Super Friendly Social and Love Advice v8 - Stop spamming her with texts. - General

[QUOTE=SebiWarrior;51312194]My crush turned down today's date and made no mention of rescheduling Guess it's time to let go and move on[/QUOTE] Happened to me way too many times. Just remember its her loss, not yours.

[QUOTE=plunger435;51311046]You should let her down.[/QUOTE] to be honest i'm not sure what you mean by this i havent made any sort of move on the girl i like because i am painfully aware of my mental state and i don't want to subject anyone to that but yknow that doesn't mean im happy that shes trying to date some hot guy

[QUOTE=RzDat;51312462]Happened to me way too many times. Just remember its her loss, not yours.[/QUOTE] I know, I lost someone who didn't like me but she lost someone who did so she's worse off, but I'm not exactly popular among friends or girls in general so it saddens me a bit that I won't have anything going on for a few months now Still, I can distract myself quite well with games and adult-life stuff

[QUOTE=Loofiloo;51309926]I'm still wondering, because i've heard about this kind of thing from lots of people. People make plans, plans get canceled, and one of those people re-schedules for "eventually" and then "eventually" never comes. So after telling me "probably friday" she said she'd have to check her schedule. I texted her about it yesterday afternoon and got no answer. I saw her at work today and asked her about it, and she told me she got home late and "I promise i'm not ignoring you." So I told her i've got pretty much every afternoon off for the next week, and now i'll just wait and see if she makes contact[/QUOTE] Ok, she did re-schedule for wednesday, so maybe something nice will happen

SO, shit situation ahead. Me and my ex are college pals so i have been dealing with trying to maintain a good relationship overall. Yesterday i asked if we could have lunch together to catch up, and she agreed. But today, in the middle of working, i started getting messages of her giving me shit. Why, you ask? Well, couple weeks ago, i randomly met up with her "new ex". We started chatting and i felt really good, like, its been like a million years since i felt that much understood and comprehended. WE didnt talk shit, or anything similar about her though, we were gentlemen and cheered her up a lot. Although, i mentioned she was with a new guy (thinking he knew), turns out he didnt know but he took it very well and said he didnt really care. WELL, turns out her new ex told her i told him she was with a new guy, and she started giving me loads of crap about it. I tried explaining her i met her new ex by coincidence and didnt really wanted to shit on her or anything. She kept going with stuff like "keep going with your life" "stop messing in mine" etc etc WHICH i totally get, but i really wasnt it, so while i tried to explain myself, she started getting angrier and angrier until she blocked me completely from whatsapp, and then i felt like crap. I really dont know what to fucking do, i have to see her all the time at college, i still secretly like her but i havent acted on it and all i really want is to have a nice ambient around, but i fail miserably with each try, and im getting really, really pissed. Im trying to be calm, cheerful, cool, to not do anything when she goes in the middle of the campus kissing other dudes, when she starts insulting me, or whatever, but im tired of this, i didnt really wanted to play the "you dont exists" childish game but i dont really know what else to do, since all this feels like a fucking minefield, whatever i do i lose.

[QUOTE=autodesknoob;51315742]SO, shit situation ahead. Me and my ex are college pals so i have been dealing with trying to maintain a good relationship overall. Yesterday i asked if we could have lunch together to catch up, and she agreed. But today, in the middle of working, i started getting messages of her giving me shit. Why, you ask? Well, couple weeks ago, i randomly met up with her "new ex". We started chatting and i felt really good, like, its been like a million years since i felt that much understood and comprehended. WE didnt talk shit, or anything similar about her though, we were gentlemen and cheered her up a lot. Although, i mentioned she was with a new guy (thinking he knew), turns out he didnt know but he took it very well and said he didnt really care. [I][B]WELL, turns out her new ex told her i told him she was with a new guy, and started giving me loads of crap. I tried to explain to her i met him by coincidence and didnt really wanted to shit on her or anything. She kept going with stuff like "keep going with your life" "stop messing in mine" etc etc WHICH i totally get, but it really wasnt it, so while i tried to explain myself, she started getting angrier and angrier untill she blocks me completely from whatsapp and, myself, felt like complete crap.[/B][/I] I really dont know what to fucking do, i have to see her all the time at college, i still secretly like her but i havent acted on it and all i really want is to have a nice ambient around, but i fail miserably with each try, and im getting really, really pissed. Im trying to be calm, cheerful, cool, to not do anything when she goes in the middle of the campus kissing other dudes, when she starts insulting me, or whatever, but im tired of this, i didnt really wanted to play the "you dont exists" childish game but i dont really know what else to do, since all this feels like a fucking minefield, whatever i do i lose.[/QUOTE] im really sorry dude but i am struggling to understand this

