Super Friendly Social and Love Advice v8 - Stop spamming her with texts. - General

There's no such hierarchy when it comes to "potential mates" which is what the methodology plays on. We're people with complex personalities, not dogs. And even dogs don't adhere to the alpha/beta garbage. If you're calm and collected and know what you're interested in and are interested in connecting with someone with a personality compatible to yours, then you'll be fine: being an "alpha" doesn't guarantee you anything. Just means you're kind of an asshole.

I used to get attached/obsessed with girls in high school. You think they're the perfect person and you get so high on them and they say no or date someone else and you get crushed, you tell yourself there will never be another person like her, and you beat yourself up over someone that you thought was the one. Then a year later you meet a girl and shes the perfect person... Bouncing off what Pascall said, she may be pretty, but you haven't known her long enough to tell if she's truly as good as you think. You're falling into infatuation which can trap you into thinking you lost the only girl in the world meant for you. But it's not true. There will always be someone else. Always.

I definitely think I came off too strong, and that was what scared her off. I sort of panicked and tried to take whatever chances I could and I got way too excited and creeped her out because of it. I did text her last night saying that basically I respect her decision and am cool with it but I want to keep my distance from her because I still have some pretty serious romantic feelings for her and I don't think I could separate them from the 'friend' relations and just be friends. She was totally cool and understanding which was good, but I'm pretty sure that in doing that I inadvertently friendzoned myself RIGHT AFTER she friendzoned me. I do want to text her and basically apologize for being such a creep but I have some problems with that: 1) I said I would be keeping my distance for a while, so if I just end up texting her out of the blue right after saying that then she'll probably think I'm either needy or that I'm not entirely over it yet and 2) I have no idea how I could go back to being friends with her without completely removing my spine and just being her doormat, because I still want to get with her and take things slow again but I don't know how. I'm also worried that if I get too 'friendly' she'll stop seeing me as a romantic option and start dating other guys because she thinks I'm over it. On the flipside, if I start acting too distant and disinterested she'll think that I'm actually not interested in her anymore and will take the opportunity to start dating other guys. You can tell the big thing I'm worried about is other guys getting to her. I seriously have nightmares about this stuff every time I have a crush, it fucks with me. It's the reason why I rushed in, I was so scared of hesitating too much and being beaten to the punch. So I think I played myself.

[QUOTE=OvB;51772003]I used to get attached/obsessed with girls in high school. You think they're the perfect person and you get so high on them and they say no or date someone else and you get crushed, you tell yourself there will never be another person like her, and you beat yourself up over someone that you thought was the one. Then a year later you meet a girl and shes the perfect person... Bouncing off what Pascall said, she may be pretty, but you haven't known her long enough to tell if she's truly as good as you think. You're falling into infatuation which can trap you into thinking you lost the only girl in the world meant for you. But it's not true. There will always be someone else. Always.[/QUOTE] This. Almost two years ago, after finishing 11th grade, I was devasted, because I found out we had to move again, right after I became friends with my crush there. Ended up moving to where I am now, finished high school with much better grades, met a really great girl, it will be 11 months of dating tomorrow, and just 3 months left of long distance.

[QUOTE=roman117;51772057]I definitely think I came off too strong, and that was what scared her off. I sort of panicked and tried to take whatever chances I could and I got way too excited and creeped her out because of it. I did text her last night saying that basically I respect her decision and am cool with it but I want to keep my distance from her because I still have some pretty serious romantic feelings for her and I don't think I could separate them from the 'friend' relations and just be friends. She was totally cool and understanding which was good, but I'm pretty sure that in doing that I inadvertently friendzoned myself RIGHT AFTER she friendzoned me. I do want to text her and basically apologize for being such a creep but I have some problems with that: 1) I said I would be keeping my distance for a while, so if I just end up texting her out of the blue right after saying that then she'll probably think I'm either needy or that I'm not entirely over it yet and [B]2) I have no idea how I could go back to being friends with her without completely removing my spine and just being her doormat, because I still want to get with her and take things slow again but I don't know how. I'm also worried that if I get too 'friendly' she'll stop seeing me as a romantic option and start dating other guys because she thinks I'm over it. That part I'm very scared of and have actually had nightmares about in the past. [/B] So I think I played myself.[/QUOTE] bruh you got blown off, you don't have any right to say that she can or can not date

