Super Friendly Social and Love Advice v8 - Stop spamming her with texts. - General

[QUOTE=RenegadeCop;51806395]If she doesn't have that basic self control, there isn't much for you to do. Maybe she shouldn't go to get togethers if she can't control herself?[/QUOTE] We're home now, had a long chat on the way home and basically she's come to that conclusion. It's a bit awkward to do because we're all on the same course and have lectures/labs like all day. She seems to appreciate that I stayed and tbh the guy won't hold it against me. Also, I asked, it was just my own anxieties making me think that's what they said. Anyway, I'm home, and I think I did the right thing [sp]to be clear, that's an unsure I think[/sp].

[QUOTE=NeonpieDFTBA;51806626]We're home now, had a long chat on the way home and basically she's come to that conclusion. It's a bit awkward to do because we're all on the same course and have lectures/labs like all day. She seems to appreciate that I stayed and tbh the guy won't hold it against me. Also, I asked, it was just my own anxieties making me think that's what they said. Anyway, I'm home, and I think I did the right thing [sp]to be clear, that's an unsure I think[/sp].[/QUOTE] Should definitely ask her to stop putting you in that situation, if you didn't already.

Maybe sometime today I'll message her. If she doesn't answer how do I avoid having an anxiety attack?

[QUOTE=Crpto2007;51808812]Maybe sometime today I'll message her. If she doesn't answer how do I avoid having an anxiety attack?[/QUOTE] I don't think it's a good idea to message her.

You can also not message her and rethink your decision.

I don't know what to do then she's on my mind a lot

[QUOTE=papkee;51806398]So I've been "sort-of dating" with this girl for a week now. We confessed our feelings to each other while she was in a bad relationship, and we'd been hanging out for a while already. She broke up with him last week and we've been hanging out a lot more. We both really like each other and it's awesome when we're talking or doing homework or whatever. We were talking about what each of us was looking for in a relationship. I said I'd like to eventually have something long term, and she said she wasn't really sure and right now she wants something more casual. Now, I'm assuming that's because she obviously just got out of a relationship and needs some time, but a part of me worries that she's not interested in me despite how she's said it on multiple occasions. I've just been stressing a lot, and she told me I shouldn't be, but I really worry that for whatever reason this won't work out. I've never met someone quite like her and we both enjoy each other's company a lot. I think I just need someone to tell me that this is alright and that I need to take things slower than I am. I tend to overthink things quite a bit, but I really am hoping that she might come around to the idea of something more long-term the more we get to know each other. Girls are hard.[/QUOTE] Just don't worry about it and let it happen. I had nearly the exact same experience with my current girlfriend - just got out of a pretty bad relationship, we started talking and hanging out more. Got some mixed signals during that time - I could tell she was pretty interested in me, but kept saying that she doesn't really want a serious relationship right now. We ended up dating maybe a month later and are at almost a year now.

[QUOTE=Crpto2007;51808839]I don't know what to do then she's on my mind a lot[/QUOTE] Invest your time and energy in other things than just a girl. Start a new hobby, go on a walk. Learn a new skill.

[QUOTE=Flicky;51800707]Did this instead of my overly-engineered plan; we're grabbing coffee Saturday. Hope all goes well, judging from our conversations before class we should get along well.[/QUOTE] The date went really well and we both like each other, but she says she doesn't really want a relationship right now. Ah well.

[QUOTE=Vodkavia;51807552]So I've been into this guy for a while, person I'm closer to than anybody else by a big margin, I'm not sure how to proceed. It's obvious to me that my existing flirting skills are good for extremely horny guys who just want to get their dick wet and not much else. Basically I'm not terribly skilled at being non over the top. like, I want put it out there how much I like this human being, but I'm kind of short on ways to do this with a shred of finesse and subtly. halp pls[/QUOTE] Ask him if he's seeing anyone, and ask him if you want to go see a movie. Subtly imply you're interested in him, don't be too subtle thoug. I hoped I helped.

