Super Friendly Social and Love Advice v8 - Stop spamming her with texts. - General

[QUOTE=Not64;52252164]Alright I have 3 scenarios. There's this chick that I sometimes sit next to in this writing class I'm taking at uni. We kinda talk every once in a while and she's giving me positive signals.... at least I think. Might be reading into it too much. I'm thinking about asking her if she wants to grab lunch, but idk if she likes me or is just being friendly or something 1. I was drawing [url=http://i.imgur.com/szjhGl3.png]this pic[/url] in photoshop. I was just bored while the prof was lecturing, dicking around and recreating the class in Photoshop. The "8 likes ;)" thing made her laugh. And then she took a pic of it and saved it to her phone 2. I was hella sick and I sneezed really loudly like 4 or 5 times in a row. She asked me if I was ok and I was like "i dunno" and she laughed 3. I was eating some oats out of a bag and she randomly asked me about it and wanted to try some Any insight would be appreciated. I feel like these are green lights, but idk she seems to be pretty outgoing so maybe I'm just reading into it too much.[/QUOTE] [video=youtube;xa-4IAR_9Yw]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xa-4IAR_9Yw[/video] But really, sounds like she could just be friendly, but why not just find out? Maybe try to deliberately get more in contact with her, strike up a conversation of whatever - if she gives off a good vibe maybe ask her out?

-snip-

just had a memory hit me from earlier this week. I was in glasgow in a pub with a couple of friends, waiting on another one arriving. few pints in and my mum starts sending me all these photos of my grandad and me from when I was a little kid and I had a mini breakdown and started crying in the pub. luckily at that point my other friend arrived (this friend consoled me when a girlfriend left me, he's an absolute bro. dunno what I'd do without him). I went out and met him and we sat down outside of the pub, me sobbing and drunk and he gets me to laugh a few times. there were a few people standing outside of the pub having a smoke, and there was a very kind (and also hot) lady that stopped on her way back in to ask if I was okay. turns out her parents live right by my stepdad's parents and about 5 minutes away from me, she knows them and my stepdad. quite amazing really. a complete stranger stops to ask me if I'm okay which was a really kind thing to do in the first place, consoles me and then it turns out she knows parts of my family.

[QUOTE=Not64;52252164]Alright I have 3 scenarios. There's this chick that I sometimes sit next to in this writing class I'm taking at uni. We kinda talk every once in a while and she's giving me positive signals.... at least I think. Might be reading into it too much. I'm thinking about asking her if she wants to grab lunch, but idk if she likes me or is just being friendly or something 1. I was drawing [url=http://i.imgur.com/szjhGl3.png]this pic[/url] in photoshop. I was just bored while the prof was lecturing, dicking around and recreating the class in Photoshop. The "8 likes ;)" thing made her laugh. And then she took a pic of it and saved it to her phone 2. I was hella sick and I sneezed really loudly like 4 or 5 times in a row. She asked me if I was ok and I was like "i dunno" and she laughed 3. I was eating some oats out of a bag and she randomly asked me about it and wanted to try some Any insight would be appreciated. I feel like these are green lights, but idk she seems to be pretty outgoing so maybe I'm just reading into it too much.[/QUOTE] Just ask her. You can't over think this.

Yeah so this whole "still friends" thing I was trying definitely isn't working. We're away from school for the summer and every time I see her post a picture somewhere I start feeling like shit again. I hate saying that because we were never even officially dating. One week of cuddling n shit and suddenly it's like I was dating her for months or something. I guess this is why you don't date your friends. The fact that we were very good friends and then she just decided to lead me on is really messing with my head. Going from holding hands every day and laying together to "I'm probably going back to my ex" to "jk here's a new guy I'm dating also I was seeing him while I was with you" really makes me feel like garbage. And all of this is after 1+ years of being very good friends. So how come, even though I keep telling myself that someone who's immature and has no respect for me would be a terrible match, I still have this sadness every time I see her with the new guy? [editline]20th May 2017[/editline] Oh yeah and she also has no clue why I would be upset at all.

