Super Friendly Social and Love Advice v8 - Stop spamming her with texts. - General

So at my mental health program they said they might be closed Wednesday which really sucks because I wanted to ask the girl I like a question but I probably won't see her until next week :(

I haven't talked to her yet. Should see her this wendsday. Honest to god though, you guys act like I'm shitting in the pope's hat. This girl is dating a guy who's 19 hours away, barely see's him and he's significantly younger than her. I'm 22, she's 23, I think he's like 18. Regardless, if she was married, of course I'd step off but for fucks sake, the relationship most likely won't last anyway. "I hope she leaves your life for ever" "Obtuse piece of shit" Fucking get real, man. All's fair in love and war.

We can't physically stop you from doing anything but if you have a dumb idea people are gonna call you out for it. But do what you want.

Just thought I'd write in with some positive news to overshadow some unpleasantness. Things have been going quietly at work. I've been getting on with everyone just fine. I [I]think[/I] some of the girls I work with might have some interest in me, but that's a lot of 'thinks' 'mights' and 'ifs', and really I don't want to make work awkward :v:. I still haven't got around to using a dating app but it's not dragging me down that much these days. I went out clubbing on the weekend, and I will be totally honest, I was hoping that maybe something would happen. Nothing did, but instead I met a lot of very old friends I hadn't seen in years, had a laugh with a stranger wearing the same outfit as me, and hey I got to dance with some good looking ladies for a while, so I left feeling really good. I just want people to know, that no matter how dark it looks, things will get better eventually. Back in January I felt so drained, so utterly apathetic and downright shit about life in general. But now that I've concentrated on what matters most to me in life, my friends and family, my outlook has improved massively. I understand if this outpouring of positive feelings falls on deaf ears to some who are still in that dark place, but believe me when I say that there's still your whole life to lead, don't spend it dwelling on the past. Apologies for long post.

[QUOTE=dannyketch;51955459]I haven't talked to her yet. Should see her this wendsday. Honest to god though, you guys act like I'm shitting in the pope's hat. This girl is dating a guy who's 19 hours away, barely see's him and he's significantly younger than her. I'm 22, she's 23, I think he's like 18. Regardless, if she was married, of course I'd step off but for fucks sake, the relationship most likely won't last anyway. "I hope she leaves your life for ever" "Obtuse piece of shit" Fucking get real, man. All's fair in love and war.[/QUOTE] and who the FUCK ARE YOU TO SAY THAT IT WON'T LAST if you have to justify your choices with "all's fair in love and war" your choice is probably unfair

[QUOTE=dannyketch;51955459]I haven't talked to her yet. Should see her this wendsday. Honest to god though, you guys act like I'm shitting in the pope's hat. This girl is dating a guy who's 19 hours away, barely see's him and he's significantly younger than her. I'm 22, she's 23, I think he's like 18. Regardless, if she was married, of course I'd step off but for fucks sake, the relationship most likely won't last anyway. "I hope she leaves your life for ever" "Obtuse piece of shit" Fucking get real, man. All's fair in love and war.[/QUOTE] If you put in your effort, and she seems to be open to you, then I guess you can assume that she wanted a better relationship that what she currently had. In that case go for it! But if she's giving hints that she wanted to stay loyal to her bf, then I guess you might want to ease up on your approach and be her friend for the time being. Good luck!

[QUOTE=dannyketch;51955459]I haven't talked to her yet. Should see her this wendsday. Honest to god though, you guys act like I'm shitting in the pope's hat. This girl is dating a guy who's 19 hours away, barely see's him and he's significantly younger than her. I'm 22, she's 23, I think he's like 18. Regardless, if she was married, of course I'd step off but for fucks sake, the relationship most likely won't last anyway. "I hope she leaves your life for ever" "Obtuse piece of shit" Fucking get real, man. All's fair in love and war.[/QUOTE] The majority of people here are saying not to because it is a bad and incredibly damaging idea. If you're so intent on it then feel free to go ahead so then she can see what kind of person you really are. You'll at least be doing her a favour. I guarantee it won't be positive.

[QUOTE=Rozelsky;51950259] TL:DR: I think my girlfriend is mentally abusing me and I don't know what to do.[/QUOTE] Do you want to invest so much time and heart into this that it will become more difficult for you to come out of it? That shit fucks up real bad the more you cling to it. Ending now is better. I can relate to the feeling that you don't want to hurt her and it's all fun. But does she really care about all this? Do you think you are investing more compared to her?

