Super Friendly Social and Love Advice v8 - Stop spamming her with texts. - General

[QUOTE=Kindlinho;52072452]Dating sites are probably easier for girls, though. It takes much more effort if you're "just" an average guy. Unless you're really good looking, you'll most likely end up having a hard time. Not saying it's impossible to find someone, but eventually, you'll start believing it's easier to ask people out offline.[/QUOTE] Is already far more easier for girls to find a companion in general then guys tbh. I wouldn't expect to be any different in dating sites. It makes almost no difference.

[QUOTE=farmatyr;52072408]We ended up watching Interstellar, she was crying at the end. We did not dock, T.A.R.S failed me.[/QUOTE] Next time, shrek time.

[QUOTE=GisG56;52072685]He kinda severed everything from the day he ended things via one sentence text message. Like he clearly didn't care about me, or consider my feelings, it was a complete asshole move. I'm not saying I was perfect in the relationship cos I had my own personal problems, but I deserved a decent break up, especially considering how long we were together and how much he knew i loved him. I do wanna move on, I mean he kinda fucked up all avenues of any kind of future together by ending things the way he did, and I doubt he feels the same way I do right now anyway, he's probably already over things. But, I also don't want to move on, because I don't want anyone else, I wanted to settle down with him, and now that's gone, and I just don't want anyone else. I wanted him, but obviously I can't now. kinda went tits up.[/QUOTE] That's incredibly tough and unfair of somebody who you care for to treat you that way. It's valid to still want them even if you know it's unattainable or that they're unworthy of your time and affection. Have you tried writing out letters to this person and not send them? I've heard that sometimes that can give you an outlet to vent frustration and figure out closure for yourself.

[QUOTE=gustavholst;52073214]That's incredibly tough and unfair of somebody who you care for to treat you that way. It's valid to still want them even if you know it's unattainable or that they're unworthy of your time and affection. Have you tried writing out letters to this person and not send them? I've heard that sometimes that can give you an outlet to vent frustration and figure out closure for yourself.[/QUOTE] Yeah. It was hard. I spent the first two months ripping even more into myself, believing it was all me, and that I was unlovable and unworthy as a person. But after unraveling myself from the bounds of self-pity, I've come a long way in terms of that, and I don't blame myself for everything, and the circumstances under my wing at the time weren't exactly something I could help having, and I was doing all I could to sort my personal things out, they just didn't appreciate that and were really negative about what the future held (which actually turned out to be bloody fabulous because I am back to myself). Yeah I know, it's just frustrating cos like you said, clearly they aren't worth my time, and so many people who love and care about me have said that too, but I just can't help how I feel. I've tried a journal, and all sorts like that, yes. I always think I'm making progress but then I just have a bad day and it turns out im not over it. Like i think I'm making slow progress but I don't see myself dating again :( it really sucks cos I'm a really loving person, I have a lot of love to give to someone, and I can't to the one I wanted to.

So that girl who wants to fuck me (but I don't necessarily like her back the same way) keeps texting me and complaining all her life problems to me and I feel bad because I don't know how to "comfort" her exactly. Like she says she wants to kill herself and I'm no therapist and I don't know the best way to respond to things like that. In past relationships it was typically me that needed the "comforting" more than the other person so I never really learned how to help someone like that unfortunately.

[QUOTE=Blazyd;52073781]So that girl who wants to fuck me (but I don't necessarily like her back the same way) keeps texting me and complaining all her life problems to me and I feel bad because I don't know how to "comfort" her exactly. Like she says she wants to kill herself and I'm no therapist and I don't know the best way to respond to things like that. In past relationships it was typically me that needed the "comforting" more than the other person so I never really learned how to help someone like that unfortunately.[/QUOTE] You don't know her very well at all and she's already throwing all of her personal maladies and complaints onto your shoulders to bear? Sounds like she's leeching off of your attention. I don't think you should keep talking to her if she continues this behavior. What kind of person tells someone that isn't close to them about their suicidal thoughts?

