Super Friendly Social and Love Advice v8 - Stop spamming her with texts. - General

[QUOTE=Sgt. Nikolai;52400209]I have been meeting new people at work but I fear approaching them because I feel like they will hurt me, as in, using me as a target for jokes or someone to blame for things, however, every single person I have met to this point has been nice to me. Everyone keeps their cool, nobody blames each other or complains, at the least not in front of them and nothing ever gets to actually targetting someone or straight up humiliation. It's a nice environment The problem I have is that I keep putting myself in situations where it's easy for someone to humiliate me. I suddenly feel the impulse to do that, what I normally fear suddenly becomes something I desire and then I regret my decision. For example, I'm having a normal conversation with other people and then the conversation touches a topic I happen to know more than I should about (i.e kinky stuff). I'm firmly aware that there are certain things that will make most people freak out, so I don't say them, but then I feel the impulse, the tingling sensation "I want people to think I'm weird". So I go ahead and say something that will obviously make everyone think I'm weird. Of course everyone laughs at me and makes fun of me right after and I end up humiliated and I briefly enjoy it for some reason, but then the impulse fades away and I start to feel ashamed of it. A sudden moment of realization "Oh my god, I actually said that". Even people around me ask me "Seriously man, if you already know people are gonna make fun of you and humiliate you for saying those things, why do you say it?" I really don't know why I do this to myself, I hate it, but I can't stop feeling the urge to do it. I hate being humiliated, but I keep somehow convincing myself to put myself in situations that will lead to it and all it does is make me feel horrible in the end because people think I'm crazy or weird. Is it normal to feel like this?[/QUOTE] I know LOADS of people who do this dude, to me it seems like you and them just want to be appreciated (like we all do). The people I knew that did this seemed to have really low self confidence and it seemed like they did those weird things because they didn't see any more value in themselves than what they presented to people on the surface (e.g. the weird kooky attitude). Honestly from my own personal experience of doing exactly that for years, I can tell you that its not worth it, because you just end up with really disingenuous relationships. That was years ago for me, but what changed my mind was how I saw people react to me after I'd been able to open up to them in some way, you don't have to be really forward with it, but maybe give it a try? And if they ridicule you for opening up, honestly they might not be worth talking to for now. Also don't expect this to happen over night :P ------- On a similar topic, after a really bad breakup a few months ago, I only just realized recently how much more respect I have for myself than I used to. In the months after the breakup 3 girls have approached me wanting a relationship and rather than just jumping on the first option out of fear or loneliness I actually managed to turn them down (just because I'm not ready for a relationship I guess) and for the past few months I've just been really enjoying my time, it feels good to not feel the need to chase after someone.

[QUOTE=Loofiloo;52400254]I've been through situations like this before, and the question always comes down to: Is she really a great friend outside of any romantic feelings? I made a really dramatic move like that one time, basically cutting a friend out of my life because I couldn't keep my feelings under control. I told her all about what I was going through and it turned out to be this kind of big final goodbye. But we were co-workers, so we continued to see each other quite a bit. Maybe it helped me to have a few months away from her, I don't know, but I eventually regretted that decision and got back in touch with her. So we're friends again. A lot of the same feelings are there, I'm just a little better at managing them now. Overall I feel like it was a bad move to try to "end" the friendship, and things would probably be better if I had just taken a few steps back and gave myself a little more space. However, I've had other female friends in the past where feelings quickly developed, but after a while, when I learned they weren't interested, it occurred to me that I didn't really want to stay friends. So while it felt like I was IN LOVE with them, I was only able to realize afterwards that I was just kind of clouded by infatuation. So I think if you completely sever ties with a person all at once, you would regret it. But it is good to step back from the situation and take some time to sort yourself out. You just don't HAVE to do it formally. That is, you don't have to make it a whole discussion with her unless she notices things have changed and wants to know why. Honesty is good, but take some alone time to figure things out before committing to a big decision like that.[/QUOTE] I get what you say. In the end i think we do these dramatic speaks trying to find some sort of feeling that this is more important that maybe it really is, and i ask myself: does she really need to go through my meltdown? Does she need to listen to all this? I think im only considering it since we made some plans together, and i feel that to explain myself, since id rather stay away for a while, in a manner that wont create lies is to come clean with what im really thinking. Maybe ending our relationship wad the desesperation talking, but i wanna somehow break this knot i made myself around her to be free from this, and thate requires some more distance that i dont have now, and time.

Oh also random update on my big posts on this and last page. Also found out she had sex with our mutual friend who we used to play Dungeons and Dragons with only a month after we broke up. It's good that everythings out in the open now since I know how much of a horrible person she can be and how desperate she actually is.