[QUOTE=Bathtub;51315755]im really sorry dude but i am struggling to understand this[/QUOTE] whoa yes, kind of confusing. theres 2 exes in here: me, and another guy. I met this guy by coincidence. i, myself, knew that our ex was with another guy (a third guy) and said it casually, thinking the other guy, the second ex, knew, but he didnt, although he took it cool. Then, MY ex, the girl, gave ME shit because i told the second ex she was seeing a new guy, the third one.

You really really need to not have her in your life. Especially considering that her breaking up with you devastated you so much, and seeing her with other guys is so extremely painful. Trying to stay friends in spite of all that is going to make things worse long before it's going to make things better. Correct me if I've got you mixed up with someone else, but I thought I remembered you recently asking how to get over someone, or get over a bad breakup. Trying to keep that person close in your social life is absolutely not the way to do it.

Ran into some dude who was incredibly stoned at Walmart at 2am. He started chatting me up and flirting with me and we had a good time together. He walked outside with me and I had to explain to him as politely as possible that I wasn't comfortable walking to my car with someone I just met and asked him to leave before I did while I waited by the door. We exchanged numbers and I texted him and his first text back was saying it was nice meeting me but that he doesn't think we should hang out because I wouldn't be comfortable with him. I explained that I had some history that made safety a very real concern for me and he said he understood. I still feel bad about it, though, but at the same time I have no idea how I could have handled it any better. No woman in her right mind would walk across an empty parking lot at 3 in the morning with someone they just met. On top of that, the guy is black and clearly a gym rat and I think he attributed my mistrust of him to his race/appearance.

[QUOTE=Loofiloo;51316181]You really really need to not have her in your life. Especially considering that her breaking up with you devastated you so much, and seeing her with other guys is so extremely painful. Trying to stay friends in spite of all that is going to make things worse long before it's going to make things better. Correct me if I've got you mixed up with someone else, but I thought I remembered you recently asking how to get over someone, or get over a bad breakup. Trying to keep that person close in your social life is absolutely not the way to do it.[/QUOTE] i would but we are in the same university and career. That means classes, work, spaces, and friends, and im tired or running.

[QUOTE=autodesknoob;51317459]i would but we are in the same university and career. That means classes, work, spaces, and friends, and im tired or running.[/QUOTE] I work with an ex too, and we still keep communication to a minimum. If we talk at all, it's about strictly work-related things, about as brief and civil as possible, and only at work. I don't go out to lunch with her, I don't text her, I don't even take my breaks at the same time as her if I can help it. I don't see it as running so much as setting up boundaries to protect my own mental health. Maybe it's easier for me since I'm the one who ended things with her, but I'm still not at a point where I'd feel perfectly happy seeing her with someone else.

[QUOTE=RenegadeCop;51318289]A big reason I workout is so I'm not as intimidated by people who are way stronger than me[/QUOTE] As a woman it takes a lot of training just to get to the same level of strength as an untrained man. And being strong doesn't mean shit if you aren't trained in self defense or martial arts (things I haven't found time or energy to pursue yet). [editline]6th November 2016[/editline] Also, I would have been just as cautious if he had been a scrawny white dude. If we're going off experience, I would have way more reason to be afraid of those.

Hi everyone. Lately I've been trying to heal from a bad break up that happened almost half a year ago, and I am currently struggling with sleep and concentration on my assignments. This is a big issue as I am finding myself sleeping through a lot of the day, and I have important deadlines coming up - not to mention, other commitments to sports teams and such. I was wondering what people would advice when struggling to sleep for this reason/their own experiences. Any help would be appreciated. I did feel embarrassed to make this post, but I guess that's what this thread is for and everyone seems nice/non-judgemental here.

