Super Friendly Social and Love Advice v8 - Stop spamming her with texts. - General

i haven't seen my dentist in 7 years

[QUOTE=Pascall;51772361]Remember kids, please go to the dentist every 6 months for a checkup otherwise you end up like me and have to get three filings in the span of two months. And then you LOSE a filling and then have to go back a month later to get ANOTHER one done.[/QUOTE] oh fuck that just made me realize i think i had an appointment last month that i forgot about [editline]3rd February 2017[/editline] FALSE ALARM its next month

I'm terrified of dentists so going in for my first ever filling was probably the worst thing. But fillings themselves aren't awful. Just really... annoying and they take too long for my tastes. But it's survivable if you have a good one. Just let 'em know to go slow and explain what they're doing. Helps a lot. Anyway, keeping up to date with physicals and things like that is a good way to feel more productive while also keeping yourself healthy. On the specific note of therapy, however: some universities or community colleges offer free mental health counseling. I can't afford outside therapy so I visit my school's mental health office and they're just as good as any outside therapist, imo. The only thing is I'm limited to 12 sessions each school year, but I can take advantage of group sessions all I want. Do some digging around and see what's available.

Here's another question I got How do you start caring for yourself? When you have no reason to exercise, eat healthy and all that jazz?

[QUOTE=SebiWarrior;51772463]Here's another question I got How do you start caring for yourself? When you have no reason to exercise, eat healthy and all that jazz?[/QUOTE] I turn it into a sort of game. I struggle to do that too and even now I don't really make a huge habit out of it. But I'm kinda competitive? So if I can challenge a friend or my boyfriend to doing something then I'm a little more driven to actually do it because I don't wanna lose. You have to figure out what motivates you and play off of that. I'm also a huge hypochondriac so being healthy kinda eases some of my stress off. It's not easy and I still don't do anywhere near as much as I'd like to but it's a step.

[QUOTE=SebiWarrior;51772463]Here's another question I got How do you start caring for yourself? When you have no reason to exercise, eat healthy and all that jazz?[/QUOTE] force yourself into a routine is what I did when it comes to the gym. About last summer I started basically just forcing myself to go to the gym where I mostly did weights, after a while it becomes part of your routine, you start to look forward to it, you start to see results, and that makes you keep going. recently I started running again (which was something I'd stopped because of an injury) and idk if its maybe just be but I get such a buzz of adrenaline from just making myself super breathless from a good run, and i've just been looking forward to that feeling almost every day now. I mean, up until like, two maybe 3 years ago I lived a really sedentary lifestyle, had no reason to go out and do any of this, but when you just start doing it, you enjoy it.

[QUOTE=SebiWarrior;51772463]Here's another question I got How do you start caring for yourself? When you have no reason to exercise, eat healthy and all that jazz?[/QUOTE] My own motivator for eating healthy is actually just insecurity. I get embarrassed buying junk food at the store. As dumb as it is, the end result is that I mostly buy fresh food and cook most of my meals. Once you've had a good diet for a while you become less tolerant of junk food as well. Eating shitty food can make you feel ill and it loses its allure. The hardest part is just getting started. Find something you enjoy doing for exercise. I fucking hate running and I'm insecure about working out in public so I play DDR at home for cardio. If you can find a way to fit it naturally into your schedule it becomes easier. For instance, my rock climbing gym is in the same town as my uni (30 mins from home for me), so it feels most natural for me to stop there after class. It's a lot easier to force yourself to go to the gym if you're already a few blocks away from it. (I take advantage of my self-consciousness here, too - if I walk in and the place is packed, at that point it's too late for me to turn tail and run, so I end up staying despite my embarrassment.) In my case the scarcity effect helps too since I'm not going to drive all the way over there if I don't have class - "If I don't go today, I'm not going to be able to until Monday, so I might as well do it now". Signing up for classes you have to attend regularly helps with this too. While you're getting started, I would suggest taking things one step at a time and trying not to overwhelm yourself. Instead of setting a strict schedule, for instance, you could plan to do something x times a week. Focus on the act of getting started rather than the commitment that follows that. For instance, focus on the actual act of dragging yourself to the gym and getting on the treadmill - don't psych yourself out by telling yourself you have to stay on it for 30 minutes.

