Super Friendly Social and Love Advice v8 - Stop spamming her with texts. - General

[QUOTE=mdeceiver79;51268252]Fear of rejection comes from the belief that you are not good enough. Address that by identifying what you dislike and either accepting it or changing it. You're allowed to have issues but its not good for you if you fight it and keep wishing things we're different, especially if you have no agency to make that change. Infatuation comes from unrealistic perceptions of people. The subject of your infatuation is probably riddled with flaws which you either refuse to see or look over as quirks. Like movie stars, we see them and think they so cool but they're human and trying to live up to those imaginary standards would be very hard.[/QUOTE] I just want to stop feeling vulnerable like this, I can't stand it also to stop thinking about her for at least 10 mins I don't mind love as long as it doesnt interfere with my sanity, which my previous didnt

[QUOTE=SebiWarrior;51268268]I just want to stop feeling vulnerable like this, I can't stand it also to stop thinking about her for at least 10 mins I don't mind love as long as it doesnt interfere with my sanity, which my previous didnt[/QUOTE] Learn to control your thoughts with mindfulness. Or rather control the effect your thoughts have, they'll still happen but you'll be able to "dismiss" them and not be affected by them at which point they quickly go away

out of curiosity what is your relationship with this girl?

[QUOTE=cricket50;51268337]out of curiosity what is your relationship with this girl?[/QUOTE] right now we're just friends, we met during a course we're both following when we're together we talk a lot, but we're still getting to know each other

[QUOTE=RenegadeCop;51268496]Do you have any hobbies?[/QUOTE] all of my hobbies don't really involve social activity videogames arent a thing in my entire school (they all just know CoD, AC and FIFA) and nobody shares the passion I have for music. MotoGP is probably the most social thing I follow and we both like motorcycles finding stuff to do isnt hard, I can go to my city's website which shows all the events going on

[QUOTE=RenegadeCop;51268519]Hobbies should be something that would get your mind off your infatuation[/QUOTE] oh i totally misunderstood you well I got Ashes of Ariandel to occupy me for quite some time so I guess that's ok while I'm home also gonna focus on getting that driver's license :v:

Been in that boat too many times for the same reasons (fear of rejection/feeling inadequate about myself, etc) For me it always ended up with the person I liked getting asked out by another man, making me feel worse about it all.

I just asked a girl to go to a haunted house with me tonight on campus. I don't know her at all, but we're both in marching band. what the hell do i do :$

[QUOTE=Perman00bJr;51269057]I just asked a girl to go to a haunted house with me tonight on campus. I don't know her at all, but we're both in marching band. what the hell do i do :$[/QUOTE] You go to a haunted house with her on campus.

[QUOTE=Perman00bJr;51269057]I just asked a girl to go to a haunted house with me tonight on campus. I don't know her at all, but we're both in marching band. what the hell do i do :$[/QUOTE] Alright, alright, you're gonna need a roll of gift wrap, a bucket and a Chinese finger trap to get started.

[QUOTE=Perman00bJr;51269057]I just asked a girl to go to a haunted house with me tonight on campus. I don't know her at all, but we're both in marching band. what the hell do i do :$[/QUOTE] Have fun stay chill.before you go out watch a dankest meme compilation to get you laughing and in a good mood. Don't avoid eye contact and don't have expectations beyond having fun. People say be yourself and it's true but be the you that's unhindered, be the you when you are when youre with your mates and you can have a laugh and you don't give a fuck that people look at you funny coz you guys are having a good time

[QUOTE=OvB;51268777]Been in that boat too many times for the same reasons (fear of rejection/feeling inadequate about myself, etc) For me it always ended up with the person I liked getting asked out by another man, making me feel worse about it all.[/QUOTE] I know that feeling Afaik there's only one other guy going after her (my deskmate :v:) but he doesnt stand a chance

[QUOTE=SebiWarrior;51270035]I know that feeling Afaik there's only one other guy going after her (my deskmate :v:) but he doesnt stand a chance[/QUOTE] That's what I thought, too. You fall into a situation of complacency. [I]"Oh well, I'll ask her out next day/class/week"[/I] After all, you're both single and friends,and you've known her for like, a year and you're p tight. So the situations probably not going to get worse, right? Do you really [I]need[/I] to bring the relationship to the next level? Then the next week her and your deskmate are holding hands. Oh... [editline]27th October 2016[/editline] ... and he's also an arrogant, boring, uptight, smart-ass that thinks Tower 7 was brought down in a controlled demolition and you were [I]sure[/I] that he had no chance. But the one thing he did have was the self confidence that you didn't.

[QUOTE=TheBloodyNine;51267340]I know the feeling. On the ride back from bootcamp, my Mom, within an hour of me being back to the real world and trying to feel good for the first time in months, dropped on me that my cat died, she had given my 1,500 dollars in saving to my uncle, and that my uncle had killed himself and the money was gone.[/QUOTE] Not to get too deep into it, but he was basically the only male role model I had during my childhood. He's not officially been diagnosed, but he has a significant lump in this neck/throat, making it difficult to swallow, and he smoked for a good 40 years at least before giving up cold turkey 3 years ago. He literally lives at the other end of the UK to me, I wish I could just drop everything and stop by but it's not an option. He's surely still optimistic about it, but he can't do chemo due to underlying medical problems. The last time I saw him I had my now ex girlfriend with me, which makes it 2 years ago. I'm determined to get down there early in the new year.