[QUOTE=LordCrypto;51772067]bruh you got blown off, you don't have any right to say that she can or can not date[/QUOTE] Yeah I know that, I'm just mortified by the idea of her dating some other guy. Like I said, I've had nightmares about this, to the point where thinking about it gives me panic attacks. I think I have a problem with this because I do remember one of my first crushes was the same thing; I hesitated too long, she lost interest and started dating another dude, and long story short I attempted suicide the first time in my life and had to be put into homeschooling. It sounds selfish as fuck and I know, but I just want her so bad and the pain is more agonizing than anything I've felt, and I know that she's allowed to date other guys and I have no say in that, I understand that completely, but the thought of it still makes my entire torso feel like a black hole.

[QUOTE=roman117;51772057]I definitely think I came off too strong, and that was what scared her off. I sort of panicked and tried to take whatever chances I could and I got way too excited and creeped her out because of it. I did text her last night saying that basically I respect her decision and am cool with it but I want to keep my distance from her because I still have some pretty serious romantic feelings for her and I don't think I could separate them from the 'friend' relations and just be friends. She was totally cool and understanding which was good, but I'm pretty sure that in doing that I inadvertently friendzoned myself RIGHT AFTER she friendzoned me.[/QUOTE] I don't understand the whole friendzone thing. You're not some sort of runner up, she just doesn't have romantic feelings for you or doesn't want to date you right now. Fuck, the girl I'm with right now was dating someone when I first got here, it was still lots of fun talking to her.

[QUOTE=roman117;51772088]Yeah I know that, I'm just mortified by the idea of her dating some other guy. Like I said, I've had nightmares about this, to the point where thinking about it gives me panic attacks. I think I have a problem with this because I do remember one of my first crushes was the same thing; I hesitated too long, she lost interest and started dating another dude, and long story short I attempted suicide the first time in my life and had to be put into homeschooling. It sounds selfish as fuck and I know, but I just want her so bad and the pain is more agonizing than anything I've felt.[/QUOTE] this is now no longer a problem for schmucks on the internet

hoooollyyyyyy shitttttttt lol bruh you seriously need to go back and read your last 5 posts word for word out loud do you realize how insane you sound? this kind of shit happens literally do this: 1) go to [URL="http://www.reddit.com/r/nsfw_gif"]www.reddit.com/r/nsfw_gif[/URL] and get rid of your stuff, you can't think straight when your dick is doing your thinking instead of your brain 2) go back and re-read your posts 3) ignore this chick because she doesnt want you bro, no hard feelings but thats it 4) move on and find someone else [B]the biggest thing you really need to do occurs between step 3 and 4. you need to learn how to not be so emotionally dependent upon some longstanding crush/obsession, its not healthy[/B]

also you need to be able to consistently do that thing between step 3 and 4

go do some strenuous activity like running start learning how to do a mile or something you'll get sunlight, be healthier, and you won't have time to sit around and just feel bad because you'll be tired from running

[QUOTE=PollytheParrot;51772111]3) ignore this chick because she doesnt want you bro, no hard feelings but thats it 4) move on and find someone else [B]the biggest thing you really need to do occurs between step 3 and 4. you need to learn how to not be so emotionally dependent upon some longstanding crush/obsession, its not healthy[/B][/QUOTE] [QUOTE=LordCrypto;51772117]also you need to be able to consistently do that thing between step 3 and 4[/QUOTE] I don't know if I can do this, or even how. I don't know if I want to move on, because I feel like I made the catch of a lifetime here and I'm floundering trying to hold onto it (pun unintended). It just hurts so bad knowing that I'll probably never get a chance like this with a girl like her. I feel like she's 'the one' or whatever, but I messed up my chances and have to salvage it as soon as possible or risk losing her. Also I don't know what's so insane about my posts... I read everything back and I didn't see anything overly... creepy? weird? psychotic? I just don't wanna be alone, man. Also fapping doesn't help, believe me I tried.

