Super Friendly Social and Love Advice v8 - Stop spamming her with texts. - General

Or sit close to her and complain about the phlegm guy, [I]hatred brings people together. [/I] [QUOTE=MendozaMan;52153840]I'm gonna start saying this Giving numbers to how much you like appearance is kind of completely childish Either you like it or you don't. Going "woooah 10/10 ew look at that 7/10" is degrading to others and TO YOURSELF.[/QUOTE] Tbh I dont' think it's as black and white as you like someone or you don't. But giving numbers is a bit odd to me. I always felt it is too absolute, as attraction and preference is subjective. What is a 6-7 for some, could be a 9-10 for you so who cares about rating.

[QUOTE=MendozaMan;52153840]I'm gonna start saying this Giving numbers to how much you like appearance is kind of completely childish Either you like it or you don't. Going "woooah 10/10 ew look at that 7/10" is degrading to others and TO YOURSELF.[/QUOTE] A guy in my division is very wise and rates people solely on a binary scale. They're either a 1 or a 0, you'd either shag them or you wouldn't, how attractive they actually are beyond that doesn't really mean anything. I guess it's still degrading but it's the military so having thick skin and being childish comes with the territory.

[QUOTE=MaverickIB;52154261]A guy in my division is very wise and rates people solely on a binary scale. They're either a 1 or a 0, you'd either shag them or you wouldn't, how attractive they actually are beyond that doesn't really mean anything. I guess it's still degrading but it's the military so having thick skin and being childish comes with the territory.[/QUOTE] Wear to god there was a TV show or something which had: 1 = Would Bang 0 = Would not bang

[QUOTE=ljh;52153848]Tbh I dont' think it's as black and white as you like someone or you don't. But giving numbers is a bit odd to me. I always felt it is too absolute, as attraction and preference is subjective. What is a 6-7 for some, could be a 9-10 for you so who cares about rating.[/QUOTE] Exactly, Althought I do hate when people are nitpicky as fuck when it comes to considering someone attractive. Like one time was talking to this one guy and we got to the subject of the girls in our class. him: "Man, really wish I could be in some of the other classes. The girls in our are kinda meh" me: "I don't know that one that sit in front of me during lectures is pretty cute" him: " Oh her? dude that girl is skinny as fuck lol" Well, excuse you. And for the record the girl we were talking about is pretty much around average weight. I doubt she could be considered a twig.

It is kind of mean to talk about others like that. I wouldn't say that unless I were concerned about that individual's health. (Like them being so skinny or overweight it'd make me worried.) I don't get the whole nitpickyness either, if I don't consider someone attractive I just say they're not my type. Because I don't think it's wrong to not find someone attractive. As opposed to voicing my opinion on what I really dislike about them. Each their preference, so long they're not shitheads about it.

Got xray arranged for next month (for my back fractures progress) which I am certain will tell me that I can take it off in a month or so finally. It's fucking bizzare to realize how fast I've healed over past month. Just a little over month ago I first time sat up on bed after being in horizontal immobile position for a month and it was painful as fuck in back and dizzy and barely could walk. Today: I am back home for past month and I am running up and down my stairs (Doctors told me to step one step at the time as I start off to get used to walking) and now I am fucking skipping and jumping over steps :v: Back then I could only lie on my back now I spin like centrifuge at night time as I sleep (my usual sleep pattern) and it's painless. Also got my car fixed finally, when I got rekt by car - my car and apartment keys were in my jackets chest pocket. When my jacket was cut off from me by ER/Ambulance staff - it got thrown out so RIP keys. Ended up paying 280 euro to restore fucking car keys but hey - it's cheaper than new car. Found medical claims solicitor and he said I can win quite a lot (in ranges of 5 digit numbers) so legal shit will begin soon once doctors give me greenlight to drive again. At first I was gonna get brand new car for that money (which is nearly guaranteed win) but then I remembered my dream from few years ago: I don't wanna stay in Ireland, I wanna move somewhere where: 1) People are friendly (same as in Ireland) 2) There is snow and proper seasons (Same as in Ukraine where I am from but Ukraine fails #1) 3) Somewhere where nature is just amazing/spectacular (Ireland fails at it unfortunately) 4) Somewhere where I can go snowboarding by few hours drive than flight (Ireland fails this point) 5) Somewhere where English is main spoken language (at this point I am more proficient with English than my native language - Russian) So... Canada? Last time I wanted it - I was 19 and still in college poor af, fast forward now - I am 23, working as software engineer and if I receive lump sum of cash - I could easily move and start fresh slate. By the time I get that cash (around a year for all legal shit and verdict) - I will have 3-4 years experience in my field which (I am hoping is enough to secure job in Canada) I am still thinking though, I mean changing country isn't like moving from apartment to another apartment, it's whole new fucking country with different side of driving on roads. The main problem is - I know fuck all about Canada, in terms of cities - I only know Ottawa and Vancouver, and I know maple syrup and awesome looking Moose.

