Super Friendly Social and Love Advice v8 - Stop spamming her with texts. - General

[QUOTE=Genericenemy;52384903]Is it odd that I'm considering asking someone out who I have no common interests with? We seem to get along really well anyway.[/QUOTE] No, not at all?

[QUOTE=GoDong-DK;52384972]No, not at all?[/QUOTE] Yeah I know, slightly stupid question and all, just been out of the game for a long time and just felt a tad off.

Flirted with a girl on instagram, now I'm getting flooded with snapchats woops :v

The company I had interview with came back today with quick update: "Hi [Name]. Just letting you know I will be back to you over the next few days with an update on your interview this week. Chat then" Interview was on monday, idk that messages gives me two options: 1) Accepted - they are drafting contract and will make me an offer in next few days (as he said Chat Then) 2) Refused - I should get ready to be discarded. The waiting is a kill :v:

Okay guys, so I started dating this really sweet and funny girl. It's been going on for about three weeks now, and things have been great. However, I know that I am a generally jealous and controlling person (in terms of some of my worse qualities), and I know this will invariably affect our relationship. What can I do to improve on these traits? How do I make sure I don't mess things up because I'm stupid and paranoid? It's like, I trust her completely and she hasn't given me any reason to think otherwise, but she was telling me about how like all these guys would be hitting on her at this music festival and it made me jealous even though she was making fun of them. It doesn't make any sense, she isn't giving me any reason to feel jealous, it's just how I am. How do I stop it from causing too much trouble further down the road?

[QUOTE=Bathtub;52386535]Okay guys, so I started dating this really sweet and funny girl. It's been going on for about three weeks now, and things have been great. However, I know that I am a generally jealous and controlling person (in terms of some of my worse qualities), and I know this will invariably affect our relationship. What can I do to improve on these traits? How do I make sure I don't mess things up because I'm stupid and paranoid? It's like, I trust her completely and she hasn't given me any reason to think otherwise, but she was telling me about how like all these guys would be hitting on her at this music festival and it made me jealous even though she was making fun of them. It doesn't make any sense, she isn't giving me any reason to feel jealous, it's just how I am. How do I stop it from causing too much trouble further down the road?[/QUOTE] I'll be the first to admit that this probably isn't the best advice and someone else might have something better, but try to ignore it. I mean, I've kinda been the same, and really the way I got over it was by repeatedly telling myself I've no reason to be jealous, and that I trust the person in question. It was pretty difficult and took a long time before I got over it (to be honest, I'm still not completely in control of it), but it's the only way I personally know of.

Need some help. Just got broken up with. It wasn't bad or anything, we’re on good terms, it just wasn't gonna work out, it's kinda complicated. We met a few months ago and I'm taking it pretty hard. It was my first relationship. She wants to still be friends and I do too, she was by far the closest friend I ever had even before we started getting more serious. How can I move on and still be friends? Is that even possible? She’s a really good and close friend of mine so is it possible to move on while still talking to her? Cutting communications is really tough because I don’t have any other person I can be open with to. I don't want to cut her out and like stop talking altogether. Plus we have a bunch of classes together in the fall semester so I don't want things to turn bad or awkward between us. I just don't know how to get over people so help would be nice.

[QUOTE=Spetsnaz95;52386811]I'll be the first to admit that this probably isn't the best advice and someone else might have something better, but try to ignore it. I mean, I've kinda been the same, and really the way I got over it was by repeatedly telling myself I've no reason to be jealous, and that I trust the person in question. It was pretty difficult and took a long time before I got over it (to be honest, I'm still not completely in control of it), but it's the only way I personally know of.[/QUOTE] Thanks for the feedback, man. That's what I've been trying to do, and the feelings pass with time, I just wish I didn't feel them in the first place; she doesn't deserve it.

[QUOTE=Bathtub;52387426]Thanks for the feedback, man. That's what I've been trying to do, and the feelings pass with time, I just wish I didn't feel them in the first place; she doesn't deserve it.[/QUOTE] Any time. It takes time, but I believe you'll get there. It might also be a good idea to talk with her about, but I'll leave that to you.

