Super Friendly Social and Love Advice v8 - Stop spamming her with texts. - General

I really wish I could just not give a fuck like you guys. I don't know what's wrong with me; every time I get even a little attracted to a girl, I fall completely head-over-heels for her, I obsess over her and think of her every single day, I daydream about our future together and have night terrors involving her rejecting me or fucking other guys. Even before I work up the nerve to even talk to her, I spiral into depression and suicidal thoughts based off nothing more than imagined situations where she rejects me or doesn't reciprocate or has a boyfriend, I've had periods where I pull two all-nighters in a row just laying in bed shivering in fear and misery. And none of those girls were ever as pretty or cool or interesting as this girl is. I even lost weight a few times. And worse, none of them have ever actually rejected me. All of them I either stopped seeing her or she moved away. This is the first time in a long time I have actually been flat-out rejected by a girl I've fallen in love with, and the last time this happened I tried to kill myself so many times I had to be permanently taken out of public school. I don't know how you do it; I don't know how you people can get rejected so many times and not wallow for months afterwards after even a single one. I'm scared I won't survive this girl.

You've definitely got some underlying stuff, dude. You should really do what you can to seek professional help. Schedule an appointment with a local therapist who takes your insurance and then let your parents know that if they can't get you to the appointment, they'll be charged a missed appointment fee. That should get them to take you. This goes beyond this girl and beyond relationships in general. [editline]3rd February 2017[/editline] In the meantime, please do not talk to or engage with this girl at all. If your suicidal tendencies are going to make a return, putting that on her is not fair to her in the least.

[QUOTE=roman117;51773547]I really wish I could just not give a fuck like you guys. I don't know what's wrong with me; every time I get even a little attracted to a girl, I fall completely head-over-heels for her, I obsess over her and think of her every single day, I daydream about our future together and have night terrors involving her rejecting me or fucking other guys. Even before I work up the nerve to even talk to her, I spiral into depression and suicidal thoughts based off nothing more than imagined situations where she rejects me or doesn't reciprocate or has a boyfriend, I've had periods where I pull two all-nighters in a row just laying in bed shivering in fear and misery. And none of those girls were ever as pretty or cool or interesting as this girl is. I even lost weight a few times. And worse, none of them have ever actually rejected me. All of them I either stopped seeing her or she moved away. This is the first time in a long time I have actually been flat-out rejected by a girl I've fallen in love with, and the last time this happened I tried to kill myself so many times I had to be permanently taken out of public school. I don't know how you do it; I don't know how you people can get rejected so many times and not wallow for months afterwards after even a single one. I'm scared I won't survive this girl.[/QUOTE] Just read back what you are fucking saying. You're saying you've been here before, that you've had multiple crushes. What does that suggest??? After every one you've still ended up finding another. You'll find someone after this, but it'll be harder if you keep artificially idolizing her like this. This girl isn't perfect. You aren't in love, love doesn't happen instantly and anyone who tells you so is talking shite. You say you "need" a girlfriend to be happy - yet you've never had one. How do you know it'll make you happy? A girlfriend isn't the answer mate.

I'd like to touch people (wow that sounded less weird in my head) but I feel like I'd be encroaching in peoples space. But I'm a closet hugger/physical contact person. I'm just too shy myself to be super touchy with people unless they're super duper close friends.

[QUOTE=Pascall;51773558]You've definitely got some underlying stuff, dude. You should really do what you can to seek professional help. Schedule an appointment with a local therapist who takes your insurance and then let your parents know that if they can't get you to the appointment, they'll be charged a missed appointment fee. That should get them to take you. This goes beyond this girl and beyond relationships in general. [editline]3rd February 2017[/editline] In the meantime, please do not talk to or engage with this girl at all. If your suicidal tendencies are going to make a return, putting that on her is not fair to her in the least.[/QUOTE] I did ask my mom earlier if I could see a therapist, but she says she has to renew the health insurance she has for me, so I can't take matters into my own hands. Who knows how long it'll take for that to happen. Also, I did tell her I wanted to keep my distance, but it's going to be really hard because I need to see her almost every day and she always hangs around with my other friends. So if I stopped engaging with her, I'd end up having to leave all my friends alone, too. [QUOTE=Marzipas;51773582]Just read back what you are fucking saying. You're saying you've been here before, that you've had multiple crushes. What does that suggest??? After every one you've still ended up finding another. You'll find someone after this, but it'll be harder if you keep artificially idolizing her like this. This girl isn't perfect. You aren't in love, love doesn't happen instantly and anyone who tells you so is talking shite. You say you "need" a girlfriend to be happy - yet you've never had one. How do you know it'll make you happy? A girlfriend isn't the answer mate.[/QUOTE] Yeah, I have had crushes before, and I know that I've gotten over them. But I feel like this girl is different (i suddenly heard you all groan through your monitors), not because 'oh she's the one i can feel it i just know that if i do blahblah she'll be in love and we can get married!!!' but because I genuinely cannot think of anything wrong with her. Every other crush I had I managed to lower the pedestal a bit by thinking bad things about them, like they aren't as attractive as other girls I've seen and are kind of plain, or that they have bad teeth or an annoying laugh or whatever. But this girl I cannot for the life of me find one fucking thing not to like about her. She likes all the same things I do and is knows even more about them than I do, she's sweet, patient, caring, hilarious, and like I said before, literally the prettiest girl I have ever seen in my entire life no exaggeration no bullshit 100% objectively 10/10. I try to find things I dislike about her but I can't, even imaginary situations like her taking a fat loose shit or being an asshole to waiters doesn't have any effect. Even if I did end up moving on, every single girl I meet from here on out I will end up comparing to her whether I want to or not. And they will never match up, especially since I put her on such a high fucking pedestal. I honestly don't know if I will be able to crush again after this. Maybe I will, I probably will, I most likely will, but I don't think I'll ever actually get 'over' her.

