Super Friendly Social and Love Advice v8 - Stop spamming her with texts. - General

i thought about messaging my ex but i've decided in the end it's best i don't. i know it wouldn't work out and that saddens me but theres nothing i can do. our relationship is beyond repair. i don't want to burden her anyway

I just got the equivalent of a C in Maths! :mindblown::joy::saxout::toot: and it's the second positive mark I get during the same school year I feel special

Well I'm quite a tight spot now. Been together with my girlfriend for 4 months now, everything was great, she is the absolute best, we both love each other. She is muslim(but not as much as typical muslim you would think of - praying by the Sun position and wearing a hijab, nono not that), her parents are too. Now we are in a situation where she keeps thinking about the far future of us marrying and the fact that I'm not, in fact, a muslim - not at all. My mother converted to Islam and been telling me stories of it for past 11 years and making me convert, and now Im faced with a fact that my girlfriend is extremely bothered(makes perfect sense) that I'm not a muslim and that her dad won't allow us to even be together(he doesn't know) because I'm not a muslim. Great? Great. [sp]no it's fucking not, FML[/sp] Her point is that she says she is investing so much into our relationship and she doesn't know if it's gonna work out because of religion. Because we aren't both muslim that her dad won't allow it ever. From my point of view, I just see that the only way out is to convert, and that her dad most probably is so religious that he won't accept me as a person at all because I'm not following Islam. She now wants to take a break because of this, because she doesn't see that we will ever resolve this issue(unless I convert) and it's worrying both of us. I don't even know, I have enough on my head already now and now this religion topic is brought up so quickly. I feel like, maybe she has set her expectations a bit too high? Pardon me if I sound like a massive dick, but 4 months into relationship with me having at least a year and a half of uni life making the topic of religion a "make or break" situation feels too much to me. What do you say, FP Relationship Gurus?

Dont convert if you don't want to. It may be difficult but you should be able to work it out with her. Her dad though may be different, i heard many horror stories of conservative parents kicking their kids out for not following their religion

I'm about to sit down with a friend that i basically severed all ties with in august. We still work together, and so i want to extend a hand and see if we can at least be on half-decent speaking terms again, because the last few months have been really uncomfortable for me. Thing is, when i asked her about this yesterday, she seemed like there was NOTHING IN THE WORLD she wanted less than to be talking to me at that moment. So I'm afraid this is gonna be a disaster EDIT: It turned out way better than expected! We actually had a really nice talk for about half an hour, and we're probably going to meet for lunch or something this week to catch up/patch up

[QUOTE=RenegadeCop;51747329]Do not sacrifice your personal thoughts and morals for a relationship. If you converted, you know sure as shit you wouldn't really believe any of the shit. You'd just be lying to everyone. One does not simple "convert" for a relationship without some major brain washing. Don't do that do yourself. I had a similar hurdle, I just told my girlfriend that if she can't accept me being atheist then she will just have to find someone else, because that is who I am and who I always will be. That was 4 months in, we are still together 6 years later. I respect her beliefs, and she respects mine. If someone can't do that, they don't deserve you.[/QUOTE] Pretty much what I was thinking. I don't have anything against Islam, my mum converted because she believed it, and she has been pushing me to convert for 10 years at least. As you can guess, I resist all the time, and I don't feel like loosing that resistance up at this case either. Girl tells me I should do something, that it's in my hands, but is it really? Even my mum herself told her that she has to be patient with me because she realises that I aint gonna switch just like that. Girl mainly has a problem with that because of her dad, not because of our beliefs. I'm orthodox myself(with some knowledge of Islam because of my mum's influence), and I still have the belief that it might be possible to prove to her dad that it can work out.

[QUOTE=RenegadeCop;51747329]Do not sacrifice your personal thoughts and morals for a relationship. If you converted, you know sure as shit you wouldn't really believe any of the shit. You'd just be lying to everyone. One does not simple "convert" for a relationship without some major brain washing. Don't do that do yourself. I had a similar hurdle, I just told my girlfriend that if she can't accept me being atheist then she will just have to find someone else, because that is who I am and who I always will be. That was 4 months in, we are still together 6 years later. I respect her beliefs, and she respects mine. If someone can't do that, they don't deserve you.[/QUOTE] How has that been for you? Do you two discuss religion, or share on occasion religious traditions? (Like church, etc)

