Super Friendly Social and Love Advice v8 - Stop spamming her with texts. - General

So, there has always been this guy that I have always been mentally connected with...but honestly, he was always kind of a player. We dated once when I was younger, and I got super caught up on him. We talked for a while, with nothing really coming from it. It was a weird situation where, although I had moved on, I still thought about him and thought about what could happen. Well, the universe works in mysterious ways. I finally got the chance to catch up with him, I was so excited it was beyond words. I had built up this person, who honestly was more fantasy in my head than reality. And even though I had spent so much time thinking of this person in the past, when met face to face with reality - I realised that it wasn't what I wanted at all. So the entirety of this post is to let all of that go. Let go the time I spent thinking of him, let go of his fake words and dreams, to let it all go because I deserve something better. I know what I want, and it's something real. Not something I created in my head while being ignored by someone who clearly never had positive intentions.

Its amazing how much we can idealize someone to the point it ruins our own perception of said person.

[QUOTE=Metaru;52181118]Its amazing how much we can idealize someone to the point it ruins our own perception of said person.[/QUOTE] Soridu point, boss.

So how can I stop letting other people's perception of me affect me? I feel like the vast majority of my thoughts go towards trying to impress people or avoid being humiliated by them. At work I usually need to provide services and speak to people who are like three times older and twice as bigger than me and they don't always go easy on me. In the best of the worst situations, they just decline any chances of me to serve them and just want to speak to my boss directly ("You're young and without experience, I want to talk with a person with experience"-kind of deal). In the worst situations I have had older people lecture me about things or straight up being insulted or treated as if I was stupid. i.e They ask me for a part that is difficult to get. I explain them that it's difficult to get and might actually be hard to find, we also don't sell it and I don't have a price for it. They proceed to lecture me that "those parts exist anywhere" and even a "blacksmith could build them" while also looking at me down for not knowing it. My usual behaivor is just keeping calm and try to be carefree about it, but I can only go so far without the thoughts flooding my head saying "you fucked up". Sometimes people scare me though and I don't know what to tell them. How do I stop being freightened from not knowing something?

[QUOTE=Sgt. Nikolai;52182788]So how can I stop letting other people's perception of me affect me? I feel like the vast majority of my thoughts go towards trying to impress people or avoid being humiliated by them. At work I usually need to provide services and speak to people who are like three times older and twice as bigger than me and they don't always go easy on me. In the best of the worst situations, they just decline any chances of me to serve them and just want to speak to my boss directly ("You're young and without experience, I want to talk with a person with experience"-kind of deal). In the worst situations I have had older people lecture me about things or straight up being insulted or treated as if I was stupid. i.e They ask me for a part that is difficult to get. I explain them that it's difficult to get and might actually be hard to find, we also don't sell it and I don't have a price for it. They proceed to lecture me that "those parts exist anywhere" and even a "blacksmith could build them" while also looking at me down for not knowing it. My usual behaivor is just keeping calm and try to be carefree about it, but I can only go so far without the thoughts flooding my head saying "you fucked up". Sometimes people scare me though and I don't know what to tell them. How do I stop being freightened from not knowing something?[/QUOTE] I've worked retail for a while when I was in college and like you, I sorely missed the urge to deck overly entitled customers. But I had a pretty great store manager who taught me something that kinda stuck with me and helped me with the problem you're trying to face. Respect is a two way street - you need to give it, to get it. On top of that, the people who are just transient in your life are people not worth wasting time trying to impress with your knowledge. Just be competent, professional and if they choose to be dicks, then so be it. You don't need to take it badly - you've got a hell of a lot more people to meet over the course of your lifetime, so this guy/girl is just a small blip on your stats. Apply that principle for a lot of people in your life who aren't nearly as close to you as you think they are, and you'll find letting it go a lot easier. This also, strangely enough, helped me get over pre-date night anxiety - Since I don't know if I'll ever see the girl again (or that there'll be more following here) I tend to focus less on impressing her but more on just having fun or creating a nice happy little moment for myself. There are people worth impressing, but those are the people who know and love you the way you are, so just be the best version of yourself. If you're competent, professional at what you do at all times and respectful of your coworkers, you won't [I]need[/I] to impress people anymore - you're [I]already[/I] impressive. About being frightened about not knowing something - don't be. You have nothing to fear and fear is counter productive. Just admit in the nicest possible way "You know, I'm not quite sure, Sir/Ma'am. Let me quickly check and get back to you." and take it as a learning opportunity (especially if you need to bring in someone senior to close). No information is better than false information as a salesman; the latter damages your trust and admitting your lack of knowledge but desire to find out is still persuasive for a customer, because they think you're now working in their best interests.

