Sex, Girlfriends and Shit VII: "Power Moves For High Quality Women" - General

[QUOTE=Metaru;49524830]have you ever considered looking for medical help? being aware of your condition as an addict is one step foward, but not the cure. if you're insecure about your self-control, might as well suffer from deprivation at some point with even worse consequences.[/QUOTE] Close friend of Ultra here - he has saught help, for over a year now. And he appreciates all comments, negative or positive..

[QUOTE=Zukriuchen;49524522]Except you don't know that they have. Do you really think cheaters set out to find unhappy relationships on purpose just so they can have someone to cheat on? [/quote] Thats obviously rarely the case, but you still can't justify cheating because someone didn't go into a relationship looking explicitly to cheat without their partners permission. [QUOTE=Zukriuchen;49524522]People cheat because they don't know how to deal with a once good relationship falling apart, and make a mistake. Maybe because they feel lonely due to a distant (literally and figuratively) partner. Maybe they feel betrayed themselves due to something their partner did, don't believe themselves able to confront them yet feel justified in their cheating. Maybe they don't hold sexual contact to the same regard as their partner.[/quote] All these things are are issues some people have in relationships and can be solved without having sex with someone else and compromising your partners trust. Literally every single issue you described can be solved with a "Hey can we talk for a bit tonight?". Millions of relationships over the years have been solved without either partner compromising their trust for one another. If you're so fickle about relationships that you feel your only solution to your partner being emotionally distant is to have sex with someone else, then you don't need to be in a relation ship. Period. [QUOTE=Zukriuchen;49524522] I'm not trying to excuse it. Having a reason for cheating doesn't make it right, nor does it erase the responsibility. But holding such a black and white view of people who do it helps nobody.[/QUOTE] I don't understand how you can view a situation where cheating could be a good thing, or even a neutral thing? The circumstances don't matter; you can't compromise someone's trust who cares about you. I don't think you fully understand what cheating is.

[QUOTE=Cyke Lon bee;49525074]I don't understand how you can view a situation where cheating could be a good thing, or even a neutral thing? The circumstances don't matter; you can't compromise someone's trust who cares about you. I don't think you fully understand what cheating is.[/QUOTE] Clearly the part about it not being a black-and-white situation went over your head. People aren't perfect, all of us have made mistakes in relationships. If you don't understand why someone would cheat and can't even imagine a situation where it would make sense, then don't pretend to understand the thought process behind it.

[QUOTE=Cyke Lon bee;49525074]I don't understand how you can view a situation where cheating could be a good thing, or even a neutral thing? The circumstances don't matter; you can't compromise someone's trust who cares about you. I don't think you fully understand what cheating is.[/QUOTE] Some situations fall in a morally gray area. Good people sometimes do bad things, bad people sometimes do good things. I don't see these things as "good" or "neutral" because I don't need an easy label for everything in life. [quote]Thats obviously rarely the case, but you still can't justify cheating because someone didn't go into a relationship looking explicitly to cheat without their partners permission. All these things are are issues some people have in relationships and can be solved without having sex with someone else and compromising your partners trust. Literally every single issue you described can be solved with a "Hey can we talk for a bit tonight?". Millions of relationships over the years have been solved without either partner compromising their trust for one another. If you're so fickle about relationships that you feel your only solution to your partner being emotionally distant is to have sex with someone else, then you don't need to be in a relation ship. Period. [/quote] I've already addressed this pretty well (in that I'm not justifying it) in my last post and I feel like you're intentionally misrepresenting what I'm saying here

[QUOTE=Cyke Lon bee;49525074]I don't understand how you can view a situation where cheating could be a good thing, or even a neutral thing? [/QUOTE] we get it. you have been on the bad side of it. but trust me, i've been on both sides and it really isnt as easy as "good vs evil".