Watched a campus production of "Anything Goes" last night. I got dressed up to feel better about myself. Then I walk to the door and I see my crush and her boyfriend are both standing with my other friends just beyond the doorway. They invite me to sit with the group, and I accept because I have no body else to sit with. I sit with several of our friends next to me, she and her boyfriend sit behind me to the right. I can hear them giggling adorably whenever there's a funny line. When the leads dance to "It's Delovely", it reminds me of when we used to dance together for swing dance club, before I stopped going so I could avoid her a bit. Once I congratulate my friends in the cast, I lose them in the crowds and go to my dorm room. So much for seeing a show to distract myself from the heartache.

my mind is beating me up because its been 3 days since i asked a question to one of the girls ive been messaging and they havent responded yet. i know she said she has a test this week and next week so i guess that's why she hasnt responded but it still makes me feel bad ive been talking to friends and they are helping me keep a cool head and to not overreact to anything. right now im thinking of what to do when i get around to asking if they want to hang out. i cant think of anything to do here in this town other than get food, which ive done before. the best i came up with is just to meet in a public area on campus and just talk about shit for a bit but im a bit dumb when it comes to those types of conversations

I've been wondering, is there a way to deal with bad memory? do some people have better memory than others? Because I've been thinking, I hardly remember birthdays, the name of certain things, important things about people close to me, details about their lives and such, and honestly, there's nothing worse than saying "sorry, I can't remember that". Can memory be improved? I feel that memory is one of the most important things we have, and life feels like such a short thing if we don't make lasting memories, so it's pretty frustrating to have memory problems.

I'm kind of an ordered person, when I thing about writing things down, I think okay, we write it down, then we write down something completely unrelated, then we write more things, monthss later I forget something and have to look it up, but it becomes imposible to look for things in a messy journal so I instantly just drop the idea. In order to do something I sometimes need to thing of a good way to organize things, but how can you even organize a memory journal?

a computer journal could work, like using onenote or something like it, where you can seperate notes off the top of my head one idea that could work is you make it a habit every day/week/whatever time scale you want of jotting stuff down about people that seems important, then you can not only search by day but you can search by people too using the app's search feature ex. [QUOTE] 2/11 John - went to starbucks, told me his favorite movie is Spaceballs, hates inception Mary - Seemed worried about her upcoming stats test etc. [/QUOTE] it'll be okay if its much messier than that because you can just text find stuff. then all you need to do is remember to check previous entries after writing them down. the writing process alone will help you remember things

[QUOTE=Cosa8888;51810522]I've been wondering, is there a way to deal with bad memory? do some people have better memory than others? Because I've been thinking, I hardly remember birthdays, the name of certain things, important things about people close to me, details about their lives and such, and honestly, there's nothing worse than saying "sorry, I can't remember that". Can memory be improved? I feel that memory is one of the most important things we have, and life feels like such a short thing if we don't make lasting memories, so it's pretty frustrating to have memory problems.[/QUOTE] Writing down for sure, trying to figure out phrases that link a person and a thing. My memory's terrible too due to some brain damage as a child and both those things are a lifesaver. I use colornote on my phone and I have about 150 notes of just random shit like that.

[QUOTE=Cosa8888;51810522]I've been wondering, is there a way to deal with bad memory? do some people have better memory than others? Because I've been thinking, I hardly remember birthdays, the name of certain things, important things about people close to me, details about their lives and such, and honestly, there's nothing worse than saying "sorry, I can't remember that". Can memory be improved? I feel that memory is one of the most important things we have, and life feels like such a short thing if we don't make lasting memories, so it's pretty frustrating to have memory problems.[/QUOTE] Funny you bring this up! I've been having a similar issue, recently I've been meeting tons of new people and realizing how awful I am at remembering names. In one of my classes I met some dude and chatted for a bit, then when we exchanged names, he immediately pulled out his phone and typed my name into a note on his phone just FULL of names. I started doing the same thing and it really is amazing how helpful it has been. If I meet someone new, I'll just add their name and a memorable detail (something funny they said, a weird piece of clothing, whatever) to the note. Every once in a while, or if I'm going out to a party or something, I'll just re-read the list real quick. So far it's helped tons, I would give it a shot! I don't really track people's birthdays or whatever but I think note-taking is a good way of improving your memory, or at least giving the appearance of improving your memory.