I was at the mall having lunch, while through it I spotted a really cute(to me at least) girl waiting for her order by the corner of one of the restaurants for a couple of mins. I finished my meal and there she was, still waiting for her meal, so I figured "Why not give it a shot?" so I got up and I was making my way to her, I was literally about 6 or 7 steps from her, when she turned her back to me, I don't think it was because of me coming, just to check if her order was coming or not because it was taking sometime already, anyway, and for some reason I just called the quits, stopped, turned around and went my way home. I regret doing that but it was self driven. However, I actually have no idea what would I say or do when I got to her, I was just going for it.

[QUOTE=Dahaka32;52158250]I was at the mall having lunch, while through it I spotted a really cute(to me at least) girl waiting for her order by the corner of one of the restaurants for a couple of mins. I finished my meal and there she was, still waiting for her meal, so I figured "Why not give it a shot?" so I got up and I was making my way to her, I was literally about 6 or 7 steps from her, when she turned her back to me, I don't think it was because of me coming, just to check if her order was coming or not because it was taking sometime already, anyway, and for some reason I just called the quits, stopped, turned around and went my way home. I regret doing that but it was self driven. However, I actually have no idea what would I say or do when I got to her, I was just going for it.[/QUOTE] JUST DO IT

"are you still waiting for your food?" But you have to FIGHT that quitting feeling. Feels kinda shitty right now having walked away doesn't it? I know that feeling. A few times I forced myself, against all my thoughts telling me not to, to just go up to someone and start talking and each time it worked out fine. And at the end you feel really good because you actually did something you thought you could never do. Then since you did it, it's not gonna be that scary next time but you have to get over that initial hump of JUST DOING IT

I have to admit I get scared a lot most of the times so woman my age don't get the wrong impression. In a perfect world where such a big influx of creeps, rapists and overall needy weirdos didn't exist I would probably be more open to talk to women. I've seen so many cases documented by other girls about guys trying to take advantage of them. It would usually start with harmless small talk from the guy's part then it would sometimes develop into treaths after getting the girl's number or hardcore stalking. Might seem like something stupid to worry about but I care way too much on a good first impression to just throw it away on a random conversation. Specially since I've seen woman be visually afraid of me when I talked to them even thought I never meant any harm at all.

[QUOTE=arleitiss;52157365]canada[/QUOTE] well you're gonna have to brush on the Canadian language, it's gonna be hard to find a job only speaking english

[QUOTE=Hilton;52158934]well you're gonna have to brush on the Canadian language, it's gonna be hard to find a job only speaking english[/QUOTE] I read a while ago that French is only needed if you want to work for Government or want to live in Eastern part or something? wait there isn't another language literally: "Canadian" is there? :v: I never heard of it if there is.

Canadian is just English spoken by a polite person with a tendency to end their sentences with an "eh?". Closer to British than to American English in terms of manners. Also, you only need 4 languages to speak with the entire American supercontinent, and French is quite minoritary compared to English, Spanish and Portuguese.