[QUOTE=GisG56;51321069]Hi everyone. Lately I've been trying to heal from a bad break up that happened almost half a year ago, and I am currently struggling with sleep and concentration on my assignments. This is a big issue as I am finding myself sleeping through a lot of the day, and I have important deadlines coming up - not to mention, other commitments to sports teams and such. I was wondering what people would advice when struggling to sleep for this reason/their own experiences. Any help would be appreciated. I did feel embarrassed to make this post, but I guess that's what this thread is for and everyone seems nice/non-judgemental here.[/QUOTE] been on the same horse all this year. It was kinda hard last semester but now it blew on my face. I was so dead i even considered freezing my studies to get a little bit of a rest, which is something not in a million years thought i would be having, but i kept on going, i told myself its not about acing everything, but not stopping going forwards, even if i just pass 2 classes, its something ill keep going.

So as a follow up today this girl spent most of the day telling me about her successful date and also sleeping with some 40 year old guy yesterday and i feel like absolute garbage What do I do about this idk i feel like shes rubbing it in to get a rise out of me, or i might be overreacting. Idk

[QUOTE=killerteacup;51321683]So as a follow up today this girl spent most of the day telling me about her successful date and also sleeping with some 40 year old guy yesterday and i feel like absolute garbage What do I do about this idk i feel like shes rubbing it in to get a rise out of me, or i might be overreacting. Idk[/QUOTE] It's the former.

[QUOTE=metallics;51321803]It's the former.[/QUOTE] Man, this sucks. I did ask her about it - but she was definitely leading me. I work with her and we hang out, i need to develop some strategies to not let this bother me or i need to cut her out I think if she tries to bring this back up again im going to be firm and tell her i want to hear nothing more about her sex life at this time as it makes me uncomfortable considering we slept together. If that doesnt work I will cut her out

[QUOTE=killerteacup;51321905]Man, this sucks. I did ask her about it - but she was definitely leading me. I work with her and we hang out, i need to develop some strategies to not let this bother me or i need to cut her out I think if she tries to bring this back up again im going to be firm and tell her i want to hear nothing more about her sex life at this time as it makes me uncomfortable considering we slept together. If that doesnt work I will cut her out[/QUOTE] Skip the middle man, cut her out. She isnt going to change.

everything you have said about this girl makes her seem god awful

[QUOTE=autodesknoob;51321458]been on the same horse all this year. It was kinda hard last semester but now it blew on my face. I was so dead i even considered freezing my studies to get a little bit of a rest, which is something not in a million years thought i would be having, but i kept on going, i told myself its not about acing everything, but not stopping going forwards, even if i just pass 2 classes, its something ill keep going.[/QUOTE] Sorry to hear about your tough experience too. I'm not sure I completely made sense of what you said, but it sounds like you have things under control to an extent... I'm not going to put my studies on hold just because some careless guy decided to treat me crap and ditch me like I meant nothing/had no value as a person because (even though I don't always feel it) I do have value, drive, passion and purpose; I am determined to achieve everything I want to achieve in life, and he isn't ever getting in the way of that. Sleep is a major issue though, so if anyone has any specific routines they do to help them have a good nights sleep, I would be very appreciative if you shared them with me :smile: Thank you!!

Man I really hate how our society seems to weigh a man's worth by how much sex he's having One of my friends is in a fraternity, he's a decent guy and a fun guy to be around but he's constantly talking about girls he's fucking, he even showed me a video one time of this girl literally riding him (yeah, he's kind of an absolute scumbag when it comes to women) and all this other shit. In his case, it's probably some deep-seated need to fit in and feel accepted or something, and part of me wishes it was a problem only he had, but really, it isn't. I'm not a virgin, I've had a girlfriend before etc. but sometimes I really feel that society looks down upon me because I don't go out to the bars all the time to fuck random girls. I'll ocassionally go out and party and if I get talking to a girl and something happens I'm all for casual sex- but I seem to be one of the few (college-aged) men around me who doesn't constantly actively look for hookups and shit. It's just not my style, and on top of that there's a bunch of shit going on in my life and I'm still not 100% over my ex so I'm just laying low right now, If a nice girl comes along I'll go for it but for right now I'm content not being in a relationship or even pursuing sex at all. I know what I'm doing is perfectly fine and acceptable, I just wish I didn't feel like I loser for doing so.

