Super Friendly Social and Love Advice v8 - Stop spamming her with texts. - General

[QUOTE=Blazyd;52394439]I've been texting/snapchatting this tinder girl and in one of her snaps she had a bottle of mikes hard lemonade and I jokingly asked her to share it with me because it has my name on it and she said "that's why I have my lips around it :)" now we have plans to get ice cream and go hiking on monday![/QUOTE] there really is nothing sexier than honesty and confidence

[QUOTE=GoDong-DK;52388799]My girlfriend of 3.5 years broke up with me about 2 months - as you, on good terms, and we both want to be friends. Problem is that you really cant help but be quite heartbroken, and for the first month I basically cut contact. Well that first month also sucked really hard, and when you don't communicate with someone - even if it's your own decision - you kinda end up thinking depressive thoughts like "she doesn't give a shit about me at all" and stuff like that. For me, I've become much happier after we started chatting on facebook again - we don't chat a whole lot, but it helped me, I think. As a result my mind isn't occupied by thoughts about her all the time. With that said, I think the whole "we should continue to be great friends" thought is just unrealistic, and honestly kinda egocentric - I don't think it's really possible to be friends while one still wants to be in a relationship with the other, and I don't think it'd be fair on her part to ask that of you. Down the line, maybe? Personally I hope so, but I'm not really completely over our break-up yet, and I don't know how I'd behave in person with her, to be quite honest. But basically, take a chill, make sure to do what's best for you - whether that's keeping in touch, cutting contact or something in-between, just focus on yourself and not on others' expectations of you.[/QUOTE] Thanks for this post. I'm in your exact position as of 2 days ago. She broke up after 3.5 years (to the day, actually). It's fucking rough and we left on decent terms. Would you say it would be to contact her sooner rather than later to initiate conversation again? I'm really just trying not to let this trip me up, and treat the door she closed as another one opening.

Well shit. After 2 and a half months of being generally okay after my breakup. My ex messaged me tonight to ask me about something (she was basically making conversation) and from also talking to my friends about it a flood of emotions have come up and I want to speak to her and see about meeting up... I am so stuck on what to do I can't even sleep. I know what I want to do but logically I'm thinking She cheated on you, then broke up with you the day after... disrespected me and more and now it feels like I'm crawling back

[QUOTE=TrannyAlert;52395483]Well shit. After 2 and a half months of being generally okay after my breakup. My ex messaged me tonight to ask me about something (she was basically making conversation) and from also talking to my friends about it a flood of emotions have come up and I want to speak to her and see about meeting up... I am so stuck on what to do I can't even sleep. I know what I want to do but logically I'm thinking She cheated on you, then broke up with you the day after... disrespected me and more and now it feels like I'm crawling back[/QUOTE] If you can see some kind of remorse in her, why not. But she did everything you said, and might even have no remorse about it. May not be your brightest idea in that case. At least breaking up with you is fairer than keeping the not that fair relationship (in my mind at least)

[QUOTE=Eirheinger;52396021]If you can see some kind of remorse in her, why not. But she did everything you said, and might even have no remorse about it. May not be your brightest idea in that case. At least breaking up with you is fairer than keeping the not that fair relationship (in my mind at least)[/QUOTE] That's true. I shall see how it goes and if she's genuinly remorseful then maybe we can see if it works... [editline]24th June 2017[/editline] Just spoke to my mum about it and she said she's had 2 and a half months to approach me and say something. Maybe she's getting lonely/cant find attention elsewhere. I'm gonna speak to her but she has to be the one to come to me, I'm not lowering myself one bit.

Meeting up with her today. Found out she did cheat on me the day before and she also had sex with our mutual friend who we played D&D with a day before he left for thailand. This was after we broke up but I was even going to visit him in Thailand this September... Emotions and feelings are weird. I still want to give it a go after what she's done. Circumstances are different so it could work but, if anything happens that I don't like I'm just gonna end it since I've already been through all that shit...

[QUOTE=TrannyAlert;52396512]Meeting up with her today. Found out she did cheat on me the day before and she also had sex with our mutual friend who we played D&D with a day before he left for thailand. This was after we broke up but I was even going to visit him in Thailand this September... Emotions and feelings are weird. I still want to give it a go after what she's done. Circumstances are different so it could work but, if anything happens that I don't like I'm just gonna end it since I've already been through all that shit...[/QUOTE] Getting back together with her is a terrible idea, dude. Obviously, I don't know the full story, but her cheating on you and then banging your friend soon after breakup has made it clear that she does value your feelings. You are better than this. If you get back together, I don't think anything is gonna change.

