Super Friendly Social and Love Advice v8 - Stop spamming her with texts. - General

[QUOTE=The Rifleman;52019028]You have nothing to lose by asking people out[/QUOTE] I won't even make a tinder because 1 I have no facebook/ photos and 2 When I eventually mess up every convo with every girl on campus, all the girls will recognize me as that guy who failed to woo them and i'd rather just not be known

[QUOTE=Zombinie;52019085]I won't even make a tinder because 1 I have no facebook/ photos and 2 When I eventually mess up every convo with every girl on campus, all the girls will recognize me as that guy who failed to woo them and i'd rather just not be known[/QUOTE] Let me tell you that people have terrible memories. I've seen girls come back from having their sextapes leaked online by angry exes and circulated across campus. Nobody gave a shit then. Having said that, if you ask [I]every[/I] girl on campus and strike out 100% of the time, there are greater problems at play than them remembering you as a weirdo. There are so many fucking people on this planet that you will likely not run into an even remotely significant number of them in your lifetime. There really is nothing to lose, even if you were an assface to one or two of them, or had spinach in your teeth and a bit of tissue paper stuck to your shoe when trying to flirt with a third. Nobody cares as much as you think they do. When you realize this, it's both depressing and such a goddamn relief.

[QUOTE=Zombinie;52019085] 2 When I eventually mess up every convo with every girl on campus, all the girls will recognize me as that guy who failed to woo them and i'd rather just not be known[/QUOTE] Bullshit. If they're not interested, they'll forget about you within a week.

[QUOTE=Zombinie;52019085]I won't even make a tinder because 1 I have no facebook/ photos and 2 When I eventually mess up every convo with every girl on campus, all the girls will recognize me as that guy who failed to woo them and i'd rather just not be known[/QUOTE] there's an unspoken rule of tinder/yikyak on campuses generally what happens in the app stays in the app

I stopped using Yikyak when it became a place for people to announce parties and then subsequently have them broken up by the police when too many people came.

[QUOTE=Pascall;52019266]I stopped using Yikyak when it became a place for people to announce parties and then subsequently have them broken up by the police when too many people came.[/QUOTE] Yik Yak is weird at my campus. I took a look just now and it looks like a bunch of college kids trying too hard to be funny.

I've literally never heard of YikYak until the posts above me

Think the European equivalent is Jodel. :editline: Also, general social advice to all: Love yourself before attempting to love another. This advice was inspired somewhat (but not entirely) by this video: [media]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0waMV_4Fc9s[/media]

I don't know if I entirely agree with the way this video words things. The narrator talks about how we "have to be happy with many years of solitude." We are mammals. Being unhappy with "solitude" is a completely normal thing. I would say it's healthy. All of us need relationships in our life. However, we can fulfill that need through close friendships and relationships with family. The issue is when we rely too heavily on one person, whether it's a romantic partner or a single friend or relative.

If I'm alone for too long I go insane. I need social interaction.

[QUOTE=RenegadeCop;52021077]I'd argue that if you [I]have[/I] to rely super heavily on anyone, it should be yourself. Yourself is the most consistent thing that will ever be present in your life. Also, unrelated, but does anyone else love good acquaintanceships? You see each other and expect nothing but a friendly, casual disposition. There are no obligations, and it is just relaxing and pleasant.[/QUOTE] I have different squads I run with with different expectations. School friends, hometown crew, videogame crew, FP crew, etc. Love all of them.

[QUOTE=RenegadeCop;52021077]I'd argue that if you [I]have[/I] to rely super heavily on anyone, it should be yourself.[/QUOTE] Healthy relationships are a key factor in having high self esteem. It is completely normal and common for people to need relational stability to feel okay with themselves. I'm honestly sick of this idea that videos like this perpetuate that you don't deserve a relationship if you're not already happy being alone. The idea that humans should be happy without any form of intimacy (romantic or otherwise) is just plain wrong. Being "happily single" does not mean being happy socially isolated. They are two super different things. Instead of telling people "if you're not already happy being single, you're failing at life", and making people who already have low self-esteem feel like they don't deserve to be socially accepted, maybe we should encourage people to focus on fostering healthy relationships as well as romantic ones. [editline]27th March 2017[/editline] Like, how backwards is it to tell someone who's lonely that the only solution is to isolate themselves even more?

[QUOTE=RenegadeCop;52021123]I think when people say that you should be "happily single" (I'm guilty of it), there is a lot of sub-context. Essentially, it isn't a fully thought out phrase. Like, have stable friendships. Don't dump all of your emotional problems unto your significant other. Have the ability to function without relying 100% the person you're dating. Have hobbies. Have ways alternate ways to be happy other than a single relationship. Because if you don't have alternate ways to be happy, it will show and put strain on the relationship. I suppose a better phrase would be "be emotionally stable and secure"?[/QUOTE] This I can agree with. My original complaint was about the video's narrator using the words "single" and "alone" synonymously. He even says in the video that we have to get used to "being alone for a very long time", which is just awful. You don't need a romantic partner to have companionship and be surrounded with deeply meaningful relationships. A lot of people seek out romantic relationships because they feel like this is the only way to satisfy that basic need for intimacy. I just think there should be more emphasis on the idea that you don't need to be fucking to have a meaningful intimate relationship with someone. Right now people tend to talk about platonic relationships with friends and family like they're a consolation prize for single people.