That's called infatuation. Every other human being has dealt with it at some point. Denying a person's flaws is a normal part of it. Eventually the hormones will wear off and you'll realize she's a human being too. Everyone has dealt with heartbreak. We adapt and move on. It sucks right now but one girl rejecting you isn't the end of the world. Give it a few weeks and chances are you'll be doting on someone else.

I have experienced this same feeling he is describing in the past. I put this one girl on a pedestal for several years, but rarely did I ever talk to her. She was probably perfect in my (admittedly younger) mind and while I was aware that this could not be possible there was that underlying thought of "this is different" that allowed me to ignore the inner dissent. When I found out my friend liked her as well, I cannot describe the feeling it gave me. It was a mix of anger, sadness and that same dissent that was keeping my head above the water the whole time. One year later I completely forgot about her. Looking back, I did this with about a dozen girls. They all felt 'different', or so I liked to tell myself. But it was just infatuation- a shallow, empty feeling that leads to little but disappointment and general unhappiness and it's completely unfair to push this idea of a perfect individual on someone who probably already deems themselves imperfect beyond measure(like most normal people). You'll get over her. Infatuation fades and the feeling is not unique nor special. Don't lie to yourself that she's someone totally and utterly special to you- you're doing yourself a disservice and only causing yourself pain.

It's 2 am in Sweden and I can't sleep and I'm fucking pissed right now. So without getting into to much detail (I could fill up this page), my neighbor threw a party today that she didn't tell me about beforehand and when I checked it out she closed the door in my face. So far no harm done but it's a bullshit move since we are living in something that resembles a dorm. I get into our shared bathroom and people have been drying their dirty hands all over my towels and shit which means she hasn't told them to use her stuff. At this point I'm angry but it could still be an honest mistake so I let it slide. Later, before I'm going away to party with other friends I realize that she hasn't returned my lighter she borrowed yesterday. I go to her and jokingly asks if she has stolen my lighter. At first she acts like she doesn't know what I'm talking about but then she lies to me and says that she put it back even though I know that she didn't. I decide that I'm going to give her one more chance so I say "are you sure?" and she says yes and expands on the lie. Now I'm really angry but I let it slide and get to the party. Fast forward. I get back home at 1 am. When I get to right outside my house I'm confronted by 4 of her guests and one tall ugly guy which are acting all tough and makes fun of me for something that happened between my neighbor and me which means my neighbor has been talking shit about me. I'm ready to throw down, I'm sober and have been fighting for half my life, but one of my neighbors friends which is a good person tells the guests to leave me alone so I get into the house. When I get into the kitchen I meet briefly with my neighbor but she seems drunk so I decide to be nice and ask her if she had a good time. She hums without looking at me and quickly walks into her room where she has a guy. She locks the door and puts on super loud music. Way to loud to just be to cover up the "love sounds". Anyway, I wait for a bit to give her time to adjust the volume. I then go and knock on her door and tell her to lower the volume of the music because I have to sleep. She laughs and turns up the volume. I'm furious right now and I got nowhere to go to sleep. I have tried to talk to her and soften her up for a while now because things have been strange between us. She is acting nice but lies to my face and talks behind my back. She has been leading an emotional cold war and has zero respect for me. I usually let things like this go and move on but I see this woman everyday and I'm not going to move because she is like this. I'm seriously considering lowering myself to her level. I'm not going to be aggressive or anything but whenever she needs something (happens every now and again) I will tell her to go fuck herself in a nice way and I won't give her any notice about things that will affect her like parties. This thing has been tearing on me emotionally to the point where I deluded myself into thinking we were actually friends and that she cares for me. She's a bitch and I'm done with her shit.

