Super Friendly Social and Love Advice v8 - Stop spamming her with texts. - General

I wish she would text me

There's this really cute girl in history lecture. She always sits in the same spot and there's always an open seat next to her. I was thinking about coming in early and sitting in that seat so I could talk to her But I dont really give a shit about girls anymore. I dont wanna put in the effort. Prolly wouldnt work out anyway

[QUOTE=Ninja Gnome;51767286]i don't think i did, but it really doesn't matter what i think i did. thanks for the advice, it has gotten much easier now that the initial confusion is fading away. if she contacts me, great, but if not it ain't the end of the world[/QUOTE] update on this, she messaged back and we're going to dinner sometime this week

[QUOTE=dds98;51778989]There's this really cute girl in history lecture. She always sits in the same spot and there's always an open seat next to her. I was thinking about coming in early and sitting in that seat so I could talk to her But I dont really give a shit about girls anymore. I dont wanna put in the effort. Prolly wouldnt work out anyway[/QUOTE] Still worth a try, if it doesnt work out romantically she can probably be a good friend.

[QUOTE=dds98;51778989]There's this really cute girl in history lecture. She always sits in the same spot and there's always an open seat next to her. I was thinking about coming in early and sitting in that seat so I could talk to her But I dont really give a shit about girls anymore. I dont wanna put in the effort. Prolly wouldnt work out anyway[/QUOTE] If you "don't really give a shit" then why do you care if it doesn't work out?

[QUOTE=ZombieWaffle;51778334]You see her on the bus every week, I think there's more than enough opportunity there to ask to spend more time with her. It seems to me that you don't share the same idea at all of where you want your lives to go. What he said about "five year plans" in particular is concerning to me, because it means he's afraid of committing to something for such a long amount of time. The excuse of "not wanting to be disappointed" is complete and total bull too. You're not gonna look at yourself in five years and be disappointed when compared to your plans you made prior. It seems to me that your outlook on the future is not really compatible with his. He seems like a live-in-the-moment kind of guy to me basing from what you said here, especially with the unhealthy oxy use. If it comes down to it, don't let him drag you and your future down. You clearly want to go further than he does.[/QUOTE] I think not wanting to be dissappointed it's a perfectly valid fear and a reason to not make big plans for the future, maybe he has a bad experience with that. I don't think there's much you can do apart from accepting it and being as understanding as possible with his fears.

I like hugging. Everyone around me doesnt like hugs. I have gone hugless for years now

[QUOTE=da space core;51779675]I like hugging. Everyone around me doesnt like hugs. I have gone hugless for years now[/QUOTE] Reminds me of the girl I used to have a crush on school. She would hug everyone. Even people she barely knew when greeting others. It's so rare for people to have that kind of attitude torwards others. Only god knows how much I miss her and her affectionate nature.

She would usually ask first if they wanted a hug or not. Like one time I was feeling kind of down and she noticed too.

[QUOTE=Guy Mannly;51779278]If you "don't really give a shit" then why do you care if it doesn't work out?[/QUOTE] The unlikeliness of it working out is why I dont care

[QUOTE=dds98;51780617]The unlikeliness of it working out is why I dont care[/QUOTE] Setting yourself up for failure.

[QUOTE=dds98;51780617]The unlikeliness of it working out is why I dont care[/QUOTE] I mean might as well give it a try. Like fuck it what's the worst that could happen? If you get rejected just move on there are plenty of fish in the sea. If she starts being a bitch about it like the last girl I had a crush on consider yourself like lucky that you dodged a bullet on a probably horrible relationship.

Just, like, logistically speaking, it prolly wont work out. I'm graduating this June. I'm gonna buy a Prius and travel the country, and will probably end up someplace completely different, so anything that would come out of it would last like 3-4 months tops Plus I kinda turned into a social recluse lately, all I do these days is gym, cooking, and programming. I don't go out at all anymore and all of my friends have graduated so she'd prolly think I'm lame or some shit edit: ...honestly, [i]I[/i] think I'm lame. I'm just not in a good spot right now

Eh, fair enough. But you're gonna have to break out of that shell sooner or later. You don't always need to be completely active socially to try talking to a girl. Like the one girl that told me she liked shy and nerdy guys. Every person thinks differently.