[QUOTE=RenegadeCop;52021144]I remember once, I spent an entire fall break at home. I only texted people. I never hung out or played games with them. Family worked and sister was still in school. I was really sad by the end of it due to the sheer lack of meaningful social interaction. I thought I needed that break because I was so stressed that semester. But it just made me realize how important my friends are to me.[/QUOTE] I'm the same. I just had my week long spring break and I was the only one home cause mine didn't match up with my friends, and after 2 or 3 days, it was just depressing sitting around the house all day without anyone to go out with. Vacations can suck man.

[QUOTE=RenegadeCop;52021077]I'd argue that if you [I]have[/I] to rely super heavily on anyone, it should be yourself. Yourself is the most consistent thing that will ever be present in your life. Also, unrelated, but does anyone else love good acquaintanceships? You see each other and expect nothing but a friendly, casual disposition. There are no obligations, and it is just relaxing and pleasant.[/QUOTE] There's these people in my English class who come up to me sometimes and talk to me. I enjoy their company, but I'm embarrassed to say I don't even remember their names! Had some other good acquaintances back in community college, all of them middle-aged, who included a redneck from San Diego, a female database programmer, and a former teacher turned nurse. All of them were very wise and gave me advice on things.

[QUOTE=RenegadeCop;52021144]I remember once, I spent an entire fall break at home. I only texted people. I never hung out or played games with them. Family worked and sister was still in school. I was really sad by the end of it due to the sheer lack of meaningful social interaction. I thought I needed that break because I was so stressed that semester. But it just made me realize how important my friends are to me.[/QUOTE] I feel this way on the weekends here at college. I've come to dislike and feel sad on the weekends because I don't really know anyone and have nobody to hang out with here. I see everyone going out and I'm stuck by myself. During the week I'm much happier because I'm in class with people. Even if I don't talk to them, just being around them makes me feel better. It's hard making new friends when I'm used to being around people I've known for years.

[QUOTE=The Rifleman;52021161]I'm the same. I just had my week long spring break and I was the only one home cause mine didn't match up with my friends, and after 2 or 3 days, it was just depressing sitting around the house all day without anyone to go out with. Vacations can suck man.[/QUOTE] Tell me about it, I'm currently unemployed and the few friends that I have (that I don't talk to much as I'd like) all have jobs so I essentially go for weeks at a time stuck at home because no money and no job. The past 3ish months have been the loneliest in my entire life. It's depressing as fuck Most of my social interaction comes from going on discord with people on the other side of the world. I used to be okay with it while I was still in school and tafe/community college/technical school/whatever the fuck the non-Aus equivalent is but that's because I still saw people several times a week.

Sometimes for me is really hard to describe why I want a romantic relationship so badly. I think is mostly because I just want to experience what other people have when they talk about their boyfriend,husband,wife or whatever you call it. I honestly don't even care all that much about the sexual aspect. I just want to be able to say I treasure someone in a romantic level without feeling like the whole thing is one sided or where the other person is just platonic about the whole thing. I'm happy by myself and all that jazz but sometimes that doesn't really cut it. People need that excitement that new experiences brings even if those new experiences aren't anything new to other people.

[QUOTE=SoftHearted;52021299]Sometimes for me is really hard to describe why I want a romantic relationship so badly. I think is mostly because I just want to experience what other people have when they talk about their boyfriend,husband,wife or whatever you call it. I honestly don't even care all that much about the sexual aspect. I just want to be able to say I treasure someone in a romantic level without feeling like the whole thing is one sided or where the other person is just platonic about the whole thing. I'm happy by myself and all that jazz but sometimes that doesn't really cut it. People need that excitement that new experiences brings even if those new experiences aren't anything new to other people.[/QUOTE] I think on a fundamental level it boils down a few things: a) [B]Wanting to have a part of yourself to share with another person you love and be comfortable being vulnerable with.[/B] Putting up walls for everyone to protect yourself is like permanently holding your shield up in a thick suit of armor; it gets tiring. b) [B]Being able to put someone else's needs before your own is so goddamn liberating.[/B] For once, you don't need to be selfish or constantly be thinking about your own needs, you need to be mindful of someone else's and that takes a load of pressure off you. c) [B]Just....social interaction and having someone to do that with on a regular basis, anywhere and at anytime can help you deal with problems. [/B]You need someone to vent to? Solved. It also keeps things productive. If I was single and I felt terrible (and I am), beer and video games it is. What a fucking terrible waste of time that has me wallowing in self loathing for hours afterwards. On the other hand, quickly venting it to someone, letting them blow off some steam too and that's it; you're off doing something else. You can do that only so much with friends before they avoid you like the plague for being a debbie downer, but the tolerance thresshold for an SO is significantly higher, because they get it and it's an open enough environment for them to reciprocate without feeling terrible. d)[B]Then of course, there's the sex thing.[/B] Well, not really the sex thing, but more importantly, the power of touch. Physical contact in general can do a world of good and studies have shown that it actually does have psychological benefits, too. So while not necessarily about sex (although that's awesome if you both have matching sex drives), the touch aspect is actually pretty huge. I like being single and am perfectly fine with the status quo. My life is in a state of flux right now and I need to prepare to move to another country, so getting into a relationship with anyone in either country is pretty much unfair to them, so it can't be serious. But these are the aspects I miss from being in relationships.