Because you're human, or something You're honestly best off just removing/unfollowing her on social media. Guess you could tell her that you're currently not in a good place to be friends with her too, just to maintain respect and whatnot. Also, just sayin', but it's got nothing to do with dating friends, and the reason you're uspet should be obvious to her assuming you were honest with her about your feelings

[QUOTE=gnampf;52242206]Invite her to the UK. What's to lose? Best case scenario, you meet your future wife in person. Worst case, you get to be a good tour guide to the UK for some foreigners. I feel like I missed my chances to find a girlfriend. I was a social recluse in high school and I didn't have any luck with girls there. As an adult, I don't want to meet women at bars or clubs because either A) they're shitty because they hang around bars waiting to be picked up or B) they're already taken. And online dating is weird because nobody ever gets back with the messages I send. How should I find a girlfriend? I guess college you can meet people but would I really spend thousands on an education just to meet a significant other? Or has my ship sailed and I should focus on hobbies and other things?[/QUOTE] She is coming in the summer. She has asked me if she could be my first kiss and have been making a lot of plans. We also agreed to become a girlfriend - boyfriend. She admitted to me that she was in a 6 month relationship at a time with a guy but broke up with him for me. All of this is so surreal ive never had a relationship or anything like this. She asked me to make anpromise not to cheat on her and tell her if i want to break up and she promised the same for me. Still at the back if my head i feel like im being used or all this is not real or she is just playingg with me. Im really paranoid and always feel like this whole thing could fall apart any minute. The fact that we have been talking for only a month also adds to it. She is 18 and im turning 21 next month by the way

I'm getting bad vibes, man. First, she broke up with someone to be with you. Second, she's making you make promises not to cheat on her, even though she was [I]kind of[/I] cheating with you and then broke up with her now ex-boyfriend. Lastly, you've known her a month. I'd advice you to hit the brakes, take a step back, and look at the situation again.

[QUOTE=Adarrek;52256947]She is coming in the summer. She has asked me if she could be my first kiss and have been making a lot of plans. We also agreed to become a girlfriend - boyfriend. She admitted to me that she was in a 6 month relationship at a time with a guy but broke up with him for me. All of this is so surreal ive never had a relationship or anything like this. She asked me to make anpromise not to cheat on her and tell her if i want to break up and she promised the same for me. Still at the back if my head i feel like im being used or all this is not real or she is just playingg with me. Im really paranoid and always feel like this whole thing could fall apart any minute. The fact that we have been talking for only a month also adds to it. She is 18 and im turning 21 next month by the way[/QUOTE] So many red flags allllll over this shit dude. You know it yourself. Be careful!

I have a hard time living with one of my roommates. He is not a bad person, it's just that he is so hard to relate and be with. He doesn't do anything beside playing video games and go to work. And all he talks about is his video games and how boring his job is. I've invited him into my D&D group, which he seems to like. But beside that he rarely joins in when we are doing anything social. I know many of my friends don't care much or don't like him, and he don't seem to have many friends beside me and my other roommate. We both agree that he doesn't do anything beside playing video games, I kinda feel bad for him. I feel he is a very close minded person, it's hard to talk with him or get him to things that are outside his few interests. At worst I feel have to endure being around him and I ask myself if I'm a bad person because I have trouble liking him.

I've basically been that kinda person, and can say from experience, it's really up to himself. You can encourage him, invite him to do things, which definitely helps, but at the end of the day, it's up to himself to change. I can't even remember what compelled me to start being more social (because that was basically my issue: I couldn't relate to anyone), but what I can say, is that while it might be an uphill battle, if he keeps pushing for change, especially with help, he'll become more sociable. [editline]21st May 2017[/editline] Basically what I'm saying is, you can help, but it's his own job to change. I still struggle with it myself, but so long as I keep acknowledging my shortcomings and work to improve on them, it gets better, little by little.

How do I meet people? Aside from a few people I added on steam in high school, I haven't had a real conversation with anyone in six years. I want to have a sexual relationship before I die, to feel that connection to someone, or at least be able to say I tried.

