Super Friendly Social and Love Advice v8 - Stop spamming her with texts. - General

[QUOTE=Eriorguez;51935837]Just remember, if you care for somebody as a person, you don't want to see their relationships crumble so you may have a chance. The part of you that may want that is not the one focused on interpersonal relationships, after all, but rather the reproductive drive.[/QUOTE] I'm in an extreme case of this right now and it's driving me crazy. The girl I was crushing on was always the "benchmark" for a person I should try to find someone like. She became increasingly flirty with me, then after my friends and her went to a movie she told me in the car while I was driving her home that she was interested in me. At the time she was dating someone in an LDR, and she said she just didn't know what to do. She broke up with her bf a week later, and I was the guy she came to when she got all emotional. We hung out a lot, made out a few times, and I was naive enough to believe that these feelings she was having would stay. But it became clear that she was very torn between me and her ex, as she still had feelings for him. She told me that she wanted to be single for a while, but that she wasn't going to go looking for anyone else. Before she broke up with her bf, they had tickets to a concert that I was going to as well. We all went as a group to it last weekend, and it drove me crazy seeing how they still looked like a couple. So now I'm in some form of limbo. She's gone back to how things were before, with us being just friends and not doing much, and I'm here trying to figure out if she's still interested with me or if she's just going to go back to her ex. Occasionally she'll get close with me and we'll be all flirty, but then other times she just acts like nothing's different. It's driving me crazy and I'm trying to just go with the flow, but that's hard to do after the person you were crushing on suddenly has feelings for you, then proceeds to do a 180 after you two were getting real close. I'd love some advice on this situation. At the end of the day I don't want to try and go after someone who's not interested in me, but at the same time it's hard to just drop someone who you were crushing on for a few months.

[QUOTE=papkee;51936067]I'm in an extreme case of this right now and it's driving me crazy. The girl I was crushing on was always the "benchmark" for a person I should try to find someone like. She became increasingly flirty with me, then after my friends and her went to a movie she told me in the car while I was driving her home that she was interested in me. At the time she was dating someone in an LDR, and she said she just didn't know what to do. She broke up with her bf a week later, and I was the guy she came to when she got all emotional. We hung out a lot, made out a few times, and I was naive enough to believe that these feelings she was having would stay. But it became clear that she was very torn between me and her ex, as she still had feelings for him. She told me that she wanted to be single for a while, but that she wasn't going to go looking for anyone else. Before she broke up with her bf, they had tickets to a concert that I was going to as well. We all went as a group to it last weekend, and it drove me crazy seeing how they still looked like a couple. So now I'm in some form of limbo. She's gone back to how things were before, with us being just friends and not doing much, and I'm here trying to figure out if she's still interested with me or if she's just going to go back to her ex. It's driving me crazy and I'm trying to just go with the flow, but that's hard to do after the person you were crushing on suddenly has feelings for you, then proceeds to do a 180 after you two were getting real close. I'd love some advice on this situation. At the end of the day I don't want to try and go after someone who's not interested in me, but at the same time it's hard to just drop someone who you were crushing on for a few months.[/QUOTE] I was in your situation. In fact, that's exactly what happened with me and my most recent ex. Cut her out, do it now while you can afford to do so and have a strong emotional support group (your other friends). If you allow this to fester, you're not going to be a good friend to her, you're going to take it out subconsciously on your friends and they're going to ditch your butt. Like I've said to someone else - [B]you deserve someone who makes you a priority in their lives, not an option[/B]. You were clearly one for her, and you shouldn't allow her to be a priority in yours and ruin your relationships with ones who [I]should[/I] be.

My ex girlfriend had feelings for her ex the whole time we dated and I didn't even know until the end. It's better you just leave her

How do I let some down lightly without being an arse? I've been on like 3~4 dates with this person and have sorta come to the conclusion that it's not something I really want to move forward with ( because it's been a little bit too fast and also just not really feeling it - don't necessarily want to go into or start thinking about a relationship if I'm not 100% gunning for it to begin with ); and don't know how to bring it up to them and talk about it without being a dick about. Obviously I'm not intentionally going into thinking I'm going to be an arsehole, but you know there's usually something that's phrased oddly that gets taken the wrong way, etc.

[QUOTE=snookypookums;51936059]All signs point to it being your standard roundabout "Can I be any more subtle?" approach to finding out if you're available with healthy doses of plausible deniability on her part.I would also like to illustrate some of the other possibility that she is trying to hook you up with a friend of hers and is sounding you out. You'd look a right tit if you misunderstood this and then realized she was just trying to be nice, but isn't as interested. It also fits her reaction afterwards (not quite embarassment, but worried if she was being too personal by asking while she was playing Cupid). Proceed with caution and optimism. :)[/QUOTE] I don't think she has friends here because she's new to the area, and didn't mention anything about friends when we were talking about what we do outside of work. proceed I shall.