Yeah I honestly don't have much to contribute that hasn't already been said. I legitimately don't think you'll be ready to have a mature relationship until you can effectively see a girl you like as just that. "A girl I like". Not some perfect goddess that requires your utmost emotional and physical commitment to the point where any slight against you is some sort of attempt at scorn. If she talks to you then that means she sees you as a friend and that's totally fine. But if you don't think you're mature enough to handle just a friendship rather than something more, then you need to stop talking to her. Especially if you feel like seeing her with another guy will drive you to suicidal tendencies again. [editline]3rd February 2017[/editline] [QUOTE=roman117;51772174]I don't know if I can do this, or even how. I don't know if I want to move on, because I feel like I made the catch of a lifetime here and I'm floundering trying to hold onto it (pun unintended). It just hurts so bad knowing that I'll probably never get a chance like this with a girl like her. I feel like she's 'the one' or whatever, but I messed up my chances and have to salvage it as soon as possible or risk losing her. Also I don't know what's so insane about my posts... I read everything back and I didn't see anything overly... creepy? weird? psychotic? I just don't wanna be alone, man. Also fapping doesn't help, believe me I tried.[/QUOTE] She's not the one if she's not interested. [editline]3rd February 2017[/editline] That's like me saying Ryan Gosling is the one because I REALLY REALLY REALLY like him.

just in case this isnt clear to you (it isnt obviously) you arent "losing" her, you never "had" her and girls arent property unless you live in the middle east or some places in africa so dont sound so possessive you arent salvaging this, you got rejected, you seriously need to move on.

Shit I don't even see my own boyfriend as a perfect, infallible being and he doesn't see me that way either. People are people. And putting them up on a pedestal is the number one way to being disappointed in like every sort of relationship-related endeavor that you take on.

[QUOTE=roman117;51772174]I don't know if I can do this, or even how. I don't know if I want to move on, because I feel like I made the catch of a lifetime here and I'm floundering trying to hold onto it (pun unintended). It just hurts so bad knowing that I'll probably never get a chance like this with a girl like her. I feel like she's 'the one' or whatever, but I messed up my chances and have to salvage it as soon as possible or risk losing her. [B]Also I don't know what's so insane about my posts... I read everything back and I didn't see anything overly... creepy? weird? psychotic?[/B] I just don't wanna be alone, man. Also fapping doesn't help, believe me I tried.[/QUOTE] "i'll literally kill myself if she dates someone other than me"

[QUOTE=roman117;51772174]I don't know if I can do this, or even how. I don't know if I want to move on, because I feel like I made the catch of a lifetime here and I'm floundering trying to hold onto it (pun unintended). It just hurts so bad knowing that I'll probably never get a chance like this with a girl like her. I feel like she's 'the one' or whatever, but I messed up my chances and have to salvage it as soon as possible or risk losing her. Also I don't know what's so insane about my posts... I read everything back and I didn't see anything overly... creepy? weird? psychotic? I just don't wanna be alone, man. Also fapping doesn't help, believe me I tried.[/QUOTE] theres no such thing as a perfect catch, stop trying to think like there's this "one" person you'll see somewhere who will be the person you spend your whole life with or whatever, shit like that doesn't happen in the real world. Stop worrying that because there's this one person you've found that you think "oh they look nice" that you'll never find anyone who appeals to you ever again, just because this passes you by doesn't mean you'll be alone for the rest of your life, which is hardly a thought you should really be having if you're in college or w/e - what age are you? I mean it's not like your in your 50s or anything here. There's nothing to salvage, just drop it tbh thats all I can advise you to do. If you keep running after her, idolizing her as the perfect person (even though there are millions of those out there), all you are going to do is hurt yourself more.