Well been speaking to her and she didn't want to meet up today, she was feeling sick from being anxious and other stuff. I gave her the ultimatum of "Basically Nicole, we either meet up today or never again. I'm not waiting around since I'm busy tomorrow and I'm not having this on my mind all week" and she said "Then we don't... I can't do this I'm sorry..." Right well. That's that done. Thanks for the opinions and help guys. Like you said, someone like that isn't worth my time at all. I've seen her worst over the two years and she's actually a horrible person under the skin... There are a shit load of people on the planet and one will give as much respect as I give them. I think what she's trying to do mainly is to get rid of her guilt. She said she's been feeling so guilty and she feels like shit for what she's done to me. Sounds to me like she doesn't care at all she just wants to stop feeling guilty.

[QUOTE=TrannyAlert;52396682]Well been speaking to her and she didn't want to meet up today, she was feeling sick from being anxious and other stuff. I gave her the ultimatum of "Basically Nicole, we either meet up today or never again. I'm not waiting around since I'm busy tomorrow and I'm not having this on my mind all week" and she said "Then we don't... I can't do this I'm sorry..." Right well. That's that done. Thanks for the opinions and help guys. Like you said, someone like that isn't worth my time at all. I've seen her worst over the two years and she's actually a horrible person under the skin... There are a shit load of people on the planet and one will give as much respect as I give them. I think what she's trying to do mainly is to get rid of her guilt. She said she's been feeling so guilty and she feels like shit for what she's done to me. Sounds to me like she doesn't care at all she just wants to stop feeling guilty.[/QUOTE] Giving people ultimatums over emotional things very rarely works out well, it is always much better to just sack people off from the get go and find other people to spend time with, no matter how hard that sounds.

Well it was either that or my mind would be a mess all day and for the rest of the week and she's fucked me around enough as it is and I refuse to let it happen for another week or so. I feel as if I can move on now anyway.

[QUOTE=TrannyAlert;52396756]Well it was either that or my mind would be a mess all day and for the rest of the week and she's fucked me around enough as it is and I refuse to let it happen for another week or so. I feel as if I can move on now anyway.[/QUOTE] Good, she would not have done anything other than hurt you. It's time to find someone who deserves you.

[QUOTE=Bathtub;52396794]Good, she would not have done anything other than hurt you. It's time to find someone who deserves you.[/QUOTE] Will you be that person :poot: Jokes aside, thanks for the advice all.

[QUOTE=TrannyAlert;52396805]Will you be that person :poot: Jokes aside, thanks for the advice all.[/QUOTE] yes, i have always loved you

[URL="https://discord.gg/T8xd52D"]https://discord.gg/T8xd52D[/URL] Just posting this here one more time! :v: It's a discord for this thread.

I just realized how slow my life is evolving :v: I am 24. Literally 90% (Not even exaggerating) of people that I went to school with - have kids and families now. Out of 60 people who finished school, 4 went to college, the rest went off to take few years break, eventually settled into relation ship, then kids, then went into manual labor job (carpenters, electricians, plumbers, construction workers etc..), it worked out well for all of them which makes me think: Either I am doing something wrong that 6 years after graduating from school - I dont have absolute jack shit, I work on full time job and am single without even focusing on relationships too much. or I am progressing too slowly, maybe I should shift focus on family and relationships instead? Idk.

[QUOTE=arleitiss;52396924]I just realized how slow my life is evolving :v: I am 24. Literally 90% (Not even exaggerating) of people that I went to school with - have kids and families now. Out of 60 people who finished school, 4 went to college, the rest went off to take few years break, eventually settled into relation ship, then kids, then went into manual labor job (carpenters, electricians, plumbers, construction workers etc..), it worked out well for all of them which makes me think: Either I am doing something wrong that 6 years after graduating from school - I dont have absolute jack shit, I work on full time job and am single without even focusing on relationships too much. or I am progressing too slowly, maybe I should shift focus on family and relationships instead? Idk.[/QUOTE] there's no list of goals that you have to reach when you get to a certain age, you're not going slow, and they aren't going fast, you're just moving at your own speeds. I mean, think of it conversely, what if you were married, and all your friends were married, but all your friends started to get divorces, would you then be thinking "damn, all my friends are getting divorced, maybe I should start doing that too"? you're 24, thats still young. If I'm honest (and this is just based on where I'm from I guess) being your age and having kids is a. a bit too young for that (just imo) and b. pretty uncommon really.

