Super Friendly Social and Love Advice v8 - Stop spamming her with texts. - General

[QUOTE=Eriorguez;51958552]So, after being all but dragged into the doctor, as he was "just needing some rest", my 58 year old father turns out to have had a heart infarction. He didn't have cardiac arrest, he is stable and in a good mood, but he seems to have the whole coronary system blocked, and he may need bypass surgery rather than just stents. I have enough formation to understand and rationalize everything, I am being strong and supporting both him and my mother, I am trying to stop us all from dwelling into "what ifs" and "should hads", but I need to vent stuff so I neither go full anxious or hurt somebody I care for.[/QUOTE] no point in dwelling on the "should haves", it's too late to do anything about the past now. but look at it this way, it's been discovered before anything worse has happened, you're all aware of what's going on what the possibilities might be, but from what I know, bypass operations are common and have a high success rate. stay positive my dude

If she lets him do what he's planing to do, i guess she on the same page as him? And if she does it then she will do it again i guess.

[QUOTE=Zukriuchen;51959093]I'm no psychologist or anything. But I think it's pretty clear that what dannyketch is doing is coming up with the solution most beneficial to him [I]first[/I], and rationalizing it later. Is there a term for this? I'm sure it has a quirky-sounding name like "Wet Nipple Bias" or something.[/QUOTE] The term for it in psychology is just rationalization. It's a form of cognitive dissonance. We all do it on a daily basis.

Anyone have recommendation on what I said above and how long I should wait. Never gave a girl my number, only vice versa, and I'm not sure when I should feel like it's not happening.

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[QUOTE=JeSuisIkea;51960438]Anyone have recommendation on what I said above and how long I should wait. Never gave a girl my number, only vice versa, and I'm not sure when I should feel like it's not happening.[/QUOTE] id like to know this also. I don't know when's a good time

[QUOTE=JeSuisIkea;51960438]Anyone have recommendation on what I said above and how long I should wait. Never gave a girl my number, only vice versa, and I'm not sure when I should feel like it's not happening.[/QUOTE] How long you should wait for what, a response? You shouldn't wait at all. You give someone your number and you just move on with your daily life. You shouldn't divert any energy at all to sitting there wondering about all the what ifs, if they text/call then great, if they don't, oh well. That's the magic of being the one who gives the number, you don't have to sit there and wonder when it's okay to send that first text or whatever, you just drop your digits, expect the worst and hope for the best.

[QUOTE=MaverickIB;51960780]How long you should wait for what, a response? You shouldn't wait at all. You give someone your number and you just move on with your daily life. You shouldn't divert any energy at all to sitting there wondering about all the what ifs, if they text/call then great, if they don't, oh well. That's the magic of being the one who gives the number, you don't have to sit there and wonder when it's okay to send that first text or whatever, you just drop your digits, expect the worst and hope for the best.[/QUOTE] Alright, fiar enough I suppose. Just wish I got the number, I like the control of at least knowing whether or not she's still interested by how her response is, just letting Jesus take the wheel bugs me.

I've been in hospital for past week now, my life fucking sucks, all day I am lying on my back staring into ceiling, can't even have laptop. Today finally got brace installed so I can start learning to walk again, you know your life sucks dick when you're excited that you get to learn to walk. Although I think I am more excited about the fact that it means I am closer to getting sent home.

[QUOTE=JeSuisIkea;51960903]Alright, fiar enough I suppose. Just wish I got the number, I like the control of at least knowing whether or not she's still interested by how her response is, just [B]letting Jesus take the wheel[/B] bugs me.[/QUOTE] such is anything love related

been talking to my friends about the girl ive my past couple of posts here have been about, they said to just go and try asking her out, which is what i plan on doing next time we meet one of them asked me to type to him what i was going to say, to which i replied with "would you want to go to a restaurant with me as a date". he said it was fine but recommended me to leaving out the date part. on the other hand i feel like if i do leave it out it could create a scenario where im still unclear if she is interested in viewing me past a friend

[QUOTE=Blueridge;51962029]been talking to my friends about the girl ive my past couple of posts here have been about, they said to just go and try asking her out, which is what i plan on doing next time we meet one of them asked me to type to him what i was going to say, to which i replied with "would you want to go to a restaurant with me as a date". he said it was fine but recommended me to leaving out the date part. on the other hand i feel like if i do leave it out it could create a scenario where im still unclear if she is interested in viewing me past a friend[/QUOTE] leave out the date part, do the thing, and drop the ball then after eating maybe? nothing too crazy, just say you're interested in her. if she says she's interested in exploring a potential relationship as well, bingo bongo, if not, then it doesn't have to be too awkward i think?