[QUOTE=Pascall;51772197]Shit I don't even see my own boyfriend as a perfect, infallible being and he doesn't see me that way either. People are people. And putting them up on a pedestal is the number one way to being disappointed in like every sort of relationship-related endeavor that you take on.[/QUOTE] Ain't nobody perfect. Everyone deals with issues. Some more or less than others.

honest realtalk post: you should go talk to someone, if you're getting hung up enough on someone to have legitimate suicidal thoughts (for not the first time) you need help

I once had this extreme crush on a chick in highschool. I was obsessed with her and because of it I never had the courage to talk to her because meeting with such a [I] perfect [/I] person was incredibly intimidating and difficult for socially awkward and slightly depressed young me. So I wallowed in it and it only drove me more into depression. It was really unhealthy. Long story short I got over her when I left high school. I was bored one day and decided to look her up on Facebook... She's now a single mother, with neck tattoos and a trashy ghetto style. Needless to say, she wasn't the perfect girl I thought I lost.

[QUOTE=LordCrypto;51772240]honest realtalk post: you should go talk to someone, if you're getting hung up enough on someone to have legitimate suicidal thoughts (for not the first time) you need help[/QUOTE] Yeah. I've been talking to my best friend from class who is awesome, she's been helping me since last night. I've wanted to see a therapist for the past few years, but every month I ask my parents if they could schedule an appointment and every single time that month passes by without even an acknowledgement that they remember me asking them despite saying 'oh sure', and then the next month I'll prod them again. It's just so tiring because I really want the help but the only way I can get a therapist is through my folks and if they don't do anything then I'm screwed. I am 18, but I can't see one on my own because A, I don't know how to drive, and B, I don't have a job or my own insurance. It's not a money problem, my parents literally told me that they pay nothing for my health insurance, so I don't know why they've been procrastinating so heavily when I keep telling them that I have suicidal thoughts. [QUOTE=OvB;51772243]I once had this extreme crush on a chick in highschool. I was obsessed with her and because of it I never had the courage to talk to her because meeting with such a [I] perfect [/I] person was incredibly intimidating and difficult for socially awkward and slightly depressed young me. So I wallowed in it and it only drove me more into depression. It was really unhealthy. Long story short I got over her when I left high school. I was bored one day and decided to look her up on Facebook... She's now a single mother, with neck tattoos and a trashy ghetto style. Needless to say, she wasn't the perfect girl I thought I lost.[/QUOTE] I've had the same thing, but I never got over them. I said it before, but I've had crushes from fuckin' elementary school or whatever that I still can't get over, which is fucking gross because ew they're like 10 what the fuck brain. I don't even remember any of their names though so I can't look them up.

I was in similar situation before (and still am, though now attached to memories and some sort of phantoms). Used to like one girl for 3 years, we were in same university. Friendzoned ofc, kept torturing me un-intentionally (I hope) by telling me all about her sex life. I had mental break down in year 3, I turned from correct-guy (non smoking, not drinking, all polite) into: Tried probably 15+ different substances, still smoking and a medal holder of heavy-weight drinker who doesn't care about peoples feelings. During my mental breakdown period - I went insane and smashed through plaster walls at home from anger, I even fucking proposed to her (idk what I was thinking, I wasn't in my mind, I can't even clearly recall events, it was all so dreamy). In the end I ended up having a big fight with her and not talking anymore, it's been 4 years and we haven't spoken a single word to each other (and I hope we never will), all my friends are aware of it and never bring her up (they dont know her but my friends have mutual friends with that girl), so if they hear something - they will never bring it up. Yes I do realize it's not a solution to keep myself in this safe-space and instead I should just live and hear whatever happens and just discard it but it's hard. If I do hear about her - my whole day tends to fuck up and I fall into depression but I know - once I meet the right one for me - I will forget her, until that time, the only solution I have is to keep myself busy and focus on career. I've been on many dates since then, and whenever I am with some other girl - even if I remember the girl from uni, I give 0 shits so yeah, if I get into good relationship it will blow-over. My advice: Quit cold turkey if you like someone and they don't like you back, don't hope or wait for her to change her feelings, it rarely happens and when it does - it doesn't last long. Instanity is a thing. P.S - Pro Tip from me: Don't watch The Great Gatsby :v: (I proposed to her and kept attached myself to her for another year after watching that shit)

