Super Friendly Social and Love Advice v8 - Stop spamming her with texts. - General

Welp, new shit happened in my life (3rd time this week) The girl I used to like - is getting engaged. We dont talk for past 3 years and it makes no difference to me but still makes me feel depressed. On a bright side: I restored my social networks because someone knowing that I like someone is now least of my sources of stress...

[QUOTE=Blueridge;51844568]waiting for a reply keeps killing me inside the lack of instant feedback hurts but i gotta stick through with it i guess, hopefully she replies before tommorow so i can see if shes still free in the morning and set something up with her when my cousin's children were first born they were afraid of me, now as they're older (~4-7 years old) the first thing they do is come into my room to see what i'm doing at my computer i wouldn't worry about it tbh, some kids are just scared of certain people but as they get used to you they'll warm up[/QUOTE] Thank you for telling. I knew that was the case, but I can't help it to think about it sometimes. I will wait patiently to see her smiling at me someday.

[QUOTE=noooo;51843444]I had sex for the first time today If you can call it that - it wouldn't stay up it was so embarrassing :([/QUOTE] There's plenty of other times bro

[QUOTE=noooo;51843444]I had sex for the first time today If you can call it that - it wouldn't stay up it was so embarrassing :([/QUOTE] Nerves will get you sometimes. Happens to the best of us. Shit, I'm still completely fucked up about condoms. Just thinking about putting on a condom makes my pecker die no matter how turned on I am. Instead of trying to fix my mental deficiency, I just haven't worn one in like 5 years lmao. But seriously, you just gotta calm down and relax. It's gonna be tough because the next time you have sex, you will probably be thinking, "Oh man I hope that doesn't happen again," which will rile you up and make it more likely to happen. Alcohol in small amounts can help ease the nerves, or hippie lettuce if you're into that kind of thing. Here's the thing you gotta keep in mind, just about everyone has had a bad/embarrassing sexual experience. Many people have had a lot of them. There's been plenty of times when I had whiskey dick, was just super nervous and kept losing boners, or nutted in a solid 3 strokes. Shit happens. Girls endure the same kind of shit, they have experiences where they fart loudly or start their period or do whatever it is girls do to embarrass themselves while fucking. So basically, just keep in mind when/if that kind of thing happens, unless you're hooking up with someone who's a terrible cunt, they aren't gonna be pointing and laughing. They've most likely been in a similar situation and are going to understand/be willing to try and help you overcome it.

[QUOTE=RenegadeCop;51845477]If condoms didn't smell like condoms, they might not kill my boners as much.[/QUOTE] I can do everything I want with a condom except put the damned thing on ;(

I used to put on condoms inside out, it was fucking hard to put them on [sp]happened like 5 times before I figured it out[/sp]

[QUOTE=MaverickIB;51845452]Nerves will get you sometimes. Happens to the best of us. Shit, I'm still completely fucked up about condoms. Just thinking about putting on a condom makes my pecker die no matter how turned on I am. Instead of trying to fix my mental deficiency, I just haven't worn one in like 5 years lmao. But seriously, you just gotta calm down and relax. It's gonna be tough because the next time you have sex, you will probably be thinking, "Oh man I hope that doesn't happen again," which will rile you up and make it more likely to happen. Alcohol in small amounts can help ease the nerves, or hippie lettuce if you're into that kind of thing. Here's the thing you gotta keep in mind, just about everyone has had a bad/embarrassing sexual experience. Many people have had a lot of them. There's been plenty of times when I had whiskey dick, was just super nervous and kept losing boners, or nutted in a solid 3 strokes. Shit happens. Girls endure the same kind of shit, they have experiences where they fart loudly or start their period or do whatever it is girls do to embarrass themselves while fucking. So basically, just keep in mind when/if that kind of thing happens, unless you're hooking up with someone who's a terrible cunt, they aren't gonna be pointing and laughing. They've most likely been in a similar situation and are going to understand/be willing to try and help you overcome it.[/QUOTE] Thank you for the advice - you're right, she was really understanding and nice about it. We just kinda hung out after a few tries. I think a little drink to calm my nerves will help next time. I've been feeling pretty shit all weekend as a result though. I'm older than I'd like to admit and my first time was a non-starter. You're right about the condom, as a cut guy I can't feel much as it is, but with one on it was like I might as well have not had a penis at all hah. Bit of a bummer to learn that midway through, but I enjoyed the foreplay so hey not all bad.

I'm really starting to fall for this girl and it's a nice feeling.

