Super Friendly Social and Love Advice v8 - Stop spamming her with texts. - General

[QUOTE=snookypookums;51925825]That's good, just be a little careful of your emotions when you decide to still be friends. While you're not particularly in love with her, watching someone you were in a relationship with move on can be one of the most heart-wrenchingly painful things you can go through. It's what I'm going through right now, and I'm not even friends with the ex.[/QUOTE] this is very true it's usually a difficult time. If you managed to stay friends that's good because not many couples can manage that after a breakup

I got a little bit jealous of the bloke my last girlfriend started seeing after we split up, she's fucken hot so what can you do. it just didn't work between us, and she's ultimately so much happier with that guy than me, and I wasn't exactly a cunt to her. it's worked out well for her and I'm happy that's she's managed to find someone like that. at the moment I have plans to go and see Taxi Driver next week with a girl I've been chatting to but I've not heard from her in a few days. hopefully I'm not going to experience ghosting again because that shit is bollocks

I can't make any friends at college but I just made a new girl friend back home. She posted her snapchat name on her insta story and I added her then one day she replied to one of my snap stories and we started talking and now we plan to hang out next week over my spring break!! We were talking and she texted me like "I was gonna ask you to get chinese food w me but forgot you're at college" so I know she's interesting in hanging out. Gotta love girls that take the initiative and ask you first to do stuff. I wish it was that easy to make friends here at college, though.

I'm just going to ask her tomorrow if she wants to talk sometime after our program during lunch. Even if I get a little nervous which I probably won't because she's really chill I'll ask anyway. I only see her once a week so I figure just ask now instead of keep waiting

Texted my best friend from high school asking what he was up to. Hetold that he went to a store with two of my other friends. No one bothered to ask me if I wanted to go. I texted both friends separately about possibly getting a ride to meet up. No responses. And people wonder why I'm antisocial.

Need a bit of advice here. There's this lass I keep bumping into in the local pub. We say hey every time we see eachother and a few weeks ago I sent her a message asking if she'd like to grab a coffee. She said yes. And then we had said convo: [t]https://my.mixtape.moe/mimbsh.PNG[/t] Hasn't seen the last message since. Guessing this is a dead date then?

[QUOTE=Mr. Sarcastic;51928939] This is why I'm hesitant about making friends, because they always seem to avoid me.[/QUOTE] Sometimes, introverted people are seen as avoidant, and thus we aren't counted upon, because we do not show overt interest. Do not blame malice for what may be a mere misunderstanding.

[video=youtube;0Tk82hEHNnY]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0Tk82hEHNnY[/video] This video is somewhat relevant for this thread. It really helped me to change my perspective on a lot of this stuff.

I'm disappointed in myself. I didn't ask if she wanted to talk sometime after program because I don't know if it's to early for that since we really just met a week ago. I shouldn't feel anxiety thinking about asking her because I think she would want to talk. She's even said in group she wants to socialize more. Should I just wait or just ask already

Knew this girl for awhile. Never really noticed her until last Wednesday I saw her and was like "whoah!". Talked to her for awhile, she seemed very nice and kind of into me maybe? She has a boyfriend though. I was gonna ask her on a date, my mom has tickets for a magic show in town, it'd be me and her and my mom and sister, it wouldn't be any pressure. Is this okay?

[QUOTE=dannyketch;51932548]Knew this girl for awhile. Never really noticed her until last Wednesday I saw her and was like "whoah!". Talked to her for awhile, she seemed very nice and kind of into me maybe? She has a boyfriend though. I was gonna ask her on a date, my mom has tickets for a magic show in town, it'd be me and her and my mom and sister, it wouldn't be any pressure. Is this okay?[/QUOTE] No. a) She has a boyfriend - you'll only feel worse when you see her with him. b) You have the family with you - how lame is that for a date? Only exception is if you think that she'd be willing to leave her current BF but that's hard to tell.

yeah don't ask her on a date when she has a boyfriend dude

[QUOTE=dannyketch;51932548]Knew this girl for awhile. Never really noticed her until last Wednesday I saw her and was like "whoah!". Talked to her for awhile, she seemed very nice and kind of into me maybe? She has a boyfriend though. I was gonna ask her on a date, my mom has tickets for a magic show in town, it'd be me and her and my mom and sister, it wouldn't be any pressure. Is this okay?[/QUOTE] what the fuck man, no its not

[QUOTE=austin0331;51933438]what the fuck man, no its not[/QUOTE] don't be so hard on him.. The key is to distance yourself just enough, but keep being her "friend". If she breaks it off with the boyfriend you can start being more flirty and ask her out etc.. Maybe don't take my advice cause I haven't dated since 2013.