[QUOTE=hakimhakim;51955664]If you put in your effort, and she seems to be open to you, then I guess you can assume that she wanted a better relationship that what she currently had. In that case go for it! But if she's giving hints that she wanted to stay loyal to her bf, [B]then I guess you can ease up on your approach and be her friends for the time being.[/B] Good luck![/QUOTE] This is what I really have a problem with. You sound like a predator, move on and get a life.

"if she's giving hints she wanted to stay loyal to her bf" you mean like anyone who is in a healthy relationship jesus fucking christ hakimhakim, you actually disgust me irl

[QUOTE=Levelog;51955715]This is what I really have a problem with. You sound like a predator, move on and get a life.[/QUOTE] Are you suggesting him to cut all connection to her after she expressed her desire to stay with her current bf? That might be doable if they're not that close, but from what I can tell from his previous posts, he's a somewhat a decent friend of hers. Nothing would hurt her more that having to lose a friend because of this. I should know; I made the same mistake when in my juvenile years. Never again.

[QUOTE=hakimhakim;51955735]Are you suggesting him to cut all connection to her after she expressed her desire to stay with her current bf? That might be doable if they're not that close, but from what I can tell from his previous posts, he's a somewhat a decent friend of hers. Nothing would hurt her more that having to lose a friend because of this. I should know; I made the same mistake when in my juvenile years. Never again.[/QUOTE] have you ever had someone crush on you, and then when you tell them you're not interested, they still hang around? are they truly okay with being your friend, or are they just waiting/hoping you'll change your mind about not being interested

[QUOTE=hakimhakim;51955735]Are you suggesting him to cut all connection to her after she expressed her desire to stay with her current bf? That might be doable if they're not that close, but from what I can tell from his previous posts, he's a somewhat a decent friend of hers. Nothing would hurt her more that having to lose a friend because of this. I should know; I made the same mistake when in my juvenile years. Never again.[/QUOTE] "Never really noticed her until last wednesday" It's perfectly fine being friends with her, but none of this "sit and wait" shit. If you want to be friends be friends, if you just want to get a girl, move on, there's millions of others out there. You're just wasting your time and letting others go by.

[QUOTE=Levelog;51955748][B]"Never really noticed her until last wednesday"[/B] It's perfectly fine being friends with her, but none of this "sit and wait" shit. If you want to be friends be friends, if you just want to get a girl, move on, there's millions of others out there. You're just wasting your time and letting others go by.[/QUOTE] It meant DannySketch didn't really saw her in romantic light until last Wednesday. They are acquaintanced with each other since long before. He's already friends with her, why not continue being so? In the meantime, nothing stopping him from going for another prospect. If you're worried that things might get sour after he tried to 'get to know her better' which resulted in them stopped being friends, then you can be assured that will not be the case. Danny already told us he's just going to ask her to a show to gauge her acceptance towards him, not confessing his heart out (which will make things awkward between them). An adult woman (23) would be flattered that another person is subtly expressing his interest in the way DannySketch does. And if, somehow in the future, she broke up with her bf, and DannySketch still holds romantic feeling towards her, then he'd knows that he got to know her character fairly well in the time of them being friends to make an informed decision whether she's worth it to go after her. I think we all need to stop being hostile for a bit, especially in a thread that have 'Super Frendly + Love + Social' words in it. This isn't SH.

[QUOTE=dannyketch;51955459]I haven't talked to her yet. Should see her this wendsday. Honest to god though, you guys act like I'm shitting in the pope's hat. This girl is dating a guy who's 19 hours away, barely see's him and he's significantly younger than her. I'm 22, she's 23, I think he's like 18. Regardless, if she was married, of course I'd step off but for fucks sake, the relationship most likely won't last anyway. "I hope she leaves your life for ever" "Obtuse piece of shit" Fucking get real, man. All's fair in love and war.[/QUOTE] Every time someone posts shit like this in this thread I just die wishing that the girl they're talking about could read it. I wish they could see what a manipulative disrespectful tool-bag the guy is being about her because the idea of girls trusting men like this and seeing them as friends as they try and worm them out of relationships is just so gross.

