Super Friendly Social and Love Advice v8 - Stop spamming her with texts. - General

[QUOTE=RenegadeCop;51940971]I would assume by accident. Have you contacted her on Instagram?[/QUOTE] I got a friend to "accidentally" call the number she gave me, and she answered so my friend just said "sorry wrong number." so now I know it's the right number and that she's by her phone. What could be with the sudden 180 on me like this? We got along so good and she even invited me to keep hanging out with her. I don't understand.

[QUOTE=Blazyd;51941383]I got a friend to "accidentally" call the number she gave me, and she answered so my friend just said "sorry wrong number." so now I know it's the right number and that she's by her phone. What could be with the sudden 180 on me like this? We got along so good and she even invited me to keep hanging out with her. I don't understand.[/QUOTE] if the situation is what I think it is, then I'd back out and never talk to her again

[QUOTE=Flubbman;51941086]I'll never understand how people are so cool with this. If we're talking about a stranger that you'll likely never see again I can understand it, but if it's someone you know/are regularly in contact with and you fuck up that's gonna stay with you forever. It's why I've never even bothered.[/QUOTE] The main reason is that it'll only look like a fuck-up on your end, because you have more invested in the interaction than the other person. As long as you're not approaching a relative stranger and going "Do you want to be my girlfriend?" or something way over the top, there's very little harm in trying to get to know someone. Think about it from the perspective of getting to know a new guy friend. If someone seems interesting, you talk to him more, find out what he's interested in, see if he's free to hang out one day. You do the same thing with girls you're interested in. Just get to know them like a friend first, and after spending some time together, THEN you can worry about having that conversation of "Is this going to be something more?"

[QUOTE=Loofiloo;51941412]The main reason is that it'll only look like a fuck-up on your end, because you have more invested in the interaction than the other person. As long as you're not approaching a relative stranger and going "Do you want to be my girlfriend?" or something way over the top, there's very little harm in trying to get to know someone. Think about it from the perspective of getting to know a new guy friend. If someone seems interesting, you talk to him more, find out what he's interested in, see if he's free to hang out one day. You do the same thing with girls you're interested in. Just get to know them like a friend first, and after spending some time together, THEN you can worry about having that conversation of "Is this going to be something more?"[/QUOTE] While that's true, sometimes you shouldn't just wait to establish a friendship before making a move, by that point if the other person sees you as just a friend it's over

In my own personal news, I'm supposed to go on my first actual Tinder date tonight. Weirdly the only thing I'm nervous about is what if she turns out to look nothing like her pictures? Or what if I meet her and she turns out to just be NOTHING I'm interested in? My biggest worry is having to turn someone down. But I guess that's the whole point of dates like this, to get to know the person. I'm not worried about being awkward myself, or having nothing to talk about or whatever. Not even really worried about her deciding she has no interest in ME. If that happens, good thing I haven't spent long getting to know her. And we're going to what is possibly my favorite restaurant in the city, so I know I'll get a good meal tonight if nothing else goes right.

[QUOTE=Loofiloo;51941438]In my own personal news, I'm supposed to go on my first actual Tinder date tonight. Weirdly the only thing I'm nervous about is what if she turns out to look nothing like her pictures? Or what if I meet her and she turns out to just be NOTHING I'm interested in? My biggest worry is having to turn someone down. But I guess that's the whole point of dates like this, to get to know the person. I'm not worried about being awkward myself, or having nothing to talk about or whatever. Not even really worried about her deciding she has no interest in ME. If that happens, good thing I haven't spent long getting to know her. And we're going to what is possibly my favorite restaurant in the city, so I know I'll get a good meal tonight if nothing else goes right.[/QUOTE] tell us how it goes

[QUOTE=SebiWarrior;51941420]While that's true, sometimes you shouldn't just wait to establish a friendship before making a move, by that point if the other person sees you as just a friend it's over[/QUOTE] I really don't think there's any truth to this. Somebody's either interested in you or they're not, and if their interest fades over the course of a friendship, it would have faded just the same over the course of a relationship. If you ask them out earlier, then maybe they'll take a gamble and go on a handful of dates with you, but that's still a method of getting to know you, just the same as being friends. The only difference is that on one hand they'll say "I think we should break up/stop dating" instead of "I'd rather not take things further." I've felt in the past like, when somebody tells me they just want to be friends, that they didn't even give me a CHANCE, when in reality, the whole course of their friendship with me (short or long) WAS giving me a chance, and going on dates with them early on would not have made them feel any different about me as a dating prospect.