[QUOTE=Kel|oggs;51933771]don't be so hard on him.. The key is to distance yourself just enough, but keep being her "friend". If she breaks it off with the boyfriend you can start being more flirty and ask her out etc.. Maybe don't take my advice cause I haven't dated since 2013.[/QUOTE] The key is to accept that you have feelings for someone who is unavailable and you should move on from those feelings as soon as possible

Do not ask people out when they are already dating someone else. Nor should you continue to be their friend under the expectation that you will somehow win their heart away from their significant other. Not only is it incredibly disrespectful, it's also manipulative and really fucking annoying. You look like a giant shitheel if you're found out and chances are, you lose whatever credibility you have in this girl's eyes. Not worth it. Don't do it. 100% no. If you want to be her friend then be her friend because of that reason alone. Don't do it because you're hoping that she'll dump her boyfriend and get with you.

[QUOTE=Kel|oggs;51933771]don't be so hard on him.. The key is to distance yourself just enough, but keep being her "friend". If she breaks it off with the boyfriend you can start being more flirty and ask her out etc.. Maybe don't take my advice cause I haven't dated since 2013.[/QUOTE] I guess I might've been harsh, but he acknowledges she has a boyfriend, and he's only talked to her for a week. Kinda disrespectful to the boyfriend, is it not? And her too, thinking that you'll be able to manipulate her. Big dick move imo. Don't confuse being friendly with "being into you". Of course you can be friends with her and all that, but keep it as a platonic friendship not expecting to go anywhere or else you'll just disappoint yourself. Guys can be friends with girls. If it hurts you to know that you won't get a chance with her, then stop now. Don't stay friends in the vain hope that some day she might be single again.

i learned a very valuable life lesson: the only way to change a manipulative person is to change yourself. i was so fucking blind and wanted that one friend that cared about me like i wanted to care about them. right when i felt like i had that good friend, theyd 180 me and switched up. i thought i could change them. I thought that apologizing to them and sucking up to them and confiding to them my struggles would make them treat me better but all they did was use my struggles and emotions against me. i should have known that the friend who talks a lot of shit about other people to me will also talk about me behind my back. i give people the benefit of the doubt and that is probably my biggest weakness. i wanted to trap myself in a glass box and wallow in my insecurities because i was too scared to face them and learn from them. they wanted me to loathe life just as much as they did and would not stop until it happened. i put other people's problems at the same level or even over my own and never spoke my mind. i also guess that i wanted to desperately be liked by everybody, but i now know that it will never happen. not in a bleak or cynical outlook in the sense, but in more of just how things are. i also just lacked a strong sense of pride too. so my plan out of this friendship was simple: I changed myself. i speaked my own mind, i stood up for what i believed in, expressed my worries, called them out on shit that got me mad (a lot of shit) rather than bottling it inside, and took dominance over my decisions, and most of all started rebuilding my pride (the good kind). this is a good thing to know: as soon as they start to lose emotional dominance and control over you, they get mad. they get irrationally mad when you act within your best interests and not theirs. this friend made me doubt my motives to the point where it made me question myself. i put effort into changing myself at the start of 2017 up to now, and it started actually working. the manipulative person will fade from you because you arent allowing yourself to get controlled by them. turns out it is really easy to deflect pettiness too. manipulation only works when 2 people are trying to get something out of the friendship, so i just decided to stop caring too. by then i knew how much of a shit person they were so it only helped aide in my freshly applied indifference at the time. when you have nothing to gain from the friendship they cant control you. when i was trapped in the manipulative loop, the threat was theyd stop talking to me or threaten to not be my friend or not hang out with me. i realized that acting with indifference is the best way to deflect this. a good friend would never emotionally threaten you for small shit like that im at the point now where im starting to actively fade away from them and it feels good. I also have noticed that when you see the bigger picture you realize just how much of a shitty person they are. the best way to explain it is you being brainwashed to like someone but once you break out all you see is who they really are. my "best" friend is a snake. an insecure, unconfident, low self-esteem, perpetually anxious, low pride, and defensive snake that has a shit outlook the world and is unhappy with their life, acts out of anxiety and insecurity, and most of all, will never change. I have other wayyy better friends right now, so i dont care if i lost my "best" friend. i feel like i am gaining my confidence, security and pride back now. the best part is i dont really give a shit if i wasted 4 years in a shitty friendship, because you learn from mistakes, and this friendship was definitely a mistake. I also learned to treat every bad day as a lesson, rather than just a bad day

