Super Friendly Social and Love Advice v8 - Stop spamming her with texts. - General

[QUOTE=SebiWarrior;51794714]it wasn't a date, she had literally told me she is not interested in me as a bf and I didn't offer anything, I meant it as a joke but apparently she just really liked the idea that she decided to do it I mean she was gonna stay home on the couch watching some movie with or without me I also feel like adding that I have never hanged out with someone just the two of us, literally the only one was my ex so I'm still new to it all and she is not someone I'd do anything with just by ourselves [editline]8th February 2017[/editline] when did I say the friendship's over I only wanted to ask if you felt like I needed to fix it or just wait it out[/QUOTE] Like you wouldn't even hang out with a guy friend alone either? And what does whether she's had a boyfriend or sex have to do with anything?

[QUOTE=TrannyAlert;51794736]Why would you suddenly stop speaking to someone after they said they don't want to hang out?? A main thing we need to know is how long have you been friends? Do you meet up? Talk everyday/odd day? Hang it with a group or solo?[/QUOTE] I approached her in november, she told me she wasnt interested at the end of said month and after that we kept talking normally and developed a friendship since january we started chatting all day every day, like she would send me messages anytime I wouldnt start a conversation that day without letting me go study and do other stuff we usually go out with my classmates on saturday nights to get drinks and other stuff but never alone she is 16 btw so I imagine being petty is normal(?) [QUOTE=plunger435;51794759]Like you wouldn't even hang out with a guy friend alone either? And what does whether she's had a boyfriend or sex have to do with anything?[/QUOTE] out of all the people in my classroom, only a couple, but we never go out alone anyway I am not outgoing and bond very roughly, I dont have faith in people or trust them that much (yeah I'm hard to deal with I know) and like I said I dont think having had a bf or not really matters here

[QUOTE=SebiWarrior;51794805]I approached her in november, she told me she wasnt interested at the end of said month and after that we kept talking normally and developed a friendship since january we started chatting all day every day, like she would send me messages anytime I wouldnt start a conversation that day without letting me go study and do other stuff we usually go out with my classmates on saturday nights to get drinks and other stuff but never alone she is 16 btw so I imagine being petty is normal(?) out of all the people in my classroom, only a couple, but we never go out alone anyway I am not outgoing and bond very roughly, I dont have faith in people or trust them that much (yeah I'm hard to deal with I know) and like I said I dont think having had a bf or not really matters here[/QUOTE] Well if you can hang out with some of your guy friends alone, I don't see why you can't hang out with her alone. From what you said happened she would be completely justified in feeling slighted. You got someone's hopes up saying you'd hang out and bring food, then immediately said Nevermind and said you wouldn't be comfortable hanging out with them.

So there's this really cute girl in my geology class; we've been in classes with each other since last semester, but I've only really started talking to her this semester. She's super easy to talk to; I originally sat a row down from her with a few of my friends and before class she'd sometimes get involved in chats; this week I've started sitting next to her. I'd like to keep talking for a while first, but I really want to ask her out for coffee. The class meets twice a week and the first time I sat next to her was the first class of this week; should I ask her out tomorrow or give it another week just so we can get a little more acquainted first? I also have no game plan for how to ask her to coffee; advice?

[QUOTE=Flicky;51795311]So there's this really cute girl in my geology class; we've been in classes with each other since last semester, but I've only really started talking to her this semester. She's super easy to talk to; I originally sat a row down from her with a few of my friends and before class she'd sometimes get involved in chats; this week I've started sitting next to her. I'd like to keep talking for a while first, but I really want to ask her out for coffee. The class meets twice a week and the first time I sat next to her was the first class of this week; should I ask her out tomorrow or give it another week just so we can get a little more acquainted first? I also have no game plan for how to ask her to coffee; advice?[/QUOTE] 'Hi, would you like to go out for coffee sometime?' You're probably better off doing it tommorow, because if you don't you're going to wonder about it all week and probably get nervous and talk yourself out of it

Is there a way to practice talking? If I want to pursue a skill I can do so at my leisure, but socializing with people always has consequences for failure, because there are other people involved. I don't know if that makes sense, I'm trying to put it into words. Like, if you want to get better at woodworking, you practice woodworking, and if what you make doesn't turn out then you can dispose of it without it ever involving another human being. If you want to get better at being social, what do you do?