[QUOTE=ZombieWaffle;52073860]What kind of person tells someone that isn't close to them about their suicidal thoughts?[/QUOTE] Perhaps somebody who is afraid to tell their loved ones because they feel ashamed, or guilty. I wouldn't be so quick to judge. Different people find different methods helpful. Sometimes it's easier to talk about it to someone you barely know - hence partially why so many end up staying closed off to friends, but they are able to open up to their therapist (someone they don't know well), and that therapy is therefore usually successful. Blazyd, if you're unsure how to comfort her, ask her, she should be able to tell you, but it sounds to me like a cry for help, so just keep an eye on the situation, and perhaps try convince her to get some help? :smile: Sometimes just letting them know you're there helps, but just make sure that you look after your own mental health cos that's important too, and she shouldn't make you unwell too! You personally don't have to be the "therapist" I mean, you're not qualified for starters, but you just need to be there if you can and want to, to let her know someone cares about her wellbeing and is willing to support her.

[QUOTE=GisG56;52073703]Yeah. It was hard. I spent the first two months ripping even more into myself, believing it was all me, and that I was unlovable and unworthy as a person. But after unraveling myself from the bounds of self-pity, I've come a long way in terms of that, and I don't blame myself for everything, and the circumstances under my wing at the time weren't exactly something I could help having, and I was doing all I could to sort my personal things out, they just didn't appreciate that and were really negative about what the future held (which actually turned out to be bloody fabulous because I am back to myself). Yeah I know, it's just frustrating cos like you said, clearly they aren't worth my time, and so many people who love and care about me have said that too, but I just can't help how I feel. I've tried a journal, and all sorts like that, yes. I always think I'm making progress but then I just have a bad day and it turns out im not over it. Like i think I'm making slow progress but I don't see myself dating again :( it really sucks cos I'm a really loving person, I have a lot of love to give to someone, and I can't to the one I wanted to.[/QUOTE] Little progress is better than no progress, and no progress is better than regressive. You're doing the best you can, and unfortunately you can't force feelings to change. Heartbreak sucks, it feels like you can't breathe and you're being torn apart, I can relate, and the best thing to do is take things easy, appreciate the little things and vent out the frustration because keeping it in will cause more pain in the long run.

[QUOTE=farmatyr;52072408]We ended up watching Interstellar, she was crying at the end. We did not dock, T.A.R.S failed me.[/QUOTE] That's a great choice to get her in the mood! Maybe Schindler's List next? :v:

Fuck We had a combined birthday party for me and the girl I've been after for a while. I was hoping it would go great, and we could talk more about our feelings for each other. And, for a while, it was going really well. We were laughing and making jokes and it was almost like when we first starting hanging out after her breakup. Then when the night was almost over she tells me "oh, by the way, I'm back together with <her bf>". And then she walked out of the room somewhere or went to the bathroom or something, and as I was just sitting in my chair trying to process everything she came back and asked how I was. I think I said something along the lines of "i don't know" or "whatever" and I'm pretty sure she got really upset because she didn't want to hurt me. She left with some of her friends and I saw her bawling her eyes out outside my place. (I can't say I wasn't doing the same thing later in the night) So we're going to meet up today or tomorrow and talk about everything while not intoxicated. I'm doing my best to just get over her, and I'm going to try really hard to stay friends with her, because our friend group will probably fall apart otherwise. What a shitty birthday party.

