Super Friendly Social and Love Advice v8 - Stop spamming her with texts. - General

It's visible probably because deep down I envy that dude, while he's a weird douchey asshole he's also wanted by girls and self sufficient

So I did one of the things that is probably on pretty high on the list of "what not to do" after your GF breaks up with you - I met up with her today. We talked for three hours, it wasn't awkward, and though I don't know whether we can really work as friends (and if we do I doubt we're gonna meet that frequently) but I don't feel like shit or anything like that. It does hurt a bit, still, but it was mostly a pleasant experience. People are apparently still people even though you no longer mash your genitals together, I guess. Not to recommend this as the best cause of action, but I'm glad it seemed to work out. Don't know if some little piece of me still thinks we're gonna get back together, but it wasn't really anything I thought too much of.

I've talked to two cute girls since I left to do research last Sunday which has helped me get my mind off of the girl from college. I didn't think there was a point in asking for their numbers since I probably won't ever see them again anyway, so I didn't.

[QUOTE=GoDong-DK;52435311]So I did one of the things that is probably on pretty high on the list of "what not to do" after your GF breaks up with you - I met up with her today. We talked for three hours, it wasn't awkward, and though I don't know whether we can really work as friends (and if we do I doubt we're gonna meet that frequently) but I don't feel like shit or anything like that. It does hurt a bit, still, but it was mostly a pleasant experience. People are apparently still people even though you no longer mash your genitals together, I guess. Not to recommend this as the best cause of action, but I'm glad it seemed to work out. Don't know if some little piece of me still thinks we're gonna get back together, but it wasn't really anything I thought too much of.[/QUOTE] I disagree with that being considered something you should never do. As long as you guys don't bang or anything, it's actually really cathartic and mature to just sit down and figure everything out before ending the relationship for good. You guys don't have to be friends but it's usually better to end things on good terms.

It's not weird to ask a stranger to hang out right? If so, oh well I guess I'm a weirdo.

That's generally how you make friends so I'd say you're on track

[QUOTE=Bathtub;52436607]I disagree with that being considered something you should never do. As long as you guys don't bang or anything, it's actually really cathartic and mature to just sit down and figure everything out before ending the relationship for good. You guys don't have to be friends but it's usually better to end things on good terms.[/QUOTE] We didn't talk about our relations at all, though, but I get what you mean. We broke up on good terms, and I guess we both don't want to break contact completely.

Went clubbing last night and asked a girl for her number, sadly she declined but I'm proud for trying

if you don't ask, you don't get. at least you went for it which is the important thing.

I said fuck it and started to sign up on PoF because I thought I should just get it over with and try and get out there and talk to girls. I'm 21 and i've never dated so I thought now or never.. but the thing is..i'm not sure if i'm ready to date. I have my usual insecurities and anxiety coming in clouding me but I have an actual legit concern.. I don't have a lot of things I like to go do. I'm pretty open to stuff but I don't want to make her make all the decisions on what to do simply because I don't have a lot to do. I usually work, game, exercise or clean around the house.. Should I find more stuff to do before dating or should I just go into it anyway? I'm not trying to rush it necessarily but it's better to stick my toes in the water then not stepping in at all. I'm trying to get better instead of gathering pity but I'm legit lost.

Don't have to be ready to date to talk to people. Just start up some conversations and see how you feel from there.

Checked my facebook memories: From 2011: "What can be better than drinking juice, eating chocolate again, listening to Eminem - Love the way you lie. After a evening with girl and finding out pretty good truth about her feeling to you. Life is good. (wait 2 more months when summer ends, I bet I will be posting in status: FML ) but well, will enjoy my life as much as I can until that" This was just before my emotional breakdown in 2013 when I was all correct, non smoking, never tried alcohol or drugs and always being polite to everyone (unlike now) I was right about that naive status though - 2 months later shit storm began with her and because we were in same university - we had fights/conflicts every day where I was friendzoned by her but was trying to get out of it so had conflicts. In reality though - solution was always simple: Just cut the contact and move on (Too bad I only realized that in 2015). I still cant believe I was posting shit like that on fb. I was 17 back then, kind of expect shit like that from 13-14yo's not 17. I am-was a derp :v: [editline]7th July 2017[/editline] [QUOTE=Kirbyfactor;52438398]Went clubbing last night and asked a girl for her number, sadly she declined but I'm proud for trying[/QUOTE] better than asking for number and being given invalid number. Can confirm.

