Super Friendly Social and Love Advice v8 - Stop spamming her with texts. - General

[QUOTE=Guy Mannly;51257279]I would say it's not really about whether they believe you or not so much as whether you're actually putting yourself out there. Most people in our society are uncomfortable with the idea of approaching strangers and getting to know them. Once you're out of high school, most people are also not that judgmental. You can be shy and awkward and admit you're both of those things and most people aren't going to care.[/QUOTE] You're so right The fear they instill when you're a child (don't talk to strangers) should just go away at a certain point The best people I've met were total strangers I had never seen before: but it takes a small sentence to open a meaningful relationship

[QUOTE=SebiWarrior;51259807]You're so right The fear they instill when you're a child (don't talk to strangers) should just go away at a certain point The best people I've met were total strangers I had never seen before: but it takes a small sentence to open a meaningful relationship[/QUOTE] I don't think anyone but people with stress/anxiety disorders is really "afraid" of strangers in the way children are encouraged to be. Sometimes it's because we're afraid of rejection and sometimes the perceived rewards of starting a conversation just aren't seen to be worth the effort.

Another thing to remember that sort of relates to what I said is that you're just Human and so is everyone around you. It's sorta the highschool advice of "everyone is just as scared as you don't feel intimidated". You're literally feeling the same thing that everyone around you probably feels, don't feel like you're isolated / alone or like anyone around you has their life anymore together than you, even socially. When you go up to talk to someone thinking "oh my god I hope I'm not too weird I want them to like me", they're thinking "oh my god I hope I'm not too weird I want this guy to like me."

I assume I'm bothering people. And also friends only tolerate me to be nice. Think I have low self esteem.

[QUOTE=OvB;51260134]I assume I'm bothering people. And also friends only tolerate me to be nice. Think I have low self esteem.[/QUOTE] It's low self esteem / depressive emotions. It's common to think your friends don't really like you, or that you're just a bother. Just something some people deal with.

[QUOTE=RenegadeCop;51260103]I hope everyone is so worried about introducing themselves that they never remember the name of the other person, because that's my life in a nutshell[/QUOTE] Sorry, what's your name again?

[QUOTE=OvB;51260134]I assume I'm bothering people. And also friends only tolerate me to be nice. Think I have low self esteem.[/QUOTE] Most people do. Recently me and a friend got really drunk and fell into bed together - she walked me to a taxi and then back to her house and I didn't even push for it. I barely remember much about that night after getting in the taxi, but it was a bit awkward over the weekend and subsequent days - and I thought that [I]I[/I] was to blame for the entire thing and that I had potentially ruined a great friendship and went on thinking that for about 5 days and only stopped thinking that when I realised nothing had changed Magnification, emotional reasoning and taking responsibility. Low self esteem is a real bitch

That's one of my biggest hold-backs in my life right now. I'm trying to engage myself more with people and I feel like I'm just coming off as an awkward bother. I know that's not how people think about me (at least I hope not, most of them at least), but nothing will ever shut down that bit in my brain that's telling me not to just because I might be annoying them. I fucking hate it.

so, its been a shitty week overall. First, my grandma died so i had to run to my home city after uni classes, and while i walked through uni, there it was, the sight i wasnt expecting at all. A little backstory abridged: Had a girlfriend, meant the world to me, she dumped me, still in love with her, she started dating a guy couple months ago, i dated a girl for a month (ended it in good terms). Ex says hi to me at uni (we are uni mates), i find that weird, look up her fb and shes no longer with the dude, my hopes get high and bam, i see her kissing her "ex" happy at unis patio. Felt like crap, didnt really thought i would see that after all the "i wanna be alone, things werent working out" speech she said to a friend. Anyway, wasnt planning on winning her back but this kind of shook hit me hard, i guess im still in love with her, after almost 11 months. I still wanna keep dating and such, just for fun, is it too wrong? i think the time i spent with the girl i dated for a month helped me greatly to forget about my ex, and she was in almost the same terms as me, should be cool right? if im honest about my feelings and situation right? to date for fun?

[QUOTE=TheBloodyNine;51256517]Seek out friendship, offer to hangout, and fake it till you make it. Confidence is 99% of making friends, and you won't become confident until you are confident. I couldn't look people in the eyes or speak above a whisper for years until I forced myself to act like I loved being social and knew what I was doing. People believed me, and I kept doing it until it became natural.[/QUOTE] I've been trying to do what you're suggesting here since I began college but for whatever reason I never seem to get beyond the second step, I'm almost always blown off whenever I offer to hang out with someone. I'm not sure if it's because I'm not asking it right, not asking far enough in advance, or if it's something else entirely. Can you suggest anything for that? Also, I still have the numbers of a few people I met at the beginning of the semester 2 months back but either never talked to again or tried to hangout with once and gave up on it. Could I give another shot at offering to hang out with them, and if so should do anything differently than normal?