[QUOTE=OvB;52151521]I found that forcing yourself to be social is the best way to get over social anxiety. I remember just last semester I had no real friends that I hung out with outside of class, and asking people to do things was almost impossible. I pained over asking my closest friend if he wanted to go to a bar... I never asked him. Queue this semester, I forced myself to hang out. Had him over for the Superbowl. We started going to the bar together, met more friend's, started eating lunch out with them 3 times a week. I started volunteering, and going to campus events. Just about the only thing I didn't get was a romantic relationship... You just have to stick your neck out and have some faith. It'll take some time but you'll get there.[/QUOTE] Couple days late but definitely, forcing yourself to go out is the way to do it imo. Another thing I've found is super productive is to always say yes to a social opportunity, even if it sounds dull. I can't count the number of times I paced around my room thinking "do I really want to drive all the way there?", "I don't even know anybody that's going", "I hate that band", "I've been there before", etc.. Only to go out and have an incredible night. Never underestimate the unexpected. You might go out to something that sounds (and maybe even is!) super lame, and then out of nowhere someone suggests something awesome or you meet someone new and really hit it off! [QUOTE=MendozaMan;52153840]I'm gonna start saying this Giving numbers to how much you like appearance is kind of completely childish Either you like it or you don't. Going "woooah 10/10 ew look at that 7/10" is degrading to others and TO YOURSELF.[/QUOTE] I feel like this is just something people say to feel a sense of moral superiority or something. There's definitely a sliding scale of attraction. Of course people can be shitty about it and use the "number system" to degrade people, but rating attractiveness I don't think is inherently degrading or shitty. Are you really going to tell me that your attraction to others is totally binary, just yes or no? You don't find people somewhat attractive versus super attractive?

Update: She was a bit cold to me at the start of the day, but by the end we had a good chat and a few jokes.

I don't know what to think or feel at the moment. Amongst a ton of negative thoughts concerning my attitude toward someone I've got a crush on is how I can possibly unlatch from them to negate the effects of them not reciprocating my feelings. About two or three weeks ago, I purposefully crossed the threshold out of my comfort zone -- [I]hard[/I] -- by going to a party with a friend on a summit in the next town over. I had an amazing night, to my surprise, especially considering that I'm a person who dislikes how superficial parties (like the ones with alcohol and drugs and whatnot) can be, compounded even more with the fact that I've never drank, smoked, or popped anything in my life (currently eighteen as of two days ago). While I was there, I noticed a girl who was really reserved and kept to herself, even in the presence of 9 or 10 people around a bonfire. She stayed in her car for most of the hangout. Chalking it up to be more than just her being a self centered asshole like everyone else thought she was being, I went to go talk to her. To make a long story short, we talked for about an hour and a half without pause; things about her life, college, where she works, etc. We eventually started to talk about my own life -- I brought up my current situation at home (kind of rough; my dad is a subject of kidney failure, blindness from head trauma, and a bone infection that's prevented him from walking -- plus how my older brother has suffered from a heroin addiction and has nowhere else to go). She insisted that it was okay that I told her about it, so I hesitantly started explaining. We had to cut it short, though, because there were people that needed to go home (I was in her car sitting next to her in the passenger seat). I got her Snapchat and ended up talking to her two days later. We talked for 4 hours about all sorts of things -- among them was the story about how my life became what it is now (I'd like to think it meant something to her... because she saved one of the paragraphs I sent), our future / career / education, writing. She opened up about herself, and in doing so I realized that there's a lot that we share. Our mutual friend insists (to me) that our connection is a bit different, in the way that she displays more care about me than anyone in our group. He basically said that she never hits anyone up first (she did for me), never gives long paragraph responses (same thing...), and does little things that he says she wouldn't do for anyone else among our friends. We have a lot in common and we mesh pretty well, apart from the fact that she's pragmatic and I'm idealistic (we both assume the worst about everything, but I like to magnify the light in otherwise awful situations). The only major problem that I have right now is that I've dug my nails into her -- subconsciously -- and I don't know how to get them out. By no means have I tried to pit her against uncomfortable situations, nor have I tried to make any sort of unwanted advances or said things that could be construed as corny or ill-fitting for the situation. The [i]last[/i] fucking thing I'd want to do is come off as a stereotypical Nice Guy or creep, so I've been considering my words as carefully as possible. Space is something very important to me, too, so… As of right now I've been very anxious and don't know what to do. My mind has been awash with thoughts to do with her. I really like her. I become sad and anxious when she doesn't say anything to me during the day, even though I've realized full well that she has a life of her own and that her not hitting me up isn't indicative of her not caring about me. My mind can be pretty much summarized like this: “She hasn’t said anything to me all day. She MUST dislike me / I HAD TO have said something that made her uncomfortable.” or… “She listened to me when I told her about my rough home life. She HAS TO be talking to me out of pity!” or “She hasn't replied in half an hour. I'm obviously not welcome to talk to her!!” Ad nauseam. And it's made worse by the medication I take on schooldays. All of my thoughts to do with her are very irrational and ridiculous. I don't know what to do; as it stands I'm deeply infatuated with her and adore her personality (and looks, of course) but I'm fucking sick of the retarded conclusions I'm jumping to without even trying. I just want to know how to unlatch myself from her -- so in the event that she rejects me I can just brush my shoulders off and keep moving. As it stands I feel as though it'll hurt a ton and I don't know what to do to realize that it's not as deep and cruel as I'm imagining it. How do I keep myself grounded in reality? How do I deflect the effects of being rejected if it just so happens that she doesn't like me?