You talk, obviously. Force yourself into something, where you have to communicate with other people. Some kind of a group hobby, team-sport, anything like that. Preferably something you enjoy or want to learn. The hardest part (for me at least) is overcoming your anxiety, leaving your comfort zone and actually making an appearance. And don't just be a listener, try to actively participate. I always just sit aside and listen and it's not getting me anywhere. So basically, if you never try, you never learn and you never win.

[QUOTE=Ardosos;51796086]Is there a way to practice talking? If I want to pursue a skill I can do so at my leisure, but socializing with people always has consequences for failure, because there are other people involved. I don't know if that makes sense, I'm trying to put it into words. Like, if you want to get better at woodworking, you practice woodworking, and if what you make doesn't turn out then you can dispose of it without it ever involving another human being. If you want to get better at being social, what do you do?[/QUOTE] The risks in socializing aren't as huge as you make them to be. The worst thing that would probably happen is people would find you a bit awkward and that alone is rarely enough to make someone lose interest in you. If someone doesn't like you just stop talking to them. There are billions of other people in the world.

I really wish I could stop being so overly emotional when it comes to liking a girl. Makes me look like fucking idiot.

[QUOTE=Ardosos;51796086]Is there a way to practice talking? If I want to pursue a skill I can do so at my leisure, but socializing with people always has consequences for failure, because there are other people involved. I don't know if that makes sense, I'm trying to put it into words. Like, if you want to get better at woodworking, you practice woodworking, and if what you make doesn't turn out then you can dispose of it without it ever involving another human being. If you want to get better at being social, what do you do?[/QUOTE] Come to the realization that nobody is keeping track of every slight social error you make, and there are no real consequences or lasting effects from having an awkward interaction with someone. Then go out and talk to people. Are you ever walking around and think of something funny to say to someone, but don't? Just say that. Tell little jokes to strangers and compliment your cashier, just make every excuse to say something to a/multiple stranger(s) each day. You'll fit in the groove in a few days and feel like a new person.

Is it weird to have been seeing a girl for over a month and having not kissed yet

Depends what you mean by "seeing"? If you've been feeling her up and just been having really impersonal non-romantic sex all month, that's kinda weird. If you've been hanging out fully clothed and likely in public venues, that's not really weird.

[QUOTE=srobins;51797887]Depends what you mean by "seeing"? If you've been feeling her up and just been having really impersonal non-romantic sex all month, that's kinda weird. If you've been hanging out fully clothed and likely in public venues, that's not really weird.[/QUOTE] No, we've just been hanging out and getting to know each other. We're both new to relationships so we're both clearly into each other but neither of us really know what we're doing.

-snip-

I have literally no idea how to get people interested in me so that helps. Though people find me genuinely hilarious in person so I guess I have that

Anyone in here ever dated a woman with a kid before? I've been talking to one for a while now and she seems interesting. I know that I won't go from some guy to step dad in a week but it feels weird even though I think I will like her. We are both 23 btw.

[QUOTE=maeZtro;51800138]Anyone in here ever dated a woman with a kid before? I've been talking to one for a while now and she seems interesting. I know that I won't go from some guy to step dad in a week but it feels weird even though I think I will like her. We are both 23 btw.[/QUOTE] Yeah, certainly takes some adjusting. It certainly has its ups and downs, it was a couple of years ago for me back when I was 22 and I just wasnt the right person to be a parent or responsible at the time, too much uni and drinking to be done.