[QUOTE=SgtTupelo;52075252]That's a great choice to get her in the mood! Maybe Schindler's List next? :v:[/QUOTE] No, no, The Notebook. But then [I]he'll[/I] be the one crying, so..... [editline]8th April 2017[/editline] [QUOTE=papkee;52075958]Fuck We had a combined birthday party for me and the girl I've been after for a while. I was hoping it would go great, and we could talk more about our feelings for each other. And, for a while, it was going really well. We were laughing and making jokes and it was almost like when we first starting hanging out after her breakup. Then when the night was almost over she tells me "oh, by the way, I'm back together with <her bf>". And then she walked out of the room somewhere or went to the bathroom or something, and as I was just sitting in my chair trying to process everything she came back and asked how I was. I think I said something along the lines of "i don't know" or "whatever" and I'm pretty sure she got really upset because she didn't want to hurt me. She left with some of her friends and I saw her bawling her eyes out outside my place. (I can't say I wasn't doing the same thing later in the night) So we're going to meet up today or tomorrow and talk about everything while not intoxicated. I'm doing my best to just get over her, and I'm going to try really hard to stay friends with her, because our friend group will probably fall apart otherwise. What a shitty birthday party.[/QUOTE] I've had worse - I spent my 23rd doped up on drugs in hospital because I damn near died in a motorcycle accident. Shortly before that, my girlfriend of two years decided that she thought my career was going "nowhere", so she called it quits to go for someone her parents wanted her to marry. Try processing that shit and "fuck, I could've died" at the same time, while high on morphine and in immense pain. So hey, things could always be worse. :v: I think she really didn't want to hurt you, but there was no really better way to put it and you should be glad you know than if she strung you along, mate. If I were you, I'd probably take some time away from her to process this stuff before immediately talking it out because you're not quite there yet and run the risk of saying shit that'll hurt you both. Take a week off, do other stuff, be social with folks outside of her friends circle and then ask to talk when you're not like this.

Seeing a bunch of snapchat stories from 'friends' out and doing shit with eachother while I'm stuck at home without having the slightest clue that they were planning on doing anything really put a 180 degree turn on my mood. Every weekend is the same shit

[QUOTE=Araknid;52076082]Seeing a bunch of snapchat stories from 'friends' out and doing shit with eachother while I'm stuck at home without having the slightest clue that they were planning on doing anything really put a 180 degree turn on my mood. Every weekend is the same shit[/QUOTE] Go do some cool shit by yourself. Have fun. Look up TripAdvisor, pick a tourist spot you've never been to, make a day trip of it and have a blast exploring your city.

[QUOTE=Araknid;52076082]Seeing a bunch of snapchat stories from 'friends' out and doing shit with eachother while I'm stuck at home without having the slightest clue that they were planning on doing anything really put a 180 degree turn on my mood. Every weekend is the same shit[/QUOTE] I feel ya, i watch snaps from friends while i'm in the military and it makes me pretty depressed. Do you have a group of friends you hang out occasionally? Maybe you can go out and do something and snap about it later.

[QUOTE=papkee;52075958]Fuck We had a combined birthday party for me and the girl I've been after for a while. I was hoping it would go great, and we could talk more about our feelings for each other. And, for a while, it was going really well. We were laughing and making jokes and it was almost like when we first starting hanging out after her breakup. Then when the night was almost over she tells me "oh, by the way, I'm back together with <her bf>". And then she walked out of the room somewhere or went to the bathroom or something, and as I was just sitting in my chair trying to process everything she came back and asked how I was. I think I said something along the lines of "i don't know" or "whatever" and I'm pretty sure she got really upset because she didn't want to hurt me. She left with some of her friends and I saw her bawling her eyes out outside my place. (I can't say I wasn't doing the same thing later in the night) So we're going to meet up today or tomorrow and talk about everything while not intoxicated. I'm doing my best to just get over her, and I'm going to try really hard to stay friends with her, because our friend group will probably fall apart otherwise. What a shitty birthday party.[/QUOTE] I've talked to several of our mutual friends, and now I feel even worse. Apparently she was genuinely interested in me at the start, and it was my own damn fault that she got driven away. I was just trying to go too fast, and was to inexperienced at what was going on, and in her indirect words "a pussy" about it. So she started distancing herself from me and I got even more weird and confused and concerned and basically if I had just stayed cool and doing what I was doing from the start, it probably would've worked out great in the end. FUCK me.

