Super Friendly Social and Love Advice v8 - Stop spamming her with texts. - General

You should have a real good long talk with T and tell him exactly how you feel and see how he feels. Just imagine how much it'd suck to be crushing on some girl then your friend meets her and they instantly hit it off, and then when you tell your friend how you have a thing for her, he still goes and hangs out with her like 3 more times. Just think about how much you value T's feelings before you do anything man

Had my first date in nearly 4 years now, after the 3 1/2 year long relationship I was in. Feels really fucking good to just move on and not let the past hold me back. Really enjoyed meeting a new face. It went pretty well so I'm excited to see how it all goes. I do hate the moments after a date where you're wondering "fuck, did that go well?" while waiting for a text back. In case things don't work in following dates with this woman, does anyone recommend a good way to say goodbye without being overpowering during a first date? Like, should you go in for a hug, or is that too much? I'm going to guess this is one of those very situational things.

Really depends on the situation and how physical contact you've had during the date. There's been dates I've kissed the girl goodbye because we'd been making out, and dates where I've hugged the girl. And also a shoulderpat once :v:

[QUOTE=Kirbyfactor;52421992]Really depends on the situation and how physical contact you've had during the date. There's been dates I've kissed the girl goodbye because we'd been making out, and dates where I've hugged the girl. And also a shoulderpat once :v:[/QUOTE] Yeah I guessed that's the case. My first first date got sexual before it ended so it was the first time I'd been in a normal(?) end of first date situation. :v: Cheers m8

[QUOTE=uber.;52419174]Love is selfish. You know, to me all this "love is selfless" hits the same spot that "turn the other cheek" bullshit does. In the end, you're setting the bar so high that you have no option but to play limbo with it. Accept that if you're in love with someone that you also want to "have" them. If you're in love with someone then you're more than justified to do, not everything, but a reasonable amount of things to get that person to be with you. Not to force them, but to give it your best in general. Not trying to say that selfless love doesn't exist. But like I said, if you're in love with someone then you do have all the right to be selfish.[/QUOTE] its hard to not feel kind of...bad for it thought, although im totally conscious about how right my posture is. And she, well...kept messaging and calling me to tell me im a piece of shit, so i had to block her. I must say i feel the very devil right now. Fuck.

[QUOTE=autodesknoob;52422171]its hard to not feel kind of...bad for it thought, although im totally conscious about how right my posture is. And she, well...kept messaging and calling me to tell me im a piece of shit, so i had to block her. I must say i feel the very devil right now. Fuck.[/QUOTE] Considering how toxic she's being towards you cutting contact seems to be a good decision. Maybe her emotional response is only temporary, or maybe this is what she'll be like towards you for a long time to come. Either way she's doing you a favour by letting you know that you can do better without her being in your life. She's clearly having a negative effect on you and also going out of her way to harass you. I understand that it can be difficult and painful to take in and move on from her despite how much you liked her and how close friends you were.

[QUOTE=autodesknoob;52422171]its hard to not feel kind of...bad for it thought, although im totally conscious about how right my posture is. And she, well...kept messaging and calling me to tell me im a piece of shit, so i had to block her. I must say i feel the very devil right now. Fuck.[/QUOTE] You did the right thing man, it'll be easier to forget about her now.

There is no worse feeling than getting a crush on someone who you only saw for ten seconds at a drive thru in another town who you are most likely never going to see ever again anyway. Why does this happen? I can't get her face out of my head and I feel like a piece of shit and a weirdo.

[QUOTE=RenegadeCop;52423173]How can you crush on someone you don't know whatsoever?[/QUOTE] Crush probably isn't the right word, it feels different from the usual attraction, maybe I'm just fucking weird idk

Nah I think that's totally a normal instinctual response plenty of people get from interacting with an especially cute person. It's just weird in our society cuz reasons.

[QUOTE=Hilton;52423552]Nah I think that's totally a normal instinctual response plenty of people get from interacting with an especially cute person. It's just weird in our society cuz reasons.[/QUOTE] society is weird

Need some help Started speaking to a girl I knew from College again and the conversation has been pretty good. We've both just been through literally the same situations with our ex's and are wanting to move on. I've 'known' her for 5 years now around, though only spoke to her through 2 years of college in a group of friends and on/off on facebook. I've been chatting to her for the past 2/3 hours and I think she may be interested but, text isn't really helpful. When would be a good time to ask if she's interesting on meeting up, getting coffee or something similar? Would it be too rushed to ask today or should I keep talking to her for a couple of days?

I keep losing friend after friend because of my apparent "nagging and complaining". Well what the fuck I am supposed to say to my "friends" if they ask how am I doing? All is magic and fucking rainbows?

