Super Friendly Social and Love Advice v8 - Stop spamming her with texts. - General

:trumpet: Girl from my work wants to go ice skating with me! The last time I took a girl skating (as friends) she said "I have a lot of respect for a guy who takes a girl on a skating date, because he knows he's not getting laid at the end of the night. Maybe a handjob at most."

[QUOTE=TheBloodyNine;51250730]At that point I'd already figured it was over and just wanted to be sure.[/QUOTE] Saying something like "are we not talking anymore?" is a self-fulfilling prophecy.

Dating again. Feels really nice. He's pretty great.

[QUOTE=Loofiloo;51250743]The last time I took a girl skating (as friends) she said "I have a lot of respect for a guy who takes a girl on a skating date, because he knows he's not getting laid at the end of the night. Maybe a handjob at most."[/QUOTE] Well, did you? (You don't have to answer that, where are my manners)

[QUOTE=RenegadeCop;51250817]Your conversation raises some red flags in my head. And they're not hers[/QUOTE] Yeah I know it looks shitty, that was just a generalization of what happened. [editline]23rd October 2016[/editline] [QUOTE=Guy Mannly;51250750]Saying something like "are we not talking anymore?" is a self-fulfilling prophecy.[/QUOTE] Yeah, true. You're right. It's just not the first time a girl started ghosting and I guess I'm sick of putting up with the bullshit. I like it a lot more when a girl just says it's over and then it's over, at least then I don't have to sit around wondering what's the deal.

[QUOTE=TehAgentGuy;51230617]~text~[/QUOTE] Update on that. I rejected her last Thursday, haven't heard from her until now. This morning I got a text from her which basically stated that she doesn't care and still wants to be with me. [t]http://i.imgur.com/aqM2XF5.png[/t] Help!

[QUOTE=TehAgentGuy;51251010]Update on that. I rejected her last Thursday, haven't heard from her until now. This morning I got a text from her which basically stated that she doesn't care and still wants to be with me. [t]http://i.imgur.com/aqM2XF5.png[/t] Help![/QUOTE] Block the number.

[QUOTE=OvB;51250792]Well, did you? (You don't have to answer that, where are my manners)[/QUOTE] My friend did not give me a hand job :v: I'll report back on the new girl when we actually find a time to coordinate, hopefully this week.

Letting out some disorganized thoughts. I'm 21 and still have never dated. I try not to focus on this too much; dwelling too hard on it leads to desperation, and that won't get you jack shit, but I really start asking questions about myself once everyone around me starts dating, and I'm still the only one left out. It sucks because I really don't get to meet people. I can hold a conversation pretty well, but I'm fucked when it comes to breaking the ice. That and nobody's ever been interested in me, that I've noticed. Maybe I'm oblivious, but I just can't picture someone ever being interested in me.

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[QUOTE=OrkO;51251971]So, I am going to visit her on Tuesday and basically tell her that I will give her one more chance, but that I don't want her hanging around that guy or his friends anymore. I'm also going to say that I think if she can't confidently commit to this relationship and embrace it, that we will probably break up, and that I am done giving her chances with that. I will say that if she has other complaints or problems, by all means to talk to me, because that kind of communication is important. But to have doubts about whether she wants to commit herself to a relationship at all is not really okay, and if she is constantly questioning herself in that regard, she probably shouldn't be in one, for both of our sakes. Does this sound okay?[/QUOTE] Just remember that words are meaningless if you don't support them with action (ie don't keep giving her "one more chance" for the same shit)

There's a girl that I talk to almost every day and we enjoy talking to each other. She told me she'd never make out with me because she treats me like I'm her brother, and she even said the love we have is kind of platonic. One day she was talking to me and told me she was upset with the fact that no one wants her, and I didn't know what to answer, so I just said the usual "you're gonna find someone worth your time some day". Now, I didn't know what to say. I thought of saying something like "you have me" or "I want you", but I think she would think of it as a joke and not take it seriously, or if she did, she would say something like "thanks". How do I proceed if I want to tell her that she has me?