[QUOTE=Blueridge;51962029]been talking to my friends about the girl ive my past couple of posts here have been about, they said to just go and try asking her out, which is what i plan on doing next time we meet one of them asked me to type to him what i was going to say, to which i replied with "would you want to go to a restaurant with me as a date". he said it was fine but recommended me to leaving out the date part. on the other hand i feel like if i do leave it out it could create a scenario where im still unclear if she is interested in viewing me past a friend[/QUOTE] I want to ask out that girl from work but I don't know how to ask, chiefly because I don't know if I want to go on a date or if I just want to hang out (hey girl, want to socialize in an unspecified capacity at any location other than work??) I guess I'm supposed to have this shit figured out before I ask HUH She's new the area (whole fucking country in fact), works two jobs (busy but claims to be bored outside of this), is saving all her money for school (wouldn't want to ask her to do any spendy activities), isn't 21, no car, lives with mom (me too though), is ESL, and come fall, we'll be living on different coasts for school 100% guaranteed. so I don't know if I should! [editline]14th March 2017[/editline] man fuck being pageking

[QUOTE=austin0331;51962135]leave out the date part, do the thing, and drop the ball then after eating maybe? nothing too crazy, just say you're interested in her. if she says she's interested in exploring a potential relationship as well, bingo bongo, if not, then it doesn't have to be too awkward i think?[/QUOTE] hmm, that could work im trying to remain realistically hopeful that she says yes but my mind keeps fucking with me. i keep getting to a point where i feel confident about it, and then that same day i get a dream where she laughs it off or some shit like that. i then wake up feeling extremely discouraged, fucking sucks

[QUOTE=Blueridge;51962402]hmm, that could work im trying to remain realistically hopeful that she says yes but my mind keeps fucking with me. i keep getting to a point where i feel confident about it, and then that same day i get a dream where she laughs it off or some shit like that. i then wake up feeling extremely discouraged, fucking sucks[/QUOTE] you'll be fine. just play it cool, and always be on your toes and thinking of things to talk about instead of awkward silence. obviously, not every second should be talking, plus you'll be eating so that helps

I don't think it's really super important whether you call it a date or you're just trying to spend one-on-one time with somebody. Because that's basically what a date is. A date isn't this huge intimidating formal event, it's literally just spending time alone with someone. If it goes well, maybe hugs n kisses happen, and maybe you get to continue going on more dates. If it goes poorly, those things don't happen. Thing is, all that shit either will happen or will not happen regardless of whether you do or don't call it a date. And if you WANT to date this person, why not TRY to date them? If they want to date you, they'll say yes to the date. If they don't want to date you, you're not going to change that by asking them out to a bunch of one-on-one outings that you don't refer to as dates. Plus, asking them out on non-dates when you have another intention is arguably dishonest.

[QUOTE=Loofiloo;51962499]I don't think it's really super important whether you call it a date or you're just trying to spend one-on-one time with somebody. Because that's basically what a date is. A date isn't this huge intimidating formal event, it's literally just spending time alone with someone. If it goes well, maybe hugs n kisses happen, and maybe you get to continue going on more dates. If it goes poorly, those things don't happen. Thing is, all that shit either will happen or will not happen regardless of whether you do or don't call it a date.[/QUOTE] I don't know who's being replied to but I found this helpful. I think the issue is mostly my own in that I don't have very well-defined intentions myself, so I'm in turn unsure how to propose the whole idea. Because like you said I don't want how I feel to change and then the whole thing feel bait and switchy. Basically I got some of my own figuring out to do

