Super Friendly Social and Love Advice v8 - Stop spamming her with texts. - General

Two dates next week, things are getting complicated..

Playa.

So, it’s a new quarter in uni, and I’m taking this writing class. The professor split us up into groups of 5, and this cute girl ends up being in my group and she sits next to me. I start talking to her and she was smiling at me pretty much the whole time we were talking. Then a little while later, she randomly said she likes my doodles, referring to this: [img]http://i.imgur.com/dZqU80rm.jpg[/img] I'm in, right?

[QUOTE=Not64;52133013]So, it’s a new quarter in uni, and I’m taking this writing class. The professor split us up into groups of 5, and this cute girl ends up being in my group and she sits next to me. I start talking to her and she was smiling at me pretty much the whole time we were talking. Then a little while later, she randomly said she likes my doodles, referring to this: [img]http://i.imgur.com/dZqU80rm.jpg[/img] I'm in, right?[/QUOTE] I'd say you've got an in, now you have to run with it. Ask for her number, or if she'd like to grab lunch after class sometime.

Anybody else cant stare into someones eyes? I find myself always looking at someone and when they turn around and we make eye contact - I immediately flick my look somewhere else :v: When I was in Alps on holiday, I started chatting to one girl and we started spending time together, going on night walks and snowboarding together during day, we hit it off quickly (even though we both realized it was only for duration of holiday) and as we sat and had dinner - she said: "lets play a game, who can stare into another's eyes longer". It was a disaster, I started laughing the moment the eye sights met. I think if someone came up to me and told me someone I know died and started into my eyes - I would start laughing hysterically and put into crazy house.

Yup I'm exactly like that. My boyfriend once was like "let's look into each other's eyes, that's romantic" and I was like yeah that's gonna be a problem lol. Staring at someone in the eyes seems threatening to me, I'm not sure into it.

[QUOTE=Pascall;52134072]Yup I'm exactly like that. My boyfriend once was like "let's look into each other's eyes, that's romantic" and I was like yeah that's gonna be a problem lol. Staring at someone in the eyes seems threatening to me, I'm not sure into it.[/QUOTE] I don't find it threatening I just start laughing from realizing how stupid to looks from side but that's just me.

I'm about to go on my first date tomorrow and I just have to thank all the wonderful regulars of these threads. The advice presented in here has been absolutely priceless. I started reading up these threads a few years back when I was in a total slump and started teetering on the "nice guy" territory. The things I've read here have helped me look at things differently, not put relationships on pedestals, improve myself both mentally and physically, and overall helped me to be more sociable. I'm not going to be expecting much from this date as it's through tinder, but at least it's going to be an experience I can reflect upon if something goes awry(which I hope won't, but you never know with these things), or treasure if it goes really well. Thank you all! You're the best!

[QUOTE=RenegadeCop;52134310]It gets a lot easier with practice, especially in interview or professional settings where you're listening more to the spoken content than visual content. I could get lost for ages in my girlfriends eyes.[/QUOTE] Yeah when I am talking to someone from workplace in person (especially higher position) - I tend to glance into their eyes as I talk then look away as I listen. I can't listen and look into someones eyes.

[QUOTE=Aetna;52133052]I'd say you've got an in, now you have to run with it. Ask for her number, or if she'd like to grab lunch after class sometime.[/QUOTE] When should I do it?

[QUOTE=arleitiss;52134347]Yeah when I am talking to someone from workplace in person (especially higher position) - I tend to glance into their eyes as I talk then look away as I listen. I can't listen and look into someones eyes.[/QUOTE] Same here - I can't process my thoughts as they're talking when I'm directly looking at them because then my attention gets diverted by trying to read their expression. I look at them in a somewhat unfocused manner, then just slowly nod my head while tilting my head slightly and staring slightly over their shoulder. Works perfectly for me because they get the sense that I'm still paying attention to them, while I can process what they're saying without getting distracted. I get really unnerved when someone just stares at me or, like, follows my head movements when I talk because that just makes me think they're psychopathic.

[QUOTE=RenegadeCop;52134310]It gets a lot easier with practice, especially in interview or professional settings where you're listening more to the spoken content than visual content. I could get lost for ages in my girlfriends eyes.[/QUOTE] I used to get intimidated by eye contact, but I understand it's importance as a cultural thing of trust, so I started forcing myself to make prolonged eye contact with people. It worked pretty well, though it can still be uncomfortable in certain scenarios. [editline]21st April 2017[/editline] Also the feeling you get by looking into the eyes of someone you feel for is great.