I've somehow gotten myself in this same damn situation and idk how cause I swore I wouldn't. This girl I went to highschool with hmu last semester n we started talking casually, she visited me some at my college and I visited at hers and it was going very good. The thing is first semester she had just gotten out of a 4 year relationship and toward the end of the school year she told me she didn't want anything serious, which I knew deep down but ignored it anyways. Well she invited me along with other highschool friends to her bday party last night and I had come to terms with us not being a thing, but then I got drunk and we got close again went to bed together at the end of the night (did not get raunchy). There she says again she doesn't need a relationship and tells me to move on but we still kiss and fall asleep together. How stupid am I to think this could go anywhere? I know the signs are obvious but I haven't felt like this in such a long time, good and bad, and I want her somethin' awful.

[QUOTE=dnqboy;52258917]I've somehow gotten myself in this same damn situation and idk how cause I swore I wouldn't. This girl I went to highschool with hmu last semester n we started talking casually, she visited me some at my college and I visited at hers and it was going very good. The thing is first semester she had just gotten out of a 4 year relationship and toward the end of the school year she told me she didn't want anything serious, which I knew deep down but ignored it anyways. Well she invited me along with other highschool friends to her bday party last night and I had come to terms with us not being a thing, but then I got drunk and we got close again went to bed together at the end of the night (did not get raunchy). There she says again she doesn't need a relationship and tells me to move on but we still kiss and fall asleep together. How stupid am I to think this could go anywhere? I know the signs are obvious but I haven't felt like this in such a long time, good and bad, and I want her somethin' awful.[/QUOTE] Welcome to the same thing I was dealing with. I know how hard it is to move on, especially when her physical signals conflict with what she's telling you. I wanted to rationalize and say that because she was showing me these signs it meant that she actually did want a relationship, but as it turned out what she was telling me was (at least partly) the truth and I should've kept my distance. However hopefully in your situation it doesn't turn out that she's also still talking to her ex and a third random guy as well :v:

[QUOTE=Ardosos;52258796]How do I meet people? Aside from a few people I added on steam in high school, I haven't had a real conversation with anyone in six years. I want to have a sexual relationship before I die, to feel that connection to someone, or at least be able to say I tried.[/QUOTE] I feel like aiming for a relationship simply for the sake of the experience is a poor reason to seek connection with another person. You cannot force compatibility, nor a relationship- those are both things that will either arise naturally on their own, from one another or not at all. Some of my friends have had success seeking friendships on tinder of all things, while others go to social events in their area and participate in clubs. Perhaps give those a shot?

[QUOTE=ZombieWaffle;52259041]I feel like aiming for a relationship simply for the sake of the experience is a poor reason to seek connection with another person. You cannot force compatibility, nor a relationship- those are both things that will either arise naturally on their own, from one another or not at all. Some of my friends have had success seeking friendships on tinder of all things, while others go to social events in their area and participate in clubs. Perhaps give those a shot?[/QUOTE] It's not for the experience, it's because I'm so lonely and horny and miserable, all the time. How do I find out what social events and clubs are in my area? Like is there a place people would post stuff like that?

Facebook is usually a good place to find out about parties, shows, or concerts in your area.

[QUOTE=Ardosos;52259049]It's not for the experience, it's because I'm so lonely and horny and miserable, all the time. How do I find out what social events and clubs are in my area? Like is there a place people would post stuff like that?[/QUOTE] I understand you're just responding to your emotions and acting on them, but be careful when you have this mindset. It can end up hurting everyone involved if they're not properly dealt with. A relationship won't, alone, fix unhappiness of any kind. They're a serious expenditure of time and effort.