Decided to give tinder a go but damn I got almost no pictures of myself. And the few are have are awful.

[QUOTE=metallics;51322862]Skip the middle man, cut her out. She isnt going to change.[/QUOTE] I'd like to, but we work together and it's close knit. Very difficult so I'd like to resolve this as amicably as possible so as not to make the next 3 months crap. I'm going to talk to her today and just make her aware. If that doesn't work I'm going to cut her out.

[QUOTE=Wealth + Taste;51325357]Man I really hate how our society seems to weigh a man's worth by how much sex he's having One of my friends is in a fraternity, he's a decent guy and a fun guy to be around but he's constantly talking about girls he's fucking, he even showed me a video one time of this girl literally riding him (yeah, he's kind of an absolute scumbag when it comes to women) and all this other shit. In his case, it's probably some deep-seated need to fit in and feel accepted or something, and part of me wishes it was a problem only he had, but really, it isn't. I'm not a virgin, I've had a girlfriend before etc. but sometimes I really feel that society looks down upon me because I don't go out to the bars all the time to fuck random girls. I'll ocassionally go out and party and if I get talking to a girl and something happens I'm all for casual sex- but I seem to be one of the few (college-aged) men around me who doesn't constantly actively look for hookups and shit. It's just not my style, and on top of that there's a bunch of shit going on in my life and I'm still not 100% over my ex so I'm just laying low right now, If a nice girl comes along I'll go for it but for right now I'm content not being in a relationship or even pursuing sex at all. I know what I'm doing is perfectly fine and acceptable, I just wish I didn't feel like I loser for doing so.[/QUOTE] No offense but it sounds like you've got a superiority complex over this stuff.

[QUOTE=cricket50;51322966]everything you have said about this girl makes her seem god awful[/QUOTE] I'm going to be devils advocate for a second on myself and say that in regards to the fact that we sleep together, I think it genuinely meant very little to her and she was happy to go back to being friends afterwards. We used to talk about all the stuff she got up to beforehand and I'm hoping that she just didn't realise it became an issue for me after we slept together. I have been very uncomfortable communicating with her about this so I'm hoping she just didn't understand, but I'm not closed to the fact that it was malicious and have suspected it more recently. I've known for ages she's not interested in me romantically and was easily able to make my peace with it, until we slept together - a night I remember very little about. I find it really hard to believe that she didn't know that I was at least semi interested. That said, I think it's incredibly naive to sleep with a friend, particularly a work friend, then just expect the dynamic not to change in any way. Particularly when there's been running jokes about how we're together. The dynamic is obviously going to change and unless you're sleeping with a total stranger I just don't think you can really avoid responsibility for that

[QUOTE=killerteacup;51325550]I'm going to be devils advocate for a second on myself and say that in regards to the fact that we sleep together, I think it genuinely meant very little to her and she was happy to go back to being friends afterwards. We used to talk about all the stuff she got up to beforehand and I'm hoping that she just didn't realise it became an issue for me after we slept together. I have been very uncomfortable communicating with her about this so I'm hoping she just didn't understand, but I'm not closed to the fact that it was malicious and have suspected it more recently. I've known for ages she's not interested in me romantically and was easily able to make my peace with it, until we slept together - a night I remember very little about. I find it really hard to believe that she didn't know that I was at least semi interested. That said, I think it's incredibly naive to sleep with a friend, particularly a work friend, then just expect the dynamic not to change in any way. Particularly when there's been running jokes about how we're together. The dynamic is obviously going to change and unless you're sleeping with a total stranger I just don't think you can really avoid responsibility for that[/QUOTE] Have you actually ever told her you've had feelings for her? If not there's no way she can read your mind on that, some people are just bad at picking up on that kind of thing.

[QUOTE=plunger435;51325537]No offense but it sounds like you've got a superiority complex over this stuff.[/QUOTE] About what? I never said I'm somehow better for my views and actions, I don't care if people go out and have all the casual sex they want, that's on them, that's perfectly fine and doesn't make them bad people. I'm specifically talking about how people who DON'T do that seem to be viewed as lesser men, somehow.