[QUOTE=Marzipas;52396935]there's no list of goals that you have to reach when you get to a certain age, you're not going slow, and they aren't going fast, you're just moving at your own speeds. I mean, think of it conversely, what if you were married, and all your friends were married, but all your friends started to get divorces, would you then be thinking "damn, all my friends are getting divorced, maybe I should start doing that too"? you're 24, thats still young. If I'm honest (and this is just based on where I'm from I guess) being your age and having kids is a. a bit too young for that (just imo) and b. pretty uncommon really.[/QUOTE] I think it's a bad idea too, seeing all the adults I know that had kids when they were -25yo, a few years later their lifes seem ruined by their children because they didn't live their youth enough (for the majority of them). Tell me if I don't make any sense.

[QUOTE=arleitiss;52396924]I just realized how slow my life is evolving :v: I am 24. Literally 90% (Not even exaggerating) of people that I went to school with - have kids and families now. Out of 60 people who finished school, 4 went to college, the rest went off to take few years break, eventually settled into relation ship, then kids, then went into manual labor job (carpenters, electricians, plumbers, construction workers etc..), it worked out well for all of them which makes me think: Either I am doing something wrong that 6 years after graduating from school - I dont have absolute jack shit, I work on full time job and am single without even focusing on relationships too much. or I am progressing too slowly, maybe I should shift focus on family and relationships instead? Idk.[/QUOTE] They have kids and families because they put a lot of stock and personal priority into having kids and getting married. It doesn't mean in any way that you have to follow their path. Live the way -you- want, not the way others do.

[QUOTE=arleitiss;52396924]I just realized how slow my life is evolving :v: I am 24. Literally 90% (Not even exaggerating) of people that I went to school with - have kids and families now. Out of 60 people who finished school, 4 went to college, the rest went off to take few years break, eventually settled into relation ship, then kids, then went into manual labor job (carpenters, electricians, plumbers, construction workers etc..), it worked out well for all of them which makes me think: Either I am doing something wrong that 6 years after graduating from school - I dont have absolute jack shit, I work on full time job and am single without even focusing on relationships too much. or I am progressing too slowly, maybe I should shift focus on family and relationships instead? Idk.[/QUOTE] I am 26, I have a job, a guinea pig and an expensive motorbike and that's it. I'm happy! It's the last bit that's important - worrying about what society expects of you by a given age is a guaranteed route to being unhappy and striving for meaningless unattainables.

Btw I don't have permission to post on the group's Discord channel what's up with that?

Ok, i wanna share this with anyone. Maybe no one reads it, but its ok, writing it will be enough. I got in love, with a friend i made since march. One of the few people in my life who truly understands me and has made me feel special. After a few months told her what i felt. She said she didnt felt that, but told me i was one of the most special persons in her life. That i took her out of her depression and all the days we have shared and enjoyed have been awesome. Since that i have tried to remain cool with that. We have met a lot and really enjoyed what we have done. We started seeing each other less since uni got really heavy on me. We have a lot of projects and ideas that we want to accomplish. A lot of times she has said those are alone the things that keep her motivated. She then started telling me she was seeing her ex´s family because shit was hardcore back at her house. I understood, but im no idiot too. When i fell in love with her i knew it wasnt gonna be easy. She was getting out of a recent relationship that was all to her. Her ex cheated on her and many guys came to her looking for something romantic, so i guess shes alone and hates the fact she is not capable of making relationships that dont require her giving a little body. I Told myself "well, i can be her friend and really support her, even in some of her romantic tales" but i realize how ridiculous a plan like that is for someone with zero emotional stability like me. In that sense...i felt something i havent really thought about since ever. I always do this thing, where im 100% available to people i wanna be all the time with. I make myself dispensable, and all in all, is making me miserable. I dont really think she knows im this much inlove with her, but i cant keep doing this to me, putting myself all by myself in the friendzone. Doing stuff nobody asked me to do, and falling in love with people who arent interested in me. Saw a few instagram stories where she and her ex were fooling around (maybe kiss or not idk) and told myself its enough. Im not being honest with me or her about my feelings, and im never am. Between my emotional stability and their emotional stability, i always pick the person i love over me, and that just has made me miserable my entire life. When i fell in love with my ex, it was super easy. No one had to convince the other about our feelings. So, after all this, i have decided to come out straight with what i feel, and put and end to our relationship. I fucking hate this because it literally came out to crush her or crush myself, and im tired of rooting for everyone but me. I hate to do this to her, confirming all her fears about me and other men, but i cant handle this anymore, and im not acting for false hopes im myself feeding to my brain. I gotta be the bad guy for once and grab some control on my life. Do you think im being a total jerk?