Okay so me and my girlfriends 1 month anniversary was yesterday, it's not a big deal to either of us but we wanted to spend it together without giving any gifts or anything. However, the past couple days, she had been in a pretty bad state (she has depression and anxiety issues). She told me beforehand that, when she is like that, she is not pleasant to be around and doesn't like being touched. I don't know what I expected to happen, but we basically watched TV the whole night while she spent the entire time at the opposite end of the couch on her phone. Of course, this is exactly what she told me would happen, but I still felt myself getting frustrated/annoyed. When I left, we didn't hug or kiss or anything, and she just said "I'm sorry" as I got in my car. I don't even really know what the point of this point is, I just wanted to hear what other people think. Why did I get so bothered when she already warned me that I wouldn't exactly be having a good time? I talked with her on the phone after I got home and we basically decided that we would re-do our anniversary when she was feeling better. Am I a selfish dick for acting that way? I just don't know how I can help, because it feels like I only made things worse by being there.

[QUOTE=arleitiss;52442756]better than asking for number and being given invalid number. Can confirm.[/QUOTE] An older guy who was trying to be like a younger guy once asked for my number in case i wanted to play music with him (i really didn't). I gave him a number that was one digit off but he must have been wary of people trying to dodge him because he called it on the spot. I pretended to receive a call, but it didn't go through on his end and I had to feign as if someone else had coincidentally just called me at that very moment. And then of course i felt obligated to give him the correct number and show that it went through. It was a nobody-wins scenario and i wish i had known how to just tell him no 'cause i really didn't feel comfortable.

[QUOTE=DChapsfield;52442975]An older guy who was trying to be like a younger guy once asked for my number in case i wanted to play music with him (i really didn't). I gave him a number that was one digit off but he must have been wary of people trying to dodge him because he called it on the spot. I pretended to receive a call, but it didn't go through on his end and I had to feign as if someone else had coincidentally just called me at that very moment. And then of course i felt obligated to give him the correct number and show that it went through. :frown:[/QUOTE] Why not just say no if you don't intend to continue communication any further?

[QUOTE=arleitiss;52443052]Why not just say no if you don't intend to continue communication any further?[/QUOTE] Yeah, this was at a time when i was much younger and didn't know how to effectively say no to people. As it was, he was forty-something, i was a teenager, and since we went to the same church and everyone knew each other, it seemed safer to pretend to agree and then avoid him than to be upfront and risk a weird commotion.

Well, the GF of one month broke off with me two days ago. Said the didn't think she wanted to date any further because she didn't feel like the relationship was going anywhere. In any case we parted amicably and I'm a bit more experienced than before at least.

[QUOTE=Bathtub;52442876]Okay so me and my girlfriends 1 month anniversary was yesterday, it's not a big deal to either of us but we wanted to spend it together without giving any gifts or anything. However, the past couple days, she had been in a pretty bad state (she has depression and anxiety issues). She told me beforehand that, when she is like that, she is not pleasant to be around and doesn't like being touched. I don't know what I expected to happen, but we basically watched TV the whole night while she spent the entire time at the opposite end of the couch on her phone. Of course, this is exactly what she told me would happen, but I still felt myself getting frustrated/annoyed. When I left, we didn't hug or kiss or anything, and she just said "I'm sorry" as I got in my car. I don't even really know what the point of this point is, I just wanted to hear what other people think. Why did I get so bothered when she already warned me that I wouldn't exactly be having a good time? I talked with her on the phone after I got home and we basically decided that we would re-do our anniversary when she was feeling better. Am I a selfish dick for acting that way? I just don't know how I can help, because it feels like I only made things worse by being there.[/QUOTE] But she didn't ask you if you could move your date to another day beforehand, right? Because that's what my ex always used to do if she was feeling bad.

[QUOTE=uber.;52444715]But she didn't ask you if you could move your date to another day beforehand, right? Because that's what my ex always used to do if she was feeling bad.[/QUOTE] It wasn't a date, luckily, just me hanging out at her place. We went to the movies tonight after hanging at my place for awhile and it went amazingly, we both had a lot of fun and it felt like we were clicking as usual. I had to do a little bit of convincing to see her last night in the first place, she has experience with people not reacting positively to her when she's in a rut I guess. I just gotta learn that sometimes being there for her in person isn't always the best solution.

