Super Friendly Social and Love Advice v8 - Stop spamming her with texts. - General

It sounds like he's projecting if anything. You don't tell someone you love them but they're a mistake. You should just call an ultimatum, from what it sounds like, he is being manipulative to an extent. If you say you want to end the relationship, I bet he will do a 180 and start going "omg i love u tho, pls no". That's generally what you will find. If I'm guessing correctly that he manipulates you and makes you feel bad with things such as what you posted, he will shit himself if you're the one to call an end to the relationship. You're not pathetic, asking for help is a strong thing to do, bottling it up isnt.

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The fact that you're so attached to him is what he is abusing. He can say mean and horrible things to you and treat you certain ways knowing that you won't do anything and you won't leave him. It's abuse 101

I find it better to ask/speak on forums (where nobody gives shit or has any self interest) than to friends who could potentially be biased cunts.

[QUOTE=Trillo Lillo;51765405]Thanks for the advice I don't feel ready to ask him to end, because I'm afraid it can end, and I'm way too attached to him.... But every piece of advice helps so thank you for your time[/QUOTE] I don't see why you still have such an attachment when he has caused you so much pain and is clearly still hurting you. I think he's taking advantage of your feelings.

[QUOTE=Trillo Lillo;51765405]Thanks for the advice I don't feel ready to ask him to end, because I'm afraid it can end, and I'm way too attached to him.... But every piece of advice helps so thank you for your time[/QUOTE] If he says to your face he thinks of you as a mistake, that's not healthy. I'd go as far as to call it emotial abuse. Since you're posting here, it's obvious you're not happpy about it, you should take action. Leave him, I know it sounds harsh, but he doesn't have a positive effect in your relationship, if he doesn't have it now, he's not going to have it a year from now. You're just going to be miserable with him.

[QUOTE=TrannyAlert;51765081]Did you try to make a move on her while she was drunk? and I mean you were both drinking and she seemed to want to get drunk too, you didn't force it on her so no need to even apologize. She's a grown adult and can make her own decisions. If I was you, I'd 'cut' contact, as in just don't speak to her at all, do not interact with her and see what happens. She will either contact you (which means maybe she did need time) or she won't contact you at all which means she's just not interested and best on moving on with your life.[/QUOTE] i don't think i did, but it really doesn't matter what i think i did. thanks for the advice, it has gotten much easier now that the initial confusion is fading away. if she contacts me, great, but if not it ain't the end of the world

[QUOTE=Trillo Lillo;51765287]I need help So my boyfriend yesterday said that I'm even worse than one of the most toxic girlfriends he's ever had, and that even though he loves me so much, I'm a big mistake I don't know what to do anymore, if he really sees me like that then what does he takes as "love"??? He makes big deals out of little problems, and I'm having panic attacks because I'm receiving so much negativity not only from him, but from my parents and my oldest brother too. Also I feel now pathetic for writing this in a forum I recently joined instead of talking it to a friend... but yeah, I don't have many friends, lost them last year. sorry.[/QUOTE] Toxic is a very specific word, did he explain what he meant? Not implying it's justified at all, but it could help explain his reasoning/thinking.

[QUOTE=ZombieWaffle;51767186]I don't see why you still have such an attachment when he has caused you so much pain and is clearly still hurting you. I think he's taking advantage of your feelings.[/QUOTE] I think when you have known a person for so long and you share with them so many good memories it becomes increasingly harder to think badly of them. It happened to many of us at some point. You don't want to believe that one person is trying to harm you in any way. Is probably one of the reasons why there's people out there that still suffer trough abusive relationships.

how do you approach issues you're too ashamed to tell, even to yourself? do I simply get a psychologist

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Well im having a lot more luck just actually talking to people on okcupid than tinder 🤔

[QUOTE=Milksprain;51768419]If you're too ashamed to say them out loud you could try to write them down on a paper / in a journal (and throw the pages away even) and gradually work your way up to talking about them, either here or with a close friend or with a professional. Whatever you're comfortable with! There's a lot of things I'm too scared to talk with anyone about, but opening up about it in a journal that no one will ever read helps me a lot because you can vent without judgement[/QUOTE] I strongly recommend doing this. Keeping a mindfulness journal is a great way to get your thoughts organized and think through problems. Just making the effort to express your feelings in words can often help you distance yourself from them and view things more rationally.

