Super Friendly Social and Love Advice v8 - Stop spamming her with texts. - General

Got a date on Saturday from Tinder ayyyy She seems to be interested, hopefully going to a bar for drinks and a chat then maybe a club if we get drunk enough

I had an old friend/fling over last night and she accidentally called me by her current boyfriend's name like 4-5 times and I am just all kinds of wigged out by the possible implications. It happened enough times that she finally had to point it out and assure me that it "doesn't mean anything weird"

[QUOTE=Loofiloo;52301783]I had an old friend/fling over last night and she accidentally called me by her current boyfriend's name like 4-5 times and I am just all kinds of wigged out by the possible implications. It happened enough times that she finally had to point it out and assure me that it "doesn't mean anything weird"[/QUOTE] Honestly I fuck up peoples names constantly, my bf and my boss in particular despite their names actually not being similar. It doesn't mean shit. I do on the other hand wonder how in a first person conversation you end up using someones name that often...? I really wouldnt go fussing about what it means tho dude.

[QUOTE=Loofiloo;52301783]I had an old friend/fling over last night and she accidentally called me by her current boyfriend's name like 4-5 times and I am just all kinds of wigged out by the possible implications. It happened enough times that she finally had to point it out and assure me that it "doesn't mean anything weird"[/QUOTE] If you guys were just chilling then there shouldn't be an issue. Also it could also means she feels safe around you in the same way she does her boyfriend? Brain works in weird ways

I haven't seen the girl I was complaining about a while back, I'm not necessarily happy with the situation, but I'm also better off mentally and physically. Added Bumble, OkCupid, and Tinder and just went full ham on the dating profile game. In 2 months, I've been on about 10 dates with 2 different girls and tonight I'm going out with another girl who seems pretty cool from the texting we've been doing. 1 was from Bumble, incredibly religious and 25 (I was 22, turned 23 last week, not that makes much of a difference). She would talk in puns all the time and then got upset with me when I said I was doing my friend's gf's term paper for money. I don't regret doing it, I only do these sorts of things for close friends and it was about motherfucking Shaka Zulu, which was dope as hell to learn about. So she gets into a moral debate, wonders whether or not I have a soul, and if I was hiding anything else shady. I was like okay yeah see ya dude, pray for me! (No I didn't say that, but you get the point) 2 was from OkCupid, she goes to a private university in the area, really nice girl. Kept up with my sense of humor and was fun to talk with. We kept cancelling because she would babysit a special needs kid, and I kept cancelling because I would have an early meeting and just got over being sick. I think I'll try hitting her up again this weekend, because she was really sweet. I also have a soft spot for people who are actively aware of stigmas or things bigger than them and are actively trying to make a difference in a whatever way they can. 3rd is from OkCupid, and she seems pretty down to earth as well. We're getting thai food and walking around campus (she's transferring here so ya boy is about to drop some knowledge about where the best bathrooms are and study spots, I'm a hella romantic 1st date). We've talked about games, table-top, music, and just general geeky stuff. There's a lot of girls I've talked to on each app, but I never asked for their number or just after a while got bored with. I think the insights I can give from the 3 dating apps is that it takes a bunch of different approaches. No one likes "hey" or "how are you". My schtick is asking totally weird hypotheticals because I'm looking for creative responses, not the "bb u want some fuk" or "omg ur dog is so cute what kind is s/he". Just an example question,"Hey, quick question, would you rather have a Kangaroo pouch with a tiny joey in it or would you rather be the joey in a kangaroo's pocket?" The bar for me is, can you make me laugh, can you debate with me, and do you seem emotionally stable. I've been going into online dating with a goal of meeting people and learning about them, not trying to get into a relationship or anything and I think that mental attitude has helped me for the better. I don't have a type, I have an idea of what I want out of a relationship, but not thinking of it as an end goal. I'm not going to lie, I still feel sort of sick about the whole situation, but the more time I've spent apart the more I realize I was putting my needs on hold for someone who wasn't capable of reciprocating without being drunk enough to open up was only holding my personal growth back. I've been going out more with my friends, hanging out, getting #swole, and getting some new technical skills along the way all while doing research fulltime + summer classes. TLDR Things get better fam.