[QUOTE=danjee;51962674]I don't know who's being replied to but I found this helpful. I think the issue is mostly my own in that I don't have very well-defined intentions myself, so I'm in turn unsure how to propose the whole idea. Because like you said I don't want how I feel to change and then the whole thing feel bait and switchy. Basically I got some of my own figuring out to do[/QUOTE] Dont overthink shit. Stop looking at it as a date, stop building shit up in your head before you even ask. My relationships all happened because I really, legitimately enjoyed their company and if something fun or exciting happened in my life, they were the first people I would want to tell. I am happy to say that they reciprocated the same and it was that mutual feeling of being an unspoken priority in each others lives that drew us closer together until, just like that, we were in a great relationship. Start with that and your social interactions as well - ask for their company to do cool shit together, not because you see potential for a relationship, but because you really like being with them and you hope they feel the same about you.

[QUOTE=arleitiss;51961176]I've been in hospital for past week now, my life fucking sucks, all day I am lying on my back staring into ceiling, can't even have laptop. Today finally got brace installed so I can start learning to walk again, you know your life sucks dick when you're excited that you get to learn to walk. Although I think I am more excited about the fact that it means I am closer to getting sent home.[/QUOTE] I know your pain, I shattered my leg last year and spent 6 weeks immobile. The first day I dragged myself outside again after felt like the happiest day of my life.

[QUOTE=metallics;51962899]I know your pain, I shattered my leg last year and spent 6 weeks immobile. The first day I dragged myself outside again after felt like the happiest day of my life.[/QUOTE] Yeah for me legs are fine but my back is absolutely fucked.

[QUOTE=arleitiss;51961176]I've been in hospital for past week now, my life fucking sucks, all day I am lying on my back staring into ceiling, can't even have laptop. Today finally got brace installed so I can start learning to walk again, you know your life sucks dick when you're excited that you get to learn to walk. Although I think I am more excited about the fact that it means I am closer to getting sent home.[/QUOTE] I've never jumped out of a window but I've had to re-learn to walk about three times in the past 24 years. You'll be back at it in no time. Don't dwell on the situation, think about the future. Positive mental attitude is crucial during long hospital stays.

[QUOTE=PredGD;51953158]Lately I've been having some issues with being separated from my SO, it makes me tense and anxious. Its even worse if she's out with friends while I'm rotting away at home. It makes me feel so ill but at the same time I don't understand why since she's not doing anything bad. I think I've become that person who uses their partner as a mental crutch. The smallest details makes me fear the biggest things and if I've set any expectations for how my day will go with her and it drifts slightly, I get irritated. Most of the time once the feelings start to fade I often find myself thinking that I was being incredibly irrational. I sort of understand why I feel the way I do, but I rarely think my reaction to it, being internally or shared, is appropriate. I don't think she has ever lied to me but yet I have issues trusting her when she says something. I don't think she'd lie at all when it comes to more serious topics but small things like excuses for whatever it might be gets me all suspicious. Most of the time I make up some sort of scenario up in my head that involves something negative about me that makes her make excuses. What do I do about this? I'm never 100% sure when I'm reacting appropriately or not but what I can say is that I react inappropriately a little too often. Even if I'm justified in reacting its usually always a little too much reacting. I'm not even sure if what I'm writing here is true or not since my SO claims that she understands why I react the way I do most of the time. I feel the opposite though, that I can't justify my reactions all the time. I'm afraid that if I really fit the bill of being the partner who uses their partner as a mental crutch, then maybe I'm just hitting the right spots to convince her that I'm justified in doing what I do, I don't even know.[/QUOTE] Anyone? It doesn't feel right to be with her anymore since somewhere inside me I'm convinced she's hanging out with me in pity. I'm so confused and worried about us. The idea of breaking up has popped up, not because I don't like her but because I'm seeing things that might not even be there and it hurts. I don't know what to do, I just want to be able to relax and not worry so much about our relationship.