[QUOTE=BarnacleDrive;51955873]Every time someone posts shit like this in this thread I just die wishing that the girl they're talking about could read it. I wish they could see what a manipulative disrespectful tool-bag the guy is being about her because the idea of girls trusting men like this and seeing them as friends as they try and worm them out of relationships is just so gross.[/QUOTE] Can't really blame him. He's been showered with insults for the last 3 pages. Even after 1 pages of of insults, he's still graceful enough to inform us the progress of his endeavor, without a hint of malice. But after 2-3 pages, I guess most people would blow their fuse. Most of us here are even less graceful than him. Sadly that even includes mods that's supposed to moderate things down.

[QUOTE=hakimhakim;51955903]Can't really blame him. He's been showered with insults for the last 3 pages. Even after 1 pages of of insults, he's still graceful enough to inform us the progress of his endeavor, without a hint of malice. But after 2-3 pages, I guess most people would blow their fuse. Most of us here are even less graceful than him. Sadly that even includes mods that's supposed to moderate things down.[/QUOTE] This page is for super friendly advice, sure, but that includes the men and women on the other end of people's social dilemmas. So when a forum sees a person disregarding even the most basic concept of someone being in another relationship, planning to manipulate them out of it, and belittling it as someone who 'only live 19 hours away' we pretty rightly express disgust at that. Many people replied with some clear but respectful negatives when this first started, frankly a lot of the bad blood has been generated by your views about women. The entire problem here is that you can't see what's malicious about talking about a girl as though she's an object to be groomed and won from someone weaker.

[QUOTE=BarnacleDrive;51955978]This page is for super friendly advice, sure, but that includes the men and women on the other end of people's social dilemmas. So when a forum sees a person disregarding even the most basic concept of someone being in another relationship, planning to manipulate them out of it, and belittling it as someone who 'only live 19 hours away' we pretty rightly express disgust at that. Many people replied with some clear but respectful negatives when this first started, frankly a lot of the bad blood has been generated by your views about women. The entire problem here is that you can't see what's malicious about talking about a girl as though she's an object to be groomed and won from someone weaker.[/QUOTE] Nobody's taking anything. She's not a thing. Nobody's trying to manipulate anybody. All DannySketch does is trying to appeal for her favour. It's the girl right to reject him or accept him. The reason he states that 'he's 19 hours away' meant that he expects the girl's relationship to be as far as the distance between them. He tried to give us the idea that he thought the girl might be open for new options because of the complications of the presumed distance. He or me never once assumed that her bf is weaker. 'Won' by my context is the success of him to form better relationship with her, not as in winning a prize from a duck hunting contest. I'm more than sure you guys understands this at least, because I don't want to think that you're just twisting his words to paint him as a bad person. I understands that you guys might be uncomfortable with another guy 'encroaching' on your territory, but try not to put words in his mouth, or paint and insult the others as manipulative, scum, deuchebags, objectifying, and whatnot. Don't make personal attacks. That would trigger more malice. That's where the bad blood is coming from.

[QUOTE=BarnacleDrive;51955873]Every time someone posts shit like this in this thread I just die wishing that the girl they're talking about could read it. I wish they could see what a manipulative disrespectful tool-bag the guy is being about her because the idea of girls trusting men like this and seeing them as friends as they try and worm them out of relationships is just so gross.[/QUOTE] Honestly I think this is a pretty good gauge for people to use in general when figuring out if they're doing something wrong. If you're saying something here (or anywhere in secret) and you think it would disgust or offend the person in question, it's probably something you shouldn't be considering in the first place. I mean, if you're willing to tell a girl to her face "I hope you break up with your boyfriend so you can date me," then I guess carry on. If you're willing to make those intentions explicitly known, then it's not up to me to judge, it's just up to whoever you say it to. But if this is something you have to hide from the person in question, and you have to put up a facade that tells them you're NOT going forth with that intention, then you are being manipulative and disrespectful.

Was at a party last night and this girl I had a huge crush on since high school was there. Every time I got a chance to walk up to her she would get grabbed by somebody or walk off or someone would do something to distract me etc. She was leaving and my buddy who knew I was into her basically shoved me out the door after her, chased her to the end of the street and blurted out something like "Hey this is weird since I didn't say a word to you but I'm trying to build up my confidence and I think you're beautiful and would you like to go on a date sometime or talk or something?" I was drunk enough for confidence but I'm pretty sure I said that clearly and without sounding like a serial rapist or something. Anyway she surprised me by saying yes, even though she doesn't have a lot of time with college. I put in my number as "Jake from the party" but she said that she knew who I was and she would remember, so I feel like she wasn't just humoring me. Problem is that I failed utterly by giving her my number instead of vice versa, so now I've been jumping every time my phone buzzes thinking it might be her only for it to be Steam offering me sweet deals on games I don't want or whatever. Anyway that boosted my confidence levels by a good 100% which I've been needing since me and my ex broke up but now it's draining steadily as time passes. Fingers crossed. [editline]14th March 2017[/editline] Also the fuck is happening up there ^