[QUOTE=dds98;51780751]Just, like, logistically speaking, it prolly wont work out. I'm graduating this June. I'm gonna buy a Prius and travel the country, and will probably end up someplace completely different, so anything that would come out of it would last like 3-4 months tops Plus I kinda turned into a social recluse lately, all I do these days is gym, cooking, and programming. I don't go out at all anymore and all of my friends have graduated so she'd prolly think I'm lame or some shit edit: ...honestly, [i]I[/i] think I'm lame. I'm just not in a good spot right now[/QUOTE] Yeah, but that's the best time to meet people - when you have 0 expectations for how things will play out. You can live in the moment and just enjoy talking to people for its own sake.

Thought I'd post a small update here, and seeing how there's been a few posters taking about self-esteem issues I thought it'd also be appropriate. It's been about a month since I buried the dream I had with that girl. I thought I'd feel utter shite, but honestly, I feel great. Probably the best I've been in a long time. It made me realise that I'd been holding myself back because I thought I'd never meet anyone like them again, and that I'd be alone forever because I'm a lazy jerk who spends their time playing games. What has seriously helped is getting more involved with my friends and work colleagues. I've added a bunch of them on facebook, and while none of the ladies are single, it really doesn't bother me, at all. For the last five years, due to circumstance, I've had virtually zero female friends, but having some diversity in my friendship circle has really made me more happy. It's made me realise that I'm not necessarily looking for a "relationship" as such (though that would be nice), just more people to chat with, and makes me feel like i'm not some horrific trollish freak, but a proper person in society. I'm not claiming that this will work for everybody, but I think that, admitting I had an unhealthy obsession and an unrealistic dream, then putting it to rest, has seriously helped me out. I would suggest to anyone in a similar position, maybe not to do all that in one fell swoop, but to consider how such a thing is affecting your life. If it's making you closed and withdrawn, doubting yourself at every turn, then maybe it's time to have a good long think about putting the past in the past, and look towards making a new future. Sorry if this comes out as word-garbabge, but I couldn't help but find myself reading other people's stories and seeing myself how I was only up until last year. It's a horrible, vicious cycle, and I hope that anyone stuck in it can find their way out soon.

[QUOTE=dds98;51780751]Just, like, logistically speaking, it prolly wont work out. I'm graduating this June. I'm gonna buy a Prius and travel the country, and will probably end up someplace completely different, so anything that would come out of it would last like 3-4 months tops[/QUOTE] Great, you won't have to worry about any awkwardness around her if she rejects. The fact that you're leaving also doesn't have to mean that you have to break up, you could try going long distance if you end up working out well with her.

Man, I'm at a weird place where I'm kind of focused on improving myself and my life, and I'm happy and all, but I'm not sure if I want to date. I'm not actively looking for anyone, and there's not really any girls in my life with a lot of dating potential that I can see, but every once in a while I'll get just a little taste of female affection and I'll start pining for the days where I was with my ex. For instance, I was at a party a few weeks ago, the only sober one there as I'm in some legal trouble and can't drink or do drugs for a while. One of my friends Danielle that I met a few months ago was sitting on the couch right next to her boyfriend, and I was talking to the group about how my other friend doesn't show it when he's drunk at all, contrasting it with someone else who act incredibly drunk after just a few drinks. Then Danielle blurts out "You know, (name), you get so handsome when you're drunk!!". Really weird. She's been complimenting me like that a lot recently and I'm not sure what to make of it. I'm pretty certain she's just got a flirty personality and likes to compliment people, but still, any girl who shows affection towards me gets me feeling kind of nostalgic in a melancholic sort of way.

That was a journey reading through those last few pages... Also to the dude above, if you're happy with where you're at just keep going with the flow. No need to rush into any relationships and you can spend more time with friends and looking after yourself. It will happen when it's meant to.

-snip-

Do you have any hobbies?

Me and my fiance have been engaged for 2 years as of 2 days ago and she is saying she wants a child. She also wants to get married, which I do too but not in a cheap registry office like she is happy with, I want it to be special for her. Now I am the kind of guy who doesn't work (personal [sp]medical[/sp] reasons), I don't believe I would be a good parent. Mainly because I prefer to play games to take my mind off things, I am constantly stressed out from bills, I feel ill just about every day for an unknown reason, was supposed to get it checked by having a camera shoved down my larynx but I didn't fancy it so pussied out. I [b]do[/b] want a child, she feels like she [i]needs[/i] a child but I am thinking about it, maybe over thinking, about what kind of future I would be able to give the child. Non-working, temperamental, worrying about everything father doesn't sound good to me. She says I would be a great father and I really do want to be. I got a girl pregnant before and she dumped me and aborted it so might be issues down there to do with this but I also feel like I want to give the child [b]the absolute[/b] best chance in life. Not getting bullied, able to afford nice things and the rest. I need help deciding, I see no redeeming values in myself but she says I would be a great father. Pretty much all I am good at is cooking, I do the cooking yes.