[QUOTE=Eriorguez;51930623]Sometimes, introverted people are seen as avoidant, and thus we aren't counted upon, because we do not show overt interest. Do not blame malice for what may be a mere misunderstanding.[/QUOTE] god this i'm a shy introvert and it's a fucking curse. I suck at messaging people first so it always seems like I don't show any interest [editline]9th March 2017[/editline] doesnt help that when a girl I like messages me I go full tier autist and suck at giving responses

I wish I was less introverted but I try to conversate with people

a girl at work I've been chatting with a ton asked me if I had a girlfriend (no) and then asked me why not. did I just get gay tested? she was apologetic about the questions afterwards but I told her not to sweat it. it's a weird thing to be asked (right?) but we're kind of getting to know each other in terms of data and not just talking about shit that isn't about ourselves, so it fits the theme I guess.

This is a touchy subject for me because I cannot for the life of me actively achieve any kind of relationship with anyone, I must passively take anything I get from chance basically I am trying to make so many friends and possibly looking for some small relationship with some girl but I feel like I am completely powerless

I'm introverted unless I'm with established friends I'm comfortable around. Or drunk. Everyone is my bff when I'm drunk.

I need to work on socializing more and feeling comfortable. I'm able to socialize with that girl but when it comes to asking her questions I'm hesitant. I enjoy talking to her and I'd really like to get to know her more. We just have a lot in common and I want to be her friend outside of our mental health program. I don't know what to say though

On the other side of the coin: talking with a shy person who doesn't give you anything to work with fucking blows. It's like I'm just taking to myself.

[QUOTE=Pascall;51933863]Do not ask people out when they are already dating someone else. Nor should you continue to be their friend under the expectation that you will somehow win their heart away from their significant other. Not only is it incredibly disrespectful, it's also manipulative and really fucking annoying. You look like a giant shitheel if you're found out and chances are, you lose whatever credibility you have in this girl's eyes. Not worth it. Don't do it. 100% no. If you want to be her friend then be her friend because of that reason alone. Don't do it because you're hoping that she'll dump her boyfriend and get with you.[/QUOTE] And, on top of that, the "what if?" mindset will make you pass chances with other people and you'll try to justify them, but, at the end, it just doesn't add up. I know I did. Twice. Both times with people I had better chemisty with than with the one I was crushing into, and both times with people who were actively looking to make out with somebody. Just remember, if you care for somebody as a person, you don't want to see their relationships crumble so you may have a chance. The part of you that may want that is not the one focused on interpersonal relationships, after all, but rather the reproductive drive. Also, the friendzone doesn't exist, and friendship is not a consolation price. A friend is a friend, and you can care about a person you may find attractive without working to have a romantic relationship.

[QUOTE=Eriorguez;51935837] Just remember, if you care for somebody as a person, you don't want to see their relationships crumble so you may have a chance. The part of you that may want that is not the one focused on interpersonal relationships, after all, but rather the reproductive drive. A friend is a friend, and you can care about a person you may find attractive without working to have a romantic relationship.[/QUOTE] This. I'm still trying to get over a crush on a friend of mine who has a boyfriend. Everything I see reminds me of her, but i see that he loves her dearly. Although I've grown rather fond of her lately, it's not my place to get between these two friends of mine.

[QUOTE=danjee;51934353]a girl at work I've been chatting with a ton asked me if I had a girlfriend (no) and then asked me why not. did I just get gay tested? she was apologetic about the questions afterwards but I told her not to sweat it. it's a weird thing to be asked (right?) but we're kind of getting to know each other in terms of data and not just talking about shit that isn't about ourselves, so it fits the theme I guess.[/QUOTE] More likely she has a crush on you than a 'gay test'. Whenever women ask me if I have a girlfriend it's usually to know if I'm available.

I gay test people all the time. I ask them whether or not they like broadway musicals.

[QUOTE=plunger435;51936008]More likely she has a crush on you than a 'gay test'. Whenever women ask me if I have a girlfriend it's usually to know if I'm available.[/QUOTE] All signs point to it being your standard roundabout "Can I be any more subtle?" approach to finding out if you're available with healthy doses of plausible deniability on her part.I would also like to illustrate some of the other possibility that she is trying to hook you up with a friend of hers and is sounding you out. You'd look a right tit if you misunderstood this and then realized she was just trying to be nice, but isn't as interested. It also fits her reaction afterwards (not quite embarassment, but worried if she was being too personal by asking while she was playing Cupid). Proceed with caution and optimism. :)