Am I late to the obsession talk? There's this girl who would come into my work semi-often, and I was literally head over heels "she is the prettiest girl I've ever seen." Like my heart would skip a beat when I saw her. I was low key "obsessed" with her for a few years. Whenever she would come in, I would try to not have an encounter with her because I was so terrified of interacting with her because of how perfect I made her out to be in my mind and didn't want anything to ruin that image. It's hard to even admit it to myself that it was an unhealthy obsession because part of me refuses to believe it. But I eventually unfollowed her on all social media so I wouldn't be tempted to even look at her and continue to obsess. I realized it wasn't beneficial to obsess like that because I would immediately compare other girls to her, even during relationships I would always compare the current girl to the obsession-girl. Doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure out that that was unhealthy for me, unhealthy for the relationship, and unfair to the girl I was currently with.

Do you still think about her, and compare other girls to her?

Well I unfollowed her on instagram and unfriended on facebook so I wouldn't keep getting reminded of her. Though when she would come into my work I would be forcefully reminded of her, but by now I've basically moved on. I don't compare other girls to her anymore, but I do compare other girls to her [I]ideal[/I] if that makes any sense, and that's not good and I should try to stop that. It's hard but I know deep down that comparing is bad and will just end up with me being disappointed constantly. I think a good way to overcome an obsession like that is to focus on yourself instead of other people for a change. I started working out, starting singing, and things like that take up a lot of mental space that otherwise would be used to dwell on things that aren't good for me.

I had a crush on the guy I was a research assistant for for like a year straight (of course I didn't do or say anything about it since I was working for him). I mostly just found him intriguing and wanted to be around him, so I channeled that into just trying to be friends with him and getting to know him. Whatever romantic feelings I might have had for him were irrelevant. I didn't expect anything out of it. When you stop trying to plan a future that's contingent on another person cooperating with your ideals, it becomes a lot easier to enjoy whatever you do have. (FWIW, I ended up quitting the team because he was kind of a dick to the research assistants. Stuff like that goes over your head when you're too busy doting on a person. The team's ringleader used to complain to me about the guy whenever he wasn't around and I managed to ignore it for entirely too long because I liked him as a person.)

[QUOTE=LordCrypto;51773389]i've knocked out like 2/4 of those with that friend i'm way too emotionally intimate with?? but we both understand that we're not romantic or sexual in any way whatsoever a girlfriend is not your only place to get those[/QUOTE] I can't stress this one enough tbh. My best friend and I are closer than a lot of opposite-sex friends (i mean she's even said she probably knows me better than I know myself lmao) but it doesn't mean we're banging. i can't even begin to count the amount of texts I've gotten from her when she needs to vent or have a shoulder to cry on and vice versa, but again we also know we're just super duper (probably seperated at birth) close friends.

[QUOTE=bdd458;51774434]I can't stress this one enough tbh. My best friend and I are closer than a lot of opposite-sex friends (i mean she's even said she probably knows me better than I know myself lmao) but it doesn't mean we're banging. i can't even begin to count the amount of texts I've gotten from her when she needs to vent or have a shoulder to cry on and vice versa, but again we also know we're just super duper (probably seperated at birth) close friends.[/QUOTE] also isn't it great as fuck to have someone who is the opposite sex who you know you're not going to fuck?

I got another piece of metal stuck in my face today. While I was looking down at the needle lodged in my face it occurred to me how weirdly durable humans are that we can cut a hole in our body and have it heal that way just fine. I have another hole in my face now, a permanent change to my body, and it stopped hurting moments after I got it. Even the process of getting the piercing didn't feel like it hurt as much as it was supposed to. The most painful part of the whole thing was the anticipation. I expected it to be sore for at least a few days like the last one was. One of my friends has lost three loved ones, including a close friend of four years, to suicide this month and he's getting by just fine (and being remarkably patient with me constantly bothering him to check if he's okay). Apparently this is starting to threaten his average of 8 deaths a year. I hate channeling my dad like this, but everyone deals with trauma (or other general bad stuff) at some point. You don't think you'll get past things until you do. A lot of the time, what's really causing the pain is our expectation of what we're supposed to be feeling, whether it's a needle through your face or someone who seems different than all the other girls/guys or a shit ton of other people crying at your close friend's funeral when you're already over it.

