Super Friendly Social and Love Advice v8 - Stop spamming her with texts. - General

Woman who friendzoned me wants to meet again. Told her I would give her another chance if my date on Friday doesn't work out. Now she's trying to make me feel bad for making her a boring second choice 😂

[QUOTE=farmatyr;52059694]Woman who friendzoned me wants to meet again. Told her I would give her another chance if my date on Friday doesn't work out. Now she's trying to make me feel bad for making her a boring second choice 😂[/QUOTE] yeah women tend to do that. cunts. glad im single again and just chilling.

Felt like updating you guys on my ridiculous situation from before, but first I wanted to say thanks to everyone who offered it advice, it really helped. With the girl I hooked up with being a close friend of my ex, it became a big fight that this girl betrayed my ex's trust and that they are for the time being no longer friends. I definitely feel guilty for causing this, but I really did like spending time with this girl, but now I feel like there's no continuing this friends-with-benefits because I inadvertently ruined their friendship and everyone now feels like shit. I feel like for the first time I acted selfishly to feel happy, and yet I get my emotional ass handed to me. Whats' even more confusing is that I only smoke cigarettes when under a lot of stress, and I finished my last one earlier today, but in the middle of it a friend of mine had miraculously picked some up for me without even knowing the situation. Why is the world so confusing.

[QUOTE=huntingrifle;52059908]Felt like updating you guys on my ridiculous situation from before, but first I wanted to say thanks to everyone who offered it advice, it really helped. With the girl I hooked up with being a close friend of my ex, it became a big fight that this girl betrayed my ex's trust and that they are for the time being no longer friends. I definitely feel guilty for causing this, but I really did like spending time with this girl, but now I feel like there's no continuing this friends-with-benefits because I inadvertently ruined their friendship and everyone now feels like shit. I feel like for the first time I acted selfishly to feel happy, and yet I get my emotional ass handed to me. Whats' even more confusing is that I only smoke cigarettes when under a lot of stress, and I finished my last one earlier today, but in the middle of it a friend of mine had miraculously picked some up for me without even knowing the situation. Why is the world so confusing.[/QUOTE] I honestly don't think you did the wrong thing man. As soon as you broke up and all that shit happened, you're a free man to see and bang who you want. Her friend made the choice to see you and you were happy seeing her, so fuck your ex. I'm sorry it ended up how it did, but don't place the blame or burden on yourself.

[QUOTE=snookypookums;52056048]This is going to sting, so I apologize in advance. I've known many, many people in my friends circle who have done exactly what you're thinking of doing. They never wound up back together again because the girl/guy did find out that there were people out there who were better/different than from their newly ex-partner that scratched an itch they couldn't vocalize for many years because they were quite comfy in a familiar relationship. The choice is up to you, but if your girlfriend's happiness with this relationship revolves around being with you, that's not entirely healthy and something is deeply wrong there. A relationship with you should be just one facet of her personality and if it's keeping her happy, that sort of thing translates to other facets as well. FOMO is a valid excuse, but doesn't hold up against maintaining a relationship that's 3.5 years old. I think you need to have a talk with her about why she feels unhappy when you're not around and then decide what you want to do, because realistically, you can't be around all the time as you grow older for someone to be fulfilled by a relationship. Ignoring that is just setting yourself for either one of you to have a lapse in judgement and cheat - whether emotionally or physically - and that's a helluva lot more devastating than having a difficult conversation now to nip this in the bud.[/QUOTE] I was in the exact same situation as that guy and the girl ended up cheating on me, not out of unhappiness with me, just that urge to see what was out there grew too great and she thought she could have her cake and eat it too. It's a shitty situation to be in, since there's no real "best" way to go about things other than cutting your partner loose and hoping you're actually as great as you think you are.