[QUOTE=RenegadeCop;49525162]Someone is so depressed due to lack of emotional or physical bonding with people that they are on the verge of killing themselves. Their spouse gives them no attention, borderline abuses them, uses them as a babysitter and housekeeper more so than a partner. She cheats, find someone who truly cares about her, and realizes maybe life is worth living after all. Yes I made this up, but it's believable, no? There's a situation where cheating can be a good thing. Good for the abusive spouse? No, now he has to pay for childcare. Good for the woman? Almost certainly! Although that was using my definition of cheating, what is your definition of cheating? Do you think since the spouse was abusive and didn't care that this doesn't count as cheating? We have to be on the same terms we're going to genuinely discuss![/QUOTE] I mean if we're making up stories now, I could make one up about how a woman got beat to death in the parking garage of the hotel she was going to cheat on her husband at. But that would be a straw man and that would be silly, wouldn't it? If you're in a shitty relationship on the verge of a murder-suicide, then you need to get a divorce or a counselor, not have sex with someone else. [QUOTE=Guy Mannly;49525185]Clearly the part about it not being a black-and-white situation went over your head. People aren't perfect, all of us have made mistakes in relationships. If you don't understand why someone would cheat and can't even imagine a situation where it would make sense, then don't pretend to understand the thought process behind it.[/QUOTE] I understand why someone would cheat, I'm just saying that those people are still assholes regardless of their situations. [QUOTE=Metaru;49525228]we get it. you have been on the bad side of it. but trust me, i've been on both sides and it really isnt as easy as "good vs evil".[/QUOTE] Like I said previously, I'm not saying that cheating is ~evil~ or that its a good vs evil scenario. Someone can cheat on someone whos verbally or physically abusive to them, but that person would still be an asshole for compromising their trust. Everyone in that situation would end up being a piece of shit, and neither of them justified for it either. Life is never that black and white, but if you cheat, you're an asshole unless you have explicit permission from your partner. Thats honestly the bottom line; theres no excuse and no justification for it. Doesn't matter what type of situation you're in; if you purposefully destroy your partners trust in you and compromise them emotionally, then you're an asshole. I've said my piece on it so I won't take this any further.

[QUOTE=Cyke Lon bee;49525357]I mean if we're making up stories now, I could make one up about how a woman got beat to death in the parking garage of the hotel she was going to cheat on her husband at. But that would be a straw man and that would be silly, wouldn't it? If you're in a shitty relationship on the verge of a murder-suicide, then you need to get a divorce or a counselor, not have sex with someone else. I understand why someone would cheat, I'm just saying that those people are still assholes regardless of their situations. Like I said previously, I'm not saying that cheating is ~evil~ or that its a good vs evil scenario. Someone can cheat on someone whos verbally or physically abusive to them, but that person would still be an asshole for compromising their trust. Everyone in that situation would end up being a piece of shit, and neither of them justified for it either. Life is never that black and white, but if you cheat, you're an asshole unless you have explicit permission from your partner. Thats honestly the bottom line; theres no excuse and no justification for it. Doesn't matter what type of situation you're in; if you purposefully destroy your partners trust in you and compromise them emotionally, then you're an asshole. I've said my piece on it so I won't take this any further.[/QUOTE] You saying that life is never black and white but cheaters are shit people always and thats the bottom line makes me and everyone else think that you are only saying life isnt black and white because you know its the right thing to say and not because you genuinely understand the truth of it

Oh God. Have you ever been in a real relationship before? I'm sorry, but I have to ask...

[QUOTE=Cyke Lon bee;49525357] if you purposefully destroy your partners trust in you and compromise them emotionally, then you're an asshole. [/QUOTE] well, at least on that one time i cheated on someone, i was in a point were i really didn't care anymore about said person or said relationship. did i felt bad? maybe, but then again, i didn't care anymore. next day i broke up because there was no point - to keep the farse any longer would had been even more hurtful for both sides. i believe that what actually makes you an asshole about cheating is to brag about it, as if it was some sort of life achievement. most people (including myself) deal with it in the privacy of their own lifes and they're perfectly fine that way. its not something to be proud of, but it is something that is better view on each specific scenario - even on your own life. do not idealize, because if you do you'll find your ideals being crushed under the weight of reality sooner or later.

"it depends".

[QUOTE=Cyke Lon bee;49525357]I mean if we're making up stories now, I could make one up about how a woman got beat to death in the parking garage of the hotel she was going to cheat on her husband at. But that would be a straw man and that would be silly, wouldn't it? .[/QUOTE] I hope it's not necessary for me to point out how idiotic and irrelevant this is. You completely missed the point of what Renegade was saying simply because it was hypothetical. Some of us have actually been in situations like that. Cheating is a two-way street. People cheat because they lack intimacy in their relationship. People who feel loved and are sexually satisfied in their relationship generally do not cheat. You're projecting a lot here and it sounds like you haven't come to terms with the fact that you might have been partially responsible for what went wrong in your relationship when you were cheated on.

