Super Friendly Social and Love Advice v8 - Stop spamming her with texts. - General

[QUOTE=OvB;51827987]I went out with a friend of mine and his gf to a bar for valentines day since I'm a single dude and they were having their anniversary the next day so opted out of a serious date on valentines. Was a nice night. We met up with another couple from class and played bar trivia.[/QUOTE] Bar trivia is the shit

messaged the girl ive been posting about if she wanted to get coffee today, we did and it worked out well i guess there was a lot of open time where we were just sitting there saying nothing but we talked about a lot of subjects and she seemed to be having a good time with me so i guess the quiet space was fine. i felt like i dropped the ball though, she asked if we had school on monday and i told her no, then i brought up when she said she was going ice fishing that day. she said she would go in the evening and didn't know what she'd do in the day, and then pondered on it a bit and i was totally trying to make a move and suggest an activity together but i just didnt have a clue of what to say. i wanted to ask her to go somewhere but i wasnt sure where, there's hardly anything to do in this town but eat food and drink alcohol. i still have time to think of something for monday if i want to but damn it wouldve been much better in the moment. ive been super nervous about making moves because there still lies the possibility that she has a boyfriend, the past 2 girls i was interested in made no sign of them having a boyfriend until i actually tried asking them out and it hurts a lot when that happens

[QUOTE=Levelog;51826338]I worked for 9 hours then got home and worked for another 3. Also made some great steak and mushrooms for one. Overall a successful Tuesday.[/QUOTE] Speaking of this I've become somewhat of a workaholic and it worries me for future relationships

I'm really glad things didn't fall apart for us and I told her my problems and she was nice about it and didn't think anything less of me. im going to ask her tomorrow if she wants to hang out.

[QUOTE=Zeos;51829095]Bar trivia is the shit[/QUOTE] We worked our way up to 7th place out of 17 players and then the categories "Famous Women" and "World Series History" killed us.

[QUOTE=Qaus;51828657]what an awesome valentine's day for you guys![/QUOTE] Thank you! It really was. I feel especially great because I've had to work through a lot of social anxiety to get here, I really feel like I've tangibly achieved something.

So I met this guy I was crazy into and we were talking every day for the past week. Just found out that he exaggerated on his claims of sexual/relationship experience - not only is he a virgin (which on its own is fine) but he has some hilariously naive perspectives on women and told me one of his exes was "odd" for not being ready for sex with 0 foreplay. 100 to 0. Would be nice to be attracted to anyone for more than a week. [editline]16th February 2017[/editline] And he doesn't read books and i can't really deal with that either

I am stuck in a bit of situation here. Girl I used to like and I don't talk anymore for past 3 years, it took me a while to get over her and a lot of emotional issues. Now recently I've stumbled across a page on porn site which was created by her bf, nothing revealing or anything private, just normal pics, just basically a page asking for "fakes and comments" and that's it. The reason I think it's him is: He's not tech savy guy or even clever so he used same nickname on website as his real name and even specified same country where he lives. He also posted pics that are not public on her social network pages. So it must be either him or someone close to her. I am not sure if I should tell her or just ignore it. If I was to tell her - it would be communication via my friend because my friend knows that if I talk to her directly - it will fuck up my mind again, so my friend said that she can message her if I want to. What I know for 100% fact is: She would not agree to post her pics on that site, that's for sure, she's not that type, a while ago - someone from her friends posted same thing and she went berserk.

[QUOTE=Guy Mannly;51830208]So I met this guy I was crazy into and we were talking every day for the past week. Just found out that he exaggerated on his claims of sexual/relationship experience - not only is he a virgin (which on its own is fine) but he has some hilariously naive perspectives on women and told me one of his exes was "odd" for not being ready for sex with 0 foreplay. 100 to 0. Would be nice to be attracted to anyone for more than a week. [editline]16th February 2017[/editline] And he doesn't read books and i can't really deal with that either[/QUOTE] Educate him :v: But I get what you mean, I was in a similar situation with a woman a few years ago. She was really intelligent and good looking but she started crying because I didn't bust during her foreplay BJ and everyday I saw her after that I started thinking about that moment. I bet you'll find someone you really like eventually, just keep at it!