If anyone wants a good 3rd date onwards idea: invite them to have a baking bonanza at your place. Go into it with baking being the main point, not it being a sleazy way to get laid. I did this and it was such a great day, tonnes of laughter, great food, and lots of flour throwing (got dat cinematic lovestory-esque flour on the nose scene too, ayy). We made cookies, brownies, cake, some bread too. Competent baking skills not required, but it sure does help if one of you has a vague idea of what you're doing (she's the baking extraordinaire in this situation). I dunno why I've always done boring stuff like inviting them for dinner I've made instead of getting them involved with it as well. Super good fun and your stomach will be aching the day after from all the laughter and sweets you ate. We made so much stuff we ended up going to university and just handing out cookies and brownies to students who were stressing over exams.

I've been thinking about this for a bit now. It's bothering me and I need to get it off my chest otherwise I'm gonna be stuck thinking about it which will not be good for my future relationship endeavors. It's always said that you need to be happy with yourself first and foremost. A half a year ago, I was perfectly fine with where I was in life. School was going great, I had a good friend circle, and a relationship was something I would "get to" eventually when the time came. I was having fun with friends and while I was always open to finding a relationship I was never actively looking for one. This brings me around to the thing I've been pondering for a while. Before this girl came around I was perfectly content with where I was and what I was doing. Now after this whole romantic episode I realize that I really do want someone I can be with on a very personal level and my self confidence has been brought down a couple of notches. I'm still happy with my life for the most part but there's now a nagging feeling of missing companionship added in. I'll occasionally have a "flashback" to the last relationship that will put me in a sour mood, but my bigger issue now is overthinking everything way too much. I try to tell myself that worrying about finding someone will only make it harder and that it'll just happen on its own but that doesn't help much. I wonder if there's some psychological reason why it's so easy to put yourself into the mindset of "even though xyz worked for so many other people it's not going to work for me" because it seems like a lot of people fall into that trap too easily. Dammit why can't I just write short posts for once.

[QUOTE=loopoo;52307178]If anyone wants a good 3rd date onwards idea: invite them to have a baking bonanza at your place. Go into it with baking being the main point, not it being a sleazy way to get laid. I did this and it was such a great day, tonnes of laughter, great food, and lots of flour throwing (got dat cinematic lovestory-esque flour on the nose scene too, ayy). We made cookies, brownies, cake, some bread too. Competent baking skills not required, but it sure does help if one of you has a vague idea of what you're doing (she's the baking extraordinaire in this situation). I dunno why I've always done boring stuff like inviting them for dinner I've made instead of getting them involved with it as well. Super good fun and your stomach will be aching the day after from all the laughter and sweets you ate. We made so much stuff we ended up going to university and just handing out cookies and brownies to students who were stressing over exams.[/QUOTE] When I invite a friend over for dinner, in the rare case they're not inept at cooking, I'll ask them to make a second dish and bring any ingredients that I don't have. Then we'll both cook our own things and have dinner together. If they are inept at cooking, I put them in charge of less difficult tasks and they get free cooking lessons out of it.

Fuckin hate dreaming about my ex. [editline]3rd June 2017[/editline] On a lighter note, that baking/cooking together thing is a great idea. If you've already been on a few dates there's no chance of it being awkward as you've got something to keep ya both busy

[QUOTE=Guy Mannly;52308412]When I invite a friend over for dinner, in the rare case they're not inept at cooking, I'll ask them to make a second dish and bring any ingredients that I don't have. Then we'll both cook our own things and have dinner together. If they are inept at cooking, I put them in charge of less difficult tasks and they get free cooking lessons out of it.[/QUOTE] I have one friend here that we always eat at, and he has a green egg smoker. Really convenient because if someone doesn't have any cooking skills we can just say "bring a piece of seasoned meat" and it'll turn out delicious.

[QUOTE=IAreLegend;52308689]Fuckin hate dreaming about my ex. [editline]3rd June 2017[/editline] On a lighter note, that baking/cooking together thing is a great idea. If you've already been on a few dates there's no chance of it being awkward as you've got something to keep ya both busy[/QUOTE] Whenever I have a dream of my ex it ruins the next couple days. I'm happy it rarely happens.