[QUOTE=Guy Mannly;51774510]I got another piece of metal stuck in my face today. While I was looking down at the needle lodged in my face it occurred to me how weirdly durable humans are that we can cut a hole in our body and have it heal that way just fine. I have another hole in my face now, a permanent change to my body, and it stopped hurting moments after I got it. Even the process of getting the piercing didn't feel like it hurt as much as it was supposed to. The most painful part of the whole thing was the anticipation. I expected it to be sore for at least a few days like the last one was. One of my friends has lost three loved ones, including a close friend of four years, to suicide this month and he's getting by just fine (and being remarkably patient with me constantly bothering him to check if he's okay). Apparently this is starting to threaten his average of 8 deaths a year. I hate channeling my dad like this, but everyone deals with trauma (or other general bad stuff) at some point. You don't think you'll get past things until you do. A lot of the time, what's really causing the pain is our expectation of what we're supposed to be feeling, whether it's a needle through your face or someone who seems different than all the other girls/guys or a shit ton of other people crying at your close friend's funeral when you're already over it.[/QUOTE] Well surely if society didn't pressure you into thinking you should be and feel a certain way about something we'd all be happier, but that's something you can only achieve if you're completely alone which in an entire life, literally cannot happen [editline]4th February 2017[/editline] For example I dont feel bad for using friends to make myself happier, but since everything in the whole world says you should be genuinely interested in other people or gtfo you creepy weirdo, that makes me feel like an asshole, and it doesnt help one bit

'Are you working tonight?'' 'Yeah, at six.' 'Oh that sucks.' 'Why?' 'Nothing :incredible:

I need your guys' help with a situation. Years and years ago, like around middle school, there was this girl. I hung out with her fairly often because I was friends with her brother and they lived really close by. We were only ever friends but we did kiss once (both our first and my only) out of curiosity. I remember her seeing my wiener at some point but not in a sexual context, like I said, we were both in or starting middle school. Life happened, as it does, and I generally lost contact with them over the years. I talked to her once in high school, happened to be next to her during a down time in gym class, can't remember what we talked about but I remember it not being bad or negative. The whole exchange was like two or three sentences. Over the years I became more socially aware of things and realized I acted like such an asshole to her. I want to apologize. I think about the situation and my regrets at least once a week, usually more. I don't know what to do. I want to apologize somehow but I don't know if I should, I don't know the etiquette for this sort of thing. Would contacting her open old wounds? As far as I know she hasn't thought about me in ten+ years, would I just be apologizing to make myself feel better? I know if I do nothing I'm going to think about this and regret this for the rest of my life but is this the kind of thing I should just bury?

I don't think it'd be worth it to bring it up if it happened in middle school. A lot of people say dumb stuff when they're kids. Unless it was something incredibly hurtful like constant bullying or telling them to kill themselves, most people don't remember stuff that people said to them in middle school, imo.

Suppose I did find her and apologize, and I discover that it did affect her, what could I even do about it? How do you make up for something like that? And if I do let the past be the past, how do I move beyond this? I guess it couldn't have been too bad for her because we did hang out a lot and she wasn't the type to be submissive and let something like this just happen, but I still want to know. But then I'd just be apologizing to make me feel better, and I'm right back to being a selfish prick to her all over again.

these are the kinds of thoughts you have when you're trying to fall asleep that usually can never be resolved [editline]4th February 2017[/editline] i've acted on those thoughts before and it usually turns out awkwardly

[QUOTE=LordCrypto;51774481]also isn't it great as fuck to have someone who is the opposite sex who you know you're not going to fuck?[/QUOTE] It's absolutely fantastic. We're both 100% ourselves around eachother, never any real pressure tbh.

[QUOTE=Kirbyfactor;51775736]'Are you working tonight?'' 'Yeah, at six.' 'Oh that sucks.' 'Why?' 'Nothing :incredible:[/QUOTE] Well, this is pretty much how me and my ex started dating. She asked the same thing but when i asked why she responded with "Just wondering".

There's this girl I was previously friends with for a couple of years. We talked a lot over the phone during the summer of 2016, but we never managed to make plans to see one another. At the end of the summer she found a boyfriend and gradually lost touch with me- every time I tried to talk to her it was pretty blatant disinterest and she didn't hold the conversation up. Forgot about her for a while. Recently, I checked her twitter and noticed that the date of when her & her S/O was removed and I acknowledge it and do nothing else until today when they send me a Snap for the first time in several months. When questioned about it, she told me that she just remembered that we haven't talked for a while.. so I am a bit suspicious of her motives. Thoughts, guys?