[QUOTE=dannyketch;51955459]I haven't talked to her yet. Should see her this wendsday. Honest to god though, you guys act like I'm shitting in the pope's hat. This girl is dating a guy who's 19 hours away, barely see's him and he's significantly younger than her. I'm 22, she's 23, I think he's like 18. Regardless, if she was married, of course I'd step off but for fucks sake, the relationship most likely won't last anyway. "I hope she leaves your life for ever" "Obtuse piece of shit" Fucking get real, man. All's fair in love and war.[/QUOTE] I'm not gonna insult you like most people are. I've been on both sides of the field, and even gave people advice on the regular about how to "steal" a girl who is already in a relationship. I did it quite a few times many, many years ago, and never really thought anything of it because all is fair. Then it happened to me, and I realized just how terrible a person I was. It sucks when someone drives themselves between you and someone you care about. Unfortunately, life isn't binary. You can't really say, "Well if it's possible in the first place, she was gonna be unfaithful at some point regardless." Sure, if it's EZPZ then that's a solid argument, but if you gotta put in work to drive them apart, you're ending something that maybe wouldn't have an end without you. You come first in your own life, I believe that more than anything. However, having been the person who's done the stealing and the person who has been stolen from, all I ask is you take a step back and consider your fellow man. There's a guy out there you don't even know who you're seriously considering crushing the heart of just because you want to get your dick wet. If you're okay with that, and okay with the fact that when it happens to you the pain will be multiplied tenfold because you'll know you deserved it, then go ahead and do what you gotta do. It took many years for my actions to catch up with me, but they eventually did, and I was in a bad spot for a long time because of it. There's no happiness to be found at the end of the road you're traveling on.

I'm just gonna say this about this whole ordeal. What goes around comes around. Don't expect people to respect the boundaries of your relationships when you tried to justify not doing so when it came to others in the past. I mean is all fair in love and war right? Is TOTTALLY ok for me to decide what's best for the person that is already in a relationship. Like who gives a fuck about the guy/girl that's being hurt in the process? Is only my own happiness that counts after all.

[QUOTE=dannyketch;51955459] All's fair in love and war.[/QUOTE] Not a good thing to say.

So, after being all but dragged into the doctor, as he was "just needing some rest", my 58 year old father turns out to have had a heart infarction. He didn't have cardiac arrest, he is stable and in a good mood, but he seems to have the whole coronary system blocked, and he may need bypass surgery rather than just stents. I have enough formation to understand and rationalize everything, I am being strong and supporting both him and my mother, I am trying to stop us all from dwelling into "what ifs" and "should hads", but I need to vent stuff so I neither go full anxious or hurt somebody I care for.

[QUOTE=dannyketch;51955459]Honest to god though, you guys act like I'm shitting in the pope's hat. This girl is dating a guy who's 19 hours away, barely see's him and he's significantly younger than her. I'm 22, she's 23, I think he's like 18. Regardless, if she was married, of course I'd step off but for fucks sake, the relationship most likely won't last anyway.[/quote] No, no, no. You DON'T know that it won't last, you know NOTHING about their relationship other than they're in one. And even if you DID know, it's not your place to drive yourself between them just so you can have her for yourself. That's a selfish, egotistical, dick move. [QUOTE=dannyketch;51955459]Fucking get real, man. All's fair in love and war.[/QUOTE] lmao no it's not. For starters, people usually have the common decency not to get in the middle of other people's relationships. And in war, there's the Geneva Conventions.

[QUOTE=Blazyd;51949394]On imessage it says "delivered" when you send a text to another person with an iphone. We both have iphones, so my texts send but the little "delivered" message doesn't show up so that means she isn't receiving them. Our last convo was friday when I texted her "you wanna do something tomorrow night?? I'll be home" and she said "yes!!!!" (exact words) wasn't unfriended or blocked[/QUOTE] My messages still never delivered and my snapchat is still unopened. I was really looking forward to my spring break to hang out with her but of course she goes MIA right as soon as I get home. The last I heard from her was that text and her snapchat stories were all complaining about life and I believe she had a court date soon too. Maybe the court got her phone? I just hate not knowing what happened because it's not like she's ignoring me - I just can't reach her.