[QUOTE=Milksprain;51768419]If you're too ashamed to say them out loud you could try to write them down on a paper / in a journal (and throw the pages away even) and gradually work your way up to talking about them, either here or with a close friend or with a professional. Whatever you're comfortable with! There's a lot of things I'm too scared to talk with anyone about, but opening up about it in a journal that no one will ever read helps me a lot because you can vent without judgement[/QUOTE] I did this for about 2 years and it really helped me when I was going through some tough times. It was cathartic and it helped me feel like I was doing something constructive. When some weeks or months had passed I would look over the old things I'd written and think either "I can't believe how wrong my outlook was back then" or "I had no idea how right I was about that." So it might take a little bit of a time investment but it really helps to put your own thoughts in perspective and validate what you're feeling.

I talk to myself all the time, don't need a journal I need a way to be the classic mindless idiotic 18yo instead of a neurotic self loathing prick

[QUOTE=SebiWarrior;51770476]I talk to myself all the time, don't need a journal I need a way to be the classic mindless idiotic 18yo instead of a neurotic self loathing prick[/QUOTE] talking to yourself and writing a journal imo are two hugely different things. I talk to myself like crazy believe me, and sometimes I think if you're having problems it can make them worse. I don't personally keep a journal, but I've wrote down my thoughts during some hard/confusing times before and its amazing how just writing it down makes a difference, like it just sinks in better than speaking to yourself. Just try it even once it could make a difference.

Could use some advice lads. For those who read my previous post probably learned that I confessed to my crush a few weeks ago. To be honest? Its great, we still talk from time to time, she's always happy to see me and its easier for me to see her as a good friend, But since then its been pretty dull. Also forgot to mention, i'm in a combat role in the military, so i come home 3-2 times a month and later this month i'm being moved to a new, more isolated place far away thus my visits home will be less likely. I really enjoy the 2 days off i get from the army and all of my family comes just to see me, its wonderful. But the thing that really bothers me? My friends. I try to keep in contact with everyone even though i'm busy 95% of the day, and most of them went to uni or are simple army desk workers who go home every day. It's really hard getting them to hang out on the weekends because they keep saying either they're too tired or already have other plans. Of course i try to make plans beforehand, but keep getting excuses. Its been pretty much like this in the past year. It's really depressing getting left out like this. I eat shit most of the week, barely sleep yet i will always be happy to make time for them on my days off, but i feel like nobody even wants to make time for me. So fuck them right? I don't even know where to start, its great spending time with my family but i still feel empty when not going out drinking beer with some good ol' pals. Most of you don't know about the feeling you get when taking the train home after spending 3 weeks in some shithole: i call up everyone, ask them how are they, make plans in my head about spending the weekend etc etc. Then i hit the wall. I spend a few hours at home and i cant hang out with friends because excuses. I really dont wanna feel alone, and i still wanna meet some new people because obviously i cant keep getting excuses from old friends. Help me out FP advice gurus.

[QUOTE=SebiWarrior;51770476]I need a way to be the classic mindless idiotic 18yo instead of a neurotic self loathing prick[/QUOTE] I can second that. How do I not overthink everything and actually talk to people?

[QUOTE=Guy Mannly;51768520]I strongly recommend doing this. Keeping a mindfulness journal is a great way to get your thoughts organized and think through problems. Just making the effort to express your feelings in words can often help you distance yourself from them and view things more rationally.[/QUOTE] I exercise a lot, and log what I do. In addition, I write down how I feel about the training and/or whatever happens on during the day. I can definitely recommend this to people for keeping their emotional health in place. [QUOTE=HumbleTH;51770860]I can second that. How do I not overthink everything and actually talk to people?[/QUOTE] Just join a club or a hobby, basically a social environment of somesorts. Eventually you will feel comfortable with others. It really isn't that difficult once you commit yourself to it. edit: forgot some quotation.

[QUOTE=RzDat;51770856]Could use some advice lads. For those who read my previous post probably learned that I confessed to my crush a few weeks ago. To be honest? Its great, we still talk from time to time, she's always happy to see me and its easier for me to see her as a good friend, But since then its been pretty dull. Also forgot to mention, i'm in a combat role in the military, so i come home 3-2 times a month and later this month i'm being moved to a new, more isolated place far away thus my visits home will be less likely. I really enjoy the 2 days off i get from the army and all of my family comes just to see me, its wonderful. But the thing that really bothers me? My friends. I try to keep in contact with everyone even though i'm busy 95% of the day, and most of them went to uni or are simple army desk workers who go home every day. It's really hard getting them to hang out on the weekends because they keep saying either they're too tired or already have other plans. Of course i try to make plans beforehand, but keep getting excuses. Its been pretty much like this in the past year. It's really depressing getting left out like this. I eat shit most of the week, barely sleep yet i will always be happy to make time for them on my days off, but i feel like nobody even wants to make time for me. So fuck them right? I don't even know where to start, its great spending time with my family but i still feel empty when not going out drinking beer with some good ol' pals. Most of you don't know about the feeling you get when taking the train home after spending 3 weeks in some shithole: i call up everyone, ask them how are they, make plans in my head about spending the weekend etc etc. Then i hit the wall. I spend a few hours at home and i cant hang out with friends because excuses. I really dont wanna feel alone, and i still wanna meet some new people because obviously i cant keep getting excuses from old friends. Help me out FP advice gurus.[/QUOTE] Yeah they're just making excuses, dump em all and try to make new friends. Do you not have any in the military? If not, you should try to make some or join any activites they may have going on? Bit hard in your situation really since you're in the military and travelling.