[QUOTE=OrkO;51251971]So, I am going to visit her on Tuesday and basically tell her that I will give her one more chance, but that I don't want her hanging around that guy or his friends anymore. I'm also going to say that I think if she can't confidently commit to this relationship and embrace it, that we will probably break up, and that I am done giving her chances with that. I will say that if she has other complaints or problems, by all means to talk to me, because that kind of communication is important. But to have doubts about whether she wants to commit herself to a relationship at all is not really okay, and if she is constantly questioning herself in that regard, she probably shouldn't be in one, for both of our sakes. Does this sound okay?[/QUOTE] This is just my opinion, you're free to disagree and continue going after her but.. I would just dump her and be on with it. Nobody that has any respect for you as a partner is going to run around with some foreign exchange kid like some dreamy college movie and then come back and tell you she has feelings for him and wants to try dating him instead. She's already made it clear she's done, continuing it would just be letting yourself be strung along while you hold on a relationship that isn't really there. You can't help forming a crush on someone other than your partner when you're in a relationship, but taking it so far as spending a bunch of time with them alone and then confessing your romantic interests in them to your partner is just too much imo. At that point you're basically saying "look, I want to break up with you and start dating this other guy, but I don't want to deal with the negativity and heartbreak that is obviously going to follow".

[QUOTE=OrkO;51251971]So, I am going to visit her on Tuesday and basically tell her that I will give her one more chance, but that I don't want her hanging around that guy or his friends anymore. I'm also going to say that I think if she can't confidently commit to this relationship and embrace it, that we will probably break up, and that I am done giving her chances with that. I will say that if she has other complaints or problems, by all means to talk to me, because that kind of communication is important. But to have doubts about whether she wants to commit herself to a relationship at all is not really okay, and if she is constantly questioning herself in that regard, she probably shouldn't be in one, for both of our sakes. Does this sound okay?[/QUOTE] That's not going to work. If you start setting demands for her and trying to control her behavior, she is going to continue to withdraw from the relationship. If you feel like you need to control her and tell her who she can or can't talk to in order to be okay with the relationship continuing, it's already over. [editline]24th October 2016[/editline] Okay, I just reread your previous posts... So let me get this straight. This girl you're dating had feelings for another guy (which is totally normal, no matter how good a relationship is) and instead of acting on those feelings, she came to you and told you about them. So, as punishment for her honesty, you respond by trying to control her and treat her like some traitor who can't be trusted. Add all this to the fact that you're already concerned about her not being as committed to the relationship as you are. You are acting in an extremely controlling and manipulative way right now and she is enabling you to do so. I strongly suggest you speak to a counselor because this is not healthy for either of you.

[QUOTE=RockyTV;51252391]There's a girl that I talk to almost every day and we enjoy talking to each other. She told me she'd never make out with me because she treats me like I'm her brother, and she even said the love we have is kind of platonic. One day she was talking to me and told me she was upset with the fact that no one wants her, and I didn't know what to answer, so I just said the usual "you're gonna find someone worth your time some day". Now, I didn't know what to say. I thought of saying something like "you have me" or "I want you", but I think she would think of it as a joke and not take it seriously, or if she did, she would say something like "thanks". How do I proceed if I want to tell her that she has me?[/QUOTE] Seems like she likes you as a friend, but doesn't want more than that. Generally... "No-one wants me" === "No-one wants me, who I also want". [editline]24th October 2016[/editline] [QUOTE=Guy Mannly;51252830] Okay, I just reread your previous posts... So let me get this straight. This girl you're dating had feelings for another guy (which is totally normal, no matter how good a relationship is) and instead of acting on those feelings, she came to you and told you about them. So, as punishment for her honesty, you respond by trying to control her and treat her like some traitor who can't be trusted. Add all this to the fact that you're already concerned about her not being as committed to the relationship as you are. You are acting in an extremely controlling and manipulative way right now and she is enabling you to do so. I strongly suggest you speak to a counselor because this is not healthy for either of you.[/QUOTE] I think you're being a bit harsh on the guy. It's absolutely not fair on him to be in a relationship with that uncertainty, and if she can't cope with that she shouldn't be in a relationship. IF - and I'd suspect this is a big if - she comes to a conclusion about who she wants, then that's another matter.