[QUOTE=RenegadeCop;51845477]If condoms didn't smell like condoms, they might not kill my boners as much.[/QUOTE] any time I have had to wear latex gloves it just reminds me of the smell of condoms, and that's not great. the smell of condoms doesn't bother me when I'm about to get down to business, since you know, got a hot naked girl in front of me, it's hard to not have a boner

Went into the cafeteria for dinner tonight. The table some of my friends were at had no room to sit and the other table was just my crush and her boyfriend, so I sat at a table by myself and ate alone. I've turned to singing positive songs to try and trick myself into feeling better. I have all the lyrics to "Blue Skies" memorized now.

[QUOTE=Kabstrac;51847958]Hey man that sucks, however, [B]ain't nothing wrong with hanging with yourself.[/B] People will come and go, and perhaps some may even stay, but the only thing that is guaranteed is that you'll always have your own back. Enjoy your own company.[/QUOTE] I left out a very important bit of this sentence when I read it and I was extremely concerned for a second.

I gave her a gift for late valentine's day (because I didn't see her that day), I can clearly tell she wasn't expecting it at all, she hasn't talked to me since that happened, it was last thrusday, I have patience, what should I do FP?

[QUOTE=Mr. Sarcastic;51843597]So I talked with my crush's boyfriend and my close friend when we were eating the other day. We just talked about hilariously bad movies like Plan 9, the Room, and Troll 2. It was almost like old times. I also talked to the friend I'm closest to on campus. (NOT the same friend she's dating) I already told him I had a crush on this girl so I told him who it was. I mentioned how this is the first time I've had a crush on someone at an intellectual level and not in some way based on appearance. He nodded and said "Yeah. [name]'s got a sexy brain on her." Then not long after, she saw us and sat down to talk for a while. As if liking swing music and knowing a lot about politics wasn't enough in common between her and I, we all started talking about traditional role playing games we've played and sure enough, she liked that too. I think avoiding her when I can was a mistake, I'll just limit myself to a certain amount of time spent talking with her (and her boyfriend) per week or per day. Also, I just deleted my tinder profile because I accidentally "super liked" about 5 people and I'd have to pay money to undo it. The lack of information on people was also frustrating.[/QUOTE] I can sort of pick up what you're going through cause I went through it myself. Limiting time around them does help, but there's no harm in keeping her as a friend as it already seems you are. Waiting and wanting hurts pretty damn bad though so as much as you can just establish a trustworthy friendship for now. Build a solid foundation because who knows, one day you two might hit it off. Worst case? You've got a great friend. I did that with a girl, she broke up with her boyfriend, and after spending a year with her it turned out she was manipulative and just a bad person. You can never tell how they'll be in a relationship until you're in it. I don't even know if we had a relationship because she was brainwashing me the entire time. In my case it all ended with me walking and being civil with her for the sake of everyone's peace, but I wouldn't say I got a great friend out of it. I got a fat life lesson really.

I'd kinda like to get some outside perspective on a situation I'm in with a friend. She's a girl I've hooked up with several times, but we never "officially" dated. The last time we had sex was nearly a year ago. I didn't talk to her much in the last few months, but we're kinda becoming close friends again. And even before, she and I were SUPER close as friends. Like, the best friend that each other has ever had. The recurring issue I have is that I find it really awkward meeting any boyfriends she has, because I know the sexual history I have with her, and can practically guarantee I'm closer with her than this guy she's only known for a few months, tops. It makes me feel really weird about the situation for some hard-to-explain reason. Basically I feel like I would be "the guy she tells you not to worry about" in that situation. I think this even happened once, when she invited me to her birthday party last year, her boyfriend at the time seemed to get this annoyed look every time she brought up one of the in-jokes between me and her. I don't know, I have this compulsive feeling like I don't want to be around her and any boyfriend in case my presence would be inadvertently throwing a wrench into their relationship, but I think it would just look super-suspicious if I actively avoid those situations. For now I've been kinda keeping contact with her to a minimum. But I'm worried she's gonna press me about meeting her current boyfriend, because she sees our whole sexual past as water under the bridge, but I don't know if other people are going to see it the same way. I know for a fact that one of her boyfriends broke up with her specifically BECAUSE he didn't believe her sexual past with me was water under the bridge. I, for one, would feel weird introducing a girlfriend to her, saying that she's my best friend and we were having sex on and off about a year ago. That seems like it has SO MUCH potential to introduce insecurity or even jealousy in the relationship, and I don't know if I would even introduce a girlfriend to her in the first place, to even take that risk. I still want to be friends with her, but it feels wrong to get so closely involved that I meet her boyfriend, but it also feels wrong to carry on like some kind of "secret friend" that these guys can't know about. I don't know what to do with myself in this situation.