[QUOTE=Kabstrac;52134629]NOW Just do it[/QUOTE] I'm serious tho

[QUOTE=Not64;52135006]I'm serious tho[/QUOTE] As soon as possible. Don't wait. So maybe like, the next time you see her.

So there's this gal I used to work with. A couple of years back, I went full "nice guy" on her, and embarrassed myself not only to her, but my entire group of co-workers and friends. Despite this, we've talked here and there over the years. When I say "talked", I really mean she's walked in and out of my life whenever it's been convenient for her. That's not a bad thing on it's own, but she never answers me when I initiate conversation, and has always blatantly lied to me when she's flaked on me (which has been every time we've organized a time to hang out btw). Pretty clear to me that I'm a "friend" as opposed to an actual friend. However, she's been slightly more persistent lately, particularly this past month. She's asked me about my work schedule twice now, and randomly messaged me last week with some small talk. We eventually got on the topic of my job search, and she offered to pull some strings where she works. Before I continue, keep in mind that this gal works for her BF's parents. Yikes. Pretty weird thing to offer me, but I eventually agreed, and I asked if she could put in a good word a few days later. Read my message, didn't respond. Honestly? I'm about ready to tell this girl to fuck herself and leave me alone for good. I wouldn't be such an ass about it, of course. But I'm so sick of this woman yanking my chain. I'm upset with myself for letting it go on for this long, too. I wasted so much time pining for this random woman I know so little of, who isn't even a stellar individual to begin with. What do you guys think I should do about this? Any insight from folks who've gone through something similar? I'd like to talk to her in-person, but aside from hunting her down at work like a creep, I can't organize anything like that. So I'm left with either ghosting her, or telling her through text. Or blocking her on social media, I guess.

[QUOTE=blerb;52135129]So there's this gal I used to work with. A couple of years back, I went full "nice guy" on her, and embarrassed myself not only to her, but my entire group of co-workers and friends. Despite this, we've talked here and there over the years. When I say "talked", I really mean she's walked in and out of my life whenever it's been convenient for her. That's not a bad thing on it's own, but she never answers me when I initiate conversation, and has always blatantly lied to me when she's flaked on me (which has been every time we've organized a time to hang out btw). Pretty clear to me that I'm a "friend" as opposed to an actual friend. However, she's been slightly more persistent lately, particularly this past month. She's asked me about my work schedule twice now, and randomly messaged me last week with some small talk. We eventually got on the topic of my job search, and she offered to pull some strings where she works. Before I continue, keep in mind that this gal works for her BF's parents. Yikes. Pretty weird thing to offer me, but I eventually agreed, and I asked if she could put in a good word a few days later. Read my message, didn't respond. Honestly? I'm about ready to tell this girl to fuck herself and leave me alone for good. I wouldn't be such an ass about it, of course. But I'm so sick of this woman yanking my chain. I'm upset with myself for letting it go on for this long, too. I wasted so much time pining for this random woman I know so little of, who isn't even a stellar individual to begin with. What do you guys think I should do about this? Any insight from folks who've gone through something similar? I'd like to talk to her in-person, but aside from hunting her down at work like a creep, I can't organize anything like that. So I'm left with either ghosting her, or telling her through text. Or blocking her on social media, I guess.[/QUOTE] Just ignore her, don't let her use you as a yo-yo, just be done with her and move on. Focus on yourself she obviously does not really care about you.