I'm no psychologist or anything. But I think it's pretty clear that what dannyketch is doing is coming up with the solution most beneficial to him [I]first[/I], and rationalizing it later. Is there a term for this? I'm sure it has a quirky-sounding name like "Wet Nipple Bias" or something. But anyway, I don't know why it seems that way. I guess I just had a realization at one point - probably around the time I stopped being a teenager - where it finally hit me, just how true the "plenty more fish in the sea" adage was. And it made me recognize just how easy it is to convince yourself of all sorts of crap if it helps you sleep at night. All of the times I told myself these girls who I interacted with once or twice were the love of my life? Or that my totally-not-manipulative master plan to be really friendly until they realized what a great guy I was, and suddenly declared their undying love for me? Bullshit. And that's the exact vibe I'm getting off of danny. Maybe I'm just optimistic, but I seriously doubt he's the edgy, cynical, Frank Underwood-type guy he's telling himself he is. I just think he's desperate to justify himself and go with whatever logic seems more convenient at the moment.

[QUOTE=Zukriuchen;51959093]I'm no psychologist or anything. But I think it's pretty clear that what dannyketch is doing is coming up with the solution most beneficial to him [I]first[/I], and rationalizing it later. Is there a term for this? I'm sure it has a quirky-sounding name like "Wet Nipple Bias" or something. But anyway, I don't know why it seems that way. I guess I just had a realization at one point - probably around the time I stopped being a teenager - where it finally hit me, just how true the "plenty more fish in the sea" adage was. And it made me recognize just how easy it is to convince yourself of all sorts of crap if it helps you sleep at night. All of the times I told myself these girls who I interacted with once or twice were the love of my life? Or that my totally-not-manipulative master plan to be really friendly until they realized what a great guy I was, and suddenly declared their undying love for me? Bullshit. And that's the exact vibe I'm getting off of danny. Maybe I'm just optimistic, but I seriously doubt he's the edgy, cynical, Frank Underwood-type guy he's telling himself he is. I just think he's desperate to justify himself and go with whatever logic seems more convenient at the moment.[/QUOTE] I'm gonna use the Wet Nipple Bias as a valid term now.

[QUOTE=Zukriuchen;51959093]I'm no psychologist or anything. But I think it's pretty clear that what dannyketch is doing is coming up with the solution most beneficial to him [I]first[/I], and rationalizing it later. Is there a term for this? I'm sure it has a quirky-sounding name like "Wet Nipple Bias" or something. But anyway, I don't know why it seems that way. I guess I just had a realization at one point - probably around the time I stopped being a teenager - where it finally hit me, just how true the "plenty more fish in the sea" adage was. And it made me recognize just how easy it is to convince yourself of all sorts of crap if it helps you sleep at night. All of the times I told myself these girls who I interacted with once or twice were the love of my life? Or that my totally-not-manipulative master plan to be really friendly until they realized what a great guy I was, and suddenly declared their undying love for me? Bullshit. And that's the exact vibe I'm getting off of danny. Maybe I'm just optimistic, but I seriously doubt he's the edgy, cynical, Frank Underwood-type guy he's telling himself he is. I just think he's desperate to justify himself and go with whatever logic seems more convenient at the moment.[/QUOTE] I understand your point but I just feel like the way things go is just not right What love is is chance; essentially the right way to go about these things is: 1. dont give a shit about it 2. wait long enough its just chance. chance fucking sucks, its just chaos, and if you try to approach it in any different way (for example actively looking to know and possibly date girls) you get smacked in the face till you give up its frustrating as hell [editline]14th March 2017[/editline] that said, being manipulative like that is just wrong

[QUOTE=RenegadeCop;51959459]Love isn't a coin-toss, if that is what you are implying. It is two people who care about each other sexually, physically, mentally, etc. with friendship as a foundation. They essentially become an extension of your feelings. What you feel is what they feel, and vice versa. When they cry, you cry because they cry. It is as if the empathy gates are unlocked and the waters flooding town square. However, while love becomes an extension of yourself, it should never become a trait you define yourself by. You can knock a wing off a building, but the foyer will still stand. It is much more than a coin toss.[/QUOTE] fine then, disregard what I said for I wasnt talking about "love" love, but just two people being together because they like each other simpler, lesser, more corresponding to my teen age [editline]14th March 2017[/editline] But I still stand by what I said, you cant do anything about it but wait someone likes you and see if you like them back