[QUOTE=roman117;51772303] 18 year old common issues [/QUOTE] I'd like you to listen. I usually don't care enough to write up this much. Hopefully I'm not too confrontational for you. I tend to be and not everyone likes me for it. I can say from experience that most people have been obsessed or "incredibly in love" with a potential partner a few times. It's nothing special and a really common "mistake". Honestly It's kind of a stupid way to act, really. I've been on both sides of it. Me being obsessive, but also on the receiving end of the dramatic bullshit. My point is, if you're a teen then you're probably a bit of an emotional dumb-ass. And that's fine, as long as you don't stick in it. You will end up being an immature person if you do, which will result in not being taken very seriously. But most importantly, you'll just feel miserable all the time. I'm sure you don't want that. At least, it is not necessary to want that. In short, both people that end up in such relationships are gonna have a really bad time. Realize this and learn from it. I don't know your situation very well, so use some common sense and try to learn from it. Being clingy, or having someone depend on you too much on an emotional level is just bloody annoying. In addition, it makes you come across as needy and emotionally dependent. Sure you may be the most attractive person in the world, or not. But the other partner will eventually just get annoyed with you because you'll be too difficult to be around with. You need to change your mindset if you want to have long-lasting relationships with people. You said you felt alone, and that's okay. I'm pretty sure that is your underlying issue, as opposed to needing a relationship with this girl. If there's one thing I want you to understand it is to: [B]not depend on one source for social interaction and your emotional needs; in your case a girl who you happen to find attractive. [/B] In normal words, I think you need friends to hang out with, people to talk with and enjoy spending time with. Or just a hobby to do. Join a club, start exercising, you gotta build on small personal accomplishments if you want to feel better. It doesn't just "happen". I am sure you will feel better once you start doing that. Dealing with emotional issues is not that difficult once you commit to identifying them and finding appropriate ways to handle them. Take advice of what some others said and start a journal to put your feelings on paper. I'm too tired to re-read this and need to sleep. edit: failed quotation again ffs, some sentences

[QUOTE=ljh;51772627]I'd like you to listen. I usually don't care enough to write up this much. Hopefully I'm not too confrontational for you. I tend to be and not everyone likes me for it. I can say from experience that most people have been obsessed or "incredibly in love" with a potential partner a few times. It's nothing special and a really common "mistake". Honestly It's kind of a stupid way to act, really. I've been on both sides of it. Me being obsessive, but also on the receiving end of the dramatic bullshit. My point is, if you're a teen then you're probably a bit of an emotional dumb-ass. And that's fine, as long as you don't stick in it. You will end up being an immature person if you do, which will result in not being taken very seriously. But most importantly, you'll just feel miserable all the time. I'm sure you don't want that. At least, it is not necessary to want that. In short, both people that end up in such relationships are gonna have a really bad time. Realize this and learn from it. I don't know your situation very well, so use some common sense and try to learn from it. Being clingy, or having someone depend on you too much on an emotional level is just bloody annoying. In addition, it makes you come across as needy and emotionally dependent. Sure you may be the most attractive person in the world, or not. But the other partner will eventually just get annoyed with you because you'll be too difficult to be around with. You need to change your mindset if you want to have long-lasting relationships with people. You said you felt alone, and that's okay. I'm pretty sure that is your underlying issue, as opposed to needing a relationship with this girl. If there's one thing I want you to understand it is to: [B]not depend on one source for social interaction and your emotional needs; in your case a girl who you happen to find attractive. [/B] In normal words, I think you need friends to hang out with, people to talk with and enjoy spending time with. Or just a hobby to do. Join a club, start exercising, you gotta build on small personal accomplishments if you want to feel better. It doesn't just "happen". I am sure you will feel better once you start doing that. Dealing with emotional issues is not that difficult once you commit to identifying them and finding appropriate ways to handle them. Take advice of what some others said and start a journal to put your feelings on paper. I'm too tired to re-read this and need to sleep. edit: failed quotation again ffs, some sentences[/QUOTE] I do already have friends that I hang out with and talk to, who I've met through my hobbies. But I don't know that solves the underlying issue. I have plenty of sources for social interaction, I have a lot of friends who I talk to and hobbies that I enjoy. Those are things that should satisfy me and make me happy, but they don't. When I said I felt alone, I didn't mean socially, I meant romantically and sexually. I feel like that is where the biggest void in my life lies, the one thing that's constantly on my mind and is what I'm always miserable about; the fact that no girl has ever found me attractive, or reciprocated my attraction to them. That's what matters to me more than anything. Honestly, all I want is a girlfriend, but specifically [i]this girl.[/i] And since I basically friendzoned myself and destroyed my chances with her, it feels like I've ended my own life prematurely. I know for a fact that I'll never be happy with anyone but her. I don't know what I can do about that.