[QUOTE=Blazyd;52073781]So that girl who wants to fuck me (but I don't necessarily like her back the same way) keeps texting me and complaining all her life problems to me and I feel bad because I don't know how to "comfort" her exactly. Like she says she wants to kill herself and I'm no therapist and I don't know the best way to respond to things like that. In past relationships it was typically me that needed the "comforting" more than the other person so I never really learned how to help someone like that unfortunately.[/QUOTE] After talking to her for like 5 min and throwing an inspirational quote from google at her she's all fine now. guess ya'll were right that she did just want some attention. I mean I knew even from the beginning she wasn't totally serious when she said she wanted to kill herself - I just took that as a "I'm really really upset right now". I wish people would stop saying that when they don't really mean it.

So the mother of one of my flatmates has just died; she had been in a terminal cancer state for quite a few months, so it was more a matter of "when" rather than "if". We all are going to the funeral, but I guess dropping by tomorrow at the wake to give him a hug and support wouldn't be uncalled for.

[QUOTE=Araknid;52076082]Seeing a bunch of snapchat stories from 'friends' out and doing shit with eachother while I'm stuck at home without having the slightest clue that they were planning on doing anything really put a 180 degree turn on my mood. Every weekend is the same shit[/QUOTE] Be proactive and hit them up to see if anything's going on, tell them to hit you up if they make plans. There's nothing weird or needy about it and it could just be that people are forgetting to hit you up. I go out a ton and it often doesn't even cross my mind to invite so-and-so, then I'll see them the next day and can tell they were a bit upset when they bring up "oh what was that show you went to?". If they still don't hit you up after you remind them a bit then it's time to find new buddies!

[QUOTE=gustavholst;52074534]Little progress is better than no progress, and no progress is better than regressive. You're doing the best you can, and unfortunately you can't force feelings to change. Heartbreak sucks, it feels like you can't breathe and you're being torn apart, I can relate, and the best thing to do is take things easy, appreciate the little things and vent out the frustration because keeping it in will cause more pain in the long run.[/QUOTE] Yeah, I guess you're right in that sense. It's just an annoying waiting game really, isn't it. That's exactly the feeling, and there's so much positivity going for me right now that i wish i could have shared with them - but then their loss i guess (and they have their own life now separate from mine). Yeah, it's just hard to find people to talk to because i don't want to burden my friends with it or family. It's not worth it, and it's a year on, so i feel a bit pathetic. I'm sure I'll work something out over time. Thank you for your input :smile:

So uh, about my breakup, I think I'm doing very very bad. I've started to reflecto on myself and think about my actions and reactions and all I see is that I have some serioues problems. I'm extremly paranoid when it comes to jokes/comments (i.e. I feel that everything is personal), I can't say something I like about myself because I feel that I end up ruining everything in my life with stupid thoughts, and I feel that during the last year I actually lost all the progress I had previously made in my life, I was cofident, happier, outgoing and talkative, but now I lost all of that. I really don't know what to do, I was probably the one who was guilty of the failure of my relationship, I'm also probably ruining friendships with all my problems. I know there's a way to get better, but I feel so trapped that I can't see an exit to all of this. [editline]8th April 2017[/editline] About professional help, it isn't cheap and I don't want my parents to waste their money on what is more likely a gamble (If I get a bad one or a good one).

[QUOTE=GisG56;52078079]Yeah, I guess you're right in that sense. It's just an annoying waiting game really, isn't it. That's exactly the feeling, and there's so much positivity going for me right now that i wish i could have shared with them - but then their loss i guess (and they have their own life now separate from mine). Yeah, it's just hard to find people to talk to because i don't want to burden my friends with it or family. It's not worth it, and it's a year on, so i feel a bit pathetic. I'm sure I'll work something out over time. Thank you for your input :smile:[/QUOTE] I can relate because I'm experiencing something very similar, although it is fresher for me. I don't think you're pathetic (although that I totally relate to also) and hopefully time will help. I think one of the worst parts for me is how alone in this feeling I am, but all you can do is the best you can.