There's a small middle ground there of just being okay friends. Keep in touch occasionally. Don't be her emotional crutch. Don't get too close since it pains you. You don't need to run completely away but recognizing you aren't going to get what you want out of that relationship and thus not putting effort into it is a good idea. Like maybe don't message her again but if you bump into her on the street say hello. Let the relationship end naturally. Just drift away. Don't be a sperg or dick about it, she'll get it I think.

[QUOTE=thrawn2787;52399158]There's a small middle ground there of just being okay friends. Keep in touch occasionally. Don't be her emotional crutch. Don't get too close since it pains you. You don't need to run completely away but recognizing you aren't going to get what you want out of that relationship and thus not putting effort into it is a good idea. Like maybe don't message her again but if you bump into her on the street say hello. Let the relationship end naturally. Just drift away. Don't be a sperg or dick about it, she'll get it I think.[/QUOTE] problem is shes counting on me about going filming these music videos and ideas we have been cracking up since a while. My vacations are in 2 weeks and shes waiting for me to be free to start on working on those. If im not able to do this, i gotta tell her. Silently avoiding her is not gonna do any better.

[QUOTE=autodesknoob;52399239]problem is shes counting on me about going filming these music videos and ideas we have been cracking up since a while. My vacations are in 2 weeks and shes waiting for me to be free to start on working on those. If im not able to do this, i gotta tell her. Silently avoiding her is not gonna do any better.[/QUOTE] I would tell her everything. Insist on the fact that this situation is driving you mad. Don't be a dick, be as tactful as you can. Don't shutdown the entire friendship. As thrawn2787 said, you can just put less and less effort into it, and you'll see how it goes. But I think she deserve to know why you won't put effort anymore. I lived a really similar situation. I decided to completely cut out everything. It was 4 years ago, I still feel bad about it. That was a mistake, obviously.

[QUOTE=autodesknoob;52398937]Ok, i wanna share this with anyone. Maybe no one reads it, but its ok, writing it will be enough. I got in love, with a friend i made since march. One of the few people in my life who truly understands me and has made me feel special. After a few months told her what i felt. She said she didnt felt that, but told me i was one of the most special persons in her life. That i took her out of her depression and all the days we have shared and enjoyed have been awesome. Since that i have tried to remain cool with that. We have met a lot and really enjoyed what we have done. We started seeing each other less since uni got really heavy on me. We have a lot of projects and ideas that we want to accomplish. A lot of times she has said those are alone the things that keep her motivated. She then started telling me she was seeing her ex´s family because shit was hardcore back at her house. I understood, but im no idiot too. When i fell in love with her i knew it wasnt gonna be easy. She was getting out of a recent relationship that was all to her. Her ex cheated on her and many guys came to her looking for something romantic, so i guess shes alone and hates the fact she is not capable of making relationships that dont require her giving a little body. I Told myself "well, i can be her friend and really support her, even in some of her romantic tales" but i realize how ridiculous a plan like that is for someone with zero emotional stability like me. In that sense...i felt something i havent really thought about since ever. I always do this thing, where im 100% available to people i wanna be all the time with. I make myself dispensable, and all in all, is making me miserable. I dont really think she knows im this much inlove with her, but i cant keep doing this to me, putting myself all by myself in the friendzone. Doing stuff nobody asked me to do, and falling in love with people who arent interested in me. Saw a few instagram stories where she and her ex were fooling around (maybe kiss or not idk) and told myself its enough. Im not being honest with me or her about my feelings, and im never am. Between my emotional stability and their emotional stability, i always pick the person i love over me, and that just has made me miserable my entire life. When i fell in love with my ex, it was super easy. No one had to convince the other about our feelings. So, after all this, i have decided to come out straight with what i feel, and put and end to our relationship. I fucking hate this because it literally came out to crush her or crush myself, and im tired of rooting for everyone but me. I hate to do this to her, confirming all her fears about me and other men, but i cant handle this anymore, and im not acting for false hopes im myself feeding to my brain. I gotta be the bad guy for once and grab some control on my life. Do you think im being a total jerk?[/QUOTE] You are not being a total jerk. You gotta let yourself win every once in awhile man, I'm sorry you had to go through all this.