I dunno, I had a dream about my ex the other night and kinda just woke up thinking "glad those 4 years are over"

[QUOTE=IAreLegend;52308689]Fuckin hate dreaming about my ex. [editline]3rd June 2017[/editline] On a lighter note, that baking/cooking together thing is a great idea. If you've already been on a few dates there's no chance of it being awkward as you've got something to keep ya both busy[/QUOTE] That shit passes, my dude. Same used to happen to me and I'd wake up feeling god damn awful. But now I never really think about her, and when I do, it's just neutral. Even dreams about her, nada. I wake up and shrug it off and go right back to sleep. Whereas before it'd keep me up all night. Yeah that date idea is perfect, but they gotta be comfortable enough with you to know it's not a ploy just to get in their pants. When there's no undertones of "I'm just using this to get laid" it really makes for an amazing time. Definitely jumpstarted our friendship way more than a coffee / dinner date would have.

My date last night went weird. I got mixed signals all night since she wanted to stay out with me but was showing no signs she was interested in me other than that. So confusing. Ended up talking about it when the night finished and she explained she's just not good at that kind of stuff and a bit reserved. Though when we were saying bye she quickly went in and gave me a kiss, which was unexpected but ayyy Seeing her today too since she's moving back to London for the summer next week :~(

I'm feeling really lonely right now. I moved to the place I currently live about a year ago and all my friends have gone home over the summer except for one of my neighbors and she's hanging out with her boyfriend everyday. I've been thinking, I should go out and make friends, but how? When you were a kid it was really easy but I don't know how to do it now when I'm 24.

I'm giving up on women again lmao she's so damnn hard to read, shown no signs all day today that she was interested but said she was Gonna let it simmer and not chase it due to her being gone for 3 months too

[QUOTE=maeZtro;52311590]I'm feeling really lonely right now. I moved to the place I currently live about a year ago and all my friends have gone home over the summer except for one of my neighbors and she's hanging out with her boyfriend everyday. I've been thinking, I should go out and make friends, but how? When you were a kid it was really easy but I don't know how to do it now when I'm 24.[/QUOTE] - Play pickup basketball - Play pickup soccer/football - Play pickup rugby - Do rock climbing - Volunteer at a soup kitchen - Go to concerts - Go out to SSBM smashfests/tournaments - Start rowing - Get a job at a local restaurant or cafe - Start surfing if you're near a beach - Go hiking - Volunteer at a homeless shelter - Be in a play - Start a YouTube channel - Take an art class - Take a yoga class - Go camping - Learn an instrument - Join a band - Go to church - Go fishing - Go swimming - Go hunting - Go river rafting - Go to conventions like ComicCon, Fanime, etc - Start playing Magic: The Gathering - Start playing DnD

[QUOTE=TrannyAlert;52312526]I'm giving up on women again lmao she's so damnn hard to read, shown no signs all day today that she was interested but said she was Gonna let it simmer and not chase it due to her being gone for 3 months too[/QUOTE] Am I reading things wrong, or was this a first date with someone you matched with on Tinder? Cause if so, you gotta tone your expectations down dude. I dunno what you're expecting to happen on a first date, but it's not fireworks and an instant, intimate connection, that takes time. You could be coming on too strong and raising a red flag for her. [QUOTE=maeZtro;52311590]I'm feeling really lonely right now. I moved to the place I currently live about a year ago and all my friends have gone home over the summer except for one of my neighbors and she's hanging out with her boyfriend everyday. I've been thinking, I should go out and make friends, but how? When you were a kid it was really easy but I don't know how to do it now when I'm 24.[/QUOTE] Basically what Not64 said. Do you have a real big interest in a particular sport or activity? Archery, rock climbing, rowing, hiking? A quick Google will find your local club and you can turn up to one of their sessions and I guarantee you'll be making friends in no time, especially if you enjoy what you're doing. I'm swamped with adult responsibilities for the next 3 weeks, but once everything calms down, I'm getting my ass to the local rowing club cause I really wanna pick it up.

Yeah first date, she actually kissed me. Second date, no signs. Didn't even compliment me once over the two dates, not even a "Your shirt is nice" [editline]5th June 2017[/editline] I'm just gonna let it simmer while she's away and keep talking to her. May be best just to befriend her anyway and if she wants to pursue it she can.

maybe cause she's going away for 3 months and it was tinder, she wanted a quick hookup but was too reserved to make the first serious move. when does she leave?