[QUOTE=Loofiloo;51852519]I'd kinda like to get some outside perspective on a situation I'm in with a friend. She's a girl I've hooked up with several times, but we never "officially" dated. The last time we had sex was nearly a year ago. I didn't talk to her much in the last few months, but we're kinda becoming close friends again. And even before, she and I were SUPER close as friends. Like, the best friend that each other has ever had. The recurring issue I have is that I find it really awkward meeting any boyfriends she has, because I know the sexual history I have with her, and can practically guarantee I'm closer with her than this guy she's only known for a few months, tops. It makes me feel really weird about the situation for some hard-to-explain reason. Basically I feel like I would be "the guy she tells you not to worry about" in that situation. I think this even happened once, when she invited me to her birthday party last year, her boyfriend at the time seemed to get this annoyed look every time she brought up one of the in-jokes between me and her. I don't know, I have this compulsive feeling like I don't want to be around her and any boyfriend in case my presence would be inadvertently throwing a wrench into their relationship, but I think it would just look super-suspicious if I actively avoid those situations. For now I've been kinda keeping contact with her to a minimum. But I'm worried she's gonna press me about meeting her current boyfriend, because she sees our whole sexual past as water under the bridge, but I don't know if other people are going to see it the same way. I know for a fact that one of her boyfriends broke up with her specifically BECAUSE he didn't believe her sexual past with me was water under the bridge. I, for one, would feel weird introducing a girlfriend to her, saying that she's my best friend and we were having sex on and off about a year ago. That seems like it has SO MUCH potential to introduce insecurity or even jealousy in the relationship, and I don't know if I would even introduce a girlfriend to her in the first place, to even take that risk. I still want to be friends with her, but it feels wrong to get so closely involved that I meet her boyfriend, but it also feels wrong to carry on like some kind of "secret friend" that these guys can't know about. I don't know what to do with myself in this situation.[/QUOTE] I understand how you feel, but you should really just try and forget about it imo. If the two of you want to be friends, be friends. Unless you're actively scheming to bang her while she's dating another guy you're not doing anything wrong or nefarious and it's the other dude's problem if he's insecure about your guys' relationship. Same goes if you want to introduce a girlfriend to her, although I'm the type of person that would probably avoid making that introduction just to save myself and my partner that weirdness, even though in principle you should hope your girlfriend is mature enough to deal with the fact that you have female friends.

It's not so much just having friends of the opposite sex, but friends of the opposite sex that used to bang. I mean obviously we don't have to TELL people we have this history, but I tend to have the outlook that the full story will come out sooner or later, so it's better to be honest up front. Then again, being honest about that up front could very well get the current SO going "Sooo..... The sex HAS stopped... right?" and might just raise unneeded suspicion. I get that anybody in a relationship in this situation should not be insecure, but I think everyone's going to have their doubts sooner or later. Like, is it suspicious that she and I go to a movie together? That we get dinner alone? That we stay out together until 3 am? That she comes over to my place? That we drink together? That she sleeps over on the couch? Just because [i]I[/i] know nothing illicit is happening in these situations doesn't mean it's going to look like that to an outsider. And like I said, one of her boyfriends broke up with her specifically because A) she lied about how much of a sexual history she had with me, and B) he suspected that she and I were still involved (we weren't). That's probably the #1 thing that's throwing me off. Obviously I have never and WOULD never have sex with her while she's in a relationship, but the fact that a past boyfriend got so suspicious of us that it broke apart the relationship has got me kind of walking on eggshells these days.

Every worry that you have is not your responsability, if a relationship ends due to any of those reasons it's not your problem, it's their problem because they couldn't handle a sexual past wel. Id they ask [QUOTE]Sooo..... The sex HAS stopped... right[/QUOTE] The answer is [I]yes[/I] and that should be the end of it. If suspicion arises, it's the SO's fault for not trusting their partner. Anyone sith half a brain can see that. [editline]21st February 2017[/editline] Jealousy kills the relationship of the people involved, don't let someone unrelated's jelausy to kill YOUR friendship.