Emotional rant. I don't even really care for a girlfriend. I just want to make my parents happy. I have pretty much accepted that I may be incompatible with a romantic relationship, and would be perfectly fine with that, I somewhat expect to live in solitude. But goddamn would I disappoint my parents. All through high school they wanted me to have friends over, go to a party, ask a girl out etc. because they want me to be happy or whatever. They just don't understand that I am a socially awkward insecure introvert, and what makes me happy is being left alone. What kills me, really kills me, is that this will make my parents feel like failures, like they couldn't just raise a normal goddamn child. What's worse is that I am the only male born to my father, so if I don't get some wife and have a kid then there goes the bloodline, generations of pilgrims, architects, and literal rocket scientists all to come to a halt for naught because I can't fucking socialize. I don't want to disappoint my parents, because I love them and they have done so much for me to succeed and put up with me as a child and loved me despite my quirks. They have been wonderful and supportive and the best parents in the whole world and they get repaid with me. [sp]Fucking fuck fuck fuck fuck fuckity goddamn son of a bitch motherfucker.[/sp]

Hey guys. I've been talking to this girl for about 2 years now, and a few months ago she told me that she loved me. The problem is that she lives in California and I live in North Carolina. So naturally, I told her I loved her too, but said since we live so far apart that we should be allowed to date outside of each other, and she's fine with that. I also told her we shouldn't get too attached to each other, because long distance relationships are fragile, and I don't want to break her heart. We also have completely different political views, she absolutely hates Trump, and I don't really care, but don't hate him. Basically she's liberal as hell and i'm conservative as hell. Last night we talked about Trump, and she kept telling me about how all of the Trump protesters are really making a change, and about how she lives so close to LA and sees all this stuff they're doing all the time, and all the shit Trump is doing. Now the problem is, she thinks I don't listen to her, she thinks I blow her off, and disagree with her because I have my own agenda, but really i'm just putting out a disagreement in an argument. Sometimes when we have these discussions, she likes to stop talking for a while, or block me out for maybe 30 minutes, because you know, it's easy to. She also pulled the "minority card" when you can't even tell she's part Mexican. She said: "i don't think you quite understand because you're not a minority like me or the others who have protested against him" Now honestly, she still likes me a lot, and the whole long distance thing is kind of hard to deal with, and i've questioned it a lot, but I honestly don't care about the Trump thing, which saddens me because she is REALLY concerned about it. I don't know what to say, because we have completely opposite views, and we have avoided talking politics for the longest time, but last night we finally broke the silence and I felt all the shittier for it. It just really makes me wish Marco Rubio won the primary's, or Hillary won. Another issue I see is that I feel like she sees me as some sort of fantasy. I feel like she's in love with "the idea" of me, and not the real me. I'm not going to talk to her about this one just yet though, because this is what i'm afraid of more than the whole Trump fiasco. Also i'm afraid of what will happen in the end. I don't know how this will end. She will be heartbroken for sure, but how soon? I'm scared of the end, yet excited, because so many new possibilities will be available.

[QUOTE=Samson0722;51750288]Another issue I see is that I feel like she sees me as some sort of fantasy. I feel like she's in love with "the idea" of me, and not the real me. I'm not going to talk to her about this one just yet though, because this is what i'm afraid of more than the whole Trump fiasco. Also i'm afraid of what will happen in the end. I don't know how this will end. She will be heartbroken for sure, but how soon? I'm scared of the end, yet excited, because so many new possibilities will be available.[/QUOTE] Talk to her about it now. Different political views aren't as much of an issues imo as long as you respect each other's opinion and it seems like she just discards your opinion, because you're not a minority. If you have to break it off, it's going to hurt for sure, but it's better to do it now than to waste another few months trying to fix a malfunctioning relationship.

[QUOTE=HumbleTH;51750689]Talk to her about it now. Different political views aren't as much of an issues imo as long as you respect each other's opinion and it seems like she just discards your opinion, because you're not a minority. If you have to break it off, it's going to hurt for sure, but it's better to do it now than to waste another few months trying to fix a malfunctioning relationship.[/QUOTE] I don't know if I just want to break it off though, because everything is fine except when it comes to politics. We don't really ever argue, I don't think she likes arguing. Anyway thanks for the advice.

You ever feel like you've met the right person a the wrong time in your life?

[QUOTE=Zeos;51752785]You ever feel like you've met the right person a the wrong time in your life?[/QUOTE] All the time.

Had one friend (girl) who was like a bro, we talked about everything every evening, about every problem and suggested advice to each other, no relationship interest whatsoever. Now she left country which initially she said for 2 months now she says she's not coming back. Feeling like slug all day just wandering office at work, depressed into hellhole, I mean absolutely nothing good happening today the only thing that motivates me to move through the day is the fact that I can go to sleep in evening and just forget about everything for few hours while I sleep. This happened to many of close friends I have, they moved away because things are going bad for them here which makes me wonder - what's the point of having close friends if relationship with them is so vulnerable? May as well just talk to people online for the rest of my life, they aren't going to move away anywhere and if they do - they will still be online.

or you can go and make more friends, shit happens dude and you need to force yourself to move on. If you chose to be a nerd and only talk to people online because you're scared of them going, then you can wipe every memory you and your friend had together and your other friends. Sometimes good things have to end, so look back at all the fun you had and move on into the future, those memories will be there forever even if they physically aren't.