[QUOTE=roman117;51773077] I know for a fact that I'll never be happy with anyone but her. I don't know what I can do about that.[/QUOTE] no you dont. have you been reading what we've been saying??

there's that unhealthy obsession/fixation again [editline]3rd February 2017[/editline] you didn't "ruin your chance with her" you NEVER FUCKING HAD A CHANCE AT ALL sorry to be blunt but a medium case of spaghetti does not ruin a chance if someone's actually into you there never was a chance to ruin

[QUOTE=LordCrypto;51773095]there's that unhealthy obsession/fixation again [editline]3rd February 2017[/editline] you didn't "ruin your chance with her" you NEVER FUCKING HAD A CHANCE AT ALL sorry to be blunt but a medium case of spaghetti does not ruin a chance if someone's actually into you there never was a chance to ruin[/QUOTE] I really think there was, though. She [i]had[/i] shown signs that she was attracted to me; laughing at my stupid jokes, complimenting me way more than other people, showing genuine praise in all of my accomplishments, even breaking the touch barrier. Stuff she didn't do with any of her other guy friends. I was very shy and she went out of her way to talk to me. That went on for months, and yesterday I finally worked up the confidence, but it ended up being too much confidence and I scared her off, and she gave me that cop-out 'i'm not interested in a relationship right now' answer. You even said that was probably the cause yourself. All my friends say that maybe she means it and she really would go out with me at a later date, but I don't know if that's true. If I had taken things slow, maybe just asked her out for coffee or something instead of dinner and a movie and a box of chocolates right off the bat then maybe we could have been something, but instead I killed my chances and I know that I'll never be able to settle for anything less than her.

i've broken the touch barrier with like 2 or 3 of my female friends, and they laugh at my stupid jokes and hell one of them we're way more emotionally intimate than opposite-sex friends should ever be doesn't mean we're gonna bang??? also JESUS FUCKING CHRIST. if someone says "i'm not interested in a relationship right now" you respect that (because 9 times out of 10 there's an implied "with you" in there as well that's just how it works), you don't go posting on a forum about could-bes and what-ifs you didn't scare her off, she (probably) was never interested in you to begin with and when you went full court press on her she realized you and her had different ideas of what your friendship was [editline]3rd February 2017[/editline] here's my absolutely foolproof way of determining if someone is into you "hey, want to go on a date?" "yes" -- she's probably into you "no" -- she's not into you "i can't on x date because reason, but let's do y date" -- maybe she's into you "i don't want a relationship right now" -- she's not into you

stop being dependent on girls for your happiness and learn to be happy on your own first bruh you will have such a more positive outlook on life like that edit: i must add that ive seen friends fall into the "need relationship to be happy" trap so many times, and ive even fallen into it as well. ive thought i was ready for relationships when i was young, but looking back 3 years from now i was nowhere near close. i was insecure, had no style, no goals, had bad social skills, and only a handful of friends. i wasnt ready at all. i was just unhappy with my life and thought that female affection would fix it. take a big long look at yourself and find out why you are unhappy. confront your demons and kill them

I touch guy friends all the time because I'm a touchy person when I'm friendly. Means absolutely nothing.