She's never used Tinder before and was told to by a friend like a day before I started speaking to her, don't think she wanted a hookup and she leaves Saturday but she's got stuff on literally everyday up until then I've learned some things anyhow and I think I was being a bit too forward, so you live and learn

[QUOTE=Not64;52313593]- Play pickup basketball - Play pickup soccer/football - Play pickup rugby - Do rock climbing - Volunteer at a soup kitchen - Go to concerts - Go out to SSBM smashfests/tournaments - Start rowing - Get a job at a local restaurant or cafe - Start surfing if you're near a beach - Go hiking - Volunteer at a homeless shelter - Be in a play - Start a YouTube channel - Take an art class - Take a yoga class - Go camping - Learn an instrument - Join a band - Go to church - Go fishing - Go swimming - Go hunting - Go river rafting - Go to conventions like ComicCon, Fanime, etc - Start playing Magic: The Gathering - Start playing DnD[/QUOTE] Thanks a lot! I'm actually a quite accomplished guitarist so I guess I will try to start a band. [editline]5th June 2017[/editline] [QUOTE=loopoo;52313787]Basically what Not64 said. Do you have a real big interest in a particular sport or activity? Archery, rock climbing, rowing, hiking? A quick Google will find your local club and you can turn up to one of their sessions and I guarantee you'll be making friends in no time, especially if you enjoy what you're doing. I'm swamped with adult responsibilities for the next 3 weeks, but once everything calms down, I'm getting my ass to the local rowing club cause I really wanna pick it up.[/QUOTE] I have started to like soccer as an adult but I never played as a kid so I suck compared to most people :v:

Post an ad on craigslist or whatever the Swedish equivalent is, asking people in your area that you want to organize weekly chilled jamming sessions where you all just get together and play, I reckon that'd be really fun. [editline]5th June 2017[/editline] A couple of beers and some music you're playing yourself? You'll have a solid group of friends in no time. Then you'll start hanging out outside of the music, and meeting their friends, and bam, tonnes of new social circles.

In what can only be described as direct-to-vhs romcom slapstick circumstances, I got two dates in the next two days. Both coffee shop meetups. I know it's not the recommended thing to do for first dates but I need tips on how to make the best of it and ideas for potential future activities. Also yes, it's the first dates I've ever had in my life so don't hesitate to lay it on thick.

[QUOTE=StrawberryClock;52317503]In what can only be described as direct-to-vhs romcom slapstick circumstances, I got two dates in the next two days. Both coffee shop meetups. I know it's not the recommended thing to do for first dates but I need tips on how to make the best of it and ideas for potential future activities. Also yes, it's the first dates I've ever had in my life so don't hesitate to lay it on thick.[/QUOTE] Why is Coffee shop not recommended?? It's the perfect first date in my opinion. You're in a friendly area that's quiet, with food/drink and you can leave whenever you want. As for the date tips. The conversation may be slightly awkward at first but if you and the other person do get along you will be surprised how easy it flows, just talk about things you're interested in but make sure to ask a lot of questions as people do enjoy talking about themselves. Also use their name, it helps with buildings friendships

Just seen somewhere on this thread that coffee shops were average-tier. Thanks for the advice!

Coffee shops are pretty standard, though don't stay in it all the time. Explore the city/place you're in, find out where some museums are or book shops. If you're on a long date, I generally go to coffee shop, go do stuff in town, go to coffee shop, go do more stuff and then cya later

I took my first date to a pizza joint lol It turned out well to be honest, we were both inexperienced in dating and had a lot of fun. Plus the pizza was fucking good

Tbh it's not where you go for a first date that matters, it's what you make of it. Just sometimes, if you're a tad awkward, certain first date ideas can help you loosen up and show your date the real you, as opposed to the nervous wreck. I love coffee dates, they're chill, I get to drink coffee (I fucking love coffee) and I learn a lot about the girl I'm taking out. That being said, when I was younger and a bit more nervous about these things, I wish I thought of more original ideas, like going to crazy golf or rowing on the canal or something that involves a goofy activity that gets us both laughing and relaxed quicker. Coffee shop dates can have a nerve-wracking interview type of vibe if you're not used to it.

What does it mean if someone says that they're "borderline" with no other words? Borderline what? I've heard it said by a few people, someone said it here in this thread once as I recall.