So I've had a crush on this girl in this art class I go to for a couple months, and Wednesday night I got the courage to ask her her number, which I got. Yesterday I saw her again and we talked, joked around, I made some (probably failed) attempts at flirting with her, and as she left I even asked if she wanted to go out sometime, maybe Friendly's? to which she said sure. I felt on top of the world, I practically skipped out of class that day as I made my way to my car. Aaaaand then as soon as I get in the car I get a text from her basically saying that she isn't interested in a relationship right now and just wants to be friends. God fucking damn it. I know it sounds pathetic, but I pulled an all-nighter last night doing nothing but just crying. I still have some wet tears on my face right now as I'm typing this. She is literally everything I want in a girl. I know that sounds retarded and is probably some crybaby-shit everyone and their dog says about their crush, but I'm serious, dude. She's funny, confident, and really passionate about the things she likes; not only that, we share the exact same interests, have the same type of humor, like all the same shows and movies and shit. And on top of that, she is absolutely, 100% without exaggeration the prettiest girl I have ever seen, not just out of girls that I've met but even the countless women I've seen on the internet and on TV or in magazines and shit. She is objectively a 10/10 in the looks department. So even if I did find some way to get over her, I will [i]never[/i] find a girl as pretty as she is, and I just can't deal with that. So basically, I fucked up big time. I don't know what to do, I don't know what I did wrong, and I don't know how to get over her. I mean, I still haven't gotten over crushes who I haven't heard from in like 10 years, some as early back as fucking fifth grade, and they weren't nearly as perfect or beautiful as this girl was. I know for a fact that I can't just 'be friends' with her, because these feelings are way too intense for that, and if she ended up dating some other guy (because let's face it, "i'm not interested in a relationship right now" is a cop-out answer at worst, and an easy way of putting someone down at best) I'd probably end up killing myself. But the problem is I have to see her almost every day, and while I [i]can[/i] sit at another part of the class where I can't see her, [i]all of my friends including her sit at the same table[/i], so if I wanted to stop seeing her then I'd have to stop seeing every friend I have, too. Stopping going to the class altogether isn't an option either. This post will probably get showered in boxes. I just don't know what went wrong, man, and I don't know how to get the fuck over her, if I even can. If I'm still pining for some girl in fifth grade who gave me her pencil once, then I'm pretty sure this girl is going to fuck my life up permanently.

You barely know her dude, you're just getting worked up in your feelings. Just chill out, take a deep breath and realise it's some random chick in your art class, plenty of other ladies knocking about. Who knows why she bailed, but ah well, luckily you wasn't in deep with her and had it even worse. One thing I'm thinking is that if you were this emotionally attached to someone you barely knew, maybe she got a bit weirded out? I have no idea what your conversations and such were like but you could have been throwing out strange signals and being a bit too much for her? In the end, doesn't matter dude, live and learn

You didn't do anything wrong. She just doesn't want a relationship right now. Doesn't have anything to do with you, most likely. Now, if she goes skipping off with someone else after she told you that, then she probably just wasn't interested. Even then - Poster above me is right. You got insanely attached in such a short amount of time that even if she HAD been interested in a date, you would've set yourself up for failure from the get-go. You don't know her very well, you've only had one class together, and already you're singing her praises like she's the only girl in existence. You have to take a step back and realize that obsessive behavior is only gonna cause your downfall in like 99.9% of cases.

as someone who's self aware enough to realize he sometimes gets into obsessive behavior-ville it never helps. also let's be real, you've known her for maybe all of ~40 hours of interaction? [editline]3rd February 2017[/editline] also: [quote]I know for a fact that I can't just 'be friends' with her, because these feelings are way too intense for that, and if she ended up dating some other guy (because let's face it, "i'm not interested in a relationship right now" is a cop-out answer at worst, and an easy way of putting someone down at best) I'd probably end up killing myself.[/quote] yeaaaaaaa. you need to evaluate how hard you fall for people and how quickly it happens