[QUOTE=autodesknoob;51261414]so, its been a shitty week overall. First, my grandma died so i had to run to my home city after uni classes, and while i walked through uni, there it was, the sight i wasnt expecting at all. A little backstory abridged: Had a girlfriend, meant the world to me, she dumped me, still in love with her, she started dating a guy couple months ago, i dated a girl for a month (ended it in good terms). Ex says hi to me at uni (we are uni mates), i find that weird, look up her fb and shes no longer with the dude, my hopes get high and bam, i see her kissing her "ex" happy at unis patio. Felt like crap, didnt really thought i would see that after all the "i wanna be alone, things werent working out" speech she said to a friend. Anyway, wasnt planning on winning her back but this kind of shook hit me hard, i guess im still in love with her, after almost 11 months. I still wanna keep dating and such, just for fun, is it too wrong? i think the time i spent with the girl i dated for a month helped me greatly to forget about my ex, and she was in almost the same terms as me, should be cool right? if im honest about my feelings and situation right? to date for fun?[/QUOTE] Really sorry to hear about your grandma. Thoughts with you and your family at this time. I still think I love my ex too so I know how you feel on that, though it hasn't been as long since the split for me compared to you. Fair that you do want to keep dating, however, I'd tread with caution because if you suppress your own emotions to do with this ex, then that'll hurt your feelings more. Not to mention, the person you get withs feelings (unless you make it clear what is going on beforehand and they consent to it).. Personally, I wouldn't. I'd just spend as long as I need alone, build on myself, and take the time I need to process everything before even thinking about dating again. I think it is rather risky - just because you date someone else, won't necessarily get rid of your feelings for your ex - no matter how much you think you've forgotten about them (not speaking from experience, as I haven't dated anyone or done anything since my ex, but just common sense really). If you are, tread carefully, and be 100% faithful, and honest. I personally wouldn't and to be honest, with the sad news regarding your family member recently, that could impact how you feel about dating at the moment as well, so you may be putting yourself in a situation that you don't truly want to be in just because you're grieving, and that your ex has been playing mind games with you. It is important to know where you're truly at with your emotions and be able to act accordingly so things don't get out of control, and so that you don't become unhealthy emotionally/mentally. Even if you cannot express to others, express to yourself, and try to understand yourself. You'll feel a lot better for it. - just my opinion. Good luck! Hope you feel better about the ex soon, she seems to have messed you around a lot and I am sorry to hear that!

[QUOTE=autodesknoob;51261414]so, its been a shitty week overall. First, my grandma died so i had to run to my home city after uni classes, and while i walked through uni, there it was, the sight i wasnt expecting at all. A little backstory abridged: Had a girlfriend, meant the world to me, she dumped me, still in love with her, she started dating a guy couple months ago, i dated a girl for a month (ended it in good terms). Ex says hi to me at uni (we are uni mates), i find that weird, look up her fb and shes no longer with the dude, my hopes get high and bam, i see her kissing her "ex" happy at unis patio. Felt like crap, didnt really thought i would see that after all the "i wanna be alone, things werent working out" speech she said to a friend. Anyway, wasnt planning on winning her back but this kind of shook hit me hard, i guess im still in love with her, after almost 11 months. I still wanna keep dating and such, just for fun, is it too wrong? i think the time i spent with the girl i dated for a month helped me greatly to forget about my ex, and she was in almost the same terms as me, should be cool right? if im honest about my feelings and situation right? to date for fun?[/QUOTE] Absolutely its okay to date for fun. Be clear at every point and you have nothing to be sorry for. Just don't lead people on to believe you're in for something you're not.

Man, good music is an absolute life-saver when you're going through rough times. Sometimes it's the only thing that can get me through. Just keep truckin', y'all.

[QUOTE=racerfan;51261487]I've been trying to do what you're suggesting here since I began college but for whatever reason I never seem to get beyond the second step, I'm almost always blown off whenever I offer to hang out with someone. I'm not sure if it's because I'm not asking it right, not asking far enough in advance, or if it's something else entirely. Can you suggest anything for that? Also, I still have the numbers of a few people I met at the beginning of the semester 2 months back but either never talked to again or tried to hangout with once and gave up on it. Could I give another shot at offering to hang out with them, and if so should do anything differently than normal?[/QUOTE] Hmm, there's a lot of reasons. One thing to remember is it's college so a lot of people are going to be busier and less willing to donate time. Try setting up something as a group maybe, if you have linked acquaintances. Are you in any clubs or anything? Having mutual interests is a huge step.

[QUOTE=OvB;51260134]I assume I'm bothering people. And also friends only tolerate me to be nice. Think I have low self esteem.[/QUOTE] I wouldn't be surprised if some of your friends have a similar concern. I have this fear that I've nothing to offer to people, so I don't bother starting conversations because I assume there is nothing to talk about. Not sure if its low self esteem or the belief that my interests are too niche to interest others, probably a mixture of both. I get round it by discussing topics relevant to the other person but then I feel like a "leech" or something, relying on the other person's topic to carry the conversation. I want to identify what event in my life got me into that mindset and figure out how to get over it.