[QUOTE=Cosa8888;51853755]Every worry that you have is not your responsability, if a relationship ends due to any of those reasons it's not your problem, it's their problem because they couldn't handle a sexual past wel. Id they ask The answer is no and that should be the end of it. If suspicion arises, it's the SO's fault for not trusting their partner. Anyone sith half a brain can see that. [editline]21st February 2017[/editline] Jealousy kills thenrelationship of the people involved, don't let someone unrelated's jelausy to kill YOUR friendship.[/QUOTE] I think you mean yes. If the answer was no then it hasn't stopped :v: and that would be an issue

[QUOTE=Blueridge;51838750]just spent an hour shooting ideas on ways to start a conversation over fb with this girl, every time i came up with an idea he'd shoot it down eventually just settled with "hey hows it going??" because its simple and i have plans to avoid small talk if it gets to that point[/QUOTE] small update: no reply but i feel more reassured or something i guess i talked to a couple of friends about it and got responses that were either "just wait until she replies" or "drop it", all of them being normal responses, but i can't help but think there's another option because the entire situation is weird to me eventually i talked to a friend japanese friend who seemed to have talked to her a bit and he told me that to her its probably not unusual or anything like that. basically he said i should try being more direct because the longer this goes on without me asking her out the harder itll be on me, but he "couldnt say more than that for my case". guess ill try asking her to hang out again and see if i can flirt with her and/or ask her out

Well you said how's it going and she hasn't replied. If she doesn't reply then shrug, don't turn into that dude sending message after message. If she's seen the message she's chosen not to reply to it

[QUOTE=NeonpieDFTBA;51853799]I think you mean yes. If the answer was no then it hasn't stopped :v: and that would be an issue[/QUOTE] Right

[QUOTE=Blueridge;51853817]small update: no reply but i feel more reassured or something i guess i talked to a couple of friends about it and got responses that were either "just wait until she replies" or "drop it", all of them being normal responses, but i can't help but think there's another option because the entire situation is weird to me eventually i talked to a friend japanese friend who seemed to have talked to her a bit and he told me that to her its probably not unusual or anything like that. basically he said i should try being more direct because the longer this goes on without me asking her out the harder itll be on me, but he "couldnt say more than that for my case". guess ill try asking her to hang out again and see if i can flirt with her and/or ask her out[/QUOTE] You messaged her like a week ago, didn't you? Either she doesn't use facebook basically at all, or else she's not interested in you. So whatever you do, there's no sense in messaging her on facebook again - at this point you either get a "woops, sorry don't use facebook very often!" (and you'll get nothing out of an additional message) or you'll get nothing at all. If you really want to ask her out, chat her up next time you see each other, gauge her interest and ask her out. Otherwise I'd cut my losses, doesn't sound like you've really had much contact with her anyway? There are plenty of fish in the sea after all.

[QUOTE=GoDong-DK;51853869]You messaged her like a week ago, didn't you? Either she doesn't use facebook basically at all, or else she's not interested in you. So whatever you do, there's no sense in messaging her on facebook again - at this point you either get a "woops, sorry don't use facebook very often!" (and you'll get nothing out of an additional message) or you'll get nothing at all. If you really want to ask her out, chat her up next time you see each other, gauge her interest and ask her out. Otherwise I'd cut my losses, doesn't sound like you've really had much contact with her anyway? There are plenty of fish in the sea after all.[/QUOTE] she told me at the start she doesn't check facebook often, but she did respond to the asking out to coffee thing fairly quickly i dont have an alternative to talk to her, this campus is huge and theres no way of talking to her in person without setting it up beforehand because class schedule differences and whatnot normally id give up after all of this but im just confused by the fact that in person she seemed okay, she was smiling, joking around and bringing up new topics about as often as i was. if this doesnt work and she doesn't reply again then ill give up for good

[QUOTE=Blueridge;51853920]she told me at the start she doesn't check facebook often, but she did respond to the asking out to coffee thing fairly quickly i dont have an alternative to talk to her, this campus is huge and theres no way of talking to her in person without setting it up beforehand because class schedule differences and whatnot normally id give up after all of this but im just confused by the fact that in person she seemed okay, she was smiling, joking around and bringing up new topics about as often as i was. if this doesnt work and she doesn't reply again then ill give up for good[/QUOTE] Oh, didn't see that you went out for coffee. You didn't get her phone number or something? I'd say if she's willing to go out and grab a solo coffee, you have a bit more leeway - still, if she responded a few days later last time around, why shouldn't she this time? My apprehension about sending more than one message in a row is basically because you don't want to seem clingy and you don't want to put her in an awkward spot, but I guess you could send something more concrete if she doesn't answer "hey how's it going" - one of my friends, whom I'm otherwise pretty close with, would never respond to those kinds of messages, because he simply doesn't use facebook like that. Trying to set up something specific might yield different results. But I'll reiterate that personally - if I were potentially interested in someone romantically - I wouldn't stretch out my response time to the limit, but hey, I'm not from Japan. Either way, there isn't any harm (worst case she doesn't respond and you all forget about) in sending her another message with something more specific to actually do - maybe wait a couple of dates for your last message's expiring date. If she doesn't respond, I'd move on, you don't want to end like this guy: [url]http://vgperson.tumblr.com/post/21533650696/help-the-girl-i-like-wont-respond-to-my-emails[/url]