[QUOTE=Mr. Sarcastic;51935993]This. I'm still trying to get over a crush on a friend of mine who has a boyfriend. Everything I see reminds me of her, but i see that he loves her dearly. Although I've grown rather fond of her lately, it's not my place to get between these two friends of mine.[/QUOTE] Can feel ya, went through that last year, and sometimes my limbic system decides to dwell on outdated information. Good to feel when I do reality checks that what I ended up with was a pair of friends. I also cannot be anything but supportive of a relationship where the involved parties were friends to begin with and remained so.

Update on above, she's flipped that we've not spoken for 48 hours, weirding me out big time

[QUOTE=Instant Mix;51936617]Update on above, she's flipped that we've not spoken for 48 hours, weirding me out big time[/QUOTE] id just be honest if i were you and tell her what shes doing wrong and how thats making you feel. dont sugarcoat anything and be straightforward, without sounding dickish of course

[QUOTE=snookypookums;51936088]I was in your situation. In fact, that's exactly what happened with me and my most recent ex. Cut her out, do it now while you can afford to do so and have a strong emotional support group (your other friends). If you allow this to fester, you're not going to be a good friend to her, you're going to take it out subconsciously on your friends and they're going to ditch your butt. Like I've said to someone else - [B]you deserve someone who makes you a priority in their lives, not an option[/B]. You were clearly one for her, and you shouldn't allow her to be a priority in yours and ruin your relationships with ones who [I]should[/I] be.[/QUOTE] So two things, and thanks for the response btw: 1) Recent development today: I was planning on pretty much ending any more-than-friends behavior like you suggested, and I brought it up to a mutual friend of ours who pretty much told me that no, she's not interested in a relationship with her ex at all and that I was probably misinterpreting things (something I'm very good at). 2) I don't want to cut her out completely, because she is an awesome friend and whenever we hang out we have a good time, regardless of whether or not we're being flirty. So I think I need to do exactly what I was doing before things went down, which is be a good friend, and let her decide if she's ready to try a relationship with me.

how terrible of an idea is dating my ex's boyfriend's ex?

[QUOTE=Bert the Turtle;51936928]how terrible of an idea is dating my ex's boyfriend's ex?[/QUOTE] very

"Ex's boyfriend's ex" sounds pretty removed. Does your ex even know the person? I don't see a problem with it.

[QUOTE=Guy Mannly;51938192]"Ex's boyfriend's ex" sounds pretty removed. Does your ex even know the person? I don't see a problem with it.[/QUOTE] yeah my ex does know who she is but I don't see a problem either. to me it's just a funny connection we have and it seems pretty harmless. suppose I just wanted to know what you all thought about it

So I've been thinking about reaching out one girl I haven't talked in like 4 years or so. I used to be heartbroken to see that she was in a relationship with someone else. But now after so much time away from her I feel like I got over that fact. She really means a lot to me and I owe a lot of things to her. The thought of her helped me make trough a lot of difficult times in my life. I really want to see her again but I also have that immense fear too. Like what if she's not the same person I met all these years ago anymore? Like is only a memory now? I really want to be friends with her again. Even if we only talk like 2 times a month or something like that. I honestly hope she's doing all right. Last I heard of her she was still with her boyfriend and kept asking me some cryptic questions about betrayal and relationships and mentioning her BF. I hope everything's good with her.

So how do you guys feel about seeking a relationship with someone? I had a conversation with a friend yesterday who said you should just wait for it to happen because if you actively look for one you won't find any, which can be true, but I don't feel it's 100% right

[QUOTE=SebiWarrior;51938771]So how do you guys feel about seeking a relationship with someone? I had a conversation with a friend yesterday who said you should just wait for it to happen because if you actively look for one you won't find any, which can be true, but I don't feel it's 100% right[/QUOTE] You do your thing, don't be a thirsty motherfucker, but if you like the girl and think she likes you back and has gone out of her way to hang out with you, you ask her out and get that relationship going or know where it's heading.

Crosspost from the depression thread [QUOTE=windows098;51933429]There's a girl in my college class I really like. She's geeky and adorable but I doubt anyone would ever like me. I mean, I don't even like myself so that doesn't help too much. I mean I can't even talk without getting really paranoid that I'm going to fuck it up so I just bail as soon as possible.[/QUOTE] You guys have any tips?

Try not to think about it too much and Just walk over to her and try and start a conversation. It's what I did and now I don't really feel anxious around her. I still got to ask her if she wants to talk outside of our program though.

[QUOTE=windows098;51939324]Crosspost from the depression thread You guys have any tips?[/QUOTE] By not approaching, you've already lost. Like, 100% failure. As opposed to actually swinging for the bleachers and seeing what happens? Let's be clear about this - [B]You don't get to decide whether you are deserving of love or affection by other people[/B]. That is out of your hands and never was in your control. What [I]is[/I] in your control is how you present yourself to others, your actions and behavior. This is one girl, out of the hundreds you're likely to meet during your life on this dirtball. If you swing and you miss, so what? You move to the next and you try again. But atleast you try, man.