Just had a girl match with me on tinder, send the first message AND propose that we exchange phone numbers. Hell has officially frozen over. Sadly she's only in Denmark for three more weeks, but she seems clever and fun. Edit: Aaaaand, it's a date. Really haven't had that kind of success with tinder before, but I guess the thing's to persevere and swipe till your thumb's sore. Let's see how it works out.

back in high school I had a serious case of oneitis, ended up getting into a relationship with the girl after a few years, but that's long over now. Anyways. there was this one girl that I knew had a thing for me when I was on the chase, then one day she sorta just disappeared; I didn't pay her much attention at the time because of the other girl and whatever over the years I always wondered what happened to this girl but sorta just put it at the back of my mind, turns out she's literally been right there just in the background, friends with my friends, things like that. so I ran into her the other night, thinking she was someone else entirely, I basically walked up to a complete stranger because they looked like someone else I was hanging out with that night... she told me who she was and straight out told me she was attracted to me in high school and even remembered my last name and how to pronounce it after all these years; I usually don't tell people my real last name anymore and just go with the anglicised version of it, so that kinda shocked me a bit, but what are the odds now I was a bit drunk at the time but I basically asked her if she had anything going on relationship wise and she pretty openly told me she was single, so I added her on facebook and told her we'd talk some time and whatever, she seemed cool about that so now the tables have turned; I'm finding myself stupidly attracted to this girl, after all these years she's somehow managed to get herself stuck in my head it's driving me nuts, should I just throw myself in the deep end with this one..

my girlfriend who i have posted about here came out to me tonight about being asexual she basically said that she has never felt sexual attraction towards anything but romantic attraction to me of course i feel completely hollow right now. i want a sexual relationship. what am i supposed to do? i don't want to break up but how can we have a successful partnership when we want different things?

[QUOTE=Bathtub;52448615]my girlfriend who i have posted about here came out to me tonight about being asexual she basically said that she has never felt sexual attraction towards anything but romantic attraction to me of course i feel completely hollow right now. i want a sexual relationship. what am i supposed to do? i don't want to break up but how can we have a successful partnership when we want different things?[/QUOTE] we talked for like 3 hours and we decided to take a couple days apart to compose ourselves it seems like our two options are to break up now and try to remain in each other lives, but other than the obvious pain of breaking up i don't know if i could manage to just be friends. the attraction wouldn't just go away. the other alternative is us trying to stick it out without any serious sexual component. we make out pretty hardcore but that's as far as we've gone, so we'd pretty much have to leave it at that with "petting". i don't know if i want that, i just know that i want to be with her. of course, this means that a completely realistic outcome is me resenting her for not wanting what i want and causing us to drift apart and break up after awhile because we want different things, decreasing our probablity of remaining friends i'm so confused and uncertain, what the fuck do i do

[QUOTE=Bathtub;52449102]we talked for like 3 hours and we decided to take a couple days apart to compose ourselves it seems like our two options are to break up now and try to remain in each other lives, but other than the obvious pain of breaking up i don't know if i could manage to just be friends. the attraction wouldn't just go away. the other alternative is us trying to stick it out without any serious sexual component. we make out pretty hardcore but that's as far as we've gone, so we'd pretty much have to leave it at that with "petting". i don't know if i want that, i just know that i want to be with her. of course, this means that a completely realistic outcome is me resenting her for not wanting what i want and causing us to drift apart and break up after awhile because we want different things, decreasing our probablity of remaining friends i'm so confused and uncertain, what the fuck do i do[/QUOTE] i couldn't be with anyone who was asexual i wouldn't think they're a bad person, but i am sexual, and it would just never work. a lot of people would call you out for it, saying "you're despicable for not wanting such a pure relationship for such a dirty mindset" but they just don't understand how important sex and intimacy is to relationships don't break up just because i pushed you or anything, this is just my input, but if you feel as if you couldn't connect with her due to this, maybe it is time to break up with them or if she's playing a game by telling you that she's asexual to try to "test" your love for her, i'd still break up, it's highly manipulative in that case, and has in fact happened to me before

[QUOTE=Fire Kracker;52449390]i couldn't be with anyone who was asexual i wouldn't think they're a bad person, but i am sexual, and it would just never work. a lot of people would call you out for it, saying "you're despicable for not wanting such a pure relationship for such a dirty mindset" but they just don't understand how important sex and intimacy is to relationships don't break up just because i pushed you or anything, this is just my input, but if you feel as if you couldn't connect with her due to this, maybe it is time to break up with them or if she's playing a game by telling you that she's asexual to try to "test" your love for her, i'd still break up, it's highly manipulative in that case, and has in fact happened to me before[/QUOTE] She's definitely not playing any games, she was really scared of telling me because she knew what it probably meant. I'm glad she told me now, before we got too serious, but now I feel like even if we continue, it won't be the same. I'm gonna try writing down a lot of what I'm feeling and what I want somewhere, and spend a couple days apart so we can both think. Never thought I'd have to deal with this. I slept for awhile but now I just feel empty inside.