Man, I'm feeling super down right now. It's my last quarter at uni and I'm taking this writing class and I'm in this group with 4 really cool people, and one of them is this really attractive girl. And not even just physically attractive, but like, mentally attractive too. The thing that sucks is that I haven't met people like this, people that I actually click with and get along with, since high school. I think it might be because of my degree (Computer Science), but everyone I have met in college for the most part has been really reserved and not very interesting to talk to or hang out with. Or just those types of people who are super polite and "chill" with everything, but don't really vibe with you. The people in this group jive with me really well. It's really hard to explain. Fuck man. I don't know how the hell I'm make friends like that after college, let alone meet a girl like that. She is [i]so[/i] attractive... like just all around. I was really looking forward to graduating and getting the hell out of here but now I'm starting to get nostalgic for a college experience I never had. I wish I took this class earlier.

[QUOTE=Not64;52183675]Man, I'm feeling super down right now. It's my last quarter at uni and I'm taking this writing class and I'm in this group with 4 really cool people, and one of them is this really attractive girl. And not even just physically attractive, but like, mentally attractive too. The thing that sucks is that I haven't met people like this, people that I actually click with and get along with, since high school. I think it might be because of my degree (Computer Science), but everyone I have met in college for the most part has been really reserved and not very interesting to talk to or hang out with. Or just those types of people who are super polite and "chill" with everything, but don't really vibe with you. The people in this group jive with me really well. It's really hard to explain. Fuck man. I don't know how the hell I'm make friends like that after college, let alone meet a girl like that. She is [I]so[/I] attractive... like just all around. I was really looking forward to graduating and getting the hell out of here but now I'm starting to get nostalgic for a college experience I never had. I wish I took this class earlier.[/QUOTE] My college messed up when I first got there and assigned me to the CompSci dorms even though I was a Geography major. My advice is to give people a chance and let them open up. From my experience, a lot of guys in that field (the types in most of your classes) are very introverted and seem reserved, but if you take the time to get to know them, they can be tons of fun. It's a bummer that you went through all of college without really finding a group. I will say, however, even people with groups like that don't necessarily stay lifelong friends. Out of all the people I partied with very regularly and had strong friendships with, I'm still in contact with only one of them just 3 years later. Don't beat yourself up over it, just learn from it. Sometimes [I]you[/I] have to be the catalyst that forms a friendship. If you just go through life hoping someone wants to be your friend, you're not gonna find much unless you get lucky. You're going into a field with a lot of introverts, if two introverts sit across from each other waiting for the other one to make conversation, ain't shit gonna happen. And even if you do initiate, they aren't used to talking so it's gonna be awkward at first. Just keep working at it, give people a chance to show you who they really are, and you'll form great relationships with honest friends.

I just don't mix well with most programmers. We don't have that much in common. I actually really dislike spending excessive amounts of time on the computer and am not a huge fan of indoor activities (video games, board games, etc.). If I could somehow code without using a computer, I would probably sell mine, because that's all I do on the computer these days besides Photoshop (and occasionally browse Facepunch as of late). No joke. I'm just upset that God had to tease me like this. Maybe it's a sign I shouldn't get into the tech industry and do something else.

[QUOTE=Snakebot;52163436]Okay so this has been bothering me for a while, I have this friend who I think is an emotional drain to talk to. First of all, he constantly says things like, I hate you, you're a bad person, etc during our conversations and I laugh it off, then he'll later come up to me and say that he was half serious. He does this a lot, for example, just today, I refused to play a game with him, and he kept asking me, I once again laugh this off and then he gets angry, demanding to be taken seriously. My problem is, when I talk to him it's hard to take him seriously, it always feels like he's joking or being ironic.[/QUOTE] As J Paul said: leave and forget them if you can't sort out things as it'll just continue to be an emotional drain, especially if they don't care at all about your own wellbeing. While ago I got out of a similar situation where the other person just refused to listen to what I had to say and made it clear they didn't want anything to do with me other than to be used like garbage and painted as yet another example of crazed individuals on the internet, which hurt my feelings of self-worth a bit and everything else.

[QUOTE=Not64;52186614]I just don't mix well with most programmers. We don't have that much in common. I actually really dislike spending excessive amounts of time on the computer and am not a huge fan of indoor activities (video games, board games, etc.). If I could somehow code without using a computer, I would probably sell mine, because that's all I do on the computer these days besides Photoshop (and occasionally browse Facepunch as of late). No joke. I'm just upset that God had to tease me like this. Maybe it's a sign I shouldn't get into the tech industry and do something else.[/QUOTE] sounds like you need to sort your life choices more than your love choices there.