[QUOTE=PredGD;51963125]Anyone? It doesn't feel right to be with her anymore since somewhere inside me I'm convinced she's hanging out with me in pity. I'm so confused and worried about us. The idea of breaking up has popped up, not because I don't like her but because I'm seeing things that might not even be there and it hurts. I don't know what to do, I just want to be able to relax and not worry so much about our relationship.[/QUOTE] Just ask her if she needs some time. That should give you a hint or two. Lying, even for little excuses, is not good unless it is done not so frequently and with some altruism.

[QUOTE=PredGD;51963125]Anyone? It doesn't feel right to be with her anymore since somewhere inside me I'm convinced she's hanging out with me in pity. I'm so confused and worried about us. The idea of breaking up has popped up, not because I don't like her but because I'm seeing things that might not even be there and it hurts. I don't know what to do, I just want to be able to relax and not worry so much about our relationship.[/QUOTE] You need to learn to be more trusting. If she isn't giving you a reason, or clear evidence to worry or be suspicious, then don't be. Don't self sabotage your own relationship because of those insecurities. Just try to be more aware of when you get yourself in that line of thought and try to stop or resist it. Trust her and push away the bad. 99.9999% chance is like what you said, you're seeing things and just hurting yourself. It also wouldnt be a bad idea to bring this up with her and explain to her how you feel and maybe she can help you know? You guys are together and all that. Just my 2 cents

[QUOTE=fritzel;51963167]Just ask her if she needs some time. That should give you a hint or two. Lying, even for little excuses, is not good unless it is done not so frequently and with some altruism.[/QUOTE] We talked some about it two days ago and she said she wanted a day for herself a week. That day was supposed to be yesterday but it didn't happen since she started feeling bad for me and didn't want me to go despite me saying it was okay. Instead, I sat down on her laptop while she did exactly what she wanted without my company at her place. She feels like she has gotten her day but I don't really agree. Being together 6 days out of 7 still sounds a little too much but I don't want to change it either because these thoughts I'm sharing here get so much worse if I'm not with her. [QUOTE=The Rifleman;51963169]You need to learn to be more trusting. If she isn't giving you a reason, or clear evidence to worry or be suspicious, then don't be. Don't self sabotage your own relationship because of those insecurities. Just try to be more aware of when you get yourself in that line of thought and try to stop or resist it. Trust her and push away the bad. 99.9999% chance is like what you said, you're seeing things and just hurting yourself. It also wouldnt be a bad idea to bring this up with her and explain to her how you feel and maybe she can help you know? You guys are together and all that. Just my 2 cents[/QUOTE] I agree, I've always been a little paranoid about people so I might not trust her as much as I'd like. I can't think of anything she has said or done that should ring any bells but yet my alarms are going off. The only thing that she has said that has worried me is that she has mentioned a guy friend of ours very often lately which she usually never did before. He's the only person she ever mentions of her friends, usually a few times every day. If we're hanging out with him and we're a group, she's always asking him questions despite it being an answer we can all answer on. I remember her directly asking him a question not too long ago and shortly after she said it, she corrected herself "oh and I might as well ask you too pred" as if she made a mistake by asking him. Yesterday she also planned to take a boat trip with him during the summer which she never told me, I only know about it because she mentioned it to her father with me nearby. Maybe I'm just seeing stuff that shouldn't worry me but I can't help but worry when she went from never talking about or to this guy to doing it every day in some way. I don't know how often they chat but she mentions him often. I feel like I probably shouldn't mention this worry since if its true what I think then there's only one outcome anyway. If it isn't true I might just offend her.

In my experience that "guy friend" has always turned out to be more than just a friend. It's just been my own shitty luck with it but there were always signs. It wouldn't hurt to tell her that you feel a bit unconformable about him or put off at the very least. Don't accuse her of anything. But again, just my shit luck with it so I'm very bias to the situation and it could just be nothing.