Just realized most of the girls I come into regular contact with I know through University... am I fucked once I graduate? Is it still easy to find date-able women if you're in the workforce?

[QUOTE=Wealth + Taste;51253542]Just realized most of the girls I come into regular contact with I know through University... am I fucked once I graduate? Is it still easy to find date-able women if you're in the workforce?[/QUOTE] It's probably a little more difficult but you just need to go do things other than work/sleep and you'll meet people. Just expose yourself to places where people are at and be open to interacting with people whenever possible and things will happen.

[QUOTE=SataniX;51253124]I think you're being a bit harsh on the guy. It's absolutely not fair on him to be in a relationship with that uncertainty, and if she can't cope with that she shouldn't be in a relationship. IF - and I'd suspect this is a big if - she comes to a conclusion about who she wants, then that's another matter.[/QUOTE] I find it very concerning that he wants to marry her (and is treating their relationship based on this assumption) when she only considers them to be in a casual relationship. It's normal for people to have feelings for others and not act on them. All of us do it and it doesn't mean it's okay for you to put your partner on a leash because they were honest with you about something they're ashamed of and can't control.

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[QUOTE=Guy Mannly;51254380]I find it very concerning that he wants to marry her (and is treating their relationship based on this assumption) when she only considers them to be in a casual relationship. It's normal for people to have feelings for others and not act on them. All of us do it and it doesn't mean it's okay for you to put your partner on a leash because they were honest with you about something they're ashamed of and can't control.[/QUOTE] I think you're adding some subtext to the situation that isn't there. I didn't really see the point where she says she's ashamed of being attracted to somebody else. And their conversation wasn't just "I find another person attractive," it was "I'm thinking about dumping you in exchange for this other person." That is a pretty charged suggestion that goes beyond just getting feelings out in the open.

[QUOTE=OrkO;51255239]I said that she doesn't see us getting married in the future, which she sees as a problem. I do not have an expectation of marrying her, and that is not my plan.[/QUOTE] Looks like I misunderstood this part. I assumed she was worried about marriage because it was an issue that had been brought up. [QUOTE=Loofiloo;51255579]I think you're adding some subtext to the situation that isn't there. I didn't really see the point where she says she's ashamed of being attracted to somebody else. And their conversation wasn't just "I find another person attractive," it was "I'm thinking about dumping you in exchange for this other person." That is a pretty charged suggestion that goes beyond just getting feelings out in the open.[/QUOTE] Instead of leaving him she talked to him about the feelings she was experiencing and got his input on it. Obviously listening to someone tell you they're thinking of leaving you sucks and it wasn't an ideal way for her to handle it, but if your response is to tell her she has one more chance to commit, do you really think that's encouraging her to be honest in the future? [QUOTE=OrkO;51255239]That's where I see the problem. I think whenever these worries crop up, she starts to try and find escape routes for the relationship, and I think this thing with this foreign exchange guy is just an example of that. I have no idea why she has this occasional/intermittent anxiety toward commitment, and my whole point with what I wrote there is that I want to confront this (which I have never done before) and say she needs to either fix her anxiety toward committing herself to a relationship, or just not be in a relationship.[/QUOTE] Telling her "either fix your shit or it's over" isn't going to get anything done. If she's concerned about commitment, instead of telling her to stop reacting to it, maybe you should try and resolve the reasons she feels that way in the first place. Telling her not to talk to the guy or his friends, whether or not you think it's a good idea, is setting a limit on her freedom and ability to make her own choices and is not going to make commitment seem any more appealing to her than it already doesn't. Relationships are a two-way street. I'm not trying to justify anyone's behavior here, but her anxiety about commitment is not just her problem that she needs to deal with on her own. It is a problem in your relationship and, assuming you intend to continue the relationship, it is one you need to address as a team, not as one person scolding the other.