Tbh, friendship is a bit of a double edged sword, in that regard. While you should be able to rely on your friends when you need to vent, OVER-reliance on a few specific friends can be damaging. You have to keep a balance, and that goes for everyone within a friendship. Like sometimes I'll be in a bit of a down mood, but if I keep consistently bringing that up over and over and over to the same people when they can't do a whole lot to help me, then yeah, it wears on people over time. "Nagging and complaining" is a rude way to say it, and whoever told you that might be a bit of a jerk, but in general, you have to remember that people are people, and people are not limitless pools of reassurance. Everyone has their limit and their stress level allowance from day to day and if you push those levels, people will feel like they have to separate from you to maintain what they can and cannot deal with. Friendship is a two way street, ultimately, and not everyone is going to have enough patience to deal with someone else's stress every day.

She is a jerk, I've always knew that but it doesn't matter now, cut her out of my life. Now I only have one real life friend left. I really have to meet new people, but since I pretty much switched my uni to part-time (and I'm 23 ya know), it's gonna be hard

[QUOTE=damnatus;52425437]I keep losing friend after friend because of my apparent "nagging and complaining". Well what the fuck I am supposed to say to my "friends" if they ask how am I doing? All is magic and fucking rainbows?[/QUOTE] 3/4 of the time I'll just say I'm good or fine even if I'm not to appear less down all the time. [editline]3rd July 2017[/editline] Also complaining about same thing gets old quite fast

[QUOTE=RenegadeCop;52425682]I personally know someone that exclusively complains and moans all the time. You cannot have a talk about how the weather is nice or what you like on TV, because they don't let you. All of her friends ended up so jaded about her complaining, she stopped getting invited to social events, and overall she became a running "don't ever end up like her" in the group. Sadly, she probably doesn't even know how bad she is. But she is just so draining and such a downer to be around. She effectively isn't a part of the social group because of it.[/QUOTE] Why wouldn't someone just let her know what she's doing wrong :( [editline]3rd July 2017[/editline] I actually knew someone with some issues as well and tried to talk about with them, but they didn't listen and thought it was just fine. Didn't want to change themselves at all even though it affected them negatively.

[QUOTE=Sini;52425618] Also complaining about same thing gets old quite fast[/QUOTE] I am fully aware of my problems (I got a compliment from her once regarding this, surprisingly). The thing is that I don't know of a way to solve them. She tried to help me with it I guess, but since it was all generic and meaningless advice, it left a feeling that she just wanted to prove to herself that she's hella helpful and understanding, which quickly proved itself wrong. I ended this relationship after she said she started talking to me only when she needed help, then when it became better for her she stopped caring

[QUOTE=damnatus;52425869]I am fully aware of my problems (I got a compliment from her once regarding this, surprisingly). The thing is that I don't know of a way to solve them. She tried to help me with it I guess, but since it was all generic and meaningless advice, it left a feeling that she just wanted to prove to herself that she's hella helpful and understanding, which quickly proved itself wrong. I ended this relationship after she said she started talking to me only when she needed help, then when it became better for her she stopped caring[/QUOTE] I would try visiting a therapist or something similar

A private blog is also a good way to vent out frustrations without having to put pressure on someone to come up with a solution.

[QUOTE=Pascall;52425907]A private blog is also a good way to vent out frustrations without having to put pressure on someone to come up with a solution.[/QUOTE] for me - private blogs always felt kind of one-way. I mean unless you have followers who legit follow you and respond - it seems useless?

[QUOTE=arleitiss;52426105]for me - private blogs always felt kind of one-way. I mean unless you have followers who legit follow you and respond - it seems useless?[/QUOTE] I think it comes down to what you want. It's a place where you can write all your feelings, which can help, and express them to the world without placing anyone under obligation to deal with your problems which can stress a relationship. If you're after feedback then sure, it's not the best place, but if you're just venting your problems to the world then it wouldn't be a bad idea.

[QUOTE=RenegadeCop;52425855]People try. She insists other people are the problem, not her.[/QUOTE] Got one of those; he still thinks of me as his best friend, but I'm not sure if it is reciprocal anymore. Too many cases of seeing him shut close friends off at the minimal conflict.

aight so the other week i posted about some girl on tinder who ended up adding me on fb and asked to meet at some point, I was never really intending to actually meet people on it but I'm shit at saying no to things and thought I might as well meet at least once just to be polite... ...anyway, yesterday and today she's asked me to go with her to two different parties with her friends. never met her in person once, and imo we've barely even been talking that much (and as I said, I was only really doing it just for the chat, never been bothered about meeting in person) idk but this feels super weird to me, I'd never invite what is basically a complete stranger to meet my friends, idk why she'd want to. I'm running out of ways to politely decline, somebody help me pleasE

It does seem kinda weird... Maybe she wants you as a hookup for the night after the party? Inviting a date to a party with friends wouldn't cross my mind either.