[QUOTE=papkee;52077028]I've talked to several of our mutual friends, and now I feel even worse. Apparently she was genuinely interested in me at the start, and it was my own damn fault that she got driven away. I was just trying to go too fast, and was to inexperienced at what was going on, and in her indirect words "a pussy" about it. So she started distancing herself from me and I got even more weird and confused and concerned and basically if I had just stayed cool and doing what I was doing from the start, it probably would've worked out great in the end. FUCK me.[/QUOTE] I don't understand that "going too fast" shit Like how many months do you want to have me stop dating to have just a [I]chance[/I] to be with you If you're interested, what's there to be sure about? You won't get to know a person by just chatting or talking for months, you need to date ffs

I just got through dropping some acid to try and sort myself out, I didn't really get too far... I know I'm an introvert and that while not shy, I just don't enjoy talking to most people( I feel most are not up to my level so to speak, another problem into itself) but I do seek close company and a girlfriend. I struggle with keeping relationships, especially with women. I have a pretty bad relationship with my mom and most of my family, I never talk to them, same goes for most of my friends. I have a lot of acquantices but I simply cannot get close with most people. I fucking hate how reserved and constrained I feel, I just want to find someone I can be myself with and open up to. I had a girl who was someone who I was very close to getting there with, but I broke up with her for seemingly no reason looking back on it now, just my ego getting the better of me. I'm not hideously ugly, I'm decently tall, Ive had jobs bartending, I'm a successful collegiate athlete, but I've always felt off when it comes to relationships. Its been driving me crazy lately to be honest. I put on a facade of being this athlete meathead douchebag and Im tired of it. I'm tired of hating and demeaning people, tired of being alone. It's like everyone wants to be my friend but I simply smile, walk away and close the door.

Right I've been feeling shit about this for ages now, idk what to do but I just need some advice, will keep this as short as possible. Few months back I meet a girl at a party, we speak, I message her for some time after, and eventually we meet up. Had a great time, and we met up a good few times after that. Week or so before valentines day, we both agree to do a thing for that, it all goes well and we have a good time. After that, I started to get infrequent messages, and this has culminated in it being over a month since she's ever said anything. I've not sent anything in this time period since the last message I sent about a month ago never got read. I'm fine with the fact she doesn't want to see me or whatever, I just want to know why, but I just can't bring myself to message her, I just get the distinct impression she doesn't want to hear from me at all, I've just no idea what to do but I just want to know why all this happened. It just happened so fast, literally at one point I was speaking to her friends and they were all telling me she really liked me, then I see her one time after that and suddenly she just stops speaking to me. The last message she sent me actually had her saying she'd be free in the evening for a drink if I had time while I was in the same city she was, annoyingly I couldn't, and since then I've just heard nothing. I messaged her that same day asking her if she wanted to meet up some other weekend, nothing, then a few days later I just asked how uni was going and to this day, it hasn't been read. this is probs all jumbled but I just need to know what I should do. I really want to know why this all happened. As I said, after being basically ignored for this long, I'm not even sure I'd want to see her again after all this, but I just can't put this behind me unless I know why, but I just cant bring myself to message her, for some reason I feel like I'd just be some cunt who can't take a hint.

Agggghhh I want to break up with my girlfriend but she lives with me in my parents house and she has tons of shit here going to be so awkward. Don't even know what to do

[QUOTE=jammy job;52079645]Right I've been feeling shit about this for ages now, idk what to do but I just need some advice, will keep this as short as possible. Few months back I meet a girl at a party, we speak, I message her for some time after, and eventually we meet up. Had a great time, and we met up a good few times after that. Week or so before valentines day, we both agree to do a thing for that, it all goes well and we have a good time. After that, I started to get infrequent messages, and this has culminated in it being over a month since she's ever said anything. I've not sent anything in this time period since the last message I sent about a month ago never got read. I'm fine with the fact she doesn't want to see me or whatever, I just want to know why, but I just can't bring myself to message her, I just get the distinct impression she doesn't want to hear from me at all, I've just no idea what to do but I just want to know why all this happened. It just happened so fast, literally at one point I was speaking to her friends and they were all telling me she really liked me, then I see her one time after that and suddenly she just stops speaking to me. The last message she sent me actually had her saying she'd be free in the evening for a drink if I had time while I was in the same city she was, annoyingly I couldn't, and since then I've just heard nothing. I messaged her that same day asking her if she wanted to meet up some other weekend, nothing, then a few days later I just asked how uni was going and to this day, it hasn't been read. this is probs all jumbled but I just need to know what I should do. I really want to know why this all happened. As I said, after being basically ignored for this long, I'm not even sure I'd want to see her again after all this, but I just can't put this behind me unless I know why, but I just cant bring myself to message her, for some reason I feel like I'd just be some cunt who can't take a hint.[/QUOTE] Worth a try messaging her IMO Ask her if she wants to talk a bit. If she agrees then you're good and both of you can work out the problems that have risen up. If she disagrees or ignores you then she's not worth your time. Period.