Oh and when we were talking, she was telling me how much guilt she feels, whether she made the right choice, etc... However, she slept with him on the Saturday, said she read my text later in the night saying "Goodnight x" and begun crying with grief. Yet the next day she was basically talking to this guy on how to break up with me and then started courting him literally right after... What kind of person can cheat on their partner of two years then instantly start dating someone you know from work. :glare: Woops double post.

That's real shitty man, you definitely deserve someone better than that. At least you know now, and now you have every right to move on and avoid them like the plague. You certainly deserves someone better than that.

[QUOTE=Branflakes;52391827]I ponied up and asked her if she wanted to grab coffee this weekend. Guess we're grabbing coffee Saturday evening! Is it bad I hesitated asking her for her number but asked for her FB instead?[/QUOTE] It went pretty well. Talked for about 2 hours of our interests, got quite a bit in common. Didn't talk about a second date but Thursdays the last day of class and I'll just give it a shot of asking her for her number and if we would be interested in doing dinner or something.

[QUOTE=siviz4;52149752]Went to get a hair cut earlier today. Hadn't been to the place before. Got this really cute hairdresser who was pretty much completely quiet while cutting my hair (most hairdressers seem to talk endlessly, in my experience). Didn't think much of it, but about halfway through she blurted out "So... what are you doing this weekend?". We started talking and now I've got a date coming up. First time [i]I'm[/i] the one getting picked up when there's no alcohol involved.[/QUOTE] I'd just like to say that we're still dating. Man do I feel good about life right now. I'm decent looking, but this girl is banging (yes, I'm vain), I don't recall last time I was this content with life. I'll probably fuck it up soon, but whatever.

[QUOTE=PieClock;52395212]Thanks for this post. I'm in your exact position as of 2 days ago. She broke up after 3.5 years (to the day, actually). It's fucking rough and we left on decent terms. Would you say it would be to contact her sooner rather than later to initiate conversation again? I'm really just trying not to let this trip me up, and treat the door she closed as another one opening.[/QUOTE] I don't really want to tell you what to do, but I guess I would give it some time and see how it feels (cue the vague advice answer) I don't think I could've done smalltalk a week after, so while I had a really rough month, I don't think I was necessary ready to chat before that. I'm also keeping it pretty low-key - last time I wrote her was like a week ago. You don't want to rely on her for support and care, obviously; what I "get out of it" is basically that I know she hasn't completely forgotten that I exist, as well as a small "win" when she initiates a conversation about something fairly inane. Sounds kinda cynical, but it's really just analysis of something that wasn't premeditated. Personally I kinda decided I needed to do something else in the time I would've spent with her, so I started going to the gym with a friend - I'd say it was pretty good for me, as you get some regular, quality social contact to keep you from becoming a social recluse, and getting in shape has never been bad for you. Hope it works out for you - remember to reach out to your friends about it.

So here goes nothing: Never really had a girlfriend, though I still try to stay optimistic about it as I'm only 20 and there's still some time left. The thing is, talking with the other gender isn't really the main problem, once I'm in a conversation and have something to talk about it's okay (atleast that's how I perceive it) My big problem conists of two things: getting into contact with someone (starting the conversation with her) and sustaining that over the following weeks. And considering I'm working in IT I don't really have female co-workers, so my only options are outside and texting with them after I met them. But where to go to even meet them? And even if I find one or two places, what should be done regarding starting a conversation? I'm neither into sports, cars, my sense for fashion is rather basic, I spend most of my time with repairing computers and learning programming and my hobbies consist of stuff I do on my own, like creating pictures with Photoshop, writing stories, gaming and drawing sometimes. And even the few times I managed to get their number I couldn't even keep a friendship up at the very least. At some point the material to talk about ran out or she stopped responding (after which I quickly stopped writing and considered it another failed case) I mean, I don't want to be too pushy, but at some point you have to arrange to meet somewhere, right? But I'm never really sure when that moment is or how to even bring that subject up. I can live with isolation, been doing it for most of my life, but it get's really grating over the years and I don't want to loose my mind. Regarding the other fields of relationships with people I'm luckily on stable ground. I have only a few "real" friends (the kind that you interact with outside of work or school), but I'm happy with those that I have and I'm on good grounds with the others in my workplaces, being able to call most them "friend" or colleague. It's really just the female demographic that I'm struggling with. So, got any tips or some ideas? Or am I really just a lost cause :P ?