[QUOTE=Kirbyfactor;51795580]'Hi, would you like to go out for coffee sometime?' You're probably better off doing it tommorow, because if you don't you're going to wonder about it all week and probably get nervous and talk yourself out of it[/QUOTE] Did this instead of my overly-engineered plan; we're grabbing coffee Saturday. Hope all goes well, judging from our conversations before class we should get along well.

Man, I've been talking to this chick, we share a lot of common interests, and she's super into metal and Nordic mythology. I think I might have a crush

[QUOTE=Ardosos;51796086]Is there a way to practice talking? If I want to pursue a skill I can do so at my leisure, but socializing with people always has consequences for failure, because there are other people involved. I don't know if that makes sense, I'm trying to put it into words. Like, if you want to get better at woodworking, you practice woodworking, and if what you make doesn't turn out then you can dispose of it without it ever involving another human being. If you want to get better at being social, what do you do?[/QUOTE] 1. Surround yourself with socially adept people 2. Pay attention to what they are doing 3. Copy them

/\ Bar 1 that's retarded advice, just be yourself and fake confidence until you feel confident. Force yourself to talk louder and don't dwell too much on what you're saying.

I've gotten [I]a lot[/I] more social and talkative to strangers in the last year. The above is pretty true. I would over think everything (still do, often) and had basically convinced myself that no one wants to be bothered by me. Just can't think about that. Just say hey to people. People generally appreciate small talk. If they don't, well just forget them. Talking to waiters/cashiers and whatnot is a good start. Ask what their favorite menu item is, how their day was, etc. Basic small talk stuff. Used to be the shy guy in the corner. Now I'm pretty comfortable (sometimes) with associating with friends of friends and whathaveyou. Idk if this is generally accepted advice here, or what the general opinion on this guy is, but some of his videos are pretty good tips on helping you get over little fears like that: [url]https://www.youtube.com/user/charismaoncommand[/url] He's also got a gigantic mouth, and tries to get you to buy his shit, but hey his free stuff is good too.

[QUOTE=cricket50;51801552]/\ Bar 1 that's retarded advice, just be yourself and fake confidence until you feel confident. Force yourself to talk louder and don't dwell too much on what you're saying.[/QUOTE] Talking louder ≠ talking better

[QUOTE=Zeos;51799029]I have literally no idea how to get people interested in me so that helps. Though people find me genuinely hilarious in person so I guess I have that[/QUOTE] my first girlfriend was interested in me and someone else at the time but she chose to go out with me because I could make her laugh all the time. pretty sure my second gf liked the fact I could make her laugh as well. never underestimate humour, it's more powerful than you think. for example, I've been in bands since 2011 but that's never gotten me any action at all.

God damn it, I keep doing dumb shit to myself. I was in class today for college and we all had to get up and find a white board to write on. There are over 50 people in my class so finding space was rough. I was like the last guy to look around and find a space. My eyes meet with this unbelievably cute girl, who's just smiling and giving me the eyes, almost as if she's inviting me over. And for some dumb fucking reason my brain went, "Fuck...uhhm...there's no space for [I]leeeeearniiiiiing[/I]" and squeezed into a spot next to these two other girls who I had no social interest in. Albeit, they were very helpful with the assignment though. I don't fucking know how I got into this weird mental jam when it comes to girls. When I was an underclassmen in high school I was pretty shy, but I had absolutely no problem speaking my mind and making girls laugh or dating by the time I was an upperclassmen. But some where in college, maybe because I would only be taking classes 3 days out of the week, and as I was trying to get use to the college grind, my social stigma started to slide further and further down. Moving across the country might have also made an impact. I haven't really had time to pull back and relax until this winter break because I've been so busy settling into my new life. Even after I still field like I'm in this weird rut. It's sort of been like this for a year and a half now. My brain isn't doing what my body wants it to and now I'm just sitting here frustrated with myself.