[QUOTE=blerb;52135129]So there's this gal I used to work with. A couple of years back, I went full "nice guy" on her, and embarrassed myself not only to her, but my entire group of co-workers and friends. Despite this, we've talked here and there over the years. When I say "talked", I really mean she's walked in and out of my life whenever it's been convenient for her. That's not a bad thing on it's own, but she never answers me when I initiate conversation, and has always blatantly lied to me when she's flaked on me (which has been every time we've organized a time to hang out btw). Pretty clear to me that I'm a "friend" as opposed to an actual friend. However, she's been slightly more persistent lately, particularly this past month. She's asked me about my work schedule twice now, and randomly messaged me last week with some small talk. We eventually got on the topic of my job search, and she offered to pull some strings where she works. Before I continue, keep in mind that this gal works for her BF's parents. Yikes. Pretty weird thing to offer me, but I eventually agreed, and I asked if she could put in a good word a few days later. Read my message, didn't respond. Honestly? I'm about ready to tell this girl to fuck herself and leave me alone for good. I wouldn't be such an ass about it, of course. But I'm so sick of this woman yanking my chain. I'm upset with myself for letting it go on for this long, too. I wasted so much time pining for this random woman I know so little of, who isn't even a stellar individual to begin with. What do you guys think I should do about this? Any insight from folks who've gone through something similar? I'd like to talk to her in-person, but aside from hunting her down at work like a creep, I can't organize anything like that. So I'm left with either ghosting her, or telling her through text. Or blocking her on social media, I guess.[/QUOTE] You don't have to tell someone to fuck themselves to get them to leave you alone, dude. You seem to be worried that you went full 'nice guy' with her, well its a pretty 'nice guy' thing to do to just abruptly tell someone to go fuck themselves because they're being flakey on you You seem to think the only options are to either ghost her completely, or tell her to fuck herself, or block her on social media. Why not just accept that she's not a good friend to you, maybe stop investing in her texting you and stop responding so readily or expecting anything more from her? Why invest any emotion in someone like that?

[QUOTE=killerteacup;52135141]You don't have to tell someone to fuck themselves to get them to leave you alone, dude. You seem to be worried that you went full 'nice guy' with her, well its a pretty 'nice guy' thing to do to just abruptly tell someone to go fuck themselves because they're being flakey on you You seem to think the only options are to either ghost her completely, or tell her to fuck herself, or block her on social media. Why not just accept that she's not a good friend to you, maybe stop investing in her texting you and stop responding so readily or expecting anything more from her? Why invest any emotion in someone like that?[/QUOTE] Your first paragraph is worthy of the bad reading rating, but the second one is a fair enough point. I feel as if you're missing my ultimate point, though. Which is fine, you don't have all the information on the situation and I can't adequately convey it to you. I don't sit around with baited breath waiting for her reply. Yes, I did when it came to the job discussion, simply because it's an urgency in my life at the moment. It was my mistake to assume she was actually offering to help me as opposed to just stating she [i]could[/i] help, I guess. Regardless, I don't hold it against her when she doesn't answer some mundane question or a meme I've sent. I want to go with one of those three options because I'd rather feel a sense of finality with her. Again, can't lay every card on the table, so you'll have to take my word on it when I say she's had her fair shake at being someone in my life. I am done, and if I "just accept that she's not a good friend to me, maybe stop investing in her texting me and stop responding so readily or expecting anything more from her" (sick assumption list btw), she'll just keep pulling the same stuff she always has; random messages, random visits at work. Always at the edge of my horizon. I don't want that anymore. I want us to either lay ourselves out to each other, or move on and stop meddling in each other's shit.

Hey people. I've been lurking in this thread for years reading all the interesting content all of you post, but I have personally not had the need to post here myself until now. I should start by introducing myself - hi, I'm Chris and I'm 20 years old. I'm a totally normal person who studies at the University of Copenhagen and goes to party on Fridays. I have a two jobs and I have some cool hobbies like art, acting and working on cars. With that out of the way, I really want to get into a relationship again after my most recent broke up back in November 2014. I have no issues speaking with people at parties and I always tend to find someone cool to hang out with. Normally, we tend to hit off at the party and we go for a dance or a drink and everything feels totes cool at the party. However, I always end up not asking if I can have their number or their Facebook profile because I shy out as we leave. It just ends with a "Man, it was great to meet you and stay safe" or something along those lines and I just feel like it ruins everything as I'm expected to make the first move. I'll give a little anecdote from the party I went to just a few hours ago. A gal from my team at Uni had brought one of her collegues to the party. She was great, we talked and she seemed really nice and we shared a lot of interests. We hung out for ours and she's great. However, once again, I totally pussy out at the end because I just don't have the balls to ask for her number or profile. I get this nervous voice saying "What if she won't give you it?" or "Isn't it weird because she's a collegue of one of my good friends?" or "What if she'll laugh at me with her collegue?". I don't think anything would happen, it's just that little voice. When I introduced myself, she even started with "Oh hi Chris! So you're the Chris I've been told about". I was wondering if I should ask my friend from the Uni team what her collegue thought about yesterday, but that seems a tad weird as well. They're both great friends just like I am a great friend of her on the team. Here lies the question - what would you people do in this situation? I've tried sending a friend request if I've met someone I hit off with but first the day after and it always ends up awkwardly, as if they don't have any interest in having a conversation on Face. It also seems a little creepy to add them a a day or two later without having asked prior (but maybe that's just me?).