[QUOTE=MaverickIB;52060012]I was in the exact same situation as that guy and the girl ended up cheating on me, not out of unhappiness with me, just that urge to see what was out there grew too great and she thought she could have her cake and eat it too. It's a shitty situation to be in, since there's no real "best" way to go about things other than cutting your partner loose and hoping you're actually as great as you think you are.[/QUOTE] You're all awesome and great in my book, I love ya'll.

what do you guys do when there are simultaneously multiple girls you want to ask out?

[QUOTE=danjee;52060626]what do you guys do when there are simultaneously multiple girls you want to ask out?[/QUOTE] You ask them all out based on priority of how attracted to them you are.

[QUOTE=snookypookums;52060631]You ask them all out based on priority of how attracted to them you are.[/QUOTE] I can pros and cons list them but I can't rank them

I wanna be ballsy for the next week and just ask girls out after a bit of small talk rather than dragging it out over tinder and text. I'm sick of shit over text I need more in person female interactions.

[QUOTE=Kabstrac;52060768]depends on how you're associated with them. If, for example, they are all classmates or something where there is social risk, then you're gonna have to choose one to focus on for the time being. If they're like girls from tinder or something then ask them all out, it's what I've done at least.[/QUOTE] one's from class one's from work :downs:

[QUOTE=danjee;52061022]one's from class one's from work :downs:[/QUOTE] Work first, you see them more daily than you would in class I imagine.

[QUOTE=OvB;52058638]How long before I see youtube ad's of Farmatyr's quick tip to get laid in one easy step?[/QUOTE] THIS GUY IS GETTING MAD PUSSY AND BASICALLY YOU'RE A FUCKING IDIOT

[QUOTE=Kabstrac;52061087]Then work I guess idk. It's up to you dude. I know a lot of people will go all "don't shit where you eat" but I've seen a lot of work started relationships go fine, just be mature about it if it doesn't work out[/QUOTE] I ate where I shat twice so far and both times was absolutely horrible idea. Won't happen again for me.

[QUOTE=Kabstrac;52061087]Then work I guess idk. It's up to you dude. I know a lot of people will go all "don't shit where you eat" but I've seen a lot of work started relationships go fine, just be mature about it if it doesn't work out[/QUOTE] I mean, it's a popular saying for a reason, but the penis wants what the penis wants.:v: Ultimately, if things go a bit pear-shaped, having to endure speaking to someone you work with and try to rewind your "access privileges" as it were is ridiculously hard. It's like working on a PC with administrator mode one day, sudo'ing all the things and then the next day you're a standard user who has permission to nothing. It's easier to endure when you don't get to see the person anymore, but when you have to work with said person? Shit's hard. I guess that's the underlying philosophy about the whole "Don't dip your pen in the company ink" situation - it affects you more than it has to personally, which means that it can and will affect your productivity, which means that now your personal problem is the company's problem.

[QUOTE=Kirbyfactor;52057075]Time to leave her alone and move on man. It's gonna suck, it's gonna be hard. But in the end it'll be better for you.[/QUOTE] I feel like I've reached a plateau. I haven't improved at all. Knowing myself, I feel like this is the one thing in life I'm never going to get over. I don't know what to do anymore.

[QUOTE=GURREN LAGANN;52061123]I feel like I've reached a plateau. I haven't improved at all. Knowing myself, I feel like this is the one thing in life I'm never going to get over. I don't know what to do anymore.[/QUOTE] Look man, I'm gonna geuss you're around 25. 30 at oldest. Let's say you're going to live to be 80, that's atleast 50 years of life you've got left. Do you really think that in a total of 50 years you'll never improve? That you'll never find someone to love? Eventually you'll move on. But till then, it's going to be hard and it's going to suck. That's just how it was. But there's sunshine after the rain. Keep your head up, go to the gym, dive into your work or school, or find a new hobby to invest yourself in. The worst thing you can do at the moment is sit still and wallow in your sadness

[QUOTE=The Rifleman;52060866]I wanna be ballsy for the next week and just ask girls out after a bit of small talk rather than dragging it out over tinder and text. I'm sick of shit over text I need more in person female interactions.[/QUOTE] Ikr For this reason I actually said byebye to a girl I was chatting with whom I believe was into me I don't think I can reappear out of nowhere and start talking to her again, also because if I did it'd be only because I'm desperate, so I'm not going to

[QUOTE=Kabstrac;52061087]Then work I guess idk. It's up to you dude. I know a lot of people will go all "don't shit where you eat" but I've seen a lot of work started relationships go fine, just be mature about it if it doesn't work out[/QUOTE] Last time I liked a girl from my class, she ended up developing a grudge on me. I didn't even do anything or go out of my way. She just ended up noticing and instantly hated me for it. And everyday was hell when she was around. Yeah, definitely not doing that again. I'm in a new class now and I enjoy not being hated for stuff like this.

Hey guys! I feel like I am in love with this girl but the only interaction I've had with her is staring at her through her window. I know she loves me too. What do you recommend?

[QUOTE=MrCanada;52061697]Hey guys! I feel like I am in love with this girl but the only interaction I've had with her is staring at her through her window. I know she loves me too. What do you recommend?[/QUOTE] what

[QUOTE=Araknid;52061719]what[/QUOTE] Maybe I wasn't clear enough the first time. What do you recommend I do with this girl that I am in love with and I know she loves me too?

[QUOTE=Araknid;52061719]what[/QUOTE] don't feed the troll

[QUOTE=blacksam;51479868]So back in July my ex broke up with me. We go for a month without really talking to each other and then school started at the end of August and we hit it off again. We haven't been physically involved, but we're emotionally close and that's what is eating at me lately. Back then I asked why she didn't want to start "dating" and she said it was because I might potentially leave in a year because I don't want to stay in Ohio anymore after I graduate Fall 2017. That would crush her. We hangout throughout entire semester, calling and texting each other when we're not together. We share a lot of the same views, both make each other laugh, and are really good friends for each other. That's the problem though. Lately, I don't feel this anymore. Not because of the lack of physical, but because she drinks. And when she drinks, she tells me things she wouldn't sober like that she loves me. We go to her friend's wedding, she gets drunk, we dance, and she kisses me. I leave the venue a little while after to go back to my hotel room because I don't handle alcohol well. She comes into my room because I gave her a key. She starts crying to me about how she wishes wasn't so emotionally damaged. We lie there cuddling for the rest of the night. This is sort of the routine though, she talks about how I am different from all the other people she's dated or been friends with. I listen and I take care of her by reminding her that everything is going to be okay. She goes through a bottle of wine by herself in a little over 3 days. Her rum doesn't last as long. She's responsible with her money. She never over does drinking to the point of blackout and/or vomiting. She says she drinks to feel emotion and that her birth control she takes for her PMDD makes her feel nothing. When I asked her yesterday if she remembers kissing me or saying she loved me at the wedding she said she doesn't remember. I feel like her memory isn't that great either... she soberly said,"Oh yeah, you're from New York City, do you miss it?" I. uh. what. I've never been to NYC. And I explained that to her and she said," Oh my mistake. My memory is pretty garbage." We go out for dinner the other night and she says that we're sort of kind of dating, but that she doesn't want to do anything until she gets her medication right, perhaps an anti-anxiety/depressant drug for when her benefits kick in January at her technical writing co-op turned job. I like her, but it feels like I am being used as her emotional crutch. We originally broke up because she said the label of girlfriend stressed her out and I reminded her of that when she brought up that we could date again. "It will be different because I'll have the right medication." I keep telling her that maybe a therapist would be good too because she clearly needs more help than medication and myself can provide. I know I need to talk to her about what this is. I'm waiting until after finals are over next week. I feel like this isn't healthy for me, but I don't want her to not get better. What do I do?[/QUOTE] Flash forward to now, she asks me if she can have guy friends. I said I wouldn't care because she says we're not dating and even if we were I wouldn't care because it's kinda shitty to have no trust in a relationship. So I hit her with the "what are we doing here" she says she loves me, but not physically because she didn't feel any sparks when we were dating originally. I feel like it's my fault, but at the same time, it's not? I've been called by her everything from best friend to soulmate. She also said she was more jealous of the fact that I have friends that I talk so highly about, that I don't hate myself like she hates herself, and on and on about all the things that RNG has provided me. Last night her phone gets multiple texts from this dude, I said jokingly unbeknownst who it is,"whoa you're popular" and then she reveals that she's been hanging out with this guy friend, but isn't attracted to him. A month ago she told me she went to see Get Out by herself, but apparently she went out as a friend with this guy and was worried I'd freak out because"other boyfriends would". I can't be given her expectations for what a boyfriend is and not have the label with it. Pretty much fucked up my self-esteem by saying things like "I'm not attracted to you". She said she doesn't want to hurt me, and honestly the more I look at literally every interaction I've been having for the past year with her I feel like I've been getting major vibes of that she uses me as her emotional crutch then leaves me when it's convenient to her. I pickup when she calls about hating work/life. I call the Uber when she's drunk. I help figure out her life, but every time I need something like that I'm just being "silly" or "things will get better:)". When I don't call/text until the end of the day because I'm so busy with work and school, she asks if she did something wrong. But when she does this to me, I just get "oh sorry lol I was taking a nap" or "sorry I wasn't looking at my phone". Yeah ok, when you're with me whenever you get a notification you check it right away, even if it's in the next room. God. I know I have to stop this, but I truly did love how we would talk and make each other laugh and learn something new. I loved hearing her say,"every time I call you, you make me feel better." But these are things that aren't exclusive to her. I know I could try Tinder and be okay. I feel like shit though because I want her to get over her depression and I want her to have the confidence she has when we debate each other. I can't be friends with her to the same extent we are now because I can't separate us as something more and at the same time she won't be anything more than soulmates. It's not fair to either of us. Really this is for myself, but comments are appreciated because I don't know if this will go anywhere if we continue down this road.

You need to get that out of that "friendship". It's very clear ashes using you and the guy friends are going to escalate to more cause it always does and then she'll toss you aside. Just look out for yourself and cut her off or distance yourself.

spent last thursday party with a girl i met there all night. Met her yesterday to give her some id she forgot. i had to run, so after talking and joking a bit: me: "hey..." her: "yes?" me: "..." her: "..what? (smiles)" me: "(smile like an idiot with a confused face) you wouldnt want to go out some day, right?" her: "yeah...yeah i would" me: "cool, we could go climb a hill, or ice-skating" her: "you live near "el panul" right?" me: "yeah! we could hike that" her: "sounds good" (smiling) me: "cool!"

[QUOTE=blacksam;52062033]She said she doesn't want to hurt me, and honestly the more I look at literally every interaction I've been having for the past year with her I feel like I've been getting major vibes of that she uses me as her emotional crutch then leaves me when it's convenient to her. I pickup when she calls about hating work/life. I call the Uber when she's drunk. I help figure out her life, but every time I need something like that I'm just being "silly" or "things will get better:)". When I don't call/text until the end of the day because I'm so busy with work and school, she asks if she did something wrong. But when she does this to me, I just get "oh sorry lol I was taking a nap" or "sorry I wasn't looking at my phone". Yeah ok, when you're with me whenever you get a notification you check it right away, even if it's in the next room.[/QUOTE] I have/had a friend just like that. I'm not sure if "have" is the right word because I just kind of silently stopped talking to her around the beginning of February, and she hasn't tried to contact me either. "Emotional vampire" comes to mind. We were friends for a couple years, but I eventually came to realize that we historically had this problem where I was always willing to listen and talk about any problem she was going through, big or small, but when the time came that I was going through problems, she would just shut down, giving minimal responses, cutting the conversation short, or flat-out telling me she doesn't want to talk about whatever hard times I'm going through. And it's not like it was a constant thing on my part. I really tried to keep it to a minimum, mostly BECAUSE of what a negative response it got out of her. I realized through this that I don't really need this kind of friend in my life. Maybe part of it is my fault for EXPECTING her to be that dependable of a friend when she's not really capable of it, but I won't hesitate to say that part of it is her fault for just being a crummy person.

[QUOTE=blacksam;52062033] I can't be friends with her to the same extent we are now because I can't separate us as something more and at the same time she won't be anything more than soulmates. It's not fair to either of us. Really this is for myself, but comments are appreciated because I don't know if this will go anywhere if we continue down this road.[/QUOTE] She finds it convenient and safe to be with you until "that dude" arrives with whom she will feel the sparks. Be a wise man and invest your time somewhere else. Don't expect her to change suddenly. You are not obliged to be her emotional support. Just do normal talks and slowly make a course correction out of her life. Break away before she leaves you stranded.

[QUOTE=Loofiloo;52062411]I have/had a friend just like that. I'm not sure if "have" is the right word because I just kind of silently stopped talking to her around the beginning of February, and she hasn't tried to contact me either. "[B]Emotional vampire[/B]" comes to mind. We were friends for a couple years, but I eventually came to realize that we historically had this problem where I was always willing to listen and talk about any problem she was going through, big or small, but when the time came that I was going through problems, she would just shut down, giving minimal responses, cutting the conversation short, or flat-out telling me she doesn't want to talk about whatever hard times I'm going through. And it's not like it was a constant thing on my part. I really tried to keep it to a minimum, mostly BECAUSE of what a negative response it got out of her. I realized through this that I don't really need this kind of friend in my life. Maybe part of it is my fault for EXPECTING her to be that dependable of a friend when she's not really capable of it, but I won't hesitate to say that part of it is her fault for just being a crummy person.[/QUOTE] Emotional vampire is definitely the right phrase. It's weird because I don't feel ill-will towards her, just this numbness after we get off the phone or we leave each other after hanging-out. Like this massive lump in my throat would just appear. Last night she explained to me that the friend-zone doesn't exist and that I'm making this a bigger deal than it is, but it's nothing to do with "friend-zone", I didn't even mention it, it's about being emotionally drained after everything and feeling worthless about myself because she's user friendly. She asked if I would do same things for my other friends that I do with her and I said I do already, but my friends don't guilt trip me and say I'm their only friend. This is what absolutely sucks too, I [I]want to be[/I] there for her, but it's really hard to be with someone who isn't willing to put forth the effort in being there for me. I know I have to cut this off. It's just hard to do it, but I know the longer I wait for this the more this will hurt later.

[QUOTE=MaverickIB;52051665]Or she just got bored. Sometimes people do the whole flirting or whatever thing just because they want something to do. I know guys with girlfriends/wives who still have Tinder or whatever, swipe for matches, and chat up random girls. They talk about going on dates or whatever and all that jazz, but in reality, have zero intention of ever doing anything with it. It's just a game to play when they're bored. She might not have really ever wanted to go out with you, but you were someone who could hold a conversation so she kept you on the hook for a while just as a way to burn time when she's bored or whatever.[/QUOTE] I had the same thing happen about a month ago. There was a girl that just flirted with me and I flirted back and all this stuff but then I found out she didn't actually want me and claimed to flirt with anyone, and that I actually wanted her so she blocked me. She said she'd go into a relationship if we met up which I actually believed because I'm an idiot. The day that happened, I was confident enough to actually talk to my college crush and it was the perfect opportunity but that flirting shit happened and all my confidence went down the drain over it. Now I honestly doubt I'll get the same opportunity again as it's not happened yet and there's only a few weeks left of college before the end of the academic year. Unless I end up popping up to this college crush on facebook messenger out of the open, as we both have eachother on there?