[QUOTE=Spetsnaz95;52387567]Any time. It takes time, but I believe you'll get there. It might also be a good idea to talk with her about, but I'll leave that to you.[/QUOTE] i already told her that if i was being too controlling or paranoid that she please tell me so i can work on it. so far, she hasn't had a problem with it (at least she hasnt addressed anything), but i still feel like im being an ass

[QUOTE=Pelf;52387340]Need some help. Just got broken up with. It wasn't bad or anything, we’re on good terms, it just wasn't gonna work out, it's kinda complicated. We met a few months ago and I'm taking it pretty hard. It was my first relationship. She wants to still be friends and I do too, she was by far the closest friend I ever had even before we started getting more serious. How can I move on and still be friends? Is that even possible? She’s a really good and close friend of mine so is it possible to move on while still talking to her? Cutting communications is really tough because I don’t have any other person I can be open with to. I don't want to cut her out and like stop talking altogether. Plus we have a bunch of classes together in the fall semester so I don't want things to turn bad or awkward between us. I just don't know how to get over people so help would be nice.[/QUOTE] My girlfriend of 3.5 years broke up with me about 2 months - as you, on good terms, and we both want to be friends. Problem is that you really cant help but be quite heartbroken, and for the first month I basically cut contact. Well that first month also sucked really hard, and when you don't communicate with someone - even if it's your own decision - you kinda end up thinking depressive thoughts like "she doesn't give a shit about me at all" and stuff like that. For me, I've become much happier after we started chatting on facebook again - we don't chat a whole lot, but it helped me, I think. As a result my mind isn't occupied by thoughts about her all the time. With that said, I think the whole "we should continue to be great friends" thought is just unrealistic, and honestly kinda egocentric - I don't think it's really possible to be friends while one still wants to be in a relationship with the other, and I don't think it'd be fair on her part to ask that of you. Down the line, maybe? Personally I hope so, but I'm not really completely over our break-up yet, and I don't know how I'd behave in person with her, to be quite honest. But basically, take a chill, make sure to do what's best for you - whether that's keeping in touch, cutting contact or something in-between, just focus on yourself and not on others' expectations of you.

In my mind, friends after a breakup doesn't really work. If she's the one that broke up with you, then she's been thinking about that for a while. Probably weeks or maybe months (depending on how long your relation was). So all that time she had time to prepare for a life without you, while you probably didn't see it coming and are heartbroken. Saying she just wants to stay friends helps her not feel guilty for breaking you. Even if that isn't the case, what if one of you starts to go out with someone again. It's not really fair for your new partner to find out you're still best friends with your old partner. They're always going to have that in the back of their head. Just my opinion tho, maybe it works out fine for the both of you

[QUOTE=Kirbyfactor;52389094]In my mind, friends after a breakup doesn't really work. If she's the one that broke up with you, then she's been thinking about that for a while. Probably weeks or maybe months (depending on how long your relation was). So all that time she had time to prepare for a life without you, while you probably didn't see it coming and are heartbroken. Saying she just wants to stay friends helps her not feel guilty for breaking you. Even if that isn't the case, what if one of you starts to go out with someone again. It's not really fair for your new partner to find out you're still best friends with your old partner. They're always going to have that in the back of their head. Just my opinion tho, maybe it works out fine for the both of you[/QUOTE] I'm pretty good friends with my other ex - sure that relationship was less serious, but I don't think it's necessarily impossible. Probably, as with many other things, it depends a lot on the people involved. But yeah, as I said, it might be a bit too early for me to "just be friends". It takes a while to get over shit like a break up, but when you do, I don't really see the obstacle. Edit: And ty bbz.

Thanks for the advice guys. It's kind of a complicated situation but I'll keep your advice in mind going forward.