[QUOTE=SideZeo;52405870]So here goes nothing: Never really had a girlfriend, though I still try to stay optimistic about it as I'm only 20 and there's still some time left. The thing is, talking with the other gender isn't really the main problem, once I'm in a conversation and have something to talk about it's okay (atleast that's how I perceive it) My big problem conists of two things: getting into contact with someone (starting the conversation with her) and sustaining that over the following weeks. And considering I'm working in IT I don't really have female co-workers, so my only options are outside and texting with them after I met them. But where to go to even meet them? And even if I find one or two places, what should be done regarding starting a conversation? I'm neither into sports, cars, my sense for fashion is rather basic, I spend most of my time with repairing computers and learning programming and my hobbies consist of stuff I do on my own, like creating pictures with Photoshop, writing stories, gaming and drawing sometimes. And even the few times I managed to get their number I couldn't even keep a friendship up at the very least. At some point the material to talk about ran out or she stopped responding (after which I quickly stopped writing and considered it another failed case) I mean, I don't want to be too pushy, but at some point you have to arrange to meet somewhere, right? But I'm never really sure when that moment is or how to even bring that subject up. I can live with isolation, been doing it for most of my life, but it get's really grating over the years and I don't want to loose my mind. Regarding the other fields of relationships with people I'm luckily on stable ground. I have only a few "real" friends (the kind that you interact with outside of work or school), but I'm happy with those that I have and I'm on good grounds with the others in my workplaces, being able to call most them "friend" or colleague. It's really just the female demographic that I'm struggling with. So, got any tips or some ideas? Or am I really just a lost cause :P ?[/QUOTE] Don't worry too much about your age, some people are just late bloomers. Go with friends to bars, go to your library or a café. You don't have to know a lot about something to talk about it unless you give very strong opinions on the topic. If you go to a library for example, just ask her what she's looking for and if she can give you any tips since you usually don't go to libraries then take it from there. It doesn't even matter what you say that much, you convey that you are interested and then you either get her number or go on a spontaneous date right away. Also get tinder. I have friends who have gotten into long term relationships over tinder and I have met a few people for fun myself.

[QUOTE=Blazyd;52394439]I've been texting/snapchatting this tinder girl and in one of her snaps she had a bottle of mikes hard lemonade and I jokingly asked her to share it with me because it has my name on it and she said "that's why I have my lips around it :)" now we have plans to get ice cream and go hiking on monday![/QUOTE] update: Our "date" went really good and we get along. It was my first time meeting someone off tinder and it went a lot better than I expected. The initial nervousness wears off pretty quick once you get used to the person. We're gonna hang out again Thursday. she also just kinda already bluntly told me she wants to bang so we'll see what happens

Still waiting for job application update, I had 6th and final interview with them last monday, today they sent: "Hi [Name], Just to let you know I have not forgot about you. Apologies I have not been back to you with the update as I said I would. There are business meetings going on right now as its coming up to the end of Qrtr 2 so a few requests that have to be approved by Senior Management are being worked on. I will definitely be back to you no later than Thursday and will chat to you then [Hiring Manager Name]" The suspense is killing me, I mean surely if it was a refusal - they would just tell me?

That doesn't sound like a standard answer to put you on hold. If anything, that should give you some comfort.

[QUOTE=uber.;52406460]That doesn't sound like a standard answer to put you on hold. If anything, that should give you some comfort.[/QUOTE] I hope that means that they are drafting initial offer and contract but due to manager meetings - constantly get delayed with it.

[QUOTE=maeZtro;52405890]Don't worry too much about your age, some people are just late bloomers. Go with friends to bars, go to your library or a café. You don't have to know a lot about something to talk about it unless you give very strong opinions on the topic. If you go to a library for example, just ask her what she's looking for and if she can give you any tips since you usually don't go to libraries then take it from there. It doesn't even matter what you say that much, you convey that you are interested and then you either get her number or go on a spontaneous date right away. Also get tinder. I have friends who have gotten into long term relationships over tinder and I have met a few people for fun myself.[/QUOTE] Heard quite some stuff about Tinder, never considered using it to be honest... Though don't you need a premium account to have all of its functions? (that's atleast how most of this online dating stuff operates as far as I know)

[QUOTE=SideZeo;52406516]Heard quite some stuff about Tinder, never considered using it to be honest... Though don't you need a premium account to have all of its functions? (that's atleast how most of this online dating stuff operates as far as I know)[/QUOTE] Haven't used it for almost two years but at that time free accounts only had a limited amounts of "likes" per day and that's about it (there was also some "Super Like" gimmick but I didn't understand its purpose)

[QUOTE=arleitiss;52406506]I hope that means that they are drafting initial offer and contract but due to manager meetings - constantly get delayed with it.[/QUOTE] Man what kinda crazy company has you do six interviews? Is it something like super prestigious or something? I have a second interview today over Skype but if I had to go through six interviews I'm not sure I'd be able to do that lol.

[QUOTE=Pascall;52406585]Man what kinda crazy company has you do six interviews? Is it something like super prestigious or something? I have a second interview today over Skype but if I had to go through six interviews I'm not sure I'd be able to do that lol.[/QUOTE] It's basically an outsourcing company which works tightly with government projects such as tax office, welfare office etc... so might be reason why they are going through so many steps.