[QUOTE=Bleach Qeef;52079295]I just got through dropping some acid to try and sort myself out, I didn't really get too far... I know I'm an introvert and that while not shy, I just don't enjoy talking to most people( I feel most are not up to my level so to speak, another problem into itself) but I do seek close company and a girlfriend. I struggle with keeping relationships, especially with women. I have a pretty bad relationship with my mom and most of my family, I never talk to them, same goes for most of my friends. I have a lot of acquantices but I simply cannot get close with most people. I fucking hate how reserved and constrained I feel, I just want to find someone I can be myself with and open up to. I had a girl who was someone who I was very close to getting there with, but I broke up with her for seemingly no reason looking back on it now, just my ego getting the better of me. I'm not hideously ugly, I'm decently tall, Ive had jobs bartending, I'm a successful collegiate athlete, but I've always felt off when it comes to relationships. Its been driving me crazy lately to be honest. I put on a facade of being this athlete meathead douchebag and Im tired of it. I'm tired of hating and demeaning people, tired of being alone. It's like everyone wants to be my friend but I simply smile, walk away and close the door.[/QUOTE] It sounds like you need to forgive yourself for your shortcomings and internalize that you're a pretty alright guy. I think if you do that you will stop feeling the need to be that McDoucheDick you put up. Fight for a change, if you're tired of it.

[QUOTE=srobins;52077921]Be proactive and hit them up to see if anything's going on, tell them to hit you up if they make plans. There's nothing weird or needy about it and it could just be that people are forgetting to hit you up. I go out a ton and it often doesn't even cross my mind to invite so-and-so, then I'll see them the next day and can tell they were a bit upset when they bring up "oh what was that show you went to?". If they still don't hit you up after you remind them a bit then it's time to find new buddies![/QUOTE] like its that easy I ask them, they give half assed answers and say 'yeah sure' and then I never hear back.

[QUOTE=RzDat;52079703]Worth a try messaging her IMO Ask her if she wants to talk a bit. If she agrees then you're good and both of you can work out the problems that have risen up. If she disagrees or ignores you then she's not worth your time. Period.[/QUOTE] i want to just, idk. her friend group is the group my best friends girlfriend is in basically, hence how I got told at one stage that she liked me, cuz I was at a thing with them once. And tbh, one of the things that really weirds me out in a way is that I feel more people potentially know why all this happened than I do, cuz I'm sure they'd have asked her at some point if she was still seeing me and I just wonder what she'd have said. I've had a couple people ask me recently about it and I've just said its over cuz I have nothing else to go on. I'm just like, im not good at serious chats, I just feel like if I try to ask if she wants to speak after she's chosen not to speak to me for so long that I'm just going to come across as, idk, creepy? desperate? I understand maybe I'm overthinking here, its just a strange position to be in. This was my first experience ever going on a date etc. with someone, its just fuckin weird, literally the last time I saw her she said we were 'official' and then this. I'll think about messaging her I just, dk if I can bring myself to. Not out of being afraid of what she says, just what other people might think if it gets to them.

Spoke to my mum on the phone and think it will be best if she moves back in with her dad for now If things don't get better after that it will be much easier breaking up. I hope it does get better but we will see