[QUOTE=Bathtub;52450034]She's definitely not playing any games, she was really scared of telling me because she knew what it probably meant. I'm glad she told me now, before we got too serious, but now I feel like even if we continue, it won't be the same. I'm gonna try writing down a lot of what I'm feeling and what I want somewhere, and spend a couple days apart so we can both think. Never thought I'd have to deal with this. I slept for awhile but now I just feel empty inside.[/QUOTE] I can see a younger person who hasn't dated before not knowing they were asexual and you've only been together for a month so the timeline seems normal. But if this is someone who is older I'm going to lean towards it being a game or test. Not someone you want to spend time with as a friend. But that's my personal opinion. If you do opt to remain friends don't offer to pay for everything. Doesn't matter if you're in a better financial position or not - it's not a date. Don't let someone take advantage of you.

[QUOTE=darksoul69;52450206]I can see a younger person who hasn't dated before not knowing they were asexual and you've only been together for a month so the timeline seems normal. But if this is someone who is older I'm going to lean towards it being a game or test. Not someone you want to spend time with as a friend. But that's my personal opinion. If you do opt to remain friends don't offer to pay for everything. Doesn't matter if you're in a better financial position or not - it's not a date. Don't let someone take advantage of you.[/QUOTE] Were both 18, and this is the first time either of us has had anything close to a real relationship. She told me that she always knew, but she really wasn't sure what to call it, and she wasn't willing to accept it. She only told her mother the night before me, other than that I think nobody else knows. She said she came to terms with it only very recently and she couldn't let this go on longer without me knowing, which I appreciate. She's mad at herself for not telling me before the relationship even began, but to be honest, I don't know if I would be willing to start a relationship knowing that information.

[QUOTE=Bathtub;52450236]Were both 18, and this is the first time either of us has had anything close to a real relationship. She told me that she always knew, but she really wasn't sure what to call it, and she wasn't willing to accept it. She only told her mother the night before me, other than that I think nobody else knows. She said she came to terms with it only very recently and she couldn't let this go on longer without me knowing, which I appreciate. She's mad at herself for not telling me before the relationship even began, but to be honest, I don't know if I would be willing to start a relationship knowing that information.[/QUOTE] Okay, so she knew from the start she was asexual yet somehow all of your dates went really well? You had some really hard makeout sessions with petting? Was that reciprocated? The latter doesn't sound asexual to me... Yeah I dunno something seems off with the story to me. Maybe you went too fast in the relationship and were pushy. Were the dates every other week or were you going on dates 2-3 times a week? Basically, look for any reason she may no longer want to date you. I doubt it's because shes asexual.

[QUOTE=darksoul69;52450265]Okay, so she knew from the start she was asexual yet somehow all of your dates went really well? You had some really hard makeout sessions with petting? Was that reciprocated? The latter doesn't sound asexual to me... Yeah I dunno something seems off with the story to me. Maybe you went too fast in the relationship and were pushy. Were the dates every other week or were you going on dates 2-3 times a week? Basically, look for any reason she may no longer want to date you. I doubt it's because shes asexual.[/QUOTE] Our dates went well because we had fun. You don't need sexuality to have a good date. If you read up on asexuality, they don't automatically not enjoy stuff like making out. She initiated a good deal of it too, and she told me that she enjoys that, just not much more. I even asked her if she was okay with the petting stuff, and she said she was fine with it most of the time but it was subject to change, and that she would tell me if she was ever not into it. We've only been on a couple real dates outside of hanging out, going to the store together, etc., but all of it was more emotionally intimate than sexually intimate. We both want to continue dating, but this is kind of like stamping a death date on our relationship, you know? I don't doubt that she is asexual, she has given no indication that she would lie about anything like that. We have been very open and trusting. Talking about her emotions is hard enough as for her as it is, she wouldn't do all this to break up with me, she's not that kind of person.

[QUOTE=RenegadeCop;52450290]What is "petting"?[/QUOTE] Touching/grabbing her butt, boobs, back, legs, face, etc