[QUOTE=plunger435;51325583]Have you actually ever told her you've had feelings for her? If not there's no way she can read your mind on that, some people are just bad at picking up on that kind of thing.[/QUOTE] Not outright, but I intend to now. I know that despite not talking about it she knew a few months ago but it will be good to get it out in the open

[QUOTE=killerteacup;51325676]Not outright, but I intend to now. I know that despite not talking about it she knew a few months ago but it will be good to get it out in the open[/QUOTE] Yeah just let her know that's not the kind of conversations you want to be having with her. Either she'll be receptive and you won't need to worry about it again, or she'll be an ass about it and you won't have to feel bad about dropping her completely. [editline]8th November 2016[/editline] [QUOTE=Wealth + Taste;51325669]About what? I never said I'm somehow better for my views and actions, I don't care if people go out and have all the casual sex they want, that's on them, that's perfectly fine and doesn't make them bad people. I'm specifically talking about how people who DON'T do that seem to be viewed as lesser men, somehow.[/QUOTE] [QUOTE=Wealth + Taste;51325357]Man I really hate how our society seems to weigh a man's worth by how much sex he's having [B]One of my friends is in a fraternity, he's a decent guy and a fun guy to be around but he's constantly talking about girls he's fucking, he even showed me a video one time of this girl literally riding him (yeah, he's kind of an absolute scumbag when it comes to women) and all this other shit. In his case, it's probably some deep-seated need to fit in and feel accepted or something, and part of me wishes it was a problem only he had, but really, it isn't.[/B] I'm not a virgin, I've had a girlfriend before etc. but sometimes I really feel that society looks down upon me because I don't go out to the bars all the time to fuck random girls. I'll ocassionally go out and party and if I get talking to a girl and something happens I'm all for casual sex- but [B]I seem to be one of the few (college-aged) men around me who doesn't constantly actively look for hookups and shit.[/B] It's just not my style, and on top of that there's a bunch of shit going on in my life and I'm still not 100% over my ex so I'm just laying low right now, If a nice girl comes along I'll go for it but for right now I'm content not being in a relationship or even pursuing sex at all. I know what I'm doing is perfectly fine and acceptable, I just wish I didn't feel like I loser for doing so.[/QUOTE] You say that, but it doesn't seem like your friend was even belittling you for not getting laid, in fact it looks like the opposite, that you're looking down on him, even saying the reason he acts that way must be some kind of deeper psychological issue for him. If you're really fine ignoring the hookup culture like you say, then you shouldn't have a problem with other people enjoying it. You see?

[QUOTE=plunger435;51325802]Yeah just let her know that's not the kind of conversations you want to be having with her. Either she'll be receptive and you won't need to worry about it again, or she'll be an ass about it and you won't have to feel bad about dropping her completely. [/QUOTE] Just had a talk with her now. You can really tell how busy I am at my job by how quickly I can update you guys Talk went really well. I told her I was into her before we slept together and when we did, I thought I had moved past it but it made me feel a lot more strongly and while I'm coming to terms with that if she could not bring up these guys she's sleeping with that would be great. She said she didn't know and she's very sorry, she thought we just had good banter and didn't realise it was more than that. I told her I never exactly made a secret of it to her, but I didn't want to tell her outright as I knew she didn't want anything with anyone, so I decided to make my peace with it in private and move on but sleeping together was a mistake for me. She asked me why I did it and I was like...well I didn't take the initiative to do it and was really drunk, and I view it as more something that happened to me then something I knowingly initiated which she had to admit was fair, and she said she wouldn't have crossed that line had she known. I ended it by saying that I was pretty sure we wouldn't really work anyway and I've always known that, but I'm having trouble divorcing my feelings from the way I think at the moment and I'm aware of that, so she doesn't need to take pains to reject me, or anything like that - I get it. Talk went well in short. I'm glad I didn't jump the gun. I feel a bit bad, because now I know there won't be another chance at intimacy, but I doubt there was one anyway, and that sucks in itself. It's bad but at least I can move on now.