[QUOTE=RenegadeCop;51811346]Can general anxiety lead to sleep loss? My girlfriend has huge self esteem issues and I'm wondering if it is related to her awful sleeping.[/QUOTE] It's the opposite in my experience. My anxiety spikes on days that I'm not well-rested. I always try to get at least 8 hours of solid sleep a day, really helps me with mood regulation.

Friend posts about her new boyfriend on Facebook the same day I was planning on asking her out ah fuck.

[QUOTE=dds98;51802581]Talking louder ≠ talking better. [/QUOTE] From my personal experience, to become more confident you need to accomplish personal goals and feel those "victories". Which is my primary argument on me being against the fake it until you make it principle. Drilling the belief of "I'm confident", in your head will only be temporary. It feels a lot better to reflect back on an accomplishment and think to yourself "Whoa fuck, I did that.", instead of eventually realizing that you made up your confidence. Need to go for durability. [QUOTE=RenegadeCop;51811346]Can general anxiety lead to sleep loss? My girlfriend has huge self esteem issues and I'm wondering if it is related to her awful sleeping.[/QUOTE] It being difficult to handle emotions while being fatigued or exhausted makes sense to me. I get down more as well when I go to bed too late. Like i did last two nights.

[QUOTE=Blueridge;51810466]my mind is beating me up because its been 3 days since i asked a question to one of the girls ive been messaging and they havent responded yet. i know she said she has a test this week and next week so i guess that's why she hasnt responded but it still makes me feel bad ive been talking to friends and they are helping me keep a cool head and to not overreact to anything. right now im thinking of what to do when i get around to asking if they want to hang out. i cant think of anything to do here in this town other than get food, which ive done before. the best i came up with is just to meet in a public area on campus and just talk about shit for a bit but im a bit dumb when it comes to those types of conversations[/QUOTE] How often do you message each other? Do you talk to her in real life? I'm gonna be blunt, and say that she probably isn't interested if she hasn't responded for three days - of course there's some leeway, but personally I wouldn't keep someone I was romantically interested in waiting for that long. Personally I'd just gauge her interest next time I see her face to face. Grabbing some food or coffee isn't a bad idea for a date, and just sitting and talking somewhere isn't a bad option either - compared to going to the cinema or whatever, you get to talk a lot more. Personally I'd say that's a good thing, because the point of a date is to get to know each other, and see whether you find each other interesting - of course you risk it being a bit awkward, but that's just the nature of meeting people you don't know.

Ok so I have a problem, I'm into my neighbor but she's not into me. It sucks and we've been through some shit but I'm not letting it get me down or whatever. The problem is that she feels guilty and bad towards me which in turn makes her angry so she acts like a bitch towards me and assume everything I do is because I'm interested in her. This makes her feel even more guilty and everything repeats itself in a vicious cycle. I had a serious talk with her a few days ago and told her that I have nothing against her and stuff and I think it really got to her because she got teary eyed and I got very sentimental as well. Now everything is shit again and it's like we didn't speak at all. We can't have conversations more than a few words long and she keeps isolating herself in her room. I'm trying to give her space but she seems to get even more upset when I close my door and don't talk to her. I don't know what to do, I don't even care if she stops talking to me anymore I just want her to be happy.

She's guilty so she gets angry at you?? I dunno, fam. I think you shouldn't prod this one if she's not emotionally ready to handle it. She sounds like she's struggling enough to the point to where it's better if you take some steps back and leave her be.