Hopefully I can see her today after my program

[QUOTE=Guy Mannly;51830208]So I met this guy I was crazy into and we were talking every day for the past week. Just found out that he exaggerated on his claims of sexual/relationship experience - not only is he a virgin (which on its own is fine) but he has some hilariously naive perspectives on women and told me one of his exes was "odd" for not being ready for sex with 0 foreplay. 100 to 0. Would be nice to be attracted to anyone for more than a week. [editline]16th February 2017[/editline] And he doesn't read books and i can't really deal with that either[/QUOTE] hahaha wow Also why about the books thing?

Generally people who read more than just the news or blogs are more intellectually stimulating/able to pick up on things better. Like everyone can see the same episode of a show, but some people's attention to detail/interpretation about a book can really be cool to listen to. And I don't know about guy, but if you hate on a form of storytelling because you don't have the attention span, that's a turn off. Being a reader has always been a prereq for me.

I used to love reading. I think I still do but honestly I don't have the time anymore. I'm also a very visual person. I like books with illustrations so I can really get a good grasp of what I'm reading. If I had more time in my life to read I think I would. But I dunno. I don't HATE reading. It's just not a thing I do as often anymore. Not in the conventional way anyway. And I'm not overly fond of people who label that as an anti-intellectual stance. Honestly I get more joy out of reading sources and drafting up research papers I think lol. I'm actively participating in that sort of reading rather than just looking at a book.

Is hard to find stuff that is engaging for me these days. I was always into the mystery murder genre when it comes to books but nowadays is so hard to find a book on that area that compells me into reading it further. Last things I know I read from memory is the Surgeon and the BB cases from the Death Note book series. Also I have yet to finish Misery by Stephen King.

[QUOTE=RenegadeCop;51831195]Have you considered audio books?[/QUOTE] I have! I've been wanting to get the audiobook for Watership Down but I can't justify spending the money right now lol.

I want to start reading the Warhammer collection but it's just so confusing. One hell of a series to get into

[QUOTE=Pascall;51831091]I used to love reading. I think I still do but honestly I don't have the time anymore. I'm also a very visual person. I like books with illustrations so I can really get a good grasp of what I'm reading. If I had more time in my life to read I think I would. But I dunno. I don't HATE reading. It's just not a thing I do as often anymore. Not in the conventional way anyway. And I'm not overly fond of people who label that as an anti-intellectual stance. Honestly I get more joy out of reading sources and drafting up research papers I think lol. I'm actively participating in that sort of reading rather than just looking at a book.[/QUOTE] I'm in the same boat It's that as I get older I tend to do much less, for whatever reason if I can't finish something in one sitting I don't even bother Not with everything, but it's this way with books [editline]16th February 2017[/editline] also my driver license's test is saturday, wish me luck

cooked chicken parm and brought wine chocolate and flowers for the girl I like. Pretty successful valentines.

My crush sat down at the table where my friends and I were eating. We were both busy on our phones and I didn't say much until she showed me a photo that an app had changed into a panorama. I started making my Tinder profile and asked what the hell an anthem is and they started giving me suggestions and asked me why I was making a tinder. My crush asked me if it was a spur of the moment thing I decided to do on Valentine's Day and from there she joked that I was looking to hook up. I started making my usual jokes about me not understanding modern culture and we all had a good time. They brought up some good points though. Is tinder used by people who don't want to hook up or do people who want serious relationships also use it? Should I mention that I'm not looking to hook up in my profile or should I say I'm only looking for a serious relationship? I don't like to give out a lot of personal information on the Internet, especially when I I have to link it with my Facebook profile.

From what I've gathered Tinder is what you make of it, but not a lot of people take it seriously but more as an ego boost when someone they thought were hot thought they were hot. I wouldn't say what I'm looking for if I had it tho, and I don't think there's an issue linking it with facebook, that's just so that you can't create a lot of spam accounts.