So, I'm 20 and been single for my whole life, guess that it goes without saying that I'm a virgin as well. I'm extremely bad around girls and I always run out of things to talk about, guess I'm just an autist or an eternal beta or some shit like that. But anyways..! Today I decided to bite the bullet and finally installed Tinder, I'm taking any and all advice on how to improve my situation. Please help, this is urgent, I'm tired of being alone :v:

Rule number 1: stop thinking of people as "alphas" or "betas" cuz that's dumb and isn't how dating works. Rule number 2: don't seek out a relationship just because you're tired of being alone, seek people out because you genuinely wanna make some connections, be it platonic or romantic. not every conversation is gonna lead to the ultimate romantic encounter and its more likely that you'll be ghosted every so often cuz people on tinder do that. Rule number 3: make sure your photos on Tinder aren't bad, make sure your description isn't dumb, and make sure you're doing your best to be chill and cool and don't be rude to people over an app because that's dumb that's like the most simple answer to your issues, but it can be expanded upon if you're curious about anything.

[QUOTE=Pascall;52391633]Rule number 1: stop thinking of people as "alphas" or "betas" cuz that's dumb and isn't how dating works. Rule number 2: don't seek out a relationship just because you're tired of being alone, seek people out because you genuinely wanna make some connections, be it platonic or romantic. not every conversation is gonna lead to the ultimate romantic encounter and its more likely that you'll be ghosted every so often cuz people on tinder do that. Rule number 3: make sure your photos on Tinder aren't bad, make sure your description isn't dumb, and make sure you're doing your best to be chill and cool and don't be rude to people over an app because that's dumb that's like the most simple answer to your issues, but it can be expanded upon if you're curious about anything.[/QUOTE] I mean, I know this might sound dumb but the thing I'm worried the most about is the relationship itself and the fact that I'm 20. People have pretty high expectations for me y'know? Also, I'm not really seeking a relationship just for the sake of having someone, it's an another aspect of life I haven't experienced yet and want to experience, but it seems so challenging.. For example, how do I keep someone interested in me? All of this should be basic shit but I lived most of my teens isolated from everyone else because life wasn't treating me the way I wanted it to treat me, but anyways.. Is there a discord server for this thread btw? Would be so much better to chat with y'all in real-time.

There's no discord server that I know of, but anyone is free to make one, idc lol. People's lives aren't on a timeline. You don't have to have X amount of relationships by age Y or you don't have to lose your virginity at the same time as everyone else. Sure, you may be snubbed by people who are looking for someone more experienced, but that's only a percentage of the available population. The rest may be just as inexperienced and confused as you are. You're 20, that's not super old or anything. To keep people interested in you, you have to find someone who is interested in you to begin with. You shouldn't have to jump through hoops to pretend you're interesting to keep someone paying attention to you. You want the attention from the people who are already saying to themselves, "hey, we have some stuff in common, I'll chat them up for a bit". Chances are, they ALREADY find something about you that's interesting. Don't gotta do a whole song and dance. I mean it helps to care about your appearance and hygiene, as most people care about that in a potential partner, and it helps to make an effort to listen to the other when they share things they like to do. Ultimately, if you're good at listening, can hold a meaningful conversation, dress okay, and aren't smelly, you'll find someone out there who wants to at least talk with you.

[QUOTE=Branflakes;52371378]I've been taking a few ballroom lessons for a while just for something to do, I'm an odd man out. So the instructor invited someone out from this dance group she runs so I would have a partner, it just so happens that I ran into this girl a few weeks back and some dance in the garden thing. I know I'm overthinking this but I want to try asking her out for coffee or something. I'm interested in joining that dance club she's in but I'm afraid that if she shoots me down it might be awkward at the events. Even though if it doesn't workout I'm sure nothing bad would happen. This sounds bad writing this but as for asking her all I need to do is just ask her after the lesson if she would be interested in grabbing coffee or tea sometime?[/QUOTE] I ponied up and asked her if she wanted to grab coffee this weekend. Guess we're grabbing coffee Saturday evening! Is it bad I hesitated asking her for her number but asked for her FB instead?

[QUOTE=Branflakes;52391827]I ponied up and asked her if she wanted to grab coffee this weekend. Guess we're grabbing coffee Saturday evening! Is it bad I hesitated asking her for her number but asked for her FB instead?[/QUOTE] Absolutely not man, for whatever reason it has become more socially acceptable to ask people for their social media information before the phone number. The good news is that it becomes a stepping stone towards texting.