I can't stop thinking about my ex girlfriend. I would really just love to talk to her. I'm just worried it wouldn't work though because of my mental illness even though I've gotten so much better. She was a really important part of my life and now she's gone

i think i fucked up with this girl but i'm not sure how, i guess all i can do is try to give her some space [editline]31st January 2017[/editline] but on the other hand she's been overloaded with schoolwork so I don't know if that is why she's been distant, I've not felt this kind of heartache before

[QUOTE=Crpto2007;51757396]I can't stop thinking about my ex girlfriend. I would really just love to talk to her. I'm just worried it wouldn't work though because of my mental illness even though I've gotten so much better. She was a really important part of my life and now she's gone[/QUOTE] Don't. It may be hard but it's something you need to let go since you're ex's for a reason. Speaking to her will only reignite more feelings and make you miss her even more. She was an important part of your life and yeah she is gone now, but there are others out there too and you can't compare them to your ex since everyone is different. Be glad of the time you did get to spend with her and maybe in the future you'll bump into her and have a nice conversation about life. It also makes things a lot harder on you getting into a new relationship if you keep in contact with your ex, since you'd be comparing all the time and the other person, if they find out would also be weirded out depending on how close you still both are [editline]1st February 2017[/editline] [QUOTE=Ninja Gnome;51758230]i think i fucked up with this girl but i'm not sure how, i guess all i can do is try to give her some space [editline]31st January 2017[/editline] but on the other hand she's been overloaded with schoolwork so I don't know if that is why she's been distant, I've not felt this kind of heartache before[/QUOTE] What did you do for starters? and sometimes people just aren't interested man. Schoolwork and such are usually excuses, since if you do like someone you take the time to talk to them.

[QUOTE=Crpto2007;51757396]I can't stop thinking about my ex girlfriend. I would really just love to talk to her. I'm just worried it wouldn't work though because of my mental illness even though I've gotten so much better. She was a really important part of my life and now she's gone[/QUOTE] Please don't. Someone once told me that when you break up with someone you it's best you don't interact with them anymore. They said ending a relationship is similar to when someone close to you dies, and they asked how it would feel if you saw the ghost of a loved one who'd died walking down the street. The answer is it would be upsetting and it would get in the way of overcoming your grief and moving on with your life. As much as you might want to talk to her again, you really shouldn't if you know what's good for you. And honestly, if you can, break off any and all possible methods of communicating with her so that she doesn't contact you out of the blue one day and cause more issues.

It's just I miss her, I haven't met anyone that compared to her. If she ever does decide to talk to me one day I'll be really happy. We haven't talked in over a year and the last time we talked it ended badly

>that compared to her You're the reason you've not found anyone. You may have met multiple people who you've basically blown off because they didn't compare. Comparing is a straight road to misery town. You will be alone for the rest of your life since no one will compare to your ex. You know why? Because everyone is different. She was not perfect because no one is and if she really was that great, you would still be together. You need to get yourself out of this comparing loop, it's been a year. The sooner you do and realise people have a lot to offer, even more than what your ex did, you will be happier.

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[QUOTE=Inkfoot;51760013]Please don't. Someone once told me that when you break up with someone you it's best you don't interact with them anymore. They said ending a relationship is similar to when someone close to you dies, and they asked how it would feel if you saw the ghost of a loved one who'd died walking down the street. The answer is it would be upsetting and it would get in the way of overcoming your grief and moving on with your life. As much as you might want to talk to her again, you really shouldn't if you know what's good for you. And honestly, if you can, break off any and all possible methods of communicating with her so that she doesn't contact you out of the blue one day and cause more issues.[/QUOTE] If the relationship ends amicably there's nothing wrong with staying in contact with an ex.

I've said before in this thread I think but it's all circumstance. One of my exes and I split on good terms, we're still good friends and talk fairly often. Another one left me and really hurt me, I don't see her or speak to her unless I happen to have to interact with her when I fly away, since she works in the airport. If I do happen to see her, I'm polite but that's as far as it goes. Last time I saw her was outside a nightclub, I was designated driver for part of the night so I was sober, she was smashed, she waved at me non stop, got in my face and was shouting "hi" at me the entire time. I said hello, walked past her and left it at that. I do occasionally get updates on her from my other ex (first one I mentioned), if she happens to hear something worrying about her, or if she thinks she's in trouble. I made the decision to avoid any interaction with her though if I can help it because it's what's best for me. There have been times when I've heard particularly worrying things and I've wanted to get involved but I stopped myself because I know it's best for me not to. Each situation is different, there's no hard and fast rule about contact with exes. Sometimes it's fine, sometimes it isn't.