How do you fight loneliness? Not the "need to find a gf" one, just loneliness in general

[QUOTE=damnatus;51262501]How do you fight loneliness? Not the "need to find a gf" one, just loneliness in general[/QUOTE] Activities and friends

What if all friends who are willing to do stuff are far away for the near future, and every activity I can think of is pretty much solo

[QUOTE=damnatus;51262589]What if all friends who are willing to do stuff are far away for the near future, and every activity I can think of is pretty much solo[/QUOTE] Maybe join a club or "social group" or volunteer for something

[QUOTE=racerfan;51261487]I've been trying to do what you're suggesting here since I began college but for whatever reason I never seem to get beyond the second step, I'm almost always blown off whenever I offer to hang out with someone. I'm not sure if it's because I'm not asking it right, not asking far enough in advance, or if it's something else entirely. Can you suggest anything for that? Also, I still have the numbers of a few people I met at the beginning of the semester 2 months back but either never talked to again or tried to hangout with once and gave up on it. Could I give another shot at offering to hang out with them, and if so should do anything differently than normal?[/QUOTE] do you live on campus? try hanging out in your hall's lounge if there is one. at least for my uni that's where i met a large amount of my really good friends freshman year other than that seriously consider joining some clubs or intramural sports if you're into that. pretty much ever club is completely non-committal in that if you don't want to be in it, you just stop going to meetings. but yeah how are you asking these people and what sort of time frame are you giving them to respond?

My dad just sent a picture of two labrador puppies (they have about 3 or 4 months from what I got) that him and my mom got today. I should be thrilled and happy. [I]However [/I]we already have 2 other dogs, one is old and might go to surgery in a few days because of some potential organ failure. We had agreed as a family a couple days back not to get new dogs and wait until we have just one to get started again. Bottom line is: 1- looks like my opinion doesn't matter in the family, 2 - I should be thrilled, but am in shock. 3 - I don't know what to do or react. 4 - Everything will be alright in the end, it was just so unexpected.

I saw a pic of these two people cuddling and I got a heart attack the second I thought it could be the girl I like then I realised it wasn't her I've never felt this way for anyone before, not even my previous gf fuck :smile:

[QUOTE=RenegadeCop;51265175]I wish i could experience heartbreak and experience getting over love so i can share with you guys how to get over super old exs, but I havent had to deap with that in so long[/QUOTE] then share advice on how to avoid it man, every perspective helps :)

My friend is debating on asking a girl out over text to dinner on Friday and thinks its a bad idea since he'll be seeing her tomorrow, but I think it'd be better with more advanced notice. What do you guys think?

ask in person

Hope it's ok to vent this here. In Mars this year the company i used to work at emerged within another company so we all became one and in July we got a notice me and 13 other co-workers ( everyone from the old company) are getting relieved because "Labor shortages" so our final day at work would be end of September. So my old boss said he would continue on after September but we need more work if we all going to stay. So he sent me and 2 others to a nearby city to build to work on a test project and if company who ordered it was satisfied then we would have work for another year. My boss promised that everyone would stay if we got this and i worked my ass off so we would get this and continue on. So 4 days before September ends we got news that we got the huge project and i got a call from my boss asking for a meeting and i thought he wanted to discuss the plans and salary but no. He told me that i wouldn't continue on because he did not need that money people but he told me if we need help, you will be the first one i call. Anyway, i managed to get a call for an interview a couple of weeks ago on a Friday and i went. Everything goes fine and they tell me " We want you and you can start on monday but let me call you later today so i can tell you where you need to be" and i told him fine and went home after. I was so happy because good salary and my own car. I never got a call later that day so i waited till monday and got nothing. I tried to call him on Tuesday to see whats going on but he never responded. Note that i never signed any contract because i understood that i would be doing that on monday when i start. So later that week i found out my old boss called another guy in instead of me which made me very frustrated because he broke his promise to me twice now and that another company tells me to begin working for them then nothing happens made it even worse. Not sure what to do anymore, Studying is out of the question atm because it's too late to apply for anything. People ask me how's work and i would lie telling them it's going great because i feel ashamed for some reason.

I was driving my mum to work this morning and she just casually drops into conversation that my grandad most likely has cancer. What a great start to my day.

[QUOTE=dcalde78;51267314]I was driving my mum to work this morning and she just casually drops into conversation that my grandad most likely has cancer. What a great start to my day.[/QUOTE] I know the feeling. On the ride back from bootcamp, my Mom, within an hour of me being back to the real world and trying to feel good for the first time in months, dropped on me that my cat died, she had given my 1,500 dollars in saving to my uncle, and that my uncle had killed himself and the money was gone.

Anybody know a therapy against infatuation? I'm too scared of rejection, I'd rather not feel like shit all the time thanks to love

[QUOTE=SebiWarrior;51268196]Anybody know a therapy against infatuation? I'm too scared of rejection, I'd rather not feel like shit all the time thanks to love[/QUOTE] Fear of rejection comes from the belief that you are not good enough. Address that by identifying what you dislike and either accepting it or changing it. You're allowed to have issues but its not good for you if you fight it and keep wishing things we're different, especially if you have no agency to make that change. Infatuation comes from unrealistic perceptions of people. The subject of your infatuation is probably riddled with flaws which you either refuse to see or look over as quirks. Like movie stars, we see them and think they so cool but they're human and trying to live up to those imaginary standards would be very hard.