Well, I've made a discord for any and all that want to join. [URL]https://discord.gg/T8xd52D[/URL] I'll be handing out admin/moderator rights to the people I think would do great on the position, feel free to join! :) Edit: I'll be heading off to bed, I'll wake up in like 10-11 hours and check the discord, anyone that might want to help moderate/administrate the channel just leave a message on the main channel.

[QUOTE=manian112;52391660]I mean, I know this might sound dumb but the thing I'm worried the most about is the relationship itself and the fact that I'm 20. People have pretty high expectations for me y'know?[/QUOTE] Nobody is going to be judging you on your past experiences like it's a job interview or something. Being a good partner is mostly about being caring, thoughtful, sympathetic, willing to communicate, etc. There aren't a lot of strict rules or customs that people will expect you to fulfill, and anybody who has expectations of you without even telling you what their expectations are is just not somebody you should even WANT to be close to. I'm 28 and I've never been in a long committed relationship. I don't look at it in terms of "Whoever I end up with is going to have such a hard time dealing with my inexperience." I look at it more like "Whoever I end up with is going to be [i]really lucky[/i] because I have so much to offer and I'm not jaded by any shitty past relationships"

[QUOTE=manian112;52391660]I mean, I know this might sound dumb but the thing I'm worried the most about is the relationship itself and the fact that I'm 20. People have pretty high expectations for me y'know? Also, I'm not really seeking a relationship just for the sake of having someone, it's an another aspect of life I haven't experienced yet and want to experience, but it seems so challenging.. For example, how do I keep someone interested in me? All of this should be basic shit but I lived most of my teens isolated from everyone else because life wasn't treating me the way I wanted it to treat me, but anyways.. Is there a discord server for this thread btw? Would be so much better to chat with y'all in real-time.[/QUOTE] When you find the right kind of person, none of that will matter. You can't keep someone interested in you if they don't want to be, or aren't compatible. Someone who genuinely cares about you won't care about your inexperience. They'll be excited about it! Find the right people(this will take time.) and surround yourself with them.

[QUOTE=Kabstrac;52392291]I need advice sort of I'm dating a girl and we've been together a cumulative of almost 4 years with break at one point for a few months. During those months I was dating and stuff, but eventually we reconnected and I'm super happy new with her and we've fixed a lot of our issues in our relationship. While we were separated (my gf and I), this girl I met off of tinder and I hit it off as friends than anything else and we were super close friends for a while until we had a bit of a tiff. This girl and I stopped taking for sometime until today when she texted me cause she saw me at a marketplace. Thing is, my girlfriend is a bit of the jealous type and it doesn't help that my friend also dated my girlfriend's ex at one point. Basically, my GF hates my friend and I want to maybe hang out with my friend again but I don't know what to do about my girlfriend, I don't want her to be anxious or jealous or angry. I know the usually advice is "talk to your partner and explain your position" which I guess is what I'll do, it just sucks and it gives me a headache ugh. I don't want to upset my gf, but I want to catch up with my friend. I value my relationship with my gf more than my friend, obviously, but out of principle it should be fine for me to have friends that are girls, I've been like that my whole life. It's pooopy, I hate jealousy[/QUOTE] Well, you have two paths forward here, either go, or don't. Ultimately I think in these situations, you should understand that it is totally okay to go and hang out platonically with other women while you're in a relationship. If your SO is being unreasonably jealous, or acting out just because this is another girl in your life, she's being unreasonable and you shouldn't take her into account when making your decision. From what you've posted that seems like it's the case. However I don't know man, it may not be worth it if this person isn't so special to you, and if there's sufficient basis for your girlfriend to be suspicious about your motives, and possibly this girls. You met the girl off tinder, and then became super close friends for a while, so if there was ever any romantic attraction I can understand where your SO is coming from. That said, if you do decide to acquiesce and not hang out with this girl, and you don't have feelings for her and just want to avoid the trouble, maybe file away your girlfriend's reaction for future reference if something like this pops up again. At the end of the day I often find the best solution is just to hang out with them but invite your girlfriend if they are that worried. Bring them into the fold. Generally, I have also found that to be a good indicator of whether they are acting without basis or not. Often (though not always) if a partner is railing against a new person in your life, but then blanches at the idea of meeting them, you can file it in the 'unreasonable basket'.