[QUOTE=Pascall;52259110]Facebook is usually a good place to find out about parties, shows, or concerts in your area.[/QUOTE] Also, do what I do - obtain tickets, then go on Reddit, post a message saying "Yo, I got tickets for X, anyone wanna come with?". Bam, instant folks to go with and have a grand old time. I did this a few weekends ago where I made an itinerary of some cool touristy sorta things I wanted to do in my city. Posted it, asked if anyone wanted to come and do it with me as a sort of photography/food walk kinda deal for the day. To my surprise a [I]fuckton[/I] of people joined up and we had a grand time. Sometimes, all it takes is the initiative. There is some truth in the saying "Be the change you want to see in the world". :smile:

[QUOTE=Ardosos;52259049]It's not for the experience, it's because I'm so lonely and horny and miserable, all the time. How do I find out what social events and clubs are in my area? Like is there a place people would post stuff like that?[/QUOTE] Well first way to solve one of your problems is to wank Secondly, do something that is innately social while also learning stuff. Martial Arts classes, Gym Classes. It won't be instantly social but over time you'll befriend those people. Also meetup.com is good You ever tried playing Dungeons and Dragons?

Not love related, but public speaking, how the fuck do people do it? I had a fucking panic attack for a tiny 1 minute speech, now I got a 4 minute speech coming up and holy shit, I'm already nervous despite it being on Friday. Shit man. I need to improve my confidence in general too, and I know how to do it but I'm just too lazy to put it into effect.

The trick at least for me is to practice what are you going to say beforehand. Write it down and stage a speech as if you were talking to the crowd. It will surely make you less nervous since it will assure you that you know exactly what are you going to say. Try doing a speech to a small crowd before the actual day. Get a group of friends or maybe even family members so you can you make the speech for them. It help you get a feel on what is going to be during the actual day. I'm pretty much on the same boat as you. I got laughed at before trying to make group presentations but I'm better at it now.

[QUOTE=Toro;52260639]Not love related, but public speaking, how the fuck do people do it? I had a fucking panic attack for a tiny 1 minute speech, now I got a 4 minute speech coming up and holy shit, I'm already nervous despite it being on Friday. Shit man. I need to improve my confidence in general too, and I know how to do it but I'm just too lazy to put it into effect.[/QUOTE] You need to focus on talking to someone in the crowd. Find someone who is actually interested, speak to them specifically for a moment, find another face that is, repeat. There will always be those who are not paying attention, and that will make you anxious, the response to which is to speak in a way that will actually cause more people to lose attention (you lose focus, speak at the ground, or start speaking less clearly and more quickly. So you need to ignore that, focus on expressing yourself as clearly and as best you can, and focus on the faces of those who are actually paying attention.

[QUOTE=Ardosos;52258796]How do I meet people? Aside from a few people I added on steam in high school, I haven't had a real conversation with anyone in six years. I want to have a sexual relationship before I die, to feel that connection to someone, or at least be able to say I tried.[/QUOTE] Speaking from experience. Hit the gym, it's social and you automatically get women after a while (with some effort).

"I'll let you k[B]NO[/B]w." I've finally cracked the code.

[QUOTE=farmatyr;52261316]Speaking from experience. Hit the gym, it's social and you [B]automatically[/B] get women after a while ([B]with some effort[/B]).[/QUOTE] Uhh

lol I wish

is it ok to dm someone you don't know but want to meet

[QUOTE=Ardosos;52259049]It's not for the experience, it's because I'm so lonely and horny and miserable, all the time.[/QUOTE] Well there are some red flags... what do you do all day? How often do you go outside, and why? How often do you watch porn?

[QUOTE=Not64;52263431]Well there are some red flags... what do you do all day? How often do you go outside, and why? How often do you watch porn?[/QUOTE] I don't do much these days, I used to have school and work but I got expelled for poor grades and the store I was working at closed down. I browse the internet, I do chores around the house, I play video games, I send out job applications. Mostly I write, just sit down in front of my computer and type, nothing useful or in particular, just whatever I'm thinking at the time, trying to make sense of it all. I go outside rarely but usually at least once a day, usually just to take a walk through the local parkway. I go at night, it's much cooler outside after the sun goes down and there are fewer people. I'm really self conscious about that sort of thing. I watch porn fairly often, it varies but generally at least once or twice a day. I don't wank every time I look at porn, though. There are a lot of things I would like to do but there's this weird issue with motivation or whatever you want to call it, likely caused by my depression.