[QUOTE=_Axel;52429110]It does seem kinda weird... Maybe she wants you as a hookup for the night after the party? Inviting a date to a party with friends wouldn't cross my mind either.[/QUOTE] this is what crossed my mind tbh, but it was weird cuz yesterday it was just her and two other friends she said, and she just asked if I wanted to come over, and gave me their names and everything like wut. I've told her I can't do the other night, and she's asked if I want to meet in the afternoon tomorrow, might as well for this, will see what happens.

well shit, met her this afternoon, ended up going a fairly long walk and chatted the whole time, had a really really nice time, didn't expect to enjoy it as much as I did.

matched with a girl on tinder who lives an island away from me about a year ago or something now, been chatting since and I went down to where she lived with my band (along with a few other bands from where I live), and played a couple of gigs last weekend. on the night of the first gig I played she came along to see a couple of the other bands and we finally got to meet. it was pretty cool to be honest, it wasn't awkward at all (even though she was there with her mum and sister lel), we chatted for the entire rest of the night and pretty much ignored the other bands that played apart from the very last one because they were the one she came to see. ended up going back to her place afterwards which was a double win because it got me out of the hostel I was staying in and into a nice bed, and I also got to spend the night with a lady who's rad as fuck. also a number of people commented on the fact that we looked like we were a couple :v:

[QUOTE=damnatus;52425482]She is a jerk, I've always knew that but it doesn't matter now, cut her out of my life.[/QUOTE] Man it's been two days and I'm still mad about how someone can have such shitty opinions on life Half a year ago she met some ~i'm so different~ douche, fell in love, moved in with him in another city far from here, went on blabbering 24/7 to me how much of a man he is, while he basically he used her for two months then told her the usual "it's not you its me" crap. [sp]they didn't even have sex[/sp] Then he offered her to partake in his job, which turns out to be some hardcore illegal tax evasion stuff, which she gladly accepted (and made fuck all money while losing all her bank credit scores). Well the thing that made me mad is that during her time with him, she soaked his weird views on life I guess, did pretty much a complete 180 on her own, and started saying shit like "crying is for losers, nobody needs that" "its easy to stop being depressed just snap out of it" "you're bad at raising your kids if you don't throw them out of your house when they turn 18" "back then the weak were thrown to wolves" "so what if you worked your ass off saving money for your debt, its nothing out of ordinary for a man" "if someone is mean to X that's entirely X's problem". It's sometime around that she became absolutely unbearable to talk with. Plus out of the blue she started actually despising me instead of supporting, saying stuff like "go find a job, so what if you don't have the military ID* required for non-shit jobs, if the economy can't be more fucked in our country and you have back problems that effectively prevent you from applying to 75% of shit jobs or that you'll spend like half of your paycheck on transport, you're a grown man" Like I 100% totally get that I shouldn't care but, just, damn *you get it either after you served or if you have medical reasons allowing you not to serve, but then the process of getting it can take years

[QUOTE=damnatus;52432984]Man it's been two days and I'm still mad about how someone can have such shitty opinions on life Half a year ago she met some ~i'm so different~ douche, fell in love, moved in with him in another city far from here, went on blabbering 24/7 to me how much of a man he is, while he basically he used her for two months then told her the usual "it's not you its me" crap. [sp]they didn't even have sex[/sp] Then he offered her to partake in his job, which turns out to be some hardcore illegal tax evasion stuff, which she gladly accepted (and made fuck all money while losing all her bank credit scores). Well the thing that made me mad is that during her time with him, she soaked his weird views on life I guess, did pretty much a complete 180 on her own, and started saying shit like "crying is for losers, nobody needs that" "its easy to stop being depressed just snap out of it" "you're bad at raising your kids if you don't throw them out of your house when they turn 18" "back then the weak were thrown to wolves" "so what if you worked your ass off saving money for your debt, its nothing out of ordinary for a man" "if someone is mean to X that's entirely X's problem". It's sometime around that she became absolutely unbearable to talk with. Plus out of the blue she started actually despising me instead of supporting, saying stuff like "go find a job, so what if you don't have the military ID* required for non-shit jobs, if the economy can't be more fucked in our country and you have back problems that effectively prevent you from applying to 75% of shit jobs or that you'll spend like half of your paycheck on transport, you're a grown man" Like I 100% totally get that I shouldn't care but, just, damn *you get it either after you served or if you have medical reasons allowing you not to serve, but then the process of getting it can take years[/QUOTE] If you've already cut her out, then I guess forgetting about it is the best option, otherwise it'll put an unnecessary strain on you like it already (really visibly) does. Find some distraction, and forget :P