[QUOTE=GoDong-DK;51811830]How often do you message each other? Do you talk to her in real life? I'm gonna be blunt, and say that she probably isn't interested if she hasn't responded for three days - of course there's some leeway, but personally I wouldn't keep someone I was romantically interested in waiting for that long. Personally I'd just gauge her interest next time I see her face to face. Grabbing some food or coffee isn't a bad idea for a date, and just sitting and talking somewhere isn't a bad option either - compared to going to the cinema or whatever, you get to talk a lot more. Personally I'd say that's a good thing, because the point of a date is to get to know each other, and see whether you find each other interesting - of course you risk it being a bit awkward, but that's just the nature of meeting people you don't know.[/QUOTE] first time i messaged her it took about 2 days to get a response, she mentioned she didnt use facebook that often and i told her dont worry about it. since then and until now she would message me once or twice a day, so it was slow going beforehand. we met while i was abroad in japan last semester, she was in one of my classes and asked me and a friend some questions about our university in america during an event. she had her own group of friends in the class and the only time i saw her outside of class she was in the library studying so i just told myself i should wait until i get back to america before i try anything. i met her here during a party for new international students and so far thats the only time ive seen her in person. i invited her and the other international japanese students i knew to hang out at the mall when this semester first started, and she accepted it at first but became sick the day we were going to meet at this point im probably going to wait an extra day or two then ill message her asking if she has a time where she can meet up and hang out. ill probably also try to see if i can help her with her homework in some way, if its problems relating to english then i can try to offer advice if needed

[QUOTE=Pascall;51813367]She's guilty so she gets angry at you?? I dunno, fam. I think you shouldn't prod this one if she's not emotionally ready to handle it. She sounds like she's struggling enough to the point to where it's better if you take some steps back and leave her be.[/QUOTE] Yeah I'm trying but her door is two meters from mine so it's hard :v:

I think this girl likes me but I'm worried I'm jumping the gun. I've had some small talk with her (which she usually starts) and we've gotten to know each other a bit, it seems she enjoys talking to me but I don't know if she's actually interested in me or if she's just being polite. She's dropped a few things I've figured might be hints (which honestly I'm terrible at telling), earlier she asked me for gum but wrote it down on her journal and showed it to me instead of just asking outright...but maybe I'm reading too far into it. As far as I know she isn't dating anyone and doesn't have many friends, she's joked a few times about the latter. what do? I'm not sure how to read this whole situation. If she's actually interested in me I kind of want to say something tomorrow if I can, since it's Valentines' and all.

[QUOTE=racerfan;51815834]I think this girl likes me but I'm worried I'm jumping the gun. I've had some small talk with her (which she usually starts) and we've gotten to know each other a bit, it seems she enjoys talking to me but I don't know if she's actually interested in me or if she's just being polite. She's dropped a few things I've figured might be hints (which honestly I'm terrible at telling), earlier she asked me for gum but wrote it down on her journal and showed it to me instead of just asking outright...but maybe I'm reading too far into it. As far as I know she isn't dating anyone and doesn't have many friends, she's joked a few times about the latter. what do? I'm not sure how to read this whole situation. If she's actually interested in me I kind of want to say something tomorrow if I can, since it's Valentines' and all.[/QUOTE] If you're certain she's not dating anyone, I say go for it and ask her to get coffee.

[QUOTE=racerfan;51815834]I think this girl likes me but I'm worried I'm jumping the gun. I've had some small talk with her (which she usually starts) and we've gotten to know each other a bit, it seems she enjoys talking to me but I don't know if she's actually interested in me or if she's just being polite. She's dropped a few things I've figured might be hints (which honestly I'm terrible at telling), earlier she asked me for gum but wrote it down on her journal and showed it to me instead of just asking outright...but maybe I'm reading too far into it. As far as I know she isn't dating anyone and doesn't have many friends, she's joked a few times about the latter. what do? I'm not sure how to read this whole situation. If she's actually interested in me I kind of want to say something tomorrow if I can, since it's Valentines' and all.[/QUOTE] [QUOTE=OvB;51811575]Friend posts about her new boyfriend on Facebook the same day I was planning on asking her out ah fuck.[/QUOTE] Ask sooner rather than later.

Girl working next store over. Aside from small chit-chat we've never had a chance to really talk with each other since we're busy working. Today she outright tells me she's leaving the country soon and is uncertain when or if she's returning. I asked if she wants to hangout before she leaves and says yes. Numbers were exchanged and we're hanging out tomorrow evening. I was planning to ask for a hangout for a while but always felt shy about it for some reason. Should've ask sooner rather than later.

Happy valentine's day, mates. Hope you all have a date or ask someone out.