[QUOTE=The Rifleman;51963257]In my experience that "guy friend" has always turned out to be more than just a friend. It's just been my own shitty luck with it but there were always signs. It wouldn't hurt to tell her that you feel a bit unconformable about him or put off at the very least. Don't accuse her of anything. But again, just my shit luck with it so I'm very bias to the situation and it could just be nothing.[/QUOTE] I'm scared that if I pile that worry on top of all the other worries I have that she knows about, she might feel like I don't trust her at all. Maybe she'll be offended that I'm having the thought to begin with. It would be nice to hear from her that there's nothing to worry about but then again, if my worry is legitimate I'll most likely get a lie out of her which means I probably shouldn't expect any other answer but "there's nothing to worry about". Do you want to share the signs you experienced? Everybody is different of course so the signs could be wildly different but it would be nice to hear anyway, if you want to share.

[QUOTE=PredGD;51963289]I'm scared that if I pile that worry on top of all the other worries I have that she knows about, she might feel like I don't trust her at all. Maybe she'll be offended that I'm having the thought to begin with. It would be nice to hear from her that there's nothing to worry about but then again, if my worry is legitimate I'll most likely get a lie out of her which means I probably shouldn't expect any other answer but "there's nothing to worry about". Do you want to share the signs you experienced? Everybody is different of course so the signs could be wildly different but it would be nice to hear anyway, if you want to share.[/QUOTE] I would legitemately wait for other people to give you advice on this instead of just taking my word on it. Again heavily biased. My experiences have been the guy going from "oh he's just a friend" to "we're hanging out a lot not a big deal we're friends" to "We did have a history but that's forever ago and nothing to worry about". The phrase "nothing to worry about" gets to me, really badly. It's just always turned out to be something and you can always tell if you're with them and the other person. It reminds me of that black mirror episode where all their memories are saved in a chip and they can replay them and the husband goes to a party with his wife and just something seems tiny bit off...well. Anyway again just let someone else speak on the matter other than just me.

[QUOTE=JeSuisIkea;51957386]Was at a party last night and this girl I had a huge crush on since high school was there. Every time I got a chance to walk up to her she would get grabbed by somebody or walk off or someone would do something to distract me etc. She was leaving and my buddy who knew I was into her basically shoved me out the door after her, chased her to the end of the street and blurted out something like "Hey this is weird since I didn't say a word to you but I'm trying to build up my confidence and I think you're beautiful and would you like to go on a date sometime or talk or something?" I was drunk enough for confidence but I'm pretty sure I said that clearly and without sounding like a serial rapist or something. Anyway she surprised me by saying yes, even though she doesn't have a lot of time with college. I put in my number as "Jake from the party" but she said that she knew who I was and she would remember, so I feel like she wasn't just humoring me. Problem is that I failed utterly by giving her my number instead of vice versa, so now I've been jumping every time my phone buzzes thinking it might be her only for it to be Steam offering me sweet deals on games I don't want or whatever. Anyway that boosted my confidence levels by a good 100% which I've been needing since me and my ex broke up but now it's draining steadily as time passes. Fingers crossed. [editline]14th March 2017[/editline] Also the fuck is happening up there ^[/QUOTE] Good for you but yeah you should have gotten her number instead. I don't know what it's like in the US but here people generally really dislike talking on the phone and are super awkward even when texting with someone they don't know very well. I once gave my number to a girl who had a crush on me but she couldn't build up the confidence to call or text and it was years before I found out.

[QUOTE=bdd458;51701353]idk where else to put this, i guess I just need to vent right now I'm afraid my best friend is making a bad relationship choice. i can't force her to do anything, but i feel like her feelings are really clouding her judgement.[/QUOTE] So a bit of an update on this situation from January: She's over him. He found another girl again, my best friend called him out on it, and then he tried said he never really liked my bestfriend anyway, and that he had never said anything to that effect, which really pissed her off cuz he had said a lot how much he cared/liked her. Hopefully she takes it as a lesson to try and not let her feelings cloud her judgement on stuff like that from now on. Like, he had fucking left her for another girl and then came back and she 100% accepted him back right away, which I knew was a bad move. And he did it again (like I had a feeling he would, and I remember telling her that in January). But, she's smart and strong so I know she has it in her to learn from this. edit: Oh, and the new girl that this dude found? [I]Already has a boyfriend[/I]. I'm reaallly glad this happened now instead of later with them possibly being in a more serious relationship where this would have been a lot worse for my best friend.