I managed to express my feelings to my crush last valentine by texting but it turns out to be weird feelings while I wait for her reply. I felt like I don't really like her that much and kinda felt empty to keep on flirting with her. This thing stuck in my head for days now for not knowing what do to after I express my feelings or maybe I just still have my feelings for my ex? :saddowns:

[QUOTE=Mr. Sarcastic;51832462]My crush sat down at the table where my friends and I were eating. We were both busy on our phones and I didn't say much until she showed me a photo that an app had changed into a panorama. I started making my Tinder profile and asked what the hell an anthem is and they started giving me suggestions and asked me why I was making a tinder. My crush asked me if it was a spur of the moment thing I decided to do on Valentine's Day and from there she joked that I was looking to hook up. I started making my usual jokes about me not understanding modern culture and we all had a good time. They brought up some good points though. Is tinder used by people who don't want to hook up or do people who want serious relationships also use it? Should I mention that I'm not looking to hook up in my profile or should I say I'm only looking for a serious relationship? I don't like to give out a lot of personal information on the Internet, especially when I I have to link it with my Facebook profile.[/QUOTE] The only aspect of love I experienced during Valentine's Day was when I meditated on loving-kindness towards myself for the purpose of manifesting a more, "putting myself first"-lifestyle. When you sit on the floor smoking research chemicals and looking for pills you dropped somewhere around the computer desktop chair, at the same time you are chanting mantras that are supposed to give you divine powers; You start to question your personal life priorities. But I digress; Listen, from the question itself you have to realize that if you don't know what to put on your tinder profile that would determine your very purpose of even having an account, you might need to ask yourself: Do I have stabile routines, a healthy lifestyle, and the psychological maturity to share this life with another person without losing my own independence? Another thing, maybe you should tone down the thought patterns about establishing a relationship, at all, as when you and her fall deeper in love, the feelings basically dictates the relationship between you and your crush by itself. Telling someone that doesn't have feelings for you about the need to commit to a relationship is just awkward and repelling. Just create moments where you and her can have as much fun as possible, I rarely leave my apartment, thanks to legal insanity, so I'm not really an expert on activities there are to do, outside, that constitutes a social gathering. Last of all, do things that explores the communicative possibilities between the two of you. Instead of watching a movie, go play Indiana Jones in the forest, also called taking a walk with the uncertainty, whether the two of you will click and suddenly engage in a fun adventure with conversation filled with fluent laughter and jokes, or the silent awkwardness that would make a shit-eating fly commit suicide. Connecting in this manner, basically explores and uncover feelings that magically makes the world a place of happiness. Being infatuated and then rejected however, makes magic parallel with apostasy, but understand that this case scenario is an opportunity to find someone even better. (I usually ask the girls that I date if they are on any prescription medication since that way I can deduce the level of "feminine" behavior that is going to affect my life, and trust me, asking them about mental conditions, is redundant as the response basically justifies the relevancy of the question itself. Clingy behavior, displaying seduction vulnerability, unorthodox clothing style and symtoms of anxiety are the marks of evil, [borderline/histrionic personality disorder] avoid girls with these traits, but keep in mind that they have to stand out and somehow be perceived as a little eccentric when it comes to relating with other people. I'm just saying that if a goth, a loner perhaps, displays overly enthusiastic advances while recognized as being anxious, is more normal than a bisexual feminist that is addicted to sex and drugs, wants to be with you, but have trust issues that are based on deluded thought patterns that creates so turbulent interpersonal emotions that it makes a schizophrenic look calmer than Buddha himself.) That last description might be biased though. [editline]16th February 2017[/editline] [QUOTE=Nod23;51832651]I managed to express my feelings to my crush last valentine by texting but it turns out to be weird feelings while I wait for her reply. I felt like I don't really like her that much and kinda felt empty to keep on flirting with her. This thing stuck in my head for days now for not knowing what do to after I express my feelings or maybe I just still have my feelings for my ex? :saddowns:[/QUOTE] What possible purpose is there behind telling someone that you have developed feelings for her? Statistics say, women are more attracted to guys whose feelings are unclear. If you have feelings for someone, go bond, make jokes, become more close to this person. Just try to keep in mind that getting close to someone completely backfires if you obsessively contact that person frequently enough to make a stalker with bipolar disorder seem to be a more suitable partner.