[QUOTE=sourcegamer101;51941401]if the situation is what I think it is, then I'd back out and never talk to her again[/QUOTE] what does that mean? what do you think it is?

False alarm, I think I got things under control.

So my friend invited me to dinner last night. Afterwards we met up with my other friend and saw the King Kong movie. In other news, I'm still reminded of that girl too often. Like today, the song "More Than a Feeling" came on the radio and it reminded me of when my friend, her boyfriend, her and I all started singing the words to that song after somebody said the words "turned on some music to start my day". Why can't I just move on?

[QUOTE=RenegadeCop;51941935]It sounds like she decided she wasn't very interested, as painful as that may be to hear.[/QUOTE] In that case I can't really be sad. I can argue that whole interaction with her was a success for me because I pushed myself to interact with a complete stranger and it actually worked (for the night, at least). Even though it's painful to be ignored now, it added experience so I won't be so nervous next time I try the same thing with someone else. I just gotta think of it like that.

[QUOTE=Blazyd;51942393]In that case I can't really be sad. I can argue that whole interaction with her was a success for me because I pushed myself to interact with a complete stranger and it actually worked (for the night, at least). Even though it's painful to be ignored now, it added experience so I won't be so nervous next time I try the same thing with someone else. I just gotta think of it like that.[/QUOTE] Pretty much, I mean shit happens. At least you got out of your comfort zone and the conversation went well. With the exception of maybe becoming friends with a stranger it really couldn't have gone any better.

[QUOTE=Blazyd;51942393]In that case I can't really be sad. I can argue that whole interaction with her was a success for me because I pushed myself to interact with a complete stranger and it actually worked (for the night, at least). Even though it's painful to be ignored now, it added experience so I won't be so nervous next time I try the same thing with someone else. I just gotta think of it like that.[/QUOTE] What? It's been two days, man. Give this shit time - you've dropped two messages already, the ball is in her court. Move on and do other stuff and see what that line catches later. Good for you,though - putting yourself out there to be vulnerable isn't ever easy. But don't expect immediate results. She could be mulling it over as well or has other shit in her life to deal with that she didn't mention during her conversation with you. Good things take time.

We both have social anxiety so I feel comfortable talking to her. It's nice we both have a lot of similar issues. All I want is more time to talk with her. I know what kind of questions to ask now from advice given by my therapist. She's going to help me out with her so I'm feeling confident everything's going to work out

[QUOTE=Blazyd;51942393]In that case I can't really be sad. I can argue that whole interaction with her was a success for me because I pushed myself to interact with a complete stranger and it actually worked (for the night, at least). Even though it's painful to be ignored now, it added experience so I won't be so nervous next time I try the same thing with someone else. I just gotta think of it like that.[/QUOTE] dont let yourself be in a down mood by someone who is wishy-washy like that. it was their fault in this situation. the best move you can make is to never have relationships with these kinds of people, because when you cultivate a relationship with a person who ghosts, you never know when they might leave. once a snake, always a snake

[QUOTE=snookypookums;51939031]You do your thing, don't be a thirsty motherfucker, but if you like the girl and think she likes you back and has gone out of her way to hang out with you, you ask her out and get that relationship going or know where it's heading.[/QUOTE] lol what do you do if you don't care whether you're in a relationship or not but it'd be nice if you were but the friendship is so nice that you don't want to fuck things up by asking. i think i just came to a conclusion after typing that out and that decision is just keep it business as usual.

[QUOTE=RenegadeCop;51942712]Just because someone isn't interested, doesn't make them a "snake." That's a toxic mentality and will only grow negativity in your attitude.[/QUOTE] i respect your opinion and i do agree that my mentality can breed negativity, but heres the thing: if she wasnt interested, why wouldnt she just tell him? whether it be by text or by call. i lose respect for someone who doesnt straight up tell me. it hurts more to be left in the dark and ghosted than to be told that they are not intersted and why. no one wants to be left ghosted because they ask themselves where did they go wrong

[QUOTE=RenegadeCop;51942750]You have to empathize with women and what they go through to "reject" people sometimes. Ghosting is 100% safe. I'm sure someone here can explain it better than me, I don't have experience with it.[/QUOTE] I just can't agree. Ghosting is safe, only for the ghoster. it is hard for some people to reject someone, i even struggle with rejecting, but it just shows respect and genuineness in my eyes if they say they arent interested and why