Oh yeah that makes sense then.

[QUOTE=Pascall;52406716]Oh yeah that makes sense then.[/QUOTE] I love interviews as I find them fun, get to chat to new pepple etc... But the wait for feedback is shit part.

Yeah, I feel you. I had my second one just now over video chat and my dumb camera stopped working halfway through lol. They could still hear me though and were fine with that. Sending you some get-that-job vibes! Good luck!

[QUOTE=Pascall;52406755]Yeah, I feel you. I had my second one just now over video chat and my dumb camera stopped working halfway through lol. They could still hear me though and were fine with that. Sending you some get-that-job vibes! Good luck![/QUOTE] What kind of position is it? I hate video interviews tbh :v:

[QUOTE=arleitiss;52406795]What kind of position is it? I hate video interviews tbh :v:[/QUOTE] Freelance moderating for a dating app. Nothing full time or anything but hopefully enough to help me at least afford health insurance lmao. Using FP on my resume paid off in this case.

[QUOTE=SideZeo;52406516]Heard quite some stuff about Tinder, never considered using it to be honest... Though don't you need a premium account to have all of its functions? (that's atleast how most of this online dating stuff operates as far as I know)[/QUOTE] The biggest limitation is that you can only use about 100 likes per day, or maybe it was 100 per 12 hours. Premium accounts add stuff that I don't find that useful, like the ability to extend your search range (the current maximum is 100 miles, which is more than enough if you actually want to meet people in person) or the ability to hide certain info on your profile, like your age.

[QUOTE=_Axel;52406575]Haven't used it for almost two years but at that time free accounts only had a limited amounts of "likes" per day and that's about it (there was also some "Super Like" gimmick but I didn't understand its purpose)[/QUOTE] Super likes are for people you already know in the hope that it makes them feel briefly awkward until they realize that it doesn't matter at all.

[QUOTE=arleitiss;52406680]It's basically an outsourcing company which works tightly with government projects such as tax office, welfare office etc... so might be reason why they are going through so many steps.[/QUOTE] Still kinda weird, I work for a large aerospace firm and all I had was an online application, one round of interviews and a security vetting. Sounds more like an HR dept making busy work! The "keep warm" emails are usually just generic excuses to get more time to make a decision, reasonably sized companies usually have a generic contract and offer that takes all of 30 seconds to fill in [editline]27th June 2017[/editline] In other words it all suggests to me there's you and one other shit hot candidate and they're having a really tough time trying to make the call.

A lot of jobs will have many interviews just to make sure you actually want the position too. It's mostly bullshit but it's a valid tactic. You're not going to want to deal with 6 interviews if you plan on dipping out after a month or two.

[QUOTE=SideZeo;52406516]Heard quite some stuff about Tinder, never considered using it to be honest... Though don't you need a premium account to have all of its functions? (that's atleast how most of this online dating stuff operates as far as I know)[/QUOTE] The only difference is that if you get premium you have unlimited swipes and can change your location to anywhere in the world. you also get 5 super likes instead of 1, but super liking is bad because if they find you attractive they will swipe right and you put the other person on a pedestal right away. Many people find it creepy. If you get it you should know that there are a lot of people who use it for just feeling good about themselves or chatting with strangers. I tried to be pretty brief when I used it because it's annoying when you speak with someone for two weeks and find out they either don't want to or are to shy to meet. Don't ask them to netflix and chill on the first day if they aren't giving you specific hints though, that is not popular and they will in most cases label you as someone who just wants to have sex.

[QUOTE=Pascall;52406807]Freelance moderating for a dating app. Nothing full time or anything but hopefully enough to help me at least afford health insurance lmao. Using FP on my resume paid off in this case.[/QUOTE] Uh an unfortunate update on this: they rejected me. Shit sucks fam!

[QUOTE=maeZtro;52407255]The only difference is that if you get premium you have unlimited swipes and can change your location to anywhere in the world. you also get 5 super likes instead of 1, but super liking is bad because if they find you attractive they will swipe right and you put the other person on a pedestal right away. Many people find it creepy. If you get it you should know that there are a lot of people who use it for just feeling good about themselves or chatting with strangers. I tried to be pretty brief when I used it because it's annoying when you speak with someone for two weeks and find out they either don't want to or are to shy to meet. Don't ask them to netflix and chill on the first day if they aren't giving you specific hints though, that is not popular and they will in most cases label you as someone who just wants to have sex.[/QUOTE] Perhaps I should give it a chance. I'll guess I'll look into it tomorrow Though then again, a part of me is quite uncertain. I mean, in Tinder one of the first impressions are still your looks right? Because I'm perhaps not the strongest contender regarding physical attractiveness