I don't have any friends besides this girl and I'm really okay with that. Just having her to talk to is good enough for me. I also like how open she is to me about a lot of stuff.

[QUOTE=Pascall;51831091]I used to love reading. I think I still do but honestly I don't have the time anymore. I'm also a very visual person. I like books with illustrations so I can really get a good grasp of what I'm reading. If I had more time in my life to read I think I would. But I dunno. I don't HATE reading. It's just not a thing I do as often anymore. Not in the conventional way anyway. And I'm not overly fond of people who label that as an anti-intellectual stance. Honestly I get more joy out of reading sources and drafting up research papers I think lol. I'm actively participating in that sort of reading rather than just looking at a book.[/QUOTE] IMO this counts. Writing research papers is a commitment and still shows self-discipline and a drive for knowledge and that's why reading is important to me. Plus I would count doing research outside of books as reading, though I distinguish between "research" and "sifting through Wikipedia for 5 minutes about something you had a passing curiosity about" (which is the extent to which this guy seems to read). [QUOTE=blacksam;51831059]And I don't know about guy, but if you hate on a form of storytelling because you don't have the attention span, that's a turn off. Being a reader has always been a prereq for me.[/QUOTE] Exactly. If you don't read (and [i]especially[/i] if you treat "I haven't read a book in 5 years!" as a point of pride), it tells me you lack self-discipline, patience, and a drive for knowledge. It's kind of like hearing someone brag about how they can't even cook eggs/pasta - it's not something you should be proud of and it's something you should be amending if you have any intentions of ever becoming an adult. On top of that, I read a lot (minimum of 2 books a month, this January it was 5) and a lot of my world perspective is based on literature. I'm also a philosophy minor so I do a lot of reading for that alone. I really have no interest in dating someone who isn't literate enough to have a stimulating argument with. I've had conversations about philosophy/theology with plenty of illiterate folk and it usually ends up as me educating them on what existentialism or theodicy are and summarizing texts that they have 0 interest in ever reading. It's never intellectually stimulating for me and that happens to be important for me in a relationship. [editline]16th February 2017[/editline] Also, I'm probably gay. I'm investigating this further.

[QUOTE=Crpto2007;51833063]I don't have any friends besides this girl and I'm really okay with that. Just having her to talk to is good enough for me. I also like how open she is to me about a lot of stuff.[/QUOTE] Find a club or an organization to join where you can make friends. This is buddhist mental medicine prescribed by me. An active social life noticeably decreases the chance of developing depression, destructive lifestyles, addictive behaviors and anxiety issues. It also prolongs your life expectancy. To be frank, creating a lifestyle with routines that covers exercise, social bonding, work, play and lazytime (procrastination is actually good for you in moderation.). I love my procrastination routines, I have a calendar that says "Do nothing: [ ]", and I just check the boxes when I feel like doing things that make sense again. Enough about procrastination though, social connections are important, they feed you with ideas and you reflect on these ideas and gradually apply them to your own identity as you get out there. There was a time when I thought that friends wasn't necessary, but then the anxiety came, with that, low self-esteem and then I fell into a depression. I would like to say, that if I had not been the "rejected outcast" in high-school (don't worry, it was a mutual decision), life for me now might have been different.