Meet more people, get involved in activities that interest you, essentially focus on what's in your own life and improve It may not truly help fix the issue, emotions are incomprehensible irrational messes, but if you distract yourself long enough doing these things, you might just realise later on that you did in fact move on easily

Stop worrying so hard. Seriously. If what your friends are saying is true- that you've got a special connection with her- then it'd be pretty hard to screw that up by just being yourself. If it's natural and you're not forcing it, you can't really do the wrong things with the right people. If you keep worrying so heavily about it eventually then things are going to become weird and you'll both end up drifting apart. Remember that first and foremost she's your friend, and allow the relationship to develop from there. That's a big part of what saves me personally from that kind of runaway thought process with anybody I'm interested in.

Stop worrying is the absolute best advice in your situation, but I know first hand that it's also the hardest piece of advice to follow. Worrying too much about messing up is what will make you mess things up. I was freaking out about the girl that I had a good connection with and it ended up driving her back to her ex. Just relax. If she's in to you, it's because of how you do things and if you start to change that now it's not going to help your situation at all. Most people only learn that lesson the hard way.

As sad as it is people come and go in your life. That's just how it works. The best thing to do is go and meet more people that way you always have another connection when one doesn't really turned out the way you expected. I'm trying to bash this lesson into my brain as well but is proving to be difficult. I'm gonna sound cheesy and melodramatic as fuck but the past few weeks have been really hard to me. Every song, Every word, every line of dialogue I heard the last few days keeps reminding me of that girl. I'm seriously considering moving out of my home country when I get the chance so it drops the possibilty of me being reminded of her existence considerably. Somedays I wish I could carry on but I'm still chained and stuck in the past.

Okay so this has been bothering me for a while, I have this friend who I think is an emotional drain to talk to. First of all, he constantly says things like, I hate you, you're a bad person, etc during our conversations and I laugh it off, then he'll later come up to me and say that he was half serious. He does this a lot, for example, just today, I refused to play a game with him, and he kept asking me, I once again laugh this off and then he gets angry, demanding to be taken seriously. My problem is, when I talk to him it's hard to take him seriously, it always feels like he's joking or being ironic.