[QUOTE=RenegadeCop;51773288]And I touch absolutely none of my friends because I am not a touchy person, but I still care for them dearly. Lmao I give them handshakes. The "she laughs at my jokes!" thing is super cliche, too. Answer this: Why are you not happy on your own? Why do you[I] need [/I]this romantic involvement?[/QUOTE] I don't know... I have basically everything I could need to happy. Great friends who support me, a loving family, my family is rich and I have a nice house on a lake, and I have tons of hobbies that I enjoy. But it feels like none of that matters, the only thing that can make me happy is a girlfriend. I don't know why I need it, I wish I could be happy on my own and stop fucking feeling like this, because it sucks, and it just sounds so fucking pathetic when I tell it to people. The moments before she friendzoned me were the happiest I had ever been in my life, and I probably would have been over the moon forever if it didn't turn out she doesn't feel the same way. Now I just feel like there's no point.

You gotta stop seeing her as some kind of perfect being. She poops. She probably picks her nose and rubs it on stuff! Maybe she pees in the shower. Maybe she hates animals. Maybe she's gonna be a lazy asshole and never go anywhere in her life. Maybe she's got anger issues. Maybe she eats with her mouth open and smacks her lips and shit. You cannot go into any relationship at all ever expecting that person to be an idealization of who they really are. Until you learn that, you can't have a successful or mutually beneficial relationship. You're just gonna be a leech onto a fantasy perception.

[QUOTE=RenegadeCop;51773362]What can she give you that you cannot give yourself? Don't say you don't know, because deep inside, you do. You're wanting [I]something.[/I][/QUOTE] Companionship, romantic love, sexual attraction, a shoulder to cry on and someone who I can give my shoulder to as well, someone to call mine and someone who can call me theirs. Things only a girlfriend can provide.

[QUOTE=roman117;51773380]Companionship, romantic love, sexual attraction, a shoulder to cry on and someone who I can give my shoulder to as well, someone to call mine and someone who can call me theirs. Things only a girlfriend can provide.[/QUOTE] i've knocked out like 2/4 of those with that friend i'm way too emotionally intimate with?? but we both understand that we're not romantic or sexual in any way whatsoever a girlfriend is not your only place to get those

You will get over her. It might take time, maybe even a lot of time. I'm speaking from experience.

[QUOTE=LordCrypto;51773389]i've knocked out like 2/4 of those with that friend i'm way too emotionally intimate with?? but we both understand that we're not romantic or sexual in any way whatsoever a girlfriend is not your only place to get those[/QUOTE] also the whole calling someone yours/mine is kinda creepy and possessive, and tbh with how you're handling a perfectly common thing of "look i'm just not that into you", maybe you should shy away from that being a goal right now

[QUOTE=LordCrypto;51773393]also the whole calling someone yours/mine is kinda creepy and possessive, and tbh with how you're handling a perfectly common thing of "look i'm just not that into you", maybe you should shy away from that being a goal right now[/QUOTE] I don't know what else I can do, then. I've tried so many things to be happy, like working out, fixing up my wardrobe, changing my hairstyle, working hard at what I want to achieve, all things people say you should do to be more attractive to girls, but none of it has helped. The fact is, I can't be happy without a girlfriend. Maybe I'm just destined to die alone and miserable. I know that I'll be on my death bed and my last thoughts will be of her and what could have been. And the whole 'call someone mine' thing was supposed to be some kind of dumb valentines day cute thing, I didn't mean for it to be creepy. [QUOTE=RenegadeCop;51773406]Why is romantic love and sexual attraction necessary? What does that provide you? (the other two, get friends for that). Do you actually have good friends, or like acquaintance friends? Do you share your dreams and your fears with your friends?[/QUOTE] Because it's the only thing that makes me happy. And yeah, I have good friends, great friends. I talk to them about a lot of stuff, we share our fears and dreams, we help each other out with our problems and make each other laugh. They're the best. But they aren't the solution.