[QUOTE=Guy Mannly;51833530]IMO this counts. Writing research papers is a commitment and still shows self-discipline and a drive for knowledge and that's why reading is important to me. Plus I would count doing research outside of books as reading, though I distinguish between "research" and "sifting through Wikipedia for 5 minutes about something you had a passing curiosity about" (which is the extent to which this guy seems to read). Exactly. If you don't read (and [i]especially[/i] if you treat "I haven't read a book in 5 years!" as a point of pride), it tells me you lack self-discipline, patience, and a drive for knowledge. It's kind of like hearing someone brag about how they can't even cook eggs/pasta - it's not something you should be proud of and it's something you should be amending if you have any intentions of ever becoming an adult. On top of that, I read a lot (minimum of 2 books a month, this January it was 5) and a lot of my world perspective is based on literature. I'm also a philosophy minor so I do a lot of reading for that alone. I really have no interest in dating someone who isn't literate enough to have a stimulating argument with. I've had conversations about philosophy/theology with plenty of illiterate folk and it usually ends up as me educating them on what existentialism or theodicy are and summarizing texts that they have 0 interest in ever reading. It's never intellectually stimulating for me and that happens to be important for me in a relationship. [editline]16th February 2017[/editline] Also, I'm probably gay. I'm investigating this further.[/QUOTE] My boyfriend is SUPER into books and stuff and while I can't really relate anymore, I can still hold conversations about the books he reads and the stuff he writes. I think as long as we can have that level of conversation, then that's probably good~ I think I might also read more if I had a reader like a Kindle or something? I use my phone a lot when I'm just kinda idle in between classes so if I had books on my phone I'd probably be more likely to do that if I could put it down and pick it back up in the exact spot. Also yeah research papers give me a lot of weird joy, I had to write like a 2-3 page one for one of my education classes a few semesters ago and I ended up writing 20 pages in a span of 18 hours on a subject I'd known nothing about. But shit was fun.

I listen to a ton of audiobooks and it has made reading frequently infinitely easier for me. I have a 30 minute commute to campus and about a 10 minute walk to class so I always am listening to an audiobook during that time. I'm dyslexic so reading books visually can get nauseating after a while for me (though that doesn't stop me from doing it). Ebooks for your smartphone are also a good option to look into if it's something you're interested in. I occasionally read on my phone as well. When it comes to reading visually, I personally prefer having a physical book in my hands, though.

[QUOTE=Crpto2007;51833063]I don't have any friends besides this girl and I'm really okay with that. Just having her to talk to is good enough for me. I also like how open she is to me about a lot of stuff.[/QUOTE] Semi relevant story/question of my own. I've been in an LDR with my gf since last July, barring a month for Christmas, and since I'm in a pretty secluded area, I've basically had nobody to talk to but her and a guy I met online ages ago. That resulted in me spending pretty much all of my time in my house, leaving only to go shopping with family or for work (part time). Recently I moved to a different (same management, but different place) area to work. It's a bit more challenging, but less boring than the previous place, and we still get a lot of downtime. Cue Monday, I worked a shift with this girl, who's currently a senior in hs (I graduated last year). We hung out and talked most of our downtime and honestly, it was the most fun I've had talking to someone since my gf left, it was just really easy to talk to her. It made me realise what I've been missing by staying secluded and made me miss that contact. Problem is, I've got a small crush on that girl and I'm a bit afraid of doing something stupid. Is it a bad idea to try to hang out more with her while I'm still here (another month right now, then probably a month or two after I visit my gf in the US)? I have no intention of cheating on my gf and think I can control myself enough not to let anything happen.

I like having books but I'm running out of room to have any more "stuff". That and I don't think I'm dyslexic but I have a hard time processing what I'm reading moreso now than I used to growing up? And I'm not sure what that is. Audiobooks sound like the way to go for me but I think I would need a cheap service to be willing to justify spending the money.

[QUOTE=Pascall;51833706]I like having books but I'm running out of room to have any more "stuff". That and I don't think I'm dyslexic but I have a hard time processing what I'm reading moreso now than I used to growing up? And I'm not sure what that is. Audiobooks sound like the way to go for me but I think I would need a cheap service to be willing to justify spending the money.[/QUOTE] Public libraries usually have audiobooks. Only issues are that you might not have a huge selection, and I know that not everyone still has a CD player these days