[QUOTE=Cyke Lon bee;49525357]I mean if we're making up stories now, I could make one up about how a woman got beat to death in the parking garage of the hotel she was going to cheat on her husband at. But that would be a straw man and that would be silly, wouldn't it? [/QUOTE] I'm too tired right now but I'm also going try my best at an articulated argument for the sake of the thread. Cause you're pretty much a lost cause at this point. You're still seeing it as black and white. We've all read from the same Book of Chivalry and Righteousness as you. And we've all done stupid shit to people, made bad decisions. It's a part of life. And it's also a part of life for people to reflect upon it and seek solace and forgiveness and be at peace with what they've done. Everybody who has lived a life, who has shared his/her life with another significant person knows this. If you're not seeing the point of this argument here, maybe it's because you haven't experienced that much human to human relationships. [QUOTE=Cyke Lon bee;49525357]If you're in a shitty relationship on the verge of a murder-suicide, then you need to get a divorce or a counselor, not have sex with someone else. I understand why someone would cheat, I'm just saying that those people are still assholes regardless of their situations. [/QUOTE] Sometimes life puts you in a tough spot. Loving someone sometimes implies that you end up in a unstable relationship or living a lie, or leaves you at a loss because you let someone else go to be with the person you're currently with. Why do you think poets from all over the world made their work about this issue for years? And only when you're in it, you start realizing that you liked the other person best. And when you want to go back and see if you have a chance, the other person has moved on with someone else. And both people regret not being able to be with each other. This happens a lot. Sometimes staying with someone you really love to death implies great courage. Sometimes people miss out the simple fact that the world just keeps on spinning whenever they're being indecisive. So life is short, the universe keeps on spinning and it doesn't care about your moral barometer or your codex of righteousness. Life will put you through limit situations and will make you do fucked up shit. The reason why he cheated was that, adding to his condition, he didn't want to lose that chance with a really special person forever. Who wasn't perfect either, but to him was special. Now I'm not laying any judgments of value here but in this case, going through a divorce, or setting it all aside (a stable marriage, steady income, hurting everyone around him), for a dive into the unknown was actually more of a bigger risk and an explosive point of no return rather than to live this passion in that moment and let it all die. Once again I'm not saying it was good or bad, because it isn't black and white. And I won't put my judgement in this situation because I'm no one to judge. When you're in love, you're in love. Feelings, emotions, passions, aren't in the field of rationality, and we're Human. We fuck up. We get ourselves in irreversible situations in this shitty fucked up life, and sometimes we have to do some really messed up shit so that we can have a unique moment of happiness in life. [I]"Nobody exists on purpose. Nobody belongs anywhere. Everybody's gonna die. Come watch TV."[/I] - Rick & Morty. - That's the whole point. Go figure. [QUOTE=Cyke Lon bee;49525357][B](after saying cheaters are pieces of shit)[/B] Life is never that black and white, but if you cheat, you're an asshole [/QUOTE] [I]"Life is never black and white but if you cheat it's black and white".[/I] :quotes:

I think what hes saying is there is no white, all there is is black Thats so metal

:dead: [B]Fucking brutal, dude. [/B] :dead:

is there a genre such as white metal?

[QUOTE=killerteacup;49520790]Yeah youre in your twenties so why on earth are you considering viagra [editline]13th January 2016[/editline] You literally went soft once, you dont have erectile dysfunction and you were high at the time. Taking viagra is a hands down stupid fuckin idea in your situation[/QUOTE] Mostly because I feel I'm going through some sort of phase where something is really affecting my libido. I've recognized it before. All of a sudden I'll go weeks without a quality orgasm, and then either one dose of viagra, or a few hits of weed, and then I would feel properly satisfied. I think that means it is mostly mental, but I feel there is something physical going on as well. I think sensitivity can be a bit of a dynamic thing with genitals, as I never felt I could use precisely the same pressure or technique for more than let's say 2-3 months. [QUOTE=Lemmingston;49520817]Viagra still can make sex last longer, not exactly good for your health if you're perfectly fine without it, but it's not extraordinarily bad, it's just like taking any drug. Don't overdo it. I've done it before, I wouldn't recommend it, your girl gets tired out and you're left with a boner and you can't go outside for ages until it goes away. Taking it while high could fix his problem, although create a few more, i'd be genuinely curious to know what happens[/QUOTE] From what I've read, it's a very safe drug, and even women can technically take it. Granted, when I've taken too big a dose, it gives me an annoying headache. I've only ever taken it about a dozen times in my life, so don't worry, I haven't started relying on it or anything. Mostly have just experimented with it. Also, I used to literally get high after taking a similar male enhancement drug...forget the name of it at the moment, but it was chemically different from Viagra I believe. I would take 2-3 pills and would feel very flushed and hyper sensitive, along with very, very horny. It wouldn't impair me at all either.