[QUOTE=OvB;51270253]That's what I thought, too. You fall into a situation of complacency. [I]"Oh well, I'll ask her out next day/class/week"[/I] After all, you're both single and friends,and you've known her for like, a year and you're p tight. So the situations probably not going to get worse, right? Do you really [I]need[/I] to bring the relationship to the next level? Then the next week her and your deskmate are holding hands. Oh... [editline]27th October 2016[/editline] ... and he's also an arrogant, boring, uptight, smart-ass that thinks Tower 7 was brought down in a controlled demolition and you were [I]sure[/I] that he had no chance. But the one thing he did have was the self confidence that you didn't.[/QUOTE] The two of us are close friends (which makes things more bitter), he has less self confidence that I do. He says he has no chance himself and tbh he's not sociable around girls that said I'm not gonna wait it out because fortune favours the brave, but sometimes you gotta figure out if a certain idea is pushing it too much I wanted to ask her to have lunch with me but that'd be too sudden and maybe too soon, gotta ask number first and then for coffee

[QUOTE=SebiWarrior;51270848]The two of us are close friends (which makes things more bitter), he has less self confidence that I do. He says he has no chance himself and tbh he's not sociable around girls that said I'm not gonna wait it out because fortune favours the brave, but sometimes you gotta figure out if a certain idea is pushing it too much I wanted to ask her to have lunch with me but that'd be too sudden and maybe too soon, gotta ask number first and then for coffee[/QUOTE] Ah well if you two got a mutual understanding then that makes things less competitive I imagine.

[QUOTE=OvB;51271501]Ah well if you two got a mutual understanding then that makes things less competitive I imagine.[/QUOTE] I am kind of afraid to tell him. He doesn't know it's her and unfortunately I don't feel like telling him anytime soon That said if there is competition it won't come from him

The real enemy is the one you can't see [editline]28th October 2016[/editline] Merge pls why

[QUOTE=SebiWarrior;51272367]I am kind of afraid to tell him. He doesn't know it's her and unfortunately I don't feel like telling him anytime soon That said if there is competition it won't come from him[/QUOTE] If you are decent friends at all, something like this shouldn't really push a wedge between you two.

yep always best to discuss and resolve

Started Tinder yesterday, found a match today and really hit it off. Feels good man.

Is it stupid of me to have a tinder where I don't update my profile picture to include one that shows the full area of my face because that way my lack of matches isn't an indictment on my looks I like thinking about the possibility and don't have the confidence to actually initiate a conversation i guess??

The face shot is important because it's the first thing people see when they get you. I have a photoshop of my own face onto a painting, so something creative seems to do the trick. I don't consider myself to be good looking either.

my main picture is of me on stage with slight guitar face going on. I've had a few matches but I've actually exhausted the entirety of girls on tinder in my area. seems impressive, but there's really not that many on it here.

Small update My crush doesn't go on Fb a lot and we only talked in intervals of hours As I asked her if her phone didn't run the Messenger app she spontaneously gave me her phone number :dance::joy::saxout::toot:

the thing i like about not having a face shot is then I can tell myself that people are saying no because i don't have a face shot!! when I lose a couple more kg I'll give it a go for real, or at least that's what I tell myself

[QUOTE=SebiWarrior;51275920]Small update My crush doesn't go on Fb a lot and we only talked in intervals of hours As I asked her if her phone didn't run the Messenger app she spontaneously gave me her phone number :dance::joy::saxout::toot:[/QUOTE] May not mean anything if you guys are friends. That's just how she communicates. But I'm in a similar boat of liking a person without wanting to. And I actually know this person has no interest, which is why I wish I could focus on something else. It's not "love" but its fucking something and I just wish it would stop. Guess I need to find some hobbies. [editline]28th October 2016[/editline] Limerence? Wikipedia says it can take month to years to fade. Hopefully it isn't that long.

Long story short. I have Autism, a sleep disorder which makes me go to sleep 1 hour later each night (If I went to bed at 9 one night, next night would be 10, night after would be 11, then the next would 12 and so on, eventually having me asleep in the day time and awake at night. Non-24 Hour Sleep Wake Disorder is the name), and due to those two (More specifically the sleep disorder), I have had to be homeschooled for nearly 10 years now. I've been going to Youth Group since last year to try and learn how to socialize and while it's been slow I managed to make some new "Friends" (I don't know if they are friends or just people who like to talk to me, I like talking back of course) but I have a problem. When I see a friend talking to another friend, I feel left out, wanting attention and in general, depressed. I have no clue what to do and I have been considering just cutting ties and not going to Youth Group anymore and just staying at home like I used to. I am finding it hard to find things to talk about and finding it hard to relate to them, I can't just talk about Books and Games all day. And I feel left out when they talk about Vehicles, Country town stuff and School, cause I have been pretty much a shut in for the majority of my life. I can't tell when they are being serious and are genuinely upset with me, I am not good with reading body language. I'd talk to them about this but, despite them asking if I want to talk to them when they see I am down, I don't feel they should considering how much of a downer I am, and they aren't therapists. And even if I didn't, it would cause me to get attention, and make me want attention even more. I don't like therapists cause they never worked for me, they just tell me to do weird shit when I am stressed and depressed and in general treat me like a child. So yeah, I don't know what to do.

i wouldn't give up on therapy, i've known many people who have said it never works for them then they find that one therapist that actually helps them. this is coming from someone who works in a psychology centre.

[QUOTE=thrawn2787;51276408]May not mean anything if you guys are friends. That's just how she communicates. But I'm in a similar boat of liking a person without wanting to. And I actually know this person has no interest, which is why I wish I could focus on something else. It's not "love" but its fucking something and I just wish it would stop. Guess I need to find some hobbies. [editline]28th October 2016[/editline] Limerence? Wikipedia says it can take month to years to fade. Hopefully it isn't that long.[/QUOTE] I know but it means something positive, she had the opportunity to keep me at a distance and she didn't so at least I know she appreciates talking to me