Today is my birthday and I feel like shit. Woke up feeling like I'm coming down with a fever, turn on facebook and all my friends in this city except 4 cancels on my party that I was going to have today. I cancel the event and walk outside my room, my neighbor who I still have feelings for is there, getting ready for a date or something although she said she couldn't come to my party because she was going to study all day. Trying to remain positive but it's pretty hard.

[QUOTE=snookypookums;51939799]By not approaching, you've already lost. Like, 100% failure. As opposed to actually swinging for the bleachers and seeing what happens? Let's be clear about this - [B]You don't get to decide whether you are deserving of love or affection by other people[/B]. That is out of your hands and never was in your control. What [I]is[/I] in your control is how you present yourself to others, your actions and behavior. This is one girl, out of the hundreds you're likely to meet during your life on this dirtball. If you swing and you miss, so what? You move to the next and you try again. But atleast you try, man.[/QUOTE] Well sure nothing says you are deserving to get her love but this is such an arbitrary thing that it does not matter how you behave around her, she has all the power and if she's not interested from the start she never will be

So is it a deal-breaker if I find out she watches Markiplier

[QUOTE=Zombinie;51940222]So is it a deal-breaker if I find out she watches Markiplier[/QUOTE] No.

[QUOTE=maeZtro;51939898]Today is my birthday and I feel like shit. Woke up feeling like I'm coming down with a fever, turn on facebook and all my friends in this city except 4 cancels on my party that I was going to have today. I cancel the event and walk outside my room, my neighbor who I still have feelings for is there, getting ready for a date or something although she said she couldn't come to my party because she was going to study all day. Trying to remain positive but it's pretty hard.[/QUOTE] I can relate. My birthday was a couple weeks ago and I was supposed to get drinks with three friends from my class. One of them was sick and couldn't make it. I had asked my (former) second-best friend to contact the third person (let's call them Alex) for me because we didn't have each other's numbers. So when I texted my close friend that evening, he told me Alex had said they couldn't make it and that he had gotten called into work (which is his go-to lie for when he doesn't want to do things). I called him out on his lie and he got really defensive and angry about it. Since Alex and I are in the same damn class, it was easy enough for us to compare our texts from my formerly close friend. Turns out he never even gave Alex my contact info. Neither of us have spoken to him since and Alex and I have started spending more time together, so something good came of it. It really fucking sucks having people bail on you like that but sometimes it can be a good reminder of which people in your life are worth your time - it reminds you not to take some of your friends for granted. I've known Alex for a year and a half and we've never really gotten to know each other until this past week. Meanwhile, I've spent the past year and a half hanging out with an asshole who constantly lies to get out of plans. [editline]10th March 2017[/editline] And for what it's worth, happy birthday. I hope it gets better.

So 2 days ago I went to the mall and forced myself out of my comfort zone and I struck up a conversation with a random girl and we ended up getting food together and talking for like an hour. At the end she asked if I wanted to go shopping with her but I had to decline because it was already pretty late and I had a couple tests the next day, but she said she was down to hang out again. I got her phone number and her instagram. Yesterday I texted her asking if she wanted to do something tonight before I leave (I go home for spring break tomorrow) and she never responded. I texted her again today and still no response. I'm not gonna text a third time, but what could be the reason for her ignoring me now? We got along so good so I don't see a reason why she wouldn't respond. I was so happy to finally have someone to hang out with - I broke out of my comfort zone and it WORKED!! but now I'm not so happy anymore because I'm wondering if I'll never even see her again. any advice???

You mean on purpose or by accident? I don't see why she'd give me one correct contact (insta) and one wrong one (number).

So last week has been crazy to say least. I was put into hospital after 4 dudes hit and ran me, once I nearly recovered - hospital fucked up my meds and I had nightmaress in which I had to jump off balcony to escape bad guys, on reality nobody noticer me gone and I jumped so now I am landed in hospital with multiple spinal fractures...

[QUOTE=snookypookums;51939799]By not approaching, you've already lost. Like, 100% failure. As opposed to actually swinging for the bleachers and seeing what happens? Let's be clear about this - [B]You don't get to decide whether you are deserving of love or affection by other people[/B]. That is out of your hands and never was in your control. What [I]is[/I] in your control is how you present yourself to others, your actions and behavior. This is one girl, out of the hundreds you're likely to meet during your life on this dirtball. If you swing and you miss, so what? You move to the next and you try again. But atleast you try, man.[/QUOTE]I'll never understand how people are so cool with this. If we're talking about a stranger that you'll likely never see again I can understand it, but if it's someone you know/are regularly in contact with and you fuck up that's gonna stay with you forever. It's why I've never even bothered.

[QUOTE=arleitiss;51941081]So last week has been crazy to say least. I was put into hospital after 4 dudes hit and ran me, once I nearly recovered - hospital fucked up my meds and I had nightmaress in which I had to jump off balcony to escape bad guys, on reality nobody noticer me gone and I jumped so now I am landed in hospital with multiple spinal fractures...[/QUOTE] Wait, you actually jumped off a balcony? I'm having a little trouble understanding this.

[QUOTE=stotd;51941162]Wait, you actually jumped off a balcony? I'm having a little trouble understanding this.[/QUOTE] Yes