I had a really bad falling out recently with my ex and today was the first day I got like 8 hours of work done, went to all my classes, had a great workout and biked back a mile and a half in the rain. Only up from here fellas. No zero days. "No Zero Days" has helped me through the toughest times: [url]https://www.reddit.com/r/getdisciplined/comments/1q96b5/i_just_dont_care_about_myself/cdah4af/[/url]

[QUOTE=SoftHearted;52021299]Sometimes for me is really hard to describe why I want a romantic relationship so badly. I think is mostly because I just want to experience what other people have when they talk about their boyfriend,husband,wife or whatever you call it. I honestly don't even care all that much about the sexual aspect. I just want to be able to say I treasure someone in a romantic level without feeling like the whole thing is one sided or where the other person is just platonic about the whole thing. I'm happy by myself and all that jazz but sometimes that doesn't really cut it. People need that excitement that new experiences brings even if those new experiences aren't anything new to other people.[/QUOTE] I have known my best friend for 9 years and we still talk every day. Even when I was with my ex, who I lived with for two years, we eventually ran out of stuff to talk about. My best friend and I never seem to run out of things to say to each other and we still find ways to surprise each other with things the other didn't know. I honestly have no real desire for a romantic partner right now just because I already have a level of security and intimacy in my friendships that I have never had in a romantic relationship. I've never been able to talk to a romantic partner and have them be brutally honest with me about my own flaws and not be stressed out about it/worry it was going to impact our relationship. It's really hard to find something permanent like that when romance is involved.

I would like to be in a relationship again. It's a nice feeling. The girl I've been talking to has me really interested in her. I worry about getting hurt again but I try to not let that stop me from trying with her.

[QUOTE=Crpto2007;52022184]I would like to be in a relationship again. It's a nice feeling. The girl I've been talking to has me really interested in her. I worry about getting hurt again but I try to not let that stop me from trying with her.[/QUOTE] Some very devastating piece of real talk from one of my favorite shows: [video=youtube;X33wrW1sboA]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X33wrW1sboA[/video]

[QUOTE=snookypookums;52021763] b) [B]Being able to put someone else's needs before your own is so goddamn liberating.[/B] For once, you don't need to be selfish or constantly be thinking about your own needs, you need to be mindful of someone else's and that takes a load of pressure off you. [/QUOTE] How is this liberating? If you were now in a long term relationship and you want to move to another country you'd have your relationship stopping you, and you wouldn't be able to do what's best for you in peace. Putting someone else's needs before your own is such an extra burden even on everyday life, I don't think is something that one should ever do, much less wish for it.

[QUOTE=SoftHearted;52021299]Sometimes for me is really hard to describe why I want a romantic relationship so badly. I think is mostly because I just want to experience what other people have when they talk about their boyfriend,husband,wife or whatever you call it. I honestly don't even care all that much about the sexual aspect. I just want to be able to say I treasure someone in a romantic level without feeling like the whole thing is one sided or where the other person is just platonic about the whole thing. I'm happy by myself and all that jazz but sometimes that doesn't really cut it. People need that excitement that new experiences brings even if those new experiences aren't anything new to other people.[/QUOTE] For me, it's the intimacy I long for, and being able to be alone without having to be by myself.

[QUOTE=Cosa8888;52022779]How is this liberating? If you were now in a long term relationship and you want to move to another country you'd have your relationship stopping you, and you wouldn't be able to do what's best for you in peace. Putting someone else's needs before your own is such an extra burden even on everyday life, I don't think is something that one should ever do, much less wish for it.[/QUOTE] I dont disagree and you have a point from your perspective. It maybe a poor choice of words on my part - From my perspective, I meant it from the point of view of having someone else to make happy. A sort of...point of positive focus, so that no matter how craptastic your life is at that moment, you get to go "Well, today was a shitty day, but X has been really wanting to have dinner out this week, so lets go do that!" You could do that for yourself too, to be honest. I guess Im the sort of person who takes a sort of unusual extra enjoyment out of making other people happy too. For just the briefest of moments, it allows me to not be as self-involved and aware of my own problems and I get to have a happy moment with my partner. I hope that sorta makes sense about where I was coming from with that comment.

-snip- IM FUCKING NUTS

I'm going to try Tinder again, any tips for a good profile?

[QUOTE=Ctrl;52023737]I'm going to try Tinder again, any tips for a good profile?[/QUOTE] dick pics

I gotta get off Tinder, my Snapchat is getting messy.