[QUOTE=roman117;51773425]I don't know what else I can do, then. I've tried so many things to be happy, like working out, fixing up my wardrobe, changing my hairstyle, working hard at what I want to achieve, all things people say you should do to be more attractive to girls, but none of it has helped. The fact is, I can't be happy without a girlfriend. Maybe I'm just destined to die alone and miserable. [B]I know that I'll be on my death bed and my last thoughts will be of her and what could have been.[/B] And the whole 'call someone mine' thing was supposed to be some kind of dumb valentines day cute thing, I didn't mean for it to be creepy. Because it's the only thing that makes me happy. And yeah, I have good friends, great friends. I talk to them about a lot of stuff, we share our fears and dreams, we help each other out with our problems and make each other laugh. They're the best. But they aren't the solution.[/QUOTE] if you're this far gone there's honestly nothing i can say sorry your life sucks i guess?

[QUOTE=RenegadeCop;51773433]You're going to be very disappointed when you learn having a girlfriend does not solve personal voids. But it seems the only way to learn that leason, is first hand.[/QUOTE] I hope that happens. [QUOTE=RenegadeCop;51773436]Is it self esteem? Do you need a girlfriend to feel validated, to feel like you look good enough worth dating?[/QUOTE] I don't know what you mean by 'validated.' I know that I don't want a girlfriend for the social status, though. I want someone I can love and be intimate with, and who can do the same to me and feel the same about me. I just want a girl who loves me as much as I love her, who is attracted to me just as I am to her. I guess I just want girls I have a crush on to feel the same way about me.

[QUOTE=roman117;51773448]I hope that happens. I don't know what you mean by 'validated.' I know that I don't want a girlfriend for the social status, though. I want someone I can love and be intimate with, and who can do the same to me and feel the same about me. I just want a girl who loves me as much as I love her.[/QUOTE] do you need your existence to be validated? "cool dudeface on tv has a girlfriend, am i not cool if i don't have a girlfriend?" [editline]3rd February 2017[/editline] well seeing how you have a problem with crushing on girls who are clearly not into you maybe you need to reevaluate who you crush on (spoilers: 95% of crushes stay one-sided if i had to throw a ballpark figure out)

[QUOTE=LordCrypto;51773455]do you need your existence to be validated? "cool dudeface on tv has a girlfriend, am i not cool if i don't have a girlfriend?"[/QUOTE] No, that's not it. I honestly couldn't give a shit what other people think of me having a girlfriend or not. If the day I got a girlfriend, I became invisible to everyone I ever knew, I would be fine with that, as long as she could see me. [quote]well seeing how you have a problem with crushing on girls who are clearly not into you maybe you need to reevaluate who you crush on (spoilers: 95% of crushes stay one-sided if i had to throw a ballpark figure out)[/QUOTE] I sure do wish I could choose who I had a crush on. I wish it was that simple, I don't think it's my fault I like hot girls.

[QUOTE=roman117;51773463]No, that's not it. I honestly couldn't give a shit what other people think of me having a girlfriend or not. If the day I got a girlfriend, I became invisible to everyone I ever knew, I would be fine with that, as long as she could see me.[/QUOTE] so you (personally) still need to be validated then okay we got that out of the way [editline]3rd February 2017[/editline] there's a difference between finding a hot girl attractive and having a crush that causes you to have suicidal thoughts when they're inevitably unavailable i find taylor swift hot. i don't think about killing myself when i realize that i'm never going to date her.

I can't even fill my own damn voids let alone another person's lol.

[QUOTE=Pascall;51773262]I touch guy friends all the time because I'm a touchy person when I'm friendly. Means absolutely nothing.[/QUOTE] I find it interesting how some people touch others while others like myself don't. They ironed that behavior out of us in grade school when they told us to always keep our hands to ourselves. Now, the idea of touching anyone besides with a hug or a handshake sounds incredibly uncomfortable to me. I don't like to be touched either. I value my personal space. If I was in a relationship, I suppose things would be different, but hopefully you get my point.

[QUOTE=elevate;51773534]I find it interesting how some people touch others while others like myself don't. They ironed that behavior out of us in grade school when they told us to always keep our hands to ourselves. Now, the idea of touching anyone besides with a hug or a handshake sounds incredibly uncomfortable to me. I don't like to be touched either. I value my personal space. If I was in a relationship, I suppose things would be different, but hopefully you get my point.[/QUOTE] It depends, with me. I like touching people if I initiate it. If someone else does, I'm generally uncomfortable.