[QUOTE=Snakebot;52163436]Okay so this has been bothering me for a while, I have this friend who I think is an emotional drain to talk to. First of all, he constantly says things like, I hate you, you're a bad person, etc during our conversations and I laugh it off, then he'll later come up to me and say that he was half serious. He does this a lot, for example, just today, I refused to play a game with him, and he kept asking me, I once again laugh this off and then he gets angry, demanding to be taken seriously. My problem is, when I talk to him it's hard to take him seriously, it always feels like he's joking or being ironic.[/QUOTE] Cut him off. There's no reason to carry a burden. If he's not willing to improve as a person to the point where he's worth your company, don't give it to him. All relationships should be 50/50, as in, I try, you try. Anything less than that breeds resentment. I'm having a problem where I think I might need like medication or something. I don't know what's wrong with me, but I just can't enjoy myself. I have a friend who is in a band and they always invite me to shows, and I've been to a few, but every time I go I always find myself contemplating not wanting to live anymore. I just see all the people dancing and having fun and I get wrapped up in this thought loop of wishing I knew what it was I was missing, because I hate everything about it and all I want is to feel the joy I'm surrounded by. I don't enjoy the music, it's too loud to talk, the few conversations I do have are just dudes who already know me asking where I've been, haven't seen me in forever, it's good to see me, and then after they walk away I'm just back inside my head to "I don't want to be alive and I wish I could figure out how to [i]want[/i] to be here like everyone else around me". Am I the only one who walks away from a concert/show/gathering/party with nothing but intense depression? Maybe I just need medication. I bought tickets for a Paul Simon show in June, an artist I actually like. That way I'll know for sure if maybe I just don't like the music and that's why the scenario brings me down because it's just not my style. But I'm not even looking forward to that show either really. I kinda foresee the same thing happening there. Except surrounded by old people so I won't even be around my peers I'll be even more out of place. And if maybe I just don't like concerts, what the fuck else do young adults do to get out and have fun and socialize besides concerts? That don't involve drinking? It'd be nice to go to a place where I can speak with women, but not feel intense existential dread. Like right now I'm googling "concert depression" and all the results are about "post concert depression" which is where people see the show of their dreams and enjoy every second of it, and then they're super sad that it's over. That is so far away from how I feel and how I felt that, like I said, maybe there's something chemically wrong with me.

[QUOTE=J Paul;52163578]I'm having a problem where I think I might need like medication or something. I don't know what's wrong with me, but I just can't enjoy myself. I have a friend who is in a band and they always invite me to shows, and I've been to a few, but every time I go I always find myself contemplating not wanting to live anymore. I just see all the people dancing and having fun and I get wrapped up in this thought loop of wishing I knew what it was I was missing, because I hate everything about it and all I want is to feel the joy I'm surrounded by. I don't enjoy the music, it's too loud to talk, the few conversations I do have are just dudes who already know me asking where I've been, haven't seen me in forever, it's good to see me, and then after they walk away I'm just back inside my head to "I don't want to be alive and I wish I could figure out how to [i]want[/i] to be here like everyone else around me". Am I the only one who walks away from a concert/show/gathering/party with nothing but intense depression? Maybe I just need medication. I bought tickets for a Paul Simon show in June, an artist I actually like. That way I'll know for sure if maybe I just don't like the music and that's why the scenario brings me down because it's just not my style. But I'm not even looking forward to that show either really. I kinda foresee the same thing happening there. Except surrounded by old people so I won't even be around my peers I'll be even more out of place. And if maybe I just don't like concerts, what the fuck else do young adults do to get out and have fun and socialize besides concerts? That don't involve drinking? It'd be nice to go to a place where I can speak with women, but not feel intense existential dread. Like right now I'm googling "concert depression" and all the results are about "post concert depression" which is where people see the show of their dreams and enjoy every second of it, and then they're super sad that it's over. That is so far away from how I feel and how I felt that, like I said, maybe there's something chemically wrong with me.[/QUOTE] Basically sounds like textbook introversion. I can't stand concerts either, for pretty much all the same reasons. It's not really a problem unless all your friends are extroverts, because they'll often try to make you think something's wrong with you for not enjoying the same loud crazy activities they enjoy. What I've always read is that introverts need either alone time, or quiet time with really close friends in order to feel recharged, and going out doing high-energy intense extrovert shit is what drains them. Extroverts would be the opposite of course, where they need that kind of intense social activity to feel normal, and staying home alone just drives them nuts. Extroverts also tend to dominate what's considered a social norm, because they share their interest so much more loudly, so this includes the idea that people who don't like going to concerts must be INSANE. It's the reason I don't tell people I just don't like concerts whenever the subject comes up. I get way more excited when my favorite band releases a new album than I do when I find out they're going to be playing in town. Even with free tickets to the concert, I would be more excited about buying a new album.