[QUOTE=autodesknoob;52398937]Ok, i wanna share this with anyone. Maybe no one reads it, but its ok, writing it will be enough. ... Do you think im being a total jerk?[/QUOTE] holy shit is this my recent past? i've been through your exact situation. no, you are not being a jerk, you're doing what's right for you which is what should matter most you do what makes you happy, you gotta make the hard decisions and suck it up, happiness is a goal you achieve by crawling through mud

[QUOTE=autodesknoob;52398937]Text[/QUOTE] You are not a jerk, your own feelings should take priority for you. I'm in exactly the same situation except that I live in the same house next to the woman. Just don't actively avoid her, like if you see her be friendly and stuff and treat her with respect.

[QUOTE=manian112;52396854][URL="https://discord.gg/T8xd52D"]https://discord.gg/T8xd52D[/URL] Just posting this here one more time! :v: It's a discord for this thread.[/QUOTE] Just like to point out that I'm doing a lot of the set up and admin work but I can't manage it on a long term basis. Volunteers requested :v:

I have been meeting new people at work but I fear approaching them because I feel like they will hurt me, as in, using me as a target for jokes or someone to blame for things, however, every single person I have met to this point has been nice to me. Everyone keeps their cool, nobody blames each other or complains, at the least not in front of them and nothing ever gets to actually targetting someone or straight up humiliation. It's a nice environment The problem I have is that I keep putting myself in situations where it's easy for someone to humiliate me. I suddenly feel the impulse to do that, what I normally fear suddenly becomes something I desire and then I regret my decision. For example, I'm having a normal conversation with other people and then the conversation touches a topic I happen to know more than I should about (i.e kinky stuff). I'm firmly aware that there are certain things that will make most people freak out, so I don't say them, but then I feel the impulse, the tingling sensation "I want people to think I'm weird". So I go ahead and say something that will obviously make everyone think I'm weird. Of course everyone laughs at me and makes fun of me right after and I end up humiliated and I briefly enjoy it for some reason, but then the impulse fades away and I start to feel ashamed of it. A sudden moment of realization "Oh my god, I actually said that". Even people around me ask me "Seriously man, if you already know people are gonna make fun of you and humiliate you for saying those things, why do you say it?" I really don't know why I do this to myself, I hate it, but I can't stop feeling the urge to do it. I hate being humiliated, but I keep somehow convincing myself to put myself in situations that will lead to it and all it does is make me feel horrible in the end because people think I'm crazy or weird. Is it normal to feel like this?

[QUOTE=autodesknoob;52398937]Do you think im being a total jerk?[/QUOTE] I've been through situations like this before, and the question always comes down to: Is she really a great friend outside of any romantic feelings? I made a really dramatic move like that one time, basically cutting a friend out of my life because I couldn't keep my feelings under control. I told her all about what I was going through and it turned out to be this kind of big final goodbye. But we were co-workers, so we continued to see each other quite a bit. Maybe it helped me to have a few months away from her, I don't know, but I eventually regretted that decision and got back in touch with her. So we're friends again. A lot of the same feelings are there, I'm just a little better at managing them now. Overall I feel like it was a bad move to try to "end" the friendship, and things would probably be better if I had just taken a few steps back and gave myself a little more space. However, I've had other female friends in the past where feelings quickly developed, but after a while, when I learned they weren't interested, it occurred to me that I didn't really want to stay friends. So while it felt like I was IN LOVE with them, I was only able to realize afterwards that I was just kind of clouded by infatuation. So I think if you completely sever ties with a person all at once, you would regret it. But it is good to step back from the situation and take some time to sort yourself out. You just don't HAVE to do it formally. That is, you don't have to make it a whole discussion with her unless she notices things have changed and wants to know why. Honesty is good, but take some alone time to figure things out before committing to a big decision like that.