Yeah, I think you're all right about the obsessive stuff. Thing is, this happens every time I get a crush on a girl. And the feeling of obsession never goes away, like I said, I'm still obsessed with girls I haven't seen in years, I barely remember what they look like (though they probably aren't as good looking as my brain makes me think.) It's just I don't know how to get over the fact that I'll probably never find a girl as pretty as she is, because I seriously wasn't exaggerating when I said she's an absolute 10 and the the most beautiful human being I've ever seen. The other girls I crushed on, yeah they were cute, and even at the time I knew they weren't like supermodel-top quality, but I really didn't care because I liked them just the same. This girl on the other hand belongs on a magazine cover. Also, I didn't have only one class with her, I've known her for a couple months now, it's just that only a few days ago confessed that I was interested. I am worried that I scared her off and, in my attempts at trying not to be a beta bitch and wait too long, I ended up doing the exact opposite and coming on too strong. I mean, I got her number two days ago, then the next day I started flirting with her and I asked her out like three times in the span of one class (first was 'i wanna take you to see beauty and the beast' and she was flattered but said she was going with some girl friends, then I offered to take her out to friendly's or whatever which she said would be cool, then as she left I reiterated that I totally want to take her out some time and she seemed happy. Right after that was when I started leaving too, and when I got the text.)

[QUOTE=roman117;51771600]Yeah, I think you're all right about the obsessive stuff. Thing is, this happens every time I get a crush on a girl. And the feeling of obsession never goes away, like I said, I'm still obsessed with girls I haven't seen in years, I barely remember what they look like (though they probably aren't as good looking as my brain makes me think.) It's just I don't know how to get over the fact that I'll probably never find a girl as pretty as she is, because I seriously wasn't exaggerating when I said she's an absolute 10 and the the most beautiful human being I've ever seen. Also, I didn't have only one class with her, I've known her for a couple months now, it's just that only a few days ago confessed that I was interested. I am worried that I scared her off and, in my attempts at trying not to be a beta bitch and wait too long, I ended up doing the exact opposite and coming on too strong. I mean, I got her number two days ago, [B]then the next day I started flirting with her and I asked her out like three times in the span of one class (first was 'i wanna take you to see beauty and the beast' and she was flattered but said she was going with some girl friends, then I offered to take her out to friendly's or whatever which she said would be cool, then as she left I reiterated that I totally want to take her out some time and she seemed happy. Right after that was when I started leaving too, and when I got the text.)[/B][/QUOTE] yeah that might be why

[QUOTE=roman117;51771600]Yeah, I think you're all right about the obsessive stuff. Thing is, this happens every time I get a crush on a girl. And the feeling of obsession never goes away, like I said, I'm still obsessed with girls I haven't seen in years, I barely remember what they look like (though they probably aren't as good looking as my brain makes me think.) It's just I don't know how to get over the fact that I'll probably never find a girl as pretty as she is, because I seriously wasn't exaggerating when I said she's an absolute 10 and the the most beautiful human being I've ever seen. Also, I didn't have only one class with her, I've known her for a couple months now, it's just that only a few days ago confessed that I was interested.[/QUOTE] dont get so obsessed over how she looks. I guarantee that if you (and you probably will) find a girl at some point down the line, you'll be thinking about how they are pretty much the most beautiful human being you've ever seen. I mean, sure, you might think she's the worlds only 10/10 right now, but what if you'd went on a date with her and it turned out she was a big ol' cunt who shouted at waiters for no reason other than trying to get a refund on her meal, would you still think she's a 10 then? I guess what im trying to say is, you probably don't know nearly enough about her to get so invested, just do what the others are saying, take a step back and just think really. As cliched as it sounds there are others out there. [editline]3rd February 2017[/editline] [QUOTE=roman117;51771600] in my attempts at trying not to be a beta bitch [/QUOTE] dont think like this

[QUOTE=TrannyAlert;51771179]Yeah they're just making excuses, dump em all and try to make new friends. Do you not have any in the military? If not, you should try to make some or join any activites they may have going on? Bit hard in your situation really since you're in the military and travelling.[/QUOTE] I do have lots of friends in the military, problem is that they live in different cities and pretty much prefer to hang with their friends on the weekend. (You know, everyone have their own group) It is an option though, only that its very time consuming to drive to a different city. But it would be great to hang out with them.

If you're playing into the alpha/beta schtick, you've already lost, man.

What do you mean?