[QUOTE=dcalde78;51762835]I've said before in this thread I think but it's all circumstance. One of my exes and I split on good terms, we're still good friends and talk fairly often.[/QUOTE] How does it feel being good friends with an ex? I imagine it'd be quite painful, at least at first?

[QUOTE=dcalde78;51762835]Each situation is different, there's no hard and fast rule about contact with exes. Sometimes it's fine, sometimes it isn't.[/QUOTE] General consensus I've heard among counselors is that you need to cut contact for a while regardless of how amicably things ended. It gives you time to reassert your own independence. It's very easy to allow yourself to lean too heavily on the person you used to be in a relationship with and cutting contact briefly forces you to recognize the change in your life and adapt to it. [editline]1st February 2017[/editline] [QUOTE=HumbleTH;51762993]How does it feel being good friends with an ex? I imagine it'd be quite painful, at least at first?[/QUOTE] It's not necessarily painful but becoming friends with an ex still involves re-entering a relationship with them, even if it's non-romantic, and can stir up some old feelings. Sometimes you recognize that you were better off as friends. Sometimes being close again just reminds you of why you fell for each other in the first place. Sometimes it reminds you of why you broke up.

[QUOTE=TrannyAlert;51759937]What did you do for starters? and sometimes people just aren't interested man. Schoolwork and such are usually excuses, since if you do like someone you take the time to talk to them.[/QUOTE] she came over to my house for a get together and got drunk when she had been sober for a month. I apologized to her, to which she said it was okay, but then she hasn't responded at all for a few days now. before that we'd talk like every day and she was even excited to play d&d with me, but after it the little we did talk she was distant and we've not talked at all for the past few days. I don't know what it was, maybe it was just how i was when drunk but nobody thought i was being creepy or anything. like, this isn't someone i've just met, i've been talking with her for a few months now and even gone out to eat with her a few times but now its nothing. i'm just going to give her space and maybe message her in a few days and if she doesn't respond to that should i just wait for her to initiate? [editline]2nd February 2017[/editline] like I dunno, I wouldn't be feeling how i do if it was someone i've just met, it is more me wondering what is up. i'd rather get some closure if she doesn't want to talk with me again for any reason than having it be up in the air. i just kind of feel like i'm being ghosted out of nowhere especially since i just saw us as friends.

[QUOTE=HumbleTH;51762993]How does it feel being good friends with an ex? I imagine it'd be quite painful, at least at first?[/QUOTE] It's nice to have someone I've been that close with that I can talk to about certain things that I can't with other people. We got along fine and still do, but there were a couple of things she wanted me to be okay with that I tried doing and it's just not for me. She's into the whole open relationship thing, and whilst nothing happened with anyone else during the time we were together, it's just not my kind of thing. We both want different things out of life as well and I think if we'd stayed together we would have just held each other back. We came to the same conclusion I think, and when we did split up, we both understood the reasoning behind it all. We didn't speak for a few weeks I think, but now it's probably once a week or something like that.

[QUOTE=Ninja Gnome;51764529]she came over to my house for a get together and got drunk when she had been sober for a month. I apologized to her, to which she said it was okay, but then she hasn't responded at all for a few days now. before that we'd talk like every day and she was even excited to play d&d with me, but after it the little we did talk she was distant and we've not talked at all for the past few days. I don't know what it was, maybe it was just how i was when drunk but nobody thought i was being creepy or anything. like, this isn't someone i've just met, i've been talking with her for a few months now and even gone out to eat with her a few times but now its nothing. i'm just going to give her space and maybe message her in a few days and if she doesn't respond to that should i just wait for her to initiate? [editline]2nd February 2017[/editline] like I dunno, I wouldn't be feeling how i do if it was someone i've just met, it is more me wondering what is up. i'd rather get some closure if she doesn't want to talk with me again for any reason than having it be up in the air. i just kind of feel like i'm being ghosted out of nowhere especially since i just saw us as friends.[/QUOTE] Did you try to make a move on her while she was drunk? and I mean you were both drinking and she seemed to want to get drunk too, you didn't force it on her so no need to even apologize. She's a grown adult and can make her own decisions. If I was you, I'd 'cut' contact, as in just don't speak to her at all, do not interact with her and see what happens. She will either contact you (which means maybe she did need time) or she won't contact you at all which means she's just not interested and best on moving on with your life.

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