[QUOTE=Zombinie;51941462]tell us how it goes[/QUOTE] Well, it was interesting, I guess. As it turns out, I am probably going to be the one between us who is less interested. We could be friends but I don't think I'd want to be more. There wasn't EXACTLY the problem of her not looking like her pictures, but I did realize shortly after seeing her that there's a reason she didn't smile too big in any of her pictures. It wasn't a disaster or anything, but I could tell fairly early on that I wasn't too interested in her. We hung out in the city for about 2-3 hours, I got ready to leave, secretly hoped she didn't want a kiss, she gave me a hug, and I drove home. So I can scratch "Tinder date" off my bucket list. But after using the app (on and off) for a year, this was my first time actually meeting somebody through it, and I don't know how much drive I really have to keep using it. I have a pretty busy schedule all the time anyway. I had to plan this a week and a half in advance, and people kept trying to make plans with me this week which, frankly, sounded more enticing. I remember thinking a year or so ago that my online dating profile would probably seem really boring since I get out so little, but now that I actually have a really active social life, I'd rather just put my energy into that, and maybe I'll meet a dating prospect along the way, rather than put forth the energy to seek someone out through a dating service. This experience also made me realize that (I think at least) I have a lot more to offer as a dating prospect than I used to think. Now that I've got my own place, and I work a couple jobs, and I have lots of cool friends, and I've always got something different to do on the weekends, and I've got fun hobbies. I used to think I was just naturally unattractive, but I can look at myself and go "Y'know, I'm not horribly disfigured, I've got all my teeth, I've got (just about) all my hair, I work out, I eat healthy, I stay active, I've got a pretty good body, I dress respectably. How hideous can I actually be?" I'm kind of rambling and digressing here but for a lot of my life, I've had a lot of self-esteem issues, and in recent days I kinda feel like I'm getting over a lot of them. So, going on this date, even though I wasn't crazy about the person, at least made me feel yet another notch better about myself.

[QUOTE=sourcegamer101;51942768]I just can't agree. Ghosting is safe, only for the ghoster. it is hard for some people to reject someone, i even struggle with rejecting, but it just shows respect and genuineness in my eyes if they say they arent interested and why[/QUOTE] I'd agree with you, but there's a reason why [URL="https://www.instagram.com/byefelipe/?hl=en"]#byefelipe[/URL] and [URL="https://www.reddit.com/r/creepyPMs/"]/r/creepyPMs[/URL] and the like exist. Some men take it as a massive blow to their ego when they get rejected and absolutely go off the rails with rage. What makes this worse is that you can never really anticipate what someone's true colors are in such situations. A seemingly harmless guy can straight up go "I will kill you and skullfuck your corpse you fucking ugly-ass bitch" when turned down, which is a pretty serious threat to a woman who barely knows you and worse, it could come from someone who has your phone number (in some cases). I'm no white knight but I've personally had female friends show me messages like this that they've received and it's no surprise that they'd rather ghost you than try to be rational and face a response like that. [editline]11th March 2017[/editline] [QUOTE=Loofiloo;51942782]Well, it was interesting, I guess. As it turns out, I am probably going to be the one between us who is less interested. We could be friends but I don't think I'd want to be more. There wasn't EXACTLY the problem of her not looking like her pictures, but I did realize shortly after seeing her that there's a reason she didn't smile too big in any of her pictures. It wasn't a disaster or anything, but I could tell fairly early on that I wasn't too interested in her. We hung out in the city for about 2-3 hours, I got ready to leave, secretly hoped she didn't want a kiss, she gave me a hug, and I drove home. So I can scratch "Tinder date" off my bucket list. But after using the app (on and off) for a year, this was my first time actually meeting somebody through it, and I don't know how much drive I really have to keep using it. I have a pretty busy schedule all the time anyway. I had to plan this a week and a half in advance, and people kept trying to make plans with me this week which, frankly, sounded more enticing. I remember thinking a year or so ago that my online dating profile would probably seem really boring since I get out so little, but now that I actually have a really active social life, I'd rather just put my energy into that, and maybe I'll meet a dating prospect along the way, rather than put forth the energy to seek someone out through a dating service. This experience also made me realize that (I think at least) I have a lot more to offer as a dating prospect than I used to think. Now that I've got my own place, and I work a couple jobs, and I have lots of cool friends, and I've always got something different to do on the weekends, and I've got fun hobbies. I used to think I was just naturally unattractive, but I can look at myself and go "Y'know, I'm not horribly disfigured, I've got all my teeth, I've got (just about) all my hair, I work out, I eat healthy, I stay active, I've got a pretty good body, I dress respectably. How hideous can I actually be?" I'm kind of rambling and digressing here but for a lot of my life, I've had a lot of self-esteem issues, and in recent days I kinda feel like I'm getting over a lot of them. So, going on this date, even though I wasn't crazy about the person, at least made me feel yet another notch better about myself.[/QUOTE] I don't know how old you are, but just wait till you hit 30. My dating life is so, so much fucking better now. If you're a stable individual with no debt, some assets to speak of, your own place and have a personality that's better than particle board (i.e. hobbies and interests that aren't necessarily gaming), you're fucking [I]golden[/I].