Is it a bad thing that I have no motivation to pursue a relationship with anyone anymore? I mean, I want a bf/gf/so, but after being dumped twice I don't see future relationships working out. Especially considering I've spent the past year or so doing some thinking on [i]why[/i] I was dumped. I'm a very dependent person that simply can't function on her own. I'm 'high maintenance' in a more literal sense of the phrase. Nobody wants to dive into that, even people that find me attractive personality-wise. [editline]10th February 2017[/editline] to give an idea of how dependent i am on peoples' guidance, i often times forget to eat and sleep. setting countless reminders never work too.

[QUOTE=Qaus;51804395]Is it a bad thing that I have no motivation to pursue a relationship with anyone anymore? I mean, I want a bf/gf/so, but after being dumped twice I don't see future relationships working out. Especially considering I've spent the past year or so doing some thinking on [i]why[/i] I was dumped. I'm a very dependent person that simply can't function on her own. I'm 'high maintenance' in a more literal sense of the phrase. Nobody wants to dive into that, even people that find me attractive personality-wise. [editline]10th February 2017[/editline] to give an idea of how dependent i am on peoples' guidance, i often times forget to eat and sleep. setting countless reminders never work too.[/QUOTE] I'd recommend seeing a therapist if you can. You obviously have some things to work out. I don't think it's bad that you aren't considering a relationship, especially if you don't think it would work out. I think some of it will come down to actually forcing yourself to eat, sleep and look after yourself because the lack of a sleep and eating schedule can't help.

[QUOTE=Ardosos;51796086]Is there a way to practice talking? If I want to pursue a skill I can do so at my leisure, but socializing with people always has consequences for failure, because there are other people involved. I don't know if that makes sense, I'm trying to put it into words. Like, if you want to get better at woodworking, you practice woodworking, and if what you make doesn't turn out then you can dispose of it without it ever involving another human being. If you want to get better at being social, what do you do?[/QUOTE] Pretty much what renegade and OVB said. Just chat up every cashier, waiter, person you're in an elevator with. Small talk like how's it going or talk about the fucking weather. Once you get small talk down with complete strangers you'll have a lot less anxiety. [editline]10th February 2017[/editline] And smile.

So I'm currently at one of my friends/next year house mates flat with my this year flat mate/one of my best friends and basically they're into each other and stuff but she has a boyfriend (well, she's breaking up with him but hasn't figured out how yet) and basically I'm here as a friend stopping anything from happening because she asked me to but it's fucking awkward. I can't leave without her because then she can't get home and the other guy knows I'm here basically to stop her staying the night. I'm mainly just venting but they're in the kitchen right now and I don't know how much longer I can be a spanner stopping them. As much as anything I need to go to bed and it's a 40 odd minute walk back. [editline]10th February 2017[/editline] Pretty sure I overheard: "Is he [following] us again?" "I think so but I'm not sure" But I'm not sure if it's just me filling things in because I barely heard the first bit. When she's not around him she knows it's a bad idea and wants me to stop her but then just makes out with him because one of my other mates jokingly asked for "proof they were a thing".

So I've been "sort-of dating" with this girl for a week now. We confessed our feelings to each other while she was in a bad relationship, and we'd been hanging out for a while already. She broke up with him last week and we've been hanging out a lot more. We both really like each other and it's awesome when we're talking or doing homework or whatever. We were talking about what each of us was looking for in a relationship. I said I'd like to eventually have something long term, and she said she wasn't really sure and right now she wants something more casual. Now, I'm assuming that's because she obviously just got out of a relationship and needs some time, but a part of me worries that she's not interested in me despite how she's said it on multiple occasions. I've just been stressing a lot, and she told me I shouldn't be, but I really worry that for whatever reason this won't work out. I've never met someone quite like her and we both enjoy each other's company a lot. I think I just need someone to tell me that this is alright and that I need to take things slower than I am. I tend to overthink things quite a bit, but I really am hoping that she might come around to the idea of something more long-term the more we get to know each other. Girls are hard.