New Tinder Social opener: "Eat my ass like a cupcake!" Really gets the conversation going.

Oh are we doing bad tinder openers now? I got one: "hey! my ball just rolled in here, can I go get it?".

[I]"What has 128 teeth and holds back the Hulk?" "What?" "My zipper!" [/I]

Did it work?

No..

[QUOTE=arleitiss;52134347]Yeah when I am talking to someone from workplace in person (especially higher position) - I tend to glance into their eyes as I talk then look away as I listen. I can't listen and look into someones eyes.[/QUOTE] As part of my mental health conditions I do this when I'm feeling anxious, particularly around people I've just met. I can't look them in the eye to save my life.

If someone tells you that they are not looking for a relationship, it most probably means a relationship [B]not[/B] with you.

Not sure how to tell this but my cousin who never was able to walk because of birth problems, something to do with oxygen that messed with his brain began walking out of no where yesterday. People around him think it's a mircale since he and his family were at a church service at that time and he just began walking at church so alot of people saw it and everyone was shocked. Now they think that particular priest that held the church service "healed" him. Now everything is still very unclear but everyone is in shock since my cousin have had alot of surgeries to try to fix his legs so he can walk but none were a success so he has been sitting in his chair all of his life. ( he is 27 years old) Note that my cousin does not live in Sweden so me and my family have not seen it. Last time i saw him was last summer but at that time it was impossible for him to stand or move his lower body at all. Personally i'm very happy and i hope he will be able to walk normally but i call bullshit on the priest thing. This is so wierd.

[QUOTE=Bucketboy;52139856]Not sure how to tell this but my cousin who never was able to walk because of birth problems, something to do with oxygen that messed with his brain began walking out of no where yesterday. People around him think it's a mircale since he and his family were at a church service at that time and he just began walking at church so alot of people saw it and everyone was shocked. Now they think that particular priest that held the church service "healed" him. Now everything is still very unclear but everyone is in shock since my cousin have had alot of surgeries to try to fix his legs so he can walk but none were a success so he has been sitting in his chair all of his life. ( he is 27 years old) Note that my cousin does not live in Sweden so me and my family have not seen it. Last time i saw him was last summer but at that time it was impossible for him to stand or move his lower body at all. Personally i'm very happy and i hope he will be able to walk normally but i call bullshit on the priest thing. This is so wierd.[/QUOTE] I'm no doctor, so maybe Zonesylvania can explain this, but how the dickens could he walk without having to work through possible muscular atrophy if he's never been able to walk in his life? In my case, after the motorcycle accident, I couldn't (or rather, wasn't) allowed to walk for a few months because of screws and the like in my knee. The first time I stood up and tried to take a step forward, I fell flat on my face. :v: Was he still undergoing some sort of physiotherapy to get him to walk when this happened?

[QUOTE=arleitiss;52134040]Anybody else cant stare into someones eyes? I find myself always looking at someone and when they turn around and we make eye contact - I immediately flick my look somewhere else :v: When I was in Alps on holiday, I started chatting to one girl and we started spending time together, going on night walks and snowboarding together during day, we hit it off quickly (even though we both realized it was only for duration of holiday) and as we sat and had dinner - she said: "lets play a game, who can stare into another's eyes longer". It was a disaster, I started laughing the moment the eye sights met. I think if someone came up to me and told me someone I know died and started into my eyes - I would start laughing hysterically and put into crazy house.[/QUOTE] I stare other people into the eyes a lot, stranger or not. In stranger-cases it might just be accidentally locking eyes with someone walking past. Usually it ends up with the other person looking away. My girlfriend has commented on that, saying that I have "unique looking eyes" and that I "look into her eyes so intensely" and she loves it (thankfully :v:).

[QUOTE=snookypookums;52140029]I'm no doctor, so maybe Zonesylvania can explain this, but how the dickens could he walk without having to work through possible muscular atrophy if he's never been able to walk in his life? In my case, after the motorcycle accident, I couldn't (or rather, wasn't) allowed to walk for a few months because of screws and the like in my knee. The first time I stood up and tried to take a step forward, I fell flat on my face. :v: Was he still undergoing some sort of physiotherapy to get him to walk when this happened?[/QUOTE] He has done alot of surgeries in his legs to try to fix them to atleast do some basic stuff but none were really a success. He used to do physiotherapy especially after the surgeries but that did not help at all.