:snip: Wrong thread :v:

[QUOTE=Kel|oggs;51933771]don't be so hard on him.. The key is to distance yourself just enough, but keep being her "friend". If she breaks it off with the boyfriend you can start being more flirty and ask her out etc.. Maybe don't take my advice cause I haven't dated since 2013.[/QUOTE] I mean, her boyfriend lives 19 hours away...

[QUOTE=Guy Mannly;51940681]I can relate. My birthday was a couple weeks ago and I was supposed to get drinks with three friends from my class. One of them was sick and couldn't make it. I had asked my (former) second-best friend to contact the third person (let's call them Alex) for me because we didn't have each other's numbers. So when I texted my close friend that evening, he told me Alex had said they couldn't make it and that he had gotten called into work (which is his go-to lie for when he doesn't want to do things). I called him out on his lie and he got really defensive and angry about it. Since Alex and I are in the same damn class, it was easy enough for us to compare our texts from my formerly close friend. Turns out he never even gave Alex my contact info. Neither of us have spoken to him since and Alex and I have started spending more time together, so something good came of it. It really fucking sucks having people bail on you like that but sometimes it can be a good reminder of which people in your life are worth your time - it reminds you not to take some of your friends for granted. I've known Alex for a year and a half and we've never really gotten to know each other until this past week. Meanwhile, I've spent the past year and a half hanging out with an asshole who constantly lies to get out of plans. [editline]10th March 2017[/editline] And for what it's worth, happy birthday. I hope it gets better.[/QUOTE] Thank you! It's nice that you found a friend in this Alex person. One friend actually called me up for a drink with him and his other friend so at least the day ended on a high note. I need to do some thinking on who I call my friends because I think I'm way to forgiving and apathetic towards people when they do me wrong, as some of my "real" friends have pointed out repeatedly. I'm going to start by sorting out this neighbor situation I've been having for the past year. When it comes down to it she really doesn't seem to give a shit about me so I should stop labeling her as my friend and just move on. Actions speak louder than words as they say.

I can feel the hate of head nurse that was on a watch that night I jumped. I probably set her career back few years, I would like to say sorry but I don't remember doing it, it was out of my control.

Hoping my place is open Wednesday but they might be closed because of snow. I have a few questions I really want to ask her. She doesn't have a boyfriend but I worry that could change

[QUOTE=dannyketch;51943185]I mean, her boyfriend lives 19 hours away...[/QUOTE] holy shit no stop this train of thought you're on

[QUOTE=dannyketch;51943185]I mean, her boyfriend lives 19 hours away...[/QUOTE] congrats, you just lost lost everyone's respect do the world a favour and never date

[QUOTE=dannyketch;51943185]I mean, her boyfriend lives 19 hours away...[/QUOTE] It is not okay to try and take a person from what is likely a viable and loving relationship while that relationship is still active. Trying to break people out of their commitments for your own personal gain shows exactly how much you actually care about her.

[QUOTE=dannyketch;51943185]I mean, her boyfriend lives 19 hours away...[/QUOTE] :wow:

[QUOTE=sourcegamer101;51942768]I just can't agree. Ghosting is safe, only for the ghoster. it is hard for some people to reject someone, i even struggle with rejecting, but it just shows respect and genuineness in my eyes if they say they arent interested and why[/QUOTE] There are a lot of reasons why someone might ghost another person. I got lunch with this dude from my class a while back and we exchanged numbers and he started texting me so frequently that I stopped responding (I think he sent about 6 texts over the course of 3 days with no response from me). Sometimes I check my phone when someone texts me and don't respond for a while because I didn't have time to think of a response when I got the text. I think the assumption I make and that a lot of people I've gone out with tend to make is that nobody should be so emotionally invested in their relationship with someone they just met that it would be a big deal if you stopped talking. If you've talked to someone for all of two hours and you don't talk again, it's not the end of the world. [Quote]Ghosting is safe, only for the ghoster.[/quote] If you're equating the personal safety of a woman who is trying to reject a man who is capable of physically overpowering her to the "safety" of someone's fragile self-esteem, then obviously you're missing the point of RenegadeCop's post.