[QUOTE=manian112;52391571]So, I'm 20 and been single for my whole life, guess that it goes without saying that I'm a virgin as well. I'm extremely bad around girls and I always run out of things to talk about, guess I'm just an autist or an eternal beta or some shit like that. But anyways..! Today I decided to bite the bullet and finally installed Tinder, I'm taking any and all advice on how to improve my situation. Please help, this is urgent, I'm tired of being alone :v:[/QUOTE] Tinder is a pretty superficial place - isn't like I was getting no matches before, but changing from a kinda goofy picture to one where I just look normal has probably increased my match rate three fold. Personally I look through people's pictures and read their bios, but I guess most people just swipe left/right. Make sure the picture is well lit, includes your face and upper body, and maybe consider getting one of your friends to take the picture out in the city or country side or whatever. And people like happy people, so smile. Can't help you with the following conversations, though, I'm pretty nooby in that regard. I don't know whether I'm being direct enough, too polite, whatever.

[QUOTE=manian112;52391660]I mean, I know this might sound dumb but the thing I'm worried the most about is the relationship itself and the fact that I'm 20. People have pretty high expectations for me y'know? Also, I'm not really seeking a relationship just for the sake of having someone, it's an another aspect of life I haven't experienced yet and want to experience, but it seems so challenging.. For example, how do I keep someone interested in me? All of this should be basic shit but I lived most of my teens isolated from everyone else because life wasn't treating me the way I wanted it to treat me, but anyways.. Is there a discord server for this thread btw? Would be so much better to chat with y'all in real-time.[/QUOTE] i'm the same age and same situation almost and it wasn't until recently that i realized it's not something i need to actively pursue. my conversation skills still suck, like just the other day i met the new person at work and i started sweating while talking to her lol but now i know it's just a matter of saying whatever and not worrying too much about anything in particular. don't overthink your conversations and have enough confidence to say whatever comes naturally.

Don't forget photos from the gym and height. I recently added one and got a 10x match increase. I'm at 500+ matches at the moment.

[QUOTE=farmatyr;52393547]Don't forget photos from the gym and height. I recently added one and got a 10x match increase. I'm at 500+ matches at the moment.[/QUOTE] Unless you're short like me (~165 cm), specifying your height can be a detriment. Though you can argue that anyone worth your time won't brush you off because of your height, but you most certainly won't find people like that on tinder(most of the time).

[QUOTE=Bathtub;52386535]Okay guys, so I started dating this really sweet and funny girl. It's been going on for about three weeks now, and things have been great. However, I know that I am a generally jealous and controlling person (in terms of some of my worse qualities), and I know this will invariably affect our relationship. What can I do to improve on these traits? How do I make sure I don't mess things up because I'm stupid and paranoid? It's like, I trust her completely and she hasn't given me any reason to think otherwise, but she was telling me about how like all these guys would be hitting on her at this music festival and it made me jealous even though she was making fun of them. It doesn't make any sense, she isn't giving me any reason to feel jealous, it's just how I am. How do I stop it from causing too much trouble further down the road?[/QUOTE] You've done the hardest part already, identifying parts of you you'd like to improve. The best advice I can offer would be this guy's advice, although it's more aimed at motivating yourself than changing yourself: [media]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FBIao6nI58o[/media] Every video this guy puts out looks like clickbait and every one is absolute gold. Basically, we recognise that our brain is trying to help us avoid pain, and getting it wrong. You may have had an experience where your brained learned "if I'm jealous, I'm alert, I'm paying attention, I'm not going to get screwed over". Then we associate all the negatives and pain you can with not changing, until you find your leverage, something that really makes you think "damn, I don't want that". Then the same for making the change, I associate every positive and pleasure I can with fixing myself. And something I'd add, never go for extrinsic motivation (another's opinion, some physical reward, money, etc.) Always go for intrinsic motivation, the emotion you get.

I've been texting/snapchatting this tinder girl and in one of her snaps she had a bottle of mikes hard lemonade and I jokingly asked her to share it with me because it has my name on it and she said "that's why I have my lips around it :)" now we have plans to get ice cream and go hiking on monday!