For some reason I find it hard to text people I know/meet, but I can text for days with people I met online/family. It's that normal? How can I start a conversation with people I've known for months out of the blue without looking crazy?

[QUOTE=RenegadeCop;51256244]I usually limit my friend texting to "hey want to meet up somewhere" and then the actual conversations take place[/QUOTE] Pretty much the same. I feel like [i]kids these days[/i] in Uni are having entire conversations though text and me not doing the same makes me seem unsociable. Perhaps I'm wrong though.

[QUOTE=OvB;51256250]Pretty much the same. I feel like [i]kids these days[/i] in Uni are having entire conversations though text and me not doing the same makes me seem unsociable. Perhaps I'm wrong though.[/QUOTE] Most people I know from school are the same way as well - we only text if we're making plans. I prefer talking in person because through text you totally miss out on inflections and body language. I actually get more nervous talking to someone via text than I do in person because in person it's easy to see how they're reacting to you.

I was going to type up a wall of text for this but I'll just cut to the chase. I'm currently attending college, freshman year. Never had much of a social life, it's gotten worse in the last couple of years. Recently got diagnosed with depression and severe anxiety, although I'm sure I've had it for way longer. So with all that in mind, can I get some general tips for making friends and keeping up with them? I've gotten to know a handful of people here, but most I haven't really spoken to beyond the first time meeting them. I'm not sure what to do from there, the few times I've worked up a nerve to try meeting up with someone I get blown off.

[QUOTE=racerfan;51256493]I was going to type up a wall of text for this but I'll just cut to the chase. I'm currently attending college, freshman year. Never had much of a social life, it's gotten worse in the last couple of years. Recently got diagnosed with depression and severe anxiety, although I'm sure I've had it for way longer. So with all that in mind, can I get some general tips for making friends and keeping up with them? I've gotten to know a handful of people here, but most I haven't really spoken to beyond the first time meeting them. I'm not sure what to do from there, the few times I've worked up a nerve to try meeting up with someone I get blown off.[/QUOTE] Seek out friendship, offer to hangout, and fake it till you make it. Confidence is 99% of making friends, and you won't become confident until you are confident. I couldn't look people in the eyes or speak above a whisper for years until I forced myself to act like I loved being social and knew what I was doing. People believed me, and I kept doing it until it became natural.

[QUOTE=Wealth + Taste;51253542]Just realized most of the girls I come into regular contact with I know through University... am I fucked once I graduate? Is it still easy to find date-able women if you're in the workforce?[/QUOTE] I've of got this issue, you can reconnect with old friends and meet their friend groups, go pub and meet people, join clubs or (and I'm not sure but it works for friends) try online dating

[QUOTE=TheBloodyNine;51256517]Seek out friendship, offer to hangout, and fake it till you make it. Confidence is 99% of making friends, and you won't become confident until you are confident. I couldn't look people in the eyes or speak above a whisper for years until I forced myself to act like I loved being social and knew what I was doing. People believed me, and I kept doing it until it became natural.[/QUOTE] I would say it's not really about whether they believe you or not so much as whether you're actually putting yourself out there. Most people in our society are uncomfortable with the idea of approaching strangers and getting to know them. Once you're out of high school, most people are also not that judgmental. You can be shy and awkward and admit you're both of those things and most people aren't going to care.

[QUOTE=TheBloodyNine;51256517]Seek out friendship, offer to hangout, and fake it till you make it. Confidence is 99% of making friends, and you won't become confident until you are confident. I couldn't look people in the eyes or speak above a whisper for years until I forced myself to act like I loved being social and knew what I was doing. People believed me, and I kept doing it until it became natural.[/QUOTE] Alcohol really helps too.

Honestly, the big thing I discovered is if you want to hang out with people and spend time with others you're the one who is going to have to do it. I always sat around not doing anything with anyone thinking none of my friends liked me because nobody invited me out, until I realized it's pretty much the same way for everyone. You're going to have to step up and organize some stuff if you want to go out with people, it's probably not going to come to you.