[QUOTE=ZombieWaffle;51777102]There's this girl I was previously friends with for a couple of years. We talked a lot over the phone during the summer of 2016, but we never managed to make plans to see one another. At the end of the summer she found a boyfriend and gradually lost touch with me- every time I tried to talk to her it was pretty blatant disinterest and she didn't hold the conversation up. Forgot about her for a while. Recently, I checked her twitter and noticed that the date of when her & her S/O was removed and I acknowledge it and do nothing else until today when they send me a Snap for the first time in several months. When questioned about it, she told me that she just remembered that we haven't talked for a while.. so I am a bit suspicious of her motives. Thoughts, guys?[/QUOTE] Just let it play out. She might just be lonely after the breakup and need someone to talk to.

[QUOTE=LordCrypto;51774481]also isn't it great as fuck to have someone who is the opposite sex who you know you're not going to fuck?[/QUOTE] It's also nice to be really good friends with someone you used to fuck because there's not that sexual tension because yall already had your fun together so you can just be yourself, you know. It's fun for me to hang out with my ex because even tho we both have moved on from the relationship we still enjoy eachothers company so there's no reason to stop hanging out. She tells me about other guys and I tell her about other girls and it's all good.

I was thinking of my ex all day today. I know if I message her I'll have so much anxiety she hates me or doesn't want to talk to me. I'm so conflicted right now

I'm generally a shy person but I'm kinda stuck on an approach to this girl I've started to like. We barely know eachother but we have eachother on Facebook and I wished her a happy new year out of the blue and she was kinda cool about it so I see some potential. We see eachother on Tuesday mornings on the bus, then we go to study in the library for a bit. The topic in question would be how would I be able to talk to her? I haven't spoken to her since I wished her a happy new year, which was a month ago.

I've been in a relationship for about a year and a half. When it first started, as many of my relationships did, it was filled with passion. I moved in with him in the beginning of September and things were still really well. We hardly ever fought, and things seemed like they were going perfectly. As time went on, the passion seemed to stop. I started to bring up long term goals for us - as I was thinking this would continue to be a long term situation- and he always seems to stop me in my tracks. He claims be "doesn't have a five year goal" because he doesn't want to be "disappointed". I bring up traveling in the future - shot down. Possibly moving to a bigger place - shot down. He doesn't to have any ambition - and as a really ambitious person his lack of motivation worries me. Something that has worried me for a while now is his Oxy use. He gets it more and more often now - 2 or 3 times a week when before it seemed like once a week or every other week. He started telling me that he was having withdrawal issues, as in his body was starting to hurt without use. I was very supportive, but I asked him to at least take a couple months off and let his body run the course. Due to some family drama, he only took two weeks off. He told me that he would be more responsible with it, but I don't see that happening and I don't know how to bring it up with out a fight. We've talked about addiction before and he is always very defensive about it. Addiction is a disease - but one you can choose to not have with hard work and dedication. I've been trying to be super understanding, but he's been having depression problems and well - the sex has stopped as well. My heart loves him more than anything and I want a future for us together. However, my mind is torn between my view of "success" and him not matching up with this. Any suggestions or view points would greatly be appreciate. -A lost little kitty

[QUOTE=TheCrazyGoD;51777982]I'm generally a shy person but I'm kinda stuck on an approach to this girl I've started to like. We barely know eachother but we have eachother on Facebook and I wished her a happy new year out of the blue and she was kinda cool about it so I see some potential. We see eachother on Tuesday mornings on the bus, then we go to study in the library for a bit. The topic in question would be how would I be able to talk to her? I haven't spoken to her since I wished her a happy new year, which was a month ago.[/QUOTE] You see her on the bus every week, I think there's more than enough opportunity there to ask to spend more time with her. [QUOTE=Kittycatkills;51778087]I've been in a relationship for about a year and a half. When it first started, as many of my relationships did, it was filled with passion. I moved in with him in the beginning of September and things were still really well. We hardly ever fought, and things seemed like they were going perfectly. .. My heart loves him more than anything and I want a future for us together. However, my mind is torn between my view of "success" and him not matching up with this. Any suggestions or view points would greatly be appreciate. -A lost little kitty[/QUOTE] It seems to me that you don't share the same idea at all of where you want your lives to go. What he said about "five year plans" in particular is concerning to me, because it means he's afraid of committing to something for such a long amount of time. The excuse of "not wanting to be disappointed" is complete and total bull too. You're not gonna look at yourself in five years and be disappointed when compared to your plans you made prior. It seems to me that your outlook on the future is not really compatible with his. He seems like a live-in-the-moment kind of guy to me basing from what you said here, especially with the unhealthy oxy use. If it comes down to it, don't let him drag you and your future down. You clearly want to go further than he does.