[QUOTE=TrannyAlert;51783820]Do you have any hobbies?[/QUOTE] Play videogames, digital animation and drawing

real talk you say you cant work but then wont accept the help that could potentially get you back to work. makes me a bit annoyed tbh

[QUOTE=Kabstrac;51787258]Well first of all, you need to get checked out. You have one life, don't squander it. Deal with your health first of all, then move on to the next issues.[/QUOTE] That's what I was thinking, tho it wouldn't be my life I would be fucking up it would be my families too which is really not something I want to do. I have tried to get my issues sorted but got nowhere in regards to my mental health, just got told to do meaningless things like speak to a checkout person and ask them something like how their weekend was or the fact that as soon as I met my girlfriend at the time that was a great and wonderful thing so they cut back on the "help" they were giving me anyway like pills and all sorts of things that in the end of the day made you feel worse. Then for whatever was wrong with my stomach, more pills which made me lose weight (I weigh less that 70kg don't need to lose any). That all kind of made me give up and start trying to help myself, I have my fiance to thank for my stability but I was a right shit before and I think karma/my conscience its catching up with me probably. There are so many issues, I was an alcoholic at the age of 17 and got kicked out for it, ended up getting addicted to a shit load of other things in the process, my mum persuaded my father to let me back in so they could help. I ended up getting off everything but alcohol and did some stupid shit which I am up in court for soon. I don't see how she thinks this would make me a good father [editline]7th February 2017[/editline] [QUOTE=cricket50;51787317]real talk you say you cant work but then wont accept the help that could potentially get you back to work. makes me a bit annoyed tbh[/QUOTE] I'm pretty much unemployable my sleeping routine is non-existent, I feel worthless all the time. Like I said I tried to get help so if that annoys you well I am sorry [i]Edit:[/i] Probably should give you a time-frame of how long I was in and out of the NHS for and that is just over 3 years of accepting their 'help'. I felt like a test subject most of the time for whatever pill they were pushing "Oh so Fluoxetine made you feel like shit and didn't work well then try Sertraline and let us know in 2 months when it should actually do anything". Psychiatrists couldn't figure me out, they were pretty clear I couldn't work though

[QUOTE=Kabstrac;51787454]Well frankly dude it sounds like you have some deep rooted issues and not just ones limited to psychological aspects. There isn't much that we can tell you on here. You need to seek help and you need to be receptive of that help.[/QUOTE] I suppose you're right. Although I really did try and get help and was serious with it, I did everything they told me and didn't deviate yet nothing changed with me. My parents even paid for me to see a specialist for a while and that got me nowhere either, that actually makes you feel worse I feel like there is nothing that can help me

Also true. I think I will go back to the NHS and see if I can help myself some way. Definitely not having a child until I get myself sorted, just wondered what you all thought about it considering my fiance thinks I would be a great father. < Yeah right

So I got sort of a date from okcupid, I'm going to meet someone at a local boardwalk and at first I was really excited but now, I'm just very anxious and feel like I'm gonna get cold feet. Is this just a normal feeling or is it a gut feeling telling me not to go with this?

so im trying to get "in" in the circle of japanese students at my university, i met some of them while i was in japan and we've gone to the mall before the semester started right now ive been messaging the guys mostly but ive been thinking about messaging the girls in the group too. theres two girls in the group i think i cute, ive been talking to one of them but the other one gives me this weird feeling that prevents me from messaging her. idk, its like im scared or something. she hasn't done anything to make me thing bad of her, the only thing we've really done is i helped her find hand sanitizer in the target at the mall we were at while she asked me questions about america and where i come from. it's like theres something in me preventing me from doing what should be a simple task but i cant do it. a friend said it might be a crush but i doubt it because i usually have different reactions on crushes, plus ive known the other girl for longer so if anything i have a bigger crush on her.

[QUOTE=Kabstrac;51787960]You're just anxious, I have a tendency to want to cancel dates before going but I force myself to go and 9/10 times I enjoy myself[/QUOTE] I would talk myself out of social outings for most my life. I find it a lot more enjoyable when I force myself to go do things with friends.