[QUOTE=Loofiloo;52163677]Basically sounds like textbook introversion. I can't stand concerts either, for pretty much all the same reasons. It's not really a problem unless all your friends are extroverts, because they'll often try to make you think something's wrong with you for not enjoying the same loud crazy activities they enjoy. What I've always read is that introverts need either alone time, or quiet time with really close friends in order to feel recharged, and going out doing high-energy intense extrovert shit is what drains them. Extroverts would be the opposite of course, where they need that kind of intense social activity to feel normal, and staying home alone just drives them nuts. Extroverts also tend to dominate what's considered a social norm, because they share their interest so much more loudly, so this includes the idea that people who don't like going to concerts must be INSANE. It's the reason I don't tell people I just don't like concerts whenever the subject comes up. I get way more excited when my favorite band releases a new album than I do when I find out they're going to be playing in town. Even with free tickets to the concert, I would be more excited about buying a new album.[/QUOTE] Yeah you're probably right. There's no reason I [I]have[/I] to like stuff that everyone else likes. I could just not like concerts. And that's fine. Now my problem though is the other thing I mentioned. If I just don't like those social situations, how or where else do I meet and talk to girls?

So about a week ago I'm out with some coworkers and we go to Denny's after our shift because they're the only place open after midnight here and I one of my coworkers is throwing stuff across the table at another coworker and they're going back and forth. I got annoyed and I yelled at them to stop but I didn't mean to say it so angrily and now it just feels weird and I feel like now they're trying to kick me out of the group. Like we did it to another person because they were pissy and I'm spooked it's gonna happen to me, like the idea of being betrayed is spooky cause I've been sold down the river by friends before and I'll be damned if it happens again. I apologized to her and she said it's cool but everything's just feeling really weird, like they aren't inviting me to go out after work on days I got off like before. We hung out a few nights ago though which is cool but I dunno, everything just feels very weird. I just feel really vulnerable right now. @Above - OKcupid? I know it's a dating site but it's free and stuff so what could you lose if that doesn't work.

[QUOTE=J Paul;52164309]Yeah you're probably right. There's no reason I [I]have[/I] to like stuff that everyone else likes. I could just not like concerts. And that's fine. Now my problem though is the other thing I mentioned. If I just don't like those social situations, how or where else do I meet and talk to girls?[/QUOTE] I guess it depends on the kind of social situations you DO like. I would say that even if there's something you mildly enjoy, try pursuing it. A couple nights ago I coordinated a board game night at one of my jobs, and I'm not super into board games, but I still met some new people through that one event. I meet tons of people at anime conventions, but I guess that doesn't work if you don't have a big weeb side.

Does anyone know anything about this problem: I fall for girl, talk to her for long time, get uninterested, get rid of her. Not even the fact that the "infatuation" goes away, the problem is every thought in my mind says to get rid of them. What could have been a trigger is my mom told me to go experience different girls personalities, then... I emotionally and psychologically started to.

So I've posted about my general lack of success with Tinder, how I usually go through a full day's worth of likes and am lucky to get one match in that whole stretch. And I don't give just ANYONE a like either, I'm actually somewhat selective. But for some reason, tonight I got through a batch of likes and matched with EIGHT people. And those were just the immediate ones, maybe more will pop up tomorrow or something. I don't know what the hell changed. I'm still not sure how many of them are actual people though. Some looked pretty botty

[QUOTE=SebiWarrior;52130167]There's always time for that later, don't be scared :pyramid:[/QUOTE] Welp. Apparently they took it back and said my contract isnt getting extended and 3 more people are being laid off :v: fml. I am 23, I only have 2 years experience in IBM and 1 year in some small company as data entry guy and I have no savings :v: Now it's time to be scared :< I've never been searching for job, it always found me but now I feel like fish released from aquarium into the sea.

[QUOTE=gnampf;52169872] I apologized to her and she said it's cool but everything's just feeling really weird, like they aren't inviting me to go out after work on days I got off like before. We hung out a few nights ago though which is cool but I dunno, everything just feels very weird. I just feel really vulnerable right now.[/QUOTE] Are you sure there isn't anything else going on on your end? I got in a big fight with one of my friends recently because he was being annoying, but I completely overreacted and it got really awkward between us. Eventually I figured out that I was pretty stressed out about some totally unrelated stuff and I was letting it affect our interactions. Opening up about that helped.