[QUOTE=GoDong-DK;51853984]Oh, didn't see that you went out for coffee. You didn't get her phone number or something? I'd say if she's willing to go out and grab a solo coffee, you have a bit more leeway - still, if she responded a few days later last time around, why shouldn't she this time? [/QUOTE] i should clarify a bit i guess - before grabbing coffee the last message she sent me was that she was going ice fishing later in the week. i messaged her back asking where at and she never responded. 6 days after that i asked if she wanted coffee and she responded in like an hour. so it wasn't really that she had a late response, more like she i think she never would have responded to it i've been trying to avoid being clingy but my usual disposition is to wait everything out and be indirect so that i dont put anyone in an awkward spot, because the times ive been direct it got awkward real quick for me(you can check my previous posts in these threads for examples). so when i sent a message saying "hey hows it going" it was me trying to start a small talk conversation and then lead into asking her to do something, because i thought it would be awkward if our online messages were nothing but invitation after invitation when talking to my friend from japan he noted that if he was in my position he would "find a way to say it's rude not to reply culture lesson 101", which made me realize that to her it's probably not something worth replying to, because it wouldn't be for me. i usually send messages to my friends in a much different manner, and sent that message to her in order to be indirect, which would only hurt me in the long run according to him its been 3 days since i sent that message so im guessing its starting to get a bit safer to send another one. i guess this time ill just see if she wants to chill in the social area on campus or something, the only other option i can think of is coffee again Edit: i doubt she has a phone number i can call, most of the other exchange students are relying solely on wifi to message people. there's a messaging app that sees more use in japan than facebook but i never bothered asking if she had it

GF was straight up with me about thinking that we moved too fast into a relationship and that we should have some distance and date and get to know eachother better before jumping into one. Though it sucks, I'm glad she's honest with me

[QUOTE=Kite_shugo;51854177]GF with was straight up with me about thinking that we moved too fast with into a relationship and that we should have some distance and date and get to know eachother better before jumping into one. Though it sucks, I'm glad she's honest with me[/QUOTE] Hey, keep your chin up, not the worst news. If it works out then your relationship will be double strong. If not, then you are just saving yourself wasted time. At the very least this means that your GF is comfortable discussing things like this with you honestly which is a good sign.

I wonder if she likes me back. I've liked her for awhile now. I like how she's able to tell me things that's bothering her. It makes me feel like she has a lot of trust in me

[QUOTE=Zombinie;51854300]Hey, keep your chin up, not the worst news. If it works out then your relationship will be double strong. If not, then you are just saving yourself wasted time. At the very least this means that your GF is comfortable discussing things like this with you honestly which is a good sign.[/QUOTE] Some very true words man, I appreciate it

I am quite weird, like mentally weird I think (Starting to think so more frequently). I am 23 now, but as a kid: I never adressed my mother as: mom, always just talking directly, same for my father (who I haven't really spoken to since I was 2, new family etc..). Same for my grnadmother and grandfather. Grown up in Eastern Europe, we had big apartment blocks and when I was outdoors and needed to talk to either my grand father or mother - I would stand under window and shout: Oi/Yo. And I didn't see anything wrong with that, even though parents of all apartments looked out the window - I kept shouting until my parents would peek window. Literally never adressed them properly, everyone - mother, grandmother, grandfather have tried to make me address them properly - I never submitted to it and kept addressing them directly. Now it seems weird to me, I have problem saying I love any of them, or giving hugs, I just avoid it completely, I don't really know why, when I am forced into hug - I feel awkward and weird and try to escape it. Whenever I see any of my parents and at goodbye when they go for hugs or kisses, I always say: No formalities (in a joke way) It feels weird and awkward to be close to them, I doubt I will change at this point, the best I am doing now to show that I support them is to help them out financially. Anyone has/had same shit happening?