[QUOTE=RenegadeCop;49525162]Someone is so depressed due to lack of emotional or physical bonding with people that they are on the verge of killing themselves. Their spouse gives them no attention, borderline abuses them, uses them as a babysitter and housekeeper more so than a partner. She cheats, find someone who truly cares about her, and realizes maybe life is worth living after all. Yes I made this up, but it's believable, no? There's a situation where cheating can be a good thing. Good for the abusive spouse? No, now he has to pay for childcare. Good for the woman? Almost certainly! Although that was using my definition of cheating, what is your definition of cheating? Do you think since the spouse was abusive and didn't care that this doesn't count as cheating? We have to be on the same terms we're going to genuinely discuss![/QUOTE] If they were really in that situation though wouldn't it be better to help them out of the relationship, stop the abuse, then provide temporary relief with an affair?

[QUOTE=plunger435;49527802]If they were really in that situation though wouldn't it be better to help them out of the relationship, stop the abuse, then provide temporary relief with an affair?[/QUOTE] First, there are a specific type of people who end up in abusive relationships. Most of them will repeatedly get into abusive relationships. These people are extremely unlikely to seek help or even recognize that what they're experiencing is abuse. Often they will blame themselves for their partner's actions. Second, nobody's saying that cheating is the optimal solution to any relationship problem... His point is that cheating isn't as black and white as the person who is cheating being a scumbag and their partner being some completely innocent, blameless victim. Relationship problems and lack of intimacy are what lead to people cheating on their partners. It is not a one-way street.

If people would stop rushing through people's texts and would actually read them, maybe we would have already wrapped up this cheating not being black and white subject. It's pretty pathetic how some people keep bringing up the same argument overand over again when it's been talked through a few posts up or a page back at maximum. The amount of people that actually reads stuff here is so thin it hurts. And it's actually evident discerning both.

I have a girlfriend since last week, this is my first actual relationship. We already spent two nights together with lots of activity (making out, massaging, licking, w/e) but no sex. We're gonna do it tonight and I'm kind of nervous, it's the first time for both of us.

You'll be fine just don't touch the sides no but really just relax and have fun

[QUOTE=Glitchman;49529119]You'll be fine just don't touch the sides no but really just relax and have fun[/QUOTE] Well she already told me she loved a lot of the things I did to her so far, for example that one time I lifted her up against the wall while making out (that seemed like a pretty good idea at the time, is that something stupidly dangerous I should avoid doing?) which make me pretty confident. I'm still a bit nervous about fucking up or something, though she will be understanding if that happens I guess, she's pretty nice.

lifting your partner up against the wall and performing sexual acts should only ever be carried out if the partner is wearing a safety harness, tbh in all seriousness though, you sound like you've got everything under control, you're making her happy, you're not afraid to try new things (like putting her up against the wall). I'm sure you're gonna have a great night, and like you said, she's understanding and nice, though I doubt anything will go wrong!

[QUOTE=_Axel;49529136]that seemed like a pretty good idea at the time, is that something stupidly dangerous I should avoid doing?[/QUOTE] If you consider floods dangerous, yes.

[QUOTE=Behemoth_PT;49528806]If people would stop rushing through people's texts and would actually read them, maybe we would have already wrapped up this cheating not being black and white subject. It's pretty pathetic how some people keep bringing up the same argument overand over again when it's been talked through a few posts up or a page back at maximum. The amount of people that actually reads stuff here is so thin it hurts. And it's actually evident discerning both.[/QUOTE] I don't see the need for this hostility. As far as I am aware no one had posted what I did yet. Many point is that if it's gotten to the point where cheating is occurring that's probably not even the biggest problem in the relationship, and at some point those problems will have to be addressed since you can't keep an affair up forever.

[QUOTE=plunger435;49529441]I don't see the need for this hostility. As far as I am aware no one had posted what I did yet. Many point is that if it's gotten to the point where cheating is occurring that's probably not even the biggest problem in the relationship, and at some point those problems will have to be addressed since you can't keep an affair up forever.[/QUOTE] I wasn't addressing my post to you. I did not quote you. If you go a few pages back you'll see how the lack of reading through other people's arguments turned out in an stubborn attempt at pressing the same, already argued point over and over. I was merely addressing that.

I could really go for a blowjob but my girlfriend got her wisdom tooth pulled out so her mouth hurts. This is the worst.

[QUOTE=Riller;49530544]I could really go for a blowjob but my girlfriend got her wisdom tooth pulled out so her mouth hurts. This is the worst.[/QUOTE] Just get her mom to do it instead

[QUOTE=RenegadeCop;49531276]Those after-surgery drugs will make her super horny too, just to add to the torment[/QUOTE] Oh we can bang just fine, but that ain't the same.. That is, fuckin' is generally a fair bit better than blowjobs, more fun for both of us and feels better, but you know, sometimes you're just in the mood for something else, ja?

Well, now she has one less tooth in the way. :zoid: