Super Friendly Social and Love Advice v8 - Stop spamming her with texts. - General

I like the term "Emotional Blackmailer" better but vampire fits right in too.

[QUOTE=SoftHearted;52062802]I like the term "Emotional Blackmailer" better but vampire fits right in too.[/QUOTE] Blackmail implies they know they're doing it. In some cases people don't even realize they are that way/doing the things they are doing.

[QUOTE=The Rifleman;52062892]Blackmail implies they know they're doing it. In some cases people don't even realize they are that way/doing the things they are doing.[/QUOTE] Agree with that. It's so normal for them they don't think it is not normal to do so.

[QUOTE=The Rifleman;52061095]I ate where I shat twice so far and both times was absolutely horrible idea. Won't happen again for me.[/QUOTE] Seconding this. Done it thrice and it's always ended poorly. One was my fault because I was an idiot once upon a time and she was engaged but the other two were just genuinely bad outcomes directly related to the fact we worked together.

I think it's time to stop going after this girl. If you want the TLDR writeup: friends with a girl, she's in a bad LDR, she tells me she likes me, and after breaking up with her BF we hang out a bunch and do couple shit and I'm loving it. Obviously I was just a rebound but at the time I didn't realize it b/c it was great. Now from the start she was saying she needs to take things slow and needs to figure out her feelings, but more recently it seems like she's not looking to date anyone for a while and she might not be that interested in me. Obviously I feel shitty but I really do like her, and I at least want to stay friends with her, but I'm thinking the best course of action will be to stay a friend and wait and see what happens. I'm trying really hard not to try and force anything like asking her over for dinner, etc. because I have a feeling the only thing that will do is drive her away. Thoughts or opinions? At the end of the day if she's not interested in me anymore there's nothing I can do, but saying that doesn't make it feel any better. I guess I'll just wait and see what happens.

[QUOTE=papkee;52063953]I think it's time to stop going after this girl. If you want the TLDR writeup: friends with a girl, she's in a bad LDR, she tells me she likes me, and after breaking up with her BF we hang out a bunch and do couple shit and I'm loving it. Obviously I was just a rebound but at the time I didn't realize it b/c it was great. Now from the start she was saying she needs to take things slow and needs to figure out her feelings, but more recently it seems like she's not looking to date anyone for a while and she might not be that interested in me. Obviously I feel shitty but I really do like her, and I at least want to stay friends with her, but I'm thinking the best course of action will be to stay a friend and wait and see what happens. I'm trying really hard not to try and force anything like asking her over for dinner, etc. because I have a feeling the only thing that will do is drive her away. Thoughts or opinions? At the end of the day if she's not interested in me anymore there's nothing I can do, but saying that doesn't make it feel any better. I guess I'll just wait and see what happens.[/QUOTE] You can try to stay friends with her but if you find yourself still having a lot of feelings, or pretty much keeping things in for her, it's not healthy. At that point just tell her straight up "look I really like you, are we going to be a thing or no?" and if not you should walk away. But if you can control it and just stay friends that's cool too man.

[QUOTE=The Rifleman;52063981]You can try to stay friends with her but if you find yourself still having a lot of feelings, or pretty much keeping things in for her, it's not healthy. At that point just tell her straight up "look I really like you, are we going to be a thing or no?" and if not you should walk away. But if you can control it and just stay friends that's cool too man.[/QUOTE] Yeah I'm trying hard to just go with the flow right now. She's too awesome of a friend to lose and I have a feeling if I just straight up gave her an ultimatum like that she'd be done with me altogether. Idk we had some fun either way, and I want to do more of that, but again if she's not interested then there's nothing I can do.

So I ended things with my gf, it ended pretty good. But the last time I broke up with someone, I felt that a very heavy weight was lifted off my shoulders, but now, I feel guilt for hurting a girl that felt a lot of things for me and maybe not trying hard enough. She had this problem that when she felt down she would push everyone away and hurt them in the act. And let me tell you, that fucking sucks. I know she felt like a bother, and maybe that's why I feel guilty, she has problems that I can't understand that cause her to hurt me, and I abandoned her because of something she couldn't control.

[QUOTE=Cosa8888;52064352]So I ended things with my gf, it ended pretty good. But the last time I broke up with someone, I felt that a very heavy weight was lifted off my shoulders, but now, I feel guilt for hurting a girl that felt a lot of things for me and maybe not trying hard enough. She had this problem that when she felt down she would push everyone away and hurt them in the act. And let me tell you, that fucking sucks. I know she felt like a bother, and maybe that's why I feel guilty, she has problems that I can't understand that cause her to hurt me, and I abandoned her because of something she couldn't control.[/QUOTE] Pushing people away is an issue you kind of have to face head on by yourself. It also tends to get better the older you are. I don't think you should feel bad. You can't help the way you feel like she can't control the way she feels. You just have to do what is best for you sometimes.

[QUOTE=The Rifleman;52061095]I ate where I shat twice so far and both times was absolutely horrible idea. Won't happen again for me.[/QUOTE] [QUOTE=Levelog;52063596]Seconding this. Done it thrice and it's always ended poorly. One was my fault because I was an idiot once upon a time and she was engaged but the other two were just genuinely bad outcomes directly related to the fact we worked together.[/QUOTE] noted, but I'm kind of not worried about that because we're both bottom of the pyramid food service—no real workplace politics to speak of—and we're both leaving the job in the fall anyway to go to different schools (which is a separate point of consideration in itself...). I'm more worried that if she says no, or it otherwise doesn't doesn't pan out, work would become kind of uncomfortable for her and/or I. It's sort of tricky gauging how she feels about me.

[QUOTE=danjee;52064776]noted, but I'm kind of not worried about that because we're both bottom of the pyramid food service—no real workplace politics to speak of—and we're both leaving the job in the fall anyway to go to different schools (which is a separate point of consideration in itself...). I'm more worried that if she says no, or it otherwise doesn't doesn't pan out, work would become kind of uncomfortable for her and/or I. It's sort of tricky gauging how she feels about me.[/QUOTE] In light of the fact that you're not even going to be seeing each other all that much post-fall, it seems unwise to want to start anything at this point. Chalk this one up to fate and move on. From a "dipping your pen in the company ink" perspective, if you initiate something now and it goes sour, your summer is fucked and you only get sweet release at the end of it. From a dating perspective, lets say you date and have a relationship - it's realistically going to be three months in and that's enough time to form attachment which means that the eventual expiry date on that relationship is gonna suck. LDR's haven't worked for me, and for many, [I]many[/I] others. The only realistic cases where they have worked is when: a) Enormous sacrifices were made, often at great expense, to spend physical time with their partner. b) There was an expiry date on the distance. If you two are doing school, that's a long time to be apart. And being student, option a's gonna drain your wallet. Realistically, the only thing I could see pragmatically working out in this is just friendship or a FWB sort f arrangement, but not everyone wants those because again, it's only a matter time before either of you catches a case of the feels. So, seeing the myriad of ways it all go horribly wrong, I would say move on. Of course, if you have the fortitude and determination to make this work, all the power to you.

[QUOTE=snookypookums;52065014]In light of the fact that you're not even going to be seeing each other all that much post-fall, it seems unwise to want to start anything at this point. Chalk this one up to fate and move on. From a "dipping your pen in the company ink" perspective, if you initiate something now and it goes sour, your summer is fucked and you only get sweet release at the end of it. From a dating perspective, lets say you date and have a relationship - it's realistically going to be three months in and that's enough time to form attachment which means that the eventual expiry date on that relationship is gonna suck. LDR's haven't worked for me, and for many, [I]many[/I] others. The only realistic cases where they have worked is when: a) Enormous sacrifices were made, often at great expense, to spend physical time with their partner. b) There was an expiry date on the distance. If you two are doing school, that's a long time to be apart. And being student, option a's gonna drain your wallet. Realistically, the only thing I could see pragmatically working out in this is just friendship or a FWB sort f arrangement, but not everyone wants those because again, it's only a matter time before either of you catches a case of the feels. So, seeing the myriad of ways it all go horribly wrong, I would say move on. Of course, if you have the fortitude and determination to make this work, all the power to you.[/QUOTE] Presently, I don't think I would want to try and hold it together after we go our separate ways for school, which of course means it would be a very short thing. I don't have any goals in terms of what the relationship would look like (dating, just friends, etc)—I just haven't ever felt confident & happy enough to pursue this sort of thing AND been met with an actual opportunity, til now, so I almost feel like I'd be stupid to pass the chance up—despite the shelf life on it all. I'm majorly backlogged when it comes to having life experiences. However I do definitely think about how much it would suck to have to split up if we developed some sort of bond. It's basically a decision of going around with a girl this summer and that ending smoothly or awfully, or sitting on my hands and wondering "what if" for another segment of my life

does anyone ever have luck on sites like pof/okc? after using thaifriendly it seems like a total waste of time, noone seems to actually be interested in what there profile says there either there to get ig/twitter followers, boost there self confidence and generally just be timewasters. on TF even once you discount the people selling pussy or ass there are still tons of users who are actively interested in dating or simple hookups

Met my boyfriend on OKC. It only works if you're willing to put time into it and be patient. Not gonna meet your dream girl/guy overnight. It takes time.

[QUOTE=waylander;52067926]does anyone ever have luck on sites like pof/okc? after using thaifriendly it seems like a total waste of time, noone seems to actually be interested in what there profile says there either there to get ig/twitter followers, boost there self confidence and generally just be timewasters. on TF even once you discount the people selling pussy or ass there are still tons of users who are actively interested in dating or simple hookups[/QUOTE] I always thought more official sites that put in effort and time work better like match.com or whatever but I've never used them.

fetlife

New date tomorrow and another one this weekend. I'm gonna be broke soon.

Women cost so much money, I feel that.

[QUOTE=The Rifleman;52068474]Women cost so much money, I feel that.[/QUOTE] The ones that cost the least are the ones you pay up front /s

[QUOTE=SebiWarrior;52068571]The ones that cost the least are the ones you pay up front /s[/QUOTE] Can't ever quantify how much I've paid in emotions *cry*.

Went to class with the goal of asking a girl out. Ofc she wasn't there. So I asked her friend if she had a boyfriend and ofc she's "about to ask a guy to be her bf". Fuck me in the ass man. This shit always happens to me. Every girl I like either has a boyfriend or is about to get a boyfriend, or I go on one / two dates and they ditch me and get a new boyfriend. [editline]6th April 2017[/editline] I'm just happy I worked up some courage, even if it wasn't her I asked.

[QUOTE=redBadger;52068937]Went to class with the goal of asking a girl out. Ofc she wasn't there. So I asked her friend if she had a boyfriend and ofc she's "about to ask a guy to be her bf". Fuck me in the ass man. This shit always happens to me. Every girl I like either has a boyfriend or is about to get a boyfriend, or I go on one / two dates and they ditch me and get a new boyfriend. [editline]6th April 2017[/editline] I'm just happy I worked up some courage, even if it wasn't her I asked.[/QUOTE] The fuck are you asking her friend for and basing the abort on that? Go ahead, still ask, hear yes or no from the girl and, [I]then[/I] ditch. Who the fuck knows whether the friend was being right or not? How the hell would she know if you were even super interested in her if she didn't even know, because you asked her friend and was like "naah, the decision has been made."

So, it's pretty much a year on, and despite how many things I've tried, my feelings still haven't changed (except just that I think they're more of a dick than a kind person that I thought/hoped I knew). It really is frustrating because my life is progressing so fast and positively, yet there's still this huge hole in my life and heart (cringe saying i know), and it hurts everyday. Help? :/ i know time is usually the only healer, but at this rate no matter how much is going on in life, I don't feel like I'm ever going to be over it (which is understandable due to lack of closure i guess).

[QUOTE=waylander;52067926]does anyone ever have luck on sites like pof/okc? after using thaifriendly it seems like a total waste of time, noone seems to actually be interested in what there profile says there either there to get ig/twitter followers, boost there self confidence and generally just be timewasters. on TF even once you discount the people selling pussy or ass there are still tons of users who are actively interested in dating or simple hookups[/QUOTE] Met my girlfriend on OKC Just gotta find the right one and start strong

Time to meet her, I'm hyped!

[QUOTE=GisG56;52070237]So, it's pretty much a year on, and despite how many things I've tried, my feelings still haven't changed (except just that I think they're more of a dick than a kind person that I thought/hoped I knew). It really is frustrating because my life is progressing so fast and positively, yet there's still this huge hole in my life and heart (cringe saying i know), and it hurts everyday. Help? :/ i know time is usually the only healer, but at this rate no matter how much is going on in life, I don't feel like I'm ever going to be over it (which is understandable due to lack of closure i guess).[/QUOTE] I wish I had solid advice to offer you, but I don't. I do understand, especially being frustrated with any lack of closure because without that you may not understand the entire situation. Have you severed all ties to this person? Blocked social media and etc.? Do you want to move on?

We ended up watching Interstellar, she was crying at the end. We did not dock, T.A.R.S failed me.

[QUOTE=farmatyr;52072408]We ended up watching Interstellar, she was crying at the end. We did not dock, T.A.R.S failed me.[/QUOTE] Incredible movie, not a good movie pick if you're hoping to get laid lol.

[QUOTE=Pascall;52067941]Met my boyfriend on OKC. It only works if you're willing to put time into it and be patient. Not gonna meet your dream girl/guy overnight. It takes time.[/QUOTE] Dating sites are probably easier for girls, though. It takes much more effort if you're "just" an average guy. Unless you're really good looking, you'll most likely end up having a hard time. Not saying it's impossible to find someone, but eventually, you'll start believing it's easier to ask people out offline.

[QUOTE=gustavholst;52072167]I wish I had solid advice to offer you, but I don't. I do understand, especially being frustrated with any lack of closure because without that you may not understand the entire situation. Have you severed all ties to this person? Blocked social media and etc.? Do you want to move on?[/QUOTE] He kinda severed everything from the day he ended things via one sentence text message. Like he clearly didn't care about me, or consider my feelings, it was a complete asshole move. I'm not saying I was perfect in the relationship cos I had my own personal problems, but I deserved a decent break up, especially considering how long we were together and how much he knew i loved him. I do wanna move on, I mean he kinda fucked up all avenues of any kind of future together by ending things the way he did, and I doubt he feels the same way I do right now anyway, he's probably already over things. But, I also don't want to move on, because I don't want anyone else, I wanted to settle down with him, and now that's gone, and I just don't want anyone else. I wanted him, but obviously I can't now. kinda went tits up.