[QUOTE=Not64;52186614]I just don't mix well with most programmers. We don't have that much in common. I actually really dislike spending excessive amounts of time on the computer and am not a huge fan of indoor activities (video games, board games, etc.). If I could somehow code without using a computer, I would probably sell mine, because that's all I do on the computer these days besides Photoshop (and occasionally browse Facepunch as of late). No joke. I'm just upset that God had to tease me like this. Maybe it's a sign I shouldn't get into the tech industry and do something else.[/QUOTE] You really shouldn't go into a career that you're not gonna like.

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So yeah some of you may remember I made a post here about a month ago - well, we ended up talking it out, she thought she could manage those thoughts, but yeah I was always sceptical and last Monday she broke up. I'm not too devastated, but it does feel a bit weird to not be together after 3.5 years. I guess what's both good and bad is that no one is angry with anyone, but it kinda sucks because honestly why would you break up if you still (supposedly, but maybe I just think I'm so great that I don't doubt her too much) love someone? Can't say I understand it, but it takes two to tango, you can't be in a relationship with someone who doesn't want to be in a relationship, so I guess it's kinda pointless to speculate. I'd kinda want to remain in touch, but honestly I don't see my self being able to "just be friends" at this point - and maybe not even in a month or two? We don't really have common close friends, so we won't see each other unless we set out to do it. Feels weird that we may go for a really long while without even talking to each other. Not really asking for advice, just venting a bit here. My biggest fear is basically that I'll get depressed. I don't really see why I should, but before we got together I was in a pretty dark place, at least compared to my usual self. Wasn't very happy for a long time, and felt kinda useless. Worthless, aimless that kind of stuff. It's not like I haven't felt that way since, but knowing that you had someone who cared very much about you was nice. Think it might be because I have a hard time communicating my feelings - maybe because I don't even really trust what I'm feeling. For example, a month ago, I kinda thought "Oh I feel terrible, worthless and I can't go around being in doubt" etc. but at the same time I also kinda thought that I only really told my self that, just so I could feel sorry for my self or something. That I didn't really feel those things at all. Feels like an over rationalization, but that's me for you.

[QUOTE=Kittycatkills;52177948]So, there has always been this guy that I have always been mentally connected with...but honestly, he was always kind of a player. We dated once when I was younger, and I got super caught up on him. We talked for a while, with nothing really coming from it. It was a weird situation where, although I had moved on, I still thought about him and thought about what could happen. Well, the universe works in mysterious ways. I finally got the chance to catch up with him, I was so excited it was beyond words. I had built up this person, who honestly was more fantasy in my head than reality. And even though I had spent so much time thinking of this person in the past, when met face to face with reality - I realised that it wasn't what I wanted at all. So the entirety of this post is to let all of that go. Let go the time I spent thinking of him, let go of his fake words and dreams, to let it all go because I deserve something better. I know what I want, and it's something real. Not something I created in my head while being ignored by someone who clearly never had positive intentions.[/QUOTE] Sorry I didn't mean to dislike, was trying to hit friendly! :S

[QUOTE=GisG56;52193669]Sorry I didn't mean to dislike, was trying to hit friendly! :S[/QUOTE] Just reload page and select the new rating icon.

I've got a second date with a girl tonight. We're going for dinner and then some sort of activity afterwards and then who knows, depending how well it goes I guess. I'm picking her up, so is it best to let her suggest to go back to her place at the end of the night, instead of asking if she'd like to come over to my place? Just wondering what proper etiquette would be in this situation. I'm sure she'd be more comfortable at her place, as I can drive home after, as opposed to giving her a ride back home from my place.

[img]http://i.imgur.com/xHgbfM6.png[/img] Apologies for venting, but that's exactly what I want to deal with my first day of summer break. I just want to relax, not deal with some friend's needy bullshit. Wouldn't it be nice if you could tell your friends to fuck off for a few days without ruining your friendship?

[QUOTE=Araknid;52188448]You really shouldn't go into a career that you're not gonna like.[/QUOTE] The thing is, I actually like programming. Or at least I think I do? Making games is a pretty big hobby of mine when there's nothing else to do. It's just that I don't really get along with most other programmers.

[QUOTE=elevate;52195380][img]http://i.imgur.com/xHgbfM6.png[/img] Apologies for venting, but that's exactly what I want to deal with my first day of summer break. I just want to relax, not deal with some friend's needy bullshit. Wouldn't it be nice if you could tell your friends to fuck off for a few days without ruining your friendship?[/QUOTE] I am that guy right now. I'm sure I'm super annoying and depressing. Coming from his perspective, and speaking to yours though, yeah, cut that shit off. He'll be alright. He'll find someone else. And if he doesn't, he'll log on and start responding to random threads on facepunch. And if he doesn't do that then he'll figure something else out. Don't worry about it. Nobody else is your problem unless you physically birthed them, and even then there's a grey area once it grows up and doesn't need you anymore.

