break-up began, and while I am still a little dis-heartened I am understanding about how and why it came to be. I was blind to a lot of the actions that led up to this, the hostility and toxicity of her behaviour towards me wasn't healthy, and because of that I am adjusted to the point to where I know she will never be the girl I fell in-love with. I should have swallowed the pill about her ugly side a long time ago, but I just kept giving in and it eventually led to where I am now, broke-up for the fourth time, kicked out of the house, and back to split custody with my child. The only thing I know is that it will get a lot better now, because despite how much I believed in the good, it can only get brighter without having such a depressing and manipulative person yell and be at my throat every day.

[QUOTE=Sinbues;51732602]I've come to understand all of this while the break-up began, and while I am still a little dis-heartened I am understanding about how and why it came to be. I was blind to a lot of the actions that led up to this, the hostility and toxicity of her behaviour towards me wasn't healthy, and because of that I am adjusted to the point to where I know she will never be the girl I fell in-love with. I should have swallowed the pill about her ugly side a long time ago, but I just kept giving in and it eventually led to where I am now, broke-up for the fourth time, kicked out of the house, and back to split custody with my child. The only thing I know is that it will get a lot better now, because despite how much I believed in the good, it can only get brighter without having such a depressing and manipulative person yell and be at my throat every day.[/QUOTE] good stuff. youll also notice when you take a step back and see the person with a wider lense, it is super easy to see how flawed they really are. their insecurities, their worries, their struggles, it was all there in the beginning, but its hard to see through them when they put up that mask. remember this as well: it kills an unhappy person to see someone content with their life. this is important and changes the way i see people. not in a significant way, but in a broader, more subtle sense. let them wallow in their own unhappiness, you dont need to do anything more than just enjoy your life and be true to yourself

[QUOTE=sourcegamer101;51732672]good stuff. youll also notice when you take a step back and see the person with a wider lense, it is super easy to see how flawed they really are. their insecurities, their worries, their struggles, it was all there in the beginning, but its hard to see through them when they put up that mask. remember this as well: it kills an unhappy person to see someone content with their life. this is important and changes the way i see people. not in a significant way, but in a broader, more subtle sense. let them wallow in their own unhappiness, you dont need to do anything more than just enjoy your life and be true to yourself[/QUOTE] The grass is greener on the otherside my friend.

alright this tinder thing is annihilating my self esteem. I've just started using it bc online dating/dating apps are probably my only realistic shot but I'm going on day 3 of no matches in a college town and used up all my swipes each of the days. Am I doing something wrong here or do I need more time? I think I have decent pics.. I [I]think[/I]. 2 group photos, 1 selfie, and 1 drawing I made because I like to draw and thought that might be fine to show off. Should I try to add 2 more photos to use all the slots? Do i just need to chill and wait it out or any advice on the pics/bio or anything else? bio i thought of as less important and kept it short

Tinder has a swipe allowance?? When did they put that in?

I probably should have said "right swipes." You get 100 of those until having to wait 12 hours for 100 more I think

That's still weird... I preferred OkCupid to Tinder tbh.

I deleted my tinder ages ago but I decided to redownload it recently and also another dating app called bumble at the same time as I've been feeling pretty good lately and like I wouldn't mind a date or two I've had like, no luck with tinder. Same profile, but barely any luck. Whereas on bumble (new account) I've had like 6 matches in the last 4 days and 3 girls have started conversations with me, so I think I know which one I prefer

[QUOTE=killerteacup;51743282]I deleted my tinder ages ago but I decided to redownload it recently and also another dating app called bumble at the same time as I've been feeling pretty good lately and like I wouldn't mind a date or two I've had like, no luck with tinder. Same profile, but barely any luck. Whereas on bumble (new account) I've had like 6 matches in the last 4 days and 3 girls have started conversations with me, so I think I know which one I prefer[/QUOTE] i gotta try bumble again. ive been getting a few matches on Tinder, but 0 responses and I do try to vary up how I open up a conversation to be something relevant to their pictures or profile. oh well, just gotta move on from them

I think its fine to hookup on bumble, but its for people who dont feel comfortable just saying 'hey, you look hot, come have sex with me' like even if I'm hooking up with someone I want to make sure they're not gonna be weird afterwards and I like the whole deal with the woman initiating. I think it must be a safer space for a girl because they dont have to deal with unsolicited dick pics or weirdos sending them shit messages out of the blue ALSO I was JUST walking home right, and i had my headphones in, noone else around on the street and this girl walked past me and like...beelined for me, lightly touched my arm, stared at me in this weird sort of seductive way, then kept walking (I think because i looked so freaked out). It was all completely out of the blue I feel like she might have been high, but I dont want to be second guessing myself here and being unconfident - I don't want to assume she was tripping just because I'm not the most confident dude out there. Do crazy self-confident people do this? this doesn't seem like normal to me. we were just on the street she was really good looking though so if she had like said something to me i would have spoken to her even if it was a weird situation but she just kept walking on