[QUOTE=roman117;51772272]Yeah. I've been talking to my best friend from class who is awesome, she's been helping me since last night. I've wanted to see a therapist for the past few years, but every month I ask my parents if they could schedule an appointment and every single time that month passes by without even an acknowledgement that they remember me asking them despite saying 'oh sure', and then the next month I'll prod them again. It's just so tiring because I really want the help but the only way I can get a therapist is through my folks and if they don't do anything then I'm screwed. I am 18, but I can't see one on my own because A, I don't know how to drive, and B, I don't have a job or my own insurance. It's not a money problem, my parents literally told me that they pay nothing for my health insurance, so I don't know why they've been procrastinating so heavily when I keep telling them that I have suicidal thoughts. I've had the same thing, but I never got over them. I said it before, but I've had crushes from fuckin' elementary school or whatever that I still can't get over, which is fucking gross because ew they're like 10 what the fuck brain. I don't even remember any of their names though so I can't look them up.[/QUOTE] do you not schedule your own medical appointments edit: reading is hard yes you do have insurance if they're scheduling medical appointments for you, you're covered?? public transit and uber is a thing

[QUOTE=arleitiss;51772274] P.S - Pro Tip from me: Don't watch The Great Gatsby :v: (I proposed to her and kept attached myself to her for another year after watching that shit)[/QUOTE] Bruh lmao Isn't the message of the Great Gatsby that obsession turns people into idealizations? Pretty sure Gatsby was like disgustingly obsessed with Daisy to the point where he didn't even really know her. The movie did a terrible job at portraying that tho lol.

[QUOTE=LordCrypto;51772288]do you not schedule your own medical appointments serious question how old are you[/QUOTE] I turned 18 literally like four weeks ago, I'm still getting used to the whole 'being an adult' thing. And no, I don't schedule my own appointments, I don't even know how to. My parents always just took me to the dentist or for a checkup or whatever, although that was years ago, I haven't been to a doctor in like six years so maybe I should start making some calls. EDIT: Saw your edit: 'yes you do have insurance if they're scheduling medical appointments for you, you're covered??' I guess?? I don't know how insurance or whatever works, I thought I needed my parents permission or whatever to use their insurance, and then when that runs out I use whatever insurance my job gives me, if it even does. 'public transit and uber is a thing' I live in the woods, there ain't no buses here pham.

[QUOTE=roman117;51772303]I turned 18 literally like four weeks ago, I'm still getting used to the whole 'being an adult' thing. And no, I don't schedule my own appointments, I don't even know how to. My parents always just took me to the dentist or for a checkup or whatever, although that was years ago, I haven't been to a doctor in like six years so maybe I should start making some calls.[/QUOTE] you pick up the phone, you call a medical professional, "hi i'd like to schedule an appointment" "okay, what insurance do you have?" "united bluegreen shieldcross" "okay great we accept that"

[QUOTE=Pascall;51772302]Bruh lmao Isn't the message of the Great Gatsby that obsession turns people into idealizations? Pretty sure Gatsby was like disgustingly obsessed with Daisy to the point where he didn't even really know her. The movie did a terrible job at portraying that tho lol.[/QUOTE] Yeah that's the point but it showed me that after a while it might work out, I was insane back then, what do you expect me to learn :v:

[QUOTE=arleitiss;51772344]Yeah that's the point but it showed me that after a while it might work out, I was insane back then, what do you expect me to learn :v:[/QUOTE] Gatsby died !!! ! ! ! [editline]3rd February 2017[/editline] Also if you need help making appointments, it's not so hard! I was a little nervous when I first started making mine but with how often I go to the doctor for illness and stuff, I had to get used to it. I've had to make appointments at my GP (which I had to find a new one by myself), my gastro doctor (which I found by myself!) , had to find myself a new dentist, had my first visit to a gyno, and an appt. at an allergy center. It kinda becomes really mundane and annoying after doing it so much lol.

shit all this talk of making medical appointments reminds me i need to book a dive physical [editline]3rd February 2017[/editline] it's super easy just call people and then say things calling people and saying things is one of the easiest things to do in general

Remember kids, please go to the dentist every 6 months for a checkup otherwise you end up like me and have to get three filings in the span of two months. And then you LOSE a filling and then have to go back a month later to get ANOTHER one done.