The worst part about not getting over someone is dreaming about them. I hate when that happens I just end up sad, moody and wanting to die!

My greatest physical weakness in my face is my small/recessed chin, it's not exactly an inbred hillbilly overbite but I still hate my own profile for it. Do women care much about recessed chins? How important are chins as a physical feature?

[QUOTE=Daniel Smith;52196608]My greatest physical weakness in my face is my small/recessed chin, it's not exactly an inbred hillbilly overbite but I still hate my own profile for it. Do women care much about recessed chins? How important are chins as a physical feature?[/QUOTE] Not that significant at all. Personal preferences of specific women will far outweigh it, don't worry.

[QUOTE=SataniX;52196641]Not that significant at all. Personal preferences of specific women will far outweigh it, don't worry.[/QUOTE] I really hope it's not that important, other than that there's the fact that I'm out of shape which I plan on correcting as soon as I'm fully healed. Then there's personality, income and independence... Oh boy.

Hey peeps I need some outside perspective. Lately my gf has been doing my head in by saying things like "We don't text as much as we used too", "I feel like you don't want too see me", "You barely call me anymore.", etc. Its driving me insane because none of these things are true. As we've been together for 18 months I am more relaxed in the way that I approach our relationship but I always reassure her I'm committed and just because I'm more relaxed doesn't mean anything. I'm starting to suspect she just wants the relationship to stay in the honeymoon period forever. Is this normal behaviour? How can I address this behaviour if its not? What can I do about it? [editline]7th May 2017[/editline] Apologies if this in the wrong thread, I couldn't find the relationships one.

I never thought getting over someone you weren't even officially dating would be so hard. Looking back on the last three months, I can't figure out what happened. We were good friends, and we started hanging out a lot. She eventually told me she had feelings for me, and I said I felt the same way. She broke up with her LDR boyfriend of a year, we started getting closer than just friends, and I thought I might have something. Then she started backing off. I realize now I was probably just some sort of distraction while she sorted out her BF problems, and a month ago they got back together. So I made peace with this fact, and when we talked about the whole thing she said she caught feelings for me and then one day she just didn't have them anymore. Whatever. But then today I see she's in a relationship with another guy (not her ex) via Facebook, and this is only two weeks after she was spending a lot of time with the other BF. I keep telling myself that I shouldn't want to be with someone who changes their mind on their partner every month, but my mind keeps focusing on her and I hate it. Who knew a single week of being close with someone could fuck me up so bad. [editline]7th May 2017[/editline] Wow I did not mean for that to be three paragraphs.

Starting to feel less motivated to find a relationship, it feels like a chore. Should i just buy a pillow waifu and be done with this?

[QUOTE=RzDat;52197447]Starting to feel less motivated to find a relationship, it feels like a chore. Should i just buy a pillow waifu and be done with this?[/QUOTE] Why do you even have the need to 'find' a relationship? Relations grow naturally with someone, can't really force it. Even with dating apps/sites you can't force those things to happen. Relax, take a breather. It'll happen when it happens.

[QUOTE=Kirbyfactor;52197498]Why do you even have the need to 'find' a relationship? Relations grow naturally with someone, can't really force it. Even with dating apps/sites you can't force those things to happen. Relax, take a breather. It'll happen when it happens.[/QUOTE] Guess im just tired of being alone when i'm home. Yeah, usually i'm the one who tells people that it will happen when it happens, but its starting to feel like a cliché. I dunno how to explain this but I just see it everywhere: On TV, video games, newspapers, real life events and i always wonder when is it gonna happen. Maybe i'm just too bored, i dunno.

I'd suggest finding a new hobby and some new friends, it'll do wonders for yourself!

[QUOTE=Kirbyfactor;52197539]I'd suggest finding a new hobby and some new friends, it'll do wonders for yourself![/QUOTE] Now that i think of it, i did find lots of new friends through my best friend from high school in the last 2 months. Pretty glad i met them since now i also met lots of new people through them. As for new hobbies, i always thought about trying out cooking, but the army gets in the way. I only got a few days at home and i always spend time with friends or just calling random people to meet up. I guess i should make more time for it. [QUOTE=Kabstrac;52197631]I guess quit spending time [I]watching[/I] people do stuff in movies and TV shows, video games and events and actually go out and [I]do[/I] shite out there.[/QUOTE] shit i can do that easily. since i only come home once every 3 weeks, i was thinking about going to gigs or some other shit. got any